Workout fever had swept the Loud House, and no one had a meaner case of it than Lori. Every morning, she woke at 5 am to jog up and down the stairs for half an hour, and then she'd jog to the end of the street and back. She did her best to get everyone else to do exactly what she did, and Lincoln was her favorite target. "C'mon, Linc," she'd say, "I thought you liked working out."
Lincoln would only sigh and pinch his brow. What had he created?
A few months back, he, Luan, and Maggie started exercising together. He and Luan would go over to Maggie's house, dress in leotards, and watch old workout tapes Maggie found in her grandmother's attic. Richard Simmons, Jane Fonda, Billy Blanks, and a thousand other exercise gurus from the eighties and nineties that no one talks about anymore. Somehow, sweating to the oldies and feeling the burn turned into sweating on your sister and feeling the burn (of Maggie's pussy). That's to say, what started out as an innocent exercise quickly became not so innocent. He guessed that sort of thing was bound to happen when you put three hormonal kids together, strip them almost naked, and get their blood pumping.
In the beginning, Lincoln was conflicted about having sex with his older sister. On the one hand, her mouth and pussy felt reeeeeeally good, but on the other, she was his sister. He had always heard that incest was for creeps, freaks, and rednecks, so he felt really down on himself. After a while, though, he got over it. Why should he feel bad when he had not one but two hot older girls who were wet and willing? Being depressed made literally no sense. Yeah, maybe incest was a littled ahem extra, but extra was his middle name. Having such a huge family is extra, right? So right out of the gate he was extra. Graduating to incest was such a small little step that it would have been weird if he hadn't done it.
Things eventually got a little more complicated when Lynn joined their workout squad. See, Lincoln went from hating exercising to being all for it, and every chance he and Luan got, they went to Maggie's house to "work out." Lynn thought that was kind of funny since up to then, Lincoln had been the king of couch potatoes. Sports, working out, and really anything that involved physical activity weren't his scene. Lynn was so shook by his radical transformation that her slutty mind went right to the gutter. She made the shocking and awkward leap to believing that he was having sex with Luan. Can you believe it? That she happened to be 100 percent correct was beside the point. She followed him and Luan to Maggie's house one day and peeked through the window like her name was Tom.
What she saw next will surprise you.
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But no, really, she saw him, Maggie, and Luan going at it like rabbits. Maggie's favorite position was doggy style, but in keeping with their fitness theme, she liked to bent way over, arch her back, and stick her butt out. It made her super tight and Lincoln fucking loved it. Her pussy was like one of those Chinese finger things, the more he tried to pull out the deeper he was sucked in. Luan liked being shoved up against a wall and held while Lincoln pounded up and into her. It killed his arms, but it was so hot that he could never say now. Do you know what it feels like to hold a sweating and panting fourteen year old girl as she turns to jelly in your arms? Not a lot of people did, it was a very select club, but he knew what it felt like, and it felt amazing. The way she tightened around his dick as she came, the way she battered his lower back with her heels, the way -
Okay, off topic. Lincoln couldn't really help it, Luan and Maggie were his two favorite things to think about, just ahead of Ace Savvy and Ace Savvy fanon lore. Anyway, Lynn saw what they were doing and a large part of her was absolutely appalled (appalled, I tell you). Another part, a much larger part, was aroused beyond all reason and logic. Like Lincoln, she had been raised with the narrow and backwater view that incest was something to be hated and reviled. She was reared to believe that you couldn't enjoy your brother's naked body simply because he was your brother. Having seen the light, however, she realized just how archaic and wrong-headed that point of view was, and came around to embrace the wicked fire burning deep in her little loins. She joined in, and for two months, she, Lincoln, Maggie, and Luan had been living life to the fullest and working out together.
Of the four of them, Lynn was by far the most passionate about "exercising" and insisted that they do it every day, multiple times a day. She worked Lincoln to the bone(r) and wouldn't give up until she couldn't walk right. To keep up appearances, they all pretended that the time they spent together was just about exercising, and actually did a little exercising where everyone could see them just to allay any possible suspicion.
Their enthusiasm was apparently contagious because it spread through the Loud house like COVID-19 through a nursing home. Not being in the loop, the others failed to realize that Lincoln, Luan, Lynn, and Maggie's passion was for each other, not for doing squats. The first one to be bitten by the workout bug was Luna. She and Sam got a gym membership and took up aerobics. Next was Leni, then Lucy ("I'm sweating for Dracula," she would cryptically say). The rest fell like dominoes; even Mom and Dad got in on the action. Mom had tried and flunked out of a thousand different diets over the years, and Lincoln just knew this would be no different.
It wasn't.
See, Mom lacked willpower. She wanted to be thin like she was as a girl, but she didn't want it badly enough to suffer hunger pangs and cramped calves. In a week, she was back to being lazy and overeating. By the time Lily was in high school, he fully expected Mom to weigh 300 pounds. If she kept buying pies and cakes from the clearance rack at Meijer's, she might even get big enough to flunk out of My 600 Pound Life.
Though Mom dropped out, everyone else was in it to win it, and overnight, the Loud house turned into a health-conscious dystopian hellhole. Dad only cooked healthy food now and if you didn't work out enough for the hive mind's liking, you would be shamed and bullied into running laps or playing sportsball. Lincoln didn't mind, though, he was in great shape, and as long as he could still fuck his three gfs, it was all good.
On Saturday morning, Lincoln, Lynn, Maggie, Luan, Luna, Sam, Leni, and Lucy walked to the YMCA downtown in a big group. All of them were wearing leotards, leg warmers, and headbands. They looked like they were on their way to film a 1980s exercise tape, and everyone they passed turned their heads to stare at them. They passed Poppa Wheelie's house, and he laughed so loud that his big bowl-o-jelly stomach jiggled. "Nice thong, Loud!"
"Thanks," Lincoln said and gave his butt a teasing little wiggle.
Poppa Wheelie's face crinkled in disgust. "You're a fag."
You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what I did with my sisters last night.
Ooooooo, burn.
Luna had taken over the aerobics class from her instructor and one of the first things she did was enter the class in a dance competition. It was next Friday night and they needed to practice their asses off if they wanted to be ready for primetime.
They had a radio with them, oldies drifting from the speakers: I Want It That Way by The Backstreet Boys, a pop standard from the before times, or so Lincoln had heard. The music ended and a news report came on. "Police are continuing their search for Bradly "Buff" Chadwell this morning after a daring nighttime escape. Chadwell, a former personal trainer from Venice Beach, California, is wanted in connection with twelve homicides spanning ten states. Chadwell was fired from his job last month for attempting to strangle a patron who didn't wipe down the Bowflex after using it. As he was dragged out, Chadwell threatened to kill everyone present and claimed that Mommy likes it Buff. He is considered armed and extremely deranged. Anyone with information is urged to call the FBI's Bodybuilding Division."
Lincoln snorted. Mommy likes it Buff, huh? Luan likes it Linc.
Wat wat.
The YMCA was at the corner of Grove and Main, a sandstone building with big front windows and trees growing up on either side of it. The parking lot was packed and the main workout room was filled with weekend warriors who hit it hard on Saturdays but spent the rest of the week eating junk and sitting around the house. After the bright morning, the lobby was dim and cool. A receptionist nodded to them from behind the front desk and they nodded back. They were such fixtures here that no one ever asked to see their membership cards; they knew the strange assortment of leotard wearing kids were on the level.
Before hitting the dancefloor, everyone went into the gym to work out. You gotta limber up before you bust a move. Just ask Young MC. He pulled his hamstring on Yo! MTV Raps and had been confined to a wheelchair ever since, getting more and more bitter with every passing year.
Lincoln went over to the pull up bar and worked his arms a little. Luan, Maggie, and Lynn came over to watch, and he tried to show off. Across the room, a buff guy in red gym shorts and a Gold's Gym tank top was bench pressing 500 pounds and puffing. He sat the bar in the rack and sat up to wipe his forehead. When he saw them, he froze.
"Nice form, Linc," Luan said.
"Thanks."
He jumped down and walked away without wiping the bar down. The man's face turned as red as his shorts and fat veins popped out of his tree-trunk neck.
Lincoln took no notice.
Rage filled Buff's chest and his hands closed into shaking fists of rage. Leotards…they were all wearing leotards.
His vision blurred and he began to shake.
He had to get out of here.
Mommy's big boy~
No.
Mommy's well-endowed boy.
Leave me alone, bitch.
Just push my leotard to the side. Yes, baby, just like that…
Buff jumped to his feet and ran out of the gym crying. In his car, he sat behind the wheel and waited for the sakes to pass. Tears stained his cheeks and a fat wad of snot smeered his upper lip. He blotted his eyes with the heel of his palm and fixed a baleful glare on the building ahead of him.
Leotards.
Leotards everywhere.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, that albino didn't even wipe down the pull up bar. Buff hated rude people at the gym. What if he went to use it and touched that kid's sweat? What if his hands slipped and he fell? He could be hurt!
Buff bared his teeth.
He was going to get them for this.
He was going to make them pay.
Wiping his eyes again, he reached into the back of the car and grabbed a gym bag. He sat it across his lap, unzipped it, and rummaged through it.
He had everything he needed.
Zipping it back up again, he got out of the car and went inside.
Soon, they would pay.
They would pay dearly.