Chapter 5:

Subaru drifted through the morning. He really hadn't slept well last night, he kept on waking up in cold sweats, dreams of his loops haunting him.

Work went by quickly. Ceres was asking loads of questions about what was going on. Subaru found her innocence cute.

Clement bid Subaru farewell after lunch, and he set off with Ceres.

Not too long after they arrived at Amai's tower. He knocked on the door and waited, making some small talk with Ceres. Shortly after the old man opened the door. He gave a small smile, his wrinkles showing more than ever. Amai led Subaru up to the top of the tower, which was where his lessons took place. The room was decently sized. There was a large window that the two sat in front of while they talked. Bookshelves were all over the walls.

Subaru sat down opposite Amai, two cups of warm tea sat on a table between them. Ceres manifested her form. It seemed she felt comfortable while around such a potent spiritualist.

Amai took a long breath. He said, "You two are getting along well."

Subaru nodded. "We are."

Amai raised his hand, his palm open towards the sky. Ceres drifted over towards Amai and stopped above his open palm. Amai studied her for a moment. "A fine spirit. You chose a good partner. However, I believe that it'll be best if you wait a few more days before you start to use magic together. It's good for a spirit and a spiritualist to get along well and understand each other before they begin using magic."

Subaru froze. A few more days. He didn't have that time. Anger boiled up inside of him at the old man's ignorance.

Ceres' soft thoughts popped into his mind, [Angry? Why?]

Subaru closed his eyes and took a deep breath. [Later.]

For now, he opened his eyes, shaking his head. "Uhm… could we start learning magic sooner?"

The old man cocked his head. "And why is that?"

"I… need to learn at least basic combat magic by the twentieth."

The old man narrowed his eyes. He could sense the boy's urgency. He sighed. "It'll be difficult to do."

"That's fine, nothing about what I'm doing here is easy."

The old man stayed quiet for a moment, before nodding. The old man's eyes fell on Ceres. After a moment he spoke, "Your spirit says it's fine with it."

Amai stood up. "Alright. We'll start magic today."

"Thank you."

Ceres floated over towards Subaru.

The boy said, "Oh, and by the way, her name is Ceres." Subaru motioned to the small spirit.

The old man smiled warmly.

Subaru collapsed onto the couch. Magic was hard. Something within him ached.

Apparently, his gate, which was an organ that regulated the flow of mana within his body, was extremely weak. Amai had him carefully train his gate in order to, as the old man said, "Get a feel for magic." Subaru didn't really understand why it was necessary.

Amai had Ceres practice expelling mana all day, which was important in using spells. She was pretty bad at it right now, but she learned quickly and was already improving. Ceres had exhausted herself so much that she couldn't even materialize.

Subaru groaned.

"You okay?" Clement sat down nearby.

"No… my gate huuuuuurts…" He over-exaggerated his pain by grabbing at his stomach.

"You know, it'd probably be better if you wait until Ceres forms a true contract with you."

"Yeah… but… I need to be able to use magic…"

"And why's that?"

"Mmm… You'll see."

Clement frowned slightly ever since yesterday Subaru had seemed troubled by something. He sighed and said, "You know, Subaru, you can share your troubles with me."

Subaru stayed quiet. Maybe I can… He opened his mouth but closed it shortly after. I can't let him suffer because of me. The short yet intense pain of his skull being cut open came back to him. I can't let him die in that way… It's safer if he stays out of it.

Subaru shook his head. "I'm fine… It's fine."

Clement sighed, he frowned again. He could tell that Subaru probably wouldn't tell him no matter how much he pestered him. He replied, "Alright…"

After a few moments of silence, Subaru slowly got up, groaning at the pain from his gate. He exhaled and said, "I'm going to head to bed…"

Clement slowly nodded. "Alright."

"Something's off with him…"

The brown-haired man slumped down into his chair. He closed his eyes, "I... don't know what might've happened..."

He opened his eyes, "I should keep an eye on him… He's going to do something rash at this rate…" A chill ran up his spine, "Just as... I did all those years ago."

Memories consumed him. Memories of screaming and kicking. Memories that were full of pain. Memories of trying to cover up his actions. Memories of before he ran away. Memories of their blood.

Tears welled up in his eyes. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

Subaru sat down on his bed, the light in his room off. He quietly said to Ceres, "Hey, can we talk?"

[Sure… am still tired.]

"Mhm. Uhm…" Subaru thought of a simple way to phrase this. Ceres was learning how to speak quickly, but her vocabulary was still pretty small. "In two days, someone bad is going to come and try to hurt me."

[Hurt you? Why?]

"I don't know."

Subaru paused to take a deep breath to calm his racing heart and to push away the memories of his death. He signed thought through his next words. "This is why I want to learn magic by then. If… if you want to break our contract and leave… then that's fine."

[Why would I leave?]

"Eh...?"

Subaru froze. "Well… I mean… y'know. It's dangerous and…"

[I'll stay. Let's work hard to learn magic.]

"...Yeah. Let's."

Subaru was confused as to why Ceres wanted to stay, but he was too tired to try to argue against her decision.

Subaru laid face-down on his bed. His room was quiet, the only sound was his breathing.

About an hour had passed since he had talked to Ceres. The only light in his room was from the moon's light creeping in from behind the curtains of his windows. He didn't want to sleep anymore. He had fallen asleep for a little while after talking with Ceres but woke up shortly after. Dreams of his loops were still plaguing him.

If he fell asleep again those memories would only come back again. The pain and terror were still so vivid. The idea of being forced to relive them in his dreams terrified him.

Minutes ticked by. Each one was agonizing. His body wanted rest yet he refused to go back to that hell.

Hours passed of him waking up and falling back asleep.

However, after falling asleep yet again in the late hours of the night he wasn't greeted by those hellish dreams. Rather, he was greeted by a pale woman surrounded by shadows. Most of her body was surrounded by a shadowy mist. 'Subaru', who was just a head in this world, had managed to figure out over their past few meetings that he wouldn't remember this place after he left.

The shadowy woman was closer than she had previously been. 'Subaru' wanted to express the unending love he felt for her. He opened his mouth and tried to speak, only nothing came out. After a moment he realized that he had no lungs to speak with. He began to wish for a body, specifically lungs. However, he stopped as a soft and gentle voice called out to him.

"I love you."

Subaru woke up again, this time not in a cold sweat. He sat up and looked around his dark room. He felt strangely calm compared to what he had just experienced in his dream, wherein he had relived one of the many times he had bled out on the floor of Selena's room. He reached into the back of his mind and felt his temporary contract with Ceres. He exhaled and laid back down.

His eyes drifted shut, and he fell asleep.

Natsuki Subaru slept peacefully.