"It's just a small gathering," Hermione was trying not to sound whiny, but she knew she was failing miserably. "Just a local thing, really."
Severus gave her a withering look over the top of his reading glasses. He sighed and shook his head. "I should wring that stupid cousin of mine's neck for bringing this up in the first place."
"Anna will be lonely," Hermione pointed out.
Severus snorted. "I thought you said this was just a local thing."
"Erm... relatively..." Hermione faltered.
"Relative to what?" Severus prodded.
"Northern Europe," Hermione said quickly.
He quirked his head to the side and laughed, despite himself. "No!"
"Why don't you want to?" Hermione asked him, her arms folded over her chest. She looked down at him as he put the scroll he was looking at on the coffee table.
"I've been to them before." He screwed up his face. "You might be treated with some status, but sometimes things get ugly."
"For being Muggle-born?" Hermione said, her face a look of shock.
"That... and for not knowing your place in the grand social dance going on around you... your posture, your shoes, your dancing skills, your ability to cast pretty, yet completely useless charms, and that's just for starters." Severus snorted. "Bunch of bullies."
"Did they bully you?" Hermione asked, her brow furrowed.
"No." He hesitated. "I used to be one of them."
"Well, then you'll know when it's time to swoop in and rescue me," Hermione said testily. "It's Halloween. Everyone will be in a costume, anyway."
"You'll have to reign yourself in," Severus said as he sat back on the couch. "This isn't just about you or us, it's about centuries of cat and mouse games within rival families for respect and power in their lands of origin. You won't be able to speak your mind. It could effect the family's business holdings."
Hermione seemed to chew this over. "What if I'm attacked?"
"If someone is stupid enough to draw their wand, hex them into oblivion," Severus said firmly. "If Anna doesn't get to them first."
"Or your mother..." Hermione muttered.
"Oh, I should have guessed!" Severus groaned dramatically and crossed his arms.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione asked, her chin jutting out defiantly and her hands on her hips.
"That my mother is an idiot."
"Your mother is a very nice woman!" Hermione chided him.
"My mother is a great big pain in the—"
"Excuse me?"
Severus jumped and turned white at the appearance of his mother's face in their fireplace. It was scowling at him.
"How long have you been there?" Severus tried to sound angry, but he wavered upon seeing his mother's glare.
"Long enough to think I'm a pain only God knows where! Hermione, dear heart, I see you've been doing your best to ply him out of his temper," Anastasia said lovingly. "But I think this will take a more direct approach." Her eyes snapped to Severus, who jumped. "Severus Benjamin Rufus Snape, you will be taking your new bride to the Autumn Gala to present her to polite society, and that is an order!"
"Mother..."
Hermione found herself biting her lip as Severus completely lost his composure and whined at the Snape family matron.
His mother was pulled away from the fireplace and Jacob's head popped into view. "Severus, if you don't comply, she may finally nag me to death. If you love me, for the love of God, show up, do a turn, and leave."
A scroll appeared out of nowhere and rapped him soundly on the head. He disappeared and Anastasia appeared again, a scowl on her face. "I've made some notes for you to look over. You've been out of society so long you won't know half the people there."
He let out another groan, but stopped as his mother reached her arm out of the fireplace and snapped her fingers at him.
"This is your own fault! You knew this day would come!"
"I certainly did not!" Severus blustered at her.
"Well, I did and that's what is important!" Her voice was rising in pitch and Hermione was interested to see where this was going.
"I'll go, I'll go!" Severus threw his hands up in the air. "I'd rather bloody well hang myself, but I have a feeling you'd somehow revive me and make me suffer every second of my recovery time."
"Don't be a smart with me!" He mother snapped at him, but her expression had softened. "Here you go." She tossed the scroll into the room; it rolled across the floor until it came to rest at Severus' feet. "You'll have a good time, Severus. You always used to."
"I've grown up," he said with a pained look on his face.
"You'll see," his mother assured him. "Hermione, don't be afraid to pop over if you have any questions. I have a feeling you're going to have many of them."
"How did you get linked up to this Floo, anyway?" Severus asked suspiciously.
"Your father golfs with the new Minister." Anastasia shrugged.
"Of course, he does," Severus muttered.
"Thanks," Hermione said to Anastasia, who took her eyes off Severus to beam at her daughter-in-law.
"It was nothing, my dear," she said warmly. "I'll see you soon."
Hermione thanked her again and they said their goodbyes.
Severus sat on the couch, his arms folded in front of him, glaring at Hermione.
"Oh, what? You're blaming me?" She blustered.
"You're joking," he said, completely blown-away. "How is this not your fault?"
"I was just trying to make it less painless, you bloody wanker," she snapped at him. "She said you were going if she had to Imperio you!"
Severus opened and closed his mouth, finally settling on an irritated look. "She would, too."
"I know." Hermione nodded seriously. "That's why I tried to convince you."
"Even if I'm a bloody wanker?" He gave her a tired, sheepish look.
"Even then." She slid next to him on the couch and put her arms around him. He grumbled, but didn't pull away.
"I hate these things."
"I know."
"Will you be wearing descent robes, at least?" He glanced at her.
"Listen here, Rufus. I'll wear whatever I like, whenever I like." She snorted at him and he chuckled, despite himself.
"Fine," he said with a sigh. He looked her over again. "I never thought I'd be saying this, but you should go shopping with Anna or Mother. They'll know what all the styles and trends are this season and they can show you how to charge the family accounts."
"I can buy my own costume," Hermione said defensively.
"I know that, but father can use it as a business expense and I know Mother will insist," he said with a resigned sigh.
"What about you?" Hermione asked.
"It doesn't matter. Father's bound to have nominated us for security detail. We aren't allowed fancy dress. I don't even want to think of some of the monstrosities she's made me wear." He shuddered. "Lavender, I ask you…"
Hermione could imagine, and she had to bite the insides of her cheeks to keep from laughing.
0
"But the pink is so lovely..." Anastasia Snape trailed off as her eyes wandered over the men's dress robes in front of her.
"He'd make sure to have some sort of accident so he could change," Hermione said firmly. "They're beautiful, but it would be completely wasted on him.
"You are right." Stacy pouted at the robes. "Stubborn little beetle that he is."
"Beetle?" Hermione asked before she could stop herself.
"That's where he got all that nonsense from," Stacy snorted as she pulled some light blue dress robes off a rack. "His grandmother gave him a black blanket when he was five. He crawled around everywhere pretending he was a beetle until he decided it made a better cape. He tried to take it with him to school, but I made him leave it behind. That's when he started enlarging his robes." She turned to face Hermione. "Just for spite, I tell you!"
Hermione giggled. "He's always been like this?"
"He has!" She stated firmly.
"I think you'd go a lot farther with jewel tones," Hermione suggested.
As Stacy began to mull this over, a salesman with wavy golden hair and a wide feral grin approached them.
"Ah, it's always nice to see sisters coming in together," he said warmly. "How may I assist you?"
One of his eyebrows quirked as he set his sights on Stacy.
"Young man, I am old enough to be your grandmother," Stacy said in a sharp tone. "Now stop being silly and show me what you have in elven-made dress robes."
The salesman boggled before bowing and bustling away to gather some designs to show them.
"Why do you tell people how old you are when you go through all the trouble of taking the youth potions?" Hermione asked curiously.
"How will people know how good I look for my age if I don't tell them?" Stacy said as if this were completely obvious.
Hermione started to giggle. "Good point."
"Now let's go find our salesman with his tight little butt," Stacy said, taking Hermione's arm.
Hermione couldn't contain herself and laughed out loud as her mother-in-law steered her towards their salesman and the rack of robes he had compiled for them to browse.
After some debate about fabrics and colors, Hermione and Stacy finally came to agreement on dress robes for Severus.
"Now we get to look for your costume, Stacy said with a twinkle in her eye. "There's another shop I'd like to look in."