Severus frowned at Hermione. "I fail to see why this is 'good news.'"
"Because Asta will root out the trouble in no time and have some space to think about things. For all we know, she's rushing into things with this boy from the Brotherhood because she thinks she might not get another chance!" Hermione said exasperatedly. "Bit of fresh air and change of scenery to clean out the cobwebs, as it were."
Severus snorted. "This could blow up in all of our faces."
"It was Dumbledore's idea!" Hermione crossed her arms at her husband.
"Oh, that makes it all better," Severus snapped. "Because his plans always go so bloody well!"
"Don't swear!" Anastasia's voice rang out from a nearby room in the Snape Estate.
He looked irritated.
"Would you rather she sparks off another war with the Amazons and the Brotherhood?" Hermione snapped.
"Well, then at least everyone will be busy as we sneak off and stay out of it!" Severus bellowed.
"Anna. Would. Murder. You." Hermione spelled out for her daft husband.
He looked taken aback. Then he paled. "Why is it always me?" His voice had a whining ring to it.
"Because you have such a big heart and were born to do the right thing," Anastasia fawned as she strode into the room, a tea service floating behind her.
"A little privacy, please?" Severus tried to stare down his mother, but she waved him off.
"I know when an argument is over. You should learn. It would save you many troubles." She pushed him and he fell back into an armchair. "The deed has been done. It is over both of your heads. Your wife is able to keep an eye on things. What more do you want?"
"How about silence about all this and some civilized conversation to enjoy with our tea?" Jacob said sternly as he walked into the room, a newspaper under one arm.
"I couldn't agree more," Anastasia said in a sing-song voice that had a hint of warning to it.
Hermione and Severus both grumbled before settling in for their tea. Jacob rolled his eyes at the pair.
"Where did Ginny and Luna run off to?" Hermione asked curiously.
"They went with Svetlana to Yuri's establishment." Anastasia said as she poured some tea. "Something about… Russian Pixies? Have you ever heard of such a thing?"
Hermione bit back a laugh. "I think I might have."
"Well, it sounded much like our Crumple-Horned Snorkack excursions," Anastasia said dismissively. "I'm sure they'll have fun getting into Yuri's hair."
"As long as they're not here creating havoc, I don't care what they're hunting," Severus grumbled.
Jacob snorted. "I'm going to love to see what you're like as a father."
Anastasia batted him on the shoulder. "Snape men mellow with age. I'm sure he'll be a wonderful father once they get older and more settled."
Hermione inwardly let out a sigh of relief. At least she wouldn't have to worry about pressure to be a mother on top of everything else.
"Get a dog instead," Jacob said in a loud whisper, as if Anastasia couldn't hear him. "Less bother and you can train them to fetch your slippers."
Anastasia smacked him harder this time. Hermione giggled despite herself.
Crookshanks, who had padded in after the tea service made a disgruntled noise.
"This one would never allow it." Severus sniffed and was rewarded with a swath of orange fur on the leg of his pants.
"No, he probably wouldn't, would he?" Anastasia bent down to ruffle Crookshanks fur and he was more than happy to let her do it. "Just like your father. Doesn't like to share any attention, do you?"
"I am not the cat's father!" Severus snapped, but his mother just gave Hermione a weary look.
Hermione shrugged and Severus gave her a disgusted look.
"Well, I am yours and we have some deciding to do," Jacob interjected as he reached for the sugar. "Like all of this Ball nonsense."
Anastasia gave him a look. "All of this Ball nonsense is what separates us from the other families. It shows that our line is strong and wise. That we are powerful!"
Jacob snorted.
"And that's why we were chosen to dance in the Lords' Procession," Anastasia finished.
"Oh, Gods, mother! How much did that cost?" Severus blurted out.
"Not a cent!" Anastasia said hotly. "It is because of who we are."
"Or rather, who you are," Jacob said to Severus and Hermione. "It's always been prestigious to have war heroes on the procession. Shows they were good enough to make it through a battle with enough limbs and senses afterwards to shake a tail feather on the dance floor."
Hermione tried not to choke at the last statement.
"Either way: you were chosen, you are not declining, and you need practice. Madam Natasha will be over this evening to look you over." Anna nodded firmly.
"That mad old bat is still alive?" Severus exploded.
"She is alive and well," Anastasia said in a warning tone. "You will treat her with the respect and courtesy she's due!"
"What about me? I'm a war hero now." Severus said as he scowled at his mother.
"Both of you, stop it!" Jacob reached for a scone. "Stacy, stop nagging him. Severus, stop upsetting your mother. I don't want to hear a peep until I get to the Quidditch section!" He snapped his newspaper open for emphasis.
Both grumbled, but the room was silent except for the clink of porcelain and the turning of pages.
"Erm…" Hermione hazarded. "Who is Madam Natasha?"
"The family dance instructor. She's been making us look noble and cultured for decades," Anastasia explained. "She's tough, but you'll look wonderful."
"If she doesn't break your feet first," Severus grumbled. "Look out for that staff of hers."
"It was only a toe and it was because you were acting like a twelve-year-old!" Anastasia snapped.
"I was a twelve-year-old!"
"I give up!" Jacob snapped his paper shut. He piled a small plate with cakes and sandwiches and stood up, reaching for his cup of tea.
"Oh, don't be like that!" Anastasia pouted.
"I'm not taking meals with you two until this is all sorted out. I'm an old man and my heart can't take it anymore!"
Both Anastasia and Severus snorted, causing Hermione to bite her lips so she didn't laugh.
"I'll be in my study, should war break out," Jacob announced before marching out of the room. Hermione secretly wished she could join him.
"Three o'clock!" Anastasia snapped as she rose to her feet. "She'll be waiting in the Ballroom. Don't be late!"
Severus groaned.
0
Hermione watched as Severus tried to stare down the tiny woman.
"I'll not let you treat me like a child, I am a grown man!" Severus said in a low, warning tone.
The woman rapped him hard in the shin with an oak staff and Hermione winced as he doubled over. "Then act like one!"
She focused her attentions at Hermione and squinted. Hermione tried not to shrink back at the woman's scrutiny.
"You danced with Viktor Krum at the Yule Ball." It was a statement, not a question.
Hermione nodded.
"Two-left feet." The woman scowled.
"Well, it's not like I had more than an hour of instruction." Hermione put her hands on her hips.
"Your family are Muggles." Again, it was a statement. "Not bad for an hour. There's hope, yet."
Hermione didn't know why she felt as pleased as she did.
"You remember the Ukrainian Waltz, don't you?" Her attention swung back to Severus.
"Of course," Severus ground out between clenched teeth.
"First position. On three. One, two…"
͠
"That woman is certifiably insane!" Severus thundered as Hermione lay on her bed, laughing.
The door opened and Ginny and Luna wandered in.
"What's your mum done now?" Ginny asked curiously.
"We had our first dance lesson," Hermione said, still giggling. "God save us all!"
"She one of the crazy ones?" Ginny chortled.
"Absolutely," Severus said silkily. "And she's scheduled an appointment for the pair of you Saturday afternoon."
"Ha, ha." Ginny made a face at him, but he still looked delighted. "You're not kidding, are you?"
"This may be better than handing out detentions!" Severus said gleefully.
"As long as you know the Ukrainian Waltz and something called the Bigby Shuffle you'll do fine." Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Merlin's Beard, what is this? 1932?" Ginny made a face. "You've got to be kidding."
"Miss Lovegood may be able to avoid her wrath, but if Harry is cleared and taking you as a partner, you're going to be expected to perform better than the rest of us." Severus smirked.
"Harry can't go!" Hermione squeaked. "He's in prison!"
"But he's still a hero in the eyes of the people," Severus said bitterly. "He's cooperative, unarmed, and would be in a place with the best security on the planet. They'll find a way to get him there."
"Because that doesn't sound like a recipe for disaster," Hermione said sarcastically.
"You remember the steps from Madam Jones' Trotting Tots, don't you?" Luna asked Ginny.
"Of course, I do." Ginny began giggling. "She had us jumping about as soon as we could walk, didn't she?"
"No way our mums could resist the little tutu's she made for us." Luna smiled serenely.
"You were in dance class?" Hermione burst out laughing at her friends.
"Oh, it was the thing to do fifteen years ago," Luna explained. "They dropped us off for an hour and ran off to Diagon Alley to get their shopping done."
"But we did learn all the traditional dances." Ginny shrugged. "Even if we never went further than child classes."
"Well, bully for you!" Severus crossed his arms and scowled.
"If you're so worried about your shins, charm your pants next time," Hermione said as if this were the obvious solution.
Severus gave her an irritated look, as if this had never occurred to him before.
"Listen, there are four of us. We can practice together and then the instructor will have less to complain about, won't she?" Luna pointed out.
"I suppose so," Hermione said slowly. "As long as we don't pick up each other's 'bad habits.'"
"Oh, she's one of those, is she?" Ginny groaned.
"Why would you think anything else? Luna asked.
"Because we're a faraway land and berserk dance instructors aren't supposed to exist." Ginny said grumpily.
"You're in Russia." Severus said with a disapproving look. "You're in the land of berserk dance instructors. Get over it and watch your shins."
"I think she just has it out for you." Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. "What is it with you two?"
"She thinks I should have gone to the ballet instead of to Hogwarts. Considers it a colossal waste of time and talent." Severus sighed as if trying to remain calm. "I was ten."
"Well, I think you make a fine Potions instructor," Luna said reassuringly. Severus began to relax and nod at her. "But I still think you should sing your lessons. It would make class far more interesting."
Ginny and Hermione laughed as Severus scowled at Luna.
"I'm sure you'll all do fine!" Anastasia swooped into the room. "Hermione, Madam Natasha was impressed you learn so quickly!"
Ginny snorted. "Tell us something we don't already know."
"The rest of you have appointments after dinner this evening." Anastasia announced to a chorus of groans.
"You're letting that woman back in the house after what she did to me?" Severus demanded.
"Yuri and Svetlana need lessons as well." Anastasia made a face at her son. "You two will be in the spotlight, but the others need to know what they're doing as well."
"Well, I don't want to look like a fool in front of the world," Luna said firmly, folding her arms across her chest.
"I'm sure you'll do fine," Anastasia assured her. "But we still have shopping for the pair of you!"
Luna looked mildly surprised, but Ginny blushed a deep red. "I—I'm not sure—"
"The Ministry will be paying for your costumes, of course," Anastasia said haughtily. "Designers are already clamoring for your attentions. I have several brochures for you to look over. The owls have already started coming with them."
"Oh!" Ginny breathed. "Really?"
"You should see the samples some of the jewelers have sent," Anastasia said with a twinkle in her eye.
"I think your lives are about to change forever," Severus said, tilting his chin down at Ginny. "The war was one thing, but this is the high-society aftermath and it's about to get ugly."