A/N: I'm so happy that we are finally getting to the peak of things and yes things will be heating up soon. I know some of you are just here for the lemons. Be patient. These characters have been for the last few years so put up with the drama but a bit longer please.

Chapter 13: Wild

May 2021, a few days later

It's been a few days since the engagement party. A few days since all the drama. All the parents left today so we can finally decompress. We decide to watch a movie. Emmett decided to stay though and I'm glad.

Edward and I share a blanket during the movie and at some point my feet brush against his during a jump scare. I don't think anything of it and just leave my feet touching his. I hate scary movies. Everyone knows it so I'm hiding half way under the blanket. That's how my feet managed to reach his, despite how tall he his.

With a subtle movement Edward taps his foot with one of mine. Is he playing footsie? I have no idea, but I can't help my curiously. So I tap his foot back discreetly. Then he does the same thing again. Yup. We're playing footsie like we're young again. But we crossed the innocent line 6 years ago and I have no idea what this means. I just know I can't help myself.

The rest of the movie is a secret game of footsie and all too soon the movie is over. We pull our feet apart slowly as to not alarm anyone. Alice announces she's tired and I agree. Edward says he's heading out. I give him a hug and say goodnight. Emmett leaves with him to crash on his couch.

After getting ready for bed I lay down in the guest room. I decide to text Edward because I'm nothing if not blunt.

Me: Were you playing footsie with me?

My phone lights up almost immediately. Pussy. He was waiting for me to text him first.

Edward: Yeah. I was. At first I wasn't sure if you tapped me on purpose so I tapped you back.

Me: The first tap was unintentional. Everything after wasn't. Look who is making first moves now.

Edward: Microfootsie under the blankets while everyone was in the room. Scandalous. Who knows how this started. I just know one day it did. You know...I thought about it from time to time. That summer. Especially after you brought it up for the first time since.

Me: I've thought about it too. For a summer straight we just did what we wanted. Then you left and there were just memories.

Edward: We never really talked about it. Even during. Did you notice? We spent that entire summer together and then it just ended . It was months long and at least over 20 times. When it was over we didn't really say anything about it.

Me: You left for college. It was a great summer and I have no regrets. Did you ever regret it?

Edward: Never. It was like one day it happened so randomly and then I couldn't stop or stay away. It wasn't just us using each other. We hung out and sometimes we hooked up.

Me: I never asked you to stay away. I obviously enjoyed it every time. I almost wish the movie didn't end. I shouldn't be saying that but I am.

Edward: Same but we were playing a dangerous game.

Me: I'm seeing a trend here. I think we both like to live a little dangerously.

Edward: It's animalistic magnetism. I can't help but want to be near you, but I know I shouldn't. I know someone might be watching but I gravitate towards you.

Me: Animalistic magnetism. That's a good way to describe us. The lines blur and we both just have complications.

Edward: We're fanning a dangerous flame with a ton of baggage.

Me: Who knows how the rules of attraction work. We should go to bed though. I'm leaving for my cousins tomorrow. Figure your shit out.

Edward: Goodnight B and I will.

I fall asleep that night thinking of him when I know it's taboo. Fuck. I'll always want Edward Cullen. In the back of my mind he was always there. I just denied it. This is getting complicated. I'm straight out of a relationship with no direction in life. He's putting off Irina. What is my life? An Oscar worthy best picture? Shit like this doesn't happen to normal people.

In the morning, I pack my things and tell Alice I'll be back soon.

"You'll decide when you're there that this is your home. Don't go back. If you do, you'll be settling. You'll get lonely and you'll let Felix back."

I simply just shrug my shoulders and leave. I need to process. What better place to process than the woods. That's fucking sarcasm. Leah is certifiable for living here. She's got a literal cabin in the woods surrounded by old money. The WASPS gather here. There's houses ranging from cabins to estates. But Leah is too down to earth for the estates so she got a huge cabin with a lot of land. Leah has the benefits of our wealthy breeding mixed with disdain. Most of these places have been passed in the family for generations. It's suffocating.

While she has questionable tastes, I'm relieved to see her.

"Thanks for this Leah. It's been so long and I'm glad I'm here"

"You know I love you girl. Make yourself at home. There's tons of land and you should explore!"

Now here's the thing. I'm not a hiker. Seriously, I go when I'm dragged but I hate nature with a passion. Its eerie and too quiet. It's simultaneously perfect for hiding bodies and for contemplating things in silence. While the former is useful the latter is a bother. There's been so much that I don't want to confront.

But of course things don't work that way. You can't run from things no matter how hard you try. So a day after my arrival I found myself walking around. I've walked deeper into her woods when suddenly it starts to rain. The weather seemed suspicious but no I just had to go for fresh air.

So here I am feeling dramatic and walking back in the rain when it hits me. Everything just hits me all at once and it enrages me that it has to be during a fucking thunderstorms. That's so much more extra than called for.

I'm literally crying in the rain, wondering what the fuck I'm doing, why I've wasted so much time, and why my sense of love is so fucked up. My five minutes of crying are up now. I've made my decision. I'm staying.

I literally went from Eat, Pray, Love to Wild. Maybe I should pitch the rights to my life story to HBO. Euphoria did well and everyone loves a good teen angst show. I'm snorting internally at my circumstances but I text Alice anyways.

"Can I have shelter?"

My phone rings with a text a minute later

Alice: "Welcome home."

Me: "Pity party?"

Alice: "I'll pick up our supplies and hit up our supplier."

I'm fully aware drugs and alcohol are not the answer but we all know that most of the non-sheltered and wealthy millennials have had a lot of fun experimenting in the past. So yeah judge me, I'm gonna almost black out and maybe do a few lines. But then I'll get my ass in gear.

I make the phone call to Felix that I'll grab my shit when I fly back. I tell him I'm coming home but staying in New York. It's heartbreaking even if I'm not in love anymore. Saying goodbye is hard and it's pretty fucked up that I'm doing it so casually. He was hoping to convince me that it could work still. It's kind of fucked up I have always sort of held him at a distance. He was my substitute for all the things I was missing but never a replacement.

The next day I'm back on a train to Alice's. She made good on her promise of supplies and I'm ready to get fucked up. We spend the night drinking and snorting a few lines here and there. Edward is here too. He just ended things and deserves in on the pity party.

It's like 2am and Alice got put to bed half an hour ago. Jasper called it a night too after telling Edward to just crash for the night since Emmett left to go back home already. So that's how only the two of us have ended up sprawled out on the floor.

"Hey Edward? You're kind of a serial dater. I've noticed that throughout the recent years. So how do you even know when you're truly in love?"

"Bella, I'm mildly offended but also slightly embarrassed because I see your point. I guess I just feel lonely so I keep trying to find someone who just fits you know? But my problem is I date at a surface level. I try to make things work but I'm not afraid to call it quits and try again."

"That's where we're opposites Edward. I get lonely, pretend to be in love, but then don't call things quits when I need to. Are you lonely right now since you've basically ended things?"

Edward waits a minute before answering me.

"Not right now B. I'm sad for us but we'll be okay soon enough. We always are."

Honesty has always been a grey area for us. We keep secrets. We don't say everything we should. But bluntness has never been an issue, especially when I have alcohol in my system.

"Hey Edward? That day when we played microfootsie and then talked about it, was that an emotional affair? You're on a break technically and I'm done with Felix, but was it wrong?"

"If felt right so I don't want to call it wrong. But for the sake of preservation I should probably just officially end things too. We both know it's coming. I think in some fucked up way, I've been trying to ease her into the break up. I'm not a little heart breaker like you."

"Hmm. I prefer the term 'stone cold fox'"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It's something from The Virgin Suicides. I guess it's a femme fatale but romanticized"

Edward let's out chuckle and turns to face me so I roll to my side to stare into his green eyes. It's too intimate and I feel like it'll swallow me whole, so I smile but roll on my back to face the ceiling again. He still needs to settle things and I've just finished settling my business.

"I'm going to bed now. Good luck sorting your affairs and let us know if you need a pity party tomorrow."

"Goodnight B and just so you know, they're all idiots. Everyone back home, every guy up until now, they're all idiots. You deserve everything that anyone can offer. You're the sun. A little harsh at times but radiant."

"Keep your lines Cullen. They don't work on me", I retort. I say that to maintain my cool but his lines do work. I walk away quickly to hide my slight smile. As long as I have everyone I'll probably be okay.