It turns out that Alex and Peter made the train just as the doors were closing, and Peter saw that as a miracle in itself. Alex had laughed it off and said they had perfect timing, but Peter was just glad that he didn't have to face his aunt who would never let him live it down. His conversation with Alex had left him in a weird mood. Part of him knew that he should've been appreciative and happy to know that he had a family that cared for him. However, there was still a part of him that struggled to believe that he was visible.
The harsh reality that Peter faced was that the world had moved on while he was gone. May found a new family and she was the happiest that Peter's ever seen her since Uncle Ben had passed away. George made May happy and Peter would never hold that against her, all Peter wanted was for May to find someone who loved her like she deserved. George and Alex had never held it against Peter that he had left his aunt to fend for herself, and they had welcomed him with open arms without hesitation. Alex especially was so kind hearted and continued to include him whenever he had the chance to do so.
It's hard to reciprocate the feeling when you're not showing your true colors, Peter reflected.
He had debated for a long time about whether or not to reveal his alter ego to his new family. They had proven time and time again that they were trustworthy enough, but Peter was genuinely terrified to do so. Spider-Man was his last connection to his life from before the snap, it was the one thing that he still had full control over. So, he just held it close to his chest and hoped that control wouldn't be ripped away from him a moment's notice.
"You're getting lost in your head again," Alex's voice brought him back to reality.
Peter looked up from where he was sitting on one of the benches. Alex was standing in front of him, his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.
"Sorry," Peter automatically apologized.
"You say sorry a lot," Alex noted. "I gotta say, that doesn't seem entirely healthy."
Peter just shrugged, "You're not the only one who thinks so."
"So why do you do it?" Alex wondered.
Peter frowned at that, "What?"
"Why do you apologize when you've done nothing wrong?" Alex elaborated. The question wasn't unkind, and Peter knew that the older boy was just trying to keep him grounded in the present.
"Uncle Ben told me I started when I was at a young age," Peter began. "He said it was just written in my vocabulary, but he also told me it showed the kindness in my heart."
Alex was silent for a moment, "He sounded like a good man."
Peter smiled sadly at that, "He was." He looked at his hands for a moment before saying, "Tony invited me over to his family's cabin for the weekend."
Alex looked intrigued at that, "That sounds amazing, dude! A weekend at a billionaire's cabin?"
"He wants me to meet his daughter," Peter elaborated sadly.
The older boy paused before he spoke, sympathy flowing in his voice. "Oh."
Peter's eyes flickered up to Alex's before he looked away. "Yeah."
"And you don't want to go," Alex guessed.
"Not really," Peter admitted.
"But you told me you wished he'd spend more time with you," Alex knocked his knee against Peter's knee. "He's making an effort."
"I don't want to meet Morgan," Peter shook his head. "I can't."
"How old is she?"
"She's six years old."
"Can I be completely honest without you getting mad at me?"
Peter sent him a curious look.
"I think you've convinced yourself that Morgan's the sole reason that you and Tony's relationship is where it is."
Peter froze at that words, "What? No, not at all, it's not her fault."
"Then what's really going on?" Alex prompted.
"Morgan is just a reminder of what I can never have, okay?" Peter confessed. "I don't blame Morgan, she's just a kid. I don't really blame anyone, I mean how can I? What gives me the right to assume that Tony will put me over his flesh and blood daughter?"
"Peter..." Alex looked torn. "You need to talk to him. Whatever is going on with you and Tony is not doing you any good. You're wearing yourself thin, and I just... I know how it's so much easier to be angry than it is to be sad. That fight between the two of you? I just don't want you to do something that's gonna hurt you."
Peter wiped at his eyes self-consciously. "I'm not trying to be a jerk or the villain in this situation. And I know you want to fix whatever is going on with me, and I appreciate it, it's really kind. I know everyone expects me to be this rambling kid who never knew when to shut up, but I just can't right now."
Alex was silent for a moment before saying, "You know, I was really planning on cheering you up but that conversation didn't really work did it?"
Peter chuckled sadly at that, "No, I guess it didn't."
"I can make a knock-knock joke if you think that'll make you smile."
Peter laughed fully at that, "You're insane, Alex."
Alex beamed at that, "Hey, being a doofus is my specialty."
The train began to slow down, indicating the train's arrival at the train station. Alex sighed, "Back to reality for the both of us."
Peter bent down to scoop his backpack off the floor. "I thought you liked going to school?"
"I have a calculus exam today," Alex admitted. "That'd make anyone hate school."
Peter grimaced, "Fair point."
As soon as the train came to a complete stop, Alex and Peter walked off and made their way down the subway station's stairs that rested just across from Midtown High. When they made their way inside, Alex wished Peter a goody day and left him with a promise of meeting him by the train station after school. Peter hated to admit it, but as soon as Alex left, the invasive thoughts came back with a vengeance.
Shake it off, Peter, Peter scolded himself.
Peter made a beeline to his locker and he could feel everyone staring at him, aggravating his sixth sense enough to make him want to throw up. Once upon a time, before the snap, stares wouldn't have been enough to bother him. It would tickle his spider sense but it had been more of an itch than anything else. Nowadays with his spider sense always on alert, the stares were enough where Peter was concerned about a sensory overload.
So when Ned came up to him with a loud, "Hey, Peter!" Peter nearly jumped out of his skin.
"Jesus, Ned, you scared the hell out of me," Peter leaned against the wall of his locker, a hand on his racing heart.
Ned studied him, his eyebrows knitted in concern. "Senses?"
"Let's go with that," Peter replied, opening his locker.
"What happened at the Compound, dude?" Ned asked.
"What makes you think something happened?" Peter didn't spare him a glance as he opened his backpack to grab his anatomy textbook and put it back in his locker.
"Because if your senses are screwy without an episode then that means you're either horrible liar or you had a fight with someone."
Peter exchanged his anatomy textbook with his english textbook. "Ned, please don't make me talk about it."
"Too bad, because we tell each other everything," Ned gave him his 'tough luck' look. "Did you get into a fight with him?"
Surprisingly Peter didn't need to make Ned elaborate to know who his friend was referring to. "It was nothing, it was just Tony being a dick."
"Considering those fiery words that go against Peter's moral codes, I highly doubt it was nothing."
Peter sighed and rested his head against the door of his locker. "Okay, fine. Yeah, we had a fight."
Ned placed a hand on Peter's shoulder, "Come on, dude."
Peter deflated, "I'm..."
"Don't say sorry," Ned cut him off. "No offense, dude, but you really gotta stop apologizing for ever single thing. It's not healthy."
Peter cracked a small smile at that before he turned to look at his friend. "Tony stopped me from going on a mission with the team."
"Why did he do that?" Ned asked.
"I haven't even gone on a single mission yet," Peter said, careful to keep his voice low. "It's just... After everything that happened, he still treats me like I'm some irresponsible kid that he can't trust to look after themself."
"Even after going to space and fighting an alien?"
Peter looked around to see if anyone heard their conversation, and when he saw it was clear he turned back to his friend. "He doesn't even have the right anymore," Peter grumbled. "It's not like he's gone out of his way to even spend time with me since I've come back."
Ned's face softened at the true meaning behind Peter's words. "Dude, I highly doubt that."
"No, I'm tired of everyone trying to convince me otherwise," Peter shook his head adamantly. "He has his own family now, and I've just come to accept that I'm not a priority to him anymore. But he does not get to just lecture me whenever he finds it convenient to."
"There's got to be a misunderstanding," Ned protested.
"Whatever, dude, I'm over it," Peter slammed his locker and immediately regretted it when the loud sound made him cringe and he fell to his knees as he covered his ears.
He heard someone shout his name but the pain in his head was unbearable. It felt like every single one of his senses had lit a flame that sparked a wildfire through his entire body.
So much for not having an episode, Peter managed a single thought through the raging fire in his head.
A moment later the piercing sound of the hallway was muffled to a whisper. Then hands were on him and he was moving. Peter almost flailed at the sudden movement, his spider sense on high alert, but through the haziness in his brain he was able to make out the sound of Ned's frantic heartbeat and the smell of Harry's cologne. When he was sat down, Peter heard muffled voices talking to one another.
He slowly felt his senses coming down from its frenzied state he reached up to pull the headphones from his ears and he hesitatingly opened his eyes. Looking around, Peter saw that he was in the darkened auditorium, the only source of light being the single faint light from the windows of the hallway doors.
"What do you mean an episode?" Harry was whispering to Ned.
"Anxiety attacks," Ned lied easily.
"And you want us to call Tony Stark why?" Harry asked dubiously.
"Don't call Tony," Peter ran a shaky hand through his hair.
Ned came to kneel beside him. "You're not staying today. Not after that."
"Don't call him," Peter repeated.
"He's your only other emergency contact, dude. I called you aunt, she can't skip out of work."
"Why is Tony Stark your emergency contact?" Harry sounded in awe.
"Harry," Peter shook his head, and immediately hissed in pain as his head regretted the movement.
"He's his intern," Ned said anyway.
"He's his what?" Harry demanded.
The noise made Peter whimper. Any other time he'd be embarrassed for making such noise, but at the moment Peter was in too much pain to care.
"Harry, please," Ned sounded on the verge of tears.
"Oh god, Pete, I'm so sorry," Harry immediately apologized.
"I'm calling Happy," Ned finally decided.
"Ned, no," Peter protested.
Harry glanced at the clock on the wall and he paled at what he saw. He hastily pulled his phone from his pocket and he said, "Ned, what time's the drill today?"
Ned paused, the phone to his ear. "After homeroom, why?"
Not a moment later the fire alarm blared to life and Peter let out an agonized scream and he gripped his aching head. He faintly heard Ned yell at Harry to catch him, but Peter was passed out before he could reach him.
When Peter came around, the first thing that he noticed was that everything was dead quiet. The second thing that he noticed was that he was laying on a surface that was far more comfier than anything that he had back in Queens.
Compound, Peter sunk back into the mattress.
Everything that happened came back like a slap to the face. Peter felt absolutely humiliated at is breakdown in the hallway and then passing out in front of Ned and Harry.
Harry! Peter's eyes flew open and he sat up. Harry had been there when Peter's senses wrecked havoc on his body. How was he supposed to explain something like that to someone who most likely will call him on his bullshit?
Right now you have bigger problems to worry about, Peter reminded himself as he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm himself.
His senses were still sensitive, but they were tolerable. It made him wonder how long he had been there if he felt back to normal. Or, well... if you consider it normal for him having a constant pit in his stomach from the lingering sense of his spider sense. What wasn't ideal was the fact that he was in the compound and therefore there was little doubt that Ned had told Tony what had happened.
Don't lie to yourself, Peter, you hope he knows, The traitorous voice inside Peter's head said. It's pathetic, you have to grow up.
"But I don't want to," Peter said aloud. He genuinely didn't want to think about the possibility that Tony knew and didn't care.
Glancing over to the nightstand, Peter saw that his Stark Phone was charging with a note resting just underneath the device. Frowning, Peter reached over and plucked up the folded note and opened it, the familiar script making his heart skip a beat.
Hey, Kid, had to bounce to an SI meeting that Pepper essentially dragged me to. I told May that you were spending the night, but if you feel steady enough you don't have to stay if you don't want to. Don't try to sneak out, Natasha's on Spider patrol. I didn't ask her to do it, but I swear you got the entire team wrapped around your finger. Call me when you wake up.
Peter read the note twice before he put it back down on the nightstand and buried his face in his hands. He was torn between feeling like he wanted to break down and jumping for joy. Alex was right, he had tried so hard to be angry at Tony for what was happening between the two of them because it was easier to do that than just break down the wall of everything that he had been holding back.
I just don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to be sad anymore, Peter thought.
Peter heard the faint buzz of his Stark Phone and he grabbed it. When he turned it on, he saw a message notification from Alex.
It's Family Night at football this Friday. I know Tony invited you upstate, but I just wanted to extend the invite. You're family to.
Peter felt a weight lifted off his chest at the invitation. It made him smile that Alex thought of him. Looking at the time, Peter saw that it was just past seven o'clock and he realized he had been out for close to ten hours. He had to admit that he was glad that he had slept through the brunt of his sensory overload, it was always a nice change when compared to the agonizing hours of throwing up and withering in pain. What he couldn't ignore though, was the familiar pang of hunger that was growing with every passing second.
Setting down his phone, Peter maneuvered himself so that he could throw his legs over the side of the bed. Just as he pushed himself to his feet, a wave of vertigo slapped him in the face and he lowered himself back down on the bed.
"Shouldn't be surprised," Peter grumbled. "One more way to show you're pathetically weak."
Peter knew that wasn't fair, but his metabolism drove him up the wall sometimes. It was true though, ten hours and no food was a red flag.
"Hey, FRIDAY?" Peter called out.
"Good evening, Peter," FRIDAY responded.
"Is there anyone in the compound at the moment?" Peter asked.
"Captain Rogers, Mr. Barnes and Mr. Wilson are the only ones present at the moment. Captain Rogers is in his room and Mr. Barnes and Mr. Wilson are currently in the kitchen."
Peter bit his lip, he didn't want to ask for help, but at least there was one person here who wouldn't tease him for it.
"Can you ask Captain Rogers if he'd able to come to my room?"
"Of course," FRIDAY agreed.
"Thank you," Peter replied appreciatively and closed his eyes as his vision swam. It wasn't the type of vertigo where he was in danger of passing out, but it was the type of vertigo that would land him on his ass if he wasn't careful enough.
A quiet knock sounded at the door and Peter called out, "Come in."
The door opened enough to let minimal light in and Steve ducked into the room before quietly closing the door behind him.
"Hey, Pete, FRIDAY said you asked for me?" Steve came to sit beside him. "Do you need me to get you something?" Steve asked.
"You don't have to treat me like glass," Peter smiled ruefully. "I'm okay."
Steve gave him a sheepish look. "How're you feeling?"
"Better," Peter told him. "Just really hungry, but uh..."
Understanding flashed across Steve's face. "Metabolism?"
Peter just nodded.
"Got it," Steve stood up. "Can you stand or are you woozy?"
"Bit dizzy," Peter admitted.
Steve grimaced in sympathy. "FRIDAY, can you tell Bucky and Sam to heat up the leftovers?"
"Certainly, Captain Rogers," FRIDAY said.
Steve cringed at the name, "I told Tony so many times..." Steve shook off the thought before extending a hand to Peter. "Ready?"
Peter accepted the hand and as soon as his feet hit the ground, his knees buckled. Steve immediately caught him before he legs slammed into the tile floor. Peter didn't realize he was panting from the exertion of being upright until Steve's calming voice echoed in his ears. Steve had thrown one of Peter's arms over his shoulder and had another steady hand around his abdomen.
"This is so embarrassing," Peter croaked out.
"We'll go slow," Steve promised.
"Can you just put me out of my misery?" Peter asked instead.
"I could carry you, but I think we both know that'll just dig a deeper hole," Steve pointed out amusedly.
Peter's face heated up at the thought of being carried like a toddler. "Yeah, let's just walk."
"Are you good with light or do I need to have FRIDAY lower the lights?" Steve asked.
"I'm fine," Peter repeated. "Just really hungry."
Steve looked uncertain, but he just nodded, "Alright, then let's go."
The journey to the kitchen was torturously slow. Steve had been a really trooper with essentially dragging Peter to their destination. The super solider had kept small talk all the way there, but Peter's head was spinning too much for him to follow along. By the time they made it down to the kitchen, Peter was sweating and he felt incredibly faint. It didn't occur to him that he probably should've just asked FRIDAY to have either Bucky or Sam bring food to his room.
Bucky was rummaging in the fridge while Sam was leaning against the counter with a beer can in his hand.
Sam looked over at their approaching footsteps and frowned, "Wow, the kid looks like crap."
"Gee, thanks for the compliment," Peter managed to get out, but his voice was shaky.
"Bucky where's the food?" Steve asked as he sat Peter at the kitchen table.
"We ate all the leftovers," Bucky closed the fridge. "It was leftover night, Steve."
Steve's face crumpled at that, "Oh... I'll just make a batch of spaghetti."
"Steve, you don't have to, if you give me like three of those protein bars I'll be fine," Peter said.
Steve shot him a stern look. "I'm making you real food. I'll give you a few bars to tide you over."
Bucky walked over and threw three bars on the table, "Way ahead of you."
Peter opened the bar and fell into silence as he just sat there and ate. His eyes watched Steve as the blonde started putting together a giant serving of spaghetti. He felt guilty for making Steve wait on him, it shouldn't have to be like that. He knew that if the super solider knew he was thinking about it, the blonde would fondly call him an idiot before reminding him that he's a part of the team and therefore a part of the family. Sometimes Peter still wondered how he deserved everything they were willing to give a kid like him.
The chair beside him scratched backwards and Peter flinched in surprise.
"Whoa," Sam immediately stopped what he was doing. "It's just me. Sorry, kid."
"It's fine," Peter immediately reassured him, his vision already steadying after two protein bars. "Just startled me."
"How's the senses?" Bucky came to sit across from him.
"Better," Peter told them truthfully. "It no longer feels like my skull's gonna split in half so I guess that's something."
Bucky studied him carefully. "Still sensitive though?"
Peter blushed at how easy the winter solider was able to read him.
"Lay off him, Buck," Steve told him kindly. "He's had quite the day."
"We're not going to tease you about it," Sam said quietly. "I know I joke around a lot, but trust me, I wouldn't do that."
Peter felt warmth blossom in his chest. "Thanks."
It was silent for a moment as Pete opened his third protein bar. Even though it was silent, Peter could feel every single gaze on him and it was causing his sensitive sixth sense to reignite the spark of ache in his head.
"I'm not going to break," Peter said before he looked up. "I'm sorry you had to see that."
"That doesn't bother us, Pete," Bucky shook his head. "We were just worried."
That made Peter feel guilty, "But I didn't ask for that."
"You don't have to ask for it," Sam fiddled with his beer can. "Jesus, kid, I mean we care and we can't help it."
"It's just embarrassing when it happens," Peter admitted.
"Is it always this bad?" Sam wondered.
Peter shook his head. "Usually I can tell when it's coming on. This one just kinda came out of nowhere."
Steve set down a bowl of spaghetti in front of him before coming to sit next to him. "Tony got that call from Happy when he was here at the compound."
Peter's ears picked up on that, but he didn't meet Steve's gaze and instead shoved a fork full of spaghetti in his mouth.
"He almost flew out in his armor to come get you, but Happy convinced him not to. I guess he waited until he had you in the car before he called him." Steve continued.
"Why are you telling me this?" Peter looked up to him, his expression pained.
"He carried you to your room," Bucky ignored Peter's question. "Didn't leave your side until Pepper dragged him out of the room by his ear. He had a vital meeting that he couldn't miss, and he tried. Pepper felt awful, she didn't want to take him away."
"When?" Peter croaked out, feeling his throat tighten.
"About an hour before you woke up," Steve said. "He said he left you a note."
Peter cleared his throat in an attempt to get rid of the lump that resided there. He wasn't going to cry, not in front of three superheroes.
They don't need to see how broken you are, Peter chided himself.
"Peter," Sam's voice made him look up to meet his gaze. "I don't know what's going on between you and Tony, but I think I have a good idea. Tony's the guy who tries to hide the heart on his sleeve but he's too kind hearted and it still shows."
"Sam's right," Steve jumped in. "Even before everything, before the Snap, he was awful at communicating. That's one thing that never changed, but it doesn't mean he doesn't care."
"Please stop," Peter pleaded hoarsely.
"I have a younger sibling," Sam jumped in. "Her name's Sarah."
"You do?" Peter asked.
"I remember when I was younger I was angry at my parents because it felt like they were replacing me," Sam told him candidly. "I didn't understand why they did it, and for the longest time I thought they didn't care about me anymore. It was hard to ignore the sparse goodnights and the sparse 'I love you's. I mean we had an eight year gap between the two of us, it was hard not to notice."
Peter's chest felt tight. "What happened?"
"I was babysitting Sarah one day while my parents were fishing. My mother was attending to clients and my father was out on the boat fishing. I went upstairs to grab something, I don't even remember what anymore, but I left three year old Sarah downstairs by herself for just a second. I didn't even spare a thought about it, it was one of those things where I didn't realize how bad of an idea that was. I left the damn stove on, I was cooking us lunch. One second she was fine, and the next I heard her scream at the top of her lungs. It scared the hell out of me and I just sprinted. Except, I slipped at the top of the steps and I just fell. Woke up in the hospital the next day to my parents cradling Sarah while sitting on my bedside."
"Were they mad?"
Sam shook his head, "They were scared. It was then that I saw that they never stopped caring. Just because someone else comes into the picture, it doesn't mean you're left in the dust."
"But that's different," Peter began playing with his half eaten bowl of spaghetti. "They're your actual parents."
Sam sighed, "Look, kid, I know he's not your biological father. And I know he isn't your uncle that Tony and your aunt have raved about. All things considered though, Tony would do anything to keep you safe and do even more to make you happy."
"As much as he gets on my nerves, Sam's right," Bucky agreed.
"Tony will never be perfect," Steve amends. "But you can't deny he cares for you a great deal. You were his guiding light whenever things got dark. Morgan and Pepper were a small sliver of that, but Tony wouldn't be who he was today without you."
"Why are you telling me this?" Peter repeated, his voice completely wrecked.
"You matter, Pete," Steve told him earnestly. "I can't imagine how hard it's been to come back five years later. I can't put myself in your shoes, but what we all can do is be there when you need someone the most."
Don't cry, Peter fought. Don't do it.
His hands began to shake and he set down his fork. "I'm sorry," He said before he bolted out of his seat, stumbling a bit as he sprinted up the stairs.
He managed to make it into his adjoined bathroom before he bent over the sink and threw up. His entire body shook from the force of his heaving and when his stomach calmed down, he sank to the bathroom floor and cried.
Was it good? Was it bad? Feel free to let me know!