As fall died and November passed, the weather grew colder, and so did Adrien. She felt the unhappiness all around her, in her students, in her home, and especially in Adam. It seemed that no matter how many times she told him that she did not want to. He would bring up things about the past, especially Boston, especially right around the time that Rebecca was born. Her sweetheart Rebecca was almost three years old, and she missed her dearly. She wished Adam would not mention her; it was hard enough to be apart from her without talking about her.

To Adam, Adrien seemed to be pushing him away. This was very hard for him to accept, because she was the one who first got him to open up his heart, and sometimes, he just wanted to let it pour out onto her. The more Adrien pushed him away the more Adam was determined to bring her back. She was there. He knew it. The walls were thick, tall, strong, and hard to climb, but he was not going to give up. She was in there, somewhere, and she still loved him.

December dragged on, and Adrien and Adam's relationship continued as it was. The snows had been pouring down since the end of November, so school had been suspended until it melted off. Adam came by every now and then to see if Adrien needed anything, and every once in a while, he would hook up the sled and take her out for a ride.

One night, a couple days before Christmas, Adam had stopped by to just see how she was doing. By the dark clouds looming in the distance, he could tell that there was a blizzard moving in soon. Adrien was inside preparing for a Christmas alone. Her family had sent her a few ornaments from home along with some simple presents that they had forbid her to open until Christmas morning. She was decorating the tree Adam had brought her when he arrived.

"Hey Adrien, did you notice the storm moving in?" he called from the door, trying to shake the snow from his clothes at the door.

"No, I haven't really looked outside lately."

"It looks like we're in for it. I brought you some wood in case you were running low."

"Oh, my hero," she said sarcastically.

"Well, if that's the way you want it, then I'll take it back."

"Fine."

"You know I'd never do that."

"I know," she answered, taking his coat and hanging it up for him.

"Have you gotten anything from your family yet?"'

"Yes, it's under there." She pointed under the tree. "Do you want some coffee?"

"If you don't mind."

"It's no trouble. I have some made already," she started to head for the kitchen.

"Don't worry about it I know where it is, I can get it myself."

Adam brought the coffee pot in from the kitchen, along with two cups.

"Adrien, why don't you sit down for a minute and talk to me?"

"Why, what's going on?"

"I want to see what you think of something," he tried to reel her in.

"We're the only ones here, why not just spill it out?"

"Adrien please, I really want you to think about this."

"Alright." She reluctantly sat down beside Adam on the settee. "What is it?"

"Listen, I haven't seen Rebecca since I left Boston, and you don't talk about her much so I don't even know how she's doing."

"So, what's the problem, you haven't been concerned before," she wanted to end the conversation quickly.

"I have been, but you don't like the subject brought up, so I try to keep my feelings at bay. Adrien, I feel like things are extremely delicate with us right now. I'm trying to not mess up whatever we have."

"I don't see why it's any of your business. You left her with me in Boston. You could have brought her with you."

"But I wouldn't do that to you and you know it, Adrien, and anyway, I thought you were coming with me."

"So you were fine with Gabe being an influence on her."

"She was in Virginia. So what was your point in bringing all this up?"

"Is there anyway we could bring her here?" he asked, hopefully.

"Why?"

"Because, I have a right to see her, to have a part in her life."

"What makes you think that?"

"That should be obvious," he was surprised at her hesitance.

"I see your point but bringing her here isn't a good idea."

"Why not?" Adam asked.

"People already are talking about the fact that I live out here, alone. What do you think it would do to her to have to hear those rumors, and just think of the ones that would start if she showed up? I'm not putting her through that."

"But what about having her here just temporarily? Just as a vacation, a trip to visit her sister."

"I don't know. It might work, but it'd have to be in the summer, and someone else in my family would have to come, she's only three. I couldn't let her travel alone."

"I'd never expect you to." They sat silent for a moment. "Do you think she'd know who I am, you know, if she ever saw me again?"

"I don't know." Adrien wondered. "It'd depend on how far back her memory goes."

"Well, will you think about it? Please. I'd really like to see her. I miss her. Don't you?" Adam asked.

"Of course, I do. Not a minute goes by that I don't think of her."

"Not a minute goes by that I don't remember you putting her down to sleep." Adam looked into her eyes, hoping she would remember too.

"Adam, do you ever let go?"

"Why would you ever want to let go? It's memories like those that keep me going. How could you ever let go?"

"Sometimes it just hurts a lot less if you don't remember."

"Well, Adrien, I don't want you to think about it, you need to cheer up. It's Christmas. Can you smile just once?" he kidded, deciding to change the subject.

Adrien gave him a half smile, obviously forcing it.

"Come on, I know you can do better than that."

Adam was now acting so silly that Adrien could not help but laugh.

"That's my girl," he said sitting back down. "Hey, since you're in such a good mood, why don't you go up and dig your chess set out."

"But if you beat me, it'll completely ruin it."

"Don't worry, I'll give you an offer you can't refuse."

Adrien ran upstairs, but halfway up the stairs, she yelled, "Adam, you might want to take a look at this."

"Why? What is it?" He asked, surprised at the change in her tone.

"How long do you think it's going to take for that storm to move in?"

"It won't come in till tonight I bet."

"I think your wrong."

"Why?"

"Look out the window," she told him.

Adam rose and drew back the curtains.

"Oh my god, what happened?"

"I don't know." Adrien said joining him at a downstairs window.

"I've got to get home."

"You can't go out in a storm like this! There's no telling what could happen if you attempted it."

"But Pa, he'll worry."

"He knows you had enough time to get here, and he knows you were planning on spending quite a while with me. He thinks you're here, so stay here."

"Alright, but Sport's outside, I need to put him up for the night."

"I'll help you." Adrien offered.

"If you insist. But you better wrap up, I don't want to have to stay longer because you caught pneumonia, and I'm the only one willing to take care of you."

"Alright, get Sport, I'll meet you out there."

"Okay, don't take too long."

By the time they got Sport in and the horses fed there was already half a foot of snow on the ground. The night drug by slowly. For once, it was Adrien trying to get Adam to settle down and concentrate, he kept looking out the window, hoping to see something.

"Adam, your father knows you're smarter than to go out into a blizzard alone. He knows where you are. It's all right. Stop worrying."

"I'm sorry, I can't help it. What if he isn't thinking like that?" Adam asked.

"He's smarter than to go out into a storm like this too. He knows that if he did and got lost, his sons would be without a father. It'd be better to lose one Cartwright than two."

"I'd just rather that Cartwright to be me." Adam replied.

"We won't lose any Cartwrights, and I know it."

"I hope you're right.'

"I am. Why don't you try to settle down and get some sleep?"

"I'll try but I'm not making any promises," Adam gave in.

"I'm sure everything's fine. You know where the guest room is."

"I should. I designed this house."

"What?" Adrien answered in surprise. This information baffled her and the fact that it had never come up before baffled her more.

"Yes, I designed this house. I sent Pa the plans before I left Boston. He had it started for me before I left."

Adrien was amazed. He didn't have to say it. This house was meant for her. It was meant for her to live in with Adam.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked, trying to cover how stunned she was, but she couldn't raise her eyes from the floor. Adam saw the realization in her face, and silently wished he had never said anything.

"It was water under the bridge, Adrien. It was almost complete by the time that I got home. I never bothered to finish it. There are things I wanted to do with it that were taken out of the plans after I got home, but part of me wishes I hadn't changed it."

"No one ever asked why you built it and then never finished it or moved into it?" Adrien asked.

"Oh, I had some questions but I have a way of getting around them," he answered, "Not that many people really dare to question what we do with Ponderosa land."

"This house in on the Ponderosa?" A little bit of disbelief and anger in her voice.

"Yes, don't worry. This place is on the very edge of it."

"Well, I'm already here," she sighed, "There's no point in moving now. I wish you would have been up front with me about it."

"Don't worry about it. It was here and it's made a good place for you to live. Well, I'm going to bed. We might have a long day tomorrow."

Adam lay in bed for hours waiting until he heard Adrien come upstairs and go to bed. He thought he heard her pause for a moment at his door, but she went ahead and passed. He tossed and turned the entire night, in and out of sleep, and his dreams refusing to let up. Outside it was pitch black, as black as Adrien's hair. He lay facing the wall fighting the temptation to look out the window, but every time he looked all he could see was black, and he knew tonight should have been a beautiful full moon. After what seemed like hours, he heard his door opened.

"Adam, are you asleep?"

He started to answer, but something kept him from it.

"I doubted you'd be awake," she continued, "but in a way I hope you're listening. I just can't say this to your face."

She paused, trying to keep her composure, but as she went on Adam could hear the tears in her voice.

"Adam, you know I never really stopped loving you, no matter how hard I tried…"

Thank you, God, he thought.

"…And believe me, I tried. I cursed you up and down, but I could never get myself to believe it. I tried to replace you, but that didn't work either…"

At least you didn't end up stuck in a life of misery.

"… It got to where I couldn't look at Rebecca anymore without missing you, especially after ….I can't even tell you asleep….. So I sent her away, and I had another excuse for my heart to be broken…"

I never knew it hurt that bad. It's my fault; I should have never listened to him.

"…But it was easier, to know that at least, I'd see her again, and concentrating on that was easier than thinking about the fact that I'd never see you again. I did what I had to. I hope you understand; it hurt to love you…"

I wish I'd have known.

"… It hurt so much I wanted to die. All I could do was shut everyone out. But Adam, I'm scared to open back up, what if I lose you again…"

Oh, Adrien, you won't lose me, I won't let it happen ever again, I promise…

"…I don't know if I could get through if that ever happened. Adam, I want to love you, I really do…"

Just let go, Adrien, you already do.

"…But it's too late, I can't love anymore. I can't let myself. I think that part of me died when I thought you had, and any hope I had died later. I think that it's gone forever. I hope, that someday, you can forgive me."

She ran out of the room in tears, Adam heard her door shut down the hall. He let the shock of the moment move over him. He lay awake for a long moment as if her presence lingered in the room, and almost in a trance like state, got up and walked down the hall to the door of her bedroom. He could hear her sobs muffled in her pillow. He tried the knob, but he could not bring himself to go in. That might be worse that what she already was going through. His heart pounded so hard it almost knocked the air out his chest. He sat there by the door trying to decide what to do. Finally, as her sobs slowed, and finally stopped, he gained the courage to go in and tell her how he felt. He found that she had cried herself to sleep. She was so beautiful, even with red eyelids, and dried tears on her cheeks. He bent down and brushed the hair from her face, she stirred. Adam jumped back hoping he hadn't pulled her from what he hoped to be a wonderful dream world.

"It's never to late, my dear," he breathlessly whispered, "I love you, and if you look in your heart, you'll see that you can let yourself love me too. That part of you isn't dead, I can see it, and you would not have stayed here if you didn't. Adrien, look in your heart, please, you haven't lost the key, you wouldn't have come here if you had. You can love again; you wouldn't still be here otherwise. Look to me, love, and just let go."

The morning sun shone through the window to wake Adam. He looked out and guessed that at least four feet of snow fell overnight.

It's definitely looking like a white Christmas, he thought.

Adam's trek to the barn was not easy. He had to shovel his way to it, and then around the doors. Adrien woke up early, even though she had not slept much the night before. She fixed breakfast just the way she knew Adam liked it and lit the candles that were on the table left over from her birthday three months before for light. She stoked the fire best she could. Adam came in trying to keep his teeth from chattering.

"G…Good morning," he said, gritting his teeth.

"Good morning." Adrien answered, holding back a small giggle.

"What's with you?" he asked noticing her humor.

"Nothing," she said, handing him a cup of coffee, and returning to the kitchen.

Adam went to the living room to drink his coffee by the fireplace and try to warm up.

"You know, I never noticed the resilience of the seasoned cowhand before." Adrien called from the dining room as she sat the table.

"What do you mean, resilience?"

"I meant that I never noticed how callused you are to the elements before."

"Callused?"

"Yes."

"And what brought you to this sort of conclusion?" He asked.

"Well, just look at you this morning. You spent hours outside in the falling snow, and you come in without a shiver. Your teeth aren't even chattering."

Adam got closer to the fire…and further from the dining room.

"Actually, now that I think about it, I think it's more of an environment thing."

"Again, how did we come to this sort of conclusion?"

"I remember how you handled the winters we spent together in Boston," she answered.

"And what was so different about those?"

"Well, those winters, we were constantly in the cold, so naturally you'd think we'd get used to it right? Of course. But here it's steaming hot, and all of a sudden it's freezing, but you aren't even cold."

"And you're point is?"

"I was getting to that. You had the mentality of a student then. Your mind was set on learning, so you couldn't mentally prepare yourself for the winter. Now your focus is different, so you can spend the long hours doing things like tending to the cattle, or digging a trench to the barn for a helpless damsel in distress." Adrien's jovial tone was becoming more and more obvious.

"If that's a hidden thank you, you're welcome."

Suddenly, her arms were around his neck and she kissed his cheek. "More coffee, hero?"

"Yes, and I'm glad you noticed my… mental strengths. You know it takes a lot of work to achieve that." The kiss on the cheek threw him off guard. This was more like the normal Adrien.

"It must, I've never been able to do it; I guess I just don't have the ability," she said returning with his cup refilled.

"You'd never believe, how much … uh…mental…uh…strength it takes to do the sort of …uh…things I have to …en…endure."

"I'm just simply in awe. Are you mentally prepared for breakfast, or do you need more time for that too." She asked, still kidding.

"I think I can manage."

"Want to lose the coat, hero?"

"I think I'll keep it a few more minutes."

"But if you aren't cold, why keep it on?"

"Because I am," he said, looking at the floor, grinning. Adrien's sarcasm was wonderful to hear. It was banter like this that made him love her.

"You're what?" she asked with a wide smile.

"Rather chilly," he quipped back.

"I knew you would be. Coffee's on the table."

…"Oh, she's so tiny it's hard to imagine she's ours"

"I know, she's beautiful. She has your eyes. I'm so happy she didn't end up with mine." He gently pulled her closer and kissed her temple. His eyes closed to take in the scent of her hair. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

They kissed. She leaned back onto her pillow with the baby in her arms. Her hair sweaty and some beads still rolling from her forehead. It had been a hard labor. She was much paler than normal.

"Let me see her." He said taking the bundle nervous, but gently into his arms. "My God, I don't believe it, I just don't believe it."

He sat down in the rocking chair, gazing over at his exhausted lover, who was now asleep. After placing the baby into the bassinet for the first time, he dropped to his knees by the bed and took her hand.

"You never looked so beautiful. I love you. I never thought I'd ever love a person this much. God, I love you. I can't believe it. I'll always love you and look what you've given me. How can I ever repay you for that? I promise, I'll give you everything you could ever want, and her too. You both are wrapped around my finger so tight, I'll never be able to leave to room without you. I'll never leave without you anyway. I love you, I'll always love you…both of you…"

"Adrien, are you alright?" Adam asked quietly outside her bedroom door. She was sitting at her desk writing.

"Yes," she answered, rising from the chair, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Can I come in?"

"Hold on." She glanced in the mirror and touched up her hair before opening the door.

"What do you need?"

"I was just wondering where you were."

"I was just working on a letter home. Rebecca likes to have my letters read to her before she goes to sleep." She sat down at the desk and opened a tablet that had the beginnings of a letter on the first sheet.

"That's so sweet. If I wrote her as well, could I put it in with yours? Does she remember me at all?" Adam asked.

"She was so little when you left. It's hard to say. She's such an intelligent and intuitive girl," she explained, still not being able to look him in the eye.

"You were probably wise. Of course, you've always made good decisions."

He stepped out the door and came back with a hammer and a few finishing nails.

"What are you doing?"

"I have a few things to finish up in here."

"Like what?"

"You'll see." He began driving the nails into the wall.

"What are you doing to my wall?"

"You'll see." He stepped outside the door and returned with a large picture frame.

"Adam, what is that?" she asked.

"Just a little something I've kept that would look beautiful in here."

"So, first you take over the construction of my house and now you're taking over decoration too!"

"Hold your horses, dear." He hung the frame on the nails to reveal a handwritten sheet of music.

"Adam, where did you get that?" she asked, surprised.

"Then you remember it?"

"How could I forget, I wrote that," Adrien responded.

"Do you remember when?" he asked.

"You were swimming in the river and I surprised you."

"I never expected that anyone would be out there."

"And it was even worse when I found out that you were friends with John, and you were living in the same boarding house with us." She laughed, remembering their first encounter.

"I remember you wouldn't look me in the eye for weeks, and John didn't make things any easier. You were so innocent then, but you were beautiful. You've always been beautiful."

Adrien rose from the desk to gaze at the piece. She could hardly believe she was seeing what she was. She looked at Adam and remembered the day they met. She had been so embarrassed to find him swimming in that creek. She had gone there to get away from the stress of practicing for a new show. It was a favorite place she went for inspiration. Writing music gave her peace from stress. Music had been one thing that brought her and Adam together.

"You still haven't answered my question, where did you get it? I finished that notebook just days after I finished that song, and I couldn't find it since a little while after you left Boston."

"That's because I've had it," he answered.

"Why'd you take it?"

"I knew you wouldn't mind."

"I wouldn't have if I had known where it was."

"How'd you get it here. This hasn't been hidden here under my nose for all this time, has it?" she asked, hoping she had not been so blind.

"No, I have a confession, I've been home this afternoon."

"So I guess you're going home tonight."

"I believe so, yes."

"It's still hard to believe that you've had it all this time."

"I thought then that you were coming with me when I took it. I thought framing it would make a nice wedding present," he offered. She embraced him.

"Adam, I'm sorry for all that happened then. If I'd have known what was really going on, I would have followed you. I would have been here a year sooner."

"I know. That's why I thought this would make a nice Christmas present."

"Oh, Adam, you're right. I love it! You've always been full of good ideas." She hugged him tightly again.

"Merry Christmas, Adrien."

"Merry Christmas, Adam."