"There was a situation, Doc." Mal explained.
"What kind of situation involved stealing my pants?!" Simon asked as he pulled Mal's coat further around himself.
"Oh, we didn't steal them," answered Inara. "They're still under there somewhere."
"Inara?!" Simon blurted out.
"It was a professional judgment call," Inara replied defensively, while conspicuously avoiding looking at Simon.
"Besides," she continued "I'm not the one that stole your underwear."
Simon and Mal turned to look accusingly at Kaylee.
"Why's everyone lookin' at me?" she queried.
"Well, you are the most obvious suspect," Book replied. "Not that I pay attention to such things usually, but I can now."
"I haven't got nothing," Kaylee answered while holding up her empty hands.
"You could have stashed them while we were all distracted," Mal said.
"You mean like our good shepherd is doing right now?" Inara asked.
Everyone turned to look at Book.
"The other one," Inara said in a somewhat exasperated manner, pointing to Wash who was not so subtly walking backwards, his hands obscured behind his back.
"Wash?" Mal asked as everyone turned confusedly toward the pilot-turned-Shepherd.
"Is it my fault Zoe appreciates the feeling of fine silk?" Wash asked.
"She ain't going to be feeling anything if she's dead, Wash," Mal answered, irritated.
"My wife! She's gone suspiciously missing!" Wash cried out, barely drowning out Book's grumbling.
"Not shepherd-like at all," Book muttered in disgust.
"We were going to split up in not at all unpractical groups to go find her," Kaylee supplied helpfully.
"This is all your fault if something happens to my lambytoes," Wash accused, pointing a shaking finger at Simon.
"My fault?!"
"You and your convenient nakedness and fine quality underwear!"
"Boy just doesn't take his vows seriously. A wife? Non regulation underwear? Not shepherd-like at all."
"Regulation underwear? I really don't want to be shepherd now." Wash whined. "Mal? Make someone else be the shepherd."
"Wash, if it'll help us figure out what's going on then you're gonna be the shepherd now, or you ain't going to be the pilot when this is all over, dong ma?"
"Zoe would never let you get rid of me!"
"Really Wash? How's her corpse going to do that?"
"My sweet wife! We gotta find her Mal!"
Mal put his hand over his face.
"Are we going to split up and search the dark recesses of this ship in small, easily overtaken groups or not?" Inara asked.
"Mal, I want my wife back."
"Just see if he gets to go on the good missionary journeys now."
"Uh, Cap'n'?"
"Yeah, Kaylee?"
"Don't we need to look for River too? Wasn't she just here before? All covered in blood and whatnot? 'Cause she ain't here anymore."
"My sister was here?" Simon asked. "When?"
"Just before you passed out and got naked," answered Kaylee.
"Oh. That makes sense, but where is she now? And what happened to Jayne?"
"Jayne! I knew we were forgetting something," Mal said. "Also, River was covered in blood and spouting crazy talk."
"Not again," Simon sighed.
"Again?" Wash asked.
"Uh, nevermind. We should probably go split up and look for them now."
"I thought we agreed on this, Simon?" Mal said.
"Agreed? Since when do you do anything but order?" Simon replied.
"I don't during other...things." Simon looked at Mal in disbelief.
"What other things?" Kaylee asked innocently, interrupting.
"Yeah Mal, what other things?" Simon goaded, standing up and moving closer to Mal, pants now firmly in place.
"Simon and I'll go together," Mal replied quickly. "He's still new to such things and needs more experience."
"New to what experiences exactly?" Inara asked.
"Ship-type things," Mal answered. "And things that take place in ships."
"Mal, don't you think that it would be better if you and I went together?" asked Inara.
"Why?"
"You know, dark, confined spaces, complicated maneuvering," Inara cajoled.
"You can go with, Kaylee," Mal suggested.
"Nevermind."
"But who do I get to go with?" asked Wash, while strapping half of the ship's ammunition stores to himself.
"You can go with Book!" Kaylee suggested cheerfully, from where she was seated on a near-by crate.
"Aw, do I have to?" Wash complained.
"I thought you wanted to find your wife," Mal replied, becoming increasingly more annoyed.
"My sweet Zoe!"
"So just shut up and take what you can get. Besides, I'm sure in the short time since Simon made Book sheriff, Book's studied up on weapons protocol and such."
"Actually..." Book began.
"Right then," Simon said, cutting off the good Shepherd Sheriff. "Mal and I will go look for River."
"Hey!" Kaylee shouted, interrupting. "How come Simon gets to make rules now?"
"He doesn't," Mal answered hurriedly, while taking a conspicuous step away from the doctor. "You and Inara should go look for Jayne" Mal said, asserting his captainly authority. "I'm sure that he'll be needing the comfort of womenfolk, what with his condition and all."
"What about us?" asked Wash, gesturing between himself and Book.
"Your wife?" replied Mal, who was getting increasingly more aggravated. He and Simon needed to look through all of Serenity's closets and storage areas as soon as possible.
"Zoe!" Wash shouted, running up the nearest flight of stairs, while putting on what looked to be an ancient helmet of some sort.
"Supposed to be calm in all thought and deed," Book grumbled, slowly following Wash out of sight.
"Girls?" Mal said loudly while clearing his throat. Kaylee and Inara looked up from where they had been whispering to each other. They stared at Mal blankly. "Pregnant guy, about this tall..." Mal said, gesturing a few inches above his own head.
Inara and Kaylee hopped up from where they had been sitting. "Come on Nara, we should start with your shuttle."
At Mal's disbelieving look, Kaylee added, "I'm sure that in his delicate state, Jayne would need somewhere comfortable to hide, is all."
Just as the girls were about to disappear from view Inara leaned over the railing nearest to her.
"Mal?" she called down. "What if we find River or you find Zoe? How are we supposed to find each other again?"
"Knew we forgot something," Mal mumbled under his breath, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Simon. "Just meet up at the corpse," he replied, loud enough for Inara to hear. "I'm sure nothing will stop us from getting back here eventually. Besides, in the cortex vids, don't these mysterious killers only go after virgins?"
"Something like that," Inara replied.
"Then we're all fine," Mal stated. "Or we will be soon enough" he added, looking at Simon.
As everyone began to wander off to begin their searches Kaylee's voice floated down to the empty cargo bay. "If they only go after virgins, how come Saff-—-the crazy redhead, got killed?"