Author's note:
This chapter, and perhaps others, takes place in the early 1970's in the Wizarding World, and refers to Eileen Prince's late teenage years, which were in the late 1940's. It's been established in canon that the Wizarding World is far more traditional than the muggle world, even in Harry's time, so if you went back about 40-45 years, it would be even more so. Take this into account when you read it, and keep in mind that Severus is an eleven-year-old who has been isolated from both worlds (but has been raised under his rather traditional mother and abusive father) for his entire life. His viewpoints, then, represent what he believes to be from the world he knows back when his MOTHER was growing up, and do not reflect the muggle world of the 1970's, much less the 2020's!
If you find the views he spouts in this chapter to be offensive, please keep in mind that he is a kid of his time and thinking about an even earlier time.
My intent is for him to comprehend what he now knows from his mother with the world he inhabits.
If this offends you, consider skipping over this chapter.
Severus knew, as the silence dragged on, that his mum was waiting for him to say something.
While he'd never considered himself to be particularly verbose, or not on emotional matters, anyway (he was only eleven, after all), his mind felt particularly useless to him at this moment.
Finally, his mum spoke. "Sev? Is there anything you'd like to ask me?"
He shook his head, and then shrugged. Not out of callousness, or anything like that, but because he wasn't sure.
"I don't know," he whispered. "I-I need to work out what you told me."
She nodded, even looked a bit relieved. "Of course, honey. I've told you more in the past evening than I have in your life."
"Well, yes," he agreed. "I didn't know much about anything to do with your...your past."
She hugged him tighter, and Severus wrapped his arms around her shoulders, tightly, not wanting to let go.
"Can I ask you any questions I have, if I have any, tomorrow?" Severus asked, finally.
He felt his arms growing tired, and he let go of his mum.
"You may," she answered, with a smile. "I'll answer as best as I can."
A yawn escaped Severus. "I'd like to go to bed now, I think."
Eileen ran a hand over his clean hair. "Would you like me to join you?"
He nodded. Even if there had been enough blankets-his mum had managed to get a fourth, but two each was not enough, and he wouldn't want her sleeping under only one-he would have wanted to stay close to her that night.
Several moments later, they were both under the small pile of blankets. Just as before, Eileen had her arms wrapped around him, and he thought she might be trying to protect him as much as keep him warm.
All the same, in spite of his tiredness, it was some time before he could fall asleep.
The next day was the day before Christmas Eve, so there would be even more work to do in order to prepare for the menu options on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The staff received neither day off as a matter of course, and Severus wished things had worked out so that he could have spent more time with his mum during the first week of his holidays. He half considered changing his plans so he would return the day before his Christmas holidays ended, but it could easily end up being a repetition of the same schedule.
All the same, his mum was there when he rose-and it was quite later than usual, given that Severus had taken ages to fall asleep. She was dressed, though, and immersed in her knitting, so he suspected that she'd been waiting for him to wake up.
"Good morning, Sev," she greeted, smiling at him. "Did you sleep well?"
"Reasonably," he answered, truthfully. "It took awhile to fall asleep."
Her smile widened just a bit, showing the humor in her face. "I could tell."
Severus rose from the bed. "How?"
His mum put down her knitting, and gently pulled him into her lap. Never mind that he was too big for this, Severus allowed it.
"You make little noises in your sleep. You don't snore, exactly," she added, quickly, "but you murmur a bit. Also, you were lying far too stiffly to be asleep."
He laughed a little at this, and she joined him.
"Are you going to explore the village more today?" Eileen asked, changing the subject.
There wasn't much else to do. His holiday homework was long finished, and Severus had studied ahead several chapters in each of his textbooks.
"I think so," Severus replied. "I made all the purchases I needed to, though."
"Well, keep your money with you, anyway. You never know when you'll find something perfect," Eileen answered, sagely. "And make sure you heat your clothes and your cloak. Hilda told me last night the radio broadcast said it would be even colder today."
"I will," he promised.
"The next time we go to Diagon Alley, I'd like to see about warmer school robes for the winter months. Nothing with wool, of course, but they might have something lined with flannel. Back in my day, we had different robes for each season. I don't know if the standard ones are the only ones permitted, so we'll need to find out," Eileen mused.
"Flannel robes in the winter would be a great deal warmer than cotton," Severus agreed.
Eileen nodded. "I'll check. Perhaps, I could even have a set ready for you after you go back. Hilda's giving bonuses the day after Christmas..."
She went on to chatter about more school related expenses as Severus pulled on his clothes (her back turned, of course), and he made appropriate comments as needed.
They weren't about to talk about last night, it seemed. Or, she was waiting for Severus to bring up the topic.
Well, he needed to think about what he'd learned. It was a good thing, then, that he had several hours to wander the village and go everything over in his mind.
They both ate breakfast in the kitchens, where it was too noisy to talk even if had they wanted to do so. His mum hadn't been exaggerating about the preparations needed for the meals in the next two days. Most of the jobs were done by magic, of course, but that still required the concentration of a witch (he hadn't seen any males in the employ of Hilda). Severus focused on his food, wanting to be out of the way at soon as possible, yet even he saw enormous mixing bowls floating in the air, not to mention ingredients following them...
As Severus made his way outside, having donned and warmed his cloak, he thought about the Hogwarts kitchens. Over a hundred house elves lived and served in the castle, and he and the others had likely seen as many as fifty at one time in the kitchens. It had never been quiet, not by a long shot, but the elves always seemed to be excited to be working, and just as excited-if not more so-to be serving students who ought not to be there in the first place. Still, were it truly off-limits in the way the Forbidden Forest was, they would have reported the students or told them not to return. Or so James said, and he was the one with the cloak.
He might have asked his mum what she thought, only asking his mum about possibly breaking a minor school rule was just about the furthest thing from his mind. Severus realized he'd been nearly running, and slowed his speed to a quick walk.
He turned the story over and over in his head. His mum, seeing herself as unattractive, had not had any boyfriends at Hogwarts. Upon returning home, she'd felt isolated, and turned her entire attention to the first muggle boy who'd given her a passing glance. His father's talk had led him to believe that he should be very careful about having any sort of relations with a girl until they were married, or she would use that to trap him. Certainly, he knew, it was hardly ideal to be far along in a pregnancy upon getting married. Even if the man was the father of your child, it had a feel of...he remembered, suddenly, a phrase that Lily's mum had used.
Shotgun wedding.
Of course, witches and wizards used wands instead of guns, but the intent was the same. You impregnated my daughter and made it so that no "respectable" person would want her, so now, you have to marry her.
Severus flushed at the idea. Muggles thought it was only slightly old-fashioned, but Lily thought that the wizarding world were fare beyond them.
"I mean, Sev, women wear the same gowns that my grandparents wore! Forget about wearing trousers or shorts, it would likely be a scandal to let our ankles show!" she'd told him one afternoon.
He'd laughed. "We can show our ankles, Lil. You're exaggerating."
She'd rolled her eyes. "Have you seen McGonagall or Sprout's robes? They cover their feet!"
Severus had to admit she had a point there, and really, he had never actually seen his own mum's ankles, so he'd admitted that she might have a point.
Anyway, Severus thought, smiling a bit at the memory, his own father had clearly not taken well to learning that his wife was a witch and carrying a wizard. A pregnant wife, he could handle that, especially since the child belonged to him. But learning that his wife could do magic and their son would be able to do the same?
Well, Severus could certainly understand his father's hesitation, and likely anger at Eileen having not told him about her abilities from the beginning. Then again, given what Petunia (and others, he was sure) thought about witches and wizards, was it really that surprising that his mum hadn't told him immediately?
She likely wanted to, only hadn't been able to.
His mum had been a Slytherin, after all. Bravery to the exclusion of all else was hardly what their house valued.
No, his mum had acted the way most Slytherin woman probably would have. Use what you can to make the man who made you pregnant marry you, and tell him the full truth at a later date.
Severus thought that she likely acted in a rather panicked state, without any support from her friends, and might have feared that she would be homeless had her parents learned that she was pregnant with a half-blood child.
His father likely felt tricked after she revealed that she was a witch, and he could understand his losing his temper over small things in the following months. The only other married couple he'd seen were Lily's parents, even if they were muggles, and while they certainly didn't act like they were in love all the time, they got along all right. Lily said that they argued on occasion, but never really fought.
Severus had taken that to mean they didn't throw punches at each other, but Lily had explained that no, it meant that they didn't shout and raise their voices.
Well, all right. His father had been angry at his mother, who's basically lied the whole time about being a witch. And he could almost understand him taking his frustrations out on her, at least in the beginning. But, it hadn't just been for the first year or so.
Severus' breath hitched in his chest as he realized that, as far as he could recall, the hitting had begun after he'd begun to display signs of magic.
Had it been his fault, then? If he'd been a squib, could his father have "overlooked" his mum being a witch, and they would have gone on to live ordinary lives?
Or, Severus wondered, had his father been trying to beat the magic out of both of them?
He clenched his jaw. It was almost a shame that his parents were divorced. He'd like to teach the man who'd sired him a few lessons...
No, there was no point in stewing about that. He wasn't going to try to find his worthless father, not now.
Severus wondered if his mum would try to contact her family. Perhaps, though, she had done so--and not just since the divorce. A single mother with a child might be looked at as shameful. Even in the muggle world, this was hardly cause for celebration.
But did his mum's parents still love her?
Well, he knew, love generally had limits.