I do not own Harry Potter, the Wizarding World, or any canon characters.

The Family that Chooses You

Chapter 53 – Broken Temporarily

"Harry, could I have your assistance with something?"

Harry looked at Alicia, "Sure. What do you need?"

"You're free until dinner, right?" At Harry's nod she beckoned for him to follow. "Very good. I don't know if it will take the whole time but it might. Follow me."

Harry blinked a few times before he did, wondering what she needed or wanted. It was not like he had anything better to do. He could be doing homework of course, but he still felt rattled after yesterday's events. If he was being honest, he planned on hiding somewhere with his cloak again. Find somewhere to be alone and to organize his thoughts. He could always do that after helping Alicia with whatever she wanted.

He followed her out of the tower and down the many staircases. As she led him out of the main doors, he wondered where they were going. As they were about to leave the courtyard he stopped, looking around the grounds nervously. It was a sunny day, one of the last clear days before the coming winter. It was warm but he shivered and he felt that small incessant buzz in the back of his head.

Alicia noticed his hesitation and she held her hand out. "Come on, we're almost there."

He took her hand willingly and nodded. They walked down the path to the lake and he knew where they were going when she led him along the rocky shoreline to a small grove of trees. It was where she told him to find Angelina last year. He felt a little better. From what he remembered, it was a very beautiful spot and peaceful.

As they passed through the hanging branches, he was surprised to see Katie and Angelina there. They had laid out a blanket and were reading. They looked up when the duo appeared and smiled comfortingly.

Alicia pushed him down between them and with a bemused expression he accepted a bottle of iced pumpkin juice from Katie. For a few moments no one said anything. Birdsong and the sound of the waves hitting the shore filled the silence, the breeze made the branches rattle and rustle.

"Harry," Alicia began, "Angelina and I are fifth years. Do you know what that means?"

Harry was still a little confused. "Uh…maybe? You've been here for five years?"

Katie and Angelina giggled and Alicia rolled her eyes. "Yes, very good Harry. What else?"

"O.W.L.s?"

"Precisely. O.W.L.s. We are being tested on five years' worth of knowledge. As you might imagine, that is a lot to review and remember in one year's time."

"Alicia!" Angelina looked angry. "Are you trying to guilt him into talking?!"

"Perish the thought! I only wanted Harry to know how important he is to us and that we're taking the time to check on him despite all that we have to do." Alicia glared at the taller girl. "I know you don't care about your test results because you're aiming for the League but I have to try my best or not get a proper job in the future."

"Professional Quidditch is a proper job thank you and I do want to do well on my tests!"

Katie groaned. "Can it you two. This isn't about either of you right now. Show some consideration."

Alicia's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Please, I act this way for Harry's benefit, you know. Look how amused he is."

It was true. Harry was amused and he was snickering at the two fifth year girls. Their arguments and squabbling never failed to make him smile. In the beginning he was very scared of any of them arguing with each other. He thought all arguments always ended with someone getting hurt and punished. It took him some time to learn that friendly arguments were a thing.

Angelina snorted and pushed Alicia so that she fell over with a squawk. "Rabbit, is everything okay?"

He stopped snickering and looked down at the bottle in his hands. He grunted non committedly.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

He grunted again.

Alicia gave him a mock glare reminiscent of Professor McGonagall. "Use your words dear."

He looked sourly at her and made a hand gesture she made all the time.

"I said words," Alicia replied but she was laughing. "You have to be emphatic with hand gestures Harry. It drives the point across when you are." She made another hand gesture, demonstrating.

"Alicia!" Katie leaned over to push the laughing girl over. "Don't be crude! And you," she gently slapped a giggling Harry on the arm, "don't learn those from her."

After the laughter subsided, she looked serious. "Harry, I know talking about things is hard for you. We will never try to force you to talk to us. Just know that we're here to talk to when you're ready to. We just thought you might feel more comfortable out here for a little bit, kind of like when you were at the Burrow and you liked being outside."

"Even if you decide not to talk, we can just sit here and study together, okay?" Angelina smiled encouragingly.

For a while that was what they did. The older girls read and studied while Harry sat and sipped his juice.

"What do you guys feel when you're near a Dementor?" His voice cut through the silence and just mentioning the Dementors seemed to make the air drop a few degrees.

"Terrible," Katie said without hesitation. "It feels like the air is thick and heavy, and it drags on me. I feel like I'm going to vomit."

"I feel angry and sad at the same time," Angelina said. "Like, I want to fight but I can't. It makes me feel helpless, like I can't control myself and can only get sadder."

Alicia swallowed slowly. "I feel trapped. I feel like something is draining my energy and I can't escape."

"Do, do any of you hear or see things? Like, see your bad thoughts or bad memories?"

"Sort of," Angelina said. "Like, I can hear things that I've heard in the past. It's more that I feel the bad emotions I felt during those bad times. Only magnified if that makes sense."

The other two girls nodded in agreement.

Harry looked out over the lake. His voice was soft, almost covered up by the sound of the waves. The girls had to move closer to hear him. "I hear things. I hear voices and sounds. The first time, on the train, I didn't really know what was going on. Yesterday, in Defense class, a Boggart turned into a Dementor when it came to me and I felt the aura again and I heard the memory again."

"An actual memory?" Katie asked, horrified. "Like beginning to end?"

Harry nodded listlessly.

"Was it when you were with your aunt and uncle?" Katie asked timidly.

He shook his head. "No, before that." He breathed deep. Something in him tried to prevent him from talking, to hoard the secret, to hide it out of pain and shame. Something else told him he would feel better if he shared. That he could trust these three girls. The second something sounded very familiar to him. Before he could talk himself out of it, he continued.

"I hear a woman screaming. She's…trying to save her baby. She is begging for someone to not hurt her baby." His voice hitched. "To take her instead."

The three girls were frozen in horror, speechless.

"He doesn't listen. He laughs at her, calls her names. Says he will spare her if she lets him…kill the baby."

Angelina held her mouth and almost retched.

Tears fell from his eyes but he continued to talk, to look out over the lake without seeing. At first his words were halting and slow but the longer he spoke, the faster they came. The dam had broken and the words flooded out. "He kills her. She screams right before and that's when I can't help but scream too."

"W-W-Who is, was, she?" Katie asked. Her hands shook and she thought she knew the answer but prayed desperately that it wasn't who she thought it was.

"My mum."

Katie hugged him to her, her own tears falling like rain.

Angelina looked horrified. "So, wait, that means, the other voice is…..You-Know-Who?"

Harry nodded against Katie's shoulder.

Angelina crawled over and wrapped her arms around both him and Katie. She was shaking but she did not know if it was because of Harry or herself.

Alicia looked stunned, her mouth opening and closing dumbly. "That's impossible," she said, shell-shocked. "You were a baby. No one remembers anything from when they're a baby. That can't be right."

"You think he's making this up?" Angelina hissed.

Alicia's eyes blazed behind her tears. "No! Of course not! But I'm trying to think of a logical thing here that makes sense and failing miserably!"

Katie glared at the other two and their argument faltered, fading to uneasy silence.

"It's probably because of magic," Harry said lamely.

The others chuckled weakly at the statement.

"The first time, on the train, I didn't know what was going on. I think deep down I had an idea, but I didn't know for sure. Yesterday though, I did. I heard my dad, right before he was killed. I heard mum say my name yesterday."

He began to shake harder. "The worst part is, I want to hear her again. I've never heard her before, from what I can remember. I can hear her, but she's so scared. I want to hear her but the only way I can is when she's in so much fear and pain. I want to help her, but I can't, it already happened. I'm so sick, aren't I? Wanting to hear her in her worst moment?"

Alicia threw herself at them, colliding with them bodily and knocking everyone over. They fell over in a pile but no one complained. She hugged Harry hard, pushing him securely between the three of them. "You're not sick," Alicia said as she sobbed. "You're just a poor boy that is desperate to hear his mum and never had a chance to."

Surrounded by them, Harry finally let loose. He cried. He let all the pain and stress and pressure from the train ride till yesterday out. He felt safe enough to lose himself to grief.

They held him until he slowly stopped. Waited for his sobbing to slow. When he was quiet, they gently moved about, rearranging themselves so all were sitting and still close to each other.

Harry felt much better and also incredibly embarrassed. He tried to hide his face by rubbing it with his sleeve. "Thank you," he said softly.

Angelina pulled his arm away and used her handkerchief to wipe his face, thinking of the last time she did this back in his first year. It was only two years ago, but it felt like a lifetime. Harry had changed in many ways since then, all for the better, but in some ways he was still the hurt boy that she had become very protective over. "Anytime Rabbit," she said. She chuckled softly as he wiggled his nose slightly.

He looked down at his hands. "I can't get her voice out of my head. I want to because I don't want to hear her in fear, but I never want it to leave either. What if I forget how she sounds again? I also don't want to keep hearing…His…voice anymore." He sniffled.

The girls did not know quite what to say to that.

"The memory makes me feel worse than anything the Dursleys did to me," he said, still looking down. "Actually, they both kind of make everything worse. During the memory, I feel like when they've yelled and beat me for ages, the same kind of pain and helplessness. Then I have to hear my Mum and Dad die. I have to hear Him laugh."

He looked up at them and his face was full of anguish. "I feel broken," he whispered.

Katie rested her forehead against his. "That's okay. It's alright to feel that way. Just remember that broken things can be fixed. It might take some time and more than a spell, but it can be fixed. With time and effort and help, we'll get there."

He started to cry again. "Why are you all so nice to me?"

The other two girls moved in to hug him again. "Because we care about you despite you asking silly questions," Angelina said.

"I don't know how to pay you all back," he said lamely.

"Hey, remember the end of last term?" Angelina asked. "Real friendship isn't about keeping score or paying back. It's about giving. We give and you give. That's what it's about. Today we help you and tomorrow you help one of us and so on."

"Thank you," he whispered.

They sat together, the birdsong returned to fill the air. They sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts.

Katie leaned against Harry. The fact that Harry finally admitted out loud that the Dursleys had beaten him did not escape her notice. However, compared to other things, she knew they could handle that later. She was glad to know how Harry was hurting this way despite not having any idea on how to help him overcome it. Still, knowing the problem was the first step to fixing it.

Angelina leaned against Harry's other side. Her mind still reeled from the discovery. It horrified her. She could not imagine carrying that kind of visceral experience. She wanted to do anything she could to help him feel better but she was at a loss. This was not something she could hit or use a spell on. It would not stop her from trying.

Alicia sat facing Harry. Her own problems seemed hilariously small compared to Harry's. She still stubbornly fought the idea that Harry should not have remembered such a terrible event when he was a baby. Of course he did, considering the proof in front of her. It made her feel uneasy and terribly sad for him.

Harry was exhausted. He felt drained. He finally realized how much the knowledge of the memory bothered him. Ever since the train he slept poorly. Nightmares kept him up most nights. Now, with the confession out, he felt like he could sleep better. He felt like a dreadful weight was lifted from his shoulders. He still had to carry the burden of the memory, and how it made him feel. But he knew he was not alone now in doing so.

Finally, Alicia crawled back to her things and took her wand in hand before crawling back. She gently tapped Harry on the head.

"What are you doing?" Katie asked.

"Reparo," Alicia said and tapped Harry again.

Harry smiled.

"Are you seriously trying to use a Mending Charm on Harry?" Katie asked incredulously.

"Thought it'd be worth a try," Alicia said with a surprisingly straight face.

Angelina lunged and grabbed Alicia and started pulling her to the lake. "We were having a nice moment after Harry shared something very personal and painful and you had to go and ruin it. That's it, I'm drowning you in the lake."

Harry laughed. For the first time in over a week he laughed completely and utterly.

The girls looked fondly at Harry and joined in the laughter.

"See?" Alicia said cheekily. "I'm helping."

"And so am I," Angelina said as she continued to drag the struggling girl closer to the water.

"Don't drown Alicia," Harry said, still laughing. "She's funny."

"Thank you, Harry, I'm glad someone appreciates my humor," Alicia said.

"Just a little drowning," Angelina begged. "Just enough for her to get water-logged. Please Harry?"

He opened his mouth but his stomach replied. It grumbled loudly and his face went scarlet.

The girls laughed hysterically and after a moment he joined in.

"Even his stomach said no," Katie laughed as she leaned against Harry.

"Guess I can't then," Angelina said with mock sadness. "Good job Alicia, saved by Harry's stomach."

"A fine thing to be proud of," Alicia said as she rose to her feet, brushing leaves and dirt from her robes. "You haven't been eating properly lately, have you?

Harry shook his head. "I haven't been hungry, but I am now I think."

"Then let's get you fed and watered properly." Katie rose and offered her hands to Harry, helping him up. "You'll need it for practice this year. I know Oliver's going to be more intense this year since it's his last."

Before they left the grove Harry stopped and hugged each of the girls tightly, one by one. "Thank you," he said softly as he finished. "I don't know what'd I do without you."

"Neither would we," Alicia said sincerely.

Angelina reached down and hefted him up on her shoulder. He shouted with delighted alarm and resisted the urge to kick, not wanting to accidentally hit her. "You definitely need some feeding; I've hoisted sacks of taters heavier than you."

"And you said I ruin moments?" Alicia exclaimed. "Double standard!"

"You already ruined it, I'm salvaging it," Angelina replied.

"Speaking of taters, I heard shepherd's pie is for dinner," Katie said with a smile.

"Splendid! Let's go Harry, before it's all gone!" Angelina took off running back to the castle with Harry slung over her shoulder. They could hear the two laugh all the way.

"How crude," Alicia sniffed as she followed at a slower pace.

"You're just jealous you can't hoist people up on your shoulder," Katie teased as she walked alongside.

"Not everyone can be a tall Amazonian brute," Alicia said. She looped an arm through Katie's. "I'm glad you told me about doing this today."

Katie sighed. "Never thought it would be something like that. Poor Harry. He's had a rough life."

"That was before us. We'll make sure it's much better."