Chapter Ten

I'm curled up in a ball, my face in both hands, silently praying for a sinkhole big enough to swallow this mistake, when Christian asks, laughter in his voice, "Okay, baby?"

I don't uncover my face, to wail, "No, I'm not okay. I thought you said Taylor doesn't work Sundays?"

"He doesn't. We had to make some last-minute changes to the team this week, and I asked him to drop off a copy of the updated roster. I'm sorry, baby, I forgot all about it." That explains why Taylor's footsteps sounded different. He was probably in casual clothes. Christian takes my hand, urging me towards him. "Come on out of there. He's long gone. Probably still running."

I let him help me out of my hiding place, as I ask, "You're not angry?"

He embraces me, saying, "Even I'm not that fucked up. It was hardly your fault."

"Do you think he knew, that I was here to...?"

"Give me a blowjob? I doubt he thought we were playing hide and go seek."

I smile, that we've done exactly that in this apartment, but then another wave of shame washes over me, and I suggest, "Maybe we should stick to the playroom for scenes."

He caresses the side of my face, saying, "It that's what you want." I'm leaning against him for comfort, when he continues, "I mean, if you're too scared."

"I know what you're doing, Grey."

His gentle laughs comforts me, and then he asks, "What am I doing, Anastasia?"

"You're daring me. I don't respond to dares."

"Not even from me?"

Damn, he's right. I already feel less afraid. "Okay, maybe from you. But not right now. I need to go word my lengthy apology to Taylor."

"Don't worry, baby, he's seen worse. But I assumed this little incident would be a mood killer for you."

"Not for you?"

"I had to wait five whole minutes while imagining you and your sweet mouth under my desk. I doubt anything could kill my mood with that in my head. But we can do it another day. We've got all the time in the world."

Yes, we do. "Are Taylor and Gail going to live with us in the house?"

"Well, they'll have access, but Elliot thinks there's enough room above the garage for a modest residence. Might even be enough room for Sophie."

"Sophie?"

"His daughter."

"Taylor and Gail have a daughter?"

"Just Taylor. She lives with his ex, Jennifer. She's a little blonde angel. It wasn't an option before now. After all, neither Escala nor my lifestyle were exactly child-friendly. But he shares custody, and I know he misses her. Besides, I like the idea of our kids growing up together."

"Still doubt that you'll be a good father?"

"Like everything else, since meeting you, it's becoming less scary with time. And I know what not to do." I'm silently processing all this information, when he guesses, "Raincheck on the bj?"

That makes me giggle. "For now. I really would like to do the scene though, maybe when we're sure Taylor isn't likely to come in here."

"Don't worry, I doubt he'll ever again set foot in this room, even when the door is open, without at least knocking. And I have to get some more work done."

"So, what are you working on?"

"Our wedding. We have a venue." He sounds so happy.

We want to get married at his parents' home, so I ask, "You talked to Grace? How is she?"

"Still furious, though slightly less so now that I've provided a wedding to distract her."

"She's angry with you?"

"For the secrets, not for the fucking."

Shaking my head, I insist, "But the secrets weren't your fault either. Surely, she knows that?"

"What do you mean? I've been an adult for several years, Ana."

"And Elena had her hooks in you the whole time. Do you think Grace would see Flynn with you, maybe Carrick too?"

"I can suggest it." He kisses my forehead, and then says, "Now, if you're not going to suck my cock, I'd better get back to work."

Finally feeling less embarrassed, I step out of his embrace, and then remember, "Oh, Mia will be here soon."

"Oh?"

"Why do you sound nervous?"

"I don't mind. This is your home too. But I'm not used to even family being in here, other than Grace, of course. Though I've always suspected her weekly visits are a form of welfare check."

Shaking my head, in confusion, I ask, "Your sister has never been here?"

"She's been here, but only as a meeting place, before we went out. She had a tour, but that was before I renovated. I'm not...I never felt able to answer questions about the locked door."

I probably should have thought of that. "I just want her help choosing a wedding dress. Kate's too busy, and Mom is too far away. We can do it at Bellevue, if you'd prefer?"

His hands rest on the outside of my arms, and he says, "No, it's okay. That scared little boy is braver too, nowadays. And Mia has excellent taste, in everything except men."

Remembering that she's probably still concealing the fading evidence of her poor taste in men, I plead, "And you can't peek, remember? It's bad luck."

He scoffs, "You're not superstitious?"

"No, but I don't want to tempt fate, not about our marriage. It's a miracle we've made it this far."

He chuckles, and releases me, saying, "True. Okay, I'll say hello to her, and then leave you girls alone."

Relieved that I was able to honor Mia's faith in me, without lying to Christian, I lift my face to him for a kiss, and then suggest, "After she's gone, maybe I could hide under your desk again?"

He groans, and spins me, smacking my ass, as he says, "Go. I have less than two weeks to arrange a wedding, and you're far too distracting."

I wiggle my ass, as I leave the room, and am rewarded by another frustrated groan.

I have some time before Mia arrives, so call Mom, who greets me, "How's my grandchild?"

I laugh, and point out, "You asked me that last time we spoke, which was yesterday morning, and the time before that."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure you know that I'll always ask, from now on."

"Blip is fine."

"Blip?"

"Uh, I'm obviously okay, but there was some spotting early on, and Christian says the ultrasound looks like a dot or blip."

"And how are you now?"

"I'm fine, Mom. Honest. Better than fine. I'm not sure I even needed to go to hospital, but Christian kind of panicked."

"I'm not surprised. He's recovered?"

"Yeah, just needed sleep. And he's older. His parents threw him a party last night."

"Oh, please wish him Happy Birthday for me."

"I will. Mom, have you booked your ticket yet?"

"Not quite. I was thinking Fourth of July weekend, arriving on the Friday evening? Then we could spend a few days together. Unless you have plans?"

Suddenly nervous, I explain, "I do now. I'll be on my honeymoon. So, how about earlier on the Friday? Then you can see me get married in the evening. I don't have any vacation days yet, and this way we'd have three days, before I have to get back to work."

She's quiet long enough to worry me, and then says, "Wow, he doesn't muck around, does he?"

I laugh, and say, "He's certainly very keen, but I'm the one pushing for this. I just want it to be official, so we can relax a little."

"Relax? From what?"

Damn, I should not have said that. "Uh, just...I told you that I'm not his first; a couple of his exes are in denial about him no longer being available."

She laughs a little, saying, "Well, having met him, I can understand."

I'm not genuinely concerned, when I tease, "Not you too, Mom?"

She laughs again, and says, "No, I have a man. Oh, can he come? The store is getting crazy busy, but he might make the effort for this."

"Of course. I'd love to see him there. I'll send you both an invitation very soon. And I'd better go. I have to tell Dad yet."

"Oh, Annie, he's going to be so happy."

"Yeah. Christian wants to include the giving away part. He's kind of old-fashioned about some things. But I don't know, it seems so..."

I haven't found the right word when Mom suggests, "Patriarchal?"

"Exactly. You'll back me up?"

"Always, sweetie. But you don't need me for this. Just stand your ground. You were born knowing how to do that."

It triggers one of my earliest memories, and I reminisce, "Like the first time you tried to make me wear a dress?"

She laughs, and says, "Poor Ray. He saved up enough to buy you something nice, and you hated it."

I didn't know Dad bought that beautiful pink satin and tulle creation, that I'd immediately remove, and leave lying on the ground every time my parents turned their back. "I do kind of belong to him, don't I?"

"No more than he belongs to you. Not that I doubted it, or I never would have married him, but he's been a wonderful father to you."

"Okay, I'm gonna go, or I'll end up blubbering incoherently at him. 'Night, Mom."

"Goodnight, sweetheart. 'Night, Blip."

Once Mia arrives—carrying a ton of bridal magazines—we set up in dining room, and the rest of the day passes by in a blur. We're interrupted by a knock at the open door. Assuming it's Taylor, I'm blushing while willing words to enter my head, when Christians asks, "Safe to approach?"

Sagging in relief, I say, "Safe, if you don't peek at my laptop. It's down to three options."

"You haven't chosen a dress yet?"

"How many weddings do you intend to have, darling?"

He laughs, saying, "Fair point. We need to get his right. Given that it looks like a publishing house for a bridal magazine in here, I presume neither of you have thought about dinner?"

"What time is it?"

"Almost seven."

I've somehow lost three hours. "God, I'm sorry. I'm sure Gail has left enough for me to whip up something simple."

He approaches, and says, "How about I order some Chinese takeout, while you make your final decision?"

Mia breathes a laugh, and scoffs, "You eat takeout, brother?"

"Thanks to Ana, I do n...what the hell happened to your face?"

"What? Nothing." Mia sounds scared.

Her makeup must have rubbed off enough to reveal what remains of the bruise. I can sort of see Christian, and manage to clasp his arm, to attempt, "Takeout would be lovely, thank you."

He shrugs me off, and is out of reach, when he roars, "Did someone hit you? Was it Kavanagh?"

What the fuck? As one, Mia and I exclaim, "No!" Ethan would never.

Christian is now scarily calm, when he asks, "You knew about this, Anastasia?"

It sounds like Mia has moved around the table to her brother, when she says, "Christian, I'm fine. Just let it go."

"Was it that sullen little fucker you took to the ball? You haven't said his name all week."

"It's not your concern. I can handle myself."

"The fuck it's not my concern! Was it Sean?"

Feeling a little like I'm intruding, I beg, "Christian, please, stop bullying her, and listen."

"Bullying? I just want to know who did this to my sister."

Mia's tone transports me back the first time I met her, when she'd lost her childish air long enough to caution me against getting between Christian and his family. "Then you'd best prepare for disappointment, because your sister will never tell you. And, this, right here, is exactly why. Chrissy, I can't imagine anyone being a better brother, but you need to start trusting me, or I'll never feel able to come to you when I really need help."

I finally remember to breathe, when Christian eventually asks, "Did you at least inform the police?"

"Of course."

"And have you found a job yet?"

"What?"

"I've been on the phone all afternoon, and still don't have a wedding planner. They're all booked out until September. And I'm not fucking waiting that long to marry Ana. You've been forcing fabulous parties on me my entire adult life. We've set ourselves an upper limit of one hundred guests. You could organize a reception that size in your sleep. What do you say? I'll pay you. So long as Ana is happy, you'll otherwise have carte blanche."

"And you won't harass me, about the bruise?"

"I can't promise to remain calm, if it ever happens again. But I can let it go this time. Looks like the fucker barely touched you anyway."

"He tried to, but my brother taught me how to protect myself."

"Yes, I did. Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, Ana. Is it okay with you, if Mia plans our wedding?"

I laugh, unsure if it's joy or relief, and say, "I think it's a wonderful idea. Thank you, Chrissy."

Mia bursts out laughing, as Christian growls, "Ana!"

Christian and I are finally alone, and getting into bed. I'm shocked when he rests his head on my belly. It seems ages since he needed that much comfort from me. I run my fingers through his now short hair, and ask, "About Mia?"

"Sort of. Do you really think I'm a bully?"

Oh. "Uh, perhaps 'haranguing' would have been a better word. Conversation involves listening, and you seemed to be forgetting that part. I'm sorry for butting in."

"But not for keeping secrets from me?"

He tenses, when I laugh, so I caress his back in apology, saying, "Pot, kettle. And it wasn't my secret. Mia assured me there was no chance of it happening again, and that she'd followed up with the authorities."

He's quiet for a while, and then says, "I hope you know that I'd never do that to you?"

At first confused, I eventually ask, "Hit me across the face?"

"Yeah."

"Christian, I know that. I'd hardly be with you if I thought you capable of such violence. I doubt you'd be able to do that even if I wanted it, which I don't." When he says nothing, merely kisses my belly as a thankyou or an entreaty, I ask, "You're not actually worried that you could hurt me, against my will?"

"I still literally dream about the whips and chains, and canes, and paddles...even cable ties. And I wake with a hard-on. I don't feel the need when I'm conscious, but that shit is still inside me. Flynn says it'll stay there, because I know you don't want it. But, what if he's wrong?"

"He's not. You know that the whips and chains are in my head too. They always were. But I've never wanted to act out a scene with anyone except you. And caning is in my journal, Christian, or haven't you read that bit?"

"Baby, I've read the entire thing at least twice already. I think it might literally be my favorite book, ever. But I'm not ready for caning. And I don't mean because you're blind. I got past that. I just...you're still new to the whips and chains, so we need to go slow, partly so that we find your limits without exceeding them. And partly because you are precious to me, so I feel a genuine reluctance to hurt you. But I also need to please you, so we'll get there."

This topic is having a predictable effect on my body, and I suggest, "If you need to please me, your mouth is just a little north of where it should be."

His laugh is relaxed, and he teases one fingertip over my freshly trimmed pubic hair, as he says, "Too bad. I haven't finished conversing. I just wanted to say, that I'm glad you're already someone my sister feels able to trust. But, please, if you ever think she's really risking herself, trust me enough to tell me?"

His words remind me that Mia was basically held captive in Paris, though she hasn't mentioned it again. "I can do that. But it was actually Ethan who told me. Remember, they were sharing the apartment for a few days, and he guessed why she was wearing so much concealer."

"Oh. You know, she's mentioned his name quite a few times."

I don't hear a question mark, but he's definitely curious, so I settle for, "He's a good man, Christian. If things were different, he and I might have become an item, and he'll always be my friend."

"Just as well, given that Elliot and Kate appear joined at the hip. It's all getting a little incestuous."

I giggle, at secret girl talk, and say, "Yeah, I think Ethan feels that way too." And then something occurs to me, "Uh, darling, I need to tell you something. Not bad. But can it stay just between us?"

He tensed halfway through that request, but relaxes, and says, "Of course."

"Remember, I told you the horse that kicked me had already knocked its rider unconscious?"

"Oh, it was Ethan?"

"Yeah. He knows that I dragged him to safety, but not that I was kicked."

"He's the reason you're blind."

"No, fate is the reason I'm blind. But I know he'd feel as you do, so he's the only one in our two families who doesn't know. He was out for three days, and recovering for quite a bit longer than that. By then, I was mostly blind, and it was too late to reverse the damage. I had time to swear everyone to secrecy. He knows only that a bump on the head took my sight. I never wanted him to feel obligated or guilty about it."

"And you were only sixteen?"

"Yeah, but I was just as stubborn then, as I am now."

I feel him smile against my skin, his fledgling beard deliciously tickling, and he kisses my belly again, before saying, "All right, baby, it's locked in the vault. This actually explains a lot."

"It does?"

"For a start, why you treat him like a brother, even though he's pretty enough to almost tempt me. And why his father, Eamon, feels so protective of you."

"You know Mr. Kavanagh?"

"We've done business together, and developed a mutual respect. He called me, just after we went viral, and warned me that I'd better treat you right. It seems that what he referred to as my 'singular tastes' aren't quite the secret I'd prefer them to be. I'm lucky he's a man of honor, or my sexual preferences might have become front page news."

I giggle, and say, "Oh, dear. What did you say to that?"

"The truth, that it's none of his fucking business who or how I fuck."

Thinking back, I remind him, "That was before we'd even had sex, because you were stuck between not knowing vanilla, and being afraid of showing me the whips and chains."

"True, but it was still none of his business. Anyway, I imagine he's relaxed a little now that we're engaged. Is he on your list?"

"Yes, Mrs. Kavanagh too. They've been good to me. And even more persistent than you are about offering me money."

"Which you've no doubt stubbornly refused."

"Of course. But they've been just as stubborn about never charging me rent while I lived with Kate, so I guess they sort of won."

"You're practically part of their family. They definitely won."

I caress his hair again, well and truly ready for an end to conversation, and ask, "Anything else bothering you tonight?"

I feel him smile, before he cautions, "Just that you never, ever call me Chrissy again, or I really will test your limits."

I manage to avoid laughing, and dare, "You got it, Chrissy."