Chapter 32: Unanswered Questions

Severus' sleep was troubled; normally plagued by nightmares of Pandora Pemberton's death, the possibility that Abraxas – and perhaps even Lucius – was involved in either the girl's accident, or her parent's murder – or both – chilled him to the bone. He'd had his suspicions about Lucius' behavior from the start, but he hadn't seriously considered his friend capable of something so – malicious. As he'd told Lily numerous times, he'd always known, even without proof, that Lucius was more talk than action. Even now, as he thought over Lucius' reaction to hearing the Pembertons' name, all he had seen was his own horror mirrored on the older boy's face. If Lucius was involved, he did a fair job of looking innocent.

His mind went back and forth and back and forth until the sun finally rose in the morning, and he heard the door across the hall open and close again. He pulled on his clothes and went downstairs, somewhat surprised to see the dining room was empty. A glance out the doors revealed Lucius striding purposefully across the garden, to the pond hidden beyond the treeline. After hesitating only a moment, Severus grabbed a couple of rolls from the table and headed out after his friend.

"It's customary to allow your host some time to himself every once in a while," Lucius said when Severus had caught up to him. His voice was low and even, sounding more like a growl than his usual careful drawl.

"I brought you a roll," Severus offered, holding it out. Lucius accepted it, but continued walking to the pond in silence.

Only when he had taken a seat by the water's edge did he turn to stare at the younger boy. His eyes were glittering coldly, an anger unlike any that Severus had seen in him before lighting them. For the first time, Severus was frightened of him.

"Well?" Lucius snapped. "I know you want to ask; let's have it."

Severus relaxed only slightly; Lucius' body remained tightly coiled, as though he would spring on Severus at any second. "You know what happened to the Pembertons."

"That's not a question," Lucius said flatly, turning back to the water.

"How do you know?" Severus asked, holding his breath and hoping the answer would not be the one he'd imagined.

"Isn't it enough that I know?" Lucius asked, still glaring at the pond. "Isn't it enough that I have their blood on my hands, however inadvertently it came to be there?" Suddenly his gaze was on Severus again. "Or would you like details? Perhaps you would like to know exactly what they did, why – " his voice broke, and with it, his angry stare. He turned his head away from his younger friend, shaking it with incredulity. "I didn't know it was going to happen until it was too late, Severus. I swear it." A million questions were running through Severus' head; a million questions he wanted to ask, but could not find the voice for. "The girl – it was an accident, Severus."

"Then why have a first year confess?" Severus asked, finding his voice again. "Do you know they put her in Landram's?"

"What would you have me do, Severus? Turn on my own family? My father may not be ideal; he may not even be a decent man, but he's all I have. I could never – and Narcissa –" Lucius put his head into his hands. "She thought I'd done it, you see. Oh, she'd taken the first year's wand –"

"Remi," Severus said, his anger flaring. "Her name is Remi Bagsby."

"I know what her damn name is, Severus! Do you think I wouldn't change everything if I could? Narcissa was trying to protect me. I didn't tell her to; until Bagsby confessed –"

"You mean until Narcissa –"

"Damn it, Severus, I know that things got out of hand! I know that what happened to Bagsby is my fault, but I can't turn Narcissa in. She was already devastated when she found out Pemberton actually did fall. And your hands are bloody, too, don't forget. If you two hadn't cast that Clumsiness Charm, she wouldn't have tripped, now would she?"

Severus sat onto the ground, his head spinning. He'd gone on the assumption all along that he was responsible for Pandora's death, but there'd always been that nagging thought that maybe, just maybe, it would have happened regardless of the charm. His guilt came back in full force, and he stared miserably over at his friend.

"If any of us tell the truth, we'll all pay for it. And I don't particularly care for the idea of spending life in Azkaban, do you?"

"What about – what about the wards on the owlery? And her parents?"

"I've told you; I don't know who took down the wards. Maybe it was the Gryffindor Quidditch team. And her parents – that was my fault as well. The minute Father found out about the girl –" He sighed. "Four lives, Severus. Three dead, and one might as well be, all to protect me."

"Five," Severus said quietly. "Remi's father." The boys didn't speak for a time after that, neither one quite knowing how to continue. Finally, Severus, with a lump of fear in his chest, spoke. "I'll tell Dumbledore it was me that cursed Remi."

"Don't be an idiot," Lucius said, though his voice was not harsh. "You'll be expelled, at least."

"Somebody has to say something," Severus pressed.

"It's done, Severus. If it were just myself, I'd have gone to Dumbledore from the off. But it isn't about me, or you, or even Bagsby anymore. You're not thick; you know offering yourself up wouldn't be the end of it." He smirked humorlessly. "Melison is too fond of you to believe you'd have acted on your own. And if the finger is pointed at me because of you –" he didn't finish the sentence, but he didn't need to. Severus understood from the regret in his friend's voice what would happen. Abraxas hadn't hesitated in getting rid of Pandora's family to protect Lucius. What reason would he have to spare Severus or his family, if that's what it came to?

"This isn't right," Severus muttered, tossing his uneaten roll into the pond.

"We have very little choice now."

"I know," Severus said, his frustration mounting. "I just wish –"

"I know," Lucius interrupted. From far away, they heard Mikin calling for Lucius. "We best get back. Father will be wondering where we are. Happy Christmas, Severus."

Abraxas made no comment on the boys' absence when they returned, but directed them almost gleefully to the enormous Christmas tree in the living room. There was a pile of gifts for each of them; Severus had not been expecting anything, let alone several gifts. Still, the earlier conversation between the boys had soured his mood, and he had to force his excitement, lest Abraxas would notice something was off.

Lucius, it seems, was through putting on whatever face his father requested; he was reticent and a bit sullen, not at all his usual cocky self. By the end of the morning, Abraxas's jaw had set, and he turned a cool gaze on Severus.

"I am glad you like your gifts, Severus. Mikin will bring them up to your room in just a moment. If you wouldn't mind going up, I'd like to have a word with Lucius."

Severus hesitated, glancing at his friend before taking a deep breath and shaking his head. "Thank you again for the gifts, Mr. Malfoy, I do appreciate them – but I'd much rather spend the day with you and Lucius."

"There will be plenty of time over the week for visiting, Severus." The usual formal courtesy had gone from Abraxas's voice, replaced with an icy tone that matched his stare. "Go up to your room and enjoy your gifts. Lucius will be up shortly."

Severus wanted to argue again, but he caught Lucius' stare, and instead he mumbled, "Yes, sir," and left his friend to face his father alone.

Abraxas kept to his word; a knock on Severus' door a short time later revealed Lucius, looking no worse than he had that morning.

"What was that all about?" the younger boy asked immediately, shutting the door behind his friend. Lucius sat in a chair by the window, flicking his gaze to Severus' and then back out to the garden.

"Father was concerned that we were planning to do something – foolish," Lucius said. He turned a stony gaze back to Severus. "Regarding Remi Bagsby."

"But how did he know we were even talking about –"

"Mikin," Lucius spat. "If I had my way, that irritating elf would have been given clothes ages ago."

"Did your father – " Severus' eyes unconsciously went to Lucius' shoulder, but the older boy shook his head.

"I told Mikin to relay the entire conversation. He's always been too eager to share my shortcomings, and only provides exonerating information when I order him to do so. Once he'd admitted that I had convinced you of the folly of speaking out, Father was satisfied. No doubt he will keep an eye on us both for some time."

"But we haven't done anything!"

"And Father will see to it that it stays that way," Lucius said, his voice hard. "So we might as well forget about it and enjoy what's left of our holiday."

Severus watched as his friend crossed the hall to his own room, his stomach roiling with uncertainty.