Chapter 8: Confessions
em'Show me you love me.'/em She doesn't say it out loud, there's no need. They have been communicating without words for years.
Christmas is coming. Only five days away and the city is in full swing. Santas and elves litter the streets, people rush with their last-minute shopping and everyone is full of joy, cheer, and hope. Or that's what Elliot Stabler would like to believe, neither he or Olivia are feeling particularly cheery at the moment.
Elliot is sitting on the edge of his bed staring at the bathroom door helplessly. Checking his bedside clock, he notices the time and groans internally: 6:38 am. Olivia has been locked inside his bathroom for over fifteen minutes with, what sounds like, a bad bout of morning sickness. He had tried to go inside and help her, but she had promptly kicked him out, so he sits and waits now.
Monday morning had found them tangled around each other in their tiny little haven, where it was warm and cozy, safe from the freezing snow and unforgiving winds outside. It was nice while it lasted because a minute after Olivia opened her eyes she began struggling to get away from his embrace and had sprinted, buck naked, to the bathroom.
It has been quiet for a while in there, he realizes, worrying she might have passed out or is too weak to call out for him. Kathy used to cling to him whenever she felt sick, but Olivia is not Kathy. Not at all. Unable to just sit around, he leaves the bed and throws on some sweatpants before approaching the bathroom door and rapping his knuckles softly on it.
"Liv?" He asks cautiously.
"Go away." Comes a small voice from inside. Not heeding her wish, he grabs a small blanket from his closet and goes inside anyway.
"Jesus, Olivia!" He finds her kneeling next to the toilet bowl, elbows resting on the lid and her hands holding her head up. She has wrapped a towel around her naked body but he covers her with the blanket when he notices her shivering and her skin full of goosebumps.
"El, please... I'm fine."
"Like hell you are. So damn stubborn." She looks up tiredly at him and is then he notices how pale she is, too pale. "Be right back." Elliot leaves and comes back a second later with a glass full of tepid water.
"Drink. It'll help to settle your stomach."
"This is all your fault, you know?" She tells him as he handles her the glass.
"It is?"
"Yeah, you and your... super sperm." She snorts, gesticulating to his groin. Elliot chuckles; she's joking, she must be feeling better. "I think you got me pregnant during our very first... encounter," Olivia murmurs with mock indignity over the rim of the glass. "Or the second." Encounter, right. Full-on sex over every available surface during an entire weekend would have been a more appropriate description.
The word 'pregnant' coming out of Olivia's mouth will never cease to amaze him and he falters for a moment. Later, when she allows him to help her to bed and rapidly falls asleep, Elliot sits on the edge, by her side, contemplating her for a moment. He has known for many years now that she is it for him.
Even earlier in their partnership, he knew. Even as his wife was still at his side years after, even if he never got to be with her, she has always been everything he ever wanted and didn't quite know if he deserved it.
The people he loves cover many different layers of his life. Both his children and Olivia share the top, but in different ways. He could never live without either of them, and until a few years ago, he thought he could never live without Kathy, but that was different. There isn't a moment of his life he regrets, because the path he was forced to choose has given him those four amazing kids, but the moment Olivia had entered his life he had noticed a shift within him. She has opened his eyes to things he had thought were long gone.
This 'thing' with her is different, he feels different and he wants to give everything to her, and now he can. He can try, at least, if she would let him. A child, a family of her own. Elliot will fight until his dying breath to make it work. He can't go back, he can't imagine life without her now. Now that he knows her inside and out, now that there's a little human being, half hers and half his, growing inside her.
Placing a kiss on her head, he lets her rest and moves to the kitchen to fix them breakfast before they start their workday. It is when he turns around to set her plate on the table that he sees her leave his bedroom, fully clothed and looking for her coat.
The question is on the tip of his tongue, but she beats him to it. "I'm gonna head home, I want to take a shower before work."
"Okay." He hesitates, suddenly apprehensive. "You can do that here though."
"I don't have any clean clothes here." Olivia simply states, as if pointing out the obvious while she slips on her coat.
"You could have clean clothes here." He wants her to stop moving, just stop for a damn second. To understand what he's trying to say. She keeps imposing this distance between them, he wants to know why. What more does she need? Whatever it is, he will give it to her, if only she would just stop running.
She doesn't answer, just stares at the floor for a second, then turns around and leaves, the worse part is that he lets her.
At work, they are the picture of professionalism in front of the squad and, when Olivia arrives just ten minutes after Elliot, they get in sync as if it's just a normal, regular day. His mind is certainly not mulling over the way and the why she ran out of his place or thinking about the small sonogram picture that now sits in the inside pocket of his suit jacket.
No, he's definitely not thinking about those things.
They spend the day interviewing witnesses that were around the area where their latest victim was dumped. Elliot has to stop himself several times from asking her what happened that morning that made her leave and is almost successful until Olivia excuses herself, gets out of the car, sprints towards a near alley, and loses her lunch inside a garbage container. Then it is all he thinks about, she doesn't leave his mind for the rest of the day.
It is late in the afternoon when they head back to the station; they have stopped along the way to pick up her prenatal vitamins while she had successfully stopped every slight attempt he made to broach the subject. When they finally arrive, they come across an unordinary picture: Munch is standing on a chair, placing the big golden star that Fin just handed him on top of the six-foot -or so- Christmas tree that now stands in a corner of the office.
"Bit late, aren't we?" Says Olivia as a way of greeting removing her coat and draping it over her chair.
"Never too late to get in the Christmas spirit, Olivia," Munch replies, getting down to the floor.
"I thought you didn't celebrate Christmas, John." She moves toward the tree, enjoying the way the multi-colored lights play around the room.
"He doesn't, I told him to get off his bony ass and help me out since we got stuck with this detail." Fin informs them.
"I don't think your insurance covers 'High-rise Christmas decorating.'" Elliot pipes in, amused. "That is one tall tree."
"Haha. Laugh now my friend, we'll see who gets to take it out." Munch says, grabbing his coat and heading for the door. "My good deed for this season is done, I'm out of here, see you all again in twelve very short hours." He finishes, checking his watch.
"If he's out, I'm out," Fin states, following his partner's footsteps.
Olivia smiles as she listens to their banter, her gaze still fixated on the tree. She feels Elliot moving close to her, hovering behind her; she doesn't realize how near he is until she feels his breath ruffling her hair.
"One-P-P is truly outdoing themselves this year, aren't they?"
"Yeah, I don't think we ever got a tree in the office before." There's a strange sense of calm, and child-like wonder in her voice. The Holidays have never been anything like in the movies for her, but she still feels it all around her.
"We used to. I remember once or twice, before your time."
She doesn't reply.
"Beautiful isn't it?" It is not the tree he's referring to, he's not looking at it as he speaks. Elliot has moved and is seating on one of the desks, her perfect profile is the center of his view, and the same lights she's looking up to, are reflecting in her eyes making them twinkle and shine with a latitude of colors.
"What are our plans for Friday?" He prompts her to talk so he won't feel like he's having a one-sided conversation, finally asking her what he had been meaning to ask for weeks. It works, it makes her stop her perusal of the tree.
"It is Christmas Eve on Friday." She states, matter-of-factly, turning around and facing him. Confusion written all over her face.
"I know." He replies calmly.
"We aren't spending Christmas Eve together, El."
"We are not?" Elliot asks, playing dumb and walking over to her. "It's Christmas and it's the weekend, we always spend weekends together."
"Elliot, I am not letting you be away from your children on Christmas Eve, no matter our..." She stops, reconsidering her words. "You should be with them."
She's good like that. He sometimes loathes her unselfishness.
"I'm not leaving you alone, Liv. I'm not leaving the two of you alone." He says looking pointedly at her abdomen.
That gets her, her voice breaking when she speaks again. "I'll be fine, we'll be fine. I know what's like to be without one of your parents during Christmas, sometimes even without both of them. I can't let you do that."
"You aren't 'letting' me do anything. I want to spend it with you." He insists.
"Please, Elliot... Be with them. Do it for them. For me." She says, close to begging now. "Go share Christmas dinner with them, be there for morning presents. You have done it every year, they need that consistency, El." She becomes agitated, her voice cracking again, trying to make him see, make him understand there's more than them, even if it kills her inside.
The building is almost empty, they once again are the last ones to leave, Elliot takes the chance and moves even closer, his hands instinctively finding her hips. "Alright, alright." He sighs, resting his forehead on top of hers. "I'll spend Christmas Eve with them, and the next morning to open the presents, but I'll be back and we'll spend the rest of the day together. I will not take no for an answer."
She smiles softly, as much as the latest changes between them scare her, she can't deny to herself that she would, too, love to spend the holidays with him. Olivia's hands grip the lapels of his coat as his hands surround her back, her body coming in full contact with his.
"We shouldn't be doing this here. What if there's someone still around?" She whispers.
"I don't care. I want you in my arms right now." Their noses bump when he leans down and steals a quick, sweet kiss right in the middle of the squad room. "Let's get some take-out and go back to my place, what do you think?"
"It's Monday." She declares as if it's obvious.
"Are we going to still do that? Keep those weekend rules?" Elliot asks, irritably.
"I don't know, right now I just want to go home, El. I'm too damn tired." She says, ending their embrace.
"Then come home, with me. Let me take care of you." Without even meaning to, he had managed to turn their conversation into what he had wanted to talk about all day.
"My home, Elliot. I want to go to my apartment. I need a minute for myself."
"I wish you wouldn't keep doing this, putting this distance between us. Things have changed, Olivia."
"Yeah, but I'm not sure that I have." She confesses, gathering her discarded coat and moving towards the exit.
For the second time that day, Olivia runs and Elliot lets her.
The next two days are torturous. They hardly speak of anything but work, and the tension is so thick one could have cut it with a knife. Olivia tries to hide her morning sickness from the rest of the squad, though she can't fool Elliot who fumes all day for not being able to help her without outing her, or them. Instead, he keeps leaving bottles of ginger ale and different types of crackers on her desk; she would've kissed him if he wasn't so infuriating. Or Fin, who has a pretty good idea of what is going on, but as always, remains quiet and keeps his thoughts to himself. No, they're hardly fooling anyone.
Each night they spend apart, his bed is empty without her, and even if he is used to being apart on weekdays, this self-imposed distance Olivia keeps up between them feels rather lonelier and colder than ever. Olivia doesn't fare any better, tossing and turning at night; feeling sick and weak in the mornings, and missing him. Missing and needing him more than ever but too damn stubborn and scared to tell him. Scared of needing him so much, of losing herself in him when she still didn't feel he was quite hers, when there are still many things between them.
On Thursday, her ultrasound appointment is scheduled for after 6 p.m., so neither of them has to make any excuses at work to attend. They leave in tandem, not caring for once if anyone noticed. They're always in sync even in the most arduous of times. It is not until they get inside his car that he takes a big breath and breaks the silence.
"I need us to figure out whatever is going on before your appointment. I don't want to go in there angry."
"Oh, we are angry now..." She provokes him.
"Dammit, Olivia. You know what I me-"
"What did you think was gonna happen?" She interrupts, turning in the passenger seat and facing him. "That we were gonna move together right away? That we would cuddle on the sofa and have lazy Sundays afternoons and pick baby names? What about work? What about your family, your kids, Elliot? I'm not ready to stop being your partner, we haven't even talked about that yet."
She doesn't know with whom she's angrier. Him and his constant prodding and reassurances amid her internal chaos, or her and her never-ending fears.
"Not if you keep running we won't!" Seeing the dismay on her face at his outburst, he takes another deep breath trying to calm himself. "Why is it too hard for you to believe that that is exactly what I want? That I hoped that you'd want, too?" He's not reacting at all like what she expected. She expected more shouting and some hurtful words, as they had done many times before when they disagreed. It infuriates her that he seems so centered almost collected; it makes her expectations, her hopes, grow. It usually doesn't end well for her when she allows that.
"Why aren't you surprised or nervous about this, Elliot? Less than six months ago we were nothing but partners. We kept the lines well defined, then all got blurry and messy and I don't even know where we stand anymore." She declares, becoming agitated.
"Six months ago I knew where I stood, it's the same place where I am right now. Where I have been for the last nine years." She can sense what he's about to say before he says it, but he surely won't... "I love you, Olivia." He declares, interrupting her thoughts.
There it is, he said it. It just slips out, though the moment it does he doesn't even regret it. It had a long time coming. "I'm not ready either, but I will do what I have to to be with you. I love you. So much." He repeats, letting it sink in. "If only you'd let me show you how much, give me a chance here, Liv."
She's stunned, she had dared to hope, if only for a moment; but she can't say it back, even though deep down she knows she feels exactly the same, if not more.
"I'm afraid." She confesses after a moment, and it takes a lot of her to do so. It is not the answer he longed for but she allows him to know her inner fears, and when it comes to her, it is a huge step ahead. Even the car feels too small for such a monumental conversation. "I feel like I'm in the middle of it all. Like I'm taking you away from your family. Like I'm grasping at straws."
"You aren't. You could never. It is just my children now, and you. Always you. You are my family and I know you, Olivia. I know you are afraid. I am too." His arms reach for her, and she goes willingly, holding onto him, her fingers clutching the wool on his coat in her hands. "We can do this, we'll do it together." He murmurs inside the quiet car. "We will talk, we will figure it all out. One step at a time, alright?"
"One step at a time." She agrees, burrowing her face in his neck.
"Let's go see our baby." Elliot ends the embrace and holds her face between his hands, his lips brushing over hers as Olivia smiles through her tears. He's her wall, her rock, just as much as she is his.
They are in a different clinic, where her doctor has her main practice, and Olivia wonders if all clinics are too cheap to turn up the heating system. The room is cold, the bed she's in is even colder, and her heart-to-heart with Elliot in his car left her feeling drained and freezing.
Elliot helped her into the tall bed after she changed into a hospital gown, and is now standing beside her with a tender look on his face. He's oddly calm and she remembers he has done this three times already, four now.
Doctor Martinez is as cheerful as ever when she enters the room and introduces herself to Elliot, but it is Olivia who introduces him as "the dad". A gesture Elliot doesn't miss, neither does her doctor who winks at her. She too knows how badly Olivia wants this baby and is glad her patient isn't alone this time.
Looking over her chart, she makes notes over the test results from the blood work she got done on her prior visit. They had mailed her the results from the lab and Olivia had printed them and handed them over to the nurse before entering the room. She had been weighed and measured while Elliot sat close helplessly as he waited as she was examined.
"You have lost some weight in a short time, Olivia. We don't want that." Her doctor admonishes her.
"I have been very sick these lately. Can hardly keep anything down."
"That's to be expected, though I can prescribe you some Vitamin B6 supplements. They work wonders during the first trimester." She offers. "Ginger tea too, if you want something more natural."
Olivia nods, suddenly nervous again.
"Things look good so far, we aren't classifying this pregnancy as high risk, Olivia, even though we could, based on your age. I don't want to scare you. We will be keeping an extra eye on you for now. Nothing to be nervous about, just a precaution."
"So you're saying I'm too old to be a mom." Elliot squeezes her shoulder affectionally when he hears the pain in her voice.
"Not at all. You're fit and healthy, but as with everything, it doesn't come without its risks." The physician decides to stop talking, seeing the anxious look on her patient's face. "We talked about this before, remember? Don't worry, you'll be fine."
The doctor lifts the hospital gown Olivia wears and exposes her belly to start the procedure, using the sheet to cover the lower half of her body.
There's a small unmanly gasp when her skin is revealed. "Where did that come from?" Elliot asks, surprised and staring confusingly at her suddenly very protruded little baby bump.
"I don't know. I woke up a couple of days ago and it was just there." Olivia smiles. He aches inside because he missed it, wishes he had been there the first time she noticed. Now all he longs for is to run his hand over it, but it isn't the time or place, and her doctor beats him to it by spraying the jelly over her skin; he holds Olivia's hand instead.
"Kid had a growth spurt." Comments Doctor Martinez as she dims the lights. "Completely normal." She adds when both look at her questioningly.
After entering some parameters in the machine, she takes a hold of the ultrasound wand and begins to glide it across Olivia's belly. She stops at a certain angle and in the next instant, a rapidly thumping sound fills the darkroom.
"Is that-?" Olivia asks, her voice cracking.
"That's your baby's heartbeat, yes." Her doctor answers.
Tears fall freely down Olivia's face while Elliot grasps her hand tighter; at the feel of his strong grip and comfort, she turns her head and grins up at him. They are so fixated on each other and the sound of their baby's heartbeat surrounding them, that they almost miss the Doctor's comments.
"Sounds good and strong, you should be proud of this little one. Now let's take a look. Are you ready to meet your baby, dad?" She says heartily.
Elliot turns to her and is left speechless as the image comes into view on the monitor. It is something he has seen many times before during the 3 pregnancies he experienced with Kathy, but this time, as corny as he feels it might sound, this time is different. That little bean, as the doctor had called it, is their baby. Olivia and his; and it is the first time he has longed for one, both actively and unconsciously he had longed for it, hoping to give them this baby each time they had been together. Elliot loves his children, they had all been welcomed surprises, but this one is a gift.
Even though it is tiny, their child's features are already somewhat visible. They watch intently as the doctor points out the baby's head and they can distinguish its tiny arms and feet. Olivia is smiling through her tears and Elliot leans over her, his left arm surrounding her shoulders while his right hand continues to hold hers. He kisses her temple and whispers close to her ear; how happy he is, how proud he is. They're both unable to remove their eyes from the screen.
"He looks great. I'm very pleased with his growth so far, though it seems like he might be a big baby." Doctor Martinez chuckles.
"He?" Olivia and Elliot ask in unison. "Is it a boy? Can you tell already?!" Olivia finishes.
"Oh, sorry. No, we can't. It's a bad habit I have; I don't like calling them 'it'. Sorry about that." Doctor Martinez laughs again.
"I'll be happy either way. I just want a healthy baby," Olivia declares, and Elliot nods in agreement.
The tests finishes and the doctor prints another set of sonograms for them, just like the first time. Doctor Martinez bids them goodbye with instructions for another check-up in 4 weeks, and they are left alone in the room. Olivia starts to clean up the jelly from her stomach but Elliot takes over for her, taking the opportunity to touch her baby bump.
"Look at that, look how big you got already. So beautiful." He says in wonder, his right-hand stroking her skin over and over.
"Just wait until I get ten times as big, see if you think the same." She laughs, self-deprecatingly.
"I will." He looks at her now, a serious expression on his face. "I can't wait to see you as the pregnancy progresses. You are already glowing."
"I'm sure the dark circles under my eyes are lovely." Olivia snorts.
"Stop that. You are beautiful to me. I will never get tired of saying it." He says lowering his voice and taking the opportunity to kiss her again, he missed kissing her too.
"Even when I'll get all mad and swollen?"
Elliot laughs. "Yes, Liv, especially then."
They leave the clinic walking half a block to his car, holding hands. He opens the door for her, but she just drops the folder holding her tests and sonograms on the passenger seat and announces she's hungry for once. Not wanting to waste the opportunity to get some food in her, they look around and spot a small diner across the street. They grab a quick meal and Elliot enjoys watching her eat after morning sickness was playing havoc on her.
"Want a lift home? It is freezing today." He asks as they cross the street holding hands again. Elliot still feels the way she holds his, her slight trepidation but he propels them forward anyway.
"I was hoping we could go back to your place maybe?" She asks timidly, so unlike Olivia.
"Absolutely." He replies grinning and finally exhaling the breath he was unconsciously holding.
They arrive at his apartment half an hour later, having cruised carefully the streets which were thick with traffic the day before Christmas. Olivia leans on him while they ride the elevator and he wraps his arm around her waist, noticing how she seems more mellow and relaxed than a few hours before. If telling her he loves her will be all it takes for her to stop feeling anxious and worrying, he will say it to her every hour of every day for the rest of his life.
"Do you want something to drink? Maybe tea? Or if you want we can order some food. Was that sandwich you had, enough?" He says, shedding his winter layers of clothes he has been carrying and walking to the kitchen towards her.
"No. I don't want food." She replies, turning to face him. "I want you, El. I want you to show me..."
He stays rooted where he stands and allows her to go to him. He has told her how he feels, it's up to her now. Her arms wind themselves around his neck and bring his head down to her level. Her lips find his cheek, kissing him tenderly, his stubble scraping her delicate skin already sensitive from the cold.
'Show me you love me.' She doesn't say it out loud, there's no need. They have been communicating without words for years.
Reverently and patiently, he removes her clothes, one by one; uncovering her skin as it were the first time. It's been only a few days but he missed her, missed the feel of her warm naked body pressed up to his, the feel of her arms gripping him and her nails scraping his back as he drives into her over and over. Elliot falls to his knees to peel off the last of her clothing, her underwear; but instead, his hands are drawn to her small baby bump.
"I love you just as much, little one." He whispers against her skin. Olivia wipes the tears that have suddenly gathered in her eyes, her hormones making her more emotional than ever. Sensing her movement, and the change in mood, he focuses back on her; finally removing her panties and trailing his mouth back ul her body.
Olivia shivers under his hungry gaze and Elliot wastes no more time by quickly removing his clothes and guiding them both to the bed. His body drapes itself like a warm blanket on top of her, the only covering she needs.
His thick fingers test her readiness for him as his mouth worships her breasts, and soon she's crying out with the pleasure he's giving her. A few brushes of his thumb of her clit bring a new wave of arousal that coats the two fingers that are moving slowly inside her.
"El... please." She's ready, more than ready. There's no need for her to say the words, he understands what she needs. He would gladly stay all night adoring her body, but tonight's different. A reaffirmation, a reconciliation.
The pressure, when he enters her, is mildly painful and delicious. "You're so tight, Liv. Jesus, I'm not hurting you, am I?" He stops, only halfway in, concern on his face.
"No, you feel incredible. Please, El. I need all of you." Olivia moans, moving her hips and allowing him to penetrate her more fully.
He pushes forward once more and groans at the sensation of being fully enveloped in her. Her pussy gripping him tightly he fears he won't last long. Elliot doesn't know if it's the intensity of it all, but it had never felt like this. His lips find her once more in a searing kiss and he bits her plump lower lip when her inner walls squeeze tighter around his cock.
"You need to stop that if you don't want me to embarrass myself." Elliot grunts as she smiles devilishly at him.
"Move, El. Please." She keeps begging him, driving him slowly insane. "Make... Make love to me."
Though he begins moving slowly, he quickly loses himself in the feel of her, in the way she asks him, begs him to love her. His arms snake their way underneath her, holding her to him as he finds purchase and begins fucking her deeper and harder. His body loses the battle with his mind, which tries to remind him to be gentle.
"You feel amazing. I missed this. I missed being so deep inside you." He grunts between thrusts.
"Yes. God, yes., me too. Don't stop, El." The little whines and moans she lets out on his ear urge him on. "I'm so close."
"Come, baby, come on!" Elliot removes his arms from underneath her and grips her hands with his, placing them on the pillow, over her head; their fingers interlacing and holding on for dear life.
Throwing caution to the wind he fucks her even faster and just when he feels he might beat her to it, it's his lips whispering in her ear how much he loves her like this, that makes her go over the edge. The look on her face is another thing he missed, the absolute pleasure and delight her face shows when he makes her come, how fucking loud she gets. It's too much for him and he comes right after, deep within her.
The alarm on his bedside table blasts early on the morning of Christmas Eve. Elliot attempts to throw his arm back and shut it off and only manages to do so on his fourth try. They are cocooned under his covers, with Elliot spooning her from behind, neither wanting to move.
"What time is it?" She mumbles. He had hoped she could get some more sleep, she had mentioned how badly she had been sleeping with her morning sickness striking her at all hours. Elliot is the only one on-call, him and Munch. He is only supposed to be on until early afternoon and then he will spend Christmas Eve with his four children. It stills pains him to leave Olivia alone, it just isn't right.
"Too early, go back to sleep," Elliot says quietly, kissing her cheek. "How are you feeling?"
"Fine. I think it's the first time in I-don't-know-how-many-days that I don't feel like my stomach is going to turn over." Olivia sighs, feeling rested and content.
"I'm glad to hear that. I'm gonna shower and then head to the station; you sleep in, I'll wake you before I leave." Though he intends to shower, get dressed, and go, his mouth has other intentions, following an invisible thread up to her ear and playing with her earlobe before continuing its journey to her neck.
"Mmmm... weren't you gonna shower?" Olivia hums despite herself.
"I am. I'm just having a hard time leaving this bed. You're too damn addictive."
"I'd join you but I don't have to work today." She says smugly. Elliot groans and finally leaves her embrace. "Nice ass." She calls out as he heads towards the bathroom, not the least shy about his nakedness.
"You're an evil, evil woman. Next time, I'm draping you over my shoulder and taking you with me."
"Promises, promises." She taunts him.
She's asleep again when he finishes in the bathroom, she must have truly needed to rest. Elliot dresses silently and approaches the bed again, hating to wake her but knowing she would want to know when he leaves. He takes a second to stare at her, she'd probably hate it if she knew but he takes a moment to drink her in; his partner -or is it girlfriend? He doesn't know, they don't have labels yet- Olivia, just Olivia, sleeping warm, safe, and pregnant on his bed; their child steadily growing strong inside her.
The resilience and unselfishness of women, going through pain, sweat, and tears to bring life into this world, will always have his absolute admiration. But to watch Olivia go through it, he's in absolute awe already and he can't wait for the rest of their journey.
"Liv, wake up." He runs his fingers through her hair, waking her slowly. She stirs and opens her big brown eyes. He loves her eyes, the intensity and honesty they always carry.
"Are you leaving already?" She asks sleepily, sitting up in the bed.
"I still have almost an hour. I was thinking of going in early so I can leave early." Elliot takes her left hand in his, remembering the same connection they shared the night before as he moved inside her. "Do you want me to give you a lift home? Or you can stay here as long as you want."
"Drive me home, maybe we can get some breakfast along the way?" She asks tentatively.
"I would love that." His grin is contagious and she finds herself grinning back at him unabashedly
There's a slight sheet of snow covering the streets, and not wanting to be outside for long they choose a small cafe around the corner from his place. It's cozy inside, Olivia surprises him by choosing a small sofa facing the window and snuggling beside him on it, holding a cup of hot tea in her chilled hands. They sit quietly watching the people passing by, it's a comfortable silence, both feeling they could stay like that for hours. He takes her home when they are done, insisting on walking her up lest she slips and falls on the thin slippery snow.
They can help but kiss when they reach her apartment, her mouth parting his lips as her hot little tongue slips inside his mouth. He evaluates the wiseness of his choice of escorting her up, realizing it is harder to say goodbye with the feel of her luscious body against his, even with the many layers of clothes between them.
It's Christmas Eve so it feels like bittersweet goodbye for them, both know they won't see each other for the rest of the day, not until later the day after at least. It is Olivia now who wishes she was a bit more selfish, she's gonna miss him like crazy. Something in her has cracked, she can't promise she won't be apprehensive or even afraid, but so far he has been present every step of the way. Before and after. He's all she wants, Elliot. Elliot and their baby; that is all, for now.
Maybe they could have worked something out with his kids, but it's too late. He's already organized to go be with them after work and stay the night in their guest room, so he can be there early on Christmas morning to open the presents with the four of them and take them out for breakfast. After Elliot's confession, she feels more comfortable but she won't lie and say she isn't a little jealous of Kathy, and the fact he will stay there overnight.
TBC
I hope you enjoyed this new update! I have the next one almost done already and will be posted around New Year's.
I want to thank Jen for being my beta for this and the next chapter.
Please, comment and/or review if you can. Thanks for reading!