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A/N: Response to reviews at bottom of page.
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Beta by Kristine Thorne
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Chapter Summary: Hermione, Ron, Harry and Sev have to restock the hospital wing's potion supplies, Harry becomes worried about Sev when he seems to be rather distracted from his duties despite Hermione's disapproving stare.
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Warning: angst.
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Chapter Fifteen – Potions and Psychic Healing
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Harry and Severus took Ron to the hall for breakfast the next morning; they had kept him till then because Hermione had refused to have him back. She still wasn't very happy, so Ron had drifted to the middle of the table where the two headmasters sat after only a few minutes.
"She's still got the hump," Ron told the two Kin, "What did I say to her?"
"Enough to get you a sofa in the dungeon," Harry replied, he didn't really want to repeat Ron's words.
"You will have to make it up to her," Severus announced, "I intend that Hermione will be helping me with the restocking of the hospital wing, as Potions teacher it will be part of her duties, it won't work out very well if I am associating with today's enemy."
Ron twisted his face at the prospect of making up with Hermione but he needed somewhere to hide in the future.
"We're the headmasters," Harry pointed out to Severus, "Why don't you just tell her she'll have to help you or you'll sack her, she's never been your greatest fan anyway."
"I was trying to be nice," Severus answered quietly.
Ron had snorted his response to Severus' words before he had a chance to think better of it.
Harry was not amused, "If you're going to be nasty to Hermione and sit at this part of the table, you will have to be nice to us instead," Harry warned.
"Sorry," Ron muttered and Harry wondered if he really meant it or if it was just a matter of the lesser of the two evils.
Severus picked at this food and didn't really eat much, Harry noticed, he hadn't been like that since the day of the open day and as far as Harry knew there was nothing for him to be feeling nervous about. He looked tired too even though they had both had a good quantity of sleep, forgoing their usual activities considering that Ron was in the next room. Harry decided to ask him about it as soon as they were alone again.
The set up in the Potions classroom that morning reminded Harry very much of a cookery programme they had watched on Will's TV sometimes. As soon as breakfast was over they had headed down to the dungeon to begin their days work. The potion making session was going to take a couple of days at least without messing around, if they didn't get busy it would drag on all week and Harry could remember well enough that double potions had once seemed like the ultimate torture, now it was going to seem like a brief taster.
Hermione and Ron had a large cauldron and a prepared pile of ingredients set up on one side of the room and Harry and Severus had a similar set up on the other side. Harry looked to Severus and knew that this was so much removed from double potions lessons that it was a different experience entirely, for a start he wouldn't mind the potions master looking over his shoulder one little bit.
"Can't brew, won't brew," Harry commented quietly to his Kin, thinking he might get the joke about the TV show.
Severus maintained his composure of course and pulled a high stool over to stand in front of his cauldron. Harry caught his Kin watching Hermione as she stood by her cauldron and got to work; Severus then pushed the chair out of the way again and stood too.
Harry began to cut the ingredients under Severus' direction and kept an eye on his Kin as he worked. He still looked rather tired, Harry thought, a cup of coffee and a brisk walk to the dungeon had done nothing to liven him up, it wasn't like Severus at all.
Severus started to add the ingredients one by one into the cauldron; this was to be a large patch of pain potion. He was working from a potion book for the first time in years and he noticed that Hermione was showing off by not bothering. Severus almost wished that he hadn't enlisted Hermione's help, then he wouldn't have her trying, and unfortunately succeeding, to best him in everything and he wouldn't have Ron staring over at him with nothing better to do while he was cutting Hermione's ingredients. Severus noticed that Harry kept looking at him as he cut the ingredients for their cauldron but he didn't mind that one little bit.
The morning seemed to take forever to drift towards lunchtime, Severus brewed and Harry cut and then they both did the bottling. Then they started again on a batch of something else. Harry wondered if Severus had spent an awful lot of his so called spare time doing this, he had to assume that he probably had.
Harry noticed that Severus was watching what he was doing as he stirred his cauldron.
"Everything all right?" Harry asked.
"I think that needs to be cut a little finer," Severus replied quietly so that Ron and Hermione couldn't hear. It hadn't been a reply to what Harry was referring to, he was more concerned with Severus' welfare but it successfully highlighted how, for Harry, potion making had made the transition from nerve wracking nightmare to just plain boring. Severus' voice had been like honey to his ears and Harry obliged his Kin by cutting the root he was working on until it was almost a powder.
Harry was thoroughly bored but he wasn't about to mention the fact, it was an essential job and so much more economical than buying in ready-made potions. Severus asked for an ingredient that Harry hadn't cut up yet, puzzled, Harry checked with the recipe and found that he had prepared the right thing after all. Harry handed Severus the correct ingredient, which hadn't been what he had asked for, and waited for him to say something. Severus tipped all of what Harry had given him straight into the cauldron with barely a glance at it.
"Sev?" Harry began, "Are you all right?"
"Yes," Severus replied as he carried on stirring.
"Sure?"
"Yes,"
"I've just given you something different to what you asked for," Harry tried to explain.
"Oh Harry!" Severus said as if it was the end of the world.
Harry noticed how weary he looked, "I gave you the right thing, you asked for the wrong thing," Harry added kindly.
"Oh," Severus responded, staring into the cauldron, "It IS the right colour."
"I know, this is why I was asking you if you're all right." Harry persisted.
"I'm fine, I just haven't done this in a while," Severus replied.
Harry saw Severus look up at Hermione who was still stood at her cauldron and was smiling smugly back at them, obviously having heard at least some of their current exchange.
"Why don't we swap for a while, you can give me step by step instructions in any tone of voice you want," Harry suggested.
"I am sure SHE would love that," Severus sneered in Hermione's direction.
"This isn't about her, this isn't a competition," Harry added getting up from his stool, he assumed that if Severus wasn't immediately saying no to the suggestion then he would be consenting to it very soon.
"Isn't it?" Severus responded not taking his eyes off Hermione who was stirring brightly as if she had only just taken up the task five minutes previously.
Harry stepped round the back of Severus and took hold of his arms, steering him in the direction of the stool. Severus allowed himself to be repositioned and sat down.
Harry leant down to whisper in Severus' ear, "You win anyway because later I am going to lie you down on our four poster bed and pull all your clothes off, then I am going to kiss every inch of your body."
Harry took up Severus' position and Severus chose a rather exasperated and haughty schoolteacher voice with which to give his commands. Harry might have thought the old Snape had returned but he knew that Severus was only doing it because he had been promised that he would be kissed all over his body.
The next day they made much better progress, Harry couldn't decide if this was better or not, Severus seemed to be more like his normal self, which also meant that he was more focussed and wanted to take fewer breaks. Harry knew that it was sunny outside, they had come back to Hogwarts in the middle of April when they air was quite fresh but it was now mid May and the weather was leaning towards summer.
Harry didn't really want to go on a long broom flight or anything too adventurous, but he would have liked to go for some sort of flight or even just a walk around the grounds for a while. Harry looked to Severus as he himself continued to prepare endless piles of ingredients in little earthenware bowls; Severus was intent on his work, having only looked at the recipe once before they began, he was now working from memory. Harry looked across the classroom and found Hermione just as absorbed in her work as Severus and Ron looking just as bored as he was, to catch Ron's eye and communicate this fact to him, however, seemed like betrayal.
That evening they ate in the hall and after the meal Severus led Harry off in the direction of the dungeon. The sky had been full of stars, Harry had noticed from their time in the hall, a beautiful night.
"I want to go out," Harry suddenly found himself saying as Severus joined him on their sofa in front of the fire.
"Out where?" Severus asked looking tired after their hard days work.
"Nowhere really," Harry replied knowing that he didn't want to go by himself but he didn't want to persuade Severus into doing something he didn't want to do either, "Just need some fresh air, just for a while."
Severus stood up and held a hand out to Harry, "Better go now before I get comfortable."
Harry took Severus' hand and they walked through the almost deserted corridors of the castle till eventually they passed through the main door and into the grounds. Without deciding on a route they made off across the expanse of grass till the castle was as far away as it could be without having to pass through the wards.
Harry looked up at the sky and savoured the sight of all the stars on what was still a very clear night. He had grown used to being able to see them when they had lived away from the world and the lights of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade did not hinder their brightness now. Harry heard a sword being drawn beside him but recognised the sound well enough not to be alarmed.
Harry drew his sword too and watched the crimson serpents wind round his wrist before he turned to Severus and found him standing with his sword too as he had expected.
"I think I know what you really need," Severus said bringing his sword up into a position in front of his face, it would have been a clear challenge to fight if Harry had been an enemy, to Severus' Kin it was an invitation to play.
Harry smiled, until Severus had offered he hadn't even thought that this was what he wanted, but it was. They were far enough away from anybody else; nobody could get accidentally in their way, Harry couldn't feel the urge to kill, so if anybody wanted to harm Severus they must be tucked up in their bed asleep or out of range.
Harry raised his sword up too, accepting the challenge, the last time he had raised his sword in challenge had been to the Dark Lord, he hardly counted the few small outbursts of the past few weeks, they hadn't led to the fighting he enjoyed.
Harry watched Severus warily, waiting for him to make the first move, not wanting to miss responding to it with skill even if it had been a while. Harry didn't have to wait long, Severus lunged towards him and Harry blocked the blow easily, he grinned at his Kin, it looked like he hadn't lost his touch after all. Harry responded by attacking Severus and managed to strike him but did not slow him down. Severus was annoyed to be caught out so soon and put all his effort into it as he attacked Harry again.
Harry could only smile at Severus' determination but didn't let it affect his attention. To an unsuspecting onlooker they might have appeared to be fighting for real at an impossibly fast pace and one or the other might have looked as if they were about to die but for the fact that every successful hit merely bounced away instead of slicing through as it should have done.
The next morning Severus seemed to have taken a downturn again, they had stayed up quite late but Harry hadn't thought that they had been late enough to cause Severus to look as if he had had no sleep at all. He picked his way through his breakfast again and Harry ended up feeling guilty for dragging Severus out into the grounds the previous night. He had seemed all right while they were fighting but the swords would have made sure of that as they had done when Harry himself had been exhausted the previous winter.
After breakfast they had to make their way back down to the potions classroom to make yet more batches of phials needed for the hospital wing, the stocks had been worn down into a pitiful state it would seem. Severus plodded on with his work but Harry could tell that he was loving it even less than he himself did. Harry had pushed a stool towards his Kin before they had begun and Severus sat down without protest, not even caring anymore about the competition that Hermione seemed insistent about creating.
Harry kept a check on the ingredients and made sure that what Severus asked for tallied with what the recipe called for next, he even started to watch how long Severus stirred and in which direction. As the potion was nearly finished Severus sprinkled in the last ingredient, the potion bubbled and spewed smoke before changing colour and Severus, who was meant to stir for a further ten minutes, wrinkled his nose in distaste at the rather pungent smell and ran into the office closing the door with a slam.
Hermione of course couldn't decide whether to look amused at this or disgusted at the negligence of it, Harry had to admit he was rather surprised, not to mention worried for his Kin. The potion was almost finished however, so he kept stirring it in Severus' place till it could be left to cool.
Harry joined Severus in the office as soon as he could and found him sitting on the floor propped up against the desk. Beside him stood a cauldron. Severus' skin was moist, Harry noticed as he sat on the floor too, and he looked very pale too. Harry might have supposed that Severus had been using the cauldron to vomit into but if he had, the evidence had already been magicked away.
"Sev," Harry pleaded, "Tell me what is wrong."
Severus gave his familiar faint smile, "Strong smell, not used to it anymore."
Harry had to admit that he too had once or twice turned away from a cauldron because of the smell, "That's all?"
"I think so," Severus replied.
Harry sighed and accepted his Kin's words but couldn't help feeling that there was more to it, a smelly potion didn't explain the fatigue and everything else that hadn't been quite right over the past few days.
Harry watched Severus sleeping, they had gone to bed and Severus had allowed Harry to snuggle up to his back but he had been unresponsive to all minor hints towards sex and Harry had been unwilling to push him if he didn't want to. Harry was perhaps too worried about his Kin to want sex anyway. He imagined he was probably overreacting but he had only once before seen Severus in a state of illness, it just wasn't something you ever saw happening to a wizard. They did indeed get ill but it was usually so quickly healed that nobody other than the person who had provided the healing ever knew about it.
Injuries were well noted at Hogwarts of course, although also quickly healed, the causing of them was usually a much more public event. Harry suddenly wondered if wizards could get things like cancer, then immediately wished that his brain would just stop functioning for a while because he didn't know the answer.
All that Harry could think was that Severus had certainly managed to pick up an infection well enough when the circumstances had presented themselves, out in the wilderness of Scotland the previous year, and that he too had been subject to the normal muggle illnesses before he was eleven, he might not have been aware that he was a wizard at that time but he had always been one. Without the healing of a fellow wizard or the help of a potion, broken bones had taken just as long to heal as they would have done had it been Dudley on receiving end of his uncle's wrath instead of himself.
So Severus was maybe fine, maybe it was just a little bit of random sickness and if Poppy or Minerva had been with them, Harry might never have had time to notice before it was magicked away. Harry certainly wished that he had paid more attention during Psychic Healing classes, a class that was only taught at NEWT level if you did well enough in the Potions OWL, but the classes had been taken with Snape of course, so he hadn't paid any attention at all.
Harry lay for what seemed a lifetime, trying to get to sleep. He wondered if any inept attempts at sensing or healing could harm because he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep till he had sought some kind of resolution. If it was just a random bought of sickness, Severus might have attempted to teach Harry to sense it, maybe he didn't because he was too scared to know what it was, Harry thought, maybe Severus was in denial. If it was just a little bit more serious maybe Severus might have called Minerva back for a day, but he hadn't.
With a heavy heart Harry supposed that it must be even worse than that. Severus hid things so well, maybe he was hiding a lot, sickness, pain, he could be hiding anything. Severus was so tired, maybe he was hiding so much that to hide the tiredness too would be too much. Harry had never heard of a wizard having cancer but during his eleven years with the Dursley's he had never heard of a muggle close to them having it either. Just because you haven't known anybody who has had it, Harry reasoned, doesn't mean it can't raise its ugly head at some point in your life.
Maybe he was overreacting, the thought briefly entered Harry's mind as a few tears coursed down his cheeks. Somehow the thought just made Harry feel more upset and he knew that, inept at healing though he most undoubtedly was, he had to try to help his Kin.
Once the decision was made it was easy to try, Harry already had his arm wrapped round his Kin and Severus was deeply asleep. All Harry had to do was try and remember his lessons from a year ago and concentrate, moving his hand over Severus' body. The worst part was making sense of what he saw, which for quite a while was nothing. Finding nothing was easy enough but as Harry progressed he found that suddenly he was sensing a something.
At the first attempt the something that Harry had found seemed to be quite round and firm, it wasn't a recognisable body part and its metabolism was greatly increased. It was encapsulated and was increasing in size at an alarming rate, it was aggressive and was sucking energy and nutrition from Severus' blood making him weak and stopping him from being able to function normally, everything you might expect of a tumour in fact.
Trying to stay calm Harry broke contact with Severus and took a few deep breaths. He had to realise that he wasn't very skilled and could have got it all wrong; Harry tried to reason with himself as the panic engulfed him. When Harry could not stand not checking any longer, he had another attempt but the result was the same. No matter how hard he willed it not to be true, there it still was.
Harry was discovering that a little knowledge was a bad thing. Now he thought he knew what was wrong he found that it did nothing to help him or Severus. He couldn't admit to Severus that he had sensed in him without his consent and there was no way that he could continue as if he hadn't done it at all. He had to find somebody to check his findings but apart from Severus himself, there was only one other person who would know anything at all about healing and Harry really didn't want to go to her.
Yet he had no choice, Harry thought as he waited for morning, he had no choice but to draw what he had seen and present it to Meg as soon as he could.
Harry pretended to be asleep when Severus woke and headed for the bathroom. He could hear nothing but Harry could tell from the complete silence that Severus had put up a silence charm to hide the fact that he was vomiting. Harry buried his head in the pillow trying not to cry till Severus eventually emerged from the bathroom. When Severus began to get dressed Harry pretended to wake up and headed for the bathroom to get washed.
After his shower Harry found that he had willed himself into a strange sense of calm and courage, he couldn't arouse Severus' suspicion and he needed to be able to leave him somewhere so that he could visit Meg. After he had seen Meg, Harry thought, he would then have to approach Severus with whatever truth had been found.
During breakfast Harry approached Ron, it was the easiest way he could think of to get Hermione to think she needed to take Severus away from him for a while. Harry left the details to Ron but Hermione didn't take any persuading at all to take up an opportunity to split the two Kin up for a while, declaring that Severus had been rather neglectful in his teacher training duties.
After Hermione had insisted for the third time that Harry did not need to sit in on the advanced potions tutoring session Harry offered to take some of the newly prepared potions down to the hospital wing.
Meg was still a bit nervous of Harry and Severus after their sudden arrival in April but she offered Harry some tea and a seat when Harry said that he needed to consult with her about something.
Once they had drunk a little tea and Harry had tried to be friendly and chatty in order to gain Meg's confidence, Meg was eager to find out why Harry the Headmaster would need her help.
"So what can I do for you that Headmaster Snape can't?" Meg began.
Harry took the parchment from his robes and handed it to her, "I need to know what this is."
Meg looked at the parchment for a few minutes and began to look wary, "Is this meant to be some kind of test of my ability?" She asked.
"No," Harry insisted in what he hoped was a friendly enough manner, "I just need to know, really."
"Headmaster Snape is the most skilled person in this castle as far as Psychic Healing is concerned, especially regarding matters of illness," Meg replied still suspicious.
"I promise you this isn't a test, could you please tell me what this is," Harry pleaded.
Meg shrugged, "I don't know," She replied, "If this really is a test after all, I have just failed, I admit that I came here as an urgent replacement and I am only really skilled in the treatment of injury, perhaps you should consider employing somebody else when the school opens."
"So this is disease?" Harry asked trying to maintain his calm.
"I presume so," Meg said without cheer, obviously expecting to be without a job sometime soon.
Harry decided that he had to go, "I assure you that this wasn't a test, your position is secure here, as you can imagine there will be plenty of injuries to treat in a school." he tried to convince Meg as he went.
Harry walked the corridors like his feet were made of lead, there was only one person he could turn to now and the only way to do it was to lie about who he had been sensing, if Severus knew before hand then it would impair his judgement. Harry didn't want to have to lie to his Kin but he had little choice. He hoped that Severus wouldn't be too angry with him before realising that Severus was going to be too upset to be angry.
Harry rejoined his Kin and stayed with him for the whole day, maybe if Severus hadn't still been feeling ill himself he might have noticed that Harry wasn't quite himself and would have asked him about it. As it was Severus disappeared from the table twice during lunch and three times during dinner. When he was there he was quiet and withdrawn, not that anybody other than Harry would notice that.
Eventually Harry and Severus made it back to the privacy of their quarters, it was early in the evening but it couldn't have come soon enough for Harry. He was perhaps more frightened of the approaching conversation than he had ever been of the Dark Lord, he knew that the end of Severus would mean that he would cease to be also, he had a taste of the torture of a Kin's death in his mouth. Harry could see the death of Severus and his own suicide in one fluid and inevitable scene unbroken by any other action.
"I was testing my psychic healing this morning," Harry began once they were both settled on the sofa, knowing that it was useless to delay, "I thought I might be more use around here."
"Oh," Severus responded looking fairly interested despite the fact that he was slumped on his side of the sofa looking exhausted and ill.
"I'm not very good at it though and I wondered if I could ask your opinion on something."
"Of course," Severus said kindly.
Harry was dreading finding out what it had been but he had to know, he handed Severus the parchment upon which he had sketched the shape of the lump he had found inside his Kin.
Severus looked at the drawing for barely a minute before he took a fresh piece of parchment and sketched something on it. Severus passed his sketch to Harry.
"Does this look like what you were seeing?" Severus asked after Harry had had a look.
"Yes," Harry admitted, the drawing was a much better representation of what Harry had sensed, he looked up at Severus trying to get any indication from his face about what it might mean.
"Then I think you had better tell this person immediately," Severus said gravely.
Harry could have sunk to his knees in despair but he struggled to remain standing. "What is it?" He asked trying to sound normal.
"It is a foetus, the girl you have been practising on is pregnant, you found this in her lower abdomen I imagine," Severus replied.
Harry could do nothing but stare at Severus in shock, "Yes, I did find it in that part of the body, are you sure?"
"Yes, most definitely, there is no question that this person is pregnant." Severus confirmed.
"Oh,"
"So I think you had better run off and tell the person whom this belongs to that they are expecting a child, they will probably need to know, whether they are delighted or not is another matter."
Harry handed the parchment back to Severus still feeling a bit numb, "I was worried about you," he stated.
"Worried about me?" Severus queried, looking puzzled.
"Yes, you seemed so tired and sickly and you wouldn't let me help."
"There wasn't anything to help."
"As you slept I was just lying with my arm wrapped around you wondering what I could do, unable to sleep, I sensed underneath my hand searching for a reason, that drawing is what I found."
"In me?" Severus asked now joining Harry in shock.
"This was why I asked you if you were sure." Harry explained.
"It can't be," Severus muttered shaking his head.
"Where did you read about the fact that you were only compatible with your brother?" Harry asked.
"I don't know," Severus admitted.
Harry sighed, he had suddenly realised something, "This was what Albus meant about you denying yourself, it isn't in any book is it, there is little enough documentation about the Kin Bond as it is without expecting the full ins and outs of the pregnancy aspect. We must be compatible with our Kin, regardless of whether it is a second Bonding or not, only you are too intent on believing the worst of everything that you just decided that it wouldn't happen."
"I suppose that must be the case," Severus replied as the information only just started to seep through the shock.
"We can get somebody else to have a look, confirm that I am right," Harry suggested.
"I don't want anybody else touching me," Severus said immediately rushing out the words.
"Well," Harry smiled, "We will just have to see whether you get an attack of the grumpies soon then won't we?"
"You're serious, you really think I'm pregnant?" Severus repeated, the disbelief still in his voice.
"I don't think anything, I just found what I found and I drew for you to identify, you determined what it was, and you trust that I'm telling you the truth about where I found it?"
Severus' expression changed to a shock of a different kind, "Of course I do!"
"I know, so that leaves us with a happy conclusion," Harry smiled, the relief draining through him, "Do you want me to sense again? It won't cause any hurt to keep looking?"
"No, it won't harm at all," Severus replied, "I can direct you and help you develop your technique."
Harry looked at his Kin curiously, he was going to achieve something he had dreamed about for years and yet he still maintained a stern air, no wonder other people misread him Harry thought, "You don't do excited do you?" He commented.
Severus kissed Harry on the forehead and snuggled up to him on the sofa, "I can scarcely believe I'm not going to wake up and find it was all a dream. My mind immediately starts thinking about all the ways it can go wrong."
Harry smiled, "Let me check that everything's fine then," He insisted, "Show me how."
Severus stood up and they headed for the bedroom, it was by far the most comfortable way to perform and learn the psychic healing technique though in the official school lessons they had made do with a sitting position due to other issues.
They both got ready for bed as usual, although it was early, Harry needed to able to get his hands laid on Severus' skin and by the time they were finished their lesson it would be as near to bedtime as made no difference. When Severus was wearing nothing but his nightshirt he lay down on the bed and propped himself up on several pillows, so that he could see what Harry was doing in order to direct him.
Harry placed his hand on Severus' lower abdomen.
"Is that the place you sensed this morning?" Severus asked.
"Yes," Harry replied hoping that it was the right place, after everything he didn't want to be wrong.
"Good, that is where one would expect to find an early pregnancy,"
Harry grinned, he couldn't stop himself but he kept his hand still.
Severus explained how to find out how far along the pregnancy was and Harry was delighted to get a result, "It must have been the night we messed up the potions classroom, oh Sev, that is bad, what will we tell our child?"
Severus looked both amused and slightly embarrassed, "I suppose that is one reason not to have sex in silly places," He replied, "Now we will try to see whether it is a boy or a girl, I don't want to know and you don't have to if you don't want to, I just think it might be good practise."
"I will do it, but I won't tell you," Harry answered as he prepared to follow Severus' instructions.
"Do you know?" Severus asked after he felt the sensing stop.
"Yes," Harry grinned but divulged no further information, "What next?"
"Health, I need you to check that everything is going as it should be."
"I sensed before that there was rapid growth and feeding from your blood."
"Sounds good, now explore that a bit further." Severus instructed.
An hour or so later Harry lay beside Severus wrapped in Severus' arms, he didn't know if they could ever be more happy. He was so happy he thought he would begin to cry again.
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TBC very soon.
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Chapter Sixteen Summary - Trapped - With mixed feelings about his most recent news, Harry walks into a trap.
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A/N: Response to reviews at bottom of page.
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Beta by Kristine Thorne
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Chapter Summary: Hermione, Ron, Harry and Sev have to restock the hospital wing's potion supplies, Harry becomes worried about Sev when he seems to be rather distracted from his duties despite Hermione's disapproving stare.
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Warning: angst.
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Chapter Fifteen – Potions and Psychic Healing
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Harry and Severus took Ron to the hall for breakfast the next morning; they had kept him till then because Hermione had refused to have him back. She still wasn't very happy, so Ron had drifted to the middle of the table where the two headmasters sat after only a few minutes.
"She's still got the hump," Ron told the two Kin, "What did I say to her?"
"Enough to get you a sofa in the dungeon," Harry replied, he didn't really want to repeat Ron's words.
"You will have to make it up to her," Severus announced, "I intend that Hermione will be helping me with the restocking of the hospital wing, as Potions teacher it will be part of her duties, it won't work out very well if I am associating with today's enemy."
Ron twisted his face at the prospect of making up with Hermione but he needed somewhere to hide in the future.
"We're the headmasters," Harry pointed out to Severus, "Why don't you just tell her she'll have to help you or you'll sack her, she's never been your greatest fan anyway."
"I was trying to be nice," Severus answered quietly.
Ron had snorted his response to Severus' words before he had a chance to think better of it.
Harry was not amused, "If you're going to be nasty to Hermione and sit at this part of the table, you will have to be nice to us instead," Harry warned.
"Sorry," Ron muttered and Harry wondered if he really meant it or if it was just a matter of the lesser of the two evils.
Severus picked at this food and didn't really eat much, Harry noticed, he hadn't been like that since the day of the open day and as far as Harry knew there was nothing for him to be feeling nervous about. He looked tired too even though they had both had a good quantity of sleep, forgoing their usual activities considering that Ron was in the next room. Harry decided to ask him about it as soon as they were alone again.
The set up in the Potions classroom that morning reminded Harry very much of a cookery programme they had watched on Will's TV sometimes. As soon as breakfast was over they had headed down to the dungeon to begin their days work. The potion making session was going to take a couple of days at least without messing around, if they didn't get busy it would drag on all week and Harry could remember well enough that double potions had once seemed like the ultimate torture, now it was going to seem like a brief taster.
Hermione and Ron had a large cauldron and a prepared pile of ingredients set up on one side of the room and Harry and Severus had a similar set up on the other side. Harry looked to Severus and knew that this was so much removed from double potions lessons that it was a different experience entirely, for a start he wouldn't mind the potions master looking over his shoulder one little bit.
"Can't brew, won't brew," Harry commented quietly to his Kin, thinking he might get the joke about the TV show.
Severus maintained his composure of course and pulled a high stool over to stand in front of his cauldron. Harry caught his Kin watching Hermione as she stood by her cauldron and got to work; Severus then pushed the chair out of the way again and stood too.
Harry began to cut the ingredients under Severus' direction and kept an eye on his Kin as he worked. He still looked rather tired, Harry thought, a cup of coffee and a brisk walk to the dungeon had done nothing to liven him up, it wasn't like Severus at all.
Severus started to add the ingredients one by one into the cauldron; this was to be a large patch of pain potion. He was working from a potion book for the first time in years and he noticed that Hermione was showing off by not bothering. Severus almost wished that he hadn't enlisted Hermione's help, then he wouldn't have her trying, and unfortunately succeeding, to best him in everything and he wouldn't have Ron staring over at him with nothing better to do while he was cutting Hermione's ingredients. Severus noticed that Harry kept looking at him as he cut the ingredients for their cauldron but he didn't mind that one little bit.
The morning seemed to take forever to drift towards lunchtime, Severus brewed and Harry cut and then they both did the bottling. Then they started again on a batch of something else. Harry wondered if Severus had spent an awful lot of his so called spare time doing this, he had to assume that he probably had.
Harry noticed that Severus was watching what he was doing as he stirred his cauldron.
"Everything all right?" Harry asked.
"I think that needs to be cut a little finer," Severus replied quietly so that Ron and Hermione couldn't hear. It hadn't been a reply to what Harry was referring to, he was more concerned with Severus' welfare but it successfully highlighted how, for Harry, potion making had made the transition from nerve wracking nightmare to just plain boring. Severus' voice had been like honey to his ears and Harry obliged his Kin by cutting the root he was working on until it was almost a powder.
Harry was thoroughly bored but he wasn't about to mention the fact, it was an essential job and so much more economical than buying in ready-made potions. Severus asked for an ingredient that Harry hadn't cut up yet, puzzled, Harry checked with the recipe and found that he had prepared the right thing after all. Harry handed Severus the correct ingredient, which hadn't been what he had asked for, and waited for him to say something. Severus tipped all of what Harry had given him straight into the cauldron with barely a glance at it.
"Sev?" Harry began, "Are you all right?"
"Yes," Severus replied as he carried on stirring.
"Sure?"
"Yes,"
"I've just given you something different to what you asked for," Harry tried to explain.
"Oh Harry!" Severus said as if it was the end of the world.
Harry noticed how weary he looked, "I gave you the right thing, you asked for the wrong thing," Harry added kindly.
"Oh," Severus responded, staring into the cauldron, "It IS the right colour."
"I know, this is why I was asking you if you're all right." Harry persisted.
"I'm fine, I just haven't done this in a while," Severus replied.
Harry saw Severus look up at Hermione who was still stood at her cauldron and was smiling smugly back at them, obviously having heard at least some of their current exchange.
"Why don't we swap for a while, you can give me step by step instructions in any tone of voice you want," Harry suggested.
"I am sure SHE would love that," Severus sneered in Hermione's direction.
"This isn't about her, this isn't a competition," Harry added getting up from his stool, he assumed that if Severus wasn't immediately saying no to the suggestion then he would be consenting to it very soon.
"Isn't it?" Severus responded not taking his eyes off Hermione who was stirring brightly as if she had only just taken up the task five minutes previously.
Harry stepped round the back of Severus and took hold of his arms, steering him in the direction of the stool. Severus allowed himself to be repositioned and sat down.
Harry leant down to whisper in Severus' ear, "You win anyway because later I am going to lie you down on our four poster bed and pull all your clothes off, then I am going to kiss every inch of your body."
Harry took up Severus' position and Severus chose a rather exasperated and haughty schoolteacher voice with which to give his commands. Harry might have thought the old Snape had returned but he knew that Severus was only doing it because he had been promised that he would be kissed all over his body.
The next day they made much better progress, Harry couldn't decide if this was better or not, Severus seemed to be more like his normal self, which also meant that he was more focussed and wanted to take fewer breaks. Harry knew that it was sunny outside, they had come back to Hogwarts in the middle of April when they air was quite fresh but it was now mid May and the weather was leaning towards summer.
Harry didn't really want to go on a long broom flight or anything too adventurous, but he would have liked to go for some sort of flight or even just a walk around the grounds for a while. Harry looked to Severus as he himself continued to prepare endless piles of ingredients in little earthenware bowls; Severus was intent on his work, having only looked at the recipe once before they began, he was now working from memory. Harry looked across the classroom and found Hermione just as absorbed in her work as Severus and Ron looking just as bored as he was, to catch Ron's eye and communicate this fact to him, however, seemed like betrayal.
That evening they ate in the hall and after the meal Severus led Harry off in the direction of the dungeon. The sky had been full of stars, Harry had noticed from their time in the hall, a beautiful night.
"I want to go out," Harry suddenly found himself saying as Severus joined him on their sofa in front of the fire.
"Out where?" Severus asked looking tired after their hard days work.
"Nowhere really," Harry replied knowing that he didn't want to go by himself but he didn't want to persuade Severus into doing something he didn't want to do either, "Just need some fresh air, just for a while."
Severus stood up and held a hand out to Harry, "Better go now before I get comfortable."
Harry took Severus' hand and they walked through the almost deserted corridors of the castle till eventually they passed through the main door and into the grounds. Without deciding on a route they made off across the expanse of grass till the castle was as far away as it could be without having to pass through the wards.
Harry looked up at the sky and savoured the sight of all the stars on what was still a very clear night. He had grown used to being able to see them when they had lived away from the world and the lights of Hogwarts and Hogsmeade did not hinder their brightness now. Harry heard a sword being drawn beside him but recognised the sound well enough not to be alarmed.
Harry drew his sword too and watched the crimson serpents wind round his wrist before he turned to Severus and found him standing with his sword too as he had expected.
"I think I know what you really need," Severus said bringing his sword up into a position in front of his face, it would have been a clear challenge to fight if Harry had been an enemy, to Severus' Kin it was an invitation to play.
Harry smiled, until Severus had offered he hadn't even thought that this was what he wanted, but it was. They were far enough away from anybody else; nobody could get accidentally in their way, Harry couldn't feel the urge to kill, so if anybody wanted to harm Severus they must be tucked up in their bed asleep or out of range.
Harry raised his sword up too, accepting the challenge, the last time he had raised his sword in challenge had been to the Dark Lord, he hardly counted the few small outbursts of the past few weeks, they hadn't led to the fighting he enjoyed.
Harry watched Severus warily, waiting for him to make the first move, not wanting to miss responding to it with skill even if it had been a while. Harry didn't have to wait long, Severus lunged towards him and Harry blocked the blow easily, he grinned at his Kin, it looked like he hadn't lost his touch after all. Harry responded by attacking Severus and managed to strike him but did not slow him down. Severus was annoyed to be caught out so soon and put all his effort into it as he attacked Harry again.
Harry could only smile at Severus' determination but didn't let it affect his attention. To an unsuspecting onlooker they might have appeared to be fighting for real at an impossibly fast pace and one or the other might have looked as if they were about to die but for the fact that every successful hit merely bounced away instead of slicing through as it should have done.
The next morning Severus seemed to have taken a downturn again, they had stayed up quite late but Harry hadn't thought that they had been late enough to cause Severus to look as if he had had no sleep at all. He picked his way through his breakfast again and Harry ended up feeling guilty for dragging Severus out into the grounds the previous night. He had seemed all right while they were fighting but the swords would have made sure of that as they had done when Harry himself had been exhausted the previous winter.
After breakfast they had to make their way back down to the potions classroom to make yet more batches of phials needed for the hospital wing, the stocks had been worn down into a pitiful state it would seem. Severus plodded on with his work but Harry could tell that he was loving it even less than he himself did. Harry had pushed a stool towards his Kin before they had begun and Severus sat down without protest, not even caring anymore about the competition that Hermione seemed insistent about creating.
Harry kept a check on the ingredients and made sure that what Severus asked for tallied with what the recipe called for next, he even started to watch how long Severus stirred and in which direction. As the potion was nearly finished Severus sprinkled in the last ingredient, the potion bubbled and spewed smoke before changing colour and Severus, who was meant to stir for a further ten minutes, wrinkled his nose in distaste at the rather pungent smell and ran into the office closing the door with a slam.
Hermione of course couldn't decide whether to look amused at this or disgusted at the negligence of it, Harry had to admit he was rather surprised, not to mention worried for his Kin. The potion was almost finished however, so he kept stirring it in Severus' place till it could be left to cool.
Harry joined Severus in the office as soon as he could and found him sitting on the floor propped up against the desk. Beside him stood a cauldron. Severus' skin was moist, Harry noticed as he sat on the floor too, and he looked very pale too. Harry might have supposed that Severus had been using the cauldron to vomit into but if he had, the evidence had already been magicked away.
"Sev," Harry pleaded, "Tell me what is wrong."
Severus gave his familiar faint smile, "Strong smell, not used to it anymore."
Harry had to admit that he too had once or twice turned away from a cauldron because of the smell, "That's all?"
"I think so," Severus replied.
Harry sighed and accepted his Kin's words but couldn't help feeling that there was more to it, a smelly potion didn't explain the fatigue and everything else that hadn't been quite right over the past few days.
Harry watched Severus sleeping, they had gone to bed and Severus had allowed Harry to snuggle up to his back but he had been unresponsive to all minor hints towards sex and Harry had been unwilling to push him if he didn't want to. Harry was perhaps too worried about his Kin to want sex anyway. He imagined he was probably overreacting but he had only once before seen Severus in a state of illness, it just wasn't something you ever saw happening to a wizard. They did indeed get ill but it was usually so quickly healed that nobody other than the person who had provided the healing ever knew about it.
Injuries were well noted at Hogwarts of course, although also quickly healed, the causing of them was usually a much more public event. Harry suddenly wondered if wizards could get things like cancer, then immediately wished that his brain would just stop functioning for a while because he didn't know the answer.
All that Harry could think was that Severus had certainly managed to pick up an infection well enough when the circumstances had presented themselves, out in the wilderness of Scotland the previous year, and that he too had been subject to the normal muggle illnesses before he was eleven, he might not have been aware that he was a wizard at that time but he had always been one. Without the healing of a fellow wizard or the help of a potion, broken bones had taken just as long to heal as they would have done had it been Dudley on receiving end of his uncle's wrath instead of himself.
So Severus was maybe fine, maybe it was just a little bit of random sickness and if Poppy or Minerva had been with them, Harry might never have had time to notice before it was magicked away. Harry certainly wished that he had paid more attention during Psychic Healing classes, a class that was only taught at NEWT level if you did well enough in the Potions OWL, but the classes had been taken with Snape of course, so he hadn't paid any attention at all.
Harry lay for what seemed a lifetime, trying to get to sleep. He wondered if any inept attempts at sensing or healing could harm because he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep till he had sought some kind of resolution. If it was just a random bought of sickness, Severus might have attempted to teach Harry to sense it, maybe he didn't because he was too scared to know what it was, Harry thought, maybe Severus was in denial. If it was just a little bit more serious maybe Severus might have called Minerva back for a day, but he hadn't.
With a heavy heart Harry supposed that it must be even worse than that. Severus hid things so well, maybe he was hiding a lot, sickness, pain, he could be hiding anything. Severus was so tired, maybe he was hiding so much that to hide the tiredness too would be too much. Harry had never heard of a wizard having cancer but during his eleven years with the Dursley's he had never heard of a muggle close to them having it either. Just because you haven't known anybody who has had it, Harry reasoned, doesn't mean it can't raise its ugly head at some point in your life.
Maybe he was overreacting, the thought briefly entered Harry's mind as a few tears coursed down his cheeks. Somehow the thought just made Harry feel more upset and he knew that, inept at healing though he most undoubtedly was, he had to try to help his Kin.
Once the decision was made it was easy to try, Harry already had his arm wrapped round his Kin and Severus was deeply asleep. All Harry had to do was try and remember his lessons from a year ago and concentrate, moving his hand over Severus' body. The worst part was making sense of what he saw, which for quite a while was nothing. Finding nothing was easy enough but as Harry progressed he found that suddenly he was sensing a something.
At the first attempt the something that Harry had found seemed to be quite round and firm, it wasn't a recognisable body part and its metabolism was greatly increased. It was encapsulated and was increasing in size at an alarming rate, it was aggressive and was sucking energy and nutrition from Severus' blood making him weak and stopping him from being able to function normally, everything you might expect of a tumour in fact.
Trying to stay calm Harry broke contact with Severus and took a few deep breaths. He had to realise that he wasn't very skilled and could have got it all wrong; Harry tried to reason with himself as the panic engulfed him. When Harry could not stand not checking any longer, he had another attempt but the result was the same. No matter how hard he willed it not to be true, there it still was.
Harry was discovering that a little knowledge was a bad thing. Now he thought he knew what was wrong he found that it did nothing to help him or Severus. He couldn't admit to Severus that he had sensed in him without his consent and there was no way that he could continue as if he hadn't done it at all. He had to find somebody to check his findings but apart from Severus himself, there was only one other person who would know anything at all about healing and Harry really didn't want to go to her.
Yet he had no choice, Harry thought as he waited for morning, he had no choice but to draw what he had seen and present it to Meg as soon as he could.
Harry pretended to be asleep when Severus woke and headed for the bathroom. He could hear nothing but Harry could tell from the complete silence that Severus had put up a silence charm to hide the fact that he was vomiting. Harry buried his head in the pillow trying not to cry till Severus eventually emerged from the bathroom. When Severus began to get dressed Harry pretended to wake up and headed for the bathroom to get washed.
After his shower Harry found that he had willed himself into a strange sense of calm and courage, he couldn't arouse Severus' suspicion and he needed to be able to leave him somewhere so that he could visit Meg. After he had seen Meg, Harry thought, he would then have to approach Severus with whatever truth had been found.
During breakfast Harry approached Ron, it was the easiest way he could think of to get Hermione to think she needed to take Severus away from him for a while. Harry left the details to Ron but Hermione didn't take any persuading at all to take up an opportunity to split the two Kin up for a while, declaring that Severus had been rather neglectful in his teacher training duties.
After Hermione had insisted for the third time that Harry did not need to sit in on the advanced potions tutoring session Harry offered to take some of the newly prepared potions down to the hospital wing.
Meg was still a bit nervous of Harry and Severus after their sudden arrival in April but she offered Harry some tea and a seat when Harry said that he needed to consult with her about something.
Once they had drunk a little tea and Harry had tried to be friendly and chatty in order to gain Meg's confidence, Meg was eager to find out why Harry the Headmaster would need her help.
"So what can I do for you that Headmaster Snape can't?" Meg began.
Harry took the parchment from his robes and handed it to her, "I need to know what this is."
Meg looked at the parchment for a few minutes and began to look wary, "Is this meant to be some kind of test of my ability?" She asked.
"No," Harry insisted in what he hoped was a friendly enough manner, "I just need to know, really."
"Headmaster Snape is the most skilled person in this castle as far as Psychic Healing is concerned, especially regarding matters of illness," Meg replied still suspicious.
"I promise you this isn't a test, could you please tell me what this is," Harry pleaded.
Meg shrugged, "I don't know," She replied, "If this really is a test after all, I have just failed, I admit that I came here as an urgent replacement and I am only really skilled in the treatment of injury, perhaps you should consider employing somebody else when the school opens."
"So this is disease?" Harry asked trying to maintain his calm.
"I presume so," Meg said without cheer, obviously expecting to be without a job sometime soon.
Harry decided that he had to go, "I assure you that this wasn't a test, your position is secure here, as you can imagine there will be plenty of injuries to treat in a school." he tried to convince Meg as he went.
Harry walked the corridors like his feet were made of lead, there was only one person he could turn to now and the only way to do it was to lie about who he had been sensing, if Severus knew before hand then it would impair his judgement. Harry didn't want to have to lie to his Kin but he had little choice. He hoped that Severus wouldn't be too angry with him before realising that Severus was going to be too upset to be angry.
Harry rejoined his Kin and stayed with him for the whole day, maybe if Severus hadn't still been feeling ill himself he might have noticed that Harry wasn't quite himself and would have asked him about it. As it was Severus disappeared from the table twice during lunch and three times during dinner. When he was there he was quiet and withdrawn, not that anybody other than Harry would notice that.
Eventually Harry and Severus made it back to the privacy of their quarters, it was early in the evening but it couldn't have come soon enough for Harry. He was perhaps more frightened of the approaching conversation than he had ever been of the Dark Lord, he knew that the end of Severus would mean that he would cease to be also, he had a taste of the torture of a Kin's death in his mouth. Harry could see the death of Severus and his own suicide in one fluid and inevitable scene unbroken by any other action.
"I was testing my psychic healing this morning," Harry began once they were both settled on the sofa, knowing that it was useless to delay, "I thought I might be more use around here."
"Oh," Severus responded looking fairly interested despite the fact that he was slumped on his side of the sofa looking exhausted and ill.
"I'm not very good at it though and I wondered if I could ask your opinion on something."
"Of course," Severus said kindly.
Harry was dreading finding out what it had been but he had to know, he handed Severus the parchment upon which he had sketched the shape of the lump he had found inside his Kin.
Severus looked at the drawing for barely a minute before he took a fresh piece of parchment and sketched something on it. Severus passed his sketch to Harry.
"Does this look like what you were seeing?" Severus asked after Harry had had a look.
"Yes," Harry admitted, the drawing was a much better representation of what Harry had sensed, he looked up at Severus trying to get any indication from his face about what it might mean.
"Then I think you had better tell this person immediately," Severus said gravely.
Harry could have sunk to his knees in despair but he struggled to remain standing. "What is it?" He asked trying to sound normal.
"It is a foetus, the girl you have been practising on is pregnant, you found this in her lower abdomen I imagine," Severus replied.
Harry could do nothing but stare at Severus in shock, "Yes, I did find it in that part of the body, are you sure?"
"Yes, most definitely, there is no question that this person is pregnant." Severus confirmed.
"Oh,"
"So I think you had better run off and tell the person whom this belongs to that they are expecting a child, they will probably need to know, whether they are delighted or not is another matter."
Harry handed the parchment back to Severus still feeling a bit numb, "I was worried about you," he stated.
"Worried about me?" Severus queried, looking puzzled.
"Yes, you seemed so tired and sickly and you wouldn't let me help."
"There wasn't anything to help."
"As you slept I was just lying with my arm wrapped around you wondering what I could do, unable to sleep, I sensed underneath my hand searching for a reason, that drawing is what I found."
"In me?" Severus asked now joining Harry in shock.
"This was why I asked you if you were sure." Harry explained.
"It can't be," Severus muttered shaking his head.
"Where did you read about the fact that you were only compatible with your brother?" Harry asked.
"I don't know," Severus admitted.
Harry sighed, he had suddenly realised something, "This was what Albus meant about you denying yourself, it isn't in any book is it, there is little enough documentation about the Kin Bond as it is without expecting the full ins and outs of the pregnancy aspect. We must be compatible with our Kin, regardless of whether it is a second Bonding or not, only you are too intent on believing the worst of everything that you just decided that it wouldn't happen."
"I suppose that must be the case," Severus replied as the information only just started to seep through the shock.
"We can get somebody else to have a look, confirm that I am right," Harry suggested.
"I don't want anybody else touching me," Severus said immediately rushing out the words.
"Well," Harry smiled, "We will just have to see whether you get an attack of the grumpies soon then won't we?"
"You're serious, you really think I'm pregnant?" Severus repeated, the disbelief still in his voice.
"I don't think anything, I just found what I found and I drew for you to identify, you determined what it was, and you trust that I'm telling you the truth about where I found it?"
Severus' expression changed to a shock of a different kind, "Of course I do!"
"I know, so that leaves us with a happy conclusion," Harry smiled, the relief draining through him, "Do you want me to sense again? It won't cause any hurt to keep looking?"
"No, it won't harm at all," Severus replied, "I can direct you and help you develop your technique."
Harry looked at his Kin curiously, he was going to achieve something he had dreamed about for years and yet he still maintained a stern air, no wonder other people misread him Harry thought, "You don't do excited do you?" He commented.
Severus kissed Harry on the forehead and snuggled up to him on the sofa, "I can scarcely believe I'm not going to wake up and find it was all a dream. My mind immediately starts thinking about all the ways it can go wrong."
Harry smiled, "Let me check that everything's fine then," He insisted, "Show me how."
Severus stood up and they headed for the bedroom, it was by far the most comfortable way to perform and learn the psychic healing technique though in the official school lessons they had made do with a sitting position due to other issues.
They both got ready for bed as usual, although it was early, Harry needed to able to get his hands laid on Severus' skin and by the time they were finished their lesson it would be as near to bedtime as made no difference. When Severus was wearing nothing but his nightshirt he lay down on the bed and propped himself up on several pillows, so that he could see what Harry was doing in order to direct him.
Harry placed his hand on Severus' lower abdomen.
"Is that the place you sensed this morning?" Severus asked.
"Yes," Harry replied hoping that it was the right place, after everything he didn't want to be wrong.
"Good, that is where one would expect to find an early pregnancy,"
Harry grinned, he couldn't stop himself but he kept his hand still.
Severus explained how to find out how far along the pregnancy was and Harry was delighted to get a result, "It must have been the night we messed up the potions classroom, oh Sev, that is bad, what will we tell our child?"
Severus looked both amused and slightly embarrassed, "I suppose that is one reason not to have sex in silly places," He replied, "Now we will try to see whether it is a boy or a girl, I don't want to know and you don't have to if you don't want to, I just think it might be good practise."
"I will do it, but I won't tell you," Harry answered as he prepared to follow Severus' instructions.
"Do you know?" Severus asked after he felt the sensing stop.
"Yes," Harry grinned but divulged no further information, "What next?"
"Health, I need you to check that everything is going as it should be."
"I sensed before that there was rapid growth and feeding from your blood."
"Sounds good, now explore that a bit further." Severus instructed.
An hour or so later Harry lay beside Severus wrapped in Severus' arms, he didn't know if they could ever be more happy. He was so happy he thought he would begin to cry again.
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TBC very soon.
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Chapter Sixteen Summary - Trapped - With mixed feelings about his most recent news, Harry walks into a trap.
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