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Due to ffnet rules all author's notes will be deleted from the chapters to maintain the word count at a realistic level. I personally think all this is a bummer, so many of you write me such lovely long reviews :( wink check reviews from 'anon' for this story. I do wish to continue to respond to reviewers and this might be the way to go.
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Beta by Kristine Thorne
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Chapter Summary - Severus exerts his authority with Hermione and Harry makes an unexpected discovery.
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Chapter Seventeen – Emotional
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There is a baby name poll available on my website, please see my author's profile for the link and help Harry and Sev out with their choice.
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It was quite late in the evening when Severus heard a knock at the door. He was sitting at his desk trying to wade through the official schools papers, which hadn't been damaged in the Death Eater attack in December. His eyes were sore from having to work in the dim dungeon light, not something he could remember bothering him before. He found that he might actually be looking forward to moving upstairs to the light and airy new Headmaster's quarters. Harry still slept in the bedroom and Severus was inclined to leave him that way for as long as he would sleep.
Severus' first thought when the knock came was to hope that it hadn't woken Harry and the second thought was to hope it wasn't either Ron or Hermione. The third thought was to pretend they weren't there and leave the door unanswered, although the new Headmaster of Hogwarts could only dream of doing that really.
Severus pulled himself onto his feet and dragged himself over to the door somehow knowing that it had to be Hermione and that the days of maintaining a silence so that Harry could deal with things himself were over, he was going to have to assert himself with her now.
Severus backed away across the room and back to his desk as Hermione entered. She had changed her clothing but he had to be very careful. Harry was safely protected by a localised ward which blocked all access to the bedroom but that of his Kin, he wasn't worried about that, he was worried about what Hermione might still have up her sleeve now she had nothing to lose, something that she could aim at himself.
"Your wand," Severus commanded pointing to the corner of the desk. He drew his sword meaning to be prepared.
Hermione watched Severus nervously but made no move to relinquish her wand.
"Hardly fair," Hermione commented without taking her eyes off the sword.
"Not one of my strong points apparently, wand on the desk and state the purpose of your visit or leave now," Severus said firmly.
"We only ever wanted to be friends with Harry as we were before," Hermione began.
"I've heard this once before if I recall correctly, allowing Minerva to persuade you to apologise when all the time you were merely buying yourself some time, why should I believe any apparent good intentions now?" Severus replied.
"It is true, we… I saw him being controlled and restricted by you; I thought it was wrong that he didn't want to be with us anymore. You remember what it was like, even right up to the end of term? Why would I think your intentions were honourable?"
Severus lay the sword along the desk as he sat but he still kept a hold of it, "Harry does want your friendship, it can't be allowed now because of the danger you now pose," Severus answered.
"He would never have taken up a Bond with you if you hadn't manipulated him somehow," Hermione accused.
Severus sighed, "I thought that you were better at your research than this," He accused in return, "You don't see a thing, you don't care to understand what research you did do."
"Well explain it to me then, because all I see is my friend being brainwashed into some peculiar living arrangement which forces him to cast aside his friends."
"Remember that first night when we arrived at Hogwarts, how open and pleased to see you he was."
"Yes," Hermione had to concede.
"All he wanted after the battle was over was to come back here and see his friends again. Harry is just as fun loving as he ever was, just as capable of being your friend if you will let him, he has not changed that much, unfortunately due to your most recent behaviour I am the only one who is allowed to see it anymore. He is devoted to me but there is no reason for you not to communicate with him if you do not challenge that."
Harry had a difficult task to complete, he had to rid the world of the Dark Lord or die trying. He had a difficult choice to make and he took the Kin Bond so that he could live but also because it was what he wanted. The Bond itself could only be created from a regard that already existed, away from Hogwarts and the rest of the wizarding world's expectations that regard developed. It was your disapproval of his choice that drove the wedge between you both. Every time you ask him to go somewhere with you he thinks you are trying to trick him and the only time he ever accepted an invitation when I was absent, you did indeed trick him."
"But he is subservient to you," Hermione continued.
"I didn't want to come back here, I didn't think it was wise but it was what Harry wanted. Harry gets everything that he wants that I can give him. No, I don't make a big show of being soft and pliable, my reputation requires me to have a certain edge, I do not trust easily but I trust Harry and I would give him everything that it is in my power to give, I have proved it to him on a number of occasions, to suggest I neglect his interests is beyond insulting."
"But what about his father?" Hermione said watching for Severus' reaction.
"What about him?" Severus answered, feeling after many years that this was truly something in the past.
"Isn't this all about revenge?" Hermione challenged.
Severus snorted in grim amusement, "Seeking vengeance for wrongs done to me is Harry's job, but his father has been dead for some time so fortunately it has not become an issue. The other men who were present that day, might not in time be so lucky, if Harry ever sees them again he knows and is certain about what he will do. But, let's not prolong this chit chat any longer, what is it you want from me tonight?"
"To be allowed to stay and to keep my job, to be friends with Harry."
"I have given you my command as Headmaster of this school," Severus snapped.
"Right," Hermione said turning to go.
"Your wand," Severus prompted.
Hermione returned to the desk and reached for her wand, which Severus with lightning fast movement snatched up before she could reach it.
"You must accept him as he is, he desperately wants to be friends with you both still and I have not done a thing to stop it. You may succeed at conversing with him but only if you refrain from challenging his existence here with me, do you understand?"
Hermione frowned, "I am not sure."
"You may stay because Harry would wish it, personally I would rather call for the aurors of Hogsmeade to drag you off the castle grounds but as I said, I would do anything for Harry. You will not threaten either of us or the Kin Bond ever again, the next time Harry attempts to use his sword on either of you I will not stop him and I will not help you in any way if that occurs, is that clear?"
Hermione looked pleased and relieved, "Yes," She agreed readily.
"Understand that I am responsible for seeking vengeance for any wrong done to Harry, I won't hesitate to do so and it will mean your life."
"Can I see him?" Hermione asked.
Severus frowned, "If he wishes to see you, however he is asleep."
"May I have my wand back?" Hermione asked.
"When you leave," Severus answered keeping the requested item out of Hermione's reach as he stood up.
Severus passed Hermione and crossed the room to the bedroom door, "Stay where you are," He commanded before he disappeared inside to speak to Harry.
Harry hadn't woken and got undressed; he still lay fully clothed with only a blanket covering him. Severus climbed up onto the bed and lay next to his Kin. He reached out a hand to Harry's head and stroked his fingers through his hair. After a while Harry began to wake and turned over into Severus' arms.
"I have Hermione outside," Severus spoke softly to Harry.
"What does she want?" Harry asked, perhaps not as sternly as he intended, succeeding in sounding weary rather than annoyed.
"To listen hopefully," Severus answered.
"Send her away," Harry replied.
"I would have done but you didn't want her to leave,"
"I know, but it can't be avoided."
Severus reached inside his robes and pulled out the little crystal ball he had discretely stored there as he spoke to Hermione, he gave it to Harry, placing it in his open hand, "I will stay with you the whole time she is here," Severus promised.
"This crystal ball always managed to get through even your defences," Harry observed playing with the ball in his hand. "Tell her she can have five minutes."
Severus let the ward down and allowed Hermione into the room, she was making an admirable effort to not look annoyed because she had been left on her own for so long. Severus indicated to her that she had five minutes and she entered the room.
Harry had pulled himself up into a sitting position on the bed and Hermione nervously sat on the edge near the bottom. Severus joined Harry, sitting on the opposite side to Hermione and as close as he could get to Harry.
"Not turning into another Trelawney are you?" Hermione asked, the nerves very clear in her voice.
Harry felt nervous too, partly because he really was and partly because some of it was coming from the crystal ball, "This is a special ball, not like Trelawney's, far more useful," He answered.
"Really?"
"Yes, look, pretty colours," Harry said holding the ball up to show Hermione the rainbow effect in the crystal; he wasn't about to reveal his secret.
"Shall I ask Dobby for some tea?" Severus asked Harry.
"Yes, I think that would be nice, maybe Hermione would like to stay a little longer," Harry agreed recognising that Severus was really asking about Hermione's intentions and thus his reply was confirming that it was all right for her to stay. Harry couldn't find any evidence of any further plans to disrupt his life.
Severus left the bed to approach the fire.
"I am sorry about harming your baby," Harry admitted to Hermione, he had been feeling very guilty about it and he also needed to make a point, "But imagine that I would feel the same way about losing Severus. You would do anything to protect your child even if you didn't originally plan your life this way, wouldn't you?"
Hermione looked at Harry for a while before answering, "Yes, I suppose I would," She had to admit.
"Could you be friends with me if I was constantly criticising your pregnancy?"
"No,"
"But we could if I just accepted it and was happy for you?"
"Oh, an analogy,"
"Yes, so I think you might understand a little now,"
"Hmm," Hermione muttered.
Harry was satisfied with the progress and Severus was returning with the tea.
"How is Ron?" Harry asked as Severus joined them again and handed Harry a mug of tea.
Hermione twisted her face at the mention of Ron's name, "You didn't damage him if that's what you meant."
"It was," Harry confirmed.
"Well he's fine then," Hermione replied, "Though I suppose I should mention that he only made the comment about killing Severus weeks ago and I don't think he was serious about it. I was just trying to get back at him. In fact he has disowned me in your defence, so you don't need to be angry with him any more."
"Did Ron not want to come down with you?" Harry asked. He had to wonder if he had frightened Ron so much that it would ruin what tenuous friendship they had managed to salvage.
"We're not speaking, I didn't tell him I was coming. Although I imagine he will come to see you soon enough on his own because you give him alcohol."
Harry frowned, "He's a grown man, it isn't my job to stop him, it isn't yours either."
"Which was what he said," Hermione continued.
"Well then, mind your own affairs and stop trying to run everybody else's life, go tell Dobby that he can send whatever Ron asks for." Harry said pointing to the fire, taking advantage of Hermione's wish to get her job back to sort a few things out.
"How has this got anything to do with Dobby?" Hermione said looking quite indignant which only confirmed her guilt to Harry.
"You've been telling Dobby not to let Ron have certain things, now get him here." Harry stated.
Hermione, apparently in a mood to be agreeable to Harry, went to the fire and summoned Dobby. Harry watched as Hermione instructed the little house elf that he could now serve Ron with anything that he asked for. Harry then took her place and spoke to Dobby himself.
"What can I do for Harry Snape sir?" Dobby asked.
Harry smiled at Dobby, "You are to accept restrictions on the supply of food and drink from myself or Severus only from now on," Harry instructed.
"Yes sir," Dobby agreed readily.
"Can you send up a small bottle of muggle single malt and a packet of smokes to Ron, with a message, in apology for the events of earlier today."
Harry returned to Hermione on the bed after Dobby had left.
"You don't have to live with him, you've seen how obnoxious he gets," Hermione complained in her own defence.
Harry couldn't help a smile in remembrance of Ron's last outburst, "He does develop a rather colourful way of expressing the truth," he agreed.
Hermione fumed but there was little she could do about it with her job and home at stake and Severus watching over them.
"You don't drink, for somebody who promotes it so readily you've become quite a tea sipper," Hermione accused.
"I don't want to, I could have a drink," Harry said hoping that Severus would realise he was only saying it to Hermione, "But I choose not to."
"I think that's been enough for tonight," Severus announced, "And it is late, perhaps we might resume conversation over breakfast as I need my bed to be free of Gryffindors."
Harry showed Hermione to the door after Severus had returned her wand to her. Harry kept a tight hold on the crystal ball as they left the bedroom, keen to be warned of any attack. To Harry's relief Hermione only seemed to be sad that their conversation had been cut short and irritated that because it was so late she had no bargaining power to make it continue.
"So where are you sleeping then?" Hermione asked in a whisper as they crossed the living room.
"He didn't mean me, I'm a Snape now," Harry answered with some amusement at the truth of the matter.
"What is it like, sleeping in the same bed?"
"Warm," Harry replied as they reached the door.
Hermione grimaced, "Well I suppose it is a very large bed."
"See you in the morning," Harry said before closing the door behind what he hoped was his friend.
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Harry returned to the bedroom to find Severus undressing for bed. It was indeed very late and he found that his Kin was not wasting any time before turning in.
Harry felt relatively pleased with the progress that he had made with Hermione but only time would tell for sure. Severus he felt a little more apprehensive about. They were going to bed now and he was sure that Severus would probably mention the matter of the contraceptive potion again and Harry was really quite determined that he wasn't going to take it.
Harry filled with sadness and, maybe because it had been a traumatic day anyway, he felt his eyes fill with tears. Severus was still undressing and Harry wiped his face quickly with his hand before beginning to take his own clothes off. Somehow he knew that he was going to plead with Severus to let him still become pregnant but also there was a nagging doubt forming in his head that it was futile to do so because he wasn't functioning properly anyway.
Severus climbed into bed first and Harry joined him lying on his back, waiting for Severus to make the first move.
"Do you want to go straight to sleep?" Severus asked kindly.
"Not really," Harry answered readying himself for what was to come.
"Good," Severus replied, still gently, "Because I would like to talk to you about something if that's all right."
"Bad thing or good thing?" Harry asked.
Severus beckoned Harry to come lie with his head on his Kin's shoulder, "Good thing, very much a good thing."
Harry felt a little encouraged; surely this wouldn't mean that Severus still wanted him to take the potion.
"Do you recall that I wanted you to take a contraceptive potion?" Severus began.
"Yes," Harry replied hoping that the tone of his voice would be enough to discourage Severus from pursuing the matter.
"Well, I told Hermione this evening that I would do anything for you, that I do indeed give you everything that you ask for and I think she might be beginning to believe me," Severus continued.
"That's good, she wasn't too bad tonight," Harry added wondering about the relevance of Severus' words.
"But it isn't true Harry," Severus continued hugging Harry to him, "I find that I have lied."
"Oh?"
"You want to be pregnant more than anything else and I tried to delay it."
"Because it was sensible to do so."
"Yes, it would be sensible to wait but I should know better than anybody what that is like and how the chance can be torn away from you forever. I remember a similar moment between my first Kin and I, he left the house with Lucius and I never saw him alive again."
"Does that mean that I can still keep trying?" Harry asked hopefully.
"I think we will have to think of a way to cope with it, in any case you will be a whole month behind me at least. The practicalities of teaching and running a school will have to be accommodated and I am sure Minerva will help us."
"Oh Sev!" Harry said wrapping his arms around Severus and squeezing him as tightly as he dared considering his Kin's condition.
It wasn't until an hour later that Harry began to feel his earlier concern seeping through his joy again, this time it wouldn't leave him, he couldn't push it out of his thoughts and he knew that tears were dripping onto Severus' chest.
"Harry?" Severus said the concern clear in his voice. They had made love luxuriously and Severus had thought that Harry was falling asleep, as he lay nestled in his arms.
"I'm all right," Harry answered in a voice that betrayed that he wasn't.
"No you're not, please tell me," Severus urged Harry, stroking a hand through his Kin's hair in a soothing manner.
"I think perhaps it is all hopeless anyway," Harry blurted out burying his head tightly into Severus' shoulder.
"Why?"
"Because I have already tried infertility potions and making love as often as I can get my hands on you and nothing has worked, I think there is something wrong with me," Harry explained, "You got pregnant first and you're older than I am."
"I think it's a bit more to do with chance than that, I don't think my being older means anything. Lots of people try for a very long time."
"And they have a little something which comes along every once in a while and I don't have that either. The magic created everything when I was so exhausted, it might not have worked correctly."
"Let me take a look," Severus offered, he was beginning to fear that Harry might be right despite his encouraging words.
"I don't know if I want you to," Harry sobbed.
"Well think about it and try to get some sleep," Severus said gently still keeping a hold of Harry.
Harry slipped his hand over Severus, "May I?" he asked.
"Yes, of course you can," Severus replied, he began to feel Harry sensing, the practise was improving his technique as well as giving him comfort.
"You will be getting sick of me doing this," Harry commented.
Severus closed his eyes and waved the light off, "I don't think I will actually," He reassured Harry.
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Severus lay awake long after Harry had eventually fallen asleep. What with the sickness and the fact that he was already feeling more tired than usual, Severus didn't know what he was going to do in the morning. No matter how he lay he couldn't get comfortable nor manage to doze for more than a few minutes.
He was worried about Harry, he too was worried that he might not be functioning correctly and that all of this might be too much for him. Harry was happy about the pregnancy, Severus could tell, but so sad also.
Harry couldn't seem to stop crying and he had been so brave when he had been forced to deal with the Dark Lord, it wasn't like him at all. It was as if it was all finally becoming too much for him. Harry wanted to be pregnant so intensely and had become so emotional; he should have been able to control his anger a little better than he had with Hermione. Actually, Harry had been really rather over emotional, Severus suddenly thought, not angry either but teary and overreacting.
Harry lay on his side facing away from Severus and Severus lay on his side too, spooning himself up against Harry.
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Ron lay on the couch in front of the fire in what used to be the Gryffindor common room. He had already retrieved a blanket and a pillow, assuming that he wouldn't be allowed access to the bedroom and not really wanting to sleep up there anymore anyway.
He had no idea where Hermione had gone but she had stopped packing. Ron himself wasn't worried about having to leave in the morning; he was assuming that the apology and the drink meant that he didn't have to go.
Ron heard Hermione coming back just in time to hide his half finished whiskey glass beneath his blanket but he grimaced in anticipation of Hermione's disproval when he realised that the smoke would still be in the air. He couldn't hide his disappointment when Hermione crossed the room and went up the stairs without any comment whatsoever. Ron was also puzzled to find that she seemed to go straight to bed; he certainly couldn't hear any evidence of the packing resuming.
Ron presumed that she must have gone to the dungeons to see Harry and she was staying after all. He curled up on his side on the sofa settling for the night after swigging down the rest of his whiskey. It was a deep and soft sofa, easily accommodating his length should he want to stretch out. Ron decided that he might just make the arrangement permanent; after all he had had the best sleep in a long while down in the dungeons on Harry's sofa and it would be one less flight of stairs to worry about.
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Severus shook Harry's shoulder with urgency but Harry was deeply asleep after his traumatic day and wouldn't wake.
"Harry!" Severus said shaking Harry's shoulder again, "Please wake up, this is important!"
Harry slept on. It had been very easy; Severus had to now agree with Harry. He had been lain with an arm draped round Harry anyway and even though Harry had said that he didn't want him to, Severus had begun to sense with Harry asleep and had found out something that he couldn't keep to himself a minute longer.
Severus hadn't expected to be faced with the frustration of Harry refusing to wake up. He was tired himself and didn't now know how he could manage to go to sleep, especially if he couldn't pass on his knowledge to his Kin. Harry was about to find out that Severus Snape did 'do' excited after all, if he would wake up that was.
Severus sat up in bed and lifted Harry up into his arms, he considered making a loud noise to wake Harry up but the last thing he wanted was for him to get a shock and think they were being attacked.
In a moment of inspiration Severus decided to kiss Harry, he always liked to be woken up that way. He leant down and kissed Harry's relaxed lips and then moved down to his neck, just gentle little nips. After a while Harry squirmed in a happy kind of way and Severus tried to speak to him once again.
"Harry, I have something important I need to tell you," Severus said, whispering gently in his ear.
Harry seemed to wake slightly and had forgotten for a moment how upset he had been feeling, "What?" He said dreamily, pulling Severus down so that he could continue to kiss him.
"Everything is all right, I checked, I know you said not to but I did anyway, just like you did for me."
"Oh Sev!" Harry said suddenly seeming quite miserable again, "Can we not talk about this now?"
"I think you do want to talk about this," Severus persisted.
Harry frowned, "So everything is all right, as far as you can sense, which just means that I am not pregnant and there is no good reason why not, so nobody can do anything about it."
"But that's just it Harry, you are," Severus said bursting with the news.
"I am what?" Harry queried still obviously a bit sleepy.
"Pregnant," Severus clarified.
"Really?" Harry queried, just starting to wake up a bit more.
"Really, really, really," Severus enthused squeezing Harry.
Harry looked up at Severus' fully animated face; it was something he hadn't seen before. Although that wasn't exactly true, an old photograph showing him the Severus who was an eleven year old excited about going away to school for the first time had shown him that it had at least been possible in the far and distant past. Before he had met James Potter, Harry thought, hardly wanting to make the connection between the name and the identity of father any more.
James Potter had destroyed Severus and Harry had saved him, he was only just starting to let it sink in, to believe it was true.
"It wasn't the same night was it?" Harry asked, "When you had me sprawled out on that desk?"
"That would have been rather romantic wouldn't it?" Severus commented.
"Romantic?" Harry queried wanting to assume that Severus wasn't being serious.
"Hmm, but no, turns out that you are at least two weeks further along than I am, you have been pregnant all along, must have happened on either the first or second night back at Hogwarts."
Harry grinned, "THAT is romantic, I have a first time conception?"
"Could be," Severus confirmed.
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TBC very soon
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Next Chapter Summary - Delusional - Harry is so excited that he says more than he meant to, oops.
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