Chapter Summary: Harry offers to baby sit but Hermione begins to break down when she discovers that Sev is helping to.
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Chapter Forty-Two – Reflections
Warning: One teeny HBP spoiler because I couldn't help myself. It comes from ch2 so you'll be ok if you've got that far. What are you doing reading this first anyway? That would be silly, go read canon and come back later :)
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Harry joined Severus in the potion's room, "They're gone," He told his Kin, "Will has gone with them for some reason, the house elves are seeing to things."
"Good," Severus replied but he looked distracted. He was not attending to his potion and had taken out his sword. He was watching the serpents glowing red and moving around his arm as they held the sword in place.
"Are you all right Sev?" Harry asked with concern.
Severus pulled himself back to the here and now as he realised that he was distressing his Kin, "Yes," He answered still with a wistful look in his eye, "I have finished the potion that will help Draco, we should go back with Will and let him start taking it as soon as possible."
"It's ready this soon?"
"Yes, well, I am that good."
Harry smiled, "You are indeed Severus."
"Of course, now we will have to wait for our dear friend to finish ingratiating himself to the delectable Hermione," Severus said standing up away from his potions desk.
"We could always send him a note through the fire," Harry suggested.
"Though you are my Kin and I care for no one more than you, I must admit Harry, that you still severely lack imagination, get yourself to bed now."
"In front of the fire in the living room might be more fun," Harry grinned then fled from the room.
"I must give you credit for a small amount of imagination then, but you still have that silly Gryffindor smile," Severus muttered to himself as he followed.
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Once Will had got Hermione settled into bed and reunited with her son he began to feel uncomfortable. Hermione was in her own bedroom settling herself for a restful evening with her new baby and Will felt that his usefulness had run its course.
"I think I will be heading back now," Will announced, "I have Ron and Draco staying with me after all."
Hermione maybe not wanting to miss an opportunity to deprive Ron of company, protested, "Stay for a cup of tea if you want," She suggested.
Will wasn't about to argue if he was invited and sat in the armchair he found by the fire. Hermione gave him step by step instructions on how to call for food through the fire himself and they were both soon furnished with a cup of tea and a cake each.
"Have you chosen a name yet?" Will asked, unsure of what to say next.
"I thought Kieran, well I thought of quite a few and I couldn't decide so we had a little poll."
"We?"
"All of us living here in Gryffindor," Hermione explained.
Will and Hermione could hear shouts of 'Kieran' echoing away from the door and down into the main living area and then there was cheering.
"Let them in would you?" Hermione asked Will with a grin.
When Will opened the door he found that news had travelled fast and there was a queue of wizards outside all hoping to get a look at the new baby.
"One at a time," Will warned the excited crowd as he stepped aside to let the first of them in.
One by one they came in and sat briefly on the bed whilst the child remained in Hermione's arms, she was not about to let him be passed around from person to person. Will listened as they all commented on how cute or beautiful he was but no one saw what he saw, or at least if they did they didn't say anything.
Nobody mentioned the father at all, Will thought it was a bit strange but he remembered that the official story was that he had been a lover who was now dead. Will knew of another reason why Hermione wouldn't want the child's parentage mentioned but he seemed to be alone with the knowledge. It was just as well, as it was in the child's best interests that no one else should ever know what had happened and he felt for Hermione's tortured mind like nobody else could.
Soon Will and Hermione were alone again since the other occupants were very respectful of Hermione's personal space and didn't crowd her with excitement.
Will noticed a slight cloud pass over Hermione's expression as she looked down at her son.
"It will be all right you know, you will make a good mother." Will said.
"How would you know?" Hermione almost snapped.
"My father used to like fishing and he would have loved it if I had enjoyed it too, doesn't work like that though."
"So?"
"I am a Muggle gifted Hermione," Will tried again, hoping that she would understand without him having to spell it out.
Hermione seemed to have understood; at least Will thought that must be why she had suddenly paled in colour and looked shocked.
Hermione seemed unable to speak so Will continued, "A child is as good as his upbringing, no less. Live for today and don't keep thinking of the past, it wasn't your fault."
"Yes," Hermione managed to agree, "But it is not that easy."
Will then did what he didn't now want to do, he wanted to keep quiet and keep something for himself for once but he was too decent for that in the end, "Ron told me that he still loves you, he's young and has been full of unforgiving attitudes but I believe he is ready to put it all aside and be a bit more mature."
"He wants me?" Hermione asked hopefully.
"Yes, very much," Will confirmed knowing that it was time to leave, "I'll leave you to rest now."
"Yes," Hermione said.
Will stood up and made for the door.
"Come back and visit soon." Hermione called out to Will as he left, he knew that he would visit Hogwarts regularly, but he didn't know if it would be wise to be so close to Hermione ever again.
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Severus and Harry lay together on the rug in front of the living room fire.
"We're lying here with no clothes on and Will might come back at any minute," Harry said with a mischievous glint in his eye.
"I doubt it, he'll still be up in Gryffindor for some time I think," Severus replied.
Though they had a bit of fun Harry noted that his Kin was once more looking a little wistful and quite reflective, like he had something heavy praying on his mind.
"What is the matter Severus? I don't like to see you like this," Harry tried to persuade.
"It is nothing I assure you," Severus attempted to side step.
Harry gave Severus a Snape like glower.
"Nothing to worry about in this dimension anyway," Severus gave in, "I was just thinking about something that happened just before we left last year that's all."
"What was it?" Harry persisted.
"It was the Talisman, Albus had me access a dimension with it, to check that I could get in you understand."
"Go on."
"I was thinking about it because of Draco, how I have ended up helping him."
"What was in this dimension?"
"The Dark Lord was alive, I accessed a moment in the timeline in the summer after your fifth year I believe. I saw myself, maybe it was a mistake to do so, I have managed to push it to the back of my mind until recently."
"What did you see?"
"I was making a promise, a promise to protect Draco, I think I might have still been a Death Eater, at least the other Death Eaters thought I was. It was Draco's mother who asked me to protect him." Severus explained.
"Did you check further?"
"Yes, I looked back, glimpses further and further back and I found one very big difference in this other dimension."
"Yes?"
"I had no brother, all the support and love I received from Valarius just didn't exist, I was a Death Eater when I was young, an average one at that. There was no Kin and I was never stronger than the Dark Lord. I did not come to Hogwarts full of vengeance and was never imprisoned here by Albus."
"It must have been so lonely to be an only child," Harry sympathised, thinking that he knew what it felt like to be alone.
"That is not all, in that dimension if I return to the Death Eaters as a loyal follower and the Kin never existed then how are you ever going to defeat the Dark Lord?" Severus pondered.
"Can we help them?" Harry asked.
"Perhaps we shouldn't interfere, perhaps it is too late, perhaps I should leave well alone but how can I abandon a Harry in another dimension, even if he is not my Kin. This is the problem; we cannot look to the future in any dimension to test the consequences of our actions. Perhaps all will be well in the end. Perhaps all is already lost. Although perhaps nothing is ever lost when time can be traversed."
Harry held a hand to the Talisman that remained bandaged around his chest, he knew that sometime soon they would visit this other dimension and then they would see what could be done.
"To think that there was a Snarky Snape somewhere that was worse than you," Harry teased his Kin.
Severus gave Harry one of the trademark glowers that just didn't frighten him anymore.
"But for now we must concentrate on our own dimension," Severus continued, "Draco's father may well be alive and Draco is in no position to protect himself, and so, promise or no promise, I shall have to be like a father to him."
"Do you think Draco's father will come looking for him?" Harry asked.
"Who knows what he is doing now, maybe it will be ten years before we will see him again, maybe his need to find and control Draco will be greater than that."
"This potion will help Draco though won't it?"
"Yes, if I am correct in my research it should act quickly and be much more resilient against the curse than the first one, he might just be able to live a little."
"Hmm, he had better behave himself."
"Don't worry Harry, I think he knows now what will happen to him if he crosses you."
Harry and Severus heard the opening of the outer door at the same time and they had just managed to pull some clothes over themselves when Will came into the living room.
"Right, I'll just go sit in the office for a few minutes shall I?" Will said backing up through the bookcase doors again.
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Will kept Ron and Draco at Sgoil Dhubh until Draco could get back on his feet again but it was agreed that Draco would become too much of a responsibility when he could foolishly stray beyond the ward boundaries at any moment. Thus it was only after a few days of taking the potion that Ron summoned Severus and Harry back to Sgoil Dhubh with an owl.
When Severus and Harry arrived they went straight through to the living room where they found both Draco and Ron sitting on a sofa together.
"Where is Will?" Severus asked.
"He's gone off to the shops," Ron answered, "He should be back soon."
"How are you doing?" Severus asked Draco as soon as they all had a cup of tea and had sat down.
"The potion seems to be working very well, though my leg still drags a bit."
"The one that was broken?" Severus asked.
"Yes."
"Well, I have done my best, it was broken and the sharp edges were damaging the tissues around them for some time before you were found."
"This is it?"
"Exercise the leg, it has also been immobile for quite a while, it may help." Severus advised.
Draco was halfway across the hallway with Severus and Harry close behind him when Will returned with his shopping.
"Hey you're up!" Will commented as soon as he saw Draco dressed and on the move, albeit with one crutch still heavily leant on.
"Yes." Draco answered with some warmth; proximity to Will had at last softened his opinion of at least one Muggle.
"We'll be taking those two home with us," Harry told Will, "So you can have some peace or you could come with us for a few days."
"I think a day or two on my own might be best," Will replied, thinking of Ron and his inevitable meeting with Hermione and her newborn. He had done the honourable thing but he had no inclination to watch as events unfolded.
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Will watched from the gate as Harry, Severus, Ron and Draco all disappeared into thin air, then he trudged his way up the garden path and back into the house. He went through to the kitchen and extricated a bottle of whiskey from amongst the grocery shopping he still hadn't put away and took it to the living room.
Will sat on the sofa and threw away all the cushions that Ron had been fond of using with some irritation before slumping back into the depths without any intentions of emerging soon. He opened the bottle of whiskey and took a long swig as a tear formed in his eye.
"Shit!" Will hissed as he wiped away the moisture.
From the back of the room the CD player started up on its own, 'If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me…'. Will took another swig, Alexian was back and it didn't frighten him anymore but he still wasn't in the mood for talking. He took the remote control and turned the music off hoping that the spirit would take the hint and come back in the morning.
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Ron and Draco were both taken back up to the Headmaster's quarters and they sat down on one of the sofas staying well clear of the one that Harry and Severus preferred.
"Don't get too comfortable you two, you're not stopping here," Severus warned as he took his place at his desk.
Harry looked to his Kin with surprise, "They're not?"
"No, I have enjoyed the peace of the last few days."
"Sev, you're not throwing them out."
"No, I'm not, they can go into the attic for the time being."
"Weren't we going to use that as a classroom?" Harry objected.
"Yes, but I don't want students trekking through here till it's absolutely necessary and we'll only really need it when our time has almost come. I will transfigure some furniture and so on presently. Any more objections?"
Ron and Draco looked at each other and found they were both thinking the same thing, "No." They said in unison.
"I think it will be good for them to have their own space and we both need our sleep with the term about to start." Harry agreed.
"Well there we are then, I will not have my living space messed up again is that clear? You may have your little soirées up there but you must keep it tidy." Severus commanded.
Harry wondered if he wasn't taking the father role a little too much to heart.
Ron and Draco weren't bothered about how Severus was speaking to them any longer however and readily accepted their new accommodation.
"And if you leave these quarters," Severus warned next, "Especially Draco, I want you back by eleven, no later."
"This is ridiculous!" Ron at last snapped.
"These are dangerous times, I want to know that if it gets to eleven at night and you are not here that something has definitely happened to you. You too Harry."
Ron grinned at Harry being included in the regulations.
"I have no wish to stray from you that late at night Sev," Harry replied. "You must be home too."
"How are you supposed to patrol the castle for students if you're both hiding in here?" Ron argued.
"We will patrol together, of course." Severus announced.
"Of course, silly me." Ron glowered.
"I can't leave anyway, not looking like this," Draco grumbled.
"Well we can sort that out can't we," Severus said and with a flick of his wand he turned Draco back into Oliver Wood.
"Fabulous!" Draco complained now sounding rather Scottish.
"I can't drink with that!" Ron complained.
"I am sure you will find some way of getting your head around it, now off you go. Try and transfigure your own furniture while you're up there, it will be much needed practise and will save me having to do it."
Ron turned to Draco.
"Don't look at me, I don't have a wand anymore," Draco pointed out as he pulled himself to his feet, "Why can't I have my wand back?" he pouted.
"Do you really need me to answer that Draco?" Severus asked as he moved to his desk by the window.
"Maybe we can get the house elves to steal us some stuff from Ikea, that place Will told us about," Ron suggested to Draco as they made their way up the stairs.
"What was that?" Severus called to them.
"Just discussing what we need." Ron answered.
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A few hours later Ron and Draco were relaxing on their own beds in their own room. Draco had obtained some drink through the fire and they were enjoying their first glass in their new home.
"Nice wand work Ron." Draco complemented.
"I didn't realise the stuff would come in bits," Ron mused, "I didn't think the house elves would get it all put together before Severus came to check up on us."
"Well we made it," Draco observed, "Now he'll get a shock when he comes up."
Right on cue Ron and Draco then heard footsteps on the attic stairs, they both sat up and hid their glasses under their beds.
Severus entered the attic closely followed by Harry and was suitably stunned. In addition to the two beds there were bookcases and two study desks, both beds had screens that could be pulled across for privacy. There were two sofas and a coffee table in front of the fire.
"Well, I see you have everything in order, well done, I will leave you to it," Severus said making his exit with his Kin following behind.
As soon as the Kin were gone Draco and Ron retrieved their drinks and went to sit on their new sofas.
"So when are you going to speak to Hermione?" Draco asked.
Ron twisted his face in reluctance, "I know what I said but it's not that easy is it, it is Hermione after all."
"Pathetic, you want her, you have to talk to her." Draco attempted to push Ron.
"Right, easy for you to say, I think I need to work up a bit of courage first, can you pass me the bottle?"
"And then?" Draco nagged.
"Maybe in a few days." Ron said looking as if he would rather jump off a cliff.
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The next day the Kin were up early. Harry was bright and refreshed but Severus slumped in the chair at his desk and appeared weighed down.
"Sev?" Harry called and Severus could tell by the look in his Kin's eye that he was worrying him again.
"I am fine, it's just we are opening as a school soon and I am the Headmaster, I will have to make a speech." Severus replied.
Harry looked at the parchment in front of Severus and noted that it was almost blank.
"I will help you with it later," Harry offered.
"Later?" Severus queried.
"Later yes, I thought I might pop up to Gryffindor to see the baby."
"Ah, so this is what it takes to get you to go back to Gryffindor."
"Is that all right, do you mind?" Harry asked with irresistible pleading eyes.
"No, of course I don't mind Harry, if that is what you want to do. I will just stay here fighting with this a bit longer."
"Leave it," Harry insisted as he made for the door, "We'll do it together later."
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When Harry reached Gryffindor tower he realised that he no longer knew the password, he had no choice but to knock and wait to see if anybody answered.
When the door eventually opened Hermione was standing in the doorway with her wand drawn.
"Harry!" She said with obvious surprise as she lowered her wand.
"Can I come in?" Harry asked in an apologetic manner.
Hermione stepped aside and let Harry into the Gryffindor common room, which was exactly as he remembered it apart from all the pre school children that now lived there. The children were all sat on a play mat and there was somebody reading to them. Harry had to squint when he saw what he thought he saw.
"Lockhart," Hermione confirmed, "Though completely memory free he can still read and he does a great job of looking after the children, along with everything else he also forgot how to be bad."
"Is he looking after your child?" Harry asked.
"Oh no," Hermione answered as she led the way up to her room, "I wouldn't trust him with a baby."
"Tea?" Hermione asked as they settled by the fire and Harry looked around.
"Yes please," Harry answered as he spotted the crib by Hermione's bed.
Harry resisted the urge to go straight over to see the baby.
"Stop looking so bloody nervous and relax," Hermione criticised, "This is your old room, did you notice?"
Harry looked around again, "No I didn't, I wasn't really paying attention when we came up the stairs."
The tea arrived and Harry accepted a biscuit too but he found it impossible to relax.
"Go and see him," Hermione said becoming resigned to the true nature of Harry's visit, "But leave your tea with me and don't wake him, he's just been fed and he's asleep."
Harry didn't need anything further; he went over to the crib and looked down at the little sleeping baby. Harry felt his heart fill with the same feelings that had come to him the first time he had held the child and he reached out a hand to stroke the child's hand.
"Harry!" Hermione warned from the other side of the room.
"I'm not doing anything!" Harry insisted.
Harry forced himself to leave the child after a little while; he wanted to make sure that Hermione would allow him to come back.
"Can I look after him sometimes?" Harry asked after he had been sat back at the fire for a few minutes, "I could look after him while you went down to the library sometimes."
Hermione frowned, "What would make me trust you with him Harry?"
"I won't run off with him if that's what you think, I only held him for a little while. I am expecting my own and I have never held a baby before." Harry defended as he felt tears come to his eyes.
"Oh please don't start crying again!" Hermione said with some irritation.
"I can't help it, didn't you when you were pregnant?"
Hermione sighed, "I suppose I did."
Harry sniffed.
"What if I went to the library now? If I leave the two of you together for an hour or so, can you manage to watch over him without doing anything weird?"
Harry's eyes brightened immeasurably, "Yes, I'll look after him, I won't take him out of Gryffindor, I'll look after him as if he were my own."
Hermione frowned again, "No Harry, you will look after him as if he were mine and you will give him back again."
"That was what I meant." Harry pouted huffily.
Once Hermione had gone Harry pulled one of the armchairs over so that he could sit beside the crib. It was a real force of willpower but he managed not to lay a finger on Hermione's baby.
Harry didn't know how long he had been sitting staring at the baby when he heard a knock on the main door below. A few seconds later there was another knock that confirmed to Harry that nobody else downstairs was allowed to answer the door to those who didn't know the current password.
Harry took out his map; he was torn between going to the door and staying with the baby. When he looked at the map he saw that it was Severus and that decided the matter for him, he went downstairs to let his Kin into the tower.
"What happened to the speech?" Harry asked as Severus warily entered the common room.
"I took your advice and I am leaving it for now, where is Hermione?"
"She has gone out," Harry said with a twinkle in his eye, "And she had left me with the baby, come on up."
Severus' eyes brightened at the thought of being at close quarters with a baby, he followed Harry up the stairs.
When Harry returned to his position by the crib the baby had woken and was moving an arm. Severus moved the other armchair to sit beside the crib on the opposite side to Harry.
Soon the little baby was moving both his arms and his eyes were wide open. Both Severus and Harry watched his every move completely transfixed.
"What is she calling him?" Severus asked.
"Kieran," Harry answered without lifting up his head.
"Any family connection?"
"Not that I know of."
"It is quite a decent choice, better than I was expecting."
Harry smiled, "Do not bitch about his mother while he can't defend her."
Kieran responded by placing a fist in his mouth and whimpering slightly.
"That is so cute." Harry observed.
"No, he is hungry." Severus amended.
"He can't be, Hermione said that she had just fed him."
"That's what they do when they're hungry," Severus insisted.
Harry frowned, "I want to look after him well so Hermione will let me do it again."
"What instructions did she give?" Severus asked.
"Don't wake him up and don't run off with him."
"Very comprehensive I don't think," Severus complained.
As if to press the point Kieran whimpered a bit more loudly.
"If he's hungry we have to feed him but I don't know how, we can't just leave him crying."
"I will hold him, see for sure that he doesn't just want to be held." Severus suggested.
Severus picked Kieran up out of the crib and Harry recognised the technique and care he took from all the books he had been reading. Kieran continued to whimper and he opened and closed his mouth.
"He's definitely hungry," Severus concluded before passing the baby to Harry, "I have been developing the formula and I know it will be perfect."
Severus took out his wand and transfigured one of the teacups into a bottle of baby milk.
"You can't give him that, Hermione is feeding him the other way," Harry protested.
"Well she isn't here and my formulation is guaranteed to contain all the right nutrients and has a few charms cast on it besides," Severus insisted.
Harry let Severus take Kieran in his arms and Severus held the bottle to the baby's lips. The baby accepted the bottle and immediately began to suck. Severus settled himself into the armchair feeling very pleased that the child had taken to him and his milk so readily.
Harry sat in an armchair too and watched Severus at work; he didn't think he had seen his Kin so happy when it wasn't all his own doing. Severus removed the bottle and held it at a short distance to see if Kieran wanted any more. He outstretched his tiny hand and a small dim light emitted from his finger; the bottle slipped from Severus' hand and the teat was once more in Kieran's mouth.
Severus was glowing, "He is a wizard child, no mistake about it."
"I didn't realise that you could tell so soon." Harry admitted.
"Well mostly it wouldn't show for a while but this one is going to be a strong one." Severus observed.
Harry watched Severus and Kieran for a while longer but then the air chilled and he was aware of a presence, when he looked up Hermione was glaring in their general direction.
"Ah Hermione," Harry mumbled.
Harry knew that Hermione had not said anything about Severus but he nevertheless got the feeling that she would have done if she had thought about it at the time.
"Kieran can do magic, he just took the bottle on his own." Harry added hoping to deflect Hermione's thoughts from the fact that Kieran was in Severus' arms.
Harry quickly became aware that it was about the worst thing he could have told Hermione and Severus was so engrossed he had not even realised that she was there.
"How dare you?" She blew up, "How dare you steal moments from me?" She continued to shriek and Severus at last looked up.
"He is my child," Hermione continued striding towards Severus. She noticed the bottle, "What have you been feeding him?"
"It is normal milk Hermione, we wouldn't do anything that wasn't right." Harry offered, Severus seemed to have lost his voice as he sat silently with the baby still cradled to his chest.
"I left him with you Harry, I told myself I was being paranoid to come back early, but here you are. I haven't been gone half an hour and you have given my child to HIM."
"Hey!" Harry said standing up, "I followed all your directions but Kieran woke up and he was hungry."
"That does not explain how he ended up with HIM."
"That is my Kin you are talking about." Harry warned.
"What are you going to do? Kill me in front of my child?" Hermione demanded as she stood immediately in front of Severus, "Give me my child!" She demanded.
It didn't help Hermione's mood that Severus was rather reluctant to give up his charge, but he didn't make a tug of war out of it. When Hermione had her baby in her arms once more she checked him over as if she believed he might be damaged. She then placed the baby back in the crib before once more turning her anger on the Kin.
"I will not have this again, you will not come to Gryffindor again Harry," Hermione continued to rant, "I trusted you."
"Nothing has occurred here today that betrayed that trust, Severus is more competent than you are, at least he didn't leave the child crying." Harry accused.
Kieran had indeed begun to cry and Hermione had not even heard him. She scooped him up in her arms, "What have you done to him?" She demanded of Severus in order to cover her negligence. The child continued to wail.
"You placed him in the crib without loosening his wind first, he has just had a full bottle," Severus muttered quietly, "He only needs to be upright."
"You gave him a full bottle of that muck? I had only just fed him; I wouldn't be surprised if he were sick all tonight. Get out!" Hermione shrieked at Severus, "I don't want you anywhere near my child ever again do you hear, get out!"
Harry was furious and would have quite happily screamed at Hermione if she hadn't had the baby. Severus pulled himself to his feet looking broken in spirit; Hermione had insulted him in the very worst way possible. Harry was about to call out to his Kin when he suddenly fled from the room in a flurry of cloak.
Once more Harry was left in the position where he had to decide whether to follow his Kin or stay behind to defend his honour. Severus had a tendency to run away and hide somewhere safe when he was upset and so Harry turned on Hermione instead.
Hermione was expecting Harry's response though and she held the baby like a human shield. It seemed to work, Harry found that he had no desire to use his sword. It wasn't even as if he was resisiting the temptation to do so, somehow he just didn't want to respond in that way. Harry frowned, it was strange and he would have to ask Severus about it before long.
"Go on," Hermione goaded Harry, "I dare you. Draw your sword on me and prove to me that Severus Snape is just as evil as we always thought he was. Give me the tired old Kin response."
Harry stood speechless for a second and when Hermione realised that Harry didn't have a ready answer to her challenge she continued.
"Is it my words that stay your hand or is it Kieran here? Has the curse Snape cast upon you changed you so much Harry? Is there a scrap of decency left in you? You would protest that Snape is not evil but do you even realise what you have become?"
"He is not, we've done this before, he is not, he saved me."
"Is this the same Harry who had every opportunity to kill Wormtail and didn't, couldn't commit murder?"
"I am still Harry, what would you have me do?" Harry spluttered.
Hermione lowered a voice a little, "Is this the same Harry who said he could never forgive Snape, what of Sirius, Harry, do you even remember what Snape did?"
"Of course I remember," Harry was forced to admit, "But it wasn't as if he used his own wand, Sev wasn't even there that night."
"Where was he Harry? Where was your Kin that night?"
"He wasn't my Kin then." Harry argued.
"You are a murderer Harry, he has turned you into a ruthless murderer who cares for nothing else but his Kin, what could have led you down that path if not a curse? You have killed mercilessly and taken no prisoners, you didn't even attempt to did you? You give no thought for who you were before. How could Albus have demanded such a price? You have given yourself to the man you always hated from the minute he first spoke to you. I don't know who you are anymore, you are like another man in the body of a friend I once loved and then lost."
"I carry his child with more pride than I have ever known in my life!" Harry defended.
"We were all right when we were together, us three. Nothing mattered as long as we remained friends and had our moments," Hermione began to lament, giving up on pointing out all of Severus' faults for a moment, "You were lost to us Harry. I thought we would be together till the end, whatever else happened, but then you just disappeared and we were on our own. We didn't know whether you were alive or dead, Albus insisted that he didn't know where you had gone. You left us Harry and the world fell apart, my family and Ron's, countless others that we knew died. All we could do was wait as they all fell around us. All those wizards who were powerful deserted us and some of the last hopes we had left were that Albus would be with us forever, that you would come home and that Snape would not turn out to be the evil Death Eater we always knew that he was. Within months it all fell away, all hope was shattered and we didn't know how anything could ever be right again, Snape began turning before the summer holiday was even up, by Christmas there was no doubt that he was against us in every way, you were lost to us and then Albus," Hermione began to sob at the mention of Albus Dumbledore, "Though you say that he is dead I just can't believe it, one day he was just gone and he never came back."
"Hermione, I would have died if I had stayed, you know that. I didn't want to go either but it was war. You have to stop this or else they have won, you have to get it through your thick skull that Albus was pretending to be Snape in order to protect us, the evil you saw in him wasn't real. It seems that Albus Dumbledore made rather a good job of pretending to be evil, but sacrifices had to be made. Dumbledore sacrificed himself so that I could live to fight another day."
Hermione was crying in earnest now and made no more protest apart from woefully shaking her head.
"Let's say that you are right and that it was wrong for Severus to make me his Kin, I don't mind at all and I am still capable of being your friend, I know it. We've discussed this before. You have never given Severus a chance, look how you spoke to him just now, he did nothing to deserve any of what you threw at him, not a thing. Where has my Hermione gone is what I wonder day after day. I just don't understand Hermione, what it is you expect me to do?"
"You don't understand, you don't know," Hermione blurted out between sobs.
"Well at least we can agree on something! So tell me!" Harry challenged, "Or else the evil Death Eaters have won after all. Tell me and let's put an end to this. Then you can be with Ron again and I can come to tea and play chess, and the rest can be rebuilt."
Harry knew what always made him feel better when he was upset and so he took a chance and approached Hermione, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders for a second, hugging her to him and then he let her go. He felt no resentment towards her even after all that she had said, not so much as a twinge of anger, it worried Harry a little. He would normally have been very hesitant about being close to anybody but his Kin, even without the current circumstances. Hermione remained silent but still crying; she seemed to deflate, like something like her strength had just slithered out through her feet.
"I am so tired," Hermione said quietly as she shuffled over to the crib and placed Kieran into it, "Why should I care anymore."
Hermione went over to a bookcase by her desk next and took what Harry recognised to be a Pensieve from one of the shelves. She sat down at her desk and began to use her wand to place memories into the Pensieve, one by one.
"Do you know how long it has been since anybody reached out a hand to me Harry?" Hermione spoke as she filled the Pensieve, "That Will friend has been like a ray of sunshine. And you, now, I don't know what to make of it."
"See, I can even make friends with a Muggle whilst I am a Kin, think about it," Harry pointed out while he had the chance.
Hermione seemed to become more upset after she had seemed to calm a little, "You didn't try to kill me," She muttered before beginning to cry again.
"I didn't know that it would mean that much to you," Harry replied thinking that Hermione really was quite insane.
"Did you want to?" Hermione asked.
"No actually, which is weird considering what you said."
This seemed to confirm all of Hermione's worst fears somehow; she looked anguished and desolate, though Harry couldn't figure it out at all.
"You want to know what I have experienced and what I fear and what I despise, then take this Pensieve," Hermione spoke as she finished loading the Pensieve with her wand. "You can have the memories of everything I have seen in this war, I don't want it in my head anymore. You can see how I fear for my child and what might happen if certain things are known. You will know those things, then we will see what will happen. You see what I know of Severus and then see if even your heart isn't turned."
Harry made no effort to take the Pensieve, now that Hermione was offering it to him he felt somewhat frightened of it, "You have no evidence that would make me feel badly of my Kin." Harry protested to Hermione's assertion. However, he had to wonder what on earth she could be hiding if she had kept it secret all this time.
Hermione stood up with the Pensieve held in both her hands, she was still crying, "Take it!" She insisted holding it out to Harry.
Harry rather reluctantly took it from her; he could hardly refuse after all that she had said.
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Coming Soon: Chapter 43: Truth or Lust: Summary: Join Harry, Severus and Ron as they journey through the memories in Hermione's Pensieve in order to find out what on earth is going on in that girl's head. Warning: There is a new hetro pairing in the next chapter and no I'm not telling. You'll just have to read the end before the beginning if you have to know.