Dark bronzed orbs looked to and fro between the children he was sitting in the midst of. Listening to his still relatively new peers talk amongst themselves like he had learned they like to do without interruption. All the while he kept to himself , patiently waiting for the eventual break in conversation so that maybe he could finally have some input towards the group that still hadn't somehow been granted to him.

His hands picked at the grass in boredom around him , doing his best to try and keep up with the conversations happening between the other kids but they would either be something too unknown to his understanding , or the volume they spoke at would be too quiet for him to catch wind.

A low sigh left him , looking up briefly from viewing his lap again and viewing the kids who were still in the midst of talking. Though he did see them stop gradually when they felt his attention , all that was given to him in response was an unreadable look , and a gesture to be patient between him and the oldest child of the group Marik , to which he obliged to in dejection.

Though…As he was left in the process of waiting again for the other children to finally finish their 'older kid' discussions , a thought crossed his head again which he couldn't ignore anymore. A thought that had crossed his mind since the first time he had actually been able to make acquaintance with these kids. And all the times after that too.

That thought which just spurned deeper into his mind with each encounter he had with his friends now.

The thought being…

How his expectations of having friends would be , it just didn't meet with the reality presented to him.

How he thought that once he would make friends that he would be so happy and they would make his dimming world bright again. That they would bring more colours and emotions to his life. More that he could look forward to , and more that he could find hope in.

But that didn't feel like the case.

Each time he met with his friends , it felt like something was somehow being sapped away from him. Each time he tried to oblige to the rules of their friendship , there was an uncomfortable pull inside him and it would leave him feeling funny until the next time they would meet , and he would try to brush those emotions over but they would come back at full force when he would be left in the depths of his mind.

Why was this feeling like this?

Was this actually what friendships entailed?

The azure haired boy couldn't help but wonder to himself as he pulled his knees into himself , wrapping his arms around his body and rested his head on his arms as he concealed the look of dejection that he could feel forming on him. He felt the summer breeze blow against him , brushing against his slightly uncovered bangs and cold face as he felt the warm heat beating down on him.

His eyes trained on the grassy floor underneath him , simply giving him something to look at as his mind was lost in the midst of thoughts yet again , about how everything was for him and how odd it all felt in regards to what he had known.

His friends , they were rather strange in his eyes if he had to admit. They weren't anything like how he would have thought them to be. They usually spoke between themselves , sometimes making looks between each other and when he would be curious and ask why , he would be met with the same answer over and over.

That he wouldn't understand it.

And maybe that was true. Maybe he wouldn't understand it. He didn't understand a lot of things , due to how estranged he had been to the world and just life as a normal kid like all of them. Due to how much he had been kept in the dark about so much. He already knew he wouldn't understand much.

But that didn't mean he didn't want to.

However…He found trying to push that desire didn't do anything in his favour. It would either be ignored or Marik would tell him that he would know 'someday' , which made him infer that maybe it was something they would reveal to him at a later date.

What that could be which they kept between themselves did intrigue him to some extent , and he couldn't help but wonder what importance and interest it must have held since the older kids spoke about it between themselves so much. It must have been something really interesting if he had to deduce , considering how much they would speak about it.

He always noticed them break away from the friend group at some point of time to have those 'older kid' discussions in his presence.

But if he didn't focus on that certain queer dynamic with his friends , there was also other things that didn't really make sense to him and also made him feel more left out alongside them.

Such as the fact , when he would be finally included in things , there would be discussion about things which he had no understanding of and couldn't decipher anything from. Not to mention when they would do things together , like playing games between each other and such , the games that they would play would be too hard for him to keep up with , or he would be ultimately deemed bad at the ones he had a bare chance at.

Well that's what he was told about from his efforts.

Whether it was playing games like tag , hide and seek , I spy or other things he had come to learn through them , he always found himself at the losing end of the deal. Even though he would try so hard and would prepare himself so that he would finally become victor and show his capability , somehow even after all of that he would find himself made a dunce.

As he apparently didn't understand the rules like he should have.

And there were also times that when he would play with them , he would find himself usually at the receiving end of some harm at the hands of one of the kids. Somehow being pushed , stepped on , barged or kicked , but he would be told that it must have happened without noticing or by accident.

Which wasn't unbelievable , yet he still had some form of scepticism about.

But since he had no proof , he couldn't just blame them.

And he would dismiss it just as innocent accidents like he had been told.

Even if they were alarmingly frequent.

However even if he excluded those factors , there was also the fact that his friends were interested in things that he wasn't too sure about. One instance that struck clear in him was when one of the kids had brought around this small brown stick with them.

A stick that didn't take him too long to recognise that he saw from some time ago when it was made to resemble the thing he could recall.

It was that stick that he remembered one of those disgusting rat faced men sucking from and puffing out toxic smoke. It was that stick that glowed brightly at it's end before releasing fumes that had his lungs feeling weak when he was first in the presence of it. It was that stick that emitted a smell that he came to also realise had a similar lingering stench to some of those men that he would witness coming to his home and seeing his mother.

The kids had that sort of stick with them.

And he couldn't understand why they would want anything to do with something like that?

But when he voiced his concerns regarding the item , he noticed the mood turned instantly sour and so did the looks on him too. Making him feel that he had said something wrong for voicing an issue against what was of their interest. Some of the kids (notably the light haired guys) have taken a dislike to his attitude and made the air between them stir thick from the disagreement.

Only the atmosphere somewhat cleared when Marik came and mediated the group like he usually did. And also dispelled the doubts regarding that stick which he had been looking warily at when he saw it in the older kid's grasp.

Marik told him it was something that 'only cool kids' did.

And that if you wanted to be cool , then you needed to try it at least.

To which he didn't know how that made sense , but he didn't have time to question it as he somehow found himself at the end of circumstances where the kids went and took their own sucks of the stick and passed it around. Eventually handing it to him and expecting him to do the same.

Which did happen at some point after bouts of hesitance and looks were thrown his way. Along with incessant edging from the kids who said that 'he had to' , to be one of them. And for some reason he eventually did follow the crowd , he didn't know why , he couldn't think then with all the pressure.

But if it would make him seem like them then he thought 'what was the harm?'

And Marik said it wasn't so bad and he would get used to it , so he trusted his word.

Though as soon as he did take his initial puff of the fat brown stick , he instantly wished he didn't.

Even though it happened quite a number of days ago , he could still feel that ragged cough that shook him when he finally succumbed to the order.

Absolutely despising the feeling and taste it left in his mouth , nearly retching straight after as the bitter aftertaste pervaded in his mouth with an uncomfortable smoke that threatened to choke him. Spluttering out pathetically to do what he could to get rid of that unwanted taste , and from doing so deeming him unworthy of being amongst the 'cooler kids' as there was no way he would be trying that like Marik , Zekiel and Lars did.

Marik did try to tell him that he would get used to it and he should give it another shot , but after that horrible reaction , he had no intention of taking another suck . He had proven his mettle enough with one try , and that's what they had told him was enough to be one of them.

To which the leader did agree , even so if he had a hint of irritation when saying so. Though Jellal didn't understand why that was. Was it because he didn't want to try again with the stick thing and Marik wanted him to? Or was it because of something else?

Though he didn't really have time to think much about that instance as after the ebony haired boy didn't show that vivid hostility again.

Well not that he could notice if he had to be frank. The older boy seemed to remediate his behaviour by being more considerate and sending those still strangely deep looking smiles , smiles that the bluenet couldn't help but feel something off about them but he couldn't tell what.

But the honey eyed male wasn't someone vicious against him , like he had been in their first ever encounter which was something he could be thankful for. Even though that day still did pester his thoughts , especially in the presence of his new friends and addle him to no end about questions that still had yet to be answered , he thought best to avoid conversation regarding that matter as they were trying to make amends from it.

Well he could tell Marik certainly was.

Even though there were some points of time when he would think him to be dubious too.

As Marik did make the effort to get closer to him , smile at him and get him involved with things when he could see that he felt left out. He spoke to him the most too and he was the one Jellal felt probably had the most weight in his words and actions. And he could see that there was a clear goal the older boy was trying to accomplish through his avid efforts.

So even with the sparse doubts he would have towards him , Jellal considered it all just paranoia and anxiety. As there was clearly effort being made for their bond and he could respect that.

However he didn't know if he could say it for the rest of the group.

Such as when the other kids would still somehow keep a distance from him. Staring at him with eyes of uncertainty that he didn't understand. A lot of them were rather hesitant to say a word his way. It wasn't fear like the first time , but there was something there that he could feel , but he was told by the ebony haired male 'they were just shy'.

To which he wanted to know why they were shy , but Marik told him it was best for him to leave those sorts of conversations for later , until they started speaking to him more out of their own account.

Which did kind of peeve him , but since the one who knew them the most and that he could tell they all respected was saying such , he thought it was best to abide by his advice and try not to upset the natural dynamic of things with his incessant curiosity.

Another sigh left the bluenet in boredom , his large orbs looking up from the patch of grass he had his eyes trained on to observe if the kids had finished with their confidential discussion.

But judging how he could see them huddled between themselves and had their voices lowered , it already told him the answer which he dreaded.

They hadn't.

His head turned to the side , watching the blades of grass and flowers planted nearby flowing in the warm breeze. His sight being trained on how the stalks rattled , reminding him of the memories of when he would do the same to the makeshift toy he would create for his feline friend's delight.

Hazel.

And how they would spend hours on end just playing with one another , even with the bare minimum they had and still make something out of the day. His bronze orbs dimmed with sadness as he thought about his fluffy companion , how he hadn't seen her as much as he wanted , due to both giving precedence to his new friends for his attention and because he didn't see the cat as much anymore.

He felt bad for doing that.

Really bad.

Hazel was there for him so much , and just because others claimed to want his presence , he made the cat a second priority. Sometimes not even being able to see it at all as his time would be taken up by the others.

It was so awful of him.

His eyes glazed over in unshed guilt , lips pursing tightly on themselves as the cute face of his friend came to mind. Causing a pull in his beating heart as he deeply missed her and wanted to be with her again.

Because with Hazel , even if she didn't speak to him like a human , and there was barely much that they could do , he didn't feel as lonely with her. He didn't feel as lonely as he did now.

Wasn't that so ironic?

That he felt so much more ease and belonging in the presence of a creature who couldn't even communicate with him in the way he would have preferred , than children who were his age and just a bit older. Plentiful in numbers , yet somehow making him feel so alone and abandoned alongside.

'I want to go and find Hazel…'

He thought to himself as he thought that his presence had been made to wait long enough. Finally shifting from the spot he had been made to stay idle at , the bluenet started to brush off his clothing , which seemed to grab the attention of the oldest boy as he turned around from his huddle and looked at the young child.

"Hey Fernandes, where you going?"

Marik asked promptly , getting the azure haired boy's attention as his features stilled , almost like he had been caught doing something wrong even though the tone that the older boy addressed him with didn't show any explicit hostility.

"M-Marik-"

He couldn't stop himself from stuttering , due to the eyes that he could feel focused on him as all the heads turned in his direction and were registered instantly. He swallowed thickly as he got ready to announce his departure from the group for the day , when suddenly he was cut off by the older boy's words again.

"Oh…"

"We've been speaking quite a bit without you again isn't it?"

The honey-eyed boy remarked , drawing out his words as his sight pinned the bluenet under his unmoving gaze. A quick look flashing across his face that Jellal could barely notice before spreading that grin of his that he came to know as he turned fully towards the young child with intent in keeping him put.

"Sorry about that."

"Why don't you come and join the conversation?"

The older boy finished with patting the grass beside him , beckoning for the innocent boy to come and sit near his grasp , light eyes hardening with the more the offer was made to wait for acceptance as another spew of command came from his lips.

"Come on , don't keep us waiting."

Feeling the pressure again , Jellal dismissed his previous train of thought and went to sit with the kids again , feeling a weird tightness in his heart as he did so. But he warded that anxiety away with putting a shaky smile on his face as he came in between them and sat beside the honey eyed boy before he was brought into the midst of their discussion.

"So…We were talking about what we liked to do-"

"And how you seem to be bad at all of it."

"And chicken out from the good stuff..."

The interjection made by Lars and Zekiel caused his features to sullen , though that was brushed away from notice as he felt his shoulders being heavily patted by the ebony haired male who took precedence again in the conversation.

"But then I realised that we don't really know what you like to do."

"So what interests you Fernandes?"

Again it was with his last name. Something that he realised that he was only called by but he didn't understand why. Everyone else had the privilege of being called by their first name , he also did that for them too. But when it came to him , it was always 'Fernandes' , never his actual name 'Jellal'. Though Marik had told him about the fact that it was some sort of weird custom they had in their friend group of calling their newest member by their last name until they were 'broken in'.

He had no idea what that was meant to mean , and honestly he wanted to question it. But he didn't , as his curiosity was known for getting him into trouble with things , and he didn't want to get anyone unnecessarily angry with him again.

Also it's not like being called Fernandes was a bad thing , it was another of his names at the end of the day. His family name and he should have had no shame in it. But it didn't remove the fact it did feel rather odd just being constantly referred to by it and not even his own individual name.

But it's not like there was any harm being done so maybe he was thinking too much about it.

"E-Erm…"

Thinking back to the question posed to him by the older boy , he felt those numerous sights trained on him again , having him feel strangely suffocated inside in a way as his mind somehow turned blank from such a simple query.

"W-What interests m-me…?"

He started playing with his fingers , shielding his eyes from the invading gazes as he looked down and tried to think about what it was he liked. His dark orbs following the sight of nature that was surrounding them as an answer finally started to form in his mind.

"I…I-I like n-nature…."

And more started to follow after.

"A-And watching the stars…"

"A-And the night s-sky…"

"A-And the sky in general…"

He spoke with a subtle tremble in his tone , though that started to dissipate as the passion inside him for these things he so enjoyed spoke for him instead of becoming subjected to his anxiety.

"A-And looking at animals…"

"A-And studying the world…"

"A-And playing with my cat f-friend Hazel…"

"A-And…"

As he was going on about his enjoyment , he felt that the air around them had become unnaturally silent. As if putting his words onto some unwanted pedestal , and the realisation of that made the bluenet look up from the patch of flora he had been focusing on…

Just to find that the faces of the children didn't look anywhere near as interested as he would have thought them to be.

And what he heard next solidified that thought.

"That's so fucking boring…"

Zekiel's sharp comment made him feel even more nerve wracked and honestly rather disheartened. Especially when he heard sounds of agreement coming from the other kids , making him feel as if his honest choices were somehow not worthy to be enjoyed and that he was weird for liking them.

'It's boring…?'

He felt that pull inside him which had his chest feeling uncomfortably tight again , his anxiety rooting back in him as he could feel those returning looks piercing into him. Though before he could give anymore mind and seize up as a result , he felt a nudge towards him by the courtesy of the leader , who wanted him to go on about himself.

"Anything else…?"

Marik drawled , somewhat disinterested in what he heard. This made the young bluenet swallow thickly as he thought of something else that also he did enjoy doing in his time and that wasn't just related to sight seeing or animals , since it seemed that those sorts of things weren't really of interest to normal kids.

"I-I…"

"I-I like r-reading…"

He mumbled a bit more inwardly to himself than he should have. Unsure of what reaction that would get , he didn't think to add to that just in case it would result in the same response and he would embarrass himself further.

But oddly enough he found that answer did elicit more of an interest in the children , mainly Marik who decided to delve more into that aspect the bluenet liked.

"Oh? What do you like reading?"

Jellal's eyes widened from being asked that , his heart racing already with the passion he wanted to spill about his favourite book and his favourite character that found so cool and absolutely admired and he believed that they would too because of how amazing of a hero he was.

"I-It's this book I have , it's really interesting!"

He exclaimed as a shine of delight glazed his eyes whilst a small warm smile broke through. His sights turned to the ebony haired boy that asked him , he was already thinking of what details to convey to his friends and that would get them interested in listening more about the hero like he had been.

There was so much that he could speak about , from the dark and gritty times that the people faced at the hands of the evil being called wizards , to the infamous power they held called magic and used to cause so much havoc and chaos , to how his hero beat the baddies in the book and saved everyone after going through years upon years of cruelty and torment.

The whole story was absolutely amazing!

Even though he still didn't know it in all it's entirety as a lot of the plot was still not clear to him due to his own level of comprehension and also due to the fact that he started to realise now from looking back to it recently , it seemed some parts of the story had been missing and or even obscured somehow.

Something he only realised recently when he was doing closer inspection of the book during his boredom and started to note that there were notable damages on the book , but they had been done in a way that it didn't cause immediate alarm.

To the point he thought the book must have always been like that.

With pages having been completely removed from the spine without trace of ever being there , and some pictures having been scratched out or the coloured ink having blurred to the point that the original image could not be preserved and it was left as a myriad of colours meshing on the paper , censoring what he knew to be grotesque imagery and such.

That was indeed rather strange.

And in the back of his mind he wondered why that could have been the case.

Though with that being said , even with what was missing from the story , what he had retained was still absolutely incredible to read and tell. And he was sure that once he got into relaying the details , they would understand that too.

"I-It's called The Voice of Reaso-"

He started with brimming enthusiasm , however his speech was cut off by raucous laughter that sounded from both Zekiel and Lars as they seemed to find what he was saying another amusing joke that only they understood. Jellal paused on his words as his small features folded onto themselves , evidently confused and honestly kind of hurt by that reaction.

Considering what he heard next.

"Of course someone like you would like that book!"

The comment took the bluenet off guard , completely baffled by what it was meant to mean or even refer to as the enthusiasm that had been roiling away in him came to a sudden death and was replaced with spirits of dejection.

'Someone like me?'

Why were they speaking about him like that? What was wrong with his favourite book for a comment to be made so distastefully about it? Why did they refer to it as 'that' book? There was nothing weird about it, was there?

"Shut up guys~"

Marik interjected , breaking the strange atmosphere that had stirred up between them , though this time it gave the azure haired boy no form of relief as he was starting to get that bad feeling again which had been bothering him and their words now sounded way too close to how it had been that day.

"If Fernandes likes that sort of book , there's nothing wrong with that."

The honey eyed boy mentioned , though the way that the remark was made had Jellal also confused by what was being meant by 'that' book. Even Marik was referring to it like it was something weird , and though of course he didn't make it as blatant as Lars and Zekiel were doing in their ridicule , what he heard next and the subtle tone that slithered through with it had him addled.

"I'd say it's fitting in a way honestly…"

'Fitting?'

The meaning behind those words were completely unknown to him. His eyes trained on the ebony haired boy who simply smiled at him with that deepness he didn't know what to think of , before looking over at the other children who seemed to agree with whatever Marik said before turning their sights his way.

"Anyway…"

"What else do you like to do?"

The question was posed to him again , taking the bluenet out of his train of thought as he was met with the query with no preparation. His eyes blinked as he thought of what else could be of interest to him , until something finally came to his mind which was more general if anything.

"I…I like going to t-town…"

"T-The market place specifically."

Though it was only through running errands , he did enjoy seeing the different stalls that would be propped up whenever he would go. It was always a fresh yet familiar sight , full of bustling activity and it really sucked one in. It wasn't something he could fully immerse into , but it was nice to see the dynamics around if he could without unwanted consequences.

"Really?"

Marik's voice heightened with avid surprise , almost as if he was somewhat pleased by hearing this sort of answer from the young boy. His honey eyes took on an indeterminable glint as he looked over at the child with a spreading grin over his face.

"Then how about we all go now?"

He posed with no hesitation , taking Jellal off guard by the sudden enthusiasm that laced the older boy's words. His features having tensed from the pulsing of tension he could feel in his veins as he already knew that what he was going to say would be of disappointment.

"A-Ah…I-I can't…"

He started with a low tone , already feeling the drop of energy in the group by his denial and feeling a sharpness train on him as he went on to explain the reason why he couldn't do so.

"I-I'm only allowed when I'm asked to do errands…"

He mumbled almost as if embarrassed , because he couldn't be as free with what he did like the rest of them and he was probably holding them back. And as he saw that reason register with the leader of the group , he saw the ebony haired boy's features come to a still before he spoke again in a hushed tone.

"Oh…Is it?"

Unclear to Jellal what those words had been said in.

"Well , how about we play some games now before we all say goodbye?"

Marik proposed all of a sudden with a tone completely contrary to that which the atmosphere had been left in. It didn't sit that well with the young bluenet as it once again contradicted his logic , but seeing how all the other kids were up for the idea of playing some games before departure , he decided he would do the same.

"S-Sure."

Though as he gave into his compliance to play some more with the kids , he couldn't shake off the feeling that something was feeling so off again , and that he wanted to go away as this friendship wasn't anything like he actually imagined it to be like.

But even then there was a thought that kept him holding out and in hope for the future to turn better. A thought that made him think that despite such a rocky and strange beginning , maybe it would all start to become better at the end?

Maybe the other kids would warm up to him and he would stop feeling so anxious and doubtful of them all? Maybe they would start to engage with him more like their leader and he could show them that they had no need to be caged in by their shyness through his own friendly and warm behaviour.

And maybe after that he would start to have the friendship with them like he always desired.

Though for that to happen,

Maybe all that was needed…

Was some time?

Author's Note:

Jellal is way too forgiving and innocent , but whether that is due to his own innate nature or something else , you'll find out.

Either way in the next chapters young Jelly will find out that kindness is not always the answer to problems , sometimes it's not even an answer at all and he will learn that shocking truth in a manner he will never forget...