Chapter Twenty-Four: What Lies Beneath
WARNING: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSE & PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
"We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations." –John Green
It was the beginning of March when JJ got asked to go to the Middle East. Will had, of course, been supportive when she told him, but she could tell he was upset. After all, she'd told him that the new job would let her be home more often, but now it was looking like she'd be gone for months.
Will also wasn't thrilled about the fact that she was going to be in a warzone. She was the mother of his children, he wanted her here in DC, where it was safe. But he just stuck a small smile on his face and told her that of course, they'd be fine while she was gone.
Tate was also rather disappointed that JJ was leaving. She'd enjoyed having JJ home more often, and JJ had been acting much more like a mother to her over the past couple of months. She couldn't help but wish JJ would stay in DC, but she knew even if she told JJ she wanted her to stay, the woman would have to go anyway. So Tate kept her mouth shut and told JJ to have a good trip.
"Can I ask you something?" Tate asked Abby.
Tate had been back seeing Abby for several months now, and as much as she hated to admit it, the woman had helped her. She rarely had nightmares anymore, she wasn't as anxious, and she was better at being around people, specifically men than she had been before. Tate had told Abby basically everything that had happened while she was in foster care, including when she was at the McClaren's, and she had to admit, it was almost refreshing having it out in the open. She had told Will and JJ some things, nothing about the McClaren's, but they seemed relieved when she told them she talked to Abby about it.
"That's technically my job, but sure, go ahead," Abby said.
"My friend, Carter, he keeps asking me out…" Tate trailed off.
"And you want to know if you think it's a good idea," Abby finished.
Tate nodded. Carter had asked her three times now, and she didn't like turning him down. It wasn't that she didn't want to go on a date with him, she just wasn't sure if she should. So when he asked her yesterday morning, she told him she'd think about it instead of her typical response of no. To be fair, she was thinking about it. Just thinking about it out loud, with Abby.
"Do you think you're ready?" Abby asked.
"I dunno, that's why I asked you," Tate pointed out.
"If you're considering it, then you probably are,".
Tate didn't respond to that and just sat there.
"Lemme ask you something. Do you trust Carter?" Abby asked.
"Yeah," Tate answered without hesitation.
"Then, I think that's your answer,".
"So, how was it?" Lucy asked Tate as they sat in the library. Ellie, Tate and Lucy all had the same free period, and they often met in the library to do homework, but most of the time just ended up talking.
"How was what?".
"Your date with Carter, duh,".
Tate glared slightly at Ellie. She'd finally told Carter she'd go out with him after the third time he asked, and the only person she told was Ellie. It's not that Lucy wasn't her friend, but she knew the girl would get overly excited and ask too many questions.
"I thought I told you not to tell her," Tate said to Ellie.
"I didn't," Ellie promised.
"Carter told Noah who told me," Lucy told Tate. "Now, spill,".
"It was fun, we went to the movies," Tate replied, hoping her answer would satisfy Lucy.
"Did you guys kiss?" Lucy asked rather loudly.
Ellie shushed her and Tate sighed. Only Lucy would ask a question like that very loudly in a library.
"Yeah, now no more questions," Tate said, going back to work on her math homework.
Tate had been nervous about their first date, but it had been perfectly fine. They'd gone to the movies, talked, and then Carter dropped her back at home. Just like how they hung out with their friends, except it was only the two of them. It wasn't until their third date, which thankfully Lucy didn't seem to know about, that they had kissed. Tate hadn't been sure how that would go over, but it had been fine – nice, even. There had been no memories of McClaren springing into her head, it had just been her and Carter, sitting on a park bench, kissing.
Lucy was about to ask another question when Carter and Noah walked into the library, and the girls quickly went about pretending they had been working.
Beck had a meeting with a client in DC, and had decided to stay a few extra days to visit with Will and the kids. On Saturday afternoon, the BAU team had decided to have a picnic, since it was so warm and nice out for March. Even though JJ wasn't on the team anymore, she was still part of the BAU family, so they invited Will and the kids to come, although JJ couldn't make it since she was still in the Middle East. The team, however, couldn't know that, so to them, JJ was just on a trip for work in London.
By late afternoon, the picnic was dwindling down, and only Hotch, Morgan, and the LaMontagne family were left. Hotch only stayed because it was such a nice afternoon, and Jack liked playing outside. Also, Tate was happy to entertain him while Hotch got some time to talk to other adults. Morgan had stuck around since JJ and Will were thinking about remodeling the house, and the man loved to talk about a renovation.
"Wanna go get some ice cream for everyone?" Beck asked Tate.
"Sure," the girl replied, and the pair stood up from the picnic blankets.
"I'll come too," Will said as he stood up and went to get Henry and Kit from where they'd been sitting with Jack on a blanket.
"Just leave them, we'll keep an eye on them," Hotch assured Will.
"You sure?" he asked.
It wasn't that he didn't trust Hotch, of course, he trusted him, he was Kit's godfather. And if anyone knew the dangers of what could happen if you took your eyes off your kid, it was Hotch. After all, he worked on cases with kidnapped kids all the time. It was more that Will knew the twins were a handful. Both of them had started walking, and they were already pretty fast. Guess that's what you get for having an early achiever.
"We'll be fine, just bring us back some ice cream," Morgan said.
So Will headed off with Tate and Beck down the path that ran through the middle of the park, walking towards the ice cream truck about a quarter of a mile away from their picnic spot. By the time he'd caught up with the pair, they were already deep in conversation about Tate's upcoming soccer season.
"What are you two trying to leave without me or something?" Will asked.
"We didn't think you'd actually leave the twins," Tate informed him.
"I'm not that bad," Will replied.
"You're a mother hen," Beck quipped.
Maybe Will was just a tad overprotective. He blamed it on the six months he'd spent home alone with the twins. Babies make you crazy. His overprotectiveness was the exact reason Tate hadn't told him about Carter. He barely liked that they were friends, although he'd gotten much better about it over the past year. Tate was just waiting until JJ got home to soften the blow. She knew JJ would probably be ecstatic about it, and maybe she could just mention it to Will for Tate. Or Will could just never find out, that worked too. Since Tate was deep in thought, she didn't notice the man walking down the path until she bumped into him.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Tate said as she turned to look at the man she'd rammed into.
She'd been expecting to see a stranger. A man that would just assure her it was fine, and then walk off, never to be seen again. Except she knew this man, she knew him all too well. The graying brown hair; cold brown eyes; his wandering hands. She'd been having a perfectly lovely Saturday afternoon, but just like that, she couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't move. All she could do was stare at Oliver McClaren, frozen in place.
"Oh, Tate, how nice to see you," she faintly heard McClaren say over the loud buzzing in her ears. She'd only had a few panic attacks before, but she could tell one was coming. She wanted to say something, wanted to tell Will and Beck to get him away from her, but she couldn't make herself form the words.
Will had yet to notice Tate's panic, as he was standing slightly behind her, and couldn't see her face. The man she'd bumped into now looked up at Will.
"You must be Tate's foster dad," the man said, smiling.
Something about the man just seemed off. His mouth was smiling, but his eyes weren't. They were cold, almost dead-looking. And if Will had learned one thing as a cop, he knew that look was dangerous.
"Yeah, and you are?" Will asked.
"Will," Beck whispered quietly before the man introduced himself. Will glanced to look at him and saw Tate's face, He'd never seen her so pale, so frightened. Not even when Carlisle had been holding a gun to her head, ready to kill her at any moment. Will quickly turned his attention back to the man, who had stuck his hand out for Will to shake.
"I'm Oliver McClaren, one of Tate's old foster dads," he said, still smiling.
And as for what happened next, well, Will couldn't be held responsible for that. All he knew was he saw a flash of red at the sound of the man's name, and a haze of fury fell over him.
Tate had only been vaguely aware of her surroundings during McClaren and Will's conversation but suddenly came back to reality as Will threw himself at McClaren, tackling him to the ground. She faded away again as she watched Will deliver punch after punch to the man, and could barely hear Beck's voice in her ear.
Beck had frozen when his brother first threw himself at the man, but quickly pulled himself back when he noticed Tate had begun hyperventilating, and the fact that Will was beating a man to a pulp. On one hand, he wanted to stay with Tate, who he didn't exactly trust not to pass out right now, but on the other, he couldn't very well let his brother kill this man. Although, the guy probably deserved it for whatever he'd done to make Will this mad. However, one more look at Tate, at the way she was panicking so much she wasn't even aware of him, and his decision was made.
"Hotch! Morgan!" Beck yelled down the path. He could just barely see the two men sitting on the grass, but he could make out their heads popping towards him, and then Morgan running at them. The man Will was fighting still seemed to be in somewhat good condition and had managed to get a few punches in. Knowing his brother could hold his own, and seeing that the other man wasn't about to die, Beck turned his full attention towards Tate. He grabbed her shoulders, concerned by the fact that the girl hadn't even flinched, and crouched down slightly.
"Hey squirt, you gotta breathe for me, okay?" Beck said softly, trying to bring her out of whatever flashback she was in. Realizing she wasn't even aware he was in front of her, Beck decided to talk about random things and good, safe memories that Tate had.
Morgan had finally made it to them, and it seemed as though Hotch had stayed with the kids, which was for the best. He tried pulling Will off McClaren to no avail several times and looked around for someone to help him. Beck was clearly out of the running, as Tate was still lost in her world of panic.
When Beck finally saw just the tiniest hint of recognition in Tate's eyes, he went back to telling her to breathe, rubbing one hand up and down her back, the other rested on the shoulder.
"C'mon squirt, just take some deep breaths alright? Nice and steady," he coached the girl.
Meanwhile, Morgan had found a gentleman that had been passing by, and the other man pulled McClaren away as Morgan held Will back. Will had some blood on his face from a cut on his forehead, but his hands were covered in McClaren's blood, and he'd clearly won the fight.
"Lemme go, Derek, I'm gonna kill him," Will seethed, still trying to lunge at McClaren.
"I can't let you do that, man".
"He's a fucking pedophile," Will yelled, and Beck and Morgan froze, along with everyone in hearing distance.
Beck had never been more tempted to go punch someone, but he knew he couldn't leave Tate. The girl's breathing was still way too fast, but she seemed slightly more aware of her surroundings, and she didn't seem like she was going to hyperventilate.
As Morgan saw police walking toward them, he tightened his grip on Will, who had also noticed.
"I'll deal with them and him, you go be with your kid,".
Oh god, in his rage he'd almost forgotten about Tate. Will whipped around to where Beck and Tate were standing, and stepped toward them.
"Kiddo," he said quietly as he approached them.
He stopped short, however, as the second Tate caught sight of him, she flinched. And not just a tiny flinch, but a full-body-jump-away-from-Will type of flinch. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes. Tate hadn't flinched from him in over a year, not since the night she'd dropped the glass in the kitchen. She was scared of him, something he'd promised himself would never happen.
As she flinched away from Will and the chaos, Beck wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she buried her head in his chest. Tate still didn't seem completely aware, but she was obviously alert enough to recognize that she didn't want to be anywhere near McClaren. Will's heart ached slightly as he watched his daughter turn to his brother for comfort instead of him when a realization struck him. Tate still wasn't very aware, but she'd seen Will and McClaren fighting. Violence and anger always made Tate nervous, and Will had beat a man half to death in front of her. It wasn't just McClaren's fault she was scared, it was his too.
"I'm taking her home while you deal with this, okay?" Beck asked him.
Will didn't want to leave Tate but he knew the cops would want answers, and he wasn't about to let McClaren run free, so he nodded. Beck started to steer Tate towards the parking lot, but after seeing how unsteady she looked he put an arm under her knees and picked her up. Will watched them walk off, before turning back towards the growing crowd
Sometime during the car ride home, Tate had fallen asleep–or passed out–Beck wasn't really sure which. He carried her upstairs and laid her down in her bed, pulling the covers over her. After drawing the curtains shut so that it wasn't so bright, he crept back downstairs. When he got to the bottom of the stairs, he noticed Bean sitting in the hallway, waiting for him. The puppy was four months old now, but still fairly small. He technically wasn't supposed to go upstairs, but Beck didn't really care. Picking the puppy up, he carried Bean upstairs and set him down on Tate's bed. The puppy quickly laid down and curled next to Tate before glancing at Beck.
"You keep an eye on her, okay?" Beck whispered to the puppy, whose tail thumped in response.
Beck closed the door behind him and went back downstairs to wait for Will to get home. He checked his phone and noticed a text from Hotch, saying that he was gonna go meet up with Emily and they'd keep an eye on the twins for the day and that Will would be home soon. 'At least he hasn't gotten himself arrested', Beck thought to himself.
Half an hour later, Will came through the front door, looking like shit. He still had blood on his face and hands, as well as a fair amount on his shirt. Beck had never seen his brother look more exhausted, but he supposed after the day Will had, it'd be concerning if he wasn't tired. As Will took his shoes off and came into the kitchen, Beck handed him a cup of coffee.
"Thanks," Will said quietly, sitting down at the counter.
"So, what happened?" Beck asked.
"Morgan and I explained the situation. The cops agreed to let me go since it was the defense of a third person. They're gonna question the bastard tomorrow morning,".
Will knew it probably hadn't been the smartest move to attack McClaren, but he couldn't help himself. He'd hurt Tate in the most despicable way possible, and there was nothing more in the world that Will wanted than to see him dead.
"What are the chances he actually gets locked up for this?" Will asked his brother, hoping Beck would give him the answer he wanted.
"It's her word versus his, and the fact that it happened four years ago doesn't really help her credibility. Honestly, unless you can get someone else to corroborate it, there's no chance," Beck said apologetically.
"Yeah, that's what I figured," Will said, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair.
It killed him that there was nothing he could do about this. McClaren would just get to walk free with no punishment for his actions. Hell, if he really wanted to, he could do it again. There was absolutely nothing stopping the man from going on to hurt some other little kid, and it made Will sick. But he knew his brother was right. After all, Beck was nothing if not a good lawyer. Even if they did file charges on McClaren, nothing would stick, and Tate would have to go through the whole painful process of testifying for nothing.
"You want something to eat?" Beck asked as he opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs.
"I should check on Tate," Will replied, starting to stand up.
"She's asleep, let her rest,".
Will hesitated for a moment, but he knew Tate needed the sleep, so he sat back down. He noticed Beck had also taken bacon and cheese out of the fridge, and was currently rifling through the bread box.
"Breakfast sandwiches?" he asked.
Beck nodded, and Will gave his brother a small smile. Breakfast for dinner had been common in their house growing up, since Bill usually worked late. By the time he got home, he wouldn't have enough time to make dinner, but breakfast was quick. Bill also liked to claim it was the most comforting meal. Whenever Beck was cramming for law school or Will had just gotten off the night shift at 4 AM after working the French Quarter all night, Bill would make them a breakfast sandwich.
"Put extra bacon on mine," Will told his brother.
"You know that's bad for your heart,".
"Hasn't killed me yet,".
Three hours later, Will decided to head upstairs to check on Tate. It was almost 5 o'clock, and he hoped the girl would be awake by now. He slowly opened her door, so as not to make any noise in case she was still asleep. Tate was lying on the far side of the bed, curled up like always, with one arm wrapped around Bean. JJ had always been the one that didn't want the dog upstairs, so Will didn't mind a bit. Besides, who didn't find a puppy comforting?
It wasn't until he was halfway to the bed that he noticed Tate was awake, her blue eyes staring straight ahead.
"Hey, kiddo," Will said softly. He'd showered earlier, so he was no longer covered in blood, and Beck had bandaged the cut on his forehead. He could only hope that after the sleep she'd gotten Tate would be more aware and frightened by him.
Tate didn't respond, so he slowly walked forward, and sat on the edge of her bed. She didn't flinch, but she curled up more, her knees pressed against her chest, and pulled Bean closer.
"You feelin' any better?" Will asked.
It wasn't until Tate didn't respond the second time that Will started to get worried. Tate had always been a talkative kid, even in the aftermath of Theo's death. For her to be so silent, it meant something was very wrong.
"Want anything to eat? Or something to drink?" Will tried again as he reached forward gently tucked a stray curl behind Tate's ear.
She gave the tiniest, most minute shake of her head, so small Will almost didn't notice it. What he did notice was that Tate still hadn't looked at him; she just kept staring at the wall.
Will was really worried now. Tate had had a few panic attacks before, but she always came right back around within an hour or so. She'd never been like this, so silent and unreachable. Will knew she was suffering from whatever memories seeing McClaren had brought up, but her lack of speaking scared him.
"Okay," Will said quietly, "I'll let you sleep then, hm?".
Again, no response, so Will slowly left the room, shutting the door behind him. It wasn't until he got out into the hall that he noticed Beck standing there.
"Everything okay?" his brother asked, noticing the pale look on his face.
"I… I think we need to call Abby," Will replied slowly, before filling his brother in on Tate's condition.
"You call her, I'll go try talking to her," Beck said, and Will nodded.
Beck entered his niece's room, leaving the door open behind him, as Will had gone downstairs to call Abby. Tate didn't look up at him, but he could see she was still awake. He walked over to the bed and sat down, giving Bean a little head scratch. The puppy licked his hand in response before settling back down in Tate's arms.
"Hey squirt, I heard you weren't feeling well," Beck said gently.
Tate didn't even glance his way as he spoke to her, and he knew Will was right to be worried.
"Alright, I'll let you sleep then. You want me to take Beanie downstairs?" he asked.
Tate shook her head just the slightest bit, but Beck noticed her tightening her grip on the puppy. Clearly, she didn't want to be alone, even if she couldn't accept the comfort of another person. Frankly, Beck was just glad Will had decided to get the dog in the first place. Despite the fact that the dog was, well, a dog, Beck was comforted by the fact that when he left the room, Tate wouldn't be completely alone.
"Okay," he said, giving Tate a small smile before leaving.
Meanwhile, Will was in the kitchen and had just gotten through to Abby's office.
"Dr. Monroe speaking," he heard her say.
"Abby, it's Will LaMontagne, I need your help,".
"What's wrong?" Abby asked, hearing the urgency in the detective's voice.
"We ran into McClaren today, I sorta went at him, and Tate had a panic attack. A bad one, Abby, way worse than any other one I've seen. And now, she's just laying in bed, and she won't talk," he said hurriedly. "I know you're almost done for the night, but could you come here? Please?".
"I can be there in an hour, just don't panic, okay? Tate needs you to be calm,".
"Alright, thank you, Abby," Will said, hanging up the phone.
Will glanced toward the stairs as he heard footsteps. Beck came down the stairs, holding his phone.
"Amelia's on her way," Beck told him.
"She doesn't have to come, Abby's coming over,".
"Will, of course she's coming. You're our family, Tate's our family. And you need us right now," Beck said.
"It's really not necessary, we'll be fine," Will promised his brother.
"JJ isn't home,".
"So, she hasn't been in weeks, and we've survived just fine,".
"Will, Tate would probably do better in a house that wasn't just men right now," Beck said pointedly.
"Oh, right," Will responded.
It sickened him to think that Tate could be afraid of him and Beck, just because one man had decided he had the right to hurt her. But he knew it could be a possibility, and if having Amelia here would make Tate more comfortable, then he was all for it. He still hadn't been able to get in touch with JJ, and even when he did, she likely wouldn't be able to get home for at least a day, maybe two.
"Well, what about the boys?" Will asked.
He didn't think having two young boys running around the house would do much good for Tate. Kit and Henry, he would be able to handle, once Hotch and Emily dropped them off. They were fairly quiet, at least quieter than a 9-year-old and 12-year-old, and he could make sure they stayed away from Tate. But it wasn't like they could stay home alone, meaning Amelia and the kids were a package deal.
"Collins is gonna look after them," Beck said as if it was nothing.
"Collins as in…" Will trailed off.
"As in my sister," Beck finished.
"But,".
"No buts, okay? We've hung out with her and her family a lot, and the boys like them. And I trust her with the kids, as does Amelia. She's happy to take them, so end of story,".
"Alright, thank her for me," Will said, sighing.
He still wasn't used to the fact that his brother had a sister. They'd gone their whole lives just the two of them, but now, he had two more siblings. Will had never met Collins, but Beck and Tate had assured him he would like her, and how bad could she really be if she and Beck shared half their blood? At the least, he was grateful she was looking after the boys since it meant Amelia could come out and help them with Tate.
Abby stepped out of Tate's room, closing the door behind her. She went down into the kitchen where Beck, Amelia, and Will were sitting at the island; the brothers were drinking coffee and Amelia was sipping tea. Will's head popped up at the sound of her footsteps, and she felt horrible for the man. He looked exhausted, and she was surprised he hadn't gone prematurely gray from all the stress.
"Is she okay?" he asked.
Abby sat down, and Amelia handed her a cup of tea.
"Seeing McClaren was obviously very triggering, and she couldn't cope with it, so she shut down," Abby explained carefully.
"Ok, so when is she gonna snap out of this?".
"She could be fine come morning, or it might take a few days. There's a possibility it could take a few weeks,".
"Weeks!? Abby, she's not eating or speaking. She's practically comatose," Will said.
He thought Abby would be able to help Tate and get her out of whatever world she was living in. Tate couldn't just be stuck like this for weeks. The not-talking was one thing, but she couldn't not eat. It killed him to see Tate like this, it really did, but she had to snap out of it, for her own sake.
"Will, you know as well as I do that she has PTSD. She can't process what happened with McClaren, so she shut down to protect herself. She will get better, when she feels safe," Abby replied.
Abby confirming what he already knew broke Will. He knew he had messed up, going after McClaren the way he did. Tate had seen so much violence in her young life, and it was triggering to her. Will knew that, and he fought McClaren anyway. And now, Tate was scared. She was terrified in her own home, surrounded by people that love her. If she didn't get better soon, Will would never forgive himself.
"She was scared of me, after I fought with McClaren," he told Abby quietly.
"She wasn't scared of you, Will. She knows you'd never hurt her, I promise you she does. She's just not thinking straight right now. Her world here with you and JJ and the boys was safe, and then suddenly it wasn't. She's just trying to stay safe, and this is the only way she knew how," Abby reassured him.
"The not-eating is gonna become a problem soon," Beck said, looking at Abby.
"She's aware of her surroundings, and she's communicating, if only a little. I'd try getting her to drink something with protein powder or something if she still won't eat tomorrow," Abby instructed them, and Amelia nodded in agreement.
Amelia was a child psychologist, and she knew a lot about trauma responses, but Abby was better for Tate right now. They had built a relationship together, and Tate trusted Abby. Amelia could really only give Will facts and statistics, but Abby knew what Tate was thinking, at least partially.
"I'm worried she's dissociating," Amelia told Abby.
"I know, but she's still slightly aware, and somewhat responsive, so I'm not too worried yet," Abby said. "Look, I have to get home, but I can stop by tomorrow,".
"Alright, thanks for your help," Will said, showing Abby out.
"You should get some sleep," Amelia said to Will.'
"I'm okay, I should sit with Tate,".
"Beck and I can handle that for tonight. You're no good to her if you collapse from exhaustion,".
"Amelia…" Will trailed off.
"No, no arguing, go sleep," his sister-in-law ordered him.
Will was loath to leave Tate alone, but he knew Amelia would stay with her as promised. And he was exhausted; turns out getting in a fight really takes it out of you. As he climbed into bed, he reached over and grabbed his phone, and called JJ. Just like the last three times he had called her, there was no response, so he sighed and hung up. He knew he could leave a message, but he didn't want to have to tell JJ this over the phone. Besides, once she saw he'd called so many times, she'd call back immediately.
By the next afternoon, Tate still hadn't improved, so Will called Abby again. The doctor promised Will she'd come by as soon as her last appointment was over. Will sighed and put the phone back down on the counter. Tate still hadn't said a word, or eaten anything, and JJ hadn't called him back. His family was falling apart at the seams, and if Beck and Amelia weren't here, he was pretty sure he would've had a mental breakdown already. Hotch and Emily, being the saints they were, were still looking after the twins. Will missed the boys, but he knew Tate needed him more right now, and he couldn't afford any distractions.
"Why don't you go check in on the boys?" Amelia suggested after lunch.
"I can't leave," Will said.
"We'll be fine, she's sleeping. She won't even notice you're gone,".
Will knew Amelia didn't mean anything bad when she said that, but it still hurt. Tate was so far gone, she really wouldn't notice if Will left.
"She hasn't eaten," Will said.
"We'll figure it out, just go and see your kids for a few hours," Amelia told him.
Will grudgingly agreed, as he knew the boys were probably scared. They'd never spent the night away from both Will and JJ at the same time, and he knew they must be confused having neither of their parents with them. He grabbed his phone and his car keys, and shoved on his coat and shoes.
"I'll be back in no more than two hours," he promised.
"Spend as much time as you need, we'll be alright," Amelia assured him.
Twenty minutes after Will left, Beck arrived home from the grocery store. He emptied the bags into the fridge, and pulled out a few brown bottles that Amelia recognized as protein shakes.
"I thought I might try and get her to drink one of these," he told Amelia.
"That's a good idea," she replied, giving him a kiss before pulling his coat off.
Beck smiled a little; Amelia's biggest pet peeve was him not taking his coat off when he got home and then leaving it in the middle of the house somewhere. With Amelia busy putting his coat in the closet, Beck grabbed one of the drinks and headed upstairs. Tate's bedroom door was open, and she was still lying in bed, curled up in a ball. The ever-loyal Bean hadn't moved from her side at all, except to have his dinner and breakfast and go outside quickly.
"Hey squirt," Beck said as he hopped on the bed.
As he expected, Tate didn't so much as glance at him.
"Can you drink this for me?" he asked softly, holding out the bottle and straw.
Tate made no attempt to take the bottle, and Beck sighed. He moved forward slightly so that he knew Tate could see him and tried again.
"Look, squirt, I know you're struggling right now, but you gotta drink something, okay? Please, just a few sips," he begged his niece.
Tate leaned forward just the tiniest bit, and Beck held out the bottle. She took a few sips, drinking about half the bottle, before laying back down and pulling Bean close again.
"Thanks, kid," Beck said, giving her a soft smile.
Abby came over again that night and was happy Tate had at least drank something. Beck had managed to get her to finish the other half of the bottle, so at least she wouldn't be starving or too dehydrated.
"It's a good sign that she's eating," Abby told Will. "I'd just hoped she'd be more responsive today,".
"Is there anything more you could think of that might help?" Will asked.
Abby thought for a moment before an idea came to mind.
"There's this boy she's mentioned a few times, I forget his name,".
"Carter?" Will wondered.
"No, not her boyfriend, this other kid," Abby told him.
"I'm sorry, did you say boyfriend?" Will asked.
"Topic for another day, Will," Amelia said.
"Did you know?" Will asked her.
"Of course I did, I'm her favorite aunt,".
"Hey, topic for another time maybe?" Beck said to the pair.
"Yes, thank you, Beck. Anyway, I think he was friends with Theo," Abby said.
"You mean Grant?" Will asked.
"That's the one. Maybe you should try and get him to fly down and see her. It might help," Abby told him.
"How would he be able to help?" Beck asked.
"Theo always protected Tate, so when they were living by themselves in Dover, it was the safest she'd ever felt. Grant was part of that life, he was part of that safety. And from what she's said, I doubt that boy has ever even raised his voice in front of her. He's the closest thing she has to Theo, and she's known him since she was a little kid, so he's familiar. He might be able to ground her, bring her back to reality a little," Abby explained.
"I can call him, I'm sure he'd come," Will said.
"Okay, I think that's it then. I'll swing by tomorrow and check in," Abby promised.
Tate was holding Bean, staring at her wall, when someone came into her room. She'd slowly started to get more aware and would drink the protein shakes when asked, but she hadn't eaten or spoken. She still felt this pit of fear in her gut, and she couldn't get rid of it. Everything was hazy, and she could sense that everyone was worried, but she didn't have the energy to try and fix it.
"Hey, kid, fancy seeing you here," she heard a voice say. The noise was much more clear than it had been when the last person had tried talking to her; she thought it had been Will or Beck, but she couldn't tell which. She glanced up slightly to see Grant Sullivan standing in her room, and he gave her a sad smile. He was holding two bowls and he came over and sat down on Tate's bed.
"Here," he said, holding it out to Tate.
She didn't have the energy or the appetite to take whatever he was offering her. She knew she was hungry, but she was too nauseous to imagine eating.
"C'mon, I didn't seriously bring coffee oreo ice cream all the way from Richardson's only to have you not eat it, did I?" Grant asked, feigning offense.
Tate perked up slightly at the mention of Richardson's. She and Theo used to go all the time, as her brother was convinced it was the best ice cream in New England. To be fair, he was probably right. Tate had never come across better ice cream in her life, and Grant agreed with the pair.
"You know, if you don't want it, I'm sure Beanie here will eat it," he quipped, grinning as the puppy sniffed the bowl.
Grant's smile made the nausea in her stomach quell slightly, and she reached out for the bowl. He handed it to her, giving her another smile, except this one didn't have as much sadness at its edges. Tate took a bite, the creamy ice cream melting in her mouth. The pair ate in silence, and before long Tate had finished her bowl. She set it down on the bed for Bean to lick the remainders out of while Grant finished his.
"See, told you it was worth it, you can't get better than Richardson's," Grant said.
When Tate didn't respond he set his bowl down and scooted closer to her. Tate was still curled up into a ball on the bed, albeit less compact than before.
"Kid, what do you need huh? How can I help?" he asked softly.
Tate wished she could tell him, she really did, but to be honest, she had no clue. She didn't know why she felt this way, why everything was fuzzy and why she didn't want to do anything. All she knew was that ever since she saw McClaren all she wanted to do was lay here in her bed with Bean, and do nothing else. So, all she could manage to give him in response was a shrug.
"You know I saw Fitzy last week? He was in the city for his birthday, so I went out to dinner with him. We talked about that time the three of us crashed into old man McKinley's boat, you remember that?" Grant asked her.
Tate hadn't thought of Fitzy in a while. He'd shown up to Theo's funeral, but she hadn't heard from him at all. Theo, Grant, and Fitzy had been like the Three Musketeers when they were younger, always getting into trouble. The three of them had gone sailing often, usually with Grant or Theo steering, but one time they'd let Fitzy be captain, and he'd put a nice-sized dent in another boat when he lost control and crashed into it. Theo had laughed, of course, he was always laughing. Tate's heart ached at the memory, she missed always having her older brother to cheer her up.
"I miss him," she whispered, and Grant knew she wasn't talking about Fitzy.
"I know, kid, I think about him all the time. I uh…I made a decision last week. I'm not gonna be some corporate lawyer like my dad wants. I'm gonna go work at a pro-bono clinic somewhere, to help people with actual problems. I like to think Theo would've been happy with me,".
Theo had always been about helping other people. If it hadn't been for Tate, he probably would've gone to law school, and done the exact same thing Grant was doing.
"He would be," she said quietly, looking up to meet Grant's eyes.
"Listen, kid, I know he's not here, and it's not fair. It's not, okay? But I'm here and Will, Beck, and Amelia are here, and we want to help you. So just, tell us how, please," he pleaded with her.
She wanted someone who could help make this better. Even though everyone was trying their hardest, they hadn't been able to help, and Tate felt slightly guilty about that. She knew they were worried, and she wanted to get better, she just didn't know how. When she was younger, she'd just go see Theo, and somehow, he'd just make everything okay. Before that, it'd been her mother to always fix her problems. Tate suddenly realized it was the first time since she and Theo had moved back home –the first time in three years– that she longed for her mother. As she realized that, a thought sprang into her head.
She couldn't have her mother, obviously, the woman was dead. But she could have JJ, and that was the next best thing. She hadn't realized she'd missed JJ so much, the way the woman would hug her and ask about her day. Sure, Will hugged her and talked to her all the time, but that was different. Will's hugs were fiercely protective, whereas JJ's were softer, gentler. Both made her feel safe, feel loved, but for some reason she just wanted JJ right now. She wanted a mother.
"Can JJ come home?" she asked Grant hopefully.
"Will says she should be here by tonight," Grant promised her.
When JJ finally got Will's call, she had just been released by the doctors who had treated her. The explosion had been quite large, but with the exception of the loss of her baby, JJ hadn't been injured too badly. She still couldn't believe it; that she'd lost her and Will's child. They hadn't been trying for another baby, they wanted to wait until the boys were older, but once she saw the test results, she was excited. She knew Will would have been too, but she hadn't even gotten the chance to tell him. After she told him she was pregnant over the phone last time, he'd requested that if there was ever a next time, she tell him in person. So, she'd planned on waiting until she got home to tell him that they were having another baby. Now, she'd never get the chance.
She'd been resting in her room, per doctor's orders, when Cruz came in with a phone. JJ's cell had somehow gotten lost in the chaos, but she'd been too caught up in the loss of her baby to care. She hadn't even thought about calling Will to check in, her grief too overwhelming at the moment.
"It's Will," Matt said, holding out the phone.
"Can you ask him to call back later?" JJ asked.
It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to Will, she just couldn't handle it right now. She'd have to pretend everything was fine and to be honest, she wasn't certain that she wouldn't simply fall apart at the sound of his voice. The voice of the father of her baby that would never be born. That Will would never get to hold, or love, or raise.
"He says it's an emergency," Cruz told her, and JJ immediately held out her hand for the phone.
"Will, what's wrong?" she asked, slightly panicked.
Will quickly filled her in on everything that had been going on the past few days, and JJ felt like she couldn't breathe again. She'd just lost one child, and now her other one was terrified and hurt. She'd wanted to go after that McClaren bastard the second she knew his name, but the team had convinced her it wasn't worth it. They'd said all it would do is dredge up bad memories for Tate, and that had happened anyways. She never should have listened to them.
"Jayge, you gotta come home. Grant's flying down but you should be here," Will said.
"I know, I'm coming," she assured him. "I'll call you when I manage to find a flight, I should be there by tomorrow night at the latest,".
JJ hung up the phone and quickly gathered her things before rushing out into the hallway, her bag slung over her shoulder.
"Aren't you supposed to be resting?" Matt asked.
"I gotta go home, something happened with Tate," she said, and he knew he understood the urgency of the situation.
"There's a flight out in half an hour, I'll get you a seat on it," he told her. "Are you okay?".
"I'll be fine, I just really need to get home," she assured him.
All she wanted to do right now was hold her kids. The loss of their sibling still ached deeply, but JJ had to shove it aside for now. Tate needed her, and that was all that mattered. Once she got home, she'd be able to focus on Tate and the boys, instead of the baby. Then, after everything was back to normal, she and Will could grieve their loss, but not before then. She wouldn't let anything get in the way of helping Tate right now.
14 hours later, and JJ's flight was landing at the airport in DC. It was almost 8 o'clock by the time she arrived, and she knew she wouldn't be able to get home until around 9 PM. As she left the arrival terminal, she saw Will standing by the entrance waiting for her.
"Hey," she said as Will hugged her.
JJ noticed he was hugging her slightly tighter than usual, but she knew she was doing the same, so she didn't say anything. They had both had a lot going on in the past few days, JJ with the baby and Will with Tate, and they were both just glad to have the other with them.
"I missed you, cher," Will whispered, giving her a kiss before he pulled back to grab JJ's bag.
"How's Tate?"
"A little better, Grant coming helped. She said she wanted to see you though," he told her.
When JJ and Will got home, JJ went straight upstairs to see Tate. Grant and Tate were sitting on Tate's bed with Bean to the side of them and a chessboard between them. Per usual, Tate was winning. JJ lightly knocked on the open door, and the pair popped their heads up from their game.
"Hey guys," she said.
"Hi JJ," Grant replied as he stood up and grabbed the chess board. "We'll finish later, okay?".
"Subtle," Tate quipped, and Grant grinned before heading downstairs.
JJ walked over and sat on the bed, taking Grant's spot.
"How are you doing?" JJ asked Tate.
"Okay. Sorry, you had to come home," Tate said quietly, biting her lip
She knew JJ was busy; after all, her job was important. It wasn't like JJ wanted to be gone all the time. Tate knew she should have just sucked it up. She'd already made Amelia come from New Orleans, and Beck had stayed longer than he was supposed to. Will was missing work, and Grant had flown down from Boston, missing all of his classes. She was being selfish.
"Hey, none of that, alright? You needed me, so I came home. It's no big deal," JJ told her.
"No, Grant and Will were here, and Beck and Amelia. I should've just gotten over it," Tate argued, and JJ could see the girl's eyes growing wet.
Abby had told JJ and Will multiple times that Tate had abandonment issues; that she would try and make herself less of a burden so they'd keep her. Which was completely ridiculous of course, they weren't letting go of her anytime soon. But she knew Tate couldn't help but feel like that. After all, nothing else in her life had been permanent. Everyone had either let her down or left her at some point. JJ's heart broke at the sight of Tate, who had just been forced to see the man that molested her and was now trying to pretend like she didn't want or need comfort. It was then that JJ realized just how young she was, only 14-years-old. Tate often acted much older, but at the end of the day, that's what she was. 14-year-olds were supposed to be out having fun and getting into trouble with their friends, they're not supposed to be orphans that have been abused and neglected for half their life.
"Come here, sweetie," JJ said, opening her arms to hold her daughter.
Tate practically dove into her arms, and JJ kissed the top of the girl's head before resting her chin on her hair. She could hear Tate crying quietly, and she held her tighter. JJ should've come home weeks ago. If she had, maybe Tate wouldn't have been suffering for days, and she, Kit, and Henry would have a new little sibling on the way. The whole LaMontagne family could've been happy and healthy had JJ not let her job get in the way.
"You're gonna be okay, honey. Everything will be better soon, I promise," JJ whispered as she held Tate.
Eventually, Tate fell asleep, still exhausted from the state she'd been in the past few days and her general lack of eating. JJ didn't move and simply stayed there with her, holding her in her arms. She pulled a blanket over Tate, intending on staying awake, but eventually, the hours of travel and her remaining injuries from the accident caught up with her, and she drifted off into a deep sleep.
Will was about to head to bed since it was just past midnight but decided to check on JJ and Tate. The last time he'd looked in on them, they'd been sleeping, with JJ holding Tate and Bean at their feet. He peeked his head in the door, not wanting to disturb their rest, only to find JJ awake.
"Hey, cher," he said in a hushed tone, not wanting to wake Tate.
"You're still up?" JJ asked, mimicking his quiet tone.
"I was gonna head to bed,".
"I was um… I was talking to Beck early," JJ began.
"That's never a good thing," Will quipped.
"He thinks if you applied again, they'd approve you to adopt," JJ told Will.
Will was confused, as Beck had never said anything to him about it. And why would they approve him now? Nothing had changed really, except for the fact that the boys had been born. But if anything, that was only more likely to get him turned down. They claimed it wouldn't be a stable enough home for Tate, and he knew babies would be seen as anything but stable.
"I doubt they'd change their minds," he said.
"They would if my name was on it this time,".
"You're serious?" Will asked.
He hadn't wanted to push JJ into anything, so after the application failed last time, he dropped the subject. He hadn't thought she'd actually change her mind about it. JJ was one of the most stubborn people he'd ever met and once she set her mind to something, that was that. He'd just assumed it'd be the same way with her decision not to adopt Tate.
"I want us to be her parents, Will. And I know we are, but I want it to be permanent. I don't want her going anywhere," JJ told him.
She'd already lost one child, and she had no intention of losing another. JJ had been considering adopting Tate for a while now, but she'd been holding herself back. She had always hated change, and for a while, she was scared of it. But this would be a good change, just like the boys had been. She wanted Tate to be her daughter in every way, and adoption would let that happen.
"Okay, I'll let the lawyer know," Will said, grinning.
"Congratulations, Detective, it's a girl," JJ replied, giving him a soft smile.
Beck was in the kitchen making breakfast when he saw Tate coming downstairs out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey squirt," he said as she sat down at the counter.
She was holding Bean, who technically wasn't supposed to be sitting at the island, but he didn't really care so long as Tate was downstairs. Beck recognized the sweatshirt she was wearing instantly; it was a worn-out grey hoodie, with Tulane written in grey letters. Will had gotten it while he was in college, and had worn it often before JJ "borrowed" it, and never gave it back. Tate must have snatched it from JJ's closet at some point.
"Where is everyone?" Tate asked.
"Amelia's upstairs showering, Will and JJ went to grab the boys from Hotch and Emily, and Grant wandered off a few hours ago. They'll probably be back soon though".
"Okay,".
"Want pancakes?" Beck asked.
"With chocolate chips?".
"Sure squirt,".
Beck finished up the pancakes and set them on a plate, along with a few pieces of bacon. He finished his quickly, and then sipped on his coffee, trying to discreetly watch Tate eat. He probably should've made her something healthier, like eggs, considering she'd barely eaten at all in the past few days, save some protein shakes and the ice cream Grant brought. But pancakes were Tate's favorite and Beck figured she deserved them after all she'd been through.
"You know, watching people eat is kinda creepy," Tate pointed out.
"Sorry," he said, laughing a little.
She wasn't completely back to her old self, but Beck could tell she was coming around.
Half an hour later, Will and JJ arrived home. Will was relieved to see Tate up and about, but even more relieved to see her eating. He'd been worried she'd pass out or something from the lack of food. Seeing Will holding Kit, Tate held out her arms for him, and Will happily passed him over.
"Hey Kit-Kat," she said, giving the baby a kiss on the cheek.
JJ and Will sat down and nibbled on some food, until Grant walked in the door twenty minutes later.
"Where've you been?" Tate asked, drinking some orange juice.
"Can't a man have his secrets?" Grant asked innocently.
"I feel like we should be nervous," Will quipped.
"I mean, Rossi helped me a little so maybe,".
"Ooh that's not good," JJ said.
"Did you really think I was gonna go running back to Harvard without doing something fun first?" Grant joked.
"One could only hope," Tate replied.
"Hey, my surprises for Theo were always amazing," Grant argued.
Grant's surprises, as well as Rossi's, tended to be a little eccentric. Grant had always come up with some sort of big surprise for Theo's birthday, most of which ended in some sort of chaos.
"How'd you get Rossi to help?" JJ asked.
"Well, he wanted the whole team to come along," Grant told her.
"And we don't get to know what this is?" Will inquired.
"I believe that's the definition of surprise. Now go get ready," Grant ordered them.
Tate and JJ sighed and got off their stools, before walking up the stairs. On their way up, JJ leaned close to Tate and whispered so Grant couldn't hear.
"How many of these surprises ended with Theo drunk or high?".
"Almost all of them,".
An hour-long car ride later, and the LaMontagne family, the BAU, and Grant had arrived at their destination.
"Where the hell are we?" Morgan asked, climbing out of the car.
"North Beach," Grant answered.
They had come to a small shipyard in Maryland, on the coast of Chesapeake Bay. Tate could see several boats down at the docks, and the sound of seagulls could be heard overhead. It was a beautiful day for March, with the temperature being well into the 60s. The sun was shining, and a cloudless blue sky lay above them.
Grant started walking down the ramp of the dock and the rest of the group followed him. Reid tripped, not used to the unsteady sway of the dock beneath him, and would have fallen had it not been for Morgan grabbing his arm.
"Please tell me you're not planning a repeat of your graduation party," Tate said.
Grant and Theo's graduation party had been epic. That was until a drunk Grant decided to steal a yacht and got himself arrested. Luckily, the owner lived in town and decided to not press charges, but it was a near miss for Grant.
"Cmon, you really think I'm gonna commit piracy with a bunch of FBI agents?" Grant asked.
Grant stopped in front of a large sailboat, over 60 feet in length. It was a gleaming midnight blue color, and white paint on the side indicated the boat's name was the Merrimack . He grabbed the wire railing on the side, and hauled himself up and onto the boat.
"You coming or what?" he asked the group.
"I think they'd like some reassurance that we aren't committing a felony, kid," Rossi said.
"It's a friend's, don't worry about it," Grant promised everyone.
Sighing at Grant's antics, Tate grabbed hold of the guard rail and clambered aboard to join Grant, with Will following shortly after her.
"Seriously, who's boat is this?" Tate asked.
"Monty's grandad's,".
"And he knows we're on it?".
"Mhm, said we could have it all day,".
"Why?".
Grant sighed and looked at her over the rim of his sunglasses.
"Theo helped him fix up some of his boats in Boston a few times, so he liked him. Guess he just thought he'd repay the favor," he explained.
The truth was, Tate missed the times her and Theo would go out sailing. Theo used to borrow a boat from Mr. Miller every other Sunday, and they'd take it out and eat lunch on it. If anyone else asked, he would just say he was test driving it for the customer after the repairs were finished. Grant had joined them quite often, and their trips had always been one of Tate's favorite memories with her brother.
Once everyone was aboard, a teenage boy standing on the dock untied them, and Grant steered them out into the bay.
"Are you actually qualified to drive this thing?" Emily spoke up.
Tate was surprised Hotch hadn't asked, but then again he was busy trying to make sure Jack didn't fall overboard.
"Don't worry about it, I've only crashed once," he assured her.
"Oh, joy,".
"You're also lacking a crew," Reid pointed out.
"Tate knows her way around a boat almost better than I do, and I doubt Will and Beck are completely useless," Grant replied.
That was true; Will and Beck had spent their fair share of time on boats growing up. Will also had added experience from Charlie. Despite the fact that there had never been a regatta in Florida, Charlie had still been a huge boat fanatic, and often made Will come out on his boat.
As they got out of the harbor and into the bay, Grant had Will and Beck hoist the sails. There was the perfect amount of wind and the water was calm; it was a perfect day for sailing. They spent almost six hours out in the bay, sailing, eating lunch and snacks, playing cards, and just spending time as a family. When they'd played every card game imaginable, Spencer had resorted to reciting Mobey Dick from memory, until Derek made him stop. When the sun began to set, Grant turned the ship around and headed back towards the harbor.
The sails were still up as Tate climbed out onto the side of the boat, and made her way past to the bow. She sat down on the front right between the two sails, so she wouldn't get hit unless they turned. After a few minutes, Will made his way to join her, albeit walking slightly less gracefully than she had.
"Have a good day?" he asked Tate.
"Yeah, best day in a while," she said.
"I know what you mean," Will replied quietly.
It hadn't just been the best day in a while; it had been one of the best days of his life. He'd spent it with his family out on the open water, with no one to disturb them. Frankly, he couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed so much. Turns out, an entire FBI team, two babies, a toddler, a teenager, a cop, two lawyers, and a psychologist, made for some pretty good comedic material. Plus, his family was finally going to be official. Tate would be with them forever, and no one could take her away. Yes, this was definitely the best day in a while.
"Always and forever. Family above all." -Elijah Mikaelson