Chapter Twenty-Six: I'm Thinking of You All the While
"No man really knows about other human beings. The best he can do is to suppose that they are like himself." –John Steinbeck
Tate, Noah, and Carter sat in the back of the dim lecture hall, listening to Spencer ramble about the difference between triggers and stressors. The lecture was technically only supposed to be open to Georgetown students, but Noah was interested in majoring in criminal psychology and had been begging Tate to get him into one of Reid's lectures for weeks. Carter had come along because Tate had somehow been able to convince him it'd be interesting, but he clearly didn't agree.
"Are you following any of this?" Carter whispered to Tate.
"Maybe if you were actually paying attention you would understand it," she told him.
"Not all of us have an IQ of 175," he reminded her, and Tate laughed quietly.
It wasn't like Carter was an idiot; the boy was actually quite smart and got all A's. Carter was just more interested in math and engineering than he was in psychology, and thus put zero effort into trying to make sense of it.
As Reid finished his lecture and started packing up his things, Tate and the boys made their way to the front.
"Hey Spence," Tate greeted him.
"Hey guys, did you enjoy the lecture?" he asked the kids.
"Yeah, it was great," she assured.
"I was worried I was boring people,".
"Only Carter," Noah joked.
"Hey!" Carter said, smacking Noah on the arm. "Really Dr. Reid, it was great, I just…".
"You're set on getting an engineering degree unlike your friend here," Reid finished and Carter nodded.
"Well, Noah and I thought it was interesting," Tate told Reid.
"That's great. Are you guys staying around campus or are you heading home?" he asked her.
"Noah has to go home, but Carter and I might go get some food,".
"Alright, have fun," Reid said, before reaching into his bag and pulling out a book and handing it to Tate. "Here, don't tell JJ,".
Tate grinned as the man gave her a copy of Slaughterhouse-Five. JJ probably wouldn't like the fact that Tate was reading it, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her.
"Thanks, Spence," she said to the doctor as she and the boys headed out of the lecture hall.
Once they walked down the front steps of the building, Noah headed towards the parking lot to drive home. Meanwhile, Carter and Tate started walking to a restaurant just outside of the campus. They had been dating for over two months now, and it'd been going fairly well. When they got to the restaurant, a waitress told them to sit wherever, so they sat down at a booth near the back that was up against the window.
"So when are you guys leaving for Boston?" Carter asked her.
"Not until Friday,".
The Jacobs house in Dover had finally gone under agreement, so Tate, Will, and JJ were flying up to Boston to pack the last of the things in the house up. It had taken a while for the house to sell since it had first been a crime scene and then because apparently, no one wanted to buy a house a boy was murdered in. JJ and Will had told her they could fly up without her, in case she didn't want to go back to the house, but she assured them she'd be fine.
Tate had been hesitant to sell the house in the first place, but she knew it had been the right decision. It wasn't like it was her home anymore; it couldn't be, not after her brother had been murdered right there in the living room.
"Are you gonna be okay going?".
She smiled at his concern. Carter was always checking in on Tate, which probably had to do with the fact that he was the only one of her friends that knew everything. Tate had eventually told the others parts of the truth; that she was in foster care, that Theo had died, that she saw a psychologist. But Carter was the only one who knew about the abuse, and not just the physical. She remembered the night she told him when they had taken a trip to Theodore Roosevelt Island. It was the only time she'd ever seen him truly mad. She'd seen him annoyed plenty of times, frustrated even, but she'd never seen him mad like that.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," she promised him.
They had been looking over the menu when a group of women walked by. Tate and Carter hadn't really noticed them until one of the women stopped in front of their table.
"Tate?" a voice asked, and Tate looked up to see Leah McClaren standing in front of her.
"Leah…hi," she said, slightly stunned.
Carter glanced over at Tate, and she knew he was confused.
"It's good to see you," Leah told her.
"Yeah, you too,".
Tate didn't know what to do about the woman standing in front of her. On one hand, she'd loved Leah like a sister. The girl had been her constant companion over the 13 months that she'd lived with the McClarens, and she had trusted her as much as she did her own brother. But now, Tate wasn't sure what to think of her. She hadn't seen Leah in years, and maybe she'd changed. Maybe she'd heard about Tate's accusations and didn't believe her. Or worse, maybe she'd known her father was abusing Tate all those years ago and hadn't done anything to stop it.
Noticing Carter's confused look again, Tate realized she should probably introduce the two.
"Leah, this is my boyfriend, Carter. Carter, this is my old foster sister,".
"Nice to meet you," Carter said, and Leah nodded in response.
"Could um…could we talk?" Leah asked hesitantly.
"Okay," Tate replied quietly.
Leah went over to tell her friends that she'd join them later, and Carter got up from his side of the booth to sit beside Tate.
"Do you want me to stay or go?" Carter asked.
"You should probably go, sorry,".
"It's okay, don't worry about it," he assured her. "Tell you what, I'll go hang at the library on campus and you can meet me there when you're done,".
"No, it's okay, you can head home,".
"And leave you stranded? Even if I wanted to, your dad would kill me".
"Maybe just maim you slightly," she quipped.
Carter noticed Leah heading back towards them, so he gave Tate a quick kiss before grabbing his jacket and heading out onto the street. Leah slid into the seat that Carter had been in and the pair sat in silence for a moment.
"So, what are you doing here?" Tate asked her.
"I'm a sophomore at Georgetown,".
"Yeah, but what are you doing here?".
Tate acknowledged the fact that she was being rude, but she didn't care. Five minutes ago, she'd been enjoying her night with Carter, and now Leah was here, and didn't seem to want to say anything.
"I heard about what you've been saying about my father. Is it true?" Leah asked quietly.
"Yeah, it is,".
"I figured that was the case, you never were one to lie,".
Tate was relieved that Leah believed her and that she hadn't known about the abuse when they were younger. She needed to know that not everyone died or stabbed her in the back; that some people were good and stayed that way. Because Leah knowing about the abuse and not doing anything about it, that would have almost been worse than the abuse itself.
"I'm sorry," Leah said, pulling Tate from her thoughts. "I should have seen what was going on,".
"You couldn't have known. Even your mother didn't," she told Leah.
Tate noticed a flash of pain go across Leah's face, and she remembered that Sarah McClaren had been diagnosed with cancer four years ago.
"Your mother?" she asked.
"She died two years ago," Leah murmured.
"I'm sorry," Tate said.
And she really was. Sarah McClaren was the only foster parent that had ever actually cared about her, who had ever loved her.
"I'm sorry about Theo,".
Tate looked up at Leah in surprise; it hadn't occurred to her that she would have even known about Theo.
"It was in the papers," Leah explained.
"Oh,".
"And you have a family now, right? I mean, I'm assuming only your father would have broken my father's nose,".
"Yeah, Will's pretty great like that," Tate said laughing slightly.
"Listen, I should go, but here," Leah told Tate as she held out a small piece of paper.
"What's this?" Tate asked, taking the paper.
The scrap of paper was blank with the exception of two names: Ginny Harrington and Eliza Parker.
"Those are the only two other girls that ever lived with us. I know you aren't pressing charges, and I figured it was because you didn't have any evidence. I don't know if my father did anything to them, but I thought it was worth a shot," Leah explained.
Tate stared silently at the paper, not quite knowing what to do with the names it held.
"Thanks," she said eventually.
Leah got up from the table and paused for a moment.
"Are you happy?" she asked Tate.
"Yeah, yeah I am," Tate told her without hesitation.
After all, how could she not be? She had parents who loved her, brothers who adored her, a wonderful boyfriend, and amazing friends. She was safe and loved in a way she hadn't been since she was seven years old.
"That's good, you deserve it," Leah said before walking away to join her friends.
Tate sat in the booth for a moment, staring at the paper, before she got up and shoved it in her pocket. Ten minutes later, she arrived at the library where Carter was looking through books.
"Hey, you okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, Leah just wanted to talk," she told him.
"And?" he said, knowing Tate hadn't told him the whole story.
"And give me this," she said, showing him the piece of paper and explaining it to him.
"What are you gonna do with it?".
"I don't know," she replied quietly.
Sure, Tate could give the paper to JJ and Will, and they'd track down the girls. They'd figure out whether or not Tate was the only one, and if she wasn't, then they could press charges. She wasn't sure she wanted to go through the process of pressing charges though. It'd be long, and they might not even win. But maybe one of the other girls had been waiting years to send McClaren to jail, and all they needed was Tate. Or maybe McClaren would find a way to hurt someone else. She had to do something with it, Tate realized.
Carter hadn't said anything else, instead just leaving Tate to collect her thoughts for a few minutes. It was one of her favorite things about him; the way he always understood what she needed.
"I think I'm gonna find them," she told him.
"Good," Carter said.
Carter pulled into the driveway and put the car in park. He looked over at Tate, who had been quiet the entire car ride, and she knew he was worried. Carter hopped out of the jeep and walked around the front to open Tate's door.
"C'mon," he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and steering her towards the porch.
Carter usually didn't take Tate to the door–kissing goodbye in the car was a much safer option with Will inside the house–but he knew Tate needed the support right now. As they walked up the steps to the porch, the front door opened, and Will stood there in front of them. Carter knew it was twenty minutes past Tate's curfew, and she definitely hadn't texted them that she was going to be late. Will was about to say something when he noticed Tate looked slightly pale, and the way Carter seemed to almost be holding her up.
"Everything alright?" he asked the pair.
Tate gave a slight nod, but Will saw Carter shake his head.
"JJ's in the kitchen," Will told Tate, and the girl ducked past him to go see JJ, who had just gotten back from a case.
"What happened?" he asked Carter once Tate was out of earshot.
Carter quickly explained everything that had happened with Leah, and Will glanced towards the kitchen, worried about Tate.
"She deserves a break," Carter said quietly, and Will nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, I know, but she'll be okay. Thanks for getting her home," Will told the boy, and Carter went back to his jeep, pulling out of the driveway a few seconds later.
Will walked back into the kitchen, preparing himself to deal with the aftermath of Leah. But when he got there, he found that Tate was fairly okay. She wasn't fine by any means, but she was certainly much better than how her run-in with McClaren had left her.
Tate and JJ were sitting at the counter, with Tate sipping hot chocolate and JJ drinking coffee. Will poured himself a mug and sat down at the counter across from them.
"So, you want to do this, cheríe?" he asked his daughter, who nodded.
"I need to," she told them.
Will glanced at JJ, knowing she would support this. After all, this is what they had wanted from the start, but Tate hadn't been ready. Tate took a scrap of paper out of her pocket and handed it to JJ, who quickly read the names before pulling out her phone and texting them to someone, probably Garcia.
"Okay, we'll see if we can find them and let you know, alright?" JJ said.
"Okay," Tate replied. "I'm gonna go up to bed,".
"Night, kiddo," Will said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
As Tate headed upstairs, Will turned back to JJ.
"What if she was the only one, or those other girls don't want to testify?" he asked his girlfriend.
"If he did it once, he would have done it before, but if they don't want to testify then…" JJ trailed off.
"Then we're back to square one,".
"Yeah,".
A week later, Will found himself standing outside the door of an apartment. The apartment in question belonged to 22-year-old Eliza Parker, who had lived with the McClarens for five months when she was eleven. Garcia had found her after two days, and discovered she lived in Chicago and was attending Northwestern University. Will lifted his hand and gave three quick raps on the door. A few seconds later, a young woman with light brown hair and hazel eyes answered the door, and Will knew from the picture Garcia had found that it was Eliza.
"Ms. Parker?" he said, even though he knew it was.
"How can I help you?" Eliza asked.
"I'm a detective with the DC police department. I'd like to ask you a few questions about Oliver McClaren if that's alright with you?".
At McClaren's name, Will saw a flash of fear go through the girl's eyes, and he knew. He knew that McClaren had hurt this girl, just like he hurt Tate.
"About what?" she asked stiffly, still not inviting Will inside.
"Did Mr. McClaren ever abuse you?" Will asked, already knowing the answer, but needing her confirmation.
"I think it's best if you leave, Detective," Eliza said, trying to close the door.
Will quickly stuck his foot inside, jamming the door.
"Please. He hurt my daughter, and he's gonna get away with it," he pleaded with the woman.
"Everything alright, babe?" Will heard, and a man entered the living room.
Will could see him looking suspiciously at him, but turned his attention back to Eliza. He slowly removed his foot from between the door, never breaking eye contact with the woman.
"Detective, I'm sorry, I truly am. But I can't help you," she told him and shut the door in his face.
Will sighed and pulled out his phone to call JJ.
"Hey, how'd it go?" she asked, knowing he had gone to see Eliza.
"I'm pretty sure he abused her but she was adamant that she couldn't help,".
"Shit,".
"Yeah, I guess Harrington is our only hope," he said.
"Garcia said she was still in Boston, right?".
"Yeah, I'll fly there before I head home,".
Amelia was staying with the kids while Will was gone since JJ had to go with the team on a case. Tate knew Will was going to talk to Eliza and Ginny, but he decided he wouldn't fill her in until he talked to Ginny.
The next morning, Will wandered through the halls of a dorm building at Boston College. Garcia had been able to find him the number of the dorm that Ginny Harrington lived in, but the place was a maze. Seeing another student walking down the hall, he called out to them.
"Excuse me, do you know where Ginny Harrington lives?".
Being a typical naive college student, the kid didn't even question giving a stranger a young girl's room number and pointed him in the right direction. He knocked on the door and waited until a young girl opened it. Ginny Harrington had flaming red hair, soft gray eyes, and was just over 18 years old. Will could only pray she'd be able to help him. He didn't know what he would do if he had to go back and tell Tate that the man who'd molested her for over a year was going to get away scot-free.
"Ginny Harrington?".
"That's me," she said, giving Will a small smile.
"I'd like to ask you about one of your old foster parents,".
"Which one?".
"Oliver McClaren. He fostered my daughter four years ago," he told the girl.
Will didn't know why he decided to ditch the cop routine and appeal to the girl purely as Tate's father, he just did it. And when Ginny looked at him, a cross between pain and hope in her eyes, he knew he'd made the right decision. Ginny reached into her dorm room and grabbed a coat, before telling her roommate she'd be back later.
"Could we talk somewhere else?" she asked.
"Sure,".
Ginny led him in silence to a small coffee shop, and the pair sat at a table on the patio outside, sipping their drinks.
"So I'm assuming you're trying to put the son of a bitch in jail?" Ginny asked suddenly.
"Yeah but there's no way the charges will stick unless someone else corroborates Tate's story,".
"There's no one else?".
"Another girl, Eliza Parker. I went out to see her in Chicago, but she refused to help," Will explained.
"I can understand that," Ginny said quietly.
For a brief moment, Will panicked. What if Ginny refused to help too? Then, it would all be over, and McClaren would walk free.
"Look, I can't imagine what you went through, but my daughter's only fourteen. She needs to move on, and she can't do that with him walking around. I know it's not fair of me to ask for your help, but please, just give a statement," he begged.
"Okay, I'll help you," Ginny replied after a moment.
"Just like that?".
"Well I hate the man, so yeah, just like that,".
"At least we're in agreement. I broke his nose. And a few ribs,".
Ginny smirked a little at that before sobering again.
"I told my social worker, and he didn't believe me. I told him what McClaren was doing, and they put Tate there anyway," Ginny snapped slightly.
Will clenched his fist, trying to stop himself from losing his temper. The system really had failed Tate in every single way. But finally, someone that had hurt his kid wasn't going to get away with it. McClaren would finally get what was coming for him, and he'd never even think about hurting any kid ever again.
Three weeks later, Tate found herself getting ready to go to the courthouse. It was finally the day of McClaren's trial, and she and Ginny would be testifying against him. JJ had managed to get the day off work, so she and Will would be coming, as well as Beck, who felt that as the only lawyer in the family, he should be there. Tate quickly finished getting ready, and then headed downstairs where Beck, Will, and JJ were waiting. Emily had already arrived, as she would be staying with the boys while everyone else went to the courthouse.
"Hey kiddo," Will said as he spotted Tate coming down the stairs. "Ready to go?".
Was Tate ready? No, definitely not. But it wasn't like she had a choice; if she wanted McClaren to go to jail, she had to do this. Tate had slowly been worrying more and more about testifying as the court date approached. She knew she was going to have to say things she'd never told anyone, except for Abby. She'd have to relive what McClaren did to her, while he was sitting not twenty feet away.
Realizing she hadn't responded to Will, Tate gave a stiff nod, and she could see that he was worried. It's not like she could blame him considering how well the last time Tate saw McClaren went.
"Alright, let's get going then," JJ said.
The LaMontagne family sat on a bench in the courthouse, listening to Ginny testify. McClaren sat at a table in front of them, looking rather bored considering the fact that he might be going to jail. As Ginny continued her testimony, Will felt himself growing rather ill. It was bad enough hearing Ginny talk about the things McClaren had done to her, and he knew it would only be ten times worse having to hear Tate talk about it.
Tate still hadn't really told them much about what happened with McClaren. She'd told Will and JJ about some of her other abusive foster homes, but the only person she ever talked with McClaren about was Abby. JJ was slightly worried that Tate wouldn't be able to go through with testifying, but she hoped that after watching Ginny she'd be less nervous. That was one of the main reasons why their lawyer had suggested Ginny go first; she was more confident while testifying, and she could ease Tate's nerves.
Tate hadn't really been listening to Ginny's testimony. It wasn't like she was trying to ignore her, but every time her eyes drifted over to where McClaren was sitting, she got distracted. He was sitting there without a care in the world, only seeming slightly annoyed at the fact that he was spending his day at court. Beck had told her that McClaren's lawyer probably told him he'd get away with it, which was why he was so relaxed. However, Beck had assured her not to worry, that they had a good shot of getting him sent away.
Beck leaned over and tapped Tate on the shoulder, and she startled slightly. She hadn't even realized Ginny was finished with her testimony, and the lawyers and judge were now waiting on her to go testify.
"Good luck squirt," he said, giving her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before she got up.
Tate slowly headed towards the stand as Ginny got down and went to sit on the bench with the others. She sat down and waited as a bailiff swore her in, before looking towards the lawyer. McClaren's lawyer got to question her first, which Beck warned her would be the worst part.
"Ms. Jacobs, would you mind telling the court in your own words the nature of your relationship with Mr. McClaren?" the man asked.
Tate opened her mouth to speak but found that no words would come. She panicked slightly, before looking towards the bench where everyone was sitting. Three pairs of eyes were looking back at her, all slightly different shades of blue, but all equally reassuring. Tate took a deep breath, looked back at the lawyer, and began.
As Tate climbed down from the stand, the judge announced they would be taking a short recess while she determined the verdict. Will gave Tate a quick hug, before excusing himself and walking out of the courtroom. He hurried down the hall and darted into a bathroom, where he proceeded to vomit into a toilet. Will sat on the floor for a moment, catching his breath as the door creaked open. He glanced up and saw his brother standing in front of him with a sympathetic look plastered on his face.
"You okay?" Beck asked.
"I think you know the answer," Will said.
Frankly, Will was surprised he didn't throw up right there in the courtroom. Listening to Tate's testimony had been the worst half hour of his life. She'd talked about all the ways he'd hurt her, all the ways he'd touched her, all while McClaren sat there with a twisted grin on his face.
Beck reached out and grabbed Will's hand, pulling him to his feet. Will walked over to the sink on unsteady legs to wash his mouth out while his brother stood there.
"How about you?" Will asked, looking at his brother's reflection in the mirror.
"I'm just jealous I didn't get a punch in at the park that day," his brother replied, devoid of his usual humor.
As Will dried his hands, a knock came at the door.
"Guys? The judge is calling us back," JJ called.
Will tossed out the paper towel as Beck opened the door. They stepped out into the hallway to find JJ waiting for them, and Tate and Ginny were about halfway down the hall by a vending machine.
"Everything alright?" JJ asked concerned, and Will noticed Tate glancing their way with a worried look on her face.
"Yeah, everything's fine," Will promised.
The group headed back into the courtroom and took their seats on the bench. After a few minutes, the judge came back in from her chambers, and looked at the small crowd.
"After taking all the testimonies and evidence given today into careful consideration, and after much deliberation I hereby find Oliver McClaren guilty of two counts of child molestation in the first degree. Taking into account Mr. McClaren's actions and the manner in which he took advantage of the children he was supposed to be caring for, I hereby sentence Oliver McClaren to 30 years in prison, with the chance for parole after 20 years," the judge declared as she slammed her gavel down.
Everyone was silent for a moment as McClaren was led away, but then they began to celebrate. Will pulled his daughter in for a hug, and Tate wrapped her arms tightly around him.
"Good job kiddo," he whispered to her.
Tate had done something most grown adults wouldn't do. She'd gone in front of someone who hurt her in the worst way possible, she confronted him, and she won. Pride. It was a feeling he'd felt many times before, but at that moment he knew he'd never been prouder of anyone or anything in his life than he was of Tate
"You have to understand that no one puts their children in a boat unless the water is safer than the land." –Warsan Shire