Chapter Thirty: For The Next Millennium

"I believe in everything until it's disproved. So I believe in fairies, the myths, dragons. It all exists, even if it's in your mind. Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?" –John Lennon

JJ glanced down at Tate as they walked through the campus, watching as the girl observed her surroundings. As promised, JJ had taken her to see Harvard and they had just finished up with the tour.

"So what'd you think of it?" JJ asked Tate.

"It's nice," Tate replied.

Despite Grant having spent four years at the university, Tate had never gotten the chance to visit it. However, she could see why he loved it so much. It was almost summer and the campus was beautiful; the grass was almost unnaturally green, the flowers were in full bloom, and plenty of students were out sitting on the common, either studying or meeting up with friends.

"Just don't forget about Yale, hm?" JJ reminded her. Despite the fact that JJ had offered to take Tate to see Harvard, Yale was still her alma mater and she wouldn't let it be overlooked.

"Oh, I could never," Tate quipped.

"Anywhere else you want to look?".

"Columbia and Princeton maybe,".

"Nothing out west?" JJ asked.

"Too far, I wanna be on the East Coast," Tate explained.

JJ couldn't help but smile knowing Tate wanted to stay close to home. She knew it was going to be hard enough for her and Will to let Tate go off to college, and it would only be harder if she was going thousands of miles away.

"Have Noah and Carter been looking at schools?" JJ inquired.

"Noah's looking at NYU and Carter committed to Stanford for soccer,".

"Piece of advice, don't be the girl that follows her boyfriend to college,".

Tate went silent for a minute and JJ wondered if she'd said the wrong thing.

"I don't think that'll be a problem," Tate told JJ as she fiddled with her necklace.

"What do you mean?" JJ asked, slightly confused.

"We sorta broke up,".

JJ stopped in the middle of the path and turned to look at Tate. How had she not known her daughter had broken up with her boyfriend? What kind of mother doesn't realize things like that? The last time she'd seen Carter, everything had been fine, and he and Tate had been perfectly happy.

"What happened?" JJ asked quietly.

If Carter had done something even a little fishy, JJ would finally let Will loose on him. She'd stopped Will from going after Carter before, but if he'd hurt Tate in any way, well then JJ would just look the other way this time.

"Nothing really, we just decided we were better off as friends," Tate said, shrugging her shoulders.

"You're sure?" JJ asked, and Tate nodded in confirmation.

"It's better this way,".

JJ hesitated for a moment, not sure if she should ask Tate the question she wanted to.

"You and Carter never…you know?" JJ asked slowly.

Tate blushed slightly and shook her head, and JJ couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief. She hadn't really thought they were having sex, but it was nice to know for sure. Tate was only fifteen, after all, and with everything that had happened with McClaren, JJ didn't think it'd be a good idea.

"I didn't want to, and Carter was fine with it,".

Tate's response surprised JJ slightly. Sure, Carter was a nice kid, but he was almost seventeen, a hormonal teenage boy.

"I told him about McClaren," Tate said quietly once she'd sensed JJ's confusion.

That stunned JJ even more. Tate hated talking about her time in foster care with anyone and basically refused to speak about it to someone that wasn't Abby. She'd told JJ and Will some things, but the fact that she'd talked to Carter about it told JJ that they were more serious than she'd thought.

"Did he ask to break up or did you?" JJ asked.

"I did, but he agreed it was a good idea,".

Tate had felt awful about bringing it up, but both she and Carter had decided it was time to end things. There had, of course, been other reasons why Tate no longer wanted to date Carter, but JJ didn't need to know that. By the time they broke up, she and Carter had been together for six months and he'd never been anything but perfect, but Tate just didn't want to do it anymore.

"Does Will know?".

"Nope, and neither does Abby,".

JJ smiled slightly at that, secretly happy she'd been the first to know. It was a sign that she wasn't failing with Tate as much as she thought she was.

As their trip to Boston was coming to an end, Tate and JJ had one more thing left to do. JJ had been unsure about whether or not to bring it up to Tate at first, but eventually managed to ask the girl. JJ pulled over to the side of the small dirt road and put the car in park before the pair got out and began navigating their way through the maze of headstones. The cemetery was basically empty but instead of being eery, it was just peaceful. The sun was shining brightly directly over their heads and the sound of birds chirping kept it from being silent.

When they finally arrived at the three headstones beneath the large oak tree at the edge of the property, JJ was startled to find someone already there, crouched in front of Theo's stone in the center. Tate, however, recognized the head of bright red hair immediately.

"Mack?" she called, and the young man in front of them turned around and sprang to his feet.

JJ looked over at the man as he stood up. His hair was almost an unnatural shade of red and he had a pair of startlingly blue eyes to match. He was quite tall, at least 6'3, and was fairly tan, although JJ could tell he must have been pale at some point.

Tate threw her arms around Mack and he let out a laugh as she hugged him tightly.

"Hey a chuilein," he greeted her.

"What are you doing here?" Tate asked him excitedly.

Mack had been the third musketeer to Theo and Grant, but she hadn't seen him in well over two years. He was slightly different than she remembered, tanner and leaner, with his hair cut a bit shorter, but it was still the same Mack she'd grown up around.

"I'm home on leave," he explained as Tate broke away from him, and she noticed him glancing towards JJ.

"Seo do mhàthair?" the man said in a language JJ didn't recognize, but she knew he'd asked a question. Tate hesitated for a moment before nodding in response and glancing over at JJ.

"JJ, this is Mack, he's Theo and Grant's best friend. Mack, this is JJ," Tate said, introducing them.

"Owen Mackenzie," Mack said as he stuck out his hand for JJ to shake.

"Jennifer Jareau," JJ replied, shaking the young man's hand.

"Nice to meet you,".

"What language was that?" JJ asked curiously.

JJ knew several languages, and could at least recognize several more, but she didn't think she'd ever heard the one Mack spoke.

"It's Gaelic, my parents made me learn it growing up. We're Scottish, in case you couldn't tell by the red hair," he said, flashing her a grin.

"You speak Gaelic?" JJ asked, looking towards Tate.

"Mhm, Thomas taught it to Theo and I. I don't really have much use for it now but.." Tate trailed off. "Anyways, how long are you home for?" she asked Mack.

It was always a simple thing that reminded JJ how little she knew about her daughter. Granted, she'd known that Tate could speak three languages besides English–Spanish, French, and German–but Tate had never given any indication that she spoke Gaelic. Judging from their conversation, JJ knew that the Jacobs family must have spoken it quite often, and yet JJ never even knew about it.

"Just two weeks this time," Mack informed her apologetically.

"You're in the military?" JJ asked.

"Yeah, I've been in Afghanistan for a while now,".

"I heard they're pretty desperate for people to enlist right now,".

"Don't I know it," he replied bitterly. "I couldn't even make it home for Theo's funeral. Sorry about that by the way," he said looking over at Tate.

"It's okay, it's not your fault," Tate assured him.

Mack and Grant had been like brothers to Theo, and she knew how much it hurt Mack that he hadn't been able to come. If she hadn't been able to go to her brother's funeral and say goodbye, she would've been heartbroken, and she knew Mack felt the same way.

"Is Grant around? I would've thought you two would be spending as much time together as you can while you're home," JJ wondered.

Mack cut his eyes over to Tate and hesitated for a moment before responding.

"Richard's been sick recently," he said quietly.

"Richard?".

"His father," Tate told her.

"Oh,".

"It's complicated," Mack told her.

"Is he gonna be okay?" Tate asked.

"They're not sure. It's not looking good this time,".

Grant never spoke much about his parents, but JJ had managed to read between the lines and figure out that he didn't have a great relationship with them. He spent most of his time off from school or around the holidays visiting Tate or other friends, and JJ was pretty sure he rarely went home.

"Listen, I told my mom I'd meet her for lunch so I better get going. How long are you guys staying in town for?" Mack asked.

"We leave tomorrow morning, but we could meet up for dinner," JJ offered.

After they had finalized plans for dinner, Mack started heading down the hill towards his car and JJ turned her attention back to Tate, who had sat down in Mack's previous spot in front of the headstones.

"Do you want me to wait in the car?" JJ asked her.

"Do you mind?" Tate said apologetically.

"Not at all," JJ assured her.

If anyone knew the pain of having lost a sibling at a young age, it was JJ, which was how she knew most people didn't want someone watching them while they talked to their sibling's grave.

Once she was sure JJ was out of earshot, Tate turned back to the three headstones in front of her. They were all identical in shape, with Theo's being slightly lighter in color since it was newer.
His full name, Theodore Macaulay Jacobs, was carved into the smooth stone right above his birth and death date. Unlike his parents' headstones, his had a quote on it. Dum Spiro Spero: while I breathe, I hope.

Like the rest of the Jacobs family, Theo had been an avid reader, and the simple quote had always been one of his favorites. Tate hadn't noticed it at the funeral, which was the last time she'd been to see her brother's grave. She silently thanked Grant in her head, as he was the only one who would've thought to put the quote on since Mack had been overseas and Tate was too distraught to be of any help planning a funeral. Tate then had the sudden realization that Grant must have planned the entire funeral, as there was clearly no one else that would have done it. She felt slightly nauseous at the thought that he must've had to pick out a coffin, flowers, a headstone, and do everything else all by himself, but it only made her all the more grateful for him.

"Hey Teddy," she greeted him quietly, using the nickname he always complained about. "You'd probably think this is stupid, me sitting here talking to what is basically an empty box. Then again, it's not like we ever had the chance to visit Mom and Dad, so maybe you would've wanted to,".

She paused and exhaled slightly, pulling some strands of grass that she'd been fiddling with up from the ground, before realizing that ruining the landscaping was probably frowned upon.

"I…I just wanted to tell you I'm okay and you don't have to worry anymore. I mean, that's assuming dead people can still be worried. But…just know that I'm okay, alright?".

The wind whipped across the harbor as the moon rose over Boston. JJ, Mack, and Tate had just finished having dinner and JJ had decided to go back to the hotel to give Mack and Tate some more time together before they had to head home in the morning. Which is how Tate and Mack found themselves wandering through the streets of Boston in the dark eating fresh cannolis they'd just picked up from a bakery.

"So, what's really going on with Grant?" Tate asked now that JJ was gone.

She knew it wasn't that Mack was lying to JJ on purpose, but rather he didn't want to break Grant's trust, and his relationship with his father was something he typically avoided talking about.

"You know how he and Richard are," Mack told her.

Grant's mother had died when he was younger, leaving Grant alone with his father at just ten years old. Richard Sullivan was a businessman at heart and had constantly traveled the country, leaving Grant home with a nanny. He'd never been a loving, doting father, and as Grant often said, probably shouldn't have ever been one in the first place.

"So, he's with Richard right now?".

"Yeah, he's been avoiding him the best he can since he left for college but the man's dying so…" Mack trailed off.

"So he's trying to fix things?" Tate asked.

Mack sighed before shaking his head.

"They can't fix things, there's just too much that's gone wrong between them. Thomas would have done anything for Theo, but Richard isn't like that. He barely wanted to be around Grant,".

Tate absorbed Mack's explanation, but something about what he said nagged at her.

"You said Theo," she stated.

"What?" Mack asked, confused.

"Thomas would've done anything for Theo, that's what you said,".

Mack glanced at her apologetically before shoving his hands in his pocket and looking away. He sighed heavily and seemed to be trying to figure out what to say.

"You don't have to lie, I already know," she told him.

He snapped his head in her direction and seemed slightly startled before a look of pity washed over his face.

"I-we always hoped you wouldn't notice,".

"It's hard not to notice your father doesn't love you," she said quietly.

"It wasn't like that…it's just…" Mack fumbled trying to come up with an explanation.

"It's fine, Mack, it is what it is,".

"He didn't hate you," was all Mack could manage.

"That's because the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. For him to hate me, he would've had to actually feel something towards me and he couldn't even do that," Tate replied, sniffling slightly.

She willed herself not to get upset over it. Thomas had never paid any attention to her, so he didn't deserve to have Tate getting upset over him. But as hard as she tried to pretend it didn't, it hurt. Knowing that her father—one half of her DNA, the man who was supposed to care for her and protect her—didn't love her, hurt. Especially since Thomas had adored Theo. He'd loved his son more than life itself, and yet couldn't be bothered to care even a little bit about his other child.

"Hey," Mack said, stopping and grabbing her by the shoulders to make Tate look him in the eye. "It's not your fault, okay? He was an asshole and there's nothing you could've done about that. Trust me when I say you're better off without him,".

"What about Lauren?" she asked quietly, and she could see the pain in Mack's eyes as he tried to think of something, anything, to say.

"I think she loved you as much as she could," he said honestly, and Tate couldn't help but scoff.

"That's bullshit. Parents… they're supposed to love their kids, everyone knows that. JJ and Will would do anything for Kit and Henry-".

"And for you, from what I hear," Mack cut her off. "Look, some people aren't meant to be parents, okay? I don't know why they loved Theo and not you, but that's on them, alright?".

Tate nodded slightly and Mack wrapped an arm around her and led them over to a bench. As they sat down, Tate could tell he wanted to ask something.

"You don't call JJ 'Mom'" Mack noted, and all Tate could do was shrug in response.

"Do you call Will 'Dad'"? he asked, and Tate shook her head. "Why not?".

"I just…I feel like it'd be betraying them somehow," Tate tried to explain.

"No offense kid, but I'm pretty sure we just talked about how they didn't give a shit about you," he said as gently as he could.

Tate didn't say anything and simply stared at the grass between her feet. She wasn't really sure what was preventing her from calling JJ and Will mom and dad, but all she knew was whenever she even thought about it, something in her head made her stop. And it was true, what Mack said; Lauren and Thomas Jacobs didn't care about her, so why should she feel bad about replacing them with parents who actually loved her?

"It's not Lauren and Thomas you're worried about. It's Theo, isn't it?" Mack asked.

"They were our parents,".

"You finding a family with parents that love you, that doesn't make him any less your brother," Mack told her.

"He always did everything for me and I'm just replacing him,".

"You're right, he did do everything. But he should have never had to do half the things he did for you," Mack said firmly.

Tate looked at him and when he saw she was about to disagree he spoke again.

"Yes, he was your brother, and that came with responsibilities. But he should have never had to look out for you the way he did, he shouldn't have had to be a parent to you. And he knew he wasn't enough. So he would've been happy, that you finally have a real parent to love you,"

"He was enough," she said quietly.

"Did you ever think that maybe you thought he was enough because you had nothing to compare it to?".

Tate wanted to argue with him, but she knew he was right. Theo had done his best, but he could never be the parent Tate needed. She could still remember being in elementary school and watching other kids get picked up by their parents. They'd get hugged and asked about their day, and while Theo would do the same for her, she always longed to have what her classmates did.

"This is all he ever wanted for you, kid, I promise you that,".

"You know, you're almost as good as Grant with the pep talks," Tate quipped.

Mack huffed slightly before laughing.

"Almost as good? I like to think I'm better," he replied.

"He would've brought ice cream," Tate argued.

"Oh. Well, that's something that can easily be rectified," Mack said standing up.

"The future is too good to waste on lies. And life is way too short to care for the damnation of others, as well as to spend it helping fools with their ideas that are wrong." –Bowe Bergdahl