You might not believe it when you first read the words above, my dearest. It sounds like something out of a fairy tale, or perhaps a horror story.
I did not know what to do next. I could not kill Lord Pembridge's brother. Now he knew that I knew of his brother's existence, he would be on high alert for me to do such a thing. Especially after I attempted to stake him in his sleep.
But I found I could not leave either. How could I leave Harker Hall knowing the truth and leaving others to the potential fate? Was I responsible for the vampire's actions? No. But I still felt I had the power to stop something bad happening.
The following day, Christmas Day, we all went to church for the sermon. I waited after the sermon and found an excuse to talk to Mr Brown. He is a calming presence, even now. Eventually, I had to leave.
Miss Matsuzaki cooked a wonderful dinner for everyone. The servants all had their own celebration in the kitchens. They were so loud we could hear them two floors up, but no one minded. It had been a tough year and having lost one of their own, it felt appropriate to allow them this freedom.
"Miss Mori?" Mai piped up some time after dinner on Christmas Day.
"Yes, my Lady?"
"How would you go about advising someone who is gripped by a terrible vice. For example…" She thought for a moment. "Gambling. Say you know a man that has been corrupted by gambling, to the point that it is hurting his family and can only get worse. You've tried reasoned argument with him, but he is sure he has it under control. How would you advise such a person?"
"What a question for such a time," Madoka exclaimed. "I have had some wine, Lady Astley, so I am not best placed for such advice."
"I will take your drunken suggestions nevertheless."
Madoka pressed a finger to her lips.
"You say that reasoned argument has failed? This man is lost then. If he is lost to reason, he will not see the truth of the matter until a true tragedy hits. It is so often the way that people have to realise for themselves their folly and no amount of assistance will get them there faster."
"So I, as the friend of this gambling man, should just sit by and watch?" Mai asked.
"It will be painful no doubt, to see your friend hurt, but I do not think you can do much else. Who is this friend?"
"Oh, just a character in a book," Mai lied. "I could not think how I would address the situation these characters found themselves in."
"You are very pensive about this matter," Madoka commented.
"Yes," Mai agreed. "I was thinking how often it is the case that we want to help someone, but we are unable to do so because they do not yet want to be helped."
The two women did not speak for some time, before Madoka broke the silence.
"May I ask what happened between you and Lord Pembridge? You are not… You seemed quite close, for a moment?"
"For a moment, perhaps. But nothing has come of it. I think that is for the best. He needs a wife that wants what he does in life."
"You do not want the same things?" Madoka asked.
"No. For example, I want a family and children. He does not. I want a house where I can visit all of the rooms… He does not."
Madoka laughed as if Mai had told a joke.
"The workmen he trusts for the renovation are working on another job right now. The West Wing will be fixed soon enough."
Mai did not argue with her.
"What of you and Mr Lin?" she asked instead.
Madoka turned a beautiful shade of red and looked away.
"I do not know what you are talking about."
"So, I was correct in my supposition?"
"Lady Astley, please, I do not—"
"I think Mr Lin is a fine man. If he had land of his own, it would be a perfect match. He is a hard worker."
"Yes, he is, very much so," Madoka relented. "But it can never work out between us, you know this."
"In truth, I think it all depends on how much you care for your family's opinion and your own happiness."
"It is a passing fancy," she insisted. "It will pass."
On St Stephen's Day, Mai assisted in giving the servants their boxes before going for her daily walk. She had come to know the grounds of Harker Hall quite well and enjoyed seeing how the little things had changed during her short time there.
When she had first arrived, the trees had been full of browning leaves. But now, they were stark and bare. The ground had been green with grass and the fields half full of crops about to be harvested. And now they were white, laden with snow.
The wildlife was scarcer now. The occasional deer or rabbit could be seen, but they were much less frequent. Mai looked forward to the coming weeks, spring was not too far away and the idea of new life filled her with joy.
When she arrived back at the house, Lin was waiting for her.
"Lord Pembridge wishes to see you in the library, my Lady."
"Right this moment?"
"No doubt he will not mind you changing your shoes, but I believe he would appreciate you sooner rather than later."
Mai sighed, changed her shoes and left her slightly damp coat by a fire to dry. She walked to the library in no great rush and found Lord Pembridge sat by the fire with a book.
"You sent for me, my Lord?"
"Yes, I have a letter here from Mr Brown. He is holding a small gathering on New Year's Day. A dinner, the usual activities. He says in his letter that he sent out initial invitations when we were in London and he had received no reply. I think his letter got lost in the pile of unopened correspondence I found upon my return. He wants to know if we are to attend."
"You made it quite clear you do not care for society, I am surprised you have not already replied in the negative."
"You were also mentioned on the invitation. It would be rude for me not to offer it to you. Besides, aren't you looking for a husband."
"And you think I will find one in Mr Brown?"
"You could do much worse. He would care for you."
"He would indeed care for me, but I believe him to be married to the church. I would not want to be second to something else in his life."
"You mean he does not earn enough for your liking."
"His income does not concern me. I have my own fortune," Mai stated. "But it would be beneath my station to marry an untitled man of no fortune."
"Do you wish to attend his gathering or not?"
"I would be delighted to attend," Mai said. "Perhaps he has friends I have not met. Or perhaps I shall take another trip to London. There were plenty of handsome young men there."
"You seek to provoke me?" he asked, one eyebrow raised. "You think I will be jealous of this?"
"Not in the slightest, Lord Pembridge. Merely informing you of my potential future plans. I am sure Mr Berkeley would like to continue our book exchange."
And with that, Mai strode out of the library.
Though Mai had returned to sleeping in her bed, she had not stopped locking her door at night. She had no idea whether it would actually help her or not, but she thought that at the very least, it would slow any potential intruders down.
This worked out somewhat well. At some point late at night, there was a crash against her door.
Mai sat bolt upright and grabbed the letter opener she had kept by her pillow.
"Who is it?" she demanded in the direction of the door.
"Lady Astley, it's me," Madoka's voice hissed back.
"Miss Mori?" Mai scrambled out of bed and unlocked the door to let her in. "What on earth are you doing up this late? You are still dressed?"
Mai shut the door behind her friend before grabbing her dressing gown, the warmth of the fire in her room was long gone.
"I went for a walk," Madoka said. "It is freezing in this room!"
"Come, get in my bed. It is warmer behind the curtains and under blankets. Take your shoes off."
The two women scrambled into the warmth of the bed.
"Why would you go for a walk at this time of night?"
"I could not sleep. I have been thinking over what you said to me, about Mr Lin."
"Oh… And what came of these thoughts?"
"Nothing helpful. So I went for a walk. You so often go for a walk when you are pensive and it seems to help you so I thought I would attempt it—"
"In the middle of the night?"
"Yes, I was not thinking clearly. But I fear I am now ruined."
"Ruined? How have you ruined yourself by going for a walk?" Mai asked. "Miss Mori, what happened? Did someone hurt you?"
"No, no, no…" Madoka pushed her head into the pillow to hide her face from Mai.
"Miss Mori," Mai repeated. "What happened to you?"
"I only wandered the halls," Madoka whispered. "It is far too cold to go outside and I am not that foolish."
"And? You are torturing me!"
"I bumped into Mr Lin. He scolded me for being up so late. Saying it was not good for my health and the like. He said he would escort me back to my bedchamber and he begged I would not leave again until I was well rested."
"Well you did not do that, did you."
"You will know full well why I did not do that if you let me finish," Madoka scolded. "We reached my door and I turned to face him. He told me he wished I would have a restful night's sleep and he said it with such tenderness…
Mai frowned a little, not able to imagine Lin being tender. He always came across as rather stern to her. She did not voice this, and Madoka continued.
"So I reached up and kissed him on the cheek."
Mai's eyes widened in alarm.
"Miss Mori! What would possess you to do such a thing?!"
"He kissed me back," Madoka blurted. "On the lips."
Mai rolled over in the bed onto her back and stared at the ceiling for a moment, before turning back to face Madoka.
"And did anyone see you?"
"No. And I ran into my room and shut the door and listened until he left before I ran here! Am I ruined, Lady Astley?"
"I do not know for sure. If no one saw you, then perhaps you are not ruined. I think Mr Lin can be trusted not to break his silence over this. I do not think he is the type to gossip."
"Oh…"
"How did you even get to know him so well?"
"I mean he has always been kind to me, but when you and Lord Pembridge went to London… Mr Lin asked for my help in running the household a little. I stood in as the Lady of the house, so to speak. It was not much, mostly checking up on some of the maids and the like, but he seemed to value it. I also assisted with some of the bookkeeping. I have a good eye for numbers and so we spent several long evenings talking and…"
She sighed.
"I see… Come, take off your stays, you can sleep here for the night. You would not want Mr Lin to find you out and about again or you really shall be ruined."
Author's note: Oh Madoka, what are you like?!