The next morning, Harley woke up to hysterical laughter. "Harley girl, rise and shine!" exclaimed Joker, banging open the door to their bedroom. He had something clutched in his hand and was beaming from ear to ear. "Get dressed in your Sunday best - we've got some Christmas shopping to do!"
"Oh…yeah?" stammered Harley, rubbing her eyes as she sat up. The hyenas, which were curled up next to her on the bed, yawned and stretched, wagging their tails. "You feeling better, Mr. J?"
"Now you know me, pumpkin, I'm never in a bad mood for long!" chuckled Joker, bending down to kiss her nose. "You can't keep a frown on this face, not when I've got so many things to smile about! Now c'mon, up and at 'em! I wanna get to Bergduffs nice and early, before the Christmas shopping crowds form!"
"Bergduffs?" repeated Harley, confused. She noticed that Mr. J was holding the catalogue, and her heart leaped. "Did you see something you wanted for Christmas in there, Mr. J?" she asked hopefully.
"Pumpkin pie, Christmas isn't a time to be thinking of myself," said Joker, smiling at her. "It's a time to be thinking of the people we love. In my case, it's a time to be thinking of you," he added, planting a kiss on her lips. "And I know there's something in here my baby girl wants, isn't there?"
"There's about a million things," agreed Harley. "But we can't afford most of 'em…"
"Money's no object, pooh bear!" interrupted Joker. "You deserve something nice for Christmas, and you're gonna get something nice for Christmas! Now get dressed so you can show Daddy what you want at the store."
Harley hurried to obey him, surprised and pleased. But in the back of her mind was a nagging suspicion – it wasn't like Mr. J to be this nice and generous for no reason. He had to be up to something. He was the Joker, after all, so he had to have a joke up his sleeve.
They arrived at the huge department store, which was already crowded with customers, but they gave them a wide berth, particularly as Harley had brought the hyenas along. Everywhere she looked there was something she wanted, some fancy piece of jewelry or item of clothing. But the instant her eyes fell on the beautiful mink coat, she fell in love. She raced over to it, seizing it off the hanger.
"Oh my God, it's so soft!" she exclaimed, feeling it. "And gorgeous!"
"And you would just look a picture in it, dollface," commented Joker, smiling at her.
Harley glanced at the price tag and paled. "Puddin', there's no way we can afford this…" she began.
"I told you, what my baby wants, my baby gets," interrupted Joker, taking the coat from her. "Now why don't you take the mutts outta here before they make a mess in the store, while I go pay for this?"
"The checkout line don't look too long, puddin' – we can wait with you," said Harley. "And I'm sure people will let you go straight to the front when they recognize you…"
"No, you go, and I'll see you outside," interrupted Joker, his smile looking a little forced.
"Why doncha want me waiting with you?" asked Harley, suspiciously.
"Maybe because I want to surprise you with something else!" snapped Joker. "Because I'm a nice and generous guy like that! Now get your useless ass outside before I kick it there myself!"
"All right," muttered Harley, dragging the hyenas away. She glanced back at Joker, who joined the line with the mink coat in his hands. She left the store, and then tied the hyenas to a lamp post outside. "Mommy will be right back, babies," she reassured them, as she snuck back inside the store and crept over to where the Joker was checking out.
She ducked unobtrusively behind the shelves and listened to him saying, "I'd like this gift-wrapped, please, in one of your trademarked Bergduff boxes, with ribbons and paper and all the trimmings."
"Yes, sir," said the cashier, nodding. "I presume this is a present for the ebullient Miss Quinn?"
"Yeah, it's gonna be a nice surprise for her," said Joker, nodding. "She deserves something really special for the special kinda gal she is."
"Indeed, sir," agreed the cashier, placing the coat in a box.
"You guys provide an in-store delivery service for expensive items like this, don't you?" asked Joker, casually. "I read it in your catalogue this morning - you send employees out to deliver packages from your store directly to people's homes on Christmas day, is that right?"
"Yes, sir," said the cashier, nodding. "It's a guaranteed Christmas day delivery service our customers can take advantage of, rather than trusting the overburdened post office for their important deliveries. On Christmas day, your intended recipient will get a knock on their door and will be handed a parcel from Bergduffs with compliments from the store."
"That's exactly what I want," said Joker, nodding. "A parcel from Bergduffs with compliments from the store, with no way to associate it with me, or trace it back to me. And no reason to be suspicious of it."
"Would you like this parcel delivered on Christmas day, sir?" asked the cashier.
"No, I'll take it with me today," said Joker. "But if I change my mind later, if the kid gets nosy and starts sniffing around the box, and I need to keep it away from her prying eyes to preserve the surprise, could I return it to the store and have you deliver it on Christmas?"
"Yes, sir, that's our policy," said the cashier, nodding. "Anything bought in store valued at over $100 is eligible for our Christmas day delivery service, as long as you have the store receipt."
"That's excellent customer service, it really is," said Joker. "I'll be doing all my shopping in this store from now on – you're really in the spirit of the season with your kindness and generosity. And I'll be sure to keep that receipt," he added, as the cashier handed him the wrapped box.
"That'll be $2000, sir," said the cashier, ringing up the price tag.
To Harley's surprise, Joker reached into his wallet and counted out $2000. "And there's a nice Christmas bonus for yourself, my good man," he added, handing him a $20 bill.
"Thank you, sir," said the cashier. "There's your receipt," he added, handing it to him. Joker tucked it safely away in his wallet, and then picked up the box, tipping his hat at the cashier.
"Happy holidays to you!" he said cheerfully, whistling as he walked away.
Harley raced out of the store and hurried to untie the hyenas. When Joker came out of the building, she leaned casually against the lamp post and pretended she had been there the entire time. "Well, that didn't take long," she commented.
"Nope. I don't know why people complain about the stress of Christmas shopping - it's always been a piece of cake for me," said Joker, as they climbed into the Jokermobile which was parked outside the store. "People are always insisting I go first, and are extra polite to me at the checkout counter. It must be my sunny disposition infecting everyone I meet."
"So I can't wear my coat until Christmas, huh?" sighed Harley, as she glanced at the box label which read: Do not open until Christmas!
"No reason to wait, cupcake," said Joker, carefully unwrapping the box, which was unusual for him. But he took great care in undoing the ribbon and making sure the paper didn't tear. Once the package was open, however, he casually picked up the mink coat and tossed it at her. "There you go, kid – merry early Christmas," he said.
"Gee, thanks, puddin'!" exclaimed Harley, sincerely. "I just love it! So…what was the surprise that meant I couldn't wait in line with you?"
"The what now?" asked Joker, clearly confused.
"I said I could wait with you to box this up, and you sent me and the babies outta the store because you said you might wanna surprise me with something else," reminded Harley.
"Yes, I said I might want to surprise you with something else," agreed Joker. "Turns out I didn't. So that's that."
"What are you gonna do with the box, puddin'?" she asked, watching him carefully replace the paper and ribbon so it looked like it hadn't been opened.
"Nothing, pooh," said Joker, smiling at her. "I just think it's a pretty box, and it'd be a shame to ruin it. Never know when a nice box will come in handy," he chuckled, his eyes glowing as he stared at it.
"Puddin'...you're not still thinking of a way to kill Harvey, are you?" asked Harley, slowly.
"Now why would I do a thing like that, pooh?" asked Joker, innocently, as he started the car. "Forgive and forget, that's me. I'm not the type of guy to hold a grudge, you know that."
"Yeah," agreed Harley, secretly thinking he was exactly that type of guy. "You've just been acting kinda funny with this great spontaneous gift, and the box thing…you sure you're not up to something?"
"Doncha trust me, pumpkin pie?" asked Joker, smiling at her.
Harley wasn't an idiot, so she didn't. She vowed to keep a watchful eye on the Joker until she could discover what kind of horrible joke he had planned. She only hoped she could figure it out before someone got hurt.