"Puddin', c'mon!" called Harley, holding open the front door with the hyenas' leashes in her hands. "The babies need to go out now or they're going on the floor! And you'll have to clean it up this time, because I ain't gonna!"
"I'm coming!" snapped Joker, grabbing his coat off the rack and putting on his hat. "Where's your mink coat?" he asked, noticing she was wearing her usual red and black fur-trimmed coat.
"Aw, it's too nice to take out on a walk – I'm saving it for special occasions," invented Harley.
"Oh, and going out on the town with me and the babies ain't a special occasion?" demanded Joker.
"Of course it is, puddin' – anytime I'm with you is special," purred Harley, kissing his cheek.
"So why doncha wear your coat?" asked Joker.
"Because I don't wanna, all right?" snapped Harley.
"Don't you like it?" demanded Joker. "After I spend two grand on it, I expect you to wear it! That's a lotta money to waste!"
"Puddin', we don't have time to argue about this right now – the babies gotta go!" snapped Harley, as the hyenas tugged and whined on their leashes. "Now c'mon!" she snapped, grabbing him by his bowtie and dragging him out of the hideout. "And don't sulk!" she snapped, as he glared at her, shoving his hands into his pockets. "You sulked about Harvey for days, and I don't want you sulking over this coat now! Christmas is just around the corner, and it's the season of happiness and joy, so just get with the program!"
"I have every right to sulk!" he snapped. "I buy my gal a gorgeous gift, something beautiful and tasteful and expensive, and she doesn't even wanna wear it! You're an ungrateful little brat, Harley Quinn!"
"Look, I took it back to the store, all right?" snapped Harley. "There was…a tear in the lining," she invented. "And I asked if they could fix it, and then deliver it on Christmas Day, and they said they would."
"Why didn't you just tell me that?" he demanded.
"Because I thought you'd get mad that it was torn," she retorted. "Maybe you'd go to the store and yell at them for selling damaged products, and then things would escalate, because they always do, and then the Bat would show up or something. I just didn't want the headache tonight," she sighed, looking around at the twinkling Christmas lights that decorated the city. "I just wanted a walk in a winter wonderland with my babies, and my puddin'," she said, reaching into his pocket and taking his hand. He grunted, but didn't draw it away.
"It is good to get outta the hideout and get some fresh air," he said at last. "I've been cooped up in there a long time. But then I do lose track of time when I'm working."
"Don't I know it," replied Harley. "You need a Christmas vacation, Mr. J."
"I'm on one now, kiddo," he said, pinching her cheek affectionately. "Got all my Christmas plotting out of the way early this year."
"Oh…yeah?" asked Harley, casually. "Planned something special for the Bat? Or one of our fellow criminals, maybe?"
"You'll have to see on Christmas Day – it's gonna be a great surprise!" retorted Joker with a grin. He giggled to himself as they walked on, and Harley wondered just how angry he would be when he found out that the package for Two-Face had been misdelivered to the blown out warehouse. She hoped he wouldn't take his anger out at the store, but it was better an employee there died than one of their oldest friends.
"You got me such a nice present for Christmas, but I still don't know what to buy for you," she said, voicing a worry that was nagging on her mind. "You wanna give me any ideas?"
"You know me, pooh – I'm a simple man with simple tastes," replied Joker. "You don't have to fork out on mink coats for me."
"I wasn't planning to," she retorted. "But you gotta want something."
"I want a world where everyone is always laughing," replied Joker.
"I don't think I can fit that under the tree," retorted Harley. "Can't you just be like a normal guy for once and want, I don't know, a watch or something?"
"You wouldn't love me if I was a normal guy, and don't pretend you would," he retorted, kissing her cheek.
"I guess not," she agreed. "But I also want you to have something nice to open on Christmas Day."
"I'm happy just spreading the joy of the season around!" chuckled Joker. "The spirit of kindness and charity is more than enough for me, and I can afford to be generous. I'll definitely be thinking of others this Christmas Day!" he giggled.
The thought of murdering Two-Face had clearly put Joker in a better mood, as he removed their hands from his pocket, and slid his arm around her waist instead, taking one of the hyena's leashes from her. Harley leaned against his shoulder, sighing in delight at one of the few rare moments in her life where she could just enjoy quality time with the man she loved.
But this was short-lived. They rounded the corner, where a group of Christmas carolers was singing We Wish You a Merry Christmas. "Oooh, Harl, find some change to give these people!" exclaimed Joker. "This is my favorite Christmas carol! I love how the premise of the song is to just barge into someone's home, demand obscure desserts, and then refuse to leave until they get some. They just continue to torment the listener with singing until they meet their demands. My kinda people!"
"Ok, puddin'," agreed Harley, fishing around in her pockets. "I gotta have some change somewhere."
She relaxed her grip on Lou's leash as she hunted around for change, and the hyena approached the carolers, sniffing the can in front of them, in which they were collecting coins. The can happened to be an old dog food can, which hadn't been cleaned enough to wash away the lingering smell of processed meat. He began licking it furiously, while one of the carolers bent down to move it out of his reach. He snarled, snapping at him, and his brother joined him in snarling, leaping out of Joker's grip to attack the carolers. They began to panic and scatter as the hyenas chased after them, leaping on two unfortunates and tackling them to the ground. Harley raced over to try to help them up while Joker tried to grab the hyenas' collars to pull them off. But this wasn't what it looked like to anyone watching from above.
Batman suddenly dropped down from the roof of the nearby building. "Attacking a group of carolers collecting for charity is a pretty sick joke, even for you," he growled.
"What joke is there in that?" demanded Joker, "Anyway, it's nothing personal – these dumb mutts just want food! You'd think they were starved at home or something! You didn't forget to feed 'em again, did you, Harley?"
"No, I didn't!" snapped Harley. "They're just always hungry, and they'll eat anything! Including a Bat-etizer!" she shouted, whistling loudly. The hyenas immediately turned and raced toward Batman, snarling and leaping on him, while Joker and Harley raced away from the scene.
"What the hell kinda joke was 'Bat-etizer?'" shouted Joker as they ran.
"Like appetizer!" shouted Harley. "It was all I could think of on short notice!"
"It's not a joke if you have to explain it, I told you!" snapped Joker. "You're terrible at improvisation, Harley!"
"Am I? When I got us away from Batman?" demanded Harley. "You think you'd just be grateful despite the joke!"
"We're not away from him yet!" snapped Joker, as he heard a sound behind him and turned. The hyenas were chasing after them, and they were being chased by the Batmobile. "He's got the damn car!"
"I'm not spending Christmas in Arkham again!" exclaimed Harley, seizing his hand. "C'mon!"
They headed for Gotham Square, where a giant Christmas tree was set up next to a fountain overlooking an ice skating rink. The people skating there screamed as Joker, Harley, and the hyenas raced onto the ice. They scattered out of their way, and the way of the Batmobile, which came barreling behind them. It started skidding on the ice, and Batman tried to regain control of the car, but despite his best efforts, it crashed into the Christmas tree. The impact knocked the tree over, and it fell onto the Batmobile, burying it in branches and lights and tinsel.
Batman slowly managed to extricate himself from the wreck, and looked around. But there was no sign of Joker, Harley, or the hyenas. He heard police sirens coming toward the square and quickly grappled out of the area – he would pay for the damage to the tree and the rink later, but he wasn't in the mood for a lecture right now.
"Terrible at improv, huh?" demanded Harley, as they watched Batman fly off while they crouched in the fountain.
"Yeah! Because now I'm all wet, and so are the dumb mutts!" snapped Joker, as they climbed out of the fountain. "Let's get outta here before the cops come and we end up in Arkham anyway! I know I said I got all my Christmas plotting out of the way, but I spoke too soon! Now Bats is getting a little seasonal surprise too! That's what he gets for sticking his pointy nose in my business!"
The hyenas suddenly shook themselves, spraying water over the both of them, which did not improve Joker's mood. "You stupid mongrels!" he roared. "God, you'd better hope I don't catch pneumonia from this, Harley! If you wanted to give me a cold for Christmas, mission accomplished!"
"Great. He's back to sulking," muttered Harley, grabbing the hyenas' leashes as Joker stormed off. "And I'm still no closer to getting him a Christmas present. Maybe next year, we'll just do Hanukkah instead."