I spent my day cleaning what was left and cutting down some tree's. I even unearthed a small cave. I headed to town around my normal time but I pulled on the door and the bar did not open. Is it closed? I looked around when I saw Lewis not far off and when he saw me I pointed to the bar with a question.

He walked over. "I know it is Friday, the day everyone shows up but sometimes Gus leaves to a different town, pretty randomly, unsure why." I nodded we stood there awkwardly for a moment before he walked away.

I grabbed a ton of snacks and headed home. After a long bath I tossed on some shorts and a loose top, I turned on the cooking channel as there was some kind of marathon on tonight of some reality cooking show. I pulled over a box to use as a table and got comfertable.

Yawning I stood up and wondered to my fridge grabbing pop when there was a knock on my door puzzling me at the late hour.

The door opened to Shane, he looked up at me from the ground silently, his sad blue eye's locked with mine. I was going to ask what was up when his his gripped the back of my head softly and pulled me into a kiss.

I was startled for only a second before I leaned into it, it was a strong amazing kiss making me reach out, dropping my unopened can I grabbed him around his waist. His lips sending a shiver through me, I did not realize how much I wanted this until now.

He slowly started to move me backwards, how drunk is he? I did not taste beer. My butt hit the couch almost knocking me over and as much as I loved this kiss the fear that never leaves showed up. I tried to push it away but my sober mind would not have it as the kiss got deeper.

This stupid unwanted panic.

I can't do this.

His left hand slid up the back of my shirt rubbing with just the right amount of pressure and pulling me closer. It was so hot maybe I can do this? He pressed into me and I knew what he wanted and as amazing as this was I could not.

My anxiety got worse, almost to the point I needed to shove him away.

I pulled my hands up and closed my eye's as I moved my head away. "I am sorry, I can't do th..that." I was expecting him to get mad, try harder or whine and leave like normal when I say no to someone.

I opened my eye's, he had his eye's slightly closed for a second before he looked at me and nodded, his eye's did not look as drunk as normal. He then hopped over my couch and sat down and moved to eat a chip.

What is...

Huh?

He just was okay with it, I watched him look so comfertable on my couch.

It was strange, I walked over and grabbed two pop's from the fridge, passing him on the couch he moved his legs down as I passed and then kicked them onto the box. Sitting down I handed him one. "It is not beer." I mumbled, he kindly took it and opened it. I was unsure what to do, this was new, no one ever stayed when I said no before.

He did not look drunk as I tried to watch the show but my mind would not let me. What was all that about? I wanted to ask him.

"My tv only really gets this channel." Even if the cooking battle was not the worst. "It really makes me want to gourmet some shit but I can't."

"I know." I glanced his way confused. "I sometimes would crash here when I had a case so I would not wake Marnie or Jas."

"All those beer cans were yours?" I asked a little annoyed but then I grinned. "So that is two of you being here."

"You did a nice job." That was so weird, he complimented me? What is going on with him? "Sorry but I broke the table."

Oh good, my grandpa actually did not live like that.

I chuckled. "That is okay, I made it better." He then looked behind at it and he made a noise before turning back to the tv.

I faced him a little more with my body. "Are you alright, you having like a mental break or something?"

He looked at me blankly with a little dark emotions floating in them before he faced the tv and said nothing but I stared at him to long. "I, just needed something to numb the pain and I could not stop thinking..." He leaned forward. "She will win." He talked about the show and ate another chip. I turned and watched it myself, taking a sip from my drink.

I think I understand, he was short his main crutch as the bar was closed and was going to use me to numb some pain. I just can't have sex when sober, it brings back memory's that.

So I am very repressed but that comes out full swing when drunk.

Almost all sexual stuff that I have done was only when I was so drunk I did not care about anything. The only two times I tried it sober it was nothing but awkward, weird and scary as I can never lose the panic.

The longer we sat there in the lightly awkward air the better I felt nothing happened. He needs to smile, be happy not find a new crutch. What then when I leave nothing changes, I want to make his life better. Also until I leave he not some random guy I wont see again.

"Also, someone ate all the food." I looked at him at a loss as I forgot what we were talking about. "There was can's and one day they were gone or open all over the floor."

I smiled. "Ya I kind of have a suspect for that."

"Linus?"

"Is that the old man that lives up the road in a tent?" He nodded. "Ya Linus."

We snacked and watched and the air started to get comfertable. "I hope the Irish guy wins." I spoke up.

"It is the women."

I smiled he is actually talking, I could not stop my annoying thoughts from spinning in my mind but I tried to ignore it.

"Still, he has this flair to his food." I said again.

He shook his head and leaned forward again as I glanced at him, he is pretty damn hot, I wonder who this guy is.

I kind of wish I was drunk.

We watched the women win and a new one came on.

I yawned as I kicked up my feet on the box, I saw him glance at me from the peripheral. "I should go." He spoke but he did not move.

"It is okay, it is what almost two am, you can stay if you want." I yawned, he needs to drive back to town and then around it, that is a long drive. "The roads here are freaking ridiculous."

"They are so fucking stupid." I smiled at him when I noticed that could mean something and my face dropped but he completely understood without a word, shaking his head he looked at the tv. "I am not.. expecting that, I should go."

He half stood up when a loud bang of thunder came from the sky as we looked up and then I could hear the loud poring of heavy rain. "Umm, okay." He sat back down.

I actually laughed at that.

I was leaning on the armrest of my couch half asleep when the show ended, peering at him he was actually passed out. I grabbed one of my thin blankets and tossed it on him. His shoes were on but taking them off felt really weird to me so I left him like that. I laid in my bed falling asleep to the rain and the chatter from the tv.

I heard a loud bang making me sit up. "Shit." I heard a male voice. I jumped out of bed startled and walked into the main room ready to hit someone, Shane was picking up a broken egg from the ground.

I calmed down I forgot he was here.

I noticed he had a frying pan and a carton of eggs, is he making breakfast?

The sun was barely up. "Damn you wake up early."

He almost jumped. "Shit." He looked at me his eye's moving down me before he turned back. "I just." There was a small amount of anger in his voice again but not towards me, I don't think.

I gave a kind smile, it is the weekend so I don't think he works. I yawned and walked into the bathroom to fix my hair and face feeling nervous about him cooking me breakfast, that has never happened before. I put on a little mascara, fixed my hair and walked back out.

I stepped next to him to make some coffee as he cooked, the air was awkward again but still kind of nice as he put bread in the toaster.

Sitting down I tried his egg sandwich. He shifted in his seat. "Is this from the bar?" I nodded as I took another bite it was good. "Feels like home."

I chuckled at that making his pretty blue eye's glance at me, he avoids eye contact.

We did not talk much as we ate when he went to the bathroom and I moved to put on some real clothes, without a door and I heard the bathroom door open I yelled. "Stay over there please for a second." I slid on a shirt and walked out.

He was leaning on the counter with his arms crossed. "So daylight, your farm, what is magically going to make me feel better." He spoke with more anger.

I just walked out the door and looked back for him to follow, the sun was up and it was a good time as I picked up my ax. "I am trying to open the road from my place near yours." He looked confused. "I want you to." I handed it to him and pointed a tree I wanted removed. "Cut down that tree."

"You want me to do your yard work?" He looked like he was going to drop the ax.

"See I knew you would say that." I walked closer to it. "Come on just trust me." He sighed and followed, he picked it up and swung it into the tree as it lodged. "Now, put all your anger all your feelings into your next swing."

He looked back at me for a second before pulling it out and swinging it again, he paused for a second before he pulled it out and did it again. I stepped back some and he just started to swing so fast and so hard, it was almost painful to watch.

I watched as the tree fell to the side and stood there with the ax hanging in his hand and he was just breathing heavily. He looked at me, there was this look on his face, he actually seemed better and yet like he could cry. "What one next?"

Grabbing a couple bottles of water I moved to find him. He was sitting in the grass near the newest tree he chopped down. Leaning back with one knee bent and his eye's closed to the sky.

I left him alone for a bit so he could be alone in such a real moment, I moved and sat next to him and handed him some water. He grabbed it and just chugged it as he sat up straighter, a small noise when he finished.

"I don't mind if you stop by and do that." He looked at me, there was a calmness about him. "I know it wont fix anything but your so angry." He looked at me like I know him to well and he did not like that.

He quietly stood up while picking up the ax, I thought he was going to cut down another as I stood with him but he carefully handed it to me. "I need to deal with the chickens." He turned sliding his hands in his pockets and walked away towards the back way where the trucks sat.

I was a little sad at that, maybe it did not help.

He spun on spot and walked towards me quickly a strong look in his pretty eyes, he came close and grabbed the side of my head and pulled me to him. His lips parted with mine and it only lasted a moment before he pulled away and walked off. Once he got space I heard a small "Thank you."

I touched my lips, damn he is a powerful kisser.

Man, that one is going to stick with me.

I walked back and I watched his truck speed away.