I spent the hot morning planting vegetables in my bra and shorts. While I am staying I am going to really try this farming thing. I am not sure how long I will stay but I will act like I am not leaving. It took a while to get them all in the ground and even longer to water them.

Farming feels so nice and peaceful. I was once told digging in the dirt helps with anxiety and it just might.

My phone beeped as I held the watering can over a plant, I pulled it from inside my bra and checked it.

"We are not done." My mom texted, I am trying so hard to get her to understand but she can't as she hates this place, once I was done with my plants I sat on my steps and called her.

It was a long talk.

She just told me how much a small town sucks in the long run, once everyone knows all your secrets. You can't even date someone and break up or like someone that does not like you and have to see them everyday with someone else.

It made an image appear in my head on what might have happened to her here even if she still did not come out and say it. I tried to talk but she would ride over me.

"You will see but if you feel you need to be there for now, then I will be okay." She finally said startling me. "I will be here in this city for when you find out how much better it is."

I was filled with peace. "I will take this down for now." She spoke about the farm. "How you made such a powerful enemy is beyond me, be careful."

Then I just lied on the floor as I listened to her talk my ear off, sharing our story's.

I sat with Sabastian and Abigail in life jackets in one of Willy's small boats, I had never been fishing before.

"Man." I yawned. "Fishing is boring."

"A little, ya." She spoke as she leaned more into me.

"I like it." Sab said.

"So how long are you staying?" She asked me.

"I don't know, I guess one day I will just know if I want to go home." I leaned back. "Could be until winter, could be a week."

"What!" She spun to me as she let go of his fishing rod and it fell into the water. "Shit."

I laughed. "willy is going to be mad at you."

She tried to fish it back. "Help." I moved to try but it shook the boat making me sit back in scared to tip it and it floated away and we lost sight, we just stared sadly before she turned. "What did you say?" She grabbed onto me. "You can't leave in a week, I just got you back."

I looked at her sadly.

"I actually don't want to, was just saying I don't know."

"So, your saying you may even stay for years." She got in my face making me smile and shrug.

"I am a city girl, who knows how long or even if I can hold down the farm."

"You are capable of many things." Sab said looking out into the water, Abigail gave him a small look when we heard a noise and looked to shore where Sam was waving at us.

"I thought he was busy." Abigail spoke but Sab put his stick down and used the engine and we headed to him.

We stepped onto the dock as Sam pulled out a video game and waved it at us, I guess it was some kind they had been waiting for. So we gave back our stuff and moved to do something actually fun.

I drove them to Sabastian's.

Sabastian was setting up the game as Sam moved over and picked something from his ashtray. "You still got some huh?" I looked over and smiled, I know what that is.

I watched as Sam stick the half burned but fat joint in his mouth and lit it.

He took a deep breath and held it as I walked over and took it from his hand, it had been some time as I put it in my mouth and puffed.

"City girl loves the pot." He yelled as he tried to hold his breath in.

"Been a while and I could use it." I breathed out as Sab walked over and I handed the joint to him.

We all had a few more puffs before it was gone and just sat down to play.

Abigail and Sabastian were playing the racing game and me and Sam laid on the floor, I was on my back and I just stared at his popcorn ceiling connecting dots.

It has been a while but I was enjoying this.

"Its so dark." Sam spoke, confusing me.

"Are your eyes open?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Open them."

"Oh, there is light in here."

We just started to laugh are heads off.

Eventually it was my turn against Sab, I was doing so good for a game I barely played when I noticed on the screen next to the one I was watching was running into a wall and then it took me a second to notice, that one was me.

I patted Abigail as it was her turn again but she did not get up. "She's a wee bit tired." I spoke.

"You sounded Irish." Sabastian said.

"Ya right laddy, she just a wee bit tired." I spoke again with an accent.

"See that cunt there? Yeah she's knackered and a half that lad." Sabastian said in a real Irish accent making us laugh and Sam was laughing rolling on the floor just loosing his shit.

I was home by around eight pm, I left when it started to ware off. I felt lazy and hungry. I made a small fire, stripped naked and sat on my carpet as I watched a cooking show downing all the snacks I had at home, the show just made me more hungry.

I just enjoyed this night, sometimes I miss the old day's, smoking pot with skaters, that was my highschool life and man it was fun. I don't know when it turned into bar hopping with party animals but the peace and calm of stoners, that is something great.

I stopped doing both so long ago, might even be over a year since I tried to change my life.

Being here really helped, I have been doing new things, I fixed this place up myself. I drink in moderation and still have fun and I have not slept with one random drunk person, even if that came close.

Sabastian was hooking up a console I broke down and bought, wasting so much money I don't have on dvd's and video games.

Sam was painting my finger nails as we sat on my floor. Abigial just watched us as she leaned over the couch.

He was doing a horrible job and was getting it all over my fingers when he was done I held them up. "These are beautiful." I smiled at him.

"Damn right." Sam joked.

"Come on, you two are such idiots." Abigail said and shook her head before turning to face Sab. "Get it set up already, I want to kick some ass." She looked at me. "You said you boxed right?" I nodded at her. "Can you kick Sam's ass?" She gave a dark smirk at him.

"Please don't try." He spoke at me making me chuckle.

She stood up. "Hit me." She bounced on her feet as she held up her hands. I shook my head, she sat down. "Fine, arm wrestle." She laid down and stuck her arm out. I got down and grabbed it, all the farming and working made me even stronger.

She put up a fight but I took it down after a second. "Damn." She spoke.

"Okay, it is working." Sab said as he turned on the console and we all moved to play some games.

I was walking in town with Abigial as we moved into her fathers store, she brought me back to her room as I passed her mother, a green haired beauty named caroline I had yet to really meet as I stuck out my hand and said hi.

She gave me a look, I felt so unwelcome here for a moment before she smiled. "Nice to meet you Cy." And she turned away and walked off.

"Way to be a crazy person mom." Abi said quietly as we headed to her room.

It was a nice room, I moved and picked up a sword she owned, it was heavy and real as I spun it around. "That is my favorite thing in this room." She said as she sat behind a drum kit. "But I have been practicing for the guy's." She gave a few hits on it.

"There is this cave that you need a sword in, we should get you one and then we can go on an adventure together." I just agreed as I peeked into her small cage, inside I saw a small Guinee pig, I smiled at it.

She looked at me with a small glint her eye. "Do you like Sam?" She asked, I looked at her.

"As a friend, why does it look like something?" She just looked confused. "He is like my old highschool friends, it is just easy to be with him." I don't know why she was so sad. "I am not looking for a boyfriend anyway." Then I said quietly. "I never do."

I wanted to say that if there was anything going on it was with Shane but I have no idea what that was to make this town talk about it as I am sure the second it leaves my mouth everyone will know, I don't know this girl too well.

"What is going on with you and Sabastian?" I finally asked, she looked away.

"I.. don't know." She was a bad liar by the look on her face if anyone could relate to me and Shane it just might be her with Sabastian.

"Do you want something to happen?" She gave me this look and it made me think something has happened. I smiled at her curious as I can not read him with her. "No one should feel unwanted by someone, sometimes no matter where you think your heart is you need to do something for yourself, I have noticed that lately."

She looked so sad and confused. "I need this advice for myself but if there is nothing that the person does makes you feel good about yourself, maybe it is something you need to leave behind."

She just looked at me with a bit of anger, I was worried until it was focused on me. "So you can have him?"

I was startled. "I don..."

"You are just a girl, like every other girl you tell me things to screw me over and take what I have." She stood up. "I thought you were different." I was so startled. "Leave!" She said as she pointed to her door.

Unsure what to say or do I just nodded and walked out, passing her mother who I think was glad her daughter just yelled at me, then her dad. I did not glance at him to see his reaction as I just left.

I walked towards the bar and just leaned on the wall near the side door, closing my eye's I crossed my arms and held back my sadness, that was such a sudden flip.

She thinks I am trying to steal Sabastian?

I like her, she is welcoming and crazy and I love her as a friend, just as much as the guy's. I am going to have to let her know some way I am not doing that. At least I know now there is something going on between them.

The more it ran it across my mind the sadder I got bringing me back to a memory I try and forget. Unsure how to prove that I was not trying to make her dump him so I can have him.

I could stop talking to Sabastian because It is not like I am flirting with him and I can cut back on the very basic friendship we have, its not like we talk a lot even as he is very quiet.

I could tell her about Shane but, I rubbed my arms, I don't know what that is and for all I know she would see me as a skank as I have kissed that man a lot and it happened real fast, plus she has seen him dismiss me and he once accused me with Sab.

There must be something I am not seeing that makes it look like something.

"Are you alright?" I looked over at Penny, this girl looks so kind all I do is see her teaching the kids, she stared at me with such kindness. "Come with me, let me show you my favorite place to think in, you need it."

I followed this girl as she brought me to a bench over looking the river, sitting under a large and amazing willow tree. "This is nice, thanks."

"If you feel like talking, I am right here." She pulled her legs up and opened a book.

She was cute and I just watched the water.

"I guess I could use an outsider." She does not look like she is one of the normal people here who gossip but I can be vague as she looked at me seriously ready to help.

"I just was accused of something I was not doing and I don't know how to prove it was not true without dropping a friend I care about." She looked sad. "And I would hate to stop talking to him but she will hate me but it seems to be one or the other, you know."

"That sounds complicated." I nodded. "It is Abigail huh?" I looked at her worried. "This place is small, don't worry I wont tell anyone about this conversation." She looked out. "I don't know if it is my place to tell you."

I leaned back and just watched the water again.

"This is such a small town. You can't avoid meeting everyone. I wonder what is like to live in the city? I grew up with these people and you get to know things, even on the sidelines."

"Ya, in the city most people don't know others, makes it easier to talk to a stranger." I smiled. "If I am meant to know she would tell me right?"

"I doubt that." I looked at her worried. "If she is still the same Abigail, she wont." She closed her book and looked at me.

"Maybe you should drop the boy's, what ever one she is worried about and just focus on her, once she see's you care for her she may be fine when you become friends again."

I nodded and moved to walk off. "Thanks Penny." I headed down the river to Clint's.

I opened the door and walked inside. "Hey Clint." I said to the man as he was banging some really hot piece of metal at his anvil and I looked around. That sounded wrong.

"You got a sword in here?"

I knocked on her door as I heard the sound of flute, her mom reluctantly let me in, unsure what that was about. I opened the door anyway hiding my left hand behind it. "Go away."

"I get that a lot from Shane, it really has taken on no meaning."

"Then you don't listen very well."

I pulled out the sword making her stare at me. "Let's go explore."

She tried to hide her smile and excitement but she put the flute down and stood up grabbing hers, she showed me the way as we drove near Sabastian's home and passed it.

We came to a small area where there was a shaky wooden bridge, she was so excited as we walked to a small cave. It was dark and creepy and there was a fucking ladder heading down below making me stare into the black hole as she started to descend.

"Oh come on." I said quietly making her laugh like a maniac.

"Come on Cy." She was gone from view, I breathed in and started to follow, my sword so heavy in my hands.

Landing below in dark cave, she was running down the dark hallway. She looked back at me and she pressed some button on the wall making small lights turn on around us, they were placed in area's so there was plenty of dark corners.

But it still made me breath better.

I was terrified down here and she noticed and actually stared at me kindly. She started to walk as I followed her. "So why do we need swords?" I asked not wanting to.

"There is these big bugs down here."

That made me stop walking. "Umm, what?" I looked at her. "Okay I want to be a friend here but I can not fight giant bugs with a freaking sword." I could not walk forward but I could not turn around.

I breathed in deep and walked towards her.

I just followed when a big ass flying bug came at us, I screamed and ran off as she followed. "I thought you were cool and brave." She laughed.

"Nope, far from it."

"But your a boxer."

"Ya, because I was scared."

I slid towards the ladder as it was on our ass. "Go, go." She yelled making me grab on and scurry up the ladder as fast as I could, she was right behind me, we ran out of the cave and I flopped on the ground catching my breath.

She just started to laugh so hard as I sat down and looked at the afternoon sky.

"I wont hang out with him, if that is what you want." I looked at her serious. "I will stay far away if that means you understand I am not trying to date him, or steal him, I was not even sure you two."

She looked at the sky with a blank face.

"When we were kids, Haley, Penny, Emily and many others were all friends, Haley would manipulate to get everything she wanted from us, from shoes to boys, eventfully come preteens she cut Penny and me from the group, once we had nothing else to give."

She said sadly and reluctantly.

"Penny did not care, she loved books more then people but for me, I was alone in this town, Sabastian was nice to me but he never talked to me. When Sam moved to town we all became friends, for the first time in years."

I looked at her sadly.

"You're the first girlfriend I have had in so long." She said sadly. "And I think I put my fears into you, but you, you pure pussy." She joked. "May not be so bad, I want to trust you."

"I want to trust you too." I said. "I also have trust issues and it is worse in this small town, gossip and all."

"Fucking bullshit, I try not to indulge but sometimes you can't help it."

"Ya, if you ever want to talk to me, you can."

She looked away sadly. "Why did you say those things to me, if it was not to get in the middle?"

I looked down. "I can't say." She sighed annoyed. "Fine, please don't tell anyone." I stared at her as she nodded interested.

She looked at me. "Is it Sam?"

"No." I laughed out. "Stop asking that."

"You sure?" She smiled at me. "You two get along so well."

I shook my head. "I have... made out with..." She stared worried. "Shane, a bit." She looked at me like that was the last thing she ever would have expected. "And he ignores me so."

She glared and stood up. "That bastard." She started to stomp off. "I will kick his ass." I laughed and grabbed onto her.

"Don't, there is a story there but it is over with, I ended it because of that, I think, I think I ended it." I pulled her to me "I just, understand."

"Sabastian does not ignore me, we are friends to the town eye, all three of us." She looked down. "But ya, we have been seeing each other for a while now, he is just quiet." She said sadly. "He is not the most affectionate, you need to know him, but when we are alone." She smiled.

I smiled as she continued to talk. "Just like you, we don't even tell Sam because we want no one to know, it will get around with ease and then my parents would hear and everyone would know."

"Once Pam knows something, it is over, freaking 'Fred'." I joked.

"Fred was Shane?" She asked making me look at her. "I could not ask you." She said quietly. "Figured you did not want him to know us." She chuckled then glared. "But, that Shane." She yelled again.

"Ah it was not much of anything." She waited for me to speak. "I don't want to date him, so it is not a big deal."

"He is an ass."

"He can be but, damn I am so attracted to him, his kiss makes the world stop."

"Really? That scruffy drunk." She looked at me trying to picture it, she started to laugh. "Well, he is not the worst to look at." She put her finger to her mouth. "But I never pictured him as a good kisser." She leaned in closer. "Why don't you want to date him?"

"I never had a real boyfriend, so I am never looking for one." She looked at me funny. "The longest was about six months." She nodded like that was not bad. "But we were just each others booty call." She looked me over.

"You have a interesting story don't you?" She gave me a hug. "It is good to have a friend."

"So long as you don't drag me back down there." I pointed to the cave.

"Can't make any promises." She pulled on my arm. "So Shane, really?" She asked as we walked off. "I can't see it, how did it start?"

"I don't know, the first time I went to the bar I could not stop watching him, he was so sad." She made a poof noise. "Then we were almost skinny dipping and we kissed."

That made her pause and look at me. "Damn you are interesting."

"How about you and Sab?"

"Ah there was nothing like that, I saw him around, thought he was cute, did not care, became friends, he became something" She paused and leaned in. "He is quiet and lazy and a big nerd but he can make the headboard move." That made me laugh.

"Well that was a conversation about boy's"

She smiled at me and cocked her head "I guess it was." She almost ran ahead of me. "Awesome."