Eugene's P.O.V
Eugene and Lilithana's Birthday - 6 Months Before The Apocalypse
After I waved Lilithana off I was a bit sad. I knew why she wanted to talk to me.
"Will I ever see you again?"
I knew that was what the question was going to be. The thing was, I was afraid to answer. I was scared to see her again. She shares my dream, she's kind, she's beautiful. That's scary.
Can't get your heart broken if you break your heart first, right?
So that's when I decided to never go back to that arcade. It's not like she would go looking for me.
After she had left I felt no reason to stay there any longer, so I took that as my time to walk home.
As soon as I arrived home I was bombarded by my family with hugs and "happy birthday's" things I was specifically trying to avoid.
The thing was, my twin sister, Gillian, and I always had the freedom for our birthday to do whatever we liked. Our parents wanted us to be able to live our own lives and not to have to do everything together like "stereotypical twins" as they would say.
I awkwardly just hugged back. "Thanks," I mumbled.
"Come on, we got you and Gillian some cake! It's you two's last birthday before you're officially an adult!" My mother said both excitedly and sadly when she mentioned us being adults. "I just want to treat you guys as my babies for one last time before next year."
One last time. Why did that make me feel uneasy? Maybe I was being paranoid. One last time.
I was snapped out of my thought process when I heard Gillian running down the stairs and immediately jumped on my back. "Hey, what the fu-"
"Eugene!"
"Frick! I said frick, I was going to say frick mom. I have never sworn a day in my life." I retaliated to my mother as Gillian remained on my back, holding back her insane laughter because she knows I swear a damn good amount. Though, she swears way more than me so she can't say anything.
My mom just squinted at me and then rolled her eyes. Oh, she definitely knows I'm lying.
"Just blow out the candles you two. Make a wish too!" My mom clapped, beginning to sing happy birthday with my dad, uncles, aunts, and some family friends. Nobody mine and Gillian's age, this was just the family gathering where everyone but my mom gets drunk because my mom wants to be spending time with her babies. I hated being called her baby. I hated being called a baby in general. I already got made of enough for being 5'6 for a "boy", the same height as my sister, that all it did was make me feel self-conscious at this point.
Gillian hopped off my back and walked to the other side of me to the cake. She just looked at me and smiled. "You ready?" She asked.
I returned the smile and nodded. "Ready."
We both turned towards the cake, counted to three, then blew out the candles at the same time. Was our tradition for as long as we can remember. When we turned 6 I accidentally blew out the candles before Gillian was ready and she started crying and screaming at the top of her lungs. My mom had to bake an entirely new cake, the other cake was ruined according to Gillian, and then put brand new candles on it. That was when we started counting to three and then blowing out the candles to make sure we never repeat that incident.
Gillian elbowed me as soon as the candles went out and the whole family clapped. "What did you wish for?"
"Pfft," I pushed her. "If I tell you it won't come true."
"Pussy."
"Dick."
"Eugene and Gillian Baek!" Our mother raised her voice in a scolding manner. "That kind of language will not be tolerated in this household."
Both mine and Gillian's heads hung low as we said sorry in unison. Usually, our mom would send us to our rooms, but due to it being our birthday she let us off the hook to eat cake, be with family, and open presents. Which unfortunately presents from family were always my least favorite part for a very specific reason.
Sometimes they'd like to get me and Gillian matching outfits. Every single year.
"Thanks," I forced a smile while taking out the long white button-up shirt that was long enough to be a dress, and probably advertised as a dress. "I hate it," I muttered under my breath for no one to hear. Gillian coughed holding back her laugh. I could easily tell when she was holding back a laugh and she knew when I was doing the same. Somehow we were good enough to fool everyone else that we were not holding back a laugh, but we definitely couldn't fool each other.
Twin instincts perhaps? Who fucking knows, I don't know but sure I'll just call it that.
As much as my sister annoyed the shit out of me, I loved her. She was not just my sister, she was my best friend. I couldn't have asked for anyone else to be my twin sibling. She has been nothing but accepting of me, kind to me, and always helping me when I needed it and I would return it as much as I possibly could. I would do anything for her. I would protect her with my life.
I don't know what I'd do without her.
As my mother started saying her goodbyes to the family members, as they said a couple more happy birthdays to me and Gillian while walking out the door, my mom finally closed the door and let out a long sigh. "I love them but they can be exhausting." She chuckled, getting a giggle out of both me and Gillian. Then she stood up straight and smiled wide. "I actually have one more gift for you, Eugene." She announced.
I raised my eyebrow in confusion. My sister was smiling like a crazy person beside me. Was she in on this?
Gillian grabbed my hand and dragged me over to follow my mother in who she took us into her and our fathers room. My dad was already in there, smiling at me as I walked in. While Gillian closed the door behind me, our mother got out a small box from her dresser. It was wrapped in blue wrapping paper with a green bow on top. "Open it." She handed it to me.
I took it cautiously, afraid of what it might be. The reaction of everyone just caused my heart to pound at a tremendous rate. I took a deep breath and carefully opened the package. As soon as I saw what the box was my jaw dropped in disbelief.
"Wait," I spoke out, already feeling the tears filling up. "Are you serious?"
My mom just excitedly smiled as Gillian jumped beside me.
I couldn't hold it back anymore as I let the tears roll down my face. I fell to my knees, unable to keep myself up, and stared at the small box that sat in front of me.
Self-inject testosterone shots.
Gillian kneeled beside me and just gave me a large hug to my side. "Happy birthday, brother." She had been calling me her brother since we were 14 when I had come out to her, yet for some reason, the way she said it there felt so much different. It felt better than any way she had said it before.
She was the first person I told about how I felt. She was there when I told her how I was feeling when I was younger, how I hated being a sister, being a girl, wearing dresses, growing out my hair, having my body, and she listened through all of it. She never judged me, she never laughed at me, she never made me feel worse. Although for a long while she did not understand anything at all, she would still sit there and listen. If she had nothing to say she would just hug me and be there for me and it was all I could ever ask for. Then when we finally figured out together what I was feeling, she was the one to hype me up and tell our parents. She will always be my favorite person as she has always been the person I could be open up with for anything.
She knew I had been waiting for this day for so long. I believed I couldn't start this until I was 18. Yet here I was, the box in my hand, getting ready to begin my new life at 17. She was in on it. She helped my parents with this. She did this for me. What did I do to deserve her?
That day, I began to start my medical transition to become the man I always wanted and needed to be.
...
The Day Of The Apocalypse
I was sitting in class, extremely bored, as the teacher spoke about whatever. It was math class and it was the class I didn't care about at all. The only thing that kept me going in that class was that I had a piano class as my next lesson. When it started getting closer and closer to the bell ringing my leg began tapping faster and faster and faster, waiting to rush out of there and go straight to my favorite class. Everyone knew I was the music guy. I was so confident in myself being the person to sing, to play the piano, to perform.
After starting my testosterone my voice got slightly deeper and I was finally able to hit certain notes I had been wanting to try and hit for a long time. Though I still sounded like I was in the middle of puberty at times, my voice not dropping as low as the other boys my age, I was just happy where I was heading.
As soon as the bell rang I got up as fast as I could to grab my bags and rush out of the room to get to the music room. Yet, as soon as I stepped out of the room I started hearing screaming. I looked over in the direction of the screaming, walking over slightly, to see my classmates running in my direction. Soon enough, I found a crowd covered in blood, seeing these random bodies jumping on top of all of my classmates and attacking them, biting them, killing them.
My eyes widened at the sight and the first thought in my head was, "Gillian." I whispered out, immediately turning around and running away from the creatures that were behind me. I knew where her class was and I went to find it as fast as I possibly could.
I was not going to let her die. I would protect her with my life. I would do anything for her. No matter what.
When I arrived at her classroom it was already empty with bodies laying on the ground and blood splattered everywhere. My breathing quickened, my heart was racing, I needed to find Gillian, I had to get her out of here. Where is she?
"Gillian!" I shouted out, looking everywhere for her, every corner, every turn, I looked.
"Go!" I heard the familiar voice of my sister shout in reply. I looked around myself frantically, finding myself going towards the direction of the voice until I finally found her leaning on the lockers, covered in blood.
I grabbed her hand and went to drag her with me, in which she let go. "Gillian, what the fuck are you doing? We have to go! Now!"
"Eugene, go! I," She began to stutter, tears falling from her face. "I was bitten. I'm bleeding out, I'm not going to make it."
"Gillian," My vision blurred. "I'm not leaving you here."
She pushed me with all of the force she had in her, her face turning pale at the push as it was obvious she did not have any power in her body. "Leave now, asshole!"
Tears ran down my face as I went towards her anyway grabbing her whole body to drag with me. "I'm not leaving you! No matter what you fucking say!"
"Ah!" She screamed in pain, pushing me off of her. That push that time made her collapse on the floor. When she landed I could see a puddle of blood quickly start pouring out of her right arm and scratches covered her legs. She had a bite mark right on her neck that was black and blue, the veins on her neck darkening by the second going up to her face and towards her heart. As she began coughing, blood also began to spill out of her mouth.
"No!" My voice cracked as I screamed. I bent down to her and went to lift her up. "I'm getting you out of here, I'm taking you home, we're going to patch you up, you're going to be okay." I started rambling on, choking back on my tears to make sure she could understand what I was saying. I wasn't exactly sure who I was trying to convince there in that moment. Was I trying to convince her, or myself?
She contiued to uncontrollably cough, the blood leaving her body rappidly, her lips and face becoming so pale she looked like a ghost. "Go," She managed to let out.
"Gil-"
"Eugene, don't make me do this." Her coughing fit ended and tears started rapidly flowing down her face.
"Gillian please,"
"Nathalie, leave."
Nathalie. Nathalie. Nathalie. Nathalie.
I jumped back slightly in shock. She hasn't called me that since we were 14.
"Gillian what are you doing, please-"
"Nathalie, I need you to go. You're my sister, Nathalie." She kept going, my heart racing. I felt like everything was breaking inside of me. Please stop, please stop, please stop. "I can't have my twin sister die, can I? You're Nathalie, and you'll always be my sister Nathalie-"
"Stop!" I stood up screaming at the top of my lungs, grabbing my head and pulling on my hair. The words she spoke, they kept repeating in my head, they kept going and going and not stopping. Stop, please stop. "Stop, please, stop-"
"Nathalie-"
"Ah!" I screamed again banging my hands against my head, trying to get the thoughts and the name out of my head. "Shut the fuck up!" I kept breaking, everything around me was blurry, not only was the one person that meant the world to me was dying, but she was reminding me of the person I hated with everything in me. The person I wanted to forget. The person I never was.
My screaming seemed to attract those creatures towards us. I began to panic. I can't leave her, but I can't stand what was coming out of her mouth.
"Run, before you die as the girl that you are." Was the last things I heard from Gillian before her coughing fit began once again and more and more blood escaped. A white film started covering her eyes and somehow making her sienna eyes disappear. Then the creatures just growled towards me as they lunged at me.
Run, before you die as the girl that you are.
"I'm not," I pushed the creature away from me as it got closer. "A girl!" I cried out when I kicked it with full force, having it fall to the ground.
I looked down towards Gillian as I was breathing heavily from my forming panic attack and the fear that was growing inside of me. She laid there lifeless.
"I love you, Gillian." Was all I could mutter out before I ran as fast as I could to the exit of the school.
Before you die as the girl you are.
Before you die as the girl you are.
Die as the girl you are.
The girl you are.
I ran as fast as I could, not sure what my destination even was. I just followed wherever my legs took me. My breathing was heavy, I felt as if I could barely breathe at all. All I could do was cry. I couldn't get myself to scream, I couldn't get myself to even pay attention to where I was going.
The last words I heard from the most accepting and loving person I knew was telling me to run, before I died as the girl I am.
I know she didn't mean it, I know she did it because it always caused me a panic attack every time someone brought any of that up to me. She knew what she was doing. She knew it would make me run.
She did it because she loved me. I know that.
But the words would not escape my brain. The girl you are, the girl you are, the girl you are.
I don't want to die.
And I'm not going to die.
I'm not going to die as the girl I am.
I was scared out of my mind. My sister died right in front of me, the world is going to become infested by zombies, I was scared about my parents. I was terrified of the future. My music dreams, everyone was right when they told me I would never succeed as a singer. Because now it'll never be possible. And everyone who told me that I would never be a boy was right now too. Since there is no possible way now that I can continue my medical transition.
The girl I am.
At some point in time I had exhausted myself and I fell to the ground coughing while trying to catch my breath. Even then, I found tears still dropping onto the grass that was beneath. I had no idea where I was, but there wasn't any zombies. I took that as an oppurtunity to just continue to cry.
Gillian is dead.
I couldn't stop the tears at all.
Nothing mattered anymore.
Why should I hope, when it will just be taken away in a matter of seconds?
...
3 Months Into The Apocalypse
I sat on the desk waiting for the other guys to finally get back from getting supplies. I groaned as I just laid back onto the desks all put together staring at the ceiling, bored out of my mind. Lawrence, Ethan, Harry, and Emily were out exploring and I just waited in classroom 1-C for them since I had finished all of my tasks.
"They should already be here by now," I groaned to myself sitting back up and slouching over. In that moment I began to hear footsteps coming towards the classroom. "Finally," I mumbled.
I hopped off of the desk and crossed my arms, waiting for the party to enter. As soon as they did I sighed, "What took you guys so long-"
I started until my eyes were fixated on a new girl that stood in front of me. I froze. I stopped talking, not even remembering what I was trying to say.
"Eugene?" She spoke.
Her voice. Her voice, I haven't heard it since our birthday.
Lily.
I stared at her in complete shock and she just smiled at me. It was Lily, it was Lily.
No, don't be excited. Don't get your hopes up.
Remember?
It will just be taken away in a matter of seconds.
"Do you two know each other?" Harry walked up behind Lily, looking back and forth between the two of us.
I saw Lily take a breath about to speak, but I quickly spoke before her to stop her in her tracks. "No." I said nonchalantly, holding back the fact it was a pure lie. I don't know why I was lying about it. I was scared. I just wanted to forget I knew her, what we had. Maybe then, it wouldn't hurt as much when she leaves me too.
She seemed so shocked and confused by what I said. Her expression hurt me. I don't want her to believe that night meant nothing to me, that she wasn't memorable, I didn't want her to think she was insignificant to me, but I was so scared. I can't lose her too.
"Oh." She sighed. Her face fell and she looked at the ground, her previous smile turning into a frown. "I guess not." That hurt me so much. I hurt her. I don't want to hurt her, but won't this hurt less in the end then? It'll hurt less in the end, right?
"So, who's the girl?" I questioned, continuing the façade of not knowing who she was, no matter how much it hurt me to do so.
"Lilithana." Lawrence introduced her. I just nodded, pretending as if that wasn't something I already knew.
Yeah, she's Lilithana, but,
"But my friends call me Lily," I heard her whisper from across the room. She didn't look up to face me. She couldn't see the frown the started to form on my lips.
"She'll be staying with us since where she stays is a bit further away and we don't want her to go back in the dark, especially after she saved me, Harry and Emily from someone trying to attack us," Lawrence continued, explaining the reason for her stay.
"Someone?" I raised an eyebrow, confused by his words.
"Yes," Harry confirmed my question. "Someone. It wasn't a zombie."
I was thinking about speaking up to ask more about the situation, but as if she read my thoughts, Lily explained herself. "I just knocked him out. By the time everything settled it was already becoming too dark for my travel back home. I'll be out of your hair soon though." She spoke sadly. I could tell she wanted to cry. I know what that feels like, I know what it sounded like. She sounded exactly like a girl who was holding back her emotions. Something I had become very familiar with.
"Cool," I responded. "I'm going to go to bed now if this is all we were going to discuss. Later." I waved exiting the classroom swiftly. I couldn't face her anymore. All I could think about was my birthday. Our birthday. Gillian.
My wish.
While stuck in my train of thought, I accidentally bumped into the infamous red-head who loved to do nothing but tease me.
"Hey!" He grabbed the spot where I bumped into him. "What the fuck?"
"Sorry," I muttered out with barely a glance as I immediately turned away. Before I could make any distance, I felt a hand on my shoulder and grip it, spinning me around to face the source. Zion.
"Wait," He spoke. "Are you okay?"
I held back the tears that were starting to form on my waterline. I knew he could tell I was holding something back. He was staring right into my eyes. I let him. I wanted him to know I was hurting, but it was nothing I could ever admit. It wasn't worth it.
I was hurting. I was hurting because I hurt Lily. Yet, I couldn't be happier. I couldn't be happier that she was okay. She was okay.
I passed Zion a genuine smile before I spoke.
"My birthday wish came true." I admitted to him while signing off with a nod before I walked off.
Lily was okay.
Exactly what I wished for.
A/N:
trans Eugene headcanon cuz ngl ngl I had way too many ideas for it and since I'm a bad bitch and you can't kill me, I just went for it. deal with it pussies