Zoom "Puffed Invaders"

Zoom by Herb Montes

Zoom A parody based loosely on the movie "Spaced Invaders

Narrator in Out of space Through the vast darkness of space a small spacecraft slowly makes its way toward Earth. On board, a mindless crew of small aliens go about their duties keeping the ship on course. In his swivel chair the captain of the ship spins around and spits out an order.

Captain said "Doctor Krinklenuts to the bridge, immediately."

The captain, who is about the size of his crew members, is three foot tall with slimy green skin and small beady black eyes. Two antennas grow out his huge head and he gives off a putrid odor which is normal for his species. He sits there waiting with his finger shoved up his nose. The doctor enters the bridge via a creaky elevator. As the doctor stumbles toward his captain he resembles the others except for a pair of thick glasses and a scraggly beard.

Doctor said "You sent for me Captain Nosekling?"

Captain said "Yes Doctor, our mission is to assess the defenses of the planet we are about to encounter. This is in anticipation of an impending invasion."

Doctor said "I am well aware of that Captain, why did you feel you needed to tell me?"

Captain said "Because I have a short attention span. Now what can you tell me about this Earth?"

Doctor said "I last visited this planet nearly a hundred years ago disguised as an accountant, I was totally ignored. The humans, as they call themselves, are very primitive. They were just discovering powered flight using internal combustion engines. Their largest weapons consisted of cannons firing metal balls using black gunpowder. They have barely begun developing technology using vacuum tubes to send music across their oceans."

Captain (excitedly wiggling his finger in his nose) said "Excellent, they are ripe for conquest. We will make them our slaves and force them to scrub our toilets."

Doctor - said "Do we have to? Personally I rather enjoy that activity."

Captain said "Get your jollies on your own time, we must prepare for landing. Any questions?"

Doctor said "Yes, why do you have your digit inserted in your nasal orifice?"

Captain said "It helps me to think. I needed a more effective way to stimulate my brain."

Doctor said "I find it better to hit my groin area with a hammer when I need to think."

Captain said "Is that why you're named Krinklenuts?"

Doctor said "Runs in the family, a tradition I proudly maintain."

Narrator Meanwhile on Earth, it is Halloween night and the Powerpuff Girls are preparing to go out and visit the neighbors for treats. Blossom adjusts her costume as Bubbles returns from the bathroom after putting on hers.

Bubbles said "Oh Blossom, you look great as the Mayor."

Blossom straightens her monocle and thrusts her chest out.

Blossom said "Bwah, vote for me and I'll be an effective Mayor by sleeping more often."

Bubbles Giggle Hee hee hee hee, you're funny."

Blossom said "The only problem is this mustache itches. I like your costume, but what made you decide to dress up as Sedusa?"

Bubbles said "I think I look better in fishnet stockings than her. And this old mop on my head was the only kind of wig I could find. So it was an easier costume to put together."

Blossom said "Especially since you had to borrow one of my red bathing suits. Don't get it dirty now."

Bubbles said "I won't, where's Buttercup? What is she wearing?"

Blossom said "I don't know, she wanted it to be a surprise."

Suddenly the door flies open and Buttercup comes bounding in. She is covered with green trash bags stuffed with tissue paper making her look like a green boulder with limbs. Her face is also painted green.

Buttercup said "Growl, I'm here to kick your butts!"

Blossom said "What in the world are you supposed to be?"

Buttercup said "The Hulk."

Bubbles giggle "Hee hee hee, more like the Bulge."

Buttercup said "Don't get me mad or I'll fling a tank at you."

Then they hear the Professor calling them from downstairs.

Professor said "Hurry up girls, or you'll miss all the trick or treating."

Blossom said "Grab your bags and lets go."

Buttercup said "Oh boy, I can't wait to haul a lot of candy home."

Bubbles said "I bet I get more than you."

Buttercup said "You wish!"

Blossom said "Let's go already."

The alien ship comes in for a landing in an empty lot in Pokey Oaks. Though the landing itself proves to be a little rough as it crashes into a tree.

Captain said "Blast it, can't this stupid crew operate this ship better?"

Doctor said "You didn't choose them to be good at anything, Captain."

Captain said "That's right, I wanted someone who can make me look good."

Doctor said "It wouldn't take a genius to figure that out."

Captain said "Now we must sally forth and survey the area."

Doctor said "Sally Forth, I knew a female by that name at one time."

Captain said "Stop thinking about your groin for once and follow me."

Doctor said "Don't we need disguises?"

Captain said "No, this time we will strike fear in these primitive humans by showing them what their conquerors look like. Open the hatch!" The alien captain shoves his finger up his nose and regally steps out of the spacecraft followed by the Doctor.

Narrator Nearby the Powerpuff Girls have been visiting the houses on their street and collecting treats. They excitedly look in their bags.

Blossom said "Ooh, I got a nougat bar."

Bubbles said "What's nougat?"

Buttercup said "It's chewy candy with fruit. It sticks to my teeth like glue."

Blossom said "Well I like them, what did you get?"

Bubbles said "I got a big pack of bubble gum." Bubbles puts a piece in her mouth and begins chewing.

Blossom said "You should wait until we get home to eat your candy."

Bubbles said "It's just one piece. What did you get Buttercup?"

Buttercup said "Let's see, I got...A ROCK! Why that cheapskate, I'll show him."

Blossom said "Wait Buttercup."

But it is too late as Buttercup flies off and her sisters look on in horror. Then she returns looking smug.

Buttercup said "There, that'll teach him to put a rock in my bag of candy."

Blossom said "Yeah, I'm sure he'll regret it in the morning when he finds his Buick on the roof of his house."

Bubbles said "Come on, we got lots more houses to go to."

Pushing through the bushes the aliens come upon the Powerpuff Girls walking down the sidewalk.

Captain said "Hah, see those humans, they are no bigger than us."

Doctor said "They are very strange looking. Maybe they have mutated since I last encountered their kind."

Then they see Bubbles blow a bubble of chewing gum.

Captain "GAG! Look at that! It's blowing its guts out of its mouth."

Doctor said "How disgusting!"

Captain said "Now it's chewing its guts back into its mouth!"

Doctor said "I think I'm going to be sick!"

Captain said "Get a grip on yourself Doctor. These are just primitive creatures."

Doctor said "More primitive than I thought. They practice self-cannibalism!"

Captain said "Brace yourself, we must show them who is in command here."

Bubbles said "Want to see me blow a bigger bubble?"

Blossom said "Naw, let's just get to the next house and...WHAT THA'!"

The girls are confronted by the two aliens who jump out of the bushes.

Captain said "Tremble in fear Earth scum! We have come to conquer you!"

Blossom said "Hey, cool alien costumes."

Bubbles said "Yeah, but you smell like Buttercup's old socks."

Captain said "That smell is the smell of your enslavement. We are from Uranus!"

Buttercup said "That explains the smell. Great costumes kid but if you'll move along now we're working this side of the street."

Blossom said "Buttercup, don't be greedy. Can't you see they don't have any bags. Maybe we should share some of our candy with them."

Buttercup said "They can have my rock but I'm not giving them the rest."

Bubbles said "I know, let's take them to the party at the schoolhouse. They can get lots of treats and have fun there."

Blossom said "Great idea Bubbles. Follow us guys."

Captain said "Where are you taking us?"

Blossom said "Where all the others are going."

Doctor said "It would be prudent to go along Captain, we can enslave a whole lot of them at one of their gatherings."

Captain (sticking his finger up his nose) said "Yes, I am glad I thought of it."

Bubbles said "Eeek, that's a disgusting habit."

Then she blows a bubble which makes the aliens wince.

Captain said "I can think of an even more disgusting one."

Doctor said "Is it okay if I hurl now?"

At the Halloween party at Pokey Oaks Kindergarten, Ms. Keane keeps control over a crowd of rambunctious children. She is dressed as Cleopatra and holds a large rubber snake in her arm.

Ms. Keane said "Okay, everyone settle down. The punch bowl is only for drinking out of. Mitch, stop teasing the girls with your rubber spider."

When the Powerpuff Girls show up Robin runs over to meet them. She is dressed as the headless horseman. Her coat is over her head and she carries a jack-o-lantern under her arm.

Robin said "Hi girls, nice costumes."

Blossom said "Hi Robin, yours is great."

Captain said "Doctor, do you see? This creature has allowed its head to decay and fall off but it still carries it around."

Doctor said "They must not like burying their dead."

Robin said "Phew, who's the smelly pair with you?"

Buttercup said "This is Stinky and his other brother. Blossom wanted to bring them along cause they got cool costumes."

Robin said "They are cool but they need to be given a bath."

Buttercup said "Forget them, where are the refreshments?"

Robin said "Come on, I'll show you."

Narrator As the Powerpuff Girls follow Robin the aliens watch the gathering of weirdly dressed kids.

Doctor said "I have never seen such a collection of odd creatures."

Captain said "Must be the cream of their mutated species. I'm getting nervous about this."

He sticks his finger up his nose as Ms. Keane comes over.

Ms. Keane said "Come on boys, despite your smell you can join in the fun. Those are very nice costumes. But would you please take your finger out of your nose."

Captain said "How dare you dictate to me, your conqueror!"

Ms. Keane said "Do as I ask or I'll have my asp bite you." She playfully waves her rubber snake in his face.

Captain said "Ah, Doctor! This human is threatening me with its entrails, and it has teeth!"

Doctor said "Come Captain, we must reconsider our strategy." As they make their way through the crowd they come upon Mike Believe who is wearing deely-bobs on his head, dressed in a silver space suit, and has his face painted blue.

Mike said "Hello fellow aliens."

Captain said "What's this? Another invader? What planet are you from?"

Mike said "I'm from Mars."

Doctor said "I thought the Martians became extinct?"

Mike said "We did after we last invaded the Earth."

Captain said "What? When was this?"

Mike said "Oh some years ago. Don't you remember the 'War Of The Worlds'?"

Doctor said "No, it must have happened after my last visit."

Mike said "Well we Martians launched an invasion fleet and had almost destroyed every human on the planet."

Captain said "What stopped you?"

Mike said "Germs."

Doctor said "Germs?"

Mike said "Yeah, those tiny things you can't see that make you sick and die."

Captain said "You can't see them?"

Mike said "Yep, they make you shrivel up and die a horrible death."

Doctor said "Why are you still alive?"

Mike said "They keep me around as a pet but my time is almost up. Oh no, this is the end! ACK!"

Mike grabs his throat and falls to the floor coughing and writhing.

Captain said "We must get out of here before these germs get us!"

Doctor said "Yes, a strategic retreat somewhere else would be most prudent right now."

The aliens quickly run out of the schoolhouse. Mike looks up from the floor.

Mike said "Some guys can't take a joke."

The aliens run down the street back toward where they left their spaceship.

Doctor said "These mutated humans must be impervious to their own germs."

Captain said "This planet is not worth invading if it is too dangerous for our kind."

Doctor said "I think it's safer to terra form a desolate asteroid."

Captain said "I'm all for that!"

Narrator When they get back to the ship the Captain falls into his chair and scream orders to his crew.

Captain said "Take off as soon as possible! Make course for home right away! Don't dally, we must leave before we are doomed!" His crew acknowledges his orders by sticking their fingers up their noses.

Captain said "They are such a loyal bunch of doofs." As the ship blasts off for space the Captain and Doctor breath a sigh of relief.

Doctor said "If you'll excuse me Captain, I must relax from this arduous mission by scrubbing my toilet."

As the Doctor leaves the bridge the Captain swivels his chair around to watch on the monitor screen as the Earth recedes in the distance. He shoves his finger up his nose.

Captain said "I salute the brave Martians who came before us and discovered the dangers of this world with their own lives. At least we outlived them." Then he hears one of his own crew members sneeze and he shudders.

Red and Pink Heart append

Narrator Halloween is save once again thank to the Powerpuff girls and Milk"

Happy Halloween"

-The End-

No such thing by Bell"

There's no such thing!

It's not a ghost because there's no such thing

I can't be frightened of a globby, green glow

'Cause I know there's no such thing

It picks up some playing cards

And shuffles the pack

It goes to the kitchen

It fixes a snack

It plays the piano

It swings on the swing

It does a lot considering there's no such thing

Then it boots my computer

As quick as you please

It floats on the keyboard

It presses some keys

Ghost "What creature might you be?"

Comes up on the screen

I type in, "a human being"

Suddenly, the rooms grows as icy as winter

And something comes out of the printer

Ghost

"No such thing!

You can't be human 'cause there's no such thing

Those human stories, they scare ghosts so

But we know there's no such to thing!"

Bell

Now hold the phone

I'm really real!

Ghost "You're not!"

Bell I am!

Ghost "Are not!"

"You're wrong!" I cried.

Ghost "All right, let's play a game of cards to decide"

Bell Okay, whoever wins the game,