Warning: There is blood and violence in this story from this chapter on. This is a mature read intended for a mature audience. You have been warned. I would also like to dedicate this chapter to my sister, who has been waiting patiently for an update :) (You're welcome lol) Back to the gore

Eight

Eira

All my life I had suffered from nightmares. Long before I was forced from my home as a child, my nights had been restless then too. When I was a little girl my father would make me a special tea to help me fall asleep. Only later did I learn there was nothing special about it in the first place, only the sheer confidence in him that it was.

The memory shattered into a million little pieces. I was a long way from my home, my bed, and my fathers smiling face.

Instead, my vision was tinted; colors I knew should have been there were muted. Almost gray, yet at the same time the darkest parts of the forest seemed brighter. I could see where my human eyes never could have. Nothing could hide in the canopy's shadow from these eyes. I was a huntress, a predator, an animal.

My senses had never felt more overwhelmed. The scents I came across were familiar, yet they somehow seemed more potent. The realization wasn't enough to distract me though, not while I was like this. Not while I was this― this― monstrosity.

I stopped in a clearing for a moment, stalking in a circle before drawing up to my full height and roaring into the snow covered woods. I dropped back down to all fours and took off deeper into the snow.

I was running faster than I had ever run in my entire life. Not even the snow drifts could stand in my way. My muscles flexed with each stride, propelling me forward with ferocity; my paws pounded into the snow. I could feel the raw power flexing beneath my skin, my fur. My claws gouged out what was beneath them, ripping up the otherwise undisturbed dirt beneath the snow layer. My lungs drew in massive breaths, clouds billowed from between my jaws as if smoke from a dragon's breath. I growled deeply, feeling the rumble deep within my chest.

That was when I spotted it. A true color, a scent.

It was a hint of crimson red mist, hovering ever so slightly above the ground. I howled into the sky, low and long. I took off in a fervor, my jaws snapping together. It was a trail, a trail of blood. Somebody had been wounded, somebody was bleeding.

I followed the scent to the source. I could hear his heart pumping blood from half a mile away. By the time the man saw me though… It was far too late to run. He was sitting at the entrance of a cave, wrapping bandages around an open wound on his arm. He was looking back, as if speaking to someone.

My jaws clamped around his neck before he could scream, locking him in place. With a snap he went limp and the small scream he did manage was silenced; my teeth ripped and tore through his flesh. On instinct, as if I had done it a thousand times, my tongue flicked out to slurp up the richest parts of my prey: the liver and the heart, then I whipped my head up at a noise.

I felt a slight twinge in my shoulder before I realized there was a man hiding in the shadow of the cave entrance in fear. There was an arrow jutting from my skin, but I couldn't feel any pain; if there was any it was nothing compared to the rage that had tinted my vision crimson. He was notching another arrow, but he didn't have the chance to let it fly.

There was a wooden doorway between us, it splintered when I launched myself through it in a mighty leap. The man screamed in utter terror; he tried to scramble away but we both knew it was a waste of effort. My claws found him and he fell, his screams were cut off abruptly after a brutal jerk of my jaws and I fed.

I knew deep down that this disgusted me. Somewhere deep inside I stood as a shadow of myself, watching in horror, screaming hysterically to find my own humanity. I had no control, yet the noises, the squelching of blood consumed me; I felt my body convulse in disgust before the beast regained utter control and roared indignantly.

Hunger. It was the only thing this monster wanted, death and blood.

I refused to believe this was me. I could never do this to anybody by choice. Yet, here I stood watching my own nightmare, unable to stop it as my own limbs stepped forward for yet more blood.

"Monster!" I heard somebody scream from within the cave.

Their screams and voices echoed back to me; their scents drifted into my nostrils. I could smell their fear, their terror. Yet still all I could see was red.

XXX

I awoke on the floor, curled in a ball so tight that my legs were stiff with pain. Every bone in my body felt bruised and sore. It felt like I had been run over by a carriage and somehow managed to live. A weak cough escaped my throat, my breaths came in shallow gasps. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, it felt like there was a pressure on my chest. The dirt floor felt rough against my cheek, I blinked my eyes open slowly and found myself inside a dimly lit room.

I was not myself; I lay frozen to the ice cold floor as a statue, unmoving.

I could not hear a soul. There were no sounds. No running water, no dogs barking, not even a cricket chirping. The only thing I could hear were the rodents scurrying along the cave floor. I tried to lift my cheek from the dirt slightly, but couldn't.

My head was splitting in half with a headache; I grit my teeth and held my temple miserably. I seethed as I slowly, slowly, raised my head. I could smell something rust-like, metallic. I knew it was blood. My gaze fell downwards and I realized it was me, I was covered in it. My hands, my arms, my chest. I could only imagine what my face looked like.

A cry left my lips in horror. The realization that my dreams hadn't been dreams was too much to bear. Already I could feel the guilt clamping down on me like an iron vice. My dreams had been memories. Nausea rolled up from my stomach; I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and promptly vomited out whatever had been in my stomach. I refused to open my eyes until I crawled away from the putrid spot. I didn't want to know, couldn't, know. I couldn't even fucking think about it. I squeezed out hot tears that probably left trails through the blood on my cheeks.

A shrill wail hurt my ears, and after a moment I realized it came from my lips. I clamped a hand over my mouth, yet no other sounds came from the cave. Anybody that had been inside was dead. Dead because of me. I had killed them.

After a long moment I let my hand drop and I was cursing Hircine and his fucking ring to Oblivion. Each word was a spat on my lips. I was cursing the Companions, the kidnappers, and Hircine again. I didn't trust anybody. But the Companions... They were those― those― monsters.

I'm a monster.

My cursing finally quieted, my throat hoarse. The realization didn't strike me like it would have years ago. I was so used to being a freak, what difference would this make? I laughed without humor, knowing I was losing my mind. I was finally falling apart.

Despite everything that I had suffered, everything I had been through mentally, emotionally, and physically, this took the cake. This, somehow, would be the situation that would provoke me to lose my mind. I could lay here and simply give up. It would be so easy to do, my body felt so weak. And I was so tired of fighting… continuing on this miserable life. There was nobody left I was close to, besides Vex. She had been my sister in crime for many years. Our friendship was one of the few I had allowed myself. This was exactly why I was afraid to get close to anyone. The people I loved always ended up dead and I knew it was because of me.

I could hear Vex's voice, I knew what she would say. I snapped my teeth together, wiping the wetness from my face. My hand came away wet and crimson red.

There was a chair beside me, I gripped it tightly and hauled myself to my feet.

"Fuck that." I grit, as if giving up here had really been an option.

I wouldn't give up on Vex. It didn't matter what happened to me, the only thing that mattered was finding her and bringing her home.

I would grit my teeth and bear the pain until then. After that, I could retire and go crazy in a cave somewhere… after I made every single one of them pay of course. I stood and a breeze made goosebumps stand up on every inch of my skin.

It was that moment I realized that I was completely naked. I covered my chest with my arms before I realized there was nobody around to see me anyway. My gaze flickered around the room, searching for my clothes. I remembered with chagrin, that I had lost them all when I had transformed into that hideous thing.

My gaze traveled around the room again, inspecting it more closely this time. There was a bed in one corner, a table, a chair, a chest, and a blood trail leading to where I had woken up. I stuck my head out into the hall, but there was no sign of life. I could smell the dead already, but tried to ignore it as I inspected the cave walls. I had been here before, and after a moment I placed it as Uttering Hills Cave.

This was the place I had come to disband a group of high elves that had tried to encroach on our territory. The Summerset Shadows they had called themselves. After I had learned they had murdered Torsten Cruel-Sea's daughter, Fjolti, I had bore down on them as a divine avenger. Nobody had escaped my clutches then either, and I had ensured they had suffered for their crimes.

It was almost fitting that this was where I had ended up… almost.

I realized in dismay that my cloak was nowhere to be seen either. My stomach dropped.

My cloak. The only thing I had to remember my father by. I tried to feel numb as I searched the cave for something to clean myself with. It was unbearable. After some exploring I found a water source and scrubbed the blood from my body. The freezing water left goosebumps in its wake across my skin. I shivered and stumbled back to the rooms. I was more than glad to find some of the Summerset Shadow's things still stashed in the back of a wardrobe.

If I had been in a better mood, I may have snorted at the sight of the armor I pulled from the depths of the closet. The Summerset Shadows hadn't been original enough to get their own design. It was very similar to our own guild armor, not very original. The leather I dawned had warm furs lined beneath and a hard leather shell on the outside. There were a number of straps to fasten the pieces into place. I pulled out a set of bags, seemingly empty, and claimed them as my own. There was a hood laced with fur, gloves, and boots. I was lucky enough that the boots fit almost perfectly. I found a steel sword in one of the chests, a dagger, a bow, and a sheath of arrows. I found a leather strip and tied my hair at the nape of my neck. After that I filled my new bag with food that wouldn't spoil, a canteen full of water and headed for the surface.

I had spent enough time in Uttering Hills Cave to last a lifetime. I never wanted to step foot inside again as long as I lived.

There had been a cold draft billowing through the tunnels, only getting stronger the closer I came to the top. I was shocked to see the state of what looked like a door.

At least… what used to be one. There was a corpse there, I bowed my head, feeling sick again. I had counted eight bodies in total; I grunted, nine, as I walked outside and found the very first victim.

I was so tired of death.

I wouldn't let myself forget their faces. I wanted to bury the memories of them all in the depths of my mind. That would have been the easy thing to do. Instead I forced myself to remember them, some twisted, some missing, but I remembered them all the same. I had done this, and if I didn't have time to give them proper burials then I could at least give them this. I wouldn't forget their deaths or their lives I had so viciously snuffed out. I felt my stomach somersault again but managed not to gag this time.

The snow was much thicker here than it had been down the mountain. The landscape was harsh, barren, and cold. The trees had thinned and there was very little vegetation about; the only trees I did see were half dead and decorated with broken limbs. It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the harsh brightness of the snow. Once they did it only took me another moment to find my bearings and picture my map over top of this landscape. I knew which way Windhelm was from here, and I turned that way briskly.

I took a breath so deep my lungs ached from the cold. I exhaled a cloud in front of me, already this journey had proven more difficult than I had anticipated. I'm not exactly sure what I had expected. Had I really believed that saving Vex would be so easy?

I shook my head. I was a fool.

I hadn't even reached my first destination and already I had lost all my belongings, been cursed by a daedra, and murdered nine people in cold blood. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment before pressing on through the snow.

I would not let Vex die. I couldn't. I had lost too many people in my life already, her loss would kill me. I knew it would. She was one of the only people in this world I could call a friend. A true friend. I would never give up on her and I knew she would do the same for me.

Although I had lost my bag, I still remembered every detail of that piece of paper. Every word, every letter, smudge, and wrinkle.

To whom it may concern,

I want the amulet that is currently in the possession of Vignar Gray-Mane in Whiterun. I request your highest ranking agent complete this job due to the amulet's guarded location. I will pay whatever fees may be owed as long as a fast delivery is made or else payment will not be certain. This job is urgent.

TSS

I knew exactly who he was. Torbjorn Shatter-Shield. He was a man that lived in Windhelm, a man that had had his wife and daughter murdered right under his nose not months earlier. A man whose family was very involved in the Civil War. A man who may have nothing to lose, I thought.

As far as I knew, they had been a target of the Dark Brotherhood before they were destroyed by the Imperials. There had been some rumors that he had gone mad after their loss, so why was he interested in an amulet of all things? An amulet that belonged to Vignar Gray-Mane? And why would he ask for me? This was often how many of our clients asked for me personally, knowing my reputation through the guild itself. It was the only way we could distinguish high profile jobs like this.

But as far as I knew, Torbjorn Shatter-Shield was not a man that knew anybody in my guild. If he did, I would know about it. So how did he know, and why is Vex missing? The setup that Vex had been caught in had started with this man's request.

I had a few very simple questions to ask him.

The sooner I got to Windhelm the sooner I would have these questions answered. I gripped my new sword and cringed when I felt the hard surface of Hircine's ring on my finger. Peeling off my glove, I inspected it closely, not bothering to try and pry it off like I did the first time. It was a silver ring that came to almost a point on one side. There were two crimson gems studded to create eyes staring back at me. The snout of the wolf had its teeth bared, as if it were about to bite me. I hissed and shoved my hand back into my glove.

That stupid Companion just had to drag me into this mess. As if I wasn't good at getting myself into shit as it was. I didn't need his help to make things worse. I closed my eyes; I could still see him standing there like a divine in my memory.

Anger boiled within me that I would even think such vile thoughts; I felt the ring on my finger flash with heat. I took a deep breath, willing it away.

There would be a time to be afraid of what I had become, but now wasn't it. Vex had little time as it was, and I didn't have any to spare if I was going to save her. I would not let her die. I refused.

For Vex's sake, I tried to think of nothing at all as I trudged through the snow, one step at a time.

XXX

By the time Windhelm had come into view, the sun was setting over the horizon. Darkness was creeping into night, the light fading away behind the mountains spanning the horizon. I could smell the city before I saw it. The stone walls loomed overhead, the Palace of the Kings stood tall and proud in the center. The home of Ulfric Stormcloak, the false High King.

The guards didn't give me a second glance as I passed through Windhelm's gates. My timing was perfect, they were headed towards the guard house; they would be changing shifts and I would be breaking and entering.

My footsteps were light as I made my way through the streets of Windhelm. The Candlehearth inn was aglow with light and laughter alike as I passed by. I caught the scent of spilled mead and something savory wafting lazily from the window. My stomach twisted, I pulled out a chunk of stale bread and forced myself to swallow it. I couldn't have it growling when I was trying to be silent.

The stone walls lining the streets gave me perfect darkness to stalk from. It didn't take long until I was standing outside the front door of the Shatter-Shield residence. My fingers twitched before they searched my bag for a lockpick that wasn't there; again I remembered my bag was absent. I swore quietly.

Before anyone passed by and noticed me standing outside the door awkwardly, I had slipped around the darker side of the house. My breaths were even, my hands steady. They didn't tremble like my insides did. My footsteps faltered, I gripped my stomach when the churning didn't subside; my insides were melting.

I felt a hot flash pass through my body starting from my right hand. I fell to one knee, gripping my chest as my body trembled. My breaths were ragged; I felt my pulse thundering under my skin. It was pounding, pounding so hard it was all I could hear, all I could feel.

I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed my temples. I felt a bead of sweat drip down the back of my neck. The ring around my finger was vibrating, the hard metal getting warmer the more my panic increased. I shuddered. I was falling apart at the seams and I knew it.

This was not the time to transform into a ravenous monster.

My pulse beat dangerously faster at the thought.

"No." I grit through my teeth, quieter than a whisper.

If I allowed myself to give up now, I may not ever see Vex again. And if I were to go rabid in the middle of this city… I shuddered. Who knew how many people I would kill before the beast was satisfied. Would it ever be satisfied, I wondered. I didn't want to know the answer. And more likely than not I would not leave the city alive if that happened.

I forced my breaths to become even and did my best to steady myself. Breathe in deeply, breathe out slowly, breathe in deeply, breathe out slowly. Finally, after many long moments of trying to breathe like a normal person, I lifted my head to affirm that I was still alone. I was.

I felt my heartbeat slowing, and only by sheer willpower did I keep it that way. I would think of nothing at all. My mind was a tranquil shadowy spring, with lots of shade, darkness… and more darkness. I was as even as an undisturbed pool of water.

With a final determined deep breath I stood. I was strong, I had to be. I had to keep telling myself I was because the alternative was not an option.

Nobody had noticed my moment of weakness, I thanked Oblivion for that small mercy.

I forced my legs to move. My body lurched forward awkwardly before I steadied myself. I kept creeping towards the back of the house. One silent step at a time. I heard nothing coming from within. There was no sound. There were no signs of life.

I found myself in the darkness behind the house, I was dismayed to learn there was not a backdoor. Yet there were windows on the back wall. I pulled my stolen dagger from my sheath and plunged it deep into the window's frame. I knew there must be a latch within, a latch I may be able to―

A small click told me I was right.

I gently pulled the window towards me; I was glad it hardly made any noise. I stood quietly for a moment, listening, yet still I heard nothing. The house was completely dark. I wondered if there was a trap waiting for me.

A rush of air from within the house hit me right in the face. The smell would have made me puke up my bread if I hadn't been ready. My hand clamped firmly over my mouth and I still gagged a little.

I would recognize the smell of death anywhere.

XXX

Author's Note: Hello friends! FYI I got a new job so I won't be posting two chapters at a time anymore. My goal is to give you one a week sorry for making you wait so long for this.

Thanks for reading! Byeeeeeee