Skiing. Skiing is not only meant for the young, it's also meant for those who have not had surgery on their ankle. I told Elliot I wasn't going to be able to ski and he had come up with two compromises. One, I come and sit on the sidelines to watch them, play in the snow a bit, spend time with everyone or two, if it was okay with me, Noah could just come with them if I wanted some alone time.

I had laughed at that. Alone time? What the hell am I supposed to do? Sit and work all day while they had fun riding down hills and throwing cold ice at one another? No, thank you.

So, of course, here I am, sitting on a bench watching Elliot hold Noah's hands as he tries to balance on the two pieces of wood on his feet. Elliot is attentive with my boy, let's his hands go when he finds his balance, is quick to grab him again before he falls and it's nice to watch. Nice to see the way Noah smiles at him, nice to see the two of them laugh together, nice to finally see two people, who were always supposed to be in one another's lives, come together.

Because, let's face it, if Elliot wouldn't have left, he would have been there when I found Noah, he would have went to every court hearing with me, he would have went out and bought everything I needed for him when I brought him home for the first time, he would have helped me adjust to being a mother. He would have been there for every milestone of Noah's life.

But he wasn't there for anything and I'm actually not that upset about it anymore. Because I did amazing without his help. I learned the ins and outs of being a mother and a Captain by myself and it makes me proud, proud that the amazing boy laughing with Elliot is purely mine. I am raising him. And he's perfection, always has been.

I let out a laugh when Elliot trips head first in the snow trying to run alongside Noah, who is finally learning to keep his balance. Yeah, like I said, for the young. The man thinks because he's still build like a twenty year old, which is absolutely unfair in every fucking sense of the word, he can still run around in the snow like he had nothing to worry about. His knees are not the same, I can see that by the way he walks, by the way he struggles to stand after kneeling down, and he still thinks he can ride down a mountain on those damn boards.

I'm not sure if he hears me laugh or just happens to look over at me at the same time I laugh, doesn't really matter anyways, but I can see his smirk from here. I watch him help Noah balance again, watch him call Eli over, watch Eli take the spot he was standing in next to Noah and watch him make his way to me. I'm still sort of laughing when he sits on the bench next to me to nudge me with his shoulder.

"That funny, huh?" He asks, reaching to grab the hot cup of coffee resting in my hands.

I let him have it without thought, watch him raise it to his lips to take a sip and… comfort. Pure comfort with one another because there are men I've dated that I've never shared a drink with and Elliot and I have never even came close to kissing and I've handed many cups over to him willingly. "Yeah, pretty funny. You do know we're not thirty anymore."

He shrugs, "Gotta keep moving. I heard once you slow down, it all slows down with you."

When the hell did he become a philosopher? "You telling me things aren't slowing down when you can barely stand from a sitting or kneeling position?" Yeah, being mobile helps us, of course it does, but being fit doesn't stop us from feeling the effects of age. There's ways to slow it down but not ways to make it disappear.

He mugs me playfully then, "You trying to call me old, Benson?"

"Well, Maureen is almost 40, you're a grandpa, and your knees are giving out. So, yes, I'm calling you old."

Although he feigns offense, he chuckles, "If I'm old, you are you."

I laugh, "Maybe, BUT not as old as you. I still have another, hopefully, 10 years at least, until I'll be a grandmother."

He knows it's the truth and he knows there's really nothing more he can say to that, so he's quiet for a second. He takes another sip of my coffee, turns his body towards me a little so he can look more directly at me. "Well, I definitely don't feel that old yet."

Okay, what the hell was that? That tone he just fucking used with me because I know for a fact I've never heard such a rasp to it and this isn't, technically, the first time he's flirted with me.

I cannot let him know the way I felt an electric shock with that, so I shrug, "It'll catch up with you."

"I don't know. As long as I keep my stamina up, I think I'll be okay."

I scoff. This conversation is not a safe one for us to be having, especially since I'm feeling that warmth that spreads throughout my body, settle in the apex of my thighs. The man doing anything that requires stamina? Like yeah, I'm poking fun at him but to see the man bench press? Jesus. I shrug my shoulders, "Maybe. I just know I'm still not going to start bench pressing even if it is helping you." I stay fit, in my own way. I do yoga, light stretches, sometimes squats if I'm feeling up to it. I try to eat mostly healthy. I'm either constantly moving at work or home, and it works for me. And, there is no way in hell, I'm doing anything more. Well… I mean they always say sex is healthy too, so yup… shouldn't have gone there.

That warmth is still sitting in the apex of my thighs when he says, "Whatever you're doing, Liv. Keep doing it."

That warmth? Is now liquid trickling out of me because I can feel my panties moisten. He needs to stop complimenting me and he needs to stop using this fucking rasp with me. Safer territory. Right now. I only eye him suspiciously for a second. "You think he'll be able to go once with you guys today?" I gesture my chin towards Noah, who is now pushing off his stakes and sliding around the slow. He's a ballet dancer, so I already knew he wasn't going to have trouble learning the art of skiing.

Elliot seems to accept that I am done with that line of conversation and he grins before looking at Noah with me. "Without a doubt. Definitely a fast learner. With that dancing, I knew it wasn't going to take long."

Jesus. My eyes find his then, "Me too." Always so in sync.

He smiles, "You sure you don't want to try?"

"El, my…"

"I know, your ankle. But you're still wearing, like four inch high boots to work, isn't that almost as dangerous as this?"

"Did you really just ask me that question?" Like flying down a hill on a pair of planks and ice with nothing but stakes to stop you is equivalent to walking around my unit.

"I know, just gonna miss you up there."

Yeah, it definitely sucks. If I hadn't of been injured, I would have probably let him talk me into it. But we both know I'm liable to snap my ankle again with all these pins holding it together, and we do not want that. It still gives me problems every now and then, still needs to be iced when it starts to get achy and I do not need it to give me anymore. "I'll be here to watch you come down. With a phone and a camera, so try not to fall during my video, okay?"

He laughs, a full blown laugh and it makes me laugh, makes me really laugh. My hand clutching my side softly because my abs are not cut out for this type of muscle contraction anymore. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard and God, I really did miss this man.

"Thanks a lot, Benson."

I smile and right when he's about to stand up, I say, "I missed you too, Elliot." He had finally told me those words weeks ago and at first it had angered me. It still kind of does but to know that he had, in fact missed me, that he had the strength to tell me even when I already knew, makes me feel a little less alone in all of this. And I think it's about time he hears them too.

His face softens at that, his eyes fill with tears, and his hand reaches for mine. This is a very common occurrence for us now. When we see each other, we always find a way to touch hands. It's comforting and there's an intimacy to it that we've never experienced before. And we both seem to enjoy it. His thumb rubs along my knuckle, like it always does. "Every day, Liv. I missed you every day."

It's my turn to fill with emotion, my turn to sniffle and try to stop my tears. "I know," I whisper. Of course I know because I had missed him every day as well.

He gives my hand a tight squeeze and right when I squeeze it back, we hear his name being called loudly. We both look in the direction of the two boys on the snow and listen as Noah shouts, "I THINK I'M READY!"

We both laugh. "I better go make sure he's ready."

"Yeah, do that because that is my baby, Elliot." I'm about to allow this man to take my son to the top of a hill for the first time in his life and fuck, now I'm petrified. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea but there is no way I'm telling Noah he can't go now. I already told him he could.

"Don't worry, mom. I'll protect him."

I know he will. Just like he protected me for twelve years. Just like he protects his mother. Just like he protects his children and grandchildren. My son is a part of me and is now a part of him and I know he will protect him with his life.