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I forgot how good blue actually looks on me. Yeah, my hips still look big but really, at this point, there's no fucking denying they're there so might as well embrace the curves. Elliot seems to have already done that. Always touching pieces of me he probably always dreamed of touching. Pieces of me I've always dreamed he would touch and God, I cannot believe our relationship is finally about to come full circle.

I do one more glance at myself in the mirror, apply my darker shade of lipstick, run my fingers through my fresh curls and okay. I'm ready for our first, official, date. A date with guaranteed no interruptions, at a nice place, with the many colors of the falls next to us, with the man I've always wanted and I already know, it's going to be amazing.

When I open the door, Elliot is sitting against the headboard, his feet propped up on the bed, his phone in his hand, dressed in one of those three piece suits I have grown to fucking love. His eyes are quick to find me, really quick. And they're just as fast to rake down my body.

From the top of my head, to the tips of my toes and I can feel the goose bumps crawl across my skin. His eyes darken. They always darken when he's turned on and even already knowing that, makes my clit ache. He looks at me like I'm already naked. Like my body is bare of clothes and is his to freely look at. To freely appreciate. And fuck, how is he going to look at me when the clothes actually come off?

His eyes connect to mine, fully connect to mine and I can see what he's about to say to me. About how fucking beautiful I am to him. About how beautiful I've always been to him.

But he doesn't say anything, he just grins, stands up and makes his way to me quickly. So quick, that I barely have enough time to take a step forward to meet him. I do a little spin for him before he reaches for me so he can see the back, although there's really nothing special about the silver zipper, he can still catch a glimpse of his favorite asset.

And I know he's thankful, evident by the way his eyes move slowly back up to my eyes as I stop to face him again. His eyes are full of heat, of want and goddamn this man is going to kill me with his eyes.

I hardly catch my moan when his hands land on my hips, have to stop my body from shaking as they slide behind my back to pull me to him, our chests colliding in the most delicious way. And fuck, I feel my nipples harden against the black lace of my bra already.

He leans in close, really close, his lips so close to my ear that I swear to fucking God, he just lightly touched my lobe. "You're so fucking sexy, Olivia."

Oh. Well that's not exactly what I was expecting him to say but goddamn. Those words hit me right between the thighs. I can't even remember the last time someone called me sexy, the last time I've even felt sexy but Elliot has a way of making me feel things I haven't felt in a long time. And when he slides his hands sensually up my back and pulls my earlobe into his mouth gently, I can't help the whimper that escapes my lips. Then he whispers, huskily, deeply and damn I will never tire of this tone. "I can't wait to make love to you."

"El..." Yeah, that was a moan. A quiet moan because those words just went straight to my clit. My God, this man is trying to kill me. I pull away from him slightly, to look in his eyes and I realize he's not trying to kill me. He's trying to seduce me. Like I'm not already seduced enough just being next to him and now I have to deal with this throughout our whole dinner? Heaven help me.

But when he only grins at me because he knows exactly what he's doing, I grin too. We've already established there's an inner sex goddess in me and trust me, I know how to use her. We are both going to suffer during this dinner, not only me. So I snake my hands up, around his neck, lean forward to kiss him lightly on the neck, a spot where I've hardly touched, and whisper, "I already know you're going to feel incredible inside me."

My teeth connect to his skin briefly at the last word and the groan that escapes his mouth is almost feral. His hands drop to my ass, and the man really is obsessed with my ass, gives me a firm squeeze before sensually running them along my hips and up my sides. "If you want to eat, we better go."

He's losing his resolve, finally losing his resolve and he fucking knows it. By the look in his eyes and the bulge once again growing in his pants, and I wonder if he took care of himself out here, he's about 10 seconds away from throwing me on the bed. And fuck, I really wish I could let him. Later.

So I nod, kiss his lips, whisper "Later, El," and walk around him. He curses under his breath and yeah, Stabler, I already fucking know.

EO

The restaurant is nice and... expensive. I don't even have to see the prices to know that much. Its walls are pretty much windows, the falls right outside. It's already dark, the colors of the lights are already streaming through the water and I pick a spot to stand to watch them as he checks us in. I catch him out of my peripheral vision whispering something to the host, see the host mouth, "Of course," before Elliot finally makes his way over to me.

"Ten minutes," he says, his hand coming to wrap around my waist.

I sigh, "Ten minutes because he has to do whatever you just told him to do?"

He chuckles, "You're too observant sometimes."

"Yeah, well I'm a Captain, that's my job."

"You're a good Captain."

I nod because I am. I know I am. SVU is my life, always has been and to be the commanding officer is a privilege. An exhausting privilege but a privilege. "Thank you."

He squeezes my hip, looks out the window with me, "It really is beautiful."

I laugh, "You talking about the falls finally?"

He cracks that fucking grin again, "I am but I'd still rather look at you." I turn my head towards him, connect my eyes to his, "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, Liv. You always have been."

I hum and step a little closer to him. I've never been big on PDA, I don't need someone's hands all over me in public. But Elliot, I don't know what it is with this man, but I swear everything I thought I didn't like, is just going straight out the fucking window. I was deprived of his touch for so long, so fucking long. 24 years to be exact and dammit, that's a lot of touching to make up for.

I tilt my chin up, let him kiss me lightly on the lips and whisper, "You're just trying to get in my pants."

He chuckles, "I mean... I am but it is the truth."

Well, at least he's not denying it. I'm actually pretty sure he's never going to deny it again. And after this weekend? We're going to know for a fact how fucking good it is and shit, we're going to have to work on seeing one another more often. Without a doubt.

I'm just about to open my mouth to tell him just that but the voice saying, "Stabler, table for two," stops me.

I follow the host, Elliot follows me and of course the man managed a table right by a window facing the falls. Not only did he manage the table with almost the best view, it's also covered in rose petals and candles, something that isn't present on the tables around us and oh, that's what took the extra 10 minutes. I mug him slightly because really, he didn't need to do so much but he only smiles at me, of course he only smiles at me and pulls my chair out for me.

I whisper a thank you, accept the menu the host hands to me and watch him pull his chair a little closer to mine. Close enough that our knees are touching because this man really can't help himself and I'm not going to complain.

I open my menu almost instantly. If that growl in the room wasn't evidence enough, I'm fucking starving. And when my eyes fall on the price of the first thing I see, $40 for a plate of six oysters, I almost groan. Why are these restaurants so fucking overpriced now?

He grabs my knee softly, "Just get what you want, Liv."

Oh, I'm going to. I'm hungry and this is where we're eating and a nice meal actually relaxes me, so I'm going to. But he is not paying. I know he thinks he's paying but he is not going to be the only one spending money on this trip. So, with my mind made up I nod and start eyeballing everything on the menu.

As I'm choosing, our waitress comes up to leave bread and butter, and yes, please, and Elliot orders a bottle of Cabernet. She offers us a pan seared scallop special for an appetizer and with an approving look between us, because we've never needed words, we order that as well.

When she walks away, I reach for a piece of bread instantly. I really am hungry and that's definitely evident by the way I can't even decide what to eat on this menu. I'm stuck between a New York strip and a bowl of seafood pasta and when I pick the menu back up to look at it he laughs at me. Okay, asshole.

"Shut up," I tell him, my mouth full of buttered bread. Hmm, the grilled chicken with sautéed mushrooms and onions sound bomb also and shit, I'm never going to fucking decide what to eat right now.

The waitress comes back with our bottle of wine and our glasses, asks if we're ready to order and Elliot doesn't hesitate telling her we need a little more time. He's getting enjoyment out of my struggle and as he lifts his glass to his lips he says, "Maybe should have given you the menu on the way over here."

Alright, that's it. I poke his side playfully and he grasps my wrist, pulls his chair closer to mine and pulls me against him. I laugh out loud and look around to make sure our antics haven't disturbed those around us. There's a younger woman staring at us but it's not in an annoyed way, more in a humor way and when I offer her a smile, she smiles back at me.

This, this, aspect of Elliot and I's relationship is what makes us so special. He's the only man I've been able to fully be myself around. The only man I've trusted with my whole life. The only one who makes me laugh even when I don't want to. He's my friend, my best friend. My best friend who knew me before. Who knows who I was and after tonight will know who I am. And I feel like the conversation that awaits us tonight is one that, although is going to suck, is going to bring us even closer together.

I lean in, which actually isn't that far with how close we are now and kiss him lightly, "I don't know if I want steak or pasta."

"Well, I want steak. So we can get the 16 oz and the pasta you want."

"You'd share your steak with me, Stabler?"

He kisses me once more, "Only with you, Benson."

Dinner is good, really good. And Elliot and I share our plates perfectly. Always so in sync. When I reach for a bite of his steak, he reaches for a bite of my pasta and it's oddly romantic and comical at the same fucking time. We never run out of things to talk or laugh about and it's crazy that no matter how long you know someone, there will always be things to talk about.

We're sipping on our last glasses of wine, sharing a molten lava cake because they really have become my favorite and when he lifts the next bite to my mouth, I lean even further into him to take it sensually off the fork. Yeah, my inner sex goddess likes expensive food, wine and this man a whole fucking lot. My tongue darts out to lick my lips and those eyes follow every movement of it.

God, I want nothing more than to just take him by the hand, guide him to the car, yank him into our room and have my way with him. I want that. We both want that. We both need that. But I know we can't do that and the way that Elliot quickly reaches for the bill makes me know that that's exactly his intention.

I'm faster than him, always have been and snatch the bill off the table before he can. He tries to grab it back from me but I turn my body, look at the total, damn we're an expensive date and reach into my purse for my card.

"Olivia." I know he knows exactly what I'm doing and he's already protesting it.

"Hmm?"

"Give me the bill. I'm paying."

"No," I turn towards him again, both my card and the bill in my hand, "I'm paying." He once more tries to snatch it from me but I only lift my hand a little higher. We are in a restaurant for Christ sake, he isn't going to make that much of a scene. Well... at least I don't think he is.

"Liv..."

"El. You paid for the room and the gas and this isn't the only food we're going to buy. You really want to pay for everything?"

"Yes, that was my intention when I planned the trip. So give me the bill."

"Well, I don't agree with your intention, so I'm paying this bill." He tries to reach for it once more and I slide my free hand around his neck. Pull his face in a little closer to mine. "I got this one."

"But..."

I kiss him lightly, "You get the next one. We'll take turns."

He groans and wraps his arm around my back, "You're not taking no for an answer?"

Okay, this isn't the most ideal position for us to be in in a restaurant. We're essentially pressed up against one another, our hands gripping into one another's flesh, our lips inches from touching and fuck. I feel my breathing quicken. Keep it together, Benson. "No, I'm not. So deal with it."

He hums, runs his hand down my spine and what the fuck is this man doing right now? Then he's whispering, in that fucking voice. "This is our first official date, Liv. I'm the man. I'm supposed to pay."

This bastard. I know exactly what he's trying to do and no fucking way is he going to seduce me into letting him pay for this bill. I'm going to seduce him into letting me pay for it. I lean in closer to him, turn my head slightly to whisper back, "Oh, because I don't have your genitals, I can't pay for the first date?"

He chuckles. Low and deep and not at all innocent. And okay, I guess I'm not the only one playing this game right now. His hand is still moving down and down and shit. Did he really just grab my ass in a public restaurant surrounded by people? Yes, he fucking did. I whisper, "El…" because my god, I am so fucking turned on right now. And I don't even care where we are.

"I'm paying the bill, Liv."

Oh, yeah. That's what we were doing. So my mouth moves in closer, my lips finding his earlobe, "No, you're not." I take it between my teeth, suck lightly. He's not winning. He's not.

He groans lowly but I feel his grin against my cheek. Then his hand is moving under me, his fingers twisting, and no, he wouldn't dare. And when one of his fingers makes contact with my entrance, I jump slightly and sink my teeth into his lobe once more to catch my moan. He adjusts his wrist to sink into me as far as the angle and my dress will allow him to go, and holy shit.

Is he essentially fingering me right now? Yes, yes he fucking is. My fingers curl into his neck and fuck, this feels so fucking good. And as if that wasn't enough, he's whispering once more, his lips finding my earlobe, "Mmm, Liv, if you had some friction on your clit, you'd be coming by now."

His voice, his sex voice combined with the movement of his fingers has me on the edge. The pleasure is coiling up inside of me and with a few more thrusts and a few more whispers, I'm going to come. Right here, right here in this nice ass restaurant.

"I wonder how wet you are… I'm sure you're really wet…" God, I feel myself gush at those words, and I'm not even coming yet. And if I couldn't tell by the feel of it, Elliot makes sure to let me know, "Fuck, I can feel how wet you are now."

I whimper a quiet, "Elliot..." Yup, I'm coming. It's fucking happening, and he better fucking catch my moan and mask my shaking body somehow. I can already feel his free arm starting to wrap around me, and okay, he got me. I'm gonna…

But instead of my fall, I hear a loud ass groan behind us. I'm talking an obnoxious ass groan that people do to be complete fucking assholes. Elliot's fingers are instantly gone, his head is instantly lifting from my chin to look back at whoever just did that. And shit.

The way Elliot looks at whatever man is behind us scares the shit out of me. Not because I can't take his ass but because I know what he's capable of doing to other people with that look. I don't know how obvious our situation just was but anyone who saw and knew what was going on interrupted right when I was about to orgasm. And really, what dickwad does that? He couldn't stop it before? He had to wait until I was there and yeah, I can see Elliot's frustration.

But I really can't have Elliot beating up some asshole, so I just sit up straight, grab his ribcage and bring his eyes back to mine. I agree Stabler but no fighting. And to further make him forget about the pig, I say, "I guess you can pay the bill. You definitely won."

He grins and takes the bill from me quickly, "Put that away." He gestures to the card in my hand and I can't help but smile. He's really good.

EO
Our walk to the car is interesting. I swear we're a pair of geriatric cops acting like horny ass teenagers. It's actually kind of gross, to be honest. Super hot but kind of gross. His hand keeps sensually rubbing along my side, ticking my ribcage during its journey. The sensation causing me to jump with every ticklish spot. He drops it down occasionally to grab my ass. My hand is out resting against his chest, so that his body is almost wrapped around mine. And I cannot remember the last time I've felt so good.

He whispers, "I love your ass," on one squeeze and I laugh.

"I can tell."

"I mean, I love all of your curves. You're, you're so perfect."

Perfect. I'm so far from perfect it's kind of disgusting at this point of my life. Not that I don't find myself attractive, I do. In my own way, I do. But… I'm not perfect.

I know he doesn't mean it in any sort of way. He's just being Elliot and it's hard for him to know these triggers when he doesn't know what happened. Which is why I need to tell him. It's not only the physical changes, it's the mental as well.

The next stop is back to our room. Back to the place where I'm going to tell him everything. And the most nerve-racking thing is Elliot most likely thinks he's going to be able to throw me on the bed as soon as we get there. Of course he thinks that. Look at us. And Jesus, I want him to do that. I completely want him to do that. Fuck.

I keep thinking that maybe I should give him some type of heads up. Some type of warning to let him know that I need to talk to him about something serious, so sex isn't going to happen tonight. But I don't know what I'm supposed to say and he must sense the tension because when he opens the car door for me, he asks, "You okay?"

I want to nod. I want to lie and tell him yes. I want to skip this whole fucking night but I can't. Because this needs to happen. And he sees it. I see the moment he sees it in my eyes. That there's something. When his shoulders slump slightly, I reach out to stroke his cheek. He has done nothing wrong and it's important that he knows that. Important that he knows that through this whole conversation that is about to happen. Yes, he left me. Yes, he didn't save me. But what happened to me is not his fault. It will never be his fault. And he's going to need to accept that, just as I've accepted what has happened to me.

My hand slides from his cheek, to his neck, pulls him close enough so I can kiss his jaw, and it's going to be amazing when I can kiss him everywhere, then his lips lightly. "We'll talk in the room. Okay?"

Although he's trying to read me, he nods, gives me another kiss. A kiss not as light but not as heavy as they've been. Still equally as sensual. "Okay, Liv."

And as he closes the door, I take a deep breath in, look back to glance at the colors of the falls again, breathe out and try to relax the beat of my heart. Try to remember that no matter what happens, no matter how deep I fall into my trauma, Elliot will be here.

He'll be here to hold me. He'll be here to help pull me back to him. He'll be here to kiss every part of me afterwards. He'll be here. Because our relationship? Is about to come full circle.

Finally.