Hope you are ready for a hilarious entry.

MONDAY

BRITTANY'S POV

Dear, Diary,

Where do I begin? This day has been a real trip...and not like a trip to Hawaii or something. Let me explain. Gosh, how DO I explain? Okay, start at the start.

Today our whole class was taken to the school library for a mandatory job test thing. It was supposed to tell us what jobs would be perfect for us after high school. Sounds fun, right? Wrong! The questions were really personal and tough to answer and then when it calculated my results...I got Lexicographer and Book Editor. I didn't even know what the first one meant! Simon explained that it means I get to edit the dictionary. How is THAT my perfect job? The test must be WRONG! There has to be some mistake!

Well, I suppose if the test really did predict my future job, I can make the best of it. The first thing I'll do is add Alvin's name to the dictionary as an adjective meaning "annoying, loud, rambunctious troublemaker." After that, I will delete the word STUPENDOUS from existence so that Two point Weirdo can't use it as his catchphrase anymore.

After school, I started sketching out my plans for how to set up the science fair in the auditorium. I'll have to hire someone to move a lot of chairs. We need a wide open space. Holding the science fair outside would be a much better idea...or even in the cafeteria. Maybe I can run my ideas by the Principal. She values everything I say.

I went to put on a fresh coat of lipstick today and I noticed that someone has been rummaging through my makeup drawer. I hope it's Eleanor. She could really use some eyeshadow, eyeliner, and lipstick to highlight her best features. She always looks so plain. Come to think of it, both my sisters do when we aren't onstage. It's a real shame. Makeup could really help them boost their self esteem. I can't force them into anything. I just have to wait for them to realize on their own.

Great news to end the day with! I just got a text from Anita inviting me to her party this weekend! I think I'll need to go shopping for a new party dress. Maybe I'll ask Alvin to make me some shoes since his job test said he'd be great at that. He was a shoe cobbler in a school play once. He's born for it if you ask me.

I'm going to go soak in a nice warm tub with some bath salts now. Maybe I can finally un-tense my shoulders.

JEANETTE'S POV

Dear, Diary,

Do you think I'd make a great teacher? Apparently, my job aptitude test thinks I would. I could have sworn I checked no for the question that said "Do you want to teach children?" I'm more of an influencer from afar than a direct teacher. The two things the test thinks I should teach are Dance and Photography. While I'm good at both of those things, I feel like Brittany would be better.

I checked up on my garden when I got home from school and all my plants are absolutely flourishing! They all told me that they love the new soil I've been using and that I've been giving them the right amounts of water. Plants are very finicky about water. Too little and they dry up, but too much and they drown and die! You have to give them just the right amount in order for them to thrive and stay alive. Hehe! Rhyming!

I sent a text to Alvin. He had told me earlier he was devastated by his and Simon's test results. I told him that he was still in charge of his future, even if the fates were trying to pull him to a specific course. He could still complete that course in an Alviny way. Anyway, my text said "It'll be okay." He never responded though. I don't think he even read it.

After that, I found Pippi upstairs decorating her face with Britt's cruelty free makeup. That silly mouse! I quickly cleaned her off and put everything away before Brittany could find out and cause a serious tremor. The last time she shook the treehouse, one of my favorite picture frames broke and I had to superglue it back together. That made my hands sticky and when I opened the front door, I got my hand stuck on the doorknob for at least 30 minutes. It was funny, but a bit scary.

Where was I? Oh yes. I read some of the book I borrowed from the library. They were very informative and entertaining. That's the best combo. I just adore tucking myself into bed with a snuggly plushie or two and a good book. This particular book is all about a group of penguins searching for their lost family member called Scamper. I think there's a movie based on it too. I'll see if the video store carries it. The penguins are so cute! Such fascinating Antarctic creatures. Oh...I should probably stop writing before I start talking about the life cycle and fun facts about penguins. As much as I wish to, if I do, I'll be up half the night. Sleep is very important.

Goodnight, Diary!

ELEANOR'S POV

This is the private journal of Eleanor Nichole Miller. Anyone caught touching this will be SORRY!

Police Detective Eleanor Miller here! I took a job aptitude test at school today and boy was it ACCURATE! Dream job CONFIRMED! How cool is that? The others weren't so lucky. Well, actually Theo was...and so were Kevin and Cheesy. Kevin's said he should be an Animator or Game Designer. Cheesy's said he was destined to be a Baker or Pastry Chef. I'm going to be a Police Detective! Or a Chemistry Technician! Or both! There's a ton of chemistry concepts that go into detective work. Biology concepts are also a biggie.

Everyone keeps telling me to hold back and contain my excitement, but I CAN'T! I have known I want to be a detective ever since I assisted Jeanette in solving the case of the kidnapped Talking Teddy. I am amazing at finding clues and interrogating suspects. Plus, I'm a super sneak...which you already knew.

Back to the green bean case. I took the red ribbon over to the boys' house so I could run it through Simon's DNA analysis machine. There was a problem though. The door to the basement was locked! I tried to get in through the vent system, but there was a huge padlock with a number code holding the vent cover in place. So close and yet so far! I could see through the multiple slats on the vent cover. There wasn't even anyone IN the basement so I could beg to be let in.

Fed up and feeling annoyed, I returned home to puzzle over the other data I've collected about the case. Brittany interrupted me and said I look "radiant" today which was….weird. I might have another mystery on my hands. The mystery of the absurdly nice sister. She's gotta be hiding something.

Simon texted me with some awesome news! I can't disclose what it is because he fears it becoming public knowledge. It's a very juicy secret and I am touched that he texted me before he told everyone else. He's an alright guy and I know he'll go on to do record breaking things. My bet's on him winning a Nobel prize AND a first place medal. He's that good.

Gonna catch some Zs now. Peace out, Journal.

THEODORE'S POV

Dear, Diary,

Today, I had a breakfast sandwich which is what I call two pancakes with jelly and a mashed banana between them. I washed it down with some almond milk and it was a really satisfying breakfast. I felt really ready for school after that.

School was okay. Nothing much happened until the middle of the day. We were told to answer this big 100 question test to find out what job we'll do in the future. I was really nervous thinking I'd get a job I don't like and be stuck with it forever. Simon and Jeanette told me that's not how it works. The job choices it gives are just suggestions. I don't have to take them.

I might want to take them, actually. I got Child Care Worker and Crossing Guard. I never imagined myself as a Crossing Guard, but it makes sense. I love helping people and helping them cross the street safely sounds pretty fun. Plus, I have already babysat a bunch of times. Kids seem to love me….except Neville. He's kind of a meanie. Child care seems doable. I'm really glad I got those results.

Lunch was really good! I had some potato wedges with just a little pinch of salt, some corn, some cabbage, and broccoli. My beverage of choice was a classic! A juice box! It was cherry and mango flavored.

After school, I started practicing my crossing guard moves downtown. It went really well until Officer Dangus told me I had to stop standing in the middle of the crosswalk cuz I was gonna get run over. I told him about my job test and he high fived me and said "way to go, little man."

Then, I bought a celebration double chocolate ice cream with multi colored sprinkles. Mmmm! I ate it on my walk home so there was no evidence and my brothers wouldn't complain about not getting ice cream.

My brothers fought again tonight. I don't know what it was about cuz I tried my best to tune them out, but it sounded really bad. Just really really bad. My guess is it was about basketball. They both seem to talk a lot about basketball lately. They were silent during dinner, (which was salad and raspberries) giving each other the stink eye the whole time. Tension was real bad. I wanted to ask what was wrong, but Dave seemed stressed enough without adding another fight to his stress.

I know you're supposed to be a private diary, but is it okay if I let Talking Teddy read you so that he's not left out? I don't like keeping secrets from Teddy. I know Teddy isn't actually real-real, but he FEELS real to me. I won't share everything with him. I promise. Just the most important highlights.

I'm going to go have some mint chocolate chip cookies from the cookie jar as a bedtime snack now. Just a couple! I promise! I love writing in you, Diary. It's very good therapy.

SIMON'S POV

This Journal is Property of Simon Oliver Seville

DO NOT TOUCH: ESPECIALLY YOU, ALVIN!

I almost skipped breakfast this morning. I was in a rush. I managed to grab a cereal bar for some protein and vitamins and then I ran out the door. I was very nervous about school, more specifically what I planned to do after school.

First three class periods were business as usual. Miss. Smith praised me and my good grades which made the class mad and made Alvin feel unnoticed. This caused him to act out. He was seconds away from being sent to detention when we were all called down to the library.

In the library, we were each given a small school issued laptop and told to take a Job Aptitude test. I did as well as I could on a crummy laptop with half the keys missing. At least a big portion of the questions were multiple choice and only required mouse movement. The mousepad was sticky, but I pushed through.

The results left me flummoxed and flabbergasted. I expected it to say my most likely job was something, anything to do with science. That's not what it said at all! Hold on to your hat for this one, it said that the career best fitting for me and my skills was...a Professional Athlete or a Gym Teacher. I decided that was the final sign I needed. Joining the basketball team was undoubtedly the right move. Even though the test was probably random, I felt….liberated by my result.

So, like a complete imbecile, I confronted Coach Dopkins and asked if I could try out for the basketball team. He took one look at me and said "listen, Simon. Why don't you stick to soccer and dodgeball? I mean, a little guy like you isn't going to be able to score a single basket." I begged him to give me a chance to prove I could, and he agreed that I would have two minutes to impress him.

I was trembling. My palms were sweaty. I fumbled the first shot and began to second guess my decision in my head. I knew I could do this, but the coach watching me caused me to freeze up. I took the second shot, and the ball rolled around the rim before dropping in the net. Third shot, nothing but net. Then, I turned around and ran to the 3 point line. It was time for the final shot. I took aim and the ball sailed into the net making a perfect arc in the air.

Coach Dopkins dropped his sunglasses and stared at me in disbelief. He said "I'll get you a tiny jersey" and like that, I had secured my place on the school basketball team. Practice starts Wednesday and I WILL be READY! I texted Eleanor to tell her the great news, but I told her not to tell anyone. They'll be surprised in time. The longer I can postpone a certain someone from discovering it, the better.

Speaking of that certain someone, Alvin was extremely bummed to learn about my test result. He accused me of hacking the system to get it and trying to replace him as the most athletic Seville brother. This was followed by us hurling nasty insults at each other and then I almost blurted out my secret.

How am I going to keep this secret? He's going to learn eventually. When he does….I fear it's GAME OVER.

ALVIN 2.0'S POV

Wassup, totally not girly Journal that definitely did not come from Justice: For Girls. Okay, fine. Jig's up, Dave. I know it did. Brittany saw an identical one on display at the mall and she will NOT SHUT UP about it. Newsflash, if something has a large glittering A on the cover, it doesn't ALWAYS mean I want it.

Moving on, today pretty much sucked. I know I said I'm not supposed to fill this journal with only negative thoughts, but I have THE WORST luck ever. I can never win anything. I'm starting to think I should pull out of the science fair now before I embarrass myself.

Miss. Smith was once again disenchanted by my good student behavior. Meanwhile, Simon sucked up all the praise in the classroom like a blue shirted black hole! He's better than me at EVERYTHING! My achievements mean nothing when he's got higher grades, more prospects in life, a less annoying attitude, and now….he's trying to beat me at being sporty too. Next, he'll be better than me at singing and replace me as the lead singer! I just know it! My voice is….not what it used to be. It's still good, definitely good. I notice a distinct difference in my ability to hit high notes though. This is what I get for wishing for puberty I guess.

Back to the classroom, I was seconds away from being tossed in the detention room after school. Then, our whole class got called out for some boring job test. My nerd-mode activated and I went through the questions at the speed of light. When the test ended, it told me the best career for me wasn't rockstar or scientist or athlete or even actor. It told me that the best fit was...for me to be either a hairdresser or shoemaker.

I don't want to be either of those things! Already spent two weeks being a shoe cobbler for a school play once! I got GOOD at making shoes, but I don't LIKE making shoes. Unless you count the rainbow ones. I didn't make them though, I colored them with marker Cuz they were plain white shoes.

Could I be a hairdresser? Maybe. Not particularly thrilled with that either. I do have nice hair. Maybe I can help other people have nice and cool looking hairstyles too. Idea! Ding ding ding! What if I made an invention that instantly combs, cuts, and styles hair!? It could be based on user preferences too. I could make like 100 or more different presets to choose from! Oh this is great! Maybe that job test wasn't so bad.

At least I'm not Britt, she got a really REALLY boring career. Dictionary editor! Haha. While she calls me little shoe man, I will tease her until the dawn of time about that one. Kevin got my dream career of Videogame designer. I wish I could switch with him. Coding combines my love of Videogames with my love of math….did I really just write I love math? I'm shuddering right now.

Anyhulahoop, Simon showed me his perfect job score. He got Professional Athlete. Why couldn't he have gotten something lame like garbage collector? Or bricklayer? Or...I dunno...ANYTHING but athlete! Simon told me we're all unshackled from our roles now, thanks to my decision to be 2.0. He said this means he's entitled to be an athlete if he wants and there's nothing I can do about it. I begged him not to join the basketball team. I tried to frame it in a way that made him think I was looking out for his safety, when really I just…..hated having a sportier brother to one-up me in yet another thing I enjoyed.

My conscience, who I call my nerd-side, tried its best to persuade me that Simon being sporty wasn't the end of my world. Classic Alvin retreated to the corner of my mind to sulk, so I probably won't hear from him for a few weeks. I would join the basketball team too, but...I don't have the time for it in my schedule. Luckily, now that I think of it, neither does Simon.

Back to the whole roles thing, I'm struggling to figure out what my role in the family is anymore. I'm less of a troublemaker. At least, I try to be. Not being a troublemaker has sort of got me lost. If Simon does become an athlete, I fear I'll slip into his old role of being the fun crusher. A total 180 degree flip. It's a shame I put in so much effort hanging on to classic Alvin. I was doomed to lose him from the start. Nothing will ever be the same.

Fun fact, I didn't come up with the test results on my own. These were the actual results of taking a free online job test for each chipmunk. Alvin's and Britt's have got me laughing for days.