đ“…“

RJ's POV

It'd been a week since Merle and his brother joined the group, and I'd be lying if I said that I didn't regret it every now and then.

Merle had always been a bit...crazy. I guess a part of me just hoped that time in prison would've shut him up, but I was wrong. If anything it made him worse.

Somehow I found myself spending more time with the Dixon's than anyone else, which could've been because they didn't ask questions or get annoying as the campers did. Actually, Merle got annoying, but one annoying person at a time was my limit.

Shane was starting to get used to Merle's...everything, but I had a feeling it was because The Dixon's did a good job in feeding the camp, no matter how much they bitched and griped when new people came along.

We had a few new members like Jim. He came a few days ago after Glenn found him on a run.

Everything had officially gone to shit. Atlanta was gone, the government was gone, the military was gone, civilization was gone, pretty much everything was in the shitter. So we had to take it upon ourselves to take what we needed to survive.

Shane set up his C.B. a few days ago after Lori said we needed to ward people away from Atlanta. It was completely overrun by geeks, and going in it was like asking for death.

"Hey, Fun-Sized." Merle's loud voice carried through camp and my eyes shut momentarily in exhaustion before turning in his direction to see him and Daryl headed towards me.

I noticed that Daryl was always quiet and reserved, it was like he was Merle's second shadow. Then again I couldn't bash him for it when I'd be doing the same thing if Rick were still around.

I quickly dismissed the thought of my brother, not wanting to awaken any actual emotions. Merle planted himself right in front of me with that stupid smile on his face, ignoring the fact that I was in the middle of cleaning my beretta.

"Goin' on a hunt. Y'should join us. Be nice to have someone else around other than Darlina." Every time Merle used that nickname it always brought out a scowl from Daryl, which I didn't blame him. Merle had a knack for mean nicknames that got under people's skin. Just ask the women around camp. Lori and I were the only ones safe from the name "Sugar Tits", mainly because Merle knew I'd kick his ass for calling either of us that bullshit.

My eyes traveled over to Shane where he was talking to Dale before turning back to Merle and sending him a nod.

"Don't take too long, Mutey!" He cheered as he walked away, knowing that I'd have to tell someone that I was heading out.

I continued reassembling my piece before walking over to Lori. I would've rather told her instead of Shane because he most likely would've disagreed and made me stay, whereas Lori would disagree but let me do it anyway.

She was hanging clothes to dry as I walked up behind her. I was going to say something until she turned around and let out a shocked gasp.

"Sorry," I mumbled. Sneaking up on people had become an annoying habit for not only the people at camp but for me too.

"Lord, RJ. Almost gave me a heart attack." Lori breathed with her hand over her heart while still clutching a dry shirt that she was switching out.

"I'm goin' on a hunt. I'll be back later." I pointed towards the woods with my thumb and Lori's brows furrowed.

"With the Dixon's?" I sent her a head nod as confirmation. "A-Are you sure that's a good idea?" She asked as she wiped her eyebrow, and again, only receiving a head nod. "Alright well...be careful, okay?"

With one last nod, I was turning towards the Dixon's with my gun, my knife, and some string. It was all I had, but I could throw a knife pretty good if I wanted to, and you should never underestimate the power of a good snare. Plus, Merle seemed like he just wanted me to tag along rather than actually help.

Once I got close enough, Merle laughed while slapping my back and pushing my shoulder. "It'll be just like old times!"

Third Person POV

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All three of them trekked through the woods, their eyes on the ground while their other senses focused around them. Merle was between RJ and Daryl, but there was a good four feet between them as they all focused on their own things. RJ was making snares while she walked, searching for the perfect place to set them up. Merle kept his eyes out for any tracks, as did Daryl, but since Daryl had his crossbow, he was also looking for anything in the trees or around them.

"How rusty woulda ya say ya are?" RJ was wondering when Merle would decide to open up his mouth. He could never stay quiet for too long, especially if people were around. She simply let out a scoff and gave him a pointed look.

"Just focus on the tracks," Daryl mumbled from where he walked, his eyes focused on the ground.

Merle said something, but for once RJ decided to tune him out so she could focus on making sure the snare would actually work. Her eyes found what she thought to be the perfect place to set up a trap.

In a large tree trunk was a gaping hole that seemed to lead upwards into the tree. Squirrels liked climbing up and down holes like those, so the probability of her catching something was large.

There was a small broken branch on the ground that she gladly picked up earlier that she'd already carved a notch into, as well as giving it a point with her knife. She began tying the string around the notch and made the noose on the other end before squatting down to set it up.

The soldier looked around for another branch. She was so focused on her task that she hadn't noticed how far ahead that the Dixon brothers had walked farther away, not that it mattered much. She'd catch up eventually.

Daryl noticed that there was a body missing from the three, and his head turned to see the strange woman crouched by a tree, setting up a snare. He was annoyed by what seemed to be her inability to keep up, but when Merle noticed the look on his brother's face, he couldn't help the chuckle that escaped.

Merle always thought that RJ and Daryl were pretty similar, and the look Daryl was giving RJ was one that he saw from the easily irritable woman many times. Daryl's eyes met his brother, glaring a bit, confused as to why he was laughing.

"Just give 'er time baby brother. She can set snares better than you can shoot." With that, Merle continued onward, leaving behind a confused Daryl. The crossbow-wielding redneck couldn't understand why his brother seemed to treat RJ as if she were on a pedestal. It almost seemed unfair to him, but he finally decided that he didn't care, and continued forward to look for dinner.

RJ finished setting up the second snare in hopes of one of them catching a squirrel before she began following the Dixon brother's tracks. They weren't that far ahead, she could see Daryl, but she liked following tracks. It gave her something to follow, something to accomplish.

Her eyes almost missed the best meal ticket she could ask for. Her feet silently carried her away from the tracks and towards a small hole in the ground, hidden by leaves.

The soldier's eyes began frantically looking around until they finally landed on a fallen branch. She ran over and broke off a perfectly sized piece before unsheathing her knife and sitting down to prepare the branch for its part in the snare. With her knife, she was able to make the endpoint, and carve a notch around the branch for the string. She quickly finished, tying the string around it and tying a noose before jumping up and setting up the trap as perfectly as she could.

When her eyes looked back up, all she saw were trees. The forest was truly beautiful, especially in Autumn. The leaves were turning and the temperatures were finally starting to drop.

RJ stood up, measuring how much string she had left before following the tracks towards the Dixon's.

Even though the temperatures were starting to drop, it was still hot as balls outside. So to keep her body temperatures leveled, RJ wore high-waisted jean shorts, a black tank top, a dark green flannel that she stole from her brother's closet before they left, her combat boots, and of course her weapons belt.

The breeze could raise a few goosebumps so the flannel served as protection from not only the wind but from the feeling of being exposed. For some reason, RJ always had to have either her arms or her legs covered, it didn't matter in which order, as long as one of them was covered. It helped her feel more secure, even if a piece of cloth hardly did anything to protect her from a nasty geek bite.

The sleeves were rolled up a tad, but it was only because they were extra long on her significantly smaller body compared to her big brothers.

Suddenly, the smell of the flannel finally caught up to her nose with the help of the breeze. She thought it was odd how the smell of her brother's cologne still lingered on the fabric as if he'd just gotten done wearing it a day ago when in reality he hadn't touched the flannel in weeks.

All of the suppressed emotions of her late brother began to surface, and she immediately began to curse herself for wearing the blasted thing. Feelings had always made her uncomfortable when she was around people, and she was incredibly thankful that the Dixon brothers, of all people, were out of sight. Of course out of all the people in camp for her to be near when the grief caught up to her, it had to be the Dixon's.

Her breathing began to become labored the more she tried to suppress her tears. With quick movements, she began climbing up the nearest tree. Trees had always been her safe place, even as a little girl. As the tears began to spill she pushed herself further up the tree, choking back the sobs of pain.

Her heart dropped when her foot slipped, as she wasn't paying attention to where she was placing her feet. Deciding that maybe it wasn't safe for her to be so reckless, she straddled a thick branch, practically hugging the tree as she silently let the tears flow. She knew that she needed this to let go, possibly move on, but no matter how much she needed it, it still made her feel weak.

Memories of Rick slowly began to surface, memories that she'd been avoiding since the news of his passing. For instance, the first time she rode a bike, Rick taught her how because their dad was always working, he didn't have time for his kids. Though one memory, in particular, stood out, and it made her miss her big brother with every fiber in her being.

Twenty years ago

?

RJ and Rick had been running around the neighborhood with their best friend Shane all day. Rick and Shane were both twelve, and RJ was only ten but of course if you asked her she would say she was basically eleven because her birthday was in a few months. It wasn't a rare occurrence that the other neighborhood kids would say something about RJ not only being younger, but having a boy's nickname, and playing "boy games".

The trio never paid them much attention, but for some reason, their words this day had an effect on the impressionable little girl.

They'd been playing hide and seek all day, and they wanted to play football, but they needed more players.

"Why don't we ask Mathew?" Rick suggested as the trio stood in a triangle, trying to figure out how to go about their predicament.

"Yeah! Maybe he could get the others to come out n' play too!" RJ piped up, excited to really get a game going.

"I don't know guys..." Shane had only been thinking of the good of their little group. Last time the boy's cruel words didn't bother RJ, but he wasn't sure if it was just a facade she'd been putting on just for him and Rick. He didn't want his best friend to get hurt, especially not by some snot-faced, rude, little boys.

"C'mon, Shane, it'll be fun!" RJ urged with a grin that reached her eyes. Shane always saw little RJ as a sister, and he could never really say no to her, especially when she seemed so excited.

"...alright." He finally gave in, and the trio was on their way towards Mathew Thomas' door. They walked with a purpose, giddy to get a game going.

"We should set up prizes!" As a little girl, RJ was always so exuberant, and she was always so passionate about winning. So naturally, she'd want prizes involved to get everyone as passionate about the game as she was.

"What would we even use as prizes? Dolls?" Rick was always trying to be a jerk at that age to his baby sister, but mainly because her being mad was so funny. He just didn't like it when she could hit as hard as a boy, but he knew her limits.

"No, nitwit." The little girl glared. "We still got ice cream in the freezer, right?" She was talking about the little ice cream sandwiches they had, and boy was they delicious. Both boys' eyes lit up, the idea of winning an ice cream already hyping them up for the game.

They made it onto the concrete porch but considering Mathew talked to Shane more than the Grimes siblings, Shane was the one to knock on the wooden door hidden behind a squeaky screen door.

The door opened, revealing a beautiful, plump woman with big curls. She had a sweet smile on her face as she greeted the three kids.

"Is Mathew home?" Shane asked with a smile. The woman's smile grew as she nodded her head before turning towards the inside of the house.

"Matty, it's for you!" She yelled towards the stairs.

RJ tried to suppress her giggle, knowing that she couldn't talk much when her nickname resembled the opposite sex too. Rick though, he only tried to suppress his laugh because was right there, and their momma taught the Grimes siblings to be respectful.

The little boy finally came running out and waited for his mom to leave back into the kitchen before turning towards Shane Walsh. His brown eyes moved from the dark-haired boy back towards the dark brown-haired siblings, and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah?" They knew what was coming, he just hoped that it wasn't. He didn't want to be the jerk that said no, especially because it was usually Jason Smith who told the trio that having a girl hang out with them so much was weird.

"We was wonderin' if maybe you and the boys would wanna join us for some football. We have a prize for the winnin' team and everything!" Shane was trying his best to convince Mathew in hopes of him saying yes, especially because RJ was only a few steps behind him.

The boy hesitated. "R-RJ too?"

"Duh." RJ rolled her eyes from beside her big brother. To Mathew, she didn't really look like a girl. Sure she had the face and the hair, but the way she dressed and the way she was in general—it just wasn't what a girl was to him. She had her hair up in a ponytail, and she was wearing overalls with an Atlanta Falcons tee-shirt underneath along with a pair of black converse.

His feet shifted as he thought of a way to nicely say that he didn't want to play with them if RJ was gonna play. To him, girls were fragile, and he wouldn't wanna be responsible for hurting a girl.

"I don't think I can.." The boy said nervously, and RJ's mental lie detector immediately went off.

"Why not?" She pressed, earning a slight shove from her big brother, but she simply returned the favor, and it ended up in a full-on shove fight between the Grimes siblings.

Shane grew annoyed with the bickering siblings before yelling, "Guys!"

They both stopped and turned towards Shane, realizing that they were fighting on somebody else's lawn. They didn't particularly care, but their mom sure did, and they both quickly turned towards their house before letting out a relieved sigh to see that Mrs. Grimes was nowhere to be seen.

"Look I-... I just don't think RJ should play if we're gonna play football." Mathew confessed guiltily.

RJ was confused. She knew that the other boys thought the same, but she thought that Mathew, the sweet boy down the street would be on their side. Was there really something wrong with her? Was she not supposed to be the way she was?

"That's bull and you know it." Shane scoffed as he crossed his arms. "RJ practically is a boy!"

RJ's eyes snapped over to Shane, her eyebrows furrowing in anger. Did he really think of her as a boy? Was she actually that different to where people didn't think of her as a girl?

"No, she's not!" Rick exclaimed angrily, and it wasn't until RJ was storming off back to the house that he realized what he had said.

"No wait that's not what I meant!" Shane tried to run to RJ, to try and explain that what he really meant was that she was the toughest girl he knew. Instead, he was stopped by Rick.

"You know she'll break your nose, right? Just let me talk to her, come back tomorrow, maybe we can play tag or something." The big brother shrugged before running off towards his sister.

Shane angrily turned towards the Mathew home, but little Matty was already inside. No one from their school was a stranger to Shane's anger, and Mathew wanted no part in it.

RJ had rushed to her room, ignoring the calls of her mother. When she slammed the door shut, she got a good look at her room, and it made her feel worse.

Instead of pink, her room was green, instead of princesses and dolls, she had action figures and trophies, instead of posters of animals, she had posters of the Atlanta Falcons, instead of pictures of a celebrity crush, she had pictures of her favorite Flacon—John Rade. She had a boy's room.

She sat on her bed, bringing her knees up to her chest as she began to cry into her knees. She hated crying. Always had. Though for some reason, the anger, the betrayal, and the sadness all ganged up on her at once.

She didn't want to change. She didn't want to be hurt by those stupid words. They were just words, weren't they? Though somehow, those words were stronger than sticks and stones, especially when they came from her best friend.

There was knocking on her door and she immediately picked her head up to yell a quick, "Go away!"

Rick paused. He hadn't heard his little sister cry since she broke her arm when she was seven, but even then it wasn't really crying, it was more of yelling and a few painful tears.

He knew he couldn't just leave her, even if he didn't understand how Shane's dumb words could affect her so badly. Had she been lying this whole time? We're the boys' words actually bugging her?

He opened the door before shutting it, not wanting their mom to hear her little girl crying. Knowing that woman, she'd raise hell, and Rick knew that was the last thing that RJ would want.

"RJ?" The boy hesitantly asked as he slowly walked towards his little sister.

She didn't want him to see her crying, so instead, she shoved her face further into herself, but she had to know. She had to know if Shane's words were true. She had to know if everything those stupid schoolboys ever said about her were true.

"Is it true?" She asked shakily, doing her best to stop the tears. "Am I practically a boy?"

Rick felt bad, and he immediately sat beside his sister. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew exactly what he needed to say for his sister to feel better, he knew the advice that she needed.

"No, you're just...different." He explained as he hugged her into his side. It was then that he too took a look around her room. He wasn't in it often, mainly because the both of them were usually outside causing havoc with Shane.

"I don't wanna be different." She huffed, her grip tightening around her knees.

"Of course you do." Rick didn't know what he'd do if his sister was some prissy girly girl. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to survive. "If you weren't different, then you'd be just the same as Jessica Winters, or—or Amanda Miller, and you hate them."

RJ had to admit, he had a point. She picked her head up, mainly because she wasn't crying anymore, just sniffling. Rick's heart broke at the sight of her tear-stricken cheeks and her wet eyelashes. They weren't supposed to e like that. Her being sad...it was wrong to him. He didn't like her being sad.

"Is dad really always working because of me? Because I'm not normal?" The words that Jason Smith threw were always cruel, and normally DJ was good at brushing them off, but when he spoke of her dad it triggered something in her that she didn't like. Rick immediately jumped to his feet, causing the girl to look at him, confused.

"Normal?" He scoffed. "Normal is boring. You wanna know who else is normal? Jason Smith. Being normal means being a jerk. Plus, if you were normal, you wouldn't be mine or Shane's best friend. And you wanna know what else?" RJ stared up at him, waiting for him to continue. "I like the way you are, and so does Shane, and mom, and dad! We're all that matter, not some strangers. We're family, not them. Don't listen to what those douchebags say. Dad loves you, he loves us, that's why he's always working."

A smile grew on RJ's face as she looked at her big brother before jumping up and hugging him as tightly as she could. He was right, he was completely right, and there was hardly ever a time that he wasn't. Which was another reason they got along so well because they were both almost always right.

"I love you, Rick." She mumbled, thanking God for giving her such a good brother, no matter how much he gets on her nerves.

"I love you too, Riles. Never forget it."

Present Time

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RJ had been sitting up in the tree reminiscing for so long that she lost track of time, and she forgot what she'd been doing before.

Her eyes continued to leak tears of remorse as she struggled to breathe. She felt as though she'd lost her other half, and only now was she allowing herself to grieve. The trio had been knocked down to a duo, and she was only just realizing how much it really hurt her.

Her entire body trembled as the sobs racked through her body. They weren't loud, but they were loud enough for the two rednecks searching for a certain short soldier to hear.

"RJ?" Merle called out from below, but she was so engrossed in the feeling of missing her best friend that she didn't even hear his calls.

The Dixon's had been out hunting for an hour before they realized that RJ had been gone for a long while, longer than an acceptable amount of time, especially in the zombie apocalypse. They decided to trace back to the last place they saw her and followed her tracks which were following theirs for a good bit until they saw where she must've stumbled back a bit. They would've worried had her tracks not been the only other tracks other than their own.

They were baffled. They could hear some soft sobs, and they followed her tracks up until they seemed to completely vanish. Her tracks were hard to track as it was, but when they got towards the end her steps seemed to get sloppy, heavy, and that's what worried Merle the most. It was completely unlike the silent soldier he knew.

Suddenly, the memory of when RJ had found the brothers popped into Daryl's mind. She had been hiding in a tree, and where had her tracks stopped? Beneath a tree.

Needless to say, he felt like an idiot.

His head snapped upwards to see RJ's feet dangling from either side of a branch. Even from down below, he could see how hard her body was trembling, and he knew that if she tried to climb down now, there was a high chance that she would fall. From that height, she wouldn't die, but she would definitely break a bone, and considering the lack of medical...anything, a broken bone was something nobody could afford.

He slapped Merle's shoulder, catching the attention of the older Dixon before pointing upwards.

"Son of a bitch." Merle mumbled, seeing the same predicament that Daryl saw.

"The hell she up there cryin' for anyway?" He was annoyed at the fact that she decided to take a pity party break for herself in the middle of a hunt, but he also had no idea of the situation.

"Just lost 'er brother," Merle explained before cupping his hands around his mouth and yelling the one name he knew would get her out of whatever sad trance she was in. "Riley Jaden!"

He was correct. When RJ heard her first and middle name being used, her head immediately snapped up. There were very few people in the world who knew both, let alone one, and her eyes snapped downward to see two rednecks staring up at her.

The shame immediately filled her body, realizing that they probably heard her cries. Any feelings she previously felt were wiped away with the feeling of shame. She began wiping her eyes frantically, drying up her neck and cheeks as she did so.

As soon as she composed herself, she began making her descent down the tree. She really didn't want to, but she couldn't keep them waiting.

The closer she got to the ground the more she began to dread even facing the rednecks, so she didn't. She walked right past them and made her way towards her snares to check them.

"Catch anything?"