To awake when dawn is breaking,
Just because joy stops me sleeping,
And to look out through the port-hole
Where the green waves beat outside,
Or on deck with the rain falling
To sit wrapped with furs around me,
Listen to the engine throbbing,
And to have thoughts at all
- Akhmatova.
The next few weeks rushed by quite a hurry. I helped Anne pack and look for gifts for the children, and for Susan, I wrote a long letter to Father, but I suspected I might arrive in St. Petersburg before the letter, I did post it still, if only to be polite.
I packed clothes, my various silks, and cotton, nightgowns, hair-ribbons, books, sheetmusic, dictionaries and other nessicities, like notebooks, pens, and ink,
and pefume. Luckily, I was used to packing fast, and living in trunks and boxes.
Then on a clear July morning I was standing again at Gare du Nord, but without flowers this time, and with a chosen family all around me, surrounding me with their presence.
I embraced Anne, she and Gilbert were heading back to Canada, to Prince Edward Island, to Ingelside, seaside village, Glen . Nathalie and Renee were by my side, they had just given packages to Anne, which apparently had gifts for the children, books, candies and so on. Katherine was there too, she did stand beside Renee, a little apart from her, but still in our circle and nodded to Anne, her amber eyes were flashing as sun hit them.
The train left the station, in a cloud of smoke, and we set off to have breakfast in Les Deux Magot, as I wanted to experience the atmosphere of the place before my own soon-to-be departure. I felt that for once everything was in harmony in my life, with no shadowy and lonely corners. The late breakfast at Les Deux Magot was just as tasty as I had been promised and the restaurant setting was simply stunning. Nathalie, Renee and Katherine smiled at each other and said they would surprise me when we get back to 20 Rue Jacob. We wandered around Paris peacefully. I had a goal to get around to all my favorite places, and there were a lot of them. Katherine was lost to me somewhere, around Passy, as were Renee, too.
Nathalie and I were walking in the shady Bois de Bolonge park, hand in hand. I looked at Nathalies face, shady and sweet, adorned with a wide light hat, and I told her."You know, I feel like I wasn't really even alive before we met at La Scala. I had only somehow survived in the past, lived a shadowy half-life. Hopefully I will illuminate different opera stages, if I succeed in my craft. At least I have a lot of emotion and experiences to draw into different roles." Nathalie looked at me, seriously, heartily, and said, " Cherie, thou are one of the greatest wonders and joys of my life, thou will also illuminate the lives of many others, on later years, I am sure of that."
In the evening as swallows were circling in the sky, Nathalie asked me to the parlor. I stopped stunned, in the gleaming honeyshaded floor in the middle of all the mirrors there was small orchestra. Nathalie smiled at me and said, "well we thought thou could once perform properly, without just a piano. Colette and Missy are coming here, as is Katherine, she wants to sing a duet with you, Renee is coming too. So go consider now what thou want to perform, and borrow some of my dresses if thous are already packed or in thee home".
The hours felt accelerated and I soon stood in front of the orchestra in a dress designed by Eva, pansies in my crown of braids. Next to me was Katherine, she was not in red, but dark plum-colored silk, rosemary branches in her dark hair.
We smiled at each other and nodded to the orchestra, which began a dreamlike, lingering melody that resonated in the souls of the listeners. The duet was Sous le dôme épais from Lakmé by Delibes. When that final high glimmering note had vanished, everyone wiped their eyes, including the players in the orchestra. Everyone smiled at us, most trembling lips and we all went out on the patio to drink champagne, and to mingle.
Inside the orchestra played Offenbach.
A little bit later, after dessert, I stood once again in front of the orchestra and I breathed deeply, and calmly, the adrenal of the previous successful performance was still bubbling in my veins as I looked up at the audience, looked at Nathalie, and Renee. I smiled brightly at them and started singing. I had chosen to sing " Dobo l´oscuro nembo"from Bellini Aldeson e Salvini. The sweeping melting tones, of Bellini, evolved around the room, as my voice climbed, my darker lower register at full force, tone creamier than ever before. Everyone stood silent, and then, one, by one, and began to clap and cheer. I smiled gratefully at them, Bellini's sharply beautiful melody, still in my subconscious. The members of the orchestra had left hours ago, and we were among ourselves.
Suddenly Renee got up from the divan, she smiled broadly, at me, and declared: " Because once here we are performing, now is my turn". She shook her hands, her delicate fingers outstretched, toward the ceiling, and the light from the candles reflected from her blonde hair. Dressed in black with a cut-out suit, a flower at the buttonhole, Renee made a very dramatic impression. She closed her eyes, her long lashes wiping her cheeks, and began to quote, in a calm, low, charming voice that forced everyone into silence.
" L'ombre jetait vers toi des effluves d'angoisse :
Le silence devint amoureux et troublant.
J'entendis un soupir de pétales qu'on froisse,
Puis, lys entre les lys, m'apparut ton corps blanc".
After Renee's performance ended one by one, we got up and gathered around her in a loose circle. Nathalie said her voice a little hoarse "Cherie, you really should perform more often, I had forgotten how powerful your poetry really is." Colette exclaimed, her voice inspired,"we should cooperate, and do some project of writing together, your poetry and my prose combined."Katherine said nothing, I saw that her eyes were touched with tears. I for my part smiled tremously to Renee and remarked:
"This poetry and performance, it surpasses the letters you have given for me for my trip, although they will be useful, but I think I will remember this evening for a long time to come."
Early one morning I was walking the streets of Paris for the last time. Katherine stood beside me, strong, slender, and calm, the swirling morning mist.
The silhouette of Paris disappeared.
On the streamer towards Canada Gilbert leaned back in his bench and said questioningly: "Anne-girl, you've been very quiet for the past week or so, tired of traveling already, I gather? At least I already miss the children and the peace of Glen, work, and the local news and rumors after this sojourn around Europe." Anne looked at the window into the rolling deep blue sea, that glittered in wawes, fast, and swirling, and sighed deeply and said: " Dearest, you are right, but during this visit to Paris I have found that I met people I would not have thought existed, and I have gotten to know Katherine a bit better too. Now finally all the walls around her and me have been torn down. It feels like I have gotten a glimpse of a small piece of paradise that is closed, for me, or at least partially so. Admittedly, I still remember when we arrived in Glen St Mary and saw Leslie driving geese, along the shore road in that first gleaming twilight, that sight was and still is unforgettable, even though years have passed, and Leslie is the dear heart friend of mine, but every time I see her, something in me, sparkles, some almost, hidden.. Life is so beautiful and diverse, like a rainbow in its all various shades, isn't it, Gilbert? Please promise to me that we will always support our children, no matter what they choose to do with their lives? And don't be so steep to Walter, he's so sensitive and experiences the world so strongly, in different shades. Let me talk to him first, if he does something you think is wrong"?
Gilbert did agree laughing and wondered what those recollections of their arrival in Glen in that sunset, really had to do with Paris, as Leslie had never gotten out of Canada before Owen and why Anne was so worried about Walter the boy was indeed a little too dreamy, but would be back to school in the fall and it did perk him up, and raise the red on his pale cheeks again. Perhaps the children of the new priest, Reverend Meredith would be new companions and, kindred spirits for all of them? " This past trip has been unforgettable on several levels, so it's great to hear that you've enjoyed our visit in Poitou and to Paris Anne-girl. Personally, for me, Katherine always felt somehow cool, and distant, even though she always has objective arguments for various conversations and she really can argue, but I guess as a world traveler she learns to enjoy all kinds of company as well."
Almost too soon, the Blythes were travelling again, by train first to Kinsport, to visit the Blakes, and then to Glen, where homely peace awaited, the children's laughter was ringing from the Rainbow valley. Miss Cornelia was full of Glen's fresh news and gossip, and she barely waited them to be at home again, before arriving to Ingelside, eager to share all the news.
The new priest, Reverend Meredith could preach incredibly well, and he was very handsome, slender dark and romantic with dark dreamy eyes, and slender hands, but the priest's housekeeping was a complete disaster, Anne-dearie, and all four children are wild, and not at all what one would expect from a priest's family. A rooster walked in the priest's yard! A rooster! Apparently it is the girl's pet, and he is called Adam, a good biblical name, but still, why not a kitten instead at least they generally will remain inside and not create fun and laughter for among the methodists!
I have to tell you a little about the children, as there are four of them. The eldest is Gerald, he's called Jerry, then there's Faith, the girl is beautiful but so wild and laughing, and she owns that rooster, but really, the priest's eldest daughter is not fit to be seen to have fun, next is another daughter Una, she's dark haired, small and looks sweet, she has really beautiful dark blue eyes and a skin that is like cream. Finally, there is another boy, Thomas Carlyle, called Carl, who has a strange passion for collecting all kinds of bugs and exploring nature! Unbelievable, another family like this has never been seen in Glen before! And the Reverend reads the books at all hours of the day. He even arrived at Crawford's wedding, this past week, ready to bury the bridal couple, instead of blessing the marriage! What you have given young Walter Anne, he walks around the village and mutters something about snowy trees and sled rides as well as making of jam. The boy shouldn't be interested in cooking! "Oh it's just a book, a gift from little Elizabeth Grayson that we met in Paris" replied Anne. "A book, said Miss Cornelia, well Anne-dear there are far too many books in the world, apart from Owen Fords works of course, she pointed out, emphatically after finishing yet another baptismal dress. Do you know how is dear Leslie and the children in the wilds of Japan?"
"Leslie is fine, I got a few letters from her. Apparently they are already on their way back to Toronto", Anne replied quietly with a light flush of red on her delicate features..
A/N:As ever, my deepest thanks, to all of you. Best wishes to all for the last days of old year! The poeme of Renee Vivien is Nudite,(Nakedness) from collection called, Études et Préludes, from Viviens first collection, that was published in around 1901 from Lamarre. There maybe are some translations to be found online, if there is an interest.