Kelsey rushed in frantically to Counselor Troi's office. The young woman was frantic and anxious. Finally, the beautiful counselor looked up to see the hysterical woman. "Are you okay, Ms. Kelsey?"
"So sorry I'm late. My mother has no sense of time. She's never understood that you suppose to be appointments fifteen minutes early. However, my mother never had any sense of time.
It's aggravating that my family claims I've no sense of time. My mother leaves everything literally to the last minute. It doesn't take anything into account when trying to get to an appointment.
Like traffic or any other hinders, she also claims her damn cigarette is far more critical than getting me to my appointments on time. Like she could've gone a few hours without them. It wouldn't have killed her to go a few hours without smoking one. Yet, you can't get her to do anything on time."
"It must be incredibly frustrating for you and your mother. You're one to get this done right away and not to put them off. While your mother is the exact opposite."
"Tell me about it. I've only been dealing with this my entire life. Again, I'm told to accept it. However, its still my appointment! So she should listen and be a bit flexible when it comes to other people.
She wants to be late for her own appointments or paperwork. Then let her, because those are her problems. But when its someone else's? You need to do it on their schedule."
"You left me a message that something happened last week. Something that caused you to have several bad days with crippling fear."
"Someone I was friends with suddenly dropped me like a hot potato. There wasn't any warning or indication. I've no idea why this person abandoned me. We got along fine and didn't fight. So, I'm not going to find any closure."
"How else is this affecting you? Your message stated you had a panic/anxiety attack. That you've been crippled with fear of abandonment?"
"I've always carried this fear that I'll lose people. I've only been used, abused, bullied, and almost a pariah throughout my life! Growing up, no children wanted to be my friend. I'm avoided like I've got the plague as an adult. I'm not a "normal" adult. Nevertheless, even if people promised they wouldn't leave me?
I cannot believe or accept that as accurate. Therefore, I refuse anymore to attempt to be optimistic. Given my life experience?" she paused for a moment to take a deep breath.
"Throughout my life? I've only experienced people who break their promises without a second thought. Ignore me, and don't even attempt to contact me first or make time to get back to me.
Any time I've given anyone my trust? Only broken promises, heartbreak, ignored and severally disrespected. I don't feel anyone sees me as a human. I only feel invalidated. People give me generic advice. Simply slogans and again just generic.
People aren't genuinely listening or thinking about what they're saying. Again generic advice and pacifying, not actively listening or attempting to understand. I'm not some nameless person. I'm an individual who has my own feelings and problems. But don't give overused advice.
It's frankly insulting that you think used advice is the answer to everything. It's not. Don't tell someone that others have it worse or use 'coping skills' Please don't say walk away or take deep breaths—boundaries or again things that have been said a million times.
Listen to the person. Think over what they're saying—not having a pacifying statement already to say. But THINK about what their problem is. See it from their point of view. Consider all options but don't invalidate them by giving a generalized statement."
"I can see why you've felt less then human in all relationships. Or grossly mistreated and your feelings not taken seriously. I'm sure others would say your expectations are too high. However, I do agree people have to actively listen and learn to think and speak their own words. Not the commonplace words of others. One's words and actions or lack of them truly have long term consequence."
"I want to be seen as an adult and individual. I want my feelings to be taken seriously. I want to stop being an unperson to others. I want to be genuinely seen as a person and an actual person.
I've not felt like that in my life. I've never thought I could genuinely trust anyone. I've not got my hopes anymore because it always led to disappointment. Maybe that makes me pessimistic to some. However, I'm simply going by my life experience. So for me? It's being realistic rather then falsely optimistic."
"I know there truly no words I can say or anything I can do to make you feel better. I don't know how to make you feel validated or what you'd feel would make up for the mistreatment you've suffered."
"I'm honestly not sure either. However, I feel a good starting point would be actively listening, actually talking, and being self-aware enough to realize there are problems, and both of you need to work on them together to resolve them."
"Well, I wish we were able to discuss this more. However, our hour is up. I hope next week we can talk more. I won't promise you that you'll feel better, nor will I give you generalized statements or solutions. I'll only say I'll do my best to listen actively and hopefully work with you towards feeling better."
"Thank you, Ms. Deanna."
The capacity to forgive.
"We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.
There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies." Martin Luther King JR.