Reckless Moments

Chapter 11 – Building bridges and new starts

With Christmas and the New Year over and everyone back off leave and in barracks Charles was called into a meeting.

Troubles had been escalating in Kosovo, the UN had been trying to talk with the Serbs who were constantly reneging on earlier promises. NATO were now going to start sending in troops to neighbouring Macedonia, the UK would send a contingent of 4000 soldiers and medics ready to cross into Kosovo but the priority was an emerging refugee crisis as people were amassing at the border. The brief to erect tents, distribute food and provide medical assistance. They would be leaving in February and aid agencies were already on their way.

Charles made his way back to his office after the meeting, sat down putting his elbows on his desk and wiped his hands over his face. He was due to meet Molly in London this weekend, they had booked a hotel room. He knew this deployment was coming he just hoped that it wouldn't be so soon. After Jack had been shot, and that one conversation with Molly outside the hospital she had spent the next few months only meeting him for dinner if he surprised her and she couldn't come up with an excuse. Those manoeuvres he had been sent on hadn't helped, it kept him away and they hadn't been able to talk. When they had met the conversation was stilted and Molly was reluctant to talk. It wasn't that she was actively avoiding him but with their schedules they hadn't been able to see that much of each other and he knew that she had been struggling with her conscience and her loyalty to her family and Jack.

Boxing Day had been the turning point, where all the families were together at Uncle Fred's. He saw the contemptuous look she gave Andrew, saw her eyes harden her mouth turning down and a look of rage pass across her face before she had time to mask it. He had to give his brother credit for showing up that day, he must of known that the Dawes family were all due to be there and they wouldn't be welcoming. But he stuck it out, even went over to talk with Jack. The look of surprise on Molly's face as she took in her brother's wave and smile, watching the interaction closely. He had watched as Jack went and joined her Gary and Jackie. He couldn't hear what they were saying he was standing with his parents talking with Josie, or rather they were talking, he had stopped listening ages ago, as he watched Molly and Jack argue, every now and again Gary and Jackie speaking. Her head had gone down and her hair had fallen over her face and he couldn't see her expression or if she was talking or just listening. Her shoulders came up round her ears and Jackie put her arm around her and he saw her nod.

It must have been over an hour later that he felt someone tapping him on the back and he swung round to see Molly standing there a tentative smile on her face "Seems I've been a bit of a prannet"

"Have you" grinned Charles "What is a prannet" she shrugged her shoulders, her smile getting wider and he could see that sparkle in her eyes "Dunno, I'll have to ask me Nan". He nodded his own smile broadening to the point he felt like laughing with happiness. "So can we talk" he asked tensing and hoping that she would say yes "We could go out tomorrow, see the sights, have lunch" he suggested

"You wanna take me sight-seeing" and her laughter was music to his ears, he had missed that "I've lived in London all me life Charlie"

"True" he laughed back "Might not have been one of my better suggestions"

But that's what they did, they wandered round Covent Garden, Borough Market, had lunch took one of the tourist boats up the river. They didn't stop talking and laughing the whole time. She explained why she had been blanking him, but he had worked out the reasons why for himself. There were lots of opportunities for him to see his brother and if she felt uncomfortable in Andrew's company, he could meet him for a drink without her. She didn't tell him everything that Jack and Gary had said on Boxing Day but grinned when she told him that they thought she was a prannet for giving him up, Jack had said if he could live with seeing Andrew from time to time then so should she. Maybe she had over reacted a bit, laughed and slapped him on the arm when he raised an eyebrow at her. The most important thing was that they always talked, never kept secrets and told the other how they felt.

Charles had been staying in a hotel while they were in London, leaving his parents to stay with Fred and Josie, they went back there, talked of their future. He cupped her face in his hands bending to kiss her, that first tentative kiss and he felt that familiar surge of feeling as he took in the feel of her, the smell of her hair. Her hands wrapped themselves round his neck as she inhaled his familiar aftershave feeling the soft fine hairs at the back of his neck. Whatever it was that had drawn them together like magnets in the beginning was still there, still burning, nothing had changed. Their feelings for each other not diminishing over the years and with separations but getting stronger.

-OG-

Charles was sat staring at the paperwork on his desk not seeing it while thinking of this forthcoming tour. Barely weeks since they had been together again, they had talked a lot since that sight seeing trip, made promises to each other and it all felt right again, even their families knew they were together and their relationship was all out in the open. It felt right, it felt perfect and now he was going to have to leave again and not sure how long for, but he couldn't see them being back before the end of June maybe even later. She would be 21 this year and he didn't want to miss it, but there was every possibility he would. When he went to see her he was rather hoping to have a conversation about moving in together, it had been something he had been thinking about for a while, even before Jack's shooting but how could he do that now. He sighed thinking it would have to wait until he got back.

He drove into London and his hotel, there was something she wanted to show him which is why he was meeting her in London rather than her come to Aldershot. She was waving frantically at him as soon as she saw him enter the hotel reception. She had already checked them in, grabbing him by the arm to drag him up to their room. "You've missed me then" he smiled down at her kissing her on the forehead, shrugging in return the corner of her mouth twitched up, her eyes sparkling with humour "Only a bit". Charles kicked the bedroom door shut and dropped his holdall on the floor pulling her into him to kiss her, her arms instantly winding themselves around him as she returned the kiss "You sure about that"

-OG-

He was just starting to dose off, relaxed after a long week and now lying here next to Molly. "What's the time" she asked frantically starting to sit up and grab his wrist to look at his watch "Come on Charlie, we gotta meet Jack, I wanna show you something"

"Can't it wait?" he sighed pulling her back down "No it can't, come on we gotta get going" and she swung her legs out of bed picking up her clothes and padding into the bathroom, leaving him with a rear view of her slim shapely body, he shook his head huffing, he really would have preferred to stay where he was but he followed her to the bathroom.

Thirty minutes later they were in her car driving towards the east end. He didn't know why they were coming here, it looked like a building site, but then they swung through some gates to blocks of apartments all facing the river. Looked like more were going up behind but the ones on the river were complete.

They walked into the lobby and the concierge looked up from his screens "Morning Miss Dawes" he smiled at her "Your brother has already gone up" Molly led Charles to the lift and pressed the button for the seventh floor, walked down the corridor and knocked on one of the doors. It was swiftly opened by Jack "Bout bloody time" smiled Jack "Hello Charlie" he looked down at his watch "Estate Agent should be here in about 10 minutes"

"Estate Agent" queried Charles a frown forming on his face, what the hell were they up to. Molly linked her arm through his nodding, the excitement on her face infectious and he tried to smile but really wasn't sure what was going on here and why they had come.

"Yeah! about time we left home, get our own places" started Jack. Charles could understand that, he left home when he started Uni and then never really gone back because of Sandhurst and his postings, just stayed there from time to time when visiting his parents. Jack and he were the same age, so he probably did want to leave home have a bit of personal space after all he was 27.

"Come on Charlie, let me show you the wrap around balcony" Molly still with her arm looped to his dragged him out the huge bi-folding doors onto the balcony and if he was being honest, they really were stunning views across the river and the London skyline. In comparison to his tiny flat in Aldershot this was huge and very modern. The wrap around balcony went round to the master bedroom with an en-suite, two further bedrooms although the third you would be hard pushed to fit a bed in it.

"It's a lovely flat Jack, bet you can't wait to move in" grinned Charles waggling his eyebrows

"It ain't mine Charlie" and it dawned on him Molly hadn't said who was buying this one. Jack was buying one, but two floors up. He saw Charles face cloud over his eyes darkening "Look I'll go meet the estate agent, take him up to the ninth, give you a chance for a bit of a chat" he stuttered wanting to make a quick getaway. Charlie didn't look best pleased, and he had a bad feeling Molly's bubble was about to get a puncture.

Once the door had closed, Charles shook himself free of Molly's hold on his arm his annoyance mounting "Are you going to tell me what all this is about"

"It was a surprise, I wanted to see what you thought" still not realising he was annoyed "We never have anywhere to go other than a hotel or your flat in Aldershot, so I thought about buying this" looking into his eyes and seeing anger, which was not what she was expecting "it would be much nicer, a proper place where we could be on our own"

"I just thought that if we were going to set up home together we would discuss it, that I would have a say in where we lived and where the fuck would someone your age get this kind of money to buy a place like this" completely ignoring the fact he had been mulling over similar thoughts himself for months, that they should start thinking of setting up home together.

Molly's eyes turned ice cold and with a thunderous expression "Don't be a complete Dick Charlie" she spat "Drugs, prostitution or have you just robbed a bloody bank" he shouted back at her tone, him a dick she was the one that sprang this on him "Nah, scrap metal and a couple of nightclubs" her hands coming up to his chest to push him with enough force he took two steps backwards, her own anger mounting "I fucking earned it"

Charles took a deep breath and closed his eyes, this was getting out of hand, they were both angry and he needed to calm it down before either of them said something they really would regret, this had escalated so quickly.

He put his hands up in surrender, sighing deeply and thinking what he wanted to say rather than just shout at her and letting his anger get the better of him "I have always hoped that we were moving in the right direction, that we would live together, get married one day" his eyes boring into hers as he frowned, still seeing anger in hers mixed with frustration "but I just thought that when we set up home for the first time we would decide together where we were going to live and if we were going to buy a place we would do it together"

The anger she was feeling started to slip away but that didn't mean he was off the hook completely for his accusations.

"These flats Charlie are a good investment, once the rest are finished along with the Millennium Dome and the Xcel Centre the prices will start to rocket, we would be getting in early before they all go, it's an opportunity that might not come again, I didn't think this would be our forever home" she grinned "even if I do really like it" she pulled out some papers from her handbag "these are the details, think about it and if you don't want to come in with me that's fine, but you can't deny that this would be a nice place for us to meet up, to make into a proper home when you're on leave"

He scanned through the details, the underground car park, the concierge service, the gym and swimming pool, looking at the cost of the flat and the monthly service charges, his eyes widening in shock "Bloody hell London's expensive"

"So are hotel costs so think of the money we will save" she grinned "this place will double in value over the next few years" grinning at him and he couldn't help but snort a laugh as he moved closer to her, his hand coming up to tuck a wisp of hair behind her ear. "Dad knows the developer" she winked "Jack and I have first dibs, we'll never get an opportunity for a deal like this again, at this price or location"

"I just wanted…." He trailed off

"Did you think I would move out near the barracks" she sighed and he shrugged, yes he supposed that is exactly what he thought they would do, he would get rid of that soul destroying little rental flat and they would get a house with a garden, maybe in one of the villages near Aldershot "Do you think the other officer wives will like me, that I will fit in and they will invite me round for a cuppa" her eyes boring into his as she asked the question.

He pulled her into a hug his long arms wrapping around her and holding her close, his chin resting on her head "Of course they will Molly"

"Mmmm, I ain't so sure Charlie" she inhaled his aftershave the familiar smell of his fabric conditioner on his jumper holding him as tightly as she could her cheek pressed against his chest "and what will I do all on me own when you get deployed for months on end out in the sticks and not knowing anyone" she whispered "London's me home"

He closed his eyes, he still had to tell her he was going away again. Why was nothing simple with their relationship?

-OG-

They stayed a while at the flat, looked around the shared facilities and he had to admit the gym was pretty spectacular with all the latest gear. The pool was a good size and heated along with a couple of Jacuzzi's. He had calmed down a lot from when Molly had first taken him there, he thought she, well he didn't really know what she thought half the time, she was always surprising him with how her mind worked at times. It just felt like she wasn't including him in her decisions, that maybe she still didn't think of them as a couple and they weren't moving forward in their relationship, he had certainly felt emasculated, using her money and she didn't need or want help from him. Now that she had explained that her and Jack were getting first refusal on a couple of the flats, to either live in or rent out, even he could work out that it was a really good deal. Jack was going to be living two floors up, she was just desperate to show him this one, see what he thought about this second opportunity for them and he had just jumped to hasty conclusions. With the money they both had, they would still have a sizeable mortgage, then the service charges on top, but it was certainly within their reach. Hopefully it wouldn't be too much longer and he would get that promotion to Captain and that would be more money.

They had been having dinner when he had told her he was going on tour. Molly didn't say much when Charles told her he was off to Macedonia, just looked at him with sad eyes. Her hand reaching across the table to hold his as she beamed at him, she said it could all be signed and sorted by the time he was back and she would wait for him so they could pick furniture together, make it a home if that's what he wanted. The thought of traipsing round shops looking for cushions and curtains filled him with dread, he had never really cared about that sort of thing. Of course it's what he wanted but a comfy bed and sofa was all he would need, he grinned. She looked over the top of her wine glass and he could see the smirk and the sultry expression before pleading with him to come with her and look before he went away and then it would all be ready for when he came home, their own place. He had always loved the end of a tour and coming home but this one he was already longing to come to an end and he hadn't even got there yet.

-OG-

He had been driving to Bath after their weekend together thinking of the apartment, their planned shopping trip, the excitement on Molly's face. He was also thinking of his career in the army, it wouldn't be too bad to get to Aldershot, couple of hours maybe, but what if he was sent further afield, back to Catterick. How would Molly feel about that? Perhaps they could rent that place in London, it would pay for any rent and more if they went up to Yorkshire. She wasn't wrong he grinned, it was a good investment.

Only his mum was at home when he got there, his Dad and Andrew were due back that evening so they could all sit down for a family dinner. He was sat on the sofa a cup of coffee beside him as his head flopped back still thinking, his tour and how long he would be away, where would he be sent next and of course Molly. The single most important thing in his life, who seemed to be embedded into London life and he wasn't sure how that would work with him likely to be sent almost anywhere in the country.

His Mum came in and sat next to him, studying his face and the worry lines that were starting to appear. "What's the matter Charles, no matter what it is you can tell me" turning his head to look into her worried face as she patted his hand, he did. Told her how much he loved Molly, told her how he felt when he thought she was buying a place without him, how she felt she wouldn't fit in with other officer's wives. It worried him if he got sent further afield, how they would see each other would Molly come with him, would she feel lonely. She listened to it all, patted his hand, ran her hand through his curls, nodded occasionally as he spoke, her eyes misting over every now and again at his eloquence when he spoke of Molly and his feelings for her. Finally he seemed to finish, come to the end of speaking and they sat in silence for a few minutes while she thought about what to say. She was overjoyed that her son had found the love of his life, his soul mate, it's what any mother would want for their kids, to know they will be happy. But he didn't really understand the life that Molly would have had, the life that she and Fred had led. The difficulties ahead of them.

Beth walked to the drinks cabinet thinking she would need one, she was going to tell her son about a life he knew nothing about. That she had never really talked about, only odd snippets of her families past. She poured herself a large Gin and Tonic and went back to sit with him. She looked into his worried dark brown eyes that reminded her so much of Williams.

Sighing she started her story, in some ways the London of today is not so different from the London of yesterday, the London she grew up in. She was twelve years old when her and Fred's dad walked out on them, went off with some trollop and they never saw him again. Don't think the welfare state was as good in the fifties as it is today because it wasn't, it had not long been set up. Their mum had to take in washing and sewing just to make ends meet. Her Mum and Dave's parents lived in the same street and helped out if they could. Fred had got into nicking things so they had a few extra's. Dave's dad had taken him in hand when he had got caught nicking apples to bring home, paid the shop keeper and then said he would get him a couple of hours down at the gym, you know picking up towels sweeping floors after a boxing match, that sort of thing. Dave and Fred were already friends from school so it was just them together in the evening earning a few coppers.

During the fifties and sixties, there was a lot of poverty, the gangs had already started up. She was sure she didn't need to tell him that, he must have seen the films, heard the history. London was still far from what it is today, piles of rubble still waiting to be cleared for the rebuild, the so called prefabs which were only ever meant to be temporary still being lived in well into the sixties, that's where Belinda, her sister and mum lived. When Dave and Fred were about fourteen, Tony Wilkins came into the gym looking for talent and he found it in Dave. Reckoned he might have been a British Sugar Ray Robinson and grinned at Charles expression, he hadn't got a clue who he was, but he had never shown an interest in boxing.

Charles couldn't stop looking at the changing expressions on his mother's face as she remembered, he had never really heard her talk of the past like this. He knew she was very close to his Uncle Fred but this was all new to him. He was enthralled just listening to her soft voice as her east end accent came back as she reminisced over the past. He hadn't realised just how tough her start had been, she had never really talked of it, other than when she was chatting with Belinda and they were laughing at the lighter moments of the past.

Beth carried on with her story, her eyes glazing as she remembered some of the past. Tony Wilkins had offered them both a job on collections. She explained exactly what collections were, that it was protection, if you didn't want your pub or club smashed to pieces you paid up. She wouldn't want to even guess at how many pubs and clubs were handing over money each week all over London. Dave's Dad was furious that he looked like he was sacrificing a perfectly good career in professional boxing to become a gangster and that they would forever be in Tony Wilkins pocket if they carried on like they were. To this day Henry Dawes has never spoken with his son, never seen his grandchildren, cut him off completely and has had nothing to do with the family or Fred ever since, to be honest she wasn't even sure if he was still alive, Dave's mother had died years before.

Charles remembered Molly talking of Belinda's father, how he was killed while Belinda and her sister were still young, some sort of accident in the docks, but she had never mentioned her other grandad, Dave's father and now he knew why.

Beth went back to the drinks cabinet and refilled her glass, remembering some of the past was a lot more difficult than she thought. There were a lot of good memories in there, but somehow she was just remembering the hurt and heartbreak. She remembered how Dave felt when his Dad cut him off, how he didn't even know his mum was ill, never got to say goodbye because his father was so stubborn, he was 17 years old. She sat back down and continued her story, Charles getting an insight into his mother he had never had before. Drawing in a deep breath she carried on. Dave and Fred also knew Sam from the boxing ring, he lived round the corner in a street near to them and at the same school. All of them had been under Tony's protection and Dave winning or losing boxing matches for money.

That's how she met his Dad she told him and Charles eyes opened wide, he hadn't even realised his father was into boxing. He knew she had met him at Talk of the Town but she had never mentioned why she was there. It was a big boxing charity event, she told him, Dave had won his last match, it was a big deal, it was 1967 and Dave was 20 years old. Her eyes lit up as she told him some of the people who were there. Household names some of them. She told him how she felt when his father asked her to dance, she looked almost wistful he thought. She told him of their wedding and how both her and William knew that some of his colleagues thought she was a gold digger and nothing but an east end tart and he couldn't believe it, felt a rage on her behalf, she was one of the kindest people he knew. "Have you ever seen any photos from Dave and Belinda's wedding" and he shook his head "I'll dig some out for you" she laughed shaking her head before she continued the story, Fred, Dave and Sam waited until the men who had said those things about her were alone and taught them a lesson, one of them had his jaw wired up for weeks.

She couldn't help but laugh, a real belly laugh remembering Dave and Belinda's wedding and Marge going on about it. But they had lasted, even with an eight year separation, just like her and William had. "I'm not entirely sure what I am trying to tell you Charles, but Molly didn't just end up in that life because of circumstances like Fred, Dave and I did, she was born into it" putting her hand to his face "she will be well versed in keeping secrets and being suspicious of people outside the family, if she says the wrong thing, her family could end up dead or in prison" looking down "she will always wonder if someone wants her for herself or her connections"

"Her connections" he huffed, didn't sound like she had any

"Yes Charles her connections, some will always want to be a part of what they think is a glamourous life, just look at your brother" and she looked into his eyes as he stared back at her, how much did she know, he had a feeling a lot more than anyone realised "He thought he could just walk into it, that life and found it wasn't what he thought, realised it wasn't like the films, it is hard and ruthless" he nodded "Trust is the single most important thing in that life, she may not have explained herself well when she showed you that flat, but that was the only way she knew how to show you she was committed and trusted you"

"I didn't realise" he whispered as he thought back to his behaviour and accusations of where the money came from.

"You wouldn't" she winced "When we were first married no one wanted anything to do with me, if it hadn't been for Belinda keeping in touch I think I would have gone crazy with the loneliness when I first came here" she shrugged "People asking where I came from and then assuming I must know the Krays and what were they like, yes I have got used to it and yes I have made new friends now as time has crept on but if it wasn't for Belinda in those early days, I'm not sure how I would have coped with your father being away so much, she was the only one I could really talk with, that really understood"

"So you are saying I need more patience" he gave a small smile

"What I'm saying is that her life has been different from yours, that while you look at things with a very black and white attitude, hers has a lot more grey as to what is acceptable" she smiled "what I can say is that little girl has cared for you for years long before your head turned towards hers"

"She's not so little mum, she will be 21 this year"

"You know exactly what I mean Charles so stop being obtuse"

-OG-

The day finally came and they had packed up all the supplies and the sections along with him were off to Macedonia, it was bloody cold February 1999 and they couldn't believe some of the sights they were seeing as the refugees poured across the border from Kosovo. Cold, hungry and very few possessions. Charles looked across at the temporary camp they had set up and looked at the hoards still trying to cross into Macedonia, he thought of his Dad telling him the same thing when he was in this region back in '91. How nothing had really changed.

Finally in March the bombing raids ended and they got the go ahead to start moving across into Kosovo standing between the Kosovan Liberation Army and Serbs. Some of the things his section had to deal with were without a doubt some of the worst he had ever seen. Massacres, they had found mass graves in the hills. He couldn't imagine what the 20 something recruits from two section were thinking when they found it. He didn't think he would ever get that image out of his brain, without a doubt there were women and children in there.

There was one single shot and they all dropped to the ground, all of them calling out to their colleague, looking through their sights to see who had fired. There was only one that didn't respond and that was Geraint Smith. Charles could see him, lying out in the open, his hands holding his neck and without even thinking he stood and ran to him. He had been shot in the neck, Charles called for a medic, told Smith he would be alright and to hold on, Geraint tried to speak but Charles wasn't sure if it was seconds or minutes as he watched the light go from his eyes.

Charles sat in his make shift office trying to compose a letter to the mother of Private Smith. How do you write a letter to a mother whose son was killed the day before the peace conditions were accepted and combat operations were due to end.

They entered Pristina and were assigned temporary barracks, more NATO soldiers were coming in and some were shipping out having done what they were assigned to do. He was sitting outside the barrack room on a bench drinking coffee, thinking about being desperate to get home, see Molly, see their new flat now that it was all furnished, she had sent him pictures along with long letters about what she had been up to. He longed for home, but he had a funeral he was going to have to attend.

"Long time no see" came a gravelly voice and he looked round to see Bones

"I haven't seen you in I don't know how long" grinned Charles coming out of his revere "What are you doing here"

"Bit embarrassing really, we came to secure the airport but the Russians were already there all got a bit messy" he grinned and shrugged his shoulders "You off home soon" and Charles nodded "Same perhaps we will be on the same flight" he sat down next to Charles and took his cup taking a swig of his coffee "I needed that, you seen Elvis lately" and Charles shook his head "You" and Bones shook his head "No mate, I know he is doing something UK based, something to do with guns being smuggled out of London that turned out to be bigger than they first thought" Bones laughed "S'pect it suits him what with him being all loved up with that medic from Keogh"

"What Georgie" and Bones nodded "Serious by all accounts but you know that" Charles nodded unable to speak, why hadn't Elvis spoken to him about the guns, he had met him for a drink in the Dawes club before he came out here. He thought back to his mum's conversation, had Elvis used him to get access to the Dawes club and their trust. No of course he wouldn't they were best mates, he would have said. Trust is everything his mum said, no he wouldn't have used him, but he might have kept quiet about what he knew. After all that was his job.

Charles stomach had dropped like a rock, what was going on at home, Molly hadn't said anything, he knew they had been involved in it although indirectly, his own brother playing a part that had caused Jack to be shot and Molly drugged. Please let this be something unrelated as that business had been ages ago, his flight just couldn't come soon enough, he needed to get home. Needed to know that Molly was safe.