Kate stood there, staring blankly at her hotel room door with the key card grasped in her hand and poised over the lock. She didn't go in though, and she had no idea how long she'd been standing there for. She couldn't stop thinking about Jo, what they'd said and especially what they hadn't said. What she hadn't said.
Could she really just leave it like this?
She couldn't stop blinking and she still felt stunned and bewildered. A little like she'd left herself outside Jo's room, perhaps even gone in and so right now she was just a body, standing before this door with no aim or purpose. Empty and vacant.
Kate turned her head and looked down the corridor in the direction she'd come from and with a deep furrow set in her brow she wondered could she really just go inside and fall sleep knowing Jo was only around the corner? The last time she would ever be this close and this reachable? All Kate needed to do was walk back, knock on the door and see what would happen.
She put the key card back in her pocket.
After Jo closed the door she went straight to her mini fridge and grabbed the first thing that came to hand. She screwed off the cap and swallowed down a big mouthful, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to fend off tears. The pounding of her heart hurt and she bent forwards a little, gasping out a breath as she leaned her weight on her free hand against the table in front of her. She felt a pain inside that she hadn't for a good long while, an all-consuming ache that twisted and turned, only getting bigger and spreading within her by the second.
When she opened her eyes she was presented with her own reflection, the large mirror practically spanning half the length of the wall. 'Take care of yourself' - really? she cursed herself, holding her bottom lip firmly between her teeth and she had to look away, not being able meet her own eyes, then. It was likely the last time she would ever see Kate and that was how she chose to leave it? Worse still she'd cut Kate off from whatever she was about to say to her, out there in the hallway. It was like Jo couldn't get away fast enough. She paced between the bed and the mirror, the nervous energy inside making her feel like she was vibrating.
She couldn't believe she'd done it, panicking as she had in that last moment before she hugged Kate - Jo wasn't that person anymore. The one who ran and hid her emotions. Sat on her feelings and prevented anyone from getting close. Refusing to let anyone in as she was bone-terrified of what they'd find. She'd changed a lot since being that person and besides this was Kate! The one person in the whole world who knew pretty much everything about her, all of her past and now most of her present and for some reason Kate, after everything, had been about to lay her soul bare.
Jo glared at herself in the mirror, a long hard and heavy look - why was she always such a coward? Jo took another swig from the miniature, the gnawing pain in her chest burrowing deeper. Her self-deprecating thoughts about to take over.
It's not like she could even go to her, not knowing what Kate's room number was. She could hardly walk down the corridor shouting her name or knock on every door but then Jo's spirits lifted, a little. She could knock on every door, surely there weren't that many. Her heart started thumping again but for a different reason this time. She was going to be proactive, she was going to find Kate, she was going to -
There was a knock on her door and it made Jo jump, the breath catching in her throat as her head snapped round to face the door. She stood there blinking at it as a million scenarios flashed through her mind, all of them involving Kate. It couldn't possibly be anyone else and so Jo strode toward it with purpose, a ghost of a smile passing over her lips before she pulled open the door without a second thought, her head resting against it when her eyes fell on the person standing there, just beyond it.
Kate was a step or so back from the door and she looked just as nervous as when they first entered the restaurant. More so, in fact, and she was having trouble trying to keep her chest under control. She felt a bit sick if she was honest, her stomach doing some mean churning and when her eyes met Jo's she just looked at her for a moment, wondering if she'd done the right thing. She wondered if she should go but the look on Jo's face made her stay, the smile making her realise she was just where she needed to be. She was still nervous though, and scared but then her gaze dropped to Jo's hand and Kate decided to go through with it.
"Do you mind?" Kate asked in that soft sort of brusque way she had as she gestured inside Jo's room. Jo's smile grew wider and she turned a little against the door so Kate could squeeze by her. Kate took in a deep breath and barged passed her, taking the miniature from her hand as she went. "Cheers," Kate murmured as she reached the far end of the room and then downed what was left of the tiny bottle, grimacing as she turned back to find Jo hovering a good few steps away from her, sort of leaning against the wall where the bedroom turned into small hallway.
Kate swallowed the liquid and coughed a little, the back of her hand coming up to her lips. "That's vodka," she said with a gasp, staring at the bottle before she placed it down on the desk in front of the mirror. For some reason she hadn't been expecting that.
Jo regarded Kate's jittery movements, wide eyes and agitated demeanour. She didn't think she'd ever seen Kate so flustered and it was equal parts nerve-wracking and endearing. She wondered what Kate would look like when she lost control completely. Her eyebrow twitched up as she licked her lips, her head tilting softly into the wall. Kate was staring at her, looking like she wanted to get something off her chest and there was no way Jo was going to stop her this time. "I hadn't noticed."
Kate flexed her hands out twice at her hips, her fingers curling into fists before relaxing again and then she took two purposeful steps towards Jo, careful to leave a few feet between them. The last thing she wanted was to make Jo feel uncomfortable but there was something she had to tell her, and she had to make sure Jo heard her.
She stared Jo directly in the eyes, her expression deadly serious and it made Jo unfurl her arms and push away from the wall. "I know you closed me down before but there's something you have to know, Jo," Kate began, waving a hand when it looked like Jo was going to interrupt. "I can't let you go again without telling you."
Kate's voice was so sincere it made Jo's insides ache. Her brilliant blue eyes intent and focused like the words about to fall from her lips meant the absolute world to her and this was one of the things Jo loved about her. How being truthful and honest meant so much to her that when she spoke it herself, it radiated from her like she didn't even know what a lie was. Kate was honest, direct and forthright and when she was like this it was hard not to get swept up in it.
Jo's eyes darted between Kate's and she felt herself shake a little, as Kate continued to look at her and easily reignite that connection between them. Kate had such a way of connecting with people and Jo felt it deeply, she always had but especially now and it was all in the way those eyes gazed at her. Like they could see her, all of her and whereas before that terrified Jo beyond measure she now found herself being drawn in closer and she allowed it. More than that she wanted it, and she hoped to God Kate wanted that too.
She thought she knew what Kate was talking about, or at least to what she was referring and honestly as much as she wanted Kate to say it, had dreamed of her saying it she also didn't want her to, as well. She'd spent the whole evening wondering if tension filled exchanges and meaningful confessions would do either of them any good because once they were spoken, what then? Jo had lived seven or so years knowing what she felt for Kate, had spent six of them believing they'd never see each other again but now Kate was here, real and in front of her in her hotel room no less looking anxious and nervous and like something was about to pour from her that could never be taken back. There had been seven years of wondering, a million 'did she or didn't she's' but now the moment was here Jo really had no idea if she wanted to hear it. She knew her brow was furrowing, her expression becoming worried as she knew the likely outcome of this situation - it would be bliss but then Kate would still have to leave forever and that would hurt beyond comprehension.
There was no going back for Kate though, not now. Her mind was made up and as irresponsible as she knew it was, how much she might be leaving herself open to heartbreak she didn't care. She had let this woman go once there was no way it was happening again. Not least without her knowing how Kate felt about her, had always felt about her, in actual fact. Last time her anger, frustration and let's face it her job prevented her from being honest but now in this hotel room, there was only the two of them and Kate wasn't going to run away. She liked to confront things head on and this really needed confronting.
Jo braced herself. Fists clenched at her sides and thumbs running over each of her fingers. She couldn't remember feeling this on edge since being caught up in the OCG and it was all the way down her spine, to her toes and back again the amount of tension building within her. She was ready pain or not, heartbreak or not (and she was sure there would be lots of it) but her heart had won out. It had been seven years of wondering and God if Kate didn't look like she wanted to pin her to the wall and kiss the life out of her so Jo was going to hear it, pain be damned.
Kate opened her mouth to speak, her demeanour changing from something like challenge to something like acceptance. Like she could see Jo wasn't running either and it was finally going to be their moment, both of them wanting it as much as the other and both of them finally being able to feel it. The emotion showed in Kate's eyes, her palms turning out at her sides and when she finally spoke it came out as a gasp, her voice a little gravelly like the words were old and meant for them, plucked out from a long and distant past.
"I wasn't pretending, Jo," Kate all but whispered, and it made Jo pretty much crumble inside.
Kate thought back and her eyes shimmered even more, the heaviness of her emotion more pressing than she thought it would be. "When you said that to me in Steve's garage, when you asked me - I couldn't believe it." She shook her head and it was like she was back there, suddenly confronted with how much Jo didn't trust her, obviously, clearly hadn't all along and that's why Jo didn't confide in her, even with how close Kate thought they'd become. It was hard not to feel hurt by it all over again but she pressed on, pushing through it. She knew it wasn't that cut and dry but it was clear her heart still felt the wound. It pulsated then, deep in her chest.
"It was genuine, Jo, all of it." Kate swallowed and it hurt, scratching at the back of her throat and she had to look away for a second, her composure nowhere to be found. She sighed as she tried to figure out how to word it, the back of her hand coming up to briefly cover her mouth. "You and me, I thought it was going somewhere. I thought it might go somewhere," she said as she gestured between them, her eyes blinking back tears. Kate coughed a little, clearing her throat in an attempt to strengthen her voice. Nothing could make up for her stuttering inside, though. There was a beat before she sought out and held Jo's gaze once again. "I wanted it to go somewhere."
Jo felt it everywhere, then. Every one of Kate's words hitting her all at once like a giant emotional heavyweight and it floored her, really, her chest hammering and her pulse thundering beneath her skin. She was stunned into silence, her mouth hanging open a little and she knew she should try to breathe but she thought it might choke her. Kate's eyes weren't helping either, those brilliant blue eyes all genuine and honest and full of regret that she hadn't said all this years ago. Like it physically pained her that she hadn't and that she'd do anything to make it right.
Jo had to look away. She couldn't handle it and so she looked down at the floor before tears threatened to fall. It was everything she'd ever wanted to hear from the woman in front of her and now here she was, saying it, meaning it, and Jo felt like she might fall apart. It was exactly what she'd been afraid of; the knowing. The certainty of Kate's feelings and it was never more prominent than right now as Kate stared at her, out on a limb, waiting for a response that would make everything right. Perhaps even erase time, like Jo could summon up a history between them that started on that night, in that garage and then fill in all the time in between. One with a relationship between them, a romance, a house and a dog and a white picket fence. A beginning, a middle and an end that wouldn't come until years from now, both of them old and sharing the same life, still holding hands and very much in love.
It wasn't as if Jo hadn't imagined such things of course. She had many narratives for the two of them which didn't include a chance meeting between them in a country hotel, the situation all tense and palpable as they stood in one of their rooms both nervous and scared with the revelations of long held onto emotions. If Jo had then she would know what to do, she'd know what to say and she'd know how this whole thing would turn out but she didn't. She didn't know if this would be a one night thing, a longer-term thing or something in the middle and worse still she didn't know which of those outcomes would hurt more because it was bound to end eventually, because that's just how Jo's life went. There was only ever pain.
Jo though kept going back to those eyes and the sheer magnetism of them. They were mesmerising, captivating even and they were filled with as much meaning as Kate's words were. More so, if that was even possible and she just kept hearing it; Kate hadn't been pretending. She did feel something, both then and now and God if Jo hadn't wanted to love her seven years ago she certainly didn't want to love her now. She'd felt it at dinner and even when she'd first spotted her in front of the hotel, those exact same emotions and now they were in danger of consuming her whole. She'd managed to hold them at bay years ago, bury them in the time since but now Kate was making it all come back and Jo was terrified. She closed her eyes and told herself to breathe. So what if it was only for one night? So what if it ended horribly a year down the line because she was in witness protection and Kate just couldn't and yes, it would hurt but fuck wouldn't it be good in the moments in between. Whatever she could get would be good because it was Kate and she was worth it and Goddamnit it if Jo didn't want to know what she tasted like, what she felt like and how her tongue would feel against hers.
Really who the hell was she kidding? Jo had wanted this for years and so against everything her brain was telling her she managed to find her voice and make herself be as honest as Kate was being.
"You did?" Jo asked breathlessly, her words not quite getting over the lump in her throat. Her heart was racing and she had long since given up trying not to shake. She felt her bottom lip quiver and she knew she was done for.
The look on Jo's face made Kate's heart melt. The longing and relief so vivid it was like the realisation was all she ever needed. Kate smiled, slow and warm and she nodded just once, wanting Jo to know how much she meant it. "Yeah," she murmured. "I really did."
"Me too," Jo sighed as she swallowed hard and sucked in a breath, a thumb quickly swiping across the skin beneath her eye. It took her a moment to steady herself, to stop the room from spinning and then she looked at Kate, clearly needing to hear something back and Jo wanted nothing more than to give it to her. It was the least she could do for this woman who had done so much for her. "I wanted you, Kate," she said more firmly, willing herself to stay strong. "God, you know I did."
Kate looked a little shy then, as if somehow she didn't know Jo had fallen head over heels for her from day one. Jo wanted to be surprised but supposed she was never very obvious about anything, back then.
Kate had to glance away and she took great interest in the wall over Jo's shoulder for a moment, her cheeks turning a touch red. "Well, I wasn't too sure," she replied, feeling the great difference between suspecting Jo's feelings and hearing them spoken to her in person. She was suddenly very hot absolutely everywhere.
Jo's lips pulled into a side smirk then as she regarded Kate, the shy and bashful side of her being utterly adorable and charming. Jo bit on her lip as she raised an intrigued eyebrow, her chin going up slightly as she took a tiny step forward. "Is that so?" she wondered aloud, really wanting to know what Kate must've thought back then. If she really had no clue, especially after that moment in the corridor when Jo almost kissed her. She'd so wanted to.
Kate's gaze returned to her and the tension seemed to spike, the distance between them suddenly smaller somehow as if Kate had edged forwards a few steps. She felt even hotter, her skin a little clammy and the way Jo was looking at her was doing nothing for her heart rate. Her eyes were peering into her, a little hooded and a little like she wanted to be kissed. Kate swallowed nervously and her eyes flicked down to Jo's lips.
"Well," Kate answered after a long moment, her breathing rather laboured. "I was kind of confused, back then."
Jo decided Kate was getting more adorable by the second, her cheeks all red and chest heaving a little as she seemed to get lost in the moment. Jo wished beyond anything she could go back in time and change the way things happened, even though she knew no matter what the outcome would've probably been the same. If she was honest she still likely wouldn't have kissed Kate in that hallway, if for no other reason than out of fear of taking her down with her. Jo knew she would've always wanted to though, not just in the corridor but after their countless nights out, too. Just her and Kate once they'd walked back to the end of Jo's street, a little bit tipsy on the couple bottles of wine they'd shared. Jo had always wanted to kiss her. Always. But she wasn't any good for Kate, then, and Kate was always worth so much more than a single night's gratification. Jo remembered how Kate always moved in for a hug first and the way she felt in her arms was something Jo knew she could easily get lost in, if she let herself. She always wanted to let herself, and now was no exception.
Jo reached forwards, almost on instinct and closed the tiny distance that was left between them. She knew Kate's eyes were on her and she felt them gazing over every part of her, the heat rolling over her skin as she recalled what it was like to be the sole subject of Kate's care and attention. She used to feel it constantly across the office and would actively seek it out, never feeling more alive than when Kate's gaze found her.
Jo's eyes dropped to Kate's shirt then, the perfectly tailored lines that took her gaze from Kate's shoulders and down to her waist. Jo's heartbeat was loud in her ears and she could hear Kate's stuttered breaths, Jo's head dipping a little as the heat rose up her neck. She reached out and gently gripped the back of Kate's hand, just like that time in the corridor all those years ago and as she ran her thumb softly over Kate's knuckles, both of their eyes fell to the watch the movement and it was suddenly like no time had passed at all. Kate gasped with the sheer weight of it and it made Jo look up, Kate's eyes all dark and her lips slightly parted.
"Are you confused now?" Jo asked, her tone low and heavy as her fingers stoked a fire against Kate's skin. Jo couldn't get that moment out of her head, how much she'd wanted to kiss her and touch her and it was searing through every inch of her now, all worries and concerns evaporating so all that was left was this heat, this attraction and this need and she knew Kate felt it too.
Kate's mind raced and her body flooded with a million sensations, the intensity and intimacy of this moment like nothing she'd ever felt. She remembered the corridor, of course she did, Jo's touch reminding her instantly and the whole host of emotions that came with it only added to what was already going on inside her. "No," she replied, breathless, with a minute shake of her head. She'd never been more certain of anything in her life and her eyes didn't leave Jo's for a second, the connection between them pulled taught and so packed full of desire there was nothing else either of them could do. Kate wanted her and her heart thrummed with it, her mind full of being this close to Jo and finally being able to touch her and so then, she did.
Kate pulled her hand free of Jo's grasp and quickly her palm was against her jaw, Kate's fingertips pressing into the side of her neck and then Jo's eyes fell closed, Kate pushing her against the wall as their bodies became flush and their hips and chests pressed together, the sheer delight of which only outdone by the inevitable meeting of their lips. A kiss that was years in the making and very much overdue.
It was tentative at first, but only for a moment. Kate pressed their lips together, her eyes also closed as she felt Jo's lips move against her own, once and then twice and it made Kate's chest burn. Something inside her ignited and her skin erupted as the blood pulsed through her veins. She gasped and felt her insides shake, her tongue swiping lightly over Jo's bottom lip and the noise Jo murmured made Kate ache.
Kate then kissed her like she'd never have the chance to again. Hard and fast and full of desire. Of the years of regret and dreams of other outcomes, of alternate realities where they had done this many times before, in darkened offices, hallways and in the back of Kate's car. She felt like she should already know how Jo would taste, the amount of times she'd imagined it. Like she should know all the ways Jo moved her tongue and how Jo's hands would cling onto her, gripping her arms or losing her fingers in the front of Kate's shirt. Holding her close and kissing her back with just as much vigour and ferocity, the outright need coming back at her full force. It was hard to believe this moment was real let alone the whole evening but it was, and Kate knew she wanted this but hadn't realised just how much she needed it, too. So Kate moaned into Jo's mouth, teasing her tongue with her own and enticing it into her own mouth, tilting her head to the side so she could kiss Jo harder and fuller, her hands gripping at Jo's shoulders before they slid down her arms and squeezed at her waist. Jo felt amazing, the way her body moved beneath her fingers and the way her chest hitched when Kate licked into her mouth. It was dizzying, intoxicating, and Kate only wanted more of it.
Jo's head was spinning and her heart was pounding, the way Kate was kissing her making the blood vacate her brain. The very idea of Kate pinning her to a wall was straight from her fantasies yet here she was and she couldn't quite fathom it. She felt it bone deep and all at once, the press of Kate's body and lips and the sounds she was making absolutely ripping every ounce of oxygen from her lungs but it was pure bliss. The desire she felt quick to take control and Jo's hands were over Kate's shoulders, along her neck and into her hair in a fraction of a second.
Jo groaned as Kate leaned more heavily against her, their foreheads meeting as they parted briefly for some air. Their eyes remained closed though, both living on the gasps and pants coming from the other as their fingers touched and felt and grasped at whatever they lay upon. Kate's were busy pushing into the material of Jo's dress at her sides, her ribs heaving against her touch as she pulled in air. One of Jo's was at the back of Kate's neck, her fingers twisting into her short hair and the other pressing into Kate's shoulder.
It really was something out of Jo's dreams, Kate wanting her back like this, so passionately and desperately it was really too good to be true. It was hard to contemplate but thinking really wasn't what she wanted to be doing right then. Jo just wasn't used to it, getting what she wanted. She really wasn't and in her wildest dreams she could never have imagined that Kate would feel this damn good. All solid and lean and pressed up against her, hands roaming but not fully, still respecting Jo's boundaries - as if she really had any where Kate as concerned - and Jo felt utterly undone by it. By Kate and the tsunami of emotions she was feeling as Kate gripped her hips, dug her fingertips in just past the line of gentle and the way she was breathing heavily all over Jo's lips.
Jo's chest actually hurt with how hard her heart was hammering it, at being enveloped in Kate's warmth and all Jo could think about was the sheer deliciousness of Kate's tongue when it tasted her mouth and how Kate groaned with the sheer pleasure of it. Jo wanted it again, her forehead furrowing with such frantic want and then she pushed up on her toes, slamming their lips together with a force that almost knocked Kate backwards.
Luckily Kate was even more solid than Jo remembered, only having to take a step or so back to compensate and holding onto Jo firmly as she kissed her in return. Kate couldn't help her grin though, and the little surprised sound she made as Jo pushed bodily into her. She opened her eyes for a moment, the look of need and intent heavy on Jo's face and then Jo moved her hands and grabbed at the front of Kate's jacket, pulling her into another kiss like she was ravenous. It hit Kate immediately, right in the pit of her stomach - that desperate, longing, yearning feeling that was already spreading outward from her chest and now going rapidly south. She wanted Jo like nothing else, needing to touch and feel and taste her everywhere and her chest absolutely rumbled with it.
Jo pulled away from the kiss for a moment and left a gentle bite on Kate's bottom lip. Her eyes flicked up to Kate's and the look on her face was the most seductive thing Kate had ever seen. Jo's lips were red and swollen, her cheeks completely flushed and her hands began to move beneath Kate's blazer.
"Kate," Jo breathed, her Scottish lilt so deep and pronounced Kate felt it all the way down her spine. She didn't think Jo could get any sexier but here, right now, with a look of such utter lust radiating from those deep brown eyes Kate was coming undone. Jo gripped the front of her shirt and pulled, the desperation etched across her face so Kate leaned her full weight against her, again pushing her to the wall and the moan that left Jo's lips was heavenly.
It was fast, then, both of them lost in a haze of desire and need. Hands roaming everywhere as their legs fell together, Kate having to glance up and gasp when she felt Jo's thigh press right between her own. Kate pushed against it, her eyes finding out Jo's and as she leaned further into her, her eyes were intent, fervent and absolutely desperate.
Jo slid her palms up Kate's body and gripped onto her shoulders, squeezing several times as she held her gaze, not being able to take the tension or keep herself still. She burned, hungry with this feeling and wanting to take as much of Kate as she was willing to give. Her brow furrowed as she licked her lips, her fingers finding the edges of Kate's blazer and then she pushed, Kate's eyes falling closed and Jo knew Kate was holding back. Gathering herself, maybe, or at least trying to. Jo knew Kate, or at least she hoped she still did. She was methodical, careful and controlled so Jo knew she was barely managing to hold herself together, that at any moment she might explode and God how Jo wanted her to.
Kate's jacket hit the floor and that's when she opened her eyes, her pupils fully blown, practically black and Jo's hands slid back across her shoulders slowly, trying to ease out the tension she felt there and then she let one of them rest at the base of Kate's neck, her fingers spreading out and moving into her hair. She played with it between her fingers and all Jo wanted to do was swallow the gasp that left Kate's lips.
"Are you sure you want this, Kate?" Jo asked slowly, her voice only a murmur and Kate looked at her like it was the most absurd question she'd ever heard.
Kate nodded, more than eager. "Really sure," she lamented, her throat horse and voice scratchy. Her hands fell on Jo's hips and she ran her thumbs over them reassuringly. "I've wanted you since I thought you were gonna kiss me in that corridor."
Jo paused and looked at Kate as time seemed to stop for a moment, Kate going a little shy again and Jo not being able to help the small grin that tugged at her lips. That not falling in love thing was going to be pretty impossible, she knew. Jo ran her palm from the base of Kate's neck, over her shoulder and along to the side of Kate's jaw, her thumb tracing over the outline of her cheekbone. There was a beat before Jo tilted Kate's jaw up a touch, prompting her eyes to flick up and trail over Jo's face. They lingered on Jo's lips and then on her eyes before falling to her lips once more.
"Then take me to bed," Jo murmured firmly, and that was all Kate needed to hear.
Jo was exactly how Kate thought she might be back when she imagined them together like this. Bossy, in charge and ready to fuck the life out of her at any given second. Kate's eyebrow flicked up as Jo's command sent a jolt down her spine, spurring Kate into action. "Yes boss," she teased, a wicked grin spreading across her face and then she pulled Jo toward her, kissing her fully and deeply as she moved them away from the wall and toward the bed.
Jo's hands moved directly to the front of Kate's shirt, hastily pulling it from her trousers and then starting to undo the buttons. Kate's lips went to Jo's jaw, kissing all along it and then to her neck, beginning just below her ear and gradually downward as she enjoyed the feel of Jo undressing her. Kate was breathing heavily, overwhelmed by Jo's skin and the way it felt against her lips. She sucked gently at the bottom of Jo's neck where it met her shoulder and the sound Jo made was almost sinful. Kate shuddered, the heat rolling over her and when Jo was done with her buttons and her palms found her abs Kate thought she might come there and then.
"DI Fleming," Jo breathed as her head tilted to the side, her eyes closed in ecstasy as Kate's lips continued on from her neck and across the top of her shoulder. She was moving slowly, the slight nips and bites sending shockwaves to Jo's core and as soon as she was able her hands explored beneath Kate's shirt, her skin soft and solid and twitching a little under her touch.
Jo's words made Kate pause for a moment, a smile forming on her lips as she kissed another once or twice down to her collarbone. She gasped as she felt Jo's hands move, sweeping across her stomach to her sides and back again and Kate's head dipped a little, Jo having already kicked off her shoes so she was back to her familiar height. She looked down at Jo, dark and hooded eyes gazing up at her and when Jo's hands dropped to Kate's belt, unfastening it without even looking Kate felt her heart almost stop.
Kate shuddered, her shirt hanging open and then Jo pushed that off her shoulders too, biting down on her bottom lip as her eyes roamed over Kate's chest. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to the base of Kate's neck, kissing her there again and again as she started to map the expanse of skin on display. Kate's heart was pounding, loud and heavy in her chest as ripples of heat surged through her, the feeling of Jo's hands on her belt blowing her mind. Kate's heartbeat jumped to her throat and she panted, hard, her eyes rolling back when Jo's hands dipped below the waistband of her trousers and skimmed the top of her underwear.
Jo couldn't get enough of how Kate's skin tasted. She took her time, her lips moving slowly as her tongue dipped into Kate's clavicle and inched across her collarbone, her breath heating Kate's skin as she went. Jo breathed harder as Kate gasped something, her fingers continuing their teasing movement along the material between Kate's hips. For all her certainty on the outside on the inside Jo was ablaze. She'd never felt so turned on in her life and having Kate here in front of her, slowly falling apart was doing things to her she couldn't comprehend. The adrenaline was soaring through her, the heat in her gut spreading everywhere, most notably between her legs as her fingers explored, lips searched and her teeth nipped at the base of Kate's neck.
Kate groaned as she felt the bite, her hands frantically squeezing at Jo's hips and then she pulled Jo flush against her, her head going back as the need between her legs intensified tenfold. It was maddening, and Kate needed to do something, anything, to alleviate the tension she was feeling absolutely everywhere.
She grabbed Jo at either side of her jaw and looked at her with nothing but lusting eyes and serious intent. Jo's hands stopped their movement, pausing just above her hips and when Kate kissed her, hard and fast and frenzied Jo ran her palms over Kate's ass and squeezed.
Kate licked into Jo's mouth urgently, tasting as much as she could and swallowing Jo's groans as quickly as she could make them. Kate wanted her, needed to feel her and was acutely aware Jo was still fully clothed. Her hands roamed over Jo's back, across her shoulders and up into her hair. It was soft, all of Jo was and Kate yearned to know how she would feel naked as she lay beneath her, sweating and writhing and calling out Kate's name.
Kate found the zip at the back of Jo's dress and as she felt another wave of desire surge through her she inched it down, pulling back just an inch of space or so to ask silently for permission. Kate took in Jo's expression, her brow slightly furrowed as her tongue swiped over her lips and as she slowly opened her eyes, her hands back on Kate's hips as she tugged on the ends of her open belt Kate immediately got her answer.
Jo's pupils were blown, the lust pouring from them and all Jo could do was bite down on her bottom lip and push out an exceptionally flustered breath. She was certain her face was red, her blood like it was boiling as it roared through her veins and the sensation between her legs driving her insane. She needed Kate to touch her, she wanted to be grinding against her thigh and God if Kate didn't put her tongue somewhere else sometime soon Jo was sure she'd explode.
"Please, Kate," Jo muttered, the anguish etched across her face and Kate's heart plummeted through her stomach at how hot Jo's pleading voice was.
Kate moved back in, kissing Jo again as she stepped right into her, her thigh tight between Jo's legs and Jo's moan was absolutely sinful. Guttural, almost and Kate felt it reverberate to her toes. She pulled the dress down Jo's shoulders, her breath's coming sharply as she followed its movement before returning her lips to Jo's neck, nipping and licking the newly exposed skin as her hands continued to help the dress to the floor.
Once Jo's arms were free she lost her one hand in Kate's hair as the other slid around Kate's body, holding her close once her dress was off. She clawed at her almost, revelling in the kiss of Kate's lips all over her chest. After a few moments she grabbed Kate's jaw and kissed her fervently, her heart frantic and she couldn't get enough of the way Kate felt pressed against her body. She felt like she couldn't breathe, the idea that this was finally happening almost too much. She felt the sting behind her eyes, the obvious reality that Kate wanted her back just as desperately, just as extremely a little too hard to accept.
Jo felt the tightness in her throat but she couldn't stop for even a second, her lust-addled mind and wanting, needing hands taking over all control. Before Jo knew it she undid Kate's trousers, pulling them open and she scratched her nails down Kate's abs, pausing to look and she was quickly mesmerised by the way Kate's chest was heaving within the confines of her bra. Jo pulled her bottom lip between her teeth as Kate stood there, all suave and alluring with those high waisted trousers open and sitting high on her hips. It was an image Jo would save for later, storing it away safely before they were skin on skin again, practically glued together as their moans were lost to the room around them. Jo was all but naked aside from her strapless bra and lace underwear and Kate seriously needed catching up. As much as Jo appreciated the gorgeous as fuck look she was sure she'd love Kate naked and on top of her more. Jo's eyes flashed as she imagined it, holding Kate close to her as she groaned and slid her right palm down over Kate's abs and into her trousers, over her underwear and between her legs.
Kate was undone and the sound she let out was sinful. Her eyes caught Jo's and the connection burned between them, a brief pause that felt like a lifetime but was only really a fraction of a second. It conveyed more than they could articulate right then, perhaps even at all but they both knew it and felt it and then they were moving again, Jo's fingers pressing into the damp material and Kate's head going skyward as her hands gripped Jo's back.
Kate's head was full, her heart thudding and all she could think about was the next moment. She had no idea how they were still both standing nor how she had waited frankly, seven long years to experience anything like this. Fantasising about Jo didn't even cut it, and those had been the best fantasises she'd ever had. Afterwards she would think it was because she had built it up so much as something that would never happen. The woman she'd let slip away without so much as a kiss and then the wild erratic dreams about those lips and nipples and tongue she would never truly know the taste of. Those fingers she would never know the feel of. It wasn't often Kate would go there, not anymore, not as time moved on. Jo was a safe space Kate would go to when she needed comfort, or the guarantee of a crashing orgasm after disappointing partners; an image of Jo firmly in her mind and that accent in her ear.
Reality was better though, and they weren't even on the bed yet.
Jo's lips were moving, down her chest and toward her bra. Her fingers still teasing softly over her underwear as her other hand came up to palm her breast. "Fuck, Jo," Kate breathed, so throaty and needy she barely recognised her own voice.
Jo looked up with dark eyes feeling more alive than she had in years and regardless of what might come after this night, Jo was adamant neither of them would leave with any regret. Jo wanted this more than she had wanted anything, ever, and if the look in Kate's eyes was anything to go by she felt exactly the same way. Kate looked eager and dying to be touched and if Jo had her way she would do so many times before their time was done.
Jo bit the material of Kate's bra where her nipple would be and Kate groaned, a hand now in Jo's hair and then Jo went lower, kissing down Kate's abs which made Kate murmur something incomprehensible. Jo grinned, confident in what she was doing and enjoying how Kate was responding. The hand in her hair was gripping harder but Jo loved it, wanting to push Kate was far as she could go.
"Jesus," Kate whispered, not being able to watch Jo move lower as she was certain she would come right then. Kate was on fire and she needed to be naked and on the bed, with Jo naked and on top of her at least five minutes ago. She chanced a glance down and watched as in one swift movement Jo pulled her trousers down, stopping for a moment to gaze at the evidence of just how wet Kate was and when Jo licked her lips Kate felt faint.
Jo's heart pounded rapidly her rib cage and as much as she liked teasing Kate she was quickly approaching the edge herself. Teasing could come later she thought (and hoped) and then she hooked her fingers in the waistband of Kate's underwear and pulled them down. For a moment she thought Kate might fall but luckily the bed was right there and she sat down on it, leaving Jo on her knees in front of her with the job of removing the clothing gathered around Kate's ankles. The boots were first and the rest quickly followed, easily discarded behind her and then her palms found the outsides of Kate's thighs, sliding them up slowly as Kate parted her legs and Jo settled more comfortably between them. Kate reached around and took off her own bra, pulling it from her arm and flinging it to the floor before she collapsed onto the mattress in the most attractive hot mess Jo had ever seen.
Kate was more than ready, her whole body humming and it felt like it was the first time she'd ever been touched. Her breath caught in her throat and she gasped as she lay back on the bed, her back slightly arched and her fingers busy digging into the sheets. She was hypersensitive, twitching in anticipation and every touch of Jo's fingers sent thrills of pleasure coursing through her. "Jo," Kate panted, her voice deep and dripping with impatience. Kate wasn't one for begging but she was only one more teasing touch from it. She licked her lips and sighed heavily, looking down to find Jo grinning up at her with the wickedest expression she'd ever seen.
Kate just gave her a look, both desperate and insistent and Jo's grin turned into a knowing smirk. "Yes ma'am," Jo said, maintaining eye contact before she leaned down and kissed Kate at the crease of her thigh. Kate groaned as Jo trailed her tongue along that line, down past her clit and then just to the right, finding that small space just above her entrance and then she swiped up, curling her tongue through Kate's wetness and hard over her clit.
The sound Kate made resounded around the room and hit Jo right in the gut, the sensation spurring her on as she felt her insides clench at tasting Kate like this. She wanted to feel more, to taste more and Jo moaned too as she continued to move her tongue up, around and over Kate's clit changing her pressure as she flicked back and forth before starting all over again.
"Fuck yes," Kate was finally able to manage after several incomprehensible words she didn't even understand herself. She was tingling all over, her heartbeat almost in union with Jo's tongue and her hands were practically tearing at the sheets. It was hard to breathe and Kate was gasping all over the place, her body becoming more and more rigid as Jo circled her tongue over Kate's clit faster and faster and when Jo moved lower, her tongue dipping just inside she knew she wasn't going to last much longer. "Jesus..." Kate stuttered as her eyes rolled back and her hand left the bed, sliding her fingers into Jo's hair.
This was better than anything Jo ever imagined. The pressure of Kate's hand at the back of her head as she slipped her tongue inside was exquisite. She tasted like Jo could drink her all night and so she slowed down just a little, wanting to savour this as much as she could.
Kate however keened at the change of pace, her brow furrowing and she pushed her fingers more heavily into Jo's hair, asking her for more as she bit into her bottom lip. She heard a pleased murmur from Jo in response and so Kate continued with her grip, encouraging Jo to go further with the press of her fingers. Jo though moved an inch, the loss of her tongue obvious before Kate felt hot breath blowing over her clit and her head thumped back into the mattress once more.
Jo raised a brow fully satisfied with herself, delighting in Kate's sounds and how her body reacted to her touch. She had no idea though how she was going to wait herself. She was certain she was just as wet as Kate at this point and any amount of friction would likely do her in. She leaned back in deciding to step things up and in one fluid motion she licked inside Kate one more time before going back to her clit, sucking on the hard, pulsating tip as she easily slid two fingers inside her and if Jo thought Kate's moans till now were x-rated, the next one was positively explicit.
Kate's body was taught, every inch of her and her back fully arched, the noises she was making unholy as she rode Jo's fingers hard as they pumped inside her. As much as she could she slammed herself down on them, clenching around them fully as Jo worked on her clit, sucking and then flicking while her free hand tried to hold Kate in place.
"More, Jo," Kate demanded, "please!" and she didn't care that she was begging. This was the best fuck of her life and Kate had never wanted to come more than this. She had to let go of Jo's head as she felt herself getting close, her hands returning to the sheets and she clamped her eyes shut, her muscles starting to seize as her voice went painfully high. "Jo..." her voice almost broke and as Jo slammed a third finger inside her, all of them pumping hard Jo herself had to pull her lips away, her forehead now against Kate's belly as her own breaths came out panting, her fingertips massaging against Kate's front wall and that's when Kate stopped, her eyes going wide and then her body convulsed, wave after wave of pure ecstasy crashing over her as more pleasure than she'd ever felt claimed her muscle by muscle, nerve ending by nerve ending as her heart beat outside her body.
Jo pressed gentle kisses to Kate's abs, relishing in the way Kate's body shook beneath her, the way her chest heaved to pull in more air and how her thighs clenched and unclenched with every tiny movement of Jo's fingers still within her. She removed them slowly, her eyes fixed on Kate's completely spent face and she concentrated hard for a moment, wanting to remember precisely how Kate looked, how beautiful she was naked and writhing underneath her and exactly how it felt to make her come so viscerally. Jo was so happy right then, with this woman who she'd wanted for so long she couldn't even begin to describe it but it must've shown clearly on her face because when Kate was finally able to focus again she sat up a little on her side and pulled Jo in, kissing her so soundly and purposefully Jo almost came apart where she sat.
"That was amazing," Kate whispered as she pulled back, her forehead against Jo's and her chest now breathless for another reason entirely. She felt her chest stutter as she swallowed, Jo's fingers curling around her wrist where it lay against her collarbone, her fingertips pressing into Jo's neck firmly. "You're amazing," she continued, her voice still ragged and then she kissed Jo's forehead, turning them on the bed before she pushed Jo down so she was now on top.
Jo's eyes were glassy and she shuddered as Kate kissed her, gently and almost reverently and she knew she was trembling, her hands sliding over Kate's shoulder blades to hold her close as she listened to Kate whisper how beautiful she was and how good she wanted to make her feel. It was a lot and Jo felt it building in her chest, a ball of heavy emotions forming in her throat.
Kate moved to her neck and started to descend, lavishing warm and wet kisses along her skin in between light nips of her teeth. Jo pushed it down, her head going back as she lost her hands in Kate's ridiculously ravaged hair, the heaviness of her desire soon the overwhelming sensation moving through her. She was once again very aware of the wetness between her legs, her heartbeat escalating quickly and as Kate's lips closed around her nipple she felt the pounding intensely in her clit.
Kate was getting worked up again, the sound of Jo's delicious moans in her ears as she flicked her tongue across the solid hard nipple, her forearms bracing her weight at Jo's either side as Jo started to slowly roll her hips. Kate wanted to be between Jo's legs tasting her, just like all those times she imagined and so she moved lower, not wasting any more time as Jo's fingers tugged ever more insistently at her hair.
Kate glanced up as she scooted down the bed, Jo's eyes pleading as they blinked at her, the desperation and exhilaration clearly visible. That was all the instruction Kate needed and she licked through her immediately, with no pretence or warning and Jo screamed out in utter delight, Kate quickly finding a rhythm and sticking with it.
Jo was loud and vocal in her encouragement and her throaty Scottish tone only spurred her on. Every version of Jo that Kate encountered was sexy as hell and this was certainly no exception. It wasn't going to take long and Kate knew it, feeling her own desire start to mount again but she pressed on, anchoring Jo's hips to the bed as she licked and sucked at her rapidly, Jo's cursing being absolute music to her ears.
Jo ground down on Kate's mouth hard, her heels digging into the mattress for some purchase as her hands pulled at Kate's hair. "Fuck yes, Kate!" she groaned over and over, her stomach starting to spasm and her chest panting mercilessly. If she didn't want to come so much she might be embarrassed but if Kate didn't know how she felt about her by now she couldn't be blamed. Jo hadn't been attracted to anyone so much in her life and now here she was, going to town between her legs and Jo couldn't breathe for it. She was on fire and her body positively ached with it.
Kate rolled her tongue over Jo's clit and sucked hard, Jo's back arching as her neck stretched back and the profanity that fell from her mouth was everything, even though Kate couldn't understand it. Kate was just about to go inside when Jo tugged roughly at her hair, practically pulling her up and Kate was met with the most desperate and sexy expression she'd seen in her life.
"Come here," Jo pleaded, still tugging and so Kate obliged, the almost frantic expression turning to longing as they came face to face. "Kiss me," Jo husked, pulling her in and then Kate was on top of her, kissing her with fervour as she slipped two fingers inside her. Jo moaned into Kate's mouth but held her there, sucking her tongue into her mouth as she felt Kate's fingers move deeper. She clenched around them, her leg hooking over Kate's hip as she rode her, matching Kate's thrusts and wanting nothing more than to come with Kate's tongue in her mouth and her fingers buried knuckle deep inside her.
It became impossible though and eventually Jo had to rip her lips away, screaming out as Kate buried her head in her shoulder and then as Jo was almost there she whispered, "harder," into Kate's ear, her body starting to shake and so Kate pressed that little bit deeper, so much harder and firmer and Jo crashed, her voice cracking as her muscles convulsed sending shockwaves of delirious pleasure thundering through her. She held tightly onto Kate's fingers, riding them as her body shuddered, her chest flooding with a feeling of utter contentment. It was better than she'd imagined, infinitely so and she let her arms hold Kate close, her grip altogether looser as her fingers played softly in her hair.
Kate collapsed against her, so out of breath and exhausted but it was totally worth it. She breathed heavily as she slowed the movement of her hand, happily letting Jo do what she needed to as she came down. Kate couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips, that definitely being the best sex she'd had in her life. She wanted to stay where she was forever but knew that was something she couldn't think about just yet. She breathed in deeply as she felt Jo let go of her fingers and then she kissed Jo's shoulder slowly, Jo turning into her temple and placing a kiss there in return. Kate then removed her fingers gently before rolling onto her back, the cool air very welcome against the clammy skin of her chest.
Jo was boneless. Floating somewhere near the ceiling she would assume if she couldn't feel the mattress at her back. She felt warm all over, the tremors still making her muscles jump and her chest so light she could almost mistake herself for a young teenager again, the chaos and trauma of her adult life still a million miles away.
"You okay?" Jo heard from next to her and it was only then she realised her eyes were closed. Perhaps reluctant to let the world in again and shatter her long sought after peace. She wanted to hold onto it for as long as she could and so she didn't open them just yet, tilting her head in Kate's direction with a ridiculous smile plastered all over her face.
Kate chuckled, happy at how blissed out Jo seemed to be. She definitely hadn't seen Jo so relaxed before and until now wasn't sure if it was even possible. The woman who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders seven years ago, secrets and lies etched in the lines around her eyes and buried deep in the furrow of her brow. She was unburdened at dinner, much less guarded and more able to smile but now as she lay there naked, her layers completely unravelled Kate felt proud and privileged to be the one who got to see it. To be the one who helped her get there and she felt it resolutely between her ribs, tugging at her heart and she only wanted more of it. More of Jo and more of this irrefutable connection between them.
"I'm perfect," Jo murmured, pulling Kate from her thoughts. Her eyes were open now but Kate could only meet them for a moment, glancing down at the sheets between them in order to keep her emotions in check. She was wanting things she was certain she couldn't have. "You?"
Kate swallowed the lump in her throat. "Yeh," she nodded, her voice all breathy and shaky. "Exactly the same."
Jo picked up on the heaviness of the moment not wanting to confront it anymore than Kate did. The 'what nows' seemed inevitable in bringing with them only more endings and that made Jo's chest hurt. She'd had enough of that so she turned on her side and made herself grin, taking in every second of this happy moment and it seemed to be contagious because Kate's face lit up as well.
Jo bit on her bottom lip. "You've done that before, Kate Fleming," she said cheekily, her eyes casting down Kate's beautiful body. She hadn't spent nearly enough time exploring all of that skin.
Kate actually laughed, then, and turned to mirror Jo's position. "And why would you assume I hadn't?" she asked with a quirk of her brow.
Jo just shrugged, drawing tiny patterns on the sheet between them. "I don't know," she replied honestly. "Just always thought you were straight."
Kate's eyes widened in disbelief. "I think you're the only person ever to think that."
Jo was never so happy to be proved wrong. Obviously with all her hoping years ago and wondering ever since she was never totally sure if Kate was into her or not but now clearly she knew better and it made her feel amazing.
"Well," Jo hummed, immediately thinking about the last hour or so. "You've obviously had some practice."
Kate thought back. "Maybe a few times at Uni."
Ah. That old thing, Jo thought. "Not since?"
Kate smiled warmly. "Ah. Did you want to be my first time, Chef?"
Jo went a little red, the mention of her job title making her pulse pick up a little. She felt the spark in her chest again and although there was something quite romantic in that idea of being Kate's first time, Kate then shuffled closer to her and made Jo lose all trail of thought.
"Well, it was my first time with you," Kate said as she met Jo's still dark eyes and her voice dropped much lower. "And there are many more things I want to do with you that will be a first for me."
There was intensity in her statement and in Kate's eyes and Jo felt herself shudder. Kate wanted more and so did Jo, Kate's deep blue eyes utterly captivating and impossible not to get lost in.
Jo didn't want to think about it though, about what Kate might be feeling and certainly not about what her own heart was doing and so she swallowed, her palm reaching out to press against Kate's chest and rubbing gently over her collarbone. "Sounds dangerous," Jo responded, her eyes following the motion of her hand.
Kate knew exactly what she meant, realising exactly what territory they had already entered into but again there was no going back for her. The night wasn't over and it wouldn't be over for hours yet so they didn't have to confront anything tomorrow would bring, not just yet. She tried to find Jo's gaze. "Yeah but you know me," she smiled, "run head first into danger don't I?"
It made Jo smile a little, a breathy chuckle leaving her lips. She did know Kate and she knew she didn't scare easily. Jo looked at her and tried not to show the level of emotion in her eyes, her fingers soothing the skin to Kate's shoulder and back again. "I guess some things never change," she said with a warm tone as her legs moved to link with Kate's.
Kate shook her head, the playful grin back and pulling at her lips. She rested her free hand on Jo's hip. "Not finished yet, are we?" she ventured and the way Jo bit on her bottom lip gave her answer away.
Kate knew it then, with the look of pure openness and hope on Jo's face and the way her chest rose and fell with almost immediate need. Kate was falling, wasn't she? Or maybe she had fallen a long time ago and was only just realising it. Either way she could see the amount of faith and trust Jo was putting in her just by being here and so she would do the same in return.
The smile spread across Jo's face as the seductive look returned to her eyes. She wrapped her hand around Kate's wrist, sliding her fingers around so they linked together, her answer clear and full of promise. "We have all night," she said and then she leaned in, kissing Kate soundly as their lips met.
-/-