TW mention of rape
Addie rolls a cart full of medical supplies down the hospital corridor towards Meredith's room. She is hoping this will go over well but she is unsure.
She gets to Meredith's room and knocks on the door. "It's just Addison." She calls out to warn Meredith.
"Come on in." Carolyn says, smiling at her. She is standing outside of the closed bathroom door. "Mer, you doing okay in there?" Carolyn says to Meredith who is in the bathroom.
"Hi Addie, how are you doing sweetheart?" Carolyn asks her.
"I'm doing well, how about you?" Addie asks, looking around the room for Meredith. "Is she in the bathroom?"
Carolyn nods. "Yeah, she is."
Just then a little crash is heard in the bathroom and both Addie and Carolyn are alarmed.
"Meredith? Are you okay?" Carolyn calls out.
A slight whimper is heard. "Can you help me please?" Meredith says softly, but loud enough for Carolyn to hear.
Carolyn opens the door and sees Meredith on the ground with her crutches next to her. "Meredith! Are you okay? What happened?"
"I tried to walk to the door myself but slipped. I hate these couches." Meredith mutters. "I wanted to do it myself." She pushes the crutches away from herself in anger.
"Aww Meredith. Did you hurt your leg more?" Carolyn asks and helps her up.
"It's fine." Meredith mutters.
"Mer, Addie is here to do a little checkup on you."
Meredith, knowing what check ups Addison's job requires, widens her eyes in fear and yells "no!". She all of a sudden gets out of Carolyn's gentle hold and quickly goes back into the bathroom, closing the door on Addie and Carolyn.
"Meredith, it's okay!" Carolyn calls.
"No!" Meredith protests. "I'm not coming out!"
"Mer, I won't hurt you I promise! You're one of my best friends! I would never hurt you!" Addie calls out to her friend.
"No! No! No!" Meredith yells over and over again. "Don't wanna be touched!"
Carolyn sighs. "I hate that she's always terrified. I feel so bad for her. I want things to go back to normal for her."
"Me too." Addie says sadly.
"Meredith, I was going to surprise you with this later but do you remember the first present Derek ever gave you?"
"Teddy? I miss Teddy." Meredith whispers.
"I have Teddy in my purse. If you come out of the bathroom and let Addie examine you I'll give him to you now."
The bathroom door slowly opens.
"Teddy? Where is he?" Meredith asks softly.
"Will you let Addie examine you?"
"Yes." Meredith whispers. "Can I have Teddy please?"
Carolyn goes to her purse and pulls out a teddy bear stuffed animal.
Meredith's face lights up when she sees him. Carolyn gives her the bear and she hugs him to her chest.
"Thank you Carolyn."
"You're welcome Meredith. I thought that would help you out during these hard times. Can you get back into your bed now?"
Meredith nods. "Can you help me get back into bed please?"
"Of course." Carolyn helps Meredith back into her bed.
"Okay Mer, I just need to make sure the infection is all gone. Do you think you could scoot down to the end of your bed for me please?"
Meredith is clutching her bear to her and doesn't want to move. She whimpers in fear.
"It's okay! I won't hurt you Meredith. It'll only take a few minutes."
"Don't tell her." Meredith whispers.
"Mer… it's Carolyn." Addie says to her friend.
"Mer, you don't need to be ashamed sweetie. None of this was your fault."
"It was too my fault. I lost the baby. All my fault."
"No, look at me Meredith." Carolyn says.
Meredith is looking down at her bear and won't meet Carolyn's eyes.
"Mer, please look at me."
Meredith slowly looks at Carolyn.
"This was not your fault. None of what happened to you was your fault. You did not do anything to deserve this."
"Finn says it was my fault. He said no one cares about me and that I'm a worthless human being. No wonder my baby didn't want to stay with me."
Carolyn gasps and pulls Meredith into her arms. She strokes Meredith's hair. "Meredith, none of that is true. He just said that to bring your spirits down. He wanted to hurt you. You didn't deserve any of that. And as for your baby, he barely fed you so your body couldn't handle a pregnancy. That was not your fault. He only gave you one small meal a day. Anyone would miscarry with that amount of food. I love you so much Meredith Grey and so do so many other people."
"I agree Meredith and I love you so much. I'm so happy you're safe and no longer in harm's way." Addie says to Meredith.
"Addie? What gender was my baby?"
"We don't know Mer. You were barely into your pregnancy when you miscarried."
"Okay." Meredith whispered.
"Can I check you out now please Mer? It won't take long I promise. And you are safe okay." Addie says.
Meredith nods and starts to cry but scoots to the end of the bed. Carolyn sits behind her so she still have Meredith in her arms to comfort her.
"Okay Mer, I'm going to start now. Just concentrate on that cute little bear of yours." Addie says and begins.
Meredith starts to whimper a lot in Carolyn's arms. She has tears streaming down her face.
"Shh, everything is okay. I've got you." Carolyn says, trying to soothe Meredith.
Meredith just continues to whimper. She has a flashback of her being back in Finn's basement. She sees Finn and his friend coming down the stairs.
"No, please don't."
"Shh it's okay." Addie says.
Meredith doesn't hear Addie. She is too in her flashback.
Meredith sees Finn coming towards her and then he proceeds to rape her. "No! Stop! Please! Stop! Don't touch me!"
Meredith is sobbing and is trying to get out of Carolyn's grip. She thinks Addie is Finn touching her. She is trying to move around on the bed.
Addie stops the exam. "Mer, shhh it's okay. I'm stopping. We can take a break sweetie." Addie thinks Meredith just needs a break. She doesn't realize Meredith thinks she is Finn.
Meredith feels Addie stop but thinks it's Finn's friend about to have his turn with her.
"Noooo, please don't! Please don't touch me! I want to go home!!!" Meredith sobs as the memories take over and causes a PTSD attack. "Stop!"
"She thinks I'm Finn." Addie realizes. "Hey! It's Addie! I'm not Finn! You are safe. Come back to us Mer. You are safe."
After both Addie and Carolyn repeatedly telling Meredith that she is safe, she slowly comes out of her flashback.
Both of them are able to see that Meredith is finally calm again. "We're both right here for you Mer. Is there anything we can do for you?" Carolyn asks her softly.
"Can I just lay with you please?" Meredith asked, looking up at Carolyn.
"Of course." Carolyn says. "But would it be okay if Addie finished up her exam? We just want to make sure your infection is gone. We want you to be healthy. Neither of us want you to be scared during the rest of the exam."
"Mer, I just have to check one more thing. It will be super fast I promise." Addie says.
"I'm scared." Meredith admits. "I don't like anyone touching me there." She whispers.
"We know. And no one will ever do it without your permission." Addie tells her.
"Finn did." Meredith whispered. "Many times."
"Finn is an evil man Mer. He shouldn't have done that to you. He will be in jail for a very long time for what he did. No one should ever touch you there without your consent." Addie tells her.
Meredith nods slowly. "You can finish." She whispers.
Addie quickly finishes the exam and does what she needs to do.
"Okay. All done. It looks like the infection is all gone which is great. But, there is one thing that we need to discuss Meredith. I was able to tell that most likely because of how rough Finn was with you, that you now have a hostile uterus. It might be hard for you to get pregnant in the future. I'm very sorry to tell you that Meredith." Addie tells her sadly.
Meredith doesn't say anything. She doesn't know how to react to that. So she just doesn't say anything and continues laying in Carolyn's arms, clutching her old teddy bear to her chest.
Thanks for reading!
Also, for those of you who read Drowned But Not Yet Out, an update will be out soon for that story. Sorry it's been a while since it's last been updated. My co-writer has been very busy and we were both working on this chapter together. But it should be out soon!