The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy
Episode 37
by Derald Snyder
*Two weeks later...*
There was a knock at Peach's apartment door. "Door's open!" Peashy called as she finished her bench-press and sat up. As she walked up to the front, wiping the perspiration off her neck with a towel, she saw a black-shadowed NPC standing there. "And who you might be?"
"I'm Norman P. Chara, co-host of Leanbox Ninja Warrior, remember?" the NPC introduced himself.
"Huh?" Peach blinked in surprise. "But if you're here, that must mean-" she gasped as realization dawned. "I'm in?!"
"That's right, you're a wildcard!" Norman confirmed. "Congratulat-uuurrrgggh!" He grunted as the blonde suddenly grabbed him in a tight hug.
"I'm in! I'm in! I'm going to the Ninja Warrior finals! YIPPEEEEEEEEEE!" She squealed in joy as she spun around with the NPC in tow, in behavior more befitting of her younger counterpart.
"Huuuuuurrrrgggghhh!" Norman groaned in pain as he felt several of his ribs cracking... Needless to say, the producers had to find a replacement co-host.
*One month after that...*
The camera panned over a screaming crowd, before cutting to the hosts podium. "Hello, and welcome to the national finals of Leanbox Ninja Warrior!" declared the host. "I'm Kratt Wiseman, along with my co-host, Admiral Inprunnuncibl! That's his name, not his title!" The man in question was African-American, as well-built as Wiseman, wearing an Admiral Ackbar mask over his head, though his face was still visible.
"We're here at the Grand Finals, on a replica of the legendary Mt. Nepdoriyama course! 100 finalists have come from all over the nation of Leanbox to compete for a cash prize of 1,000,000 credits, by being the first Leanbox citizen ever to complete Gamindustri's toughest obstacle course!"
"That's right!" Admiral nodded, the eyes in his Ackbar mask googling a bit. "Divided into four extreme stages, each one tougher than the last! Though nobody so far has even managed to make it to Stage 4! Let's hope this's the year that changes!"
"Indeed," Kratt nodded in agreement. "But first, Stage 1! We start off with the Pinball Flipper Steps, followed by the Wheel of Fate! Then a new obstacle, the Curtain Slider! After that, the Jumping Spider, followed by the Sonic Curve! Then everyone's favorite, the Warped Wall! After that, the new Coin Flip, followed by a Triple Swing to the finish button!"
"Which of these 100 finalists will make it to the top? We're about to find out!" Admiral teased...
*Down at the course...*
"We made it!" Peach cried excitedly. "We're really here, Adrian!"
"Yes, congrats on getting the wild card!" Sergei said with a grin. "Now you can make up for your embarrassing failure at the city finals, hey?"
"Oh, don't worry," Peach grinned. "I've been training hard with A-Mac! No way is a Salmon Ladder gonna dump me in the drink this time!"
"Speaking of which, where is A-Mac?" Adrian inquired.
"Right here!" A familiar voice spoke up. "And I brought the whole family!" The three turned to see A-Mac and Nisa standing side-by-side, along with, iPad, iPhone, Laura, and...
"DAD?!" Peashy gasped in shock. "What are you doing here?!"
"What, I can't watch my daughter compete on the Ninja Warrior course?" Steve DeRommer grinned as he walked up and gave his eldest daughter a big hug. "I know this won't make up for all the years I was gone, but better late than never, right?" Peach just hugged her father tightly in response, though she was careful not to squeeze too hard. "Ngh... that being said, I'm only staying for Stage 1, then I have to go back to my job. You understand, right?"
"...Fair enough," Peach shrugged as she separated from Steve.
"Oy, is something wrong, Miss Laura?" Sergei spoke up. "You look as if you have seen a ghost!"
"Um..." Laura looked around nervously. "Th-that P-Plutia girl isn't here, i-is she?"
"No, Laura," Peashy sighed. "Plutia went back home. You're safe." The elder woman heaved a sigh of relief in response, while iPad looked disappointed.
"She's been having nightmares ever since that day," iPhone explained. "The only way Mom can get to sleep is if Dad's in bed with her..."
"Yeah, 'cause of that, Dad's been spending a lot more time at home lately," A-Mac added. "Though that's not necessarily a bad thing, from my perspective..."
"It's still an injustice what Plutia did to her, though," Nisa shook her head. "I'd've stopped her, if I'd been there..."
"HA!" Peach laughed. "Lemme tell you something, Nicole... When I fought Plutia in her HDD form, I only barely won, and that was because she didn't really want to hurt me! And seeing how easily I kicked your butt a few months back, you think YOU stand any chance against her?!"
"Uh..." Nicole put a hand behind her head. "I g-guess I'd have to call for backup then..."
"Well, as loud as you are sometimes, you could at least provide an effective distraction for Mom to escape," iPhone theorized. "Though you would likely end up in the hospital and traumatized yourself..."
"All right, that's enough," Steve cut in. "Let's get back to the competition, here... Do any of you know what order you're going in?"
"Sergei's first, this time," Adrian explained. "Then me, then Peach, and finally Arthur."
"Yes, I think I'm one of the first five," Sergei muttered. "Hopefully I don't make a fool of myself, hey?"
"By the way, where's Lady Vert?" Laura looked about. "Plutia or not, I'd feel a lot safer if she were here..."
"Oh, she's here, all right," Peashy sighed as she looked up at the hosts' podium...
"And tonight, we have a very special guest host!" Kratt announced. "Ladies and gentlemen, it's none other then Leanbox's CPU herself, Lady Vert!"
The crowd lost it at that, breaking into wild cheers as Vert stepped up from behind the other two hosts, waving to the audience as they started chanting her name. "Yes, yes, thank you! Thank you all for that wonderful welcome!" She then donned a headset so the TV-watchers could hear her voice clearly.
"Holy crap, she's hosting?!" A-Mac gasped in disbelief.
"Only for the first stage," Peach clarified. "She said she doesn't want to steal the spotlight from the other hosts... or the participants."
"Oh, look!" iPad pointed. "I think the first guy's getting ready!"
"And so it begins," said Adrian as the group turned to watch the NPC.
*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*
The shadow-man started by walking up the Flipper Steps, going slow to ensure he didn't lose his balance and fall. Approaching the Wheel of Fate, he jumped off the trampoline-
-only to miss grabbing the wheel, face-planting in the water!
FAIL
"Oh!" Kratt recoiled at the sight.
"He's gonna feel that one in the morning," Admiral observed grimly.
"Indeed, he should have tested the trampoline before jumping, at least," Vert added. "Of course, if it were me, I would probably end up doing the same thing..."
"Well, here comes the next guy!" Admiral pointed out another male NPC with a longer hairstyle. "Let's see if he does any better..."
*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*
The NPC got across the Flipper Steps with no trouble, before jumping off the trampoline and successfully grabbing the Wheel of Fate. Swinging a few times, he managed to dismount and land on the other side with no trouble.
"Nice!" Kratt nodded in approval. "Now let's see how he does on the Curtain Slider!"
"He's gotta make sure he lets go at just the right time to land on the small square platform, or else he goes in the water!" Admiral explained, as the shadow-man got a good grip on the curtains, before starting to slide down... unfortunately, as he picked up speed, the NPC panicked and let go far too soon, thumping his head on the platform as the rest of his body splashed down.
FAIL
"Ouch!" Admiral winced. "That one's gonna smart..."
"Well, Ninja Warrior's as much about the mental state as being physically prepared," Wiseman added. "If you don't keep your wits about you, you're gonna get wet, and see ya next year!"
"I know the feeling," Vert nodded. "If you remember, Kratt, I tried the regional course myself a few months back... but I was so focused on the crowd's cheering, I messed up the dismount on the Log Grip..."
"I remember," Kratt recalled with a chuckle. "You attended the event in disguise to try and cheer on your bodyguard, correct?"
"Yes, and while we're on that subject, let me state clearly that I had NO influence on the producers' decision to give Peach a wildcard," Vert stated firmly. "They made that decision completely on their own."
"Well, speaking of your bodyguard, looks like one of her former Army cohorts is up next! Gunnery Sergeant Sergei Johnson, age 36. He fell on Cannonball Alley in the regionals, but his time was good enough to qualify. Let's see how he tackles Stage 1..."
"C'mon, Sergei, you got this!" Adrian encouraged. "Just like the obstacle courses on base!"
"Yeah, show these scrubs how it's done!" Peach yelled to him.
*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*
Sergei started across the Flipper Steps, going quickly, but methodically, making it across with no trouble. He then tested the trampoline a little, before jumping off in earnest and grabbing the Wheel of Fate, easily swinging to the other side.
Next was the Curtain Slider, the soldier getting a good grip as he started to slide down... but when he reached the platform, he instinctively did a combat roll and tumbled into the water!
FAIL
"Oh nooooo!" Nisa cried in disbelief.
"Sergei, you IDIOT! What were you thinking?!" Adrian yelled in dismay.
"I don't believe it...! I thought he would go out on the Coin Flip, or maybe the Sonic Curve..." Peashy shook her head.
"Sarge, what happened?!" said Sharon the female NPC co-host as Sergei pulled himself from the water. You were doing so good...!"
"Oy, I forgot how small the platform was, and combat rolled to my doom!" the sergeant bowed his head in shame. "I am sure Adrian is going to give me the drill sergeant nasty treatment for this..."
"You do realize, you outrank me..." Adrian pointed out as he walked up.
"Only because you got the commander-in-chief mad at you, we should be equals!" Sergei countered. "Go on, comrade, let me have it, I deserve it..."
"As you wish," Adrian shrugged, before getting in his fellow soldier's face. "Oh, my Goddess! What was with that sorry performance?! You're a disgrace to your unit, Gunny! If this were a combat zone, the enemy would have you full of lead while you floundered in the water...!"
"Uh, anyway, back to you, Kratt!" Sharon quickly stammered as she put some distance between her and the soldiers.
"Well, he *did* ask for it," Admiral shrugged, the eyes in his Ackbar mask googling slightly.
"...All right, I can't handle this anymore," Vert sighed, before abruptly grabbing Admiral's head! "You will remove that ridiculous-looking mask this instant!"
"Ack! No! Not my Ackbar mask!" the Negro cried to no avail, the mask coming off with a *pop!*, revealing his completely bald head as Vert tossed the offending piece of gear behind the hosts' podium... "Aw, man... I didn't want anyone to see the hack job the barber did..."
"Trust me, you look better this way," Vert stated with no remorse.
"Can't argue with the goddess herself," Kratt shrugged with a smile. "Well, let's get back to the competition..."
*A short time later...*
"And next up, Petty Officer Adrian Johns, age 35!" Wiseman announced. "You might say he's the one who recruited Lady Vert's bodyguard into the Army to begin with... He's also the only person who completed the regional finals in Leanbox City!"
"Well, let's hope he can avoid making the same mistake Sergei did!" Admiral said. "Especially after that chewing out he gave 'im!"
"Adrian, you better win!" Peach called, "Or I'm gonna chew you out worse than you did Sergei!"
"Now THAT'S incentive," A-Mac chuckled. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right Nicole?"
"Right," Nisa nodded with a neutral expression.
*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*
Like Sergei before him, Adrian cleared the first two obstacles easily... when he got to the Curtain Slider, he took a moment to gauge the distance to the platform before grabbing on... as he slid down, he released at just the right time to land on the platform without his forward momentum carrying him into the water.
"He did it!" Peach cried with joy.
"Go Adrian! Go Adrian!" iPad and iPhone cheered.
"And now, on to the Jumping Spider!" Kratt stated. "He's seen a similar obstacle in the regionals, he shouldn't have any trouble here!" Sure enough, the petty officer got a good jump off the trampoline, successfully wedging himself between the two clear plastic walls with his hands and feet. Then he slowly made his way to the other side, successfully dismounting!
"Next up, the Sonic Curve!" Admiral announced. The crowd watched as Adrian ran along the half-pipe, grabbing the rope and swing ing over to a set of pillars sticking out of the water... he missed at first, but managed to swing back and get himself onto the tallest pillar, then made his way across the other pillars down to the platform!
"No trouble with that one!" Kratt nodded in satisfaction. "And now, another familiar obstacle, the Warped Wall! Shouldn't have any trouble here, either..." Just as the host predicted, Adrian easily ran up the wall and grabbed the top, pulling himself up. "Nicely done!"
"Yeah, but now he has to deal with an all-new obstacle, the Coin Flip!" Admiral said. "If he doesn't step on those small round platforms just right, they'll flip 'im into the drink!"
"Well, Adrian has pretty good balance, so I'm not worried," Vert put in her two cents, watching as Adrian looked over the obstacle for a few moments... then he backed up a few steps, before taking off running getting across with sheer momentum, though stumbled and went down to his knees on the other side. The crowd cheered loudly at this- he'd been the first to make it this far tonight!
"And now the last obstacle, the Triple Swing!" declared Wiseman. Four rigid metal bars hung above the water, slightly lowering in altitude across the way, the last two close together. "All he has to do is swing across to the net and climb up to the finish button! Can he do it?"
"C'mon, Adrian, this shouldn't be any trouble for ya!" A-Mac encouraged.
The soldier took a moment to catch his breath, before grabbing ahold of the first bar and hanging down. Swinging a little, he managed to grab the next bar with one arm, then transfer his other arm over... He then swung off the second bar and grabbed the third with both hands, before transferring to the last bar easily. One final swing and he made it to the net, climbing up and dashing to the finish button, hitting it with time to spare!
FINISH!
"And he's done it!" Kratt exclaimed, Peach and co. cheering loudly as Adrian straightened up and gave a salute to the crowds. "Adrian Harold Johns, our first finisher tonight! He continues to impress after his stellar performance in the city finals!"
"There's no doubt, he's one of the best," Vert nodded, smiling with pride.
"Yeah, Mission Accomplished!" Admiral added. "Looks like Sharon's with him right now!"
"Hey there, congrat- whoa!" Sharon recoiled as Peashy ran up and grabbed Adrian off the ground in a big hug. "Well, someone's happy you won..."
"Ya think?" Adrian grunted, before Peach set him back down. "Wasn't really that bad, just gotta keep your wits about you... it's the next stages I'm worried about..."
"Well, you can 'at ease' for now! Nice job!" the NPC said. "Back to you, Kratt!"
"Man, you made that look easy!" A-Mac spoke as Adrian and Peach rejoined the group. "I feel a little better about taking that thing on myself, now..."
"Just don't get cocky," Adrian advised. "Pride comes before the fall, as they say..."
"Yeah, and also," Steve cut in, "I'm sure you've heard this before, Arthur, but try not to be too upset if you do lose... After all, it's not like the fate of the world depends on whether you win or not... That's Lady Vert's job."
"Ha, ha. Funny, Dad," Arthur rolled his eyes as he turned to watch the next competitor...
*Some time later...*
"My turn!" said Peashy.
"Go for it, Big Sis!" iPad cheered.
"We're behind you all the way!" Laura added.
"Make your father proud!" yelled Steve.
"And next, the one we've all been waiting for!" declared Wiseman. "Former Staff Sergeant Peach Macintosh, age 29, and Lady Vert's personal bodyguard! Adrian and her extended family are cheering her from the sidelines!"
"Wait, is that Steve DeRommer I see down there?!" Admiral gasped.
"...Yes, actually, Peach is his daughter from his previous marriage," Vert solemnly admitted. "The two of them just recently patched things up..."
"Wow, talk about a shocker!" The black man shook his bald head in disbelief.
"Well, let's focus on Peach's run for right now!" Kratt quickly cut in.
*beep, beep, beep, BOOP!*
Peach seemed a little wobbly on the Flipper Steps, but got across without issue. Then at the Wheel of Fate, she simply ignored the trampoline and jumped right up to grab the wheel by herself!
"WHOA! Did she just jump up there all by herself?!" Admiral gaped.
"Not the first time she's done that," Kratt observed as Peach easily swung to the other side. And now the Curtain Slider!" Everyone watched as the blonde gripped the curtains and slid down, hitting the platform on all fours. "No problems!" Then she jogged up to the Jumping Spider, again forgoing the trampoline and jumping into the obstacle herself! "Whoa, look at her go!"
"I see you, Peach!" Admiral cried excitedly. "She moves faster than a speeding bullet, stronger than a locomotive, jumping buildings in a single bound, she's Super-Peach!"
"I wouldn't go quite that far," Vert noted in a slightly amused tone of voice, as Peach made it to the end of the obstacle and jumped down, before attacking the Sonic Curve, running up the half-pipe before grabbing the rope and swinging to the pillars, taking a moment to balance herself before making her way down to the platform. "She's certainly something, though..."
"But now, it's the Warped Wall!" said Kratt. "She had a bit of trouble with this one in the qualifier, and she's got less room to run here!" Sure enough, Peach's first attempt to scale the wall ended badly, with the blonde only able to briefly grip the top before tumbling down.
"Uh-oh, Super-Peach is startin' to look mortal now!" Admiral grunted worriedly. "Let's hope the Warped Wall ain't her Kryptonite!" Fortunately she managed to get up on top with the second attempt, jumping down before walking up to the Coin Flip. Taking a moment to study the obstacle, she backed up a little before dashing across the obstacle, though she tripped and face-planted on the other side.
"Ouch!" Kratt recoiled, Admiral and Vert wincing as well. "History repeats again! She did the same thing on the Bridge of Blades during the qualifier... But it looks like she's okay."
"Yes, fortunately, she's quite resilient," Vert nodded solemnly, watching as Peashy checked her face, before proceeding to the Triple Swing. She grabbed the first bar, transferring to the second, then swinging and jumping to the last two bars, taking a moment to get enough momentum to swing to the net, quickly climbing up and running to the finish button, hitting it with a decisive smack!
FINISH!
"She did it! As if there were any doubt whatsoever!" Kratt declared.
"You're not just saying that because I'm here, are you?" Vert smirked.
"Naw, we don't need to!" Admiral asserted. "Peach can speak for herself, Sharon's with her right now!"
"Congratulations!" The female NPC host said to Peach after she climbed down to the ground. "How are you feeling? You must feel great!"
"Oh, I do!" Peashy nodded with a big smile.
"You took a pretty bad tumble on the Coin Flip, though..."
"Ah, I didn't break my nose or anything," the muscular blonde waved her off. "The damage I suffered was barely in the double digits..."
"Okay..." Sharon nodded. "By the way, is Steve DeRommer really your father?!"
"Yeah, he is..." Peach shrugged as A-Mac walked up. "Which means my training partner here turned out to be my half-brother!" She promptly grabbed the younger man in a playful headlock.
"Hey, easy! I still gotta run yet!" A-Mac protested.
"So you're all getting along alright? No drama or anything?" Sharon inquired.
"Well, I wouldn't say NO drama..." Peashy mused as she let go of her brother, "but I think everything's mellowed out now- don't believe anything the tabloids say, OK?"
"OK! Congratulations again!" the NPC nodded. "Back to you, Kratt and Admiral!"
"Well, ya know those tabloids always exaggerate to sell more copies anyway!" Admiral pointed out.
"Indeed, you should see what they've said about the relationship between my Oracle and myself," Vert sighed. "Though I won't go into any detail, seeing this is a public broadcast and all..."
"Well, there's no exaggerating Peach's performance so far tonight!" Wiseman stated. "We'll see if she's got what it takes to go all the way!"
*Some time later...*
Vert and the two hosts watched as A-Mac managed to successfully swing off the Triple Swing and onto the cargo net. "Uh-oh, he's got less than ten seconds!" Kratt said worriedly.
"Hurry up, A-Mac!" Admiral yelled as the youth pulled himself to the top, racing to the finish button...
"Is he gonna make it...?!" gasped Wiseman.
FINISH!
"YES! He does it with less than a second to spare!"
"My, that was cutting it awfully close..." Vert mused.
"Nice work!" Sharon said to A-Mac as he climbed down. "It almost looked like you weren't gonna make it, though..."
"I was just tryin' to pace myself for the next stages," A-Mac explained. "But yeah, I had to hussle a little bit there at the end."
"I see... oh, and here's Steve DeRommer himself!" Sharon exclaimed as A-Mac's father walked up. "You must be proud of both your children tonight!"
"Oh, I am, believe me," Steve nodded. "It's like I've always said to Arthur- even if they didn't get my brains, they've got other talents worth exercising..."
"You think they could go all the way?"
"Ehhh, I don't want to make any predictions," Steve demurred, "though I'm pretty sure they could at least complete Stage 2!"
"Always gotta hedge your bets, huh Dad?" A-Mac snarked.
"Hope for the best, plan for the worst," the older man stated.
"Good advice!" Sharon chuckled. "Back to you, Kratt!"
As the NPC walked away, Nicole came up and said, "Well, you've already gotten a lot farther than I ever did, so that's something, right Arthur?"
"Right," A-Mac chuckled as he gently embraced his girlfriend around the waist. "So since we've all run, you gonna head out, Dad?"
"Yeah," Steve sighed as he checked his watch, "I've gotta get back to work." Walking over to the rest of his family, he squatted down before his two youngest children. "You two behave yourselves, okay? Don't give your mother any headaches..."
"We won't," iPhone promised.
"Is it OK that we stay up past our bedtimes to watch the rest of the event?" iPad asked.
Steve exchanged a quick glance with his wife, before replying, "We'll make an exception this once. But it's right to bed when you get home, got it? Oh, and make sure to comfort your mother if she starts having nightmares again, all right?"
"OK!" iPad and iPhone agreed in unison.
"Good girls." Steve then stood up, giving his wife a kiss on the cheek. "Love you, honey." He then walked over to Peach and did the same. "And you too, Peach."
"Yeah, thanks for coming," Peashy nodded. "I really do appreciate it, Dad... don't overwork yourself, OK?"
"I'll try not to," Steve smirked, before departing.
"Bye, Dad!" iPad and iPhone waved after him. Peach watched him go, before feeling a hand on her shoulder, turning to see Adrian smiling at her, Peach smiling and nodding back, bringing her hand up to touch his.
And so the competition went on...
*To be continued...*