The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 41

by Derald Snyder

*Army Barracks, Lastation City*

Peach walked into the barracks in a military uniform, seeing several soldiers sitting and lazing about, not doing much... Sweat-dropping, she couldn't help but wonder, (Is this how Adrian felt when he was first recruited? Sheesh, no wonder Noire requested me to try and whip these guys into shape...) Putting her pinky fingers to the corners of her mouth, she whistled long and hard, getting everyone's attention. "Alright, you soldiers! Out to the training grounds, NOW! Hut, hut, hut!" Something in her voice caused the scattered men to immediately jump to their feet and do as ordered...

*At the training grounds*

Peashy looked over the soldiers gathered in front of her with a critical eye, noting that some of their uniforms looked quite disheveled. "So then," she began, "My name is Peach Macintosh. It has come to Lady Noire's attention that you losers are operating far below your potential, to put it politely. So she has recruited me from Leanbox in order to get your sorry butts back into shape, come heck or high water!"

"LEANBOX?!" one of the men spoke out. "Why do we gotta listen to some busty broad from Leanbox?!" A few of the others mumbled in agreement. Peach's eyes narrowed at this, marching over to a tall rain barrel that was full to the top with water...

...and easily lifted it over her head with one arm, the soldiers gasping in disbelief! "I believe the phrase is, 'You're out of line, soldier,'" the blonde growled.

"Y-y-yes ma'am! So sorry, ma'am!" the offending soldier stood at attention. "I-it won't happen again!"

"Good." Peashy set the rain barrel down. "I didn't get to Staff Sergeant in the Leanbox Army with my good looks, you know... Anyway." Marching back in front of the gathered men, she stated, "First things first, I have to see exactly where you are before I can figure out where to take you. And for that, I've brought some help." Turning her head, she put two fingers to her mouth and whistled sharply, causing a red-headed girl to run out onto the grounds. Said girl had her hair pulled back into a single ponytail, wearing a pink sweater and gray short skirt, along with black-and-orange striped socks, with black shoes and black leg warmers. "This is my companion, Uzume. She'll be putting you through your paces today."

"Hello~!" The new arrival waved. "Uzume is happy to meet you all!"

The gathered soldiers groaned in disbelief. "With all due respect, Sergeant," another man spoke up, "you can't be serious! You think we can't take on someone like this?!"

"...would you like to try?" Peach raised an eyebrow. "Come on up here, then." The soldier smirked as he confidently strode in front of the redhead, taking a fighting stance. (Too relaxed and sloppy,) Peach couldn't help but observe.

"Hee hee, Don't go too hard on Uzume, ok~?" Uzume giggled as she took her stance, causing her opponent to roll his eyes.

"We'll use the 'three-strikes' rule," Peashy declared. "First one to land three clean hits on their opponent wins, got it? And... GO!"

Uzume opened with a wide swing, which soldier ducked under and responded with a punch to the shoulder. "Owie!" the redhead cried.

"One!" said Peach.

"You meanie!" Uzume said, lashing out with a high kick... which went wide my several inches, her opponent catching er leg on the way down and throwing her to the ground. Uzume immediately jumped back up and swung again, only to get socked in the face.

"Two!" said Peach. Uzume then jumped and flipped over the soldier's head-

-only to be hit with a kick that sent her sprawling. "Three! You're out!" Peach declared. The other soldiers applauded their comrade at this.

"So, whadaya think?" the man said smugly. "Can't call me a loser now, can ya?"

"Hmph!" the blonde snorted. "It would seem you at least have a grasp of the basics... though a very loose grasp."

"Waaaaaait!" Uzume yelled suddenly as she stood back up. "Uzume wants to go again! Please? Pretty please? Uzume will work really hard this time!"

The soldier rolled his eyes, before turning to the others. "Hey, one of you wanna go?"

"I'll do it!" One of them raised his hand, walking up as his comrade returned to the line. "This'll be a piece of cake!"

"Nuh-uh!" the redhead shook her head. "When Uzume gets serious, you don't stand a chance! Though Uzume would much rather be saved by a dashing Prince Charming... Ahhhhh..." Peach promptly snapped her fingers in front of Uzume's face to snap her out of it. "Oops! Was Uzume daydreaming again?" The soldiers laughed at this.

"Come on!" the man standing across from Uzume groaned, "If you're not gonna take this seriously, why don't you just go home to Leanbox?"

"Wrong! Uzume lives in Planeptune, not Leanbox!" the redhead retorted.

"Well that explains a few things," another soldier snarked, causing another round of laughter.

Peashy stomped her foot once to get everyone's attention, before speaking, "For your information, Planeptune is where I was born and raised! And I'm not letting you off with insulting my old home! Right, Uzume?"

"You got it!" Uzume nodded. "Peashy..." her voice suddenly lowered, "get me my fighting gloves. Time to send these scrubs to dreamland!"

*Music- Guile's Theme(CPS2), Super Street Fighter II*

Uzume promptly threw off her pink sweater, revealing her usual outfit underneath, then undoing her ponytail and re-tying her hair into her familiar twin-tails, Peach passing her black fighting gloves to her, which the CPU promptly slid on, taking her stance. "Let's go!"

The soldier hesitated, before going for a right hook, only for Uzume to grab his limb and sock him three times in the stomach! "One, two, three! You're out!" She tossed him aside. "Next!"

"Hey!" The soldier who had fought before rushed in, only to get slugged in the face twice, then kicked aside.

"One, two, three! You're out! Next!"

"GET HER!" the remaining soldiers rushed in, and seemed to overwhelm Uzume and pound her into the ground...

"Hey, over here, losers!" A voice called a short distance away, the soldiers looking up and seeing Uzume standing there. They immediately rushed her again, only for the redhead to kick the front guy in the solar plexus, sending him crashing back into the others. A few soldiers broke off and tried to surround her, only for Uzume to lash out with a roundhouse that knocked them all down! Another soldier tried a jumping kick, but the goddess just grabbed his foot and flipped him backwards onto the ground. Another one tried to sneak up from behind, but Uzume easily ducked his swing, coming back up with a backhand that sent him onto his back, knocked out.

Two more soldiers rushed at her from opposite sides, the redhead stepping back and letting them collide with each other, then grabbing their heads and knocking them together for good measure. "Anyone else?"

The last soldier cautiously approached with gritted teeth, swinging as Uzume rushed in... and missing, allowing the goddess to knee him in the stomach, slug him in the ribs with her left fist, then finish with a right-fisted uppercut that sent him to the ground. "Is that it? Sheesh, I could've gotten better practice with the training dummies at the Basilicom!" Uzume sighed as she dusted off her hands.

Peashy could only laugh as she clapped her hands. "Nice job, Uzume! You sure showed them!"

"Nnngghh... you tricked us!" One soldier grunted as he slowly got up.

"Yes. Yes I did," Peach admitted with no remorse. "Let that be a lesson to you losers... NEVER underestimate your opponent! It's now become clear to me that you ALL need to be re-trained from square one! And that training starts now! On your feet, maggots! Up, up, up!"

The soldiers groaned as they slowly dragged themselves to their feet, realizing that their torture was just beginning...

*Episode 41- End*