The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 43

by Derald Snyder

A/N: If you want further context, read the 'Vert-Mom' chapter of 'Mother's Day, Ultradimension Style'.

Chika stared.

Chika stared back.

Chika blinked.

Chika tilted her head curiously.

"...Like staring in a mirror, huh?" Peach observed.

"Uh-huh," Both Chikas nodded. One was clad in the traditional black dress Chika Hakozaki was known for, while her counterpart was dressed in a more conservative green blouse and matching skirt, though they both wore the same distinctive black bow in their hair.

"So are you just gonna stare at each other all day?" Peashy sighed. "I mean, you were so gung-ho about meeting your other self, Chika..."

"I know," the Chika in the black dress nodded. "Tell me something... is Lady Vert truly your sister in this dimension?"

"Half-sister, yes," the other Chika, the one from the Ultradimension, clarified. "Father confirmed it. He had a one-night stand with Vert's mother quite a few years before I was born... Apparently my mother's had some problems with her womb in the past, she says my birth was nearly a miracle..."

"Is that right?" Chika said as she rested her chin on one hand. "I don't recall my mother ever saying she had trouble conceiving... she only wanted one child to begin with."

"You don't say," the other Chika muttered as she looked her other self over. "Does your Vert really permit you to dress like that? On the clock, I mean?"

"I've never heard her complain," Chika shrugged. "Though, I can understand why your Vert won't allow you to dress in such a manner... Peach told me that you were apparently quite the delinquent before Lady Vert took you under her wing."

"And I suppose YOU were a paragon of good behavior in your youth?" the other Chika retorted.

"Well... I admit I smoked in high school," Chika said, "But when I decided I wanted to work for Lady Vert, I forced myself to kick the habit. I knew she would never approve..."

The other Chika nodded. "Well, at least Vert's mom is a former smoker herself, so she helps me work through my nicotine withdrawals... I don't think I could handle it otherwise. And Vert herself... well, 'slave-driver' is probably too harsh a term, but she's very strict regardless..."

"I'm sure she's only like that because she wants you to become a better person," Peashy cut in. "She's wanted a little sister for the longest time, and now that she actually has one... Of course, I've seen my Lady Vert be quite strict with this Chika too, especially when we had trouble getting along..."

"I suppose I was being rather childish at the time..." Chika admitted with a sigh. "But when she saved me from Iris Heart, I-"

"Iris Heart?!" The other Chika jumped up from her chair in horror. "Not THE Iris Heart, the terror of Planeptune! You met her and lived to tell about it?!"

"She's not THAT bad," Peashy sighed. "Actually, when she's not in HDD, she's really nice and friendly... but if you piss her off, then Katy bar the door. Besides, that whole encounter was a set-up by my Vert to begin with..."

"Wh-what?!" the other Chika grunted in disbelief. "Your Vert...?! Why? Why would she do such a horrible thing?!"

"It was a last resort, to get me to see the error of my ways," Chika explained. "...It worked. Anyway," she took a breath, "enough about Peach and myself. The reason I came here was to see if I could help you become a better servant to your sister..."

"Really...?" The other Chika mulled as she sat back down. "What did you have in mind, exactly?"

"I thought I might teach you how to give a back massage," her counterpart stated. "And we'll be using Peach here as a guinea pig, so to speak."

"Yeah, and don't worry about hurting me too much," the blonde said. "I'm a tough girl, I used to serve in the army before being hired as Lady Vert's bodyguard..."

"...Well, okay," the other Chika agreed. "I'll give it a try..."

"Thattagirl," Chika smiled.

*A few minutes later...*

"Erg, pressing too hard!" Peashy grunted through gritted teeth, now laying on her front side with her shirt removed and her bra strap undone.

"Oh, sorry," the other Chika apologized as she eased off a little. "Your muscles are pretty hard, so it's hard for me to tell..."

"You don't press directly down like that," Chika instructed. "Use circular motions."

"O-okay," the other Chika nodded, doing as she was told.

"Ahhh yeah, that's more like it..." Peach sighed in contentment.

Chika nodded slightly in satisfaction. "All right, now move on to the next spot."

Just then, a voice was heard shouting, "Chikaaa! Where are you? You had better not be slacking off again...!" The door then opened, revealing Ultradimension Vert. "Oh, there you are... Huh?" Her eyes shrunk to circles as she realized she was seeing double.

"No, Lady Vert, you don't have double vision," Peach grunted as she lifted her head up slightly.

"Oh...? OH!" Vert gasped as realization dawned. "Y-you must be the Chika Hakozaki that works for my counterpart, correct?"

"Yes, Lady Vert!" Chika curtsied briefly. "I was teaching my other self how to give back massages, seeing as I do that for my Vert all the time... Surely you also have back problems every so often, for, well, obvious reasons..."

"...Yes, you're quite right," Vert agreed. "It seems to be a common problem with women that have busts larger than a C-cup... I assume that's why you're letting Chika massage you, Peashy?"

"It helps," Peach admitted solemnly. "Honestly, it's part of the reason I started working out my body, 'cause these damn things wouldn't stop growing..." The two Chikas couldn't help but chuckle at this. "Not to mention all the male students going through puberty, need I say more?"

"Oh no, I understand perfectly," Vert nodded. "I hope you didn't hurt them too badly..."

"Well, I never broke any bones, other than a nose or three... Chika, if you're not gonna continue my massage, could you please put my bra back on?"

"Oh, certainly," the other Chika nodded, re-fastening the strap so Peach could sit up without exposing herself. "Oh, and here's your shirt..."

"Thanks," Peashy grunted as she pulled said shirt over her head. "Lady Vert, no offense meant, but this Chika seems to imply you're being a little too harsh on her..."

"I call it 'tough love,'" Vert countered. "I believe I've already explained to you why..."

"Well, Lady Vert," the Hyperdimension Chika spoke up, "perhaps you could emphasize the 'love' part a bit more... th-that came out wrong, didn't it?" Her cheeks flushed a bit.

"Only if you're guilty of something more than sisterly love..." Peach muttered under her breath.

"W-what is that supposed to mean...?!" the other Chika gasped, her eyes shrunk to circles.

"N-nothing!" Chika insisted, "J-just unsavory rumors! Lady Vert and I have played some raunchy games together, b-but that's as far as it goes!"

"...I see. Well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt," Vert muttered with her eyes closed. "Though, I do remember glimpsing some games in my sister's library with some... suggestive titles."

"Yes, and some of those titles I've seen in your collection, sister!" the other Chika shot back. "Pot, meet kettle! Or perhaps I should say, it runs in the family!"

"Gah!" Vert jerked back in shock. "Ngh... well played, little sister. Well played indeed..."

"Make way for Pea!" a young voice shouted, as little Peashy abruptly ran into the room. "Hi, big sis! Neptuna told me you'd be here today!"

"Oh, hi there!" Peach greeted back with a smile.

"Why, Peashy! What a pleasant surprise!" Vert smiled widely as she picked up the five-year-old girl in her arms. "Even if I have a real sister now, it's always nice of you to visit...!"

Chika blinked, nonplussed. "W-wait, YOU'RE Peashy...?"

"That's me!" Young Peashy proclaimed with a grin. "Bert, stop hugging me so hard! Pea can't breathe!"

"But wait, if you're..." Chika pointed at Peashy, before her finger slid over to Peach. "And you're..." her eyes went wide as she tapped her cranium a few times... then the Oracle started to giggle, before progressing to uncontrollable belly-laughter. "Ah... ah ha ha ha... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my Goddess, it all makes sense now! That's why Lady Vert hired you! Because you're... AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!" Chika collapsed to the floor, tears in her eyes as she pounded the floor with one fist.

"What in the world has gotten into you?!" Vert grunted in disbelief.

"I second that!" the other Chika concurred.

"Green Lady's weird," little Peashy said.

"Yes she is," Peach nodded. "Of course, I figured out the real reason Lady Vert hired me a long time ago... How about we go play a four-player game while we wait for Chika to stop laughing?"

"OK!" Peashy cried enthusiastically. The others agreed as well, promptly following the blonde soldier out of the room...

*Episode 43- End*