The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy

Episode 45

by Derald Snyder

The little girl was panting hard as she ran through the streets of one the seedier districts in Leanbox City... Looking behind her, she saw the group of thugs in hot pursuit, quickly running around a corner to try and evade them-

Only to come face-to-face with a solid wall- she'd run into a dead-end alley. Turning around, her eyes went wide with fear as she realized the thugs had already blocked the way out. "No... stay away..." she whimpered, holding tightly to her doll.

"Now, now, we don't wanna hurt ya," the leader of thugs said. "After all, our clients don't like 'damaged goods.'"

"Wh-what clients?!" the girl demanded.

"Let's just say there're people out there who got an 'itch' that needs to be scratched," the thug replied. "And only things that can scratch that itch are little boys n' girls. Course, you're a little on the tall side, but I'm sure someone'll pay a pretty penny for ya..."

"Nooooooo!" the girl cried in terror.

"Hold it right there!" Another female voice shouted out, the group of thugs turning to see a white suit of military armor drop down a short distance away. "You leave her alone or else!"

"Or else what?" one thug challenged.

"Yeah, you and what army?" another taunted.

"The Leanbox Army, of course!" Peach retorted, which caused the group of criminals to burst into laughter.

"Those sad sacks of cannon fodder meat? Whatta joke!" the head thug gasped out between laughs. "Boys, take care o' this faker!"

"You got it, boss!" another thug said as he and his cohorts surrounded the soldier. "Don't think that armor's gonna help you against all of us!"

"Cannon fodder, huh?" Peach muttered. "Where I come from, them's fightin' words!" Suddenly, she whipped out her baton and spun in a 360-degree circle, knocking all the thugs down! She then kicked the man in front of her, sending him skidding a few feet! One thug jumped on her from behind, only for Peach to flip him over her shoulder and slam him to the ground! The armored soldier then made a wide swing with her baton, knocking down a few thugs who'd managed to regain their feet.

"Freeze!" one thug shouted as he pointed a gun in Peashy's face... only for the woman to grab his wrist and squeeze hard, the criminal crying out in pain as he dropped the gun and fell to his knees! Peach then nonchalantly tossed the thug into the air behind her, who crashed ungraciously into a nearby dumpster. Hearing another thug sneaking up from behind, she whipped around and lashed out with her fist, catching the man in the ribcage and sending him rolling away a fair distance, clutching his chest.

"Alright, that's enough!" the head thug shouted, Peashy turning to see him holding the little girl hostage with a pistol to her head! "Drop your weapon or she dies!"

Peach promptly dropped her baton and raised her hands. "You're making a big mistake, buddy..."

"You're the one who made the mistake, thinkin' you could play superhero!" the head thug retorted.

"...Do you even know who you're holding hostage?" the soldier shook her head. "That's the CPU of Planeptune from an alternate universe!"

The head thug just laughed at hearing that. "You honestly expect me to believe ya?"

"Aww, you don't believe Peashy~?" the girl abruptly spoke. "Okay then~, I'll show you myself..." She was suddenly engulfed in a pillar of light, repulsing the thug and knocking him on his rear end!

"Wh-what the?!" the criminal gasped as the light faded, revealing a purple-haired dominatrix with red power-symbol eyes. Said eyes looked upon the man with a mix of contempt and amusement... The thug tried to point his gun at the CPU, only to have his hand struck by a whip, the pistol flying away!

"You've been a bad boy..." Iris Heart smiled with evil anticipation. "So now, it's time for your punishment~" She cracked her whip menacingly, the head thug crying out in horror!

And so the torture session began, too horrifying to write on paper, the other thugs looking on in terror. "Booooss!"

"I'd run if I were you," Peach turned to face them, "before you become her next victims..."

"L-let's get outta here!" one thug cried, turning to flee, his cohorts soon following suit... only to be cut off by a fleet of police cars blocking the street! "Shit! It's the fuzz!"

"Go the other way!" another thug shouted, the group turning and running in the opposite direction only to stop as they were suddenly confronted with a group of military Jeeps!

"FREEZE! Leanbox Army!" cried Adrian as he stopped his vehicle, standing up and pointing an assault rifle at the thugs! "Keep your hands where I can see them! Down on the ground, now!"

"Dammit...!" One thug cried in despair, as he and the other criminals reluctantly obeyed.

"So what was that you were saying, about us being cannon fodder...?" Peashy taunted as she came up behind them, alongside a few policemen.

"W-we stand corrected...!" another thug grunted, as he and his cohorts were handcuffed.

"Suspects in custody," one NPC officer nodded in satisfaction, before wincing at hearing a whip-crack and the head thug's scream of pain. "Er, save one..."

Peach sighed as she facepalmed, before shouting, "All right, Plutia, I think he's learned his lesson...!"

"Aww, can't I play with him for a little longer~...?"

"Plutia..." Peashy said sternly.

Iris Heart heaved a sigh of disappointment. "Oh fine, you can have him..." She dragged her prey out of the alley by the whip, before pulling him up and handing him over to the police. "Look at it this way, gentlemen, he's already nice and broken for interrogation..."

"Yes, yes!" the man nodded vigorously, "I'll tell ya whatever ya want! Just don't let 'er get me again! I'm begging ya!"

"Alright, alright," the police officer sighed as he cuffed the thug, "You're under arrest on suspicion of child trafficking. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law..."

Peach nodded in satisfaction, before removing her helmet and pulling a hand through her ponytail. "Well, I guess that's mission accomplished... thanks for acting as the bait, Ploot," she said as the woman in question walked up to her.

"Oh, you are most welcome, dear Peashy," Iris Heart chuckled. "I always love an opportunity to give miscreants their just desserts..."

"I'm sure you do," Peashy deadpanned. "Anyway, would you mind going back to normal now... for Adrian's sake?" She pointed over to her boyfriend, who had dropped his firearm and was pressed into his seat in fear at the sight of his former torturer.

"Oh, if you insist," Iris sighed, promptly reverting to Plutia. "*yawn* Aaaanyway, Peashy, I think I'm gonna take a nap now~... night-night." She promptly curled up on the ground and fell asleep, hugging her Neptune doll.

"Uh..." one of the NPC officers sweat-dropped at the sight.

"Don't ask," Peach sighed as she bent down and picked up the sleeping goddess in her arms. "Just... don't ask." She then turned and walked over to Adrian's jeep, gently setting Plutia in the back seat and buckling the seat belt. "Could you take us back to the Basilicom now, Adrian?"

"Uh... yeah, sure," the soldier nodded, regaining his composure as he put his rifle away properly, before buckling his seat belt and starting the car, Peach joining him in the shotgun seat. "But next time, could you please tell me if you're gonna use Iris Heart as part of the sting operation?"

"Sorry, Adrian," Peashy winced. "I'll let you know next time, I promise..." With that, the trio drove off...

*Episode 45- End*