The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy
Episode 53
by Derald Snyder
"Ha-ha! Another victory!" Vert crowed in triumph as the last member of the enemy guild fell, signifying the completion of the raid. "Glory to the Verdant Knights!" The CPU allowed herself to lean back and relax, setting her controller in her lap... then she heard the door open. "Chika, is that yo-MMMPH!"
Her eyes popped open as a white cloth was shoved over her mouth and nose! (Chloroform!) she realized, but too late, as the fumes took effect, the busty blonde swiftly sliding into unconsciousness...
*Some time later...*
(Dammit, how the heck could I have let this happen?!) Peach thought to herself in abject frustration. She was currently sitting on the floor of the Basilicom's kitchen, her arms tied behind her back with thick rope, her legs bound at the ankles and knees as well. Two masked thugs armed with machine guns were keeping watch over her, occasionally speaking into a two-way radio.
Peach and Chika had been playing a fighting game together in the latter's room, when a strange metal ball had rolled in, releasing gas! The Oracle had fallen asleep almost immediately, but Peashy had resisted long enough to see several masked thugs break in, one bashing her in the head with the butt of his shotgun, sending her to dreamland as well. When she had awakened, the thugs made it clear that she should keep her mouth shut if she wanted to live to see another day. "At least tell me where Chika is!" she'd demanded, only getting the vague reply that she was 'safe for now.'
(What the heck do these guys want anyway?!) the blonde thought in frustration. The two men watching over her were wearing long, dark coats, no identifying marks or insignias anywhere, at least that she could notice. Returning her attention to the ropes binding her, she tested their strength by flexing her arm muscles... she smiled internally as she felt them give a little. (Should've tied me up with chains, you idiots...) Now she just needed a distraction...
"Hey, I think the broadcast is about to start," one of the thugs spoke up, switching on the plasma-screen TV, which showed a commercial which was suddenly cut off by static, soon clearing to show Vert tied up and tape-gagged, surrounded by several masked thugs!
"We are NS-15!" one thug declared, raising his machine gun. "You bastards in the Leanbox Army arrested our leader two weeks ago, so now we have captured yours!" The two thugs with Peashy turned to watch the broadcast. "Now, we offer a fair trade... our leader for yours! Bring him to the front door of the Basilicom unrestrained, and you shall have your precious Lady Vert back! Try anything funny, and she dies!"
"Mmmmph!" Vert shook her head in protest.
However, while the thug on-screen was making his demands, Peach was slowly stretching her arm bindings tighter and tighter... a muffled *snap* was heard. "What was that?!" the thug closer to Peach turned back to face her. "Hey, turn over and let me see your hands!"
"You wanna see my hands? OK!" With that, Peach rose up as her hands slid free of the ropes, grabbing the thug by his shirt before he could react, the soldier then lifting and throwing him into his comrade!
(Music- Nepgear Theme ver. V- Hyperdimension Neptunia Victory)
Though her legs were still bound, Peashy was able to crouch and spring at the thugs before they could right themselves, grabbing their heads and knocking them together once, twice, three times, the two men sliding bonelessly to the floor.
"Nighty-night, dirtbags," Peach grinned in triumph, quickly bending down and untying her legs. That done, she swiftly bound the thugs' arms with their own rope, before taking their machine guns and pulling out the stocks, tossing them into the corner. "I'll be borrowing these," she said as she lifted the guns backwards like baseball bats. (I dunno how to fire these, but if there's anything I've learned from my time in the army, they make pretty good bludgeons!)
Peach then quietly made her way to the door, cracking it open... there was no one else in sight. (If I'm gonna take these guys on, I need to get my armor,) she thought grimly. Sliding out the door and closing it behind her, she slowly crept down the hallway to where her armor was usually stashed when not in use... But then a thug walked out from around the corner! Acting quickly, Peashy threw one of her guns, knocking the thug's rifle out of his hands! She then ran forward and bashed his head with the other gun, the thug falling to the ground, Peach bashing him a few more times to make sure. Dragging his unconscious body out of sight, she unloaded the rifle and put the ammo in her shorts pocket before continuing on.
Fortunately, she was able to make it to her armor locker with no further incident... (They left this completely unguarded!) she smirked as she stashed the rifle ammo in said locker, before taking out her armor and quickly donning the chest piece, then the legs, then the arms, before finally putting on her helmet, taking care to make sure her ponytail was all the way inside. Now she was ready to take on NS-15 properly!
*Meanwhile, outside...*
Adrian and his strike team unit were hunkered down a few yards away from the Basilicom's rear entrance, seeing two armed thugs guarding the door. "Dammit, if only we had a distraction of some sort, we could take 'em down in a split second!" the petty officer lamented... if they tried to simply rush in guns blazing, it would potentially alert the NS-15 goons holding Vert, resulting in the goddess' demise! (Peach, please be okay...!)
"If a distraction is what you need, I can provide that," a contralto female voice spoke up, the soldiers turning to see none other than Purple Heart herself! "I saw the broadcast."
"L-Lady Neptune! How did you get here so fast?!" Adrian gasped in surprise.
"My Ultradimension counterpart," the HDD CPU explained. "I assume you are trying to sneak in without alerting the entire Basilicom?"
"That's right," Sergei nodded. "But just seeing you should be more than enough to distract those punks!"
"Very well, have your men get into position."
"You heard the lady," Adrian concurred, two sharpshooters quickly taking position to get clear shots. "On my mark, Lady Neptune!"
"Very well," the goddess nodded, swiftly flying into clear view. "NS-15, your time has come!"
"Holy shit! It's the Goddesses!" one thug gasped, as they pointed their guns in Neptune's direction, only for their heads to snap back as the sharpshooters found their mark, their dead corpses collapsing to the ground.
"Nice work, everyone," Adrian said in satisfaction. "Leave the rest to us, Lady Neptune!"
"So be it. I shall await the arrival of the other CPUs and inform them of the situation," Purple Heart agreed. "Of course, we will feel compelled to step in if you and your fellow soldiers... falter."
"Do not worry, we shall succeed or die trying!" Sergei affirmed.
"Alright, let's go!" Adrian ordered, the strike team cautiously approaching the doors, then opening them and heading inside...
*Inside the Basilicom, outside Chika's bedroom...*
Peach had been mildly surprised at the lack of resistance she'd encountered on the way up here... (Most of those goons must be guarding Lady Vert,) she mused. But as she approached Chika's room, she could hear male voices conversing. The armored soldier rushed to the stairwell leading to Vert's room, using it as a temporary hiding spot as the door opened.
"...gonna go check downstairs," a man's voice became clear. "And remember, no perverted stuff! We don't need rape charges added if this goes bad!"
"Yeah, yeah, I get it," another man responded from inside, the thug nodding and closing the door behind him, holding an assault rifle in his left hand. Fortunately, he didn't even bother to glance at the stairwell as he walked by, allowing Peach to come up and grab him from behind!
"You try to scream for help and I snap your neck," the blonde hissed as she put her arm around the thug's neck. "How many are in Chika's room?!"
"J-just the one," the man gasped out, fear evident in his voice.
"Is that the truth?!" Peashy's grip tightened.
"Yes! I swear it!" the thug rasped.
"Good boy. Take a nap." The soldier shifted her grip into the classic sleeper hold, the thug soon falling unconscious. Peach then took the stock out of his machine gun before quietly dragging him to the darkest corner of the hallway. Sneaking back up to the door to Chika's room, she put her ear to the door, hearing Chika's muffled cries of protest.
"Just 'cause he told me not to do anything perverted, doesn't mean I can't still take pictures!" the lone thug was heard saying, a camera click sound being heard, likely from his mobile device.
(No better time than now,) Peach decided, still holding the machine gun stock in her right hand as her left closed around the doorknob... she then swiftly opened the door, hurling the stock at the thug's head and nailing him! The blonde then leaped forward and tackled the pervert to the ground, punching him three times in the head to knock him out.
"Pshmmph!" Peach looked up to see Chika Hakozaki laying sideways on her bed, bound hand and foot with a piece of duct tape over her mouth, her skirt having been flipped up, exposing her panties. The blonde put a finger to her helmet, before pulling the tape off the Oracle's mouth. "You okay?" she whispered.
"Y-yes, I think so. What about Lady Vert?" the greenette asked as she was untied.
"Looks like she's being held by several thugs in her room," Peashy answered. Looking around, she spotted the thug's shotgun that had been laid aside, quickly retrieving it. "You know how to use this? 'Cause I sure don't..."
"Yes, I think I know how," Chika nodded, taking the gun from her co-worker. "But what are you going to do? You can't save Lady Vert all by yourself!"
"I know that. I'm gonna find a phone and call for backup," Peach asserted as she tied up the prone thug. "Keep an eye on him. And lock the door."
"O-okay. Good luck," Chika said as Peashy left...
As the soldier went back down the stairs, she was surprised as a group of Leanbox Army officers entered the hallway! "Guys, it's me!" she said as the soldiers reflexively pointed their firearms in her direction.
"Peach?! Oh man, am I glad to see you!" Adrian sighed in relief, as the others lowered their weapons upon recognition. "What's the situation?"
"I just rescued Chika, she's holding a thug at gunpoint in her room," the blonde explained. "Looks like the majority of that NS-15 is up in Lady Vert's room..."
"Yes, we saw some thugs laid out on the way up here," Sergei said. "Obviously your handiwork, eh?"
"You know it!" Peashy grinned under her helmet. "I was just trying to find a way to call for backup, but I guess I don't have to now!"
"Yeah, Lady Neptune's already here, and the other CPUs are likely on their way," Adrian stated. "But now that you've paved the way for us, we should be able to finish this by ourselves..."
"Right then, let's go!" Peach nodded, Adrian and the others following her...
*Soon, at the door to Vert's room...*
"We're only gonna have one shot at this," Adrian whispered. "If any of you need a moment, speak up now!" No response. "Peach, you ready?"
"Yeah," the blonde nodded, holding another confiscated gun stock in her hand. It wasn't as balanced as her baton, but it would serve.
"Alright, on the count of three..." Adrian said, counting '1,2,3,' with his fingers, before opening the door, Sergei rolling a flash-bang grenade inside!
*BLAM!* Immediately the strike team went into action, pouring through the doors and shooting down the NS-15 thugs with practiced precision! Peach herself swiftly stepped in and hurled her gun stock, nailing the thug next to the bound Vert in the head, allowing her fellow soldiers to tackle him to the ground!
"MMMMPH!" Vert jerked her head in a certain direction, the soldiers turning to see the last thug whip off his coat, revealing a vest covered in explosives!
Upon seeing the suicide bomber, Peach didn't freeze. Didn't think. She acted.
*BAM!*
*CRASH!*
The thug screamed in shock and pain as he was sent flying through the window, falling a fair distance before his suicide vest triggered, the resulting explosion rocking the Basilicom slightly!
Peashy gasped for breath, down on one knee as she looked at the shattered window she'd tackled the thug through, pulling off her helmet to gasp in more oxygen, trying to get her heart rate to calm down...
"Wow, nice work, Sergeant," an NPC soldier complimented as he held the lone surviving thug at gunpoint.
"Damn it to hell!" said thug lamented. "I told him not to stand next to that big window, but did he listen?! Nooooooo!" The gathered soldiers had a small laugh at the thug's expense as they untied Vert and removed her tape gag.
"Oi, you are not harmed, Lady Vert?" Sergei asked.
"Th-thank you, I'm fine," the blonde CPU nodded in relief.
"Vert, are you all right?!" a female voice said from outside the window, Peach looking up again to see Purple Heart, Black Heart, and White Heart floating outside.
"We saw the explosion," Black Heart clarified. "We feared the worst..."
"It would indeed have been Game Over, if Peach hadn't tackled him out the window," Vert said.
"Ah yes, the trademark Peashy Tackle," Purple Heart smiled. "Works every time... believe me, I know from experience." The three CPUs flew inside, reverting to their human forms.
Eyeing the lone surviving thug who was now being cuffed, Blanc stated, "Now did you really think pulling a stunt like this was gonna end well for you, asshole? If these guys didn't take you down, we most certainly would have!"
Ignoring her, the thug instead addressed Peach, "Just tell me one thing, how the hell did you get loose?!"
"Word of advice, bastard," Peashy smirked as she put a finger in the man's face, "You need a lot more rope than what you used to tie me down! I'm Lady Vert's bodyguard for a reason, you know! Adrian, read him his rights."
"You got it," her fiancee answered. As he and the other soldiers escorted the thug out, he recited, "You're under arrest for kidnapping, illegal weapons possession, and domestic terrorism. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney..."
"Well, all's well that ends well!" Neptune proclaimed with a wide grin.
"Indeed," Vert concurred with a relieved smile. "I can safely say that Peach has more than earned her paycheck today... I might even give her a raise for this."
"J-just doing my job, Lady Vert," the muscular blonde blushed. Besides, I couldn't have done it without Adrian and the others helping out..." Just then, Chika ran in, throwing her arms around Vert as she buried her face in the CPU's ample bosom.
"Oh big sister! Are you all right?! It must've been such a frightening experience!" the greenette sobbed. "I know it was for me... those thugs were a hair's width away from having their way with me when Peach burst in...!"
"Uh, Chika, there was ONE thug, and he was just taking shots of your panties," Peach corrected her. "In fact, I remember his partner saying point-blank NOT to rape you..."
"So you were exaggerating again, dear Chika?" Vert said, her tone both resigned and amused.
"Guess your Oracle's as much of a drama queen as ever, huh?" Noire snarked, causing the others to dissolve into laughter as Chika slid bonelessly to the ground, her face beet-red with embarrassment...
*Episode 53- End*