The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy
Episode 66
by Derald Snyder
*Overlord's Castle, Netherworld*
"All right! It's Episode 66, so that means it's our time to shine!" Etna declared, addressing Nepgya and the talking black cat. "So, we're gonna do something similar to last time, which means Nepgya causes mayhem while kitty sneaks into the other side of the city!"
"Am I still looking for Miss Rayna, meow?" the cat inquired.
"Eh, no. If she hasn't come back by now, she's either dead or been captured by the enemy," Etna shrugged in indifference. "What I want for you to do this time is let yourself be found by one of Green Heart's warriors, act all cute and have them take you in, so you can later strike and sabotage them from within!"
"But how will I know who to look for, meow?"
"WELL, IT WOULD BE PROBABLY ANYONE THAT KNOWS HOW TO FIGHT, AND IS NOT COVERED IN BLACK SHADOW," Nepgya supplied. "BUT YOU SHOULD AVOID THE SINGER KNOWN AS 5PB., SHE IS OUR PRISONER'S OLDER COUSIN."
"Wow, your knowledge of our enemy is quite extensive," Etna said, clearly impressed. "And on that note, I would hope you'd know when to cut your losses and run if things start going badly."
"UNDERSTOOD," Nepgya nodded. "I HAVE NO DESIRE TO END UP BACK IN THE JUNKYARD AGAIN..."
"Good robot! But one more thing before you go..." She handed Nepgya a pair of sunglasses. "That should keep people from freaking out from your face until you're ready to wreak havoc. All right Gatekeeper, transport these two to Leanbox City Stadium!"
"Of course, Miss Etna," the Cleric nodded, entering the coordinates, the gate swirling into existence. "But do try to keep your eyes and ears open for any sign of my fellow Cleric..."
"We'll see what we can do, meow," the cat promised. "OK, let's go, Nep-gear!"
"NEPGYA," the funny-face corrected as she slid on her sunglasses, before walking into the portal with her feline companion...
*Kids' Outdoor Play-Place, Leanbox City*
"17... 18... 19..." Peach counted off as she performed some one-handed push-ups in full armor. "C'mon, you guys, one more!"
A-Mac groaned as he just barely managed to complete push-up #20, before collapsing to the ground, now clad in full military armor identical to Adrian's. "So... heavy..."
"As if we have it much better," Chika grunted as she pulled herself up into a kneeling position. She and Nisa were clad in somewhat sleeker armor which was colored dark grey.
"Not to brag, but I probably could've done five more," Nicole stated as she stood up and stretched. "So where did you get this armor for us, Adrian? I thought they didn't allow women on the front lines..."
"They don't," the soldier stated bluntly, "that's how Peach got discharged. But to answer your question, it's actually a prototype that was developed for stealth operations, hence the dark color and sleeker design. But it ended up getting nixed due to the higher-ups determining that it wasn't cost-efficient enough for mass production..."
"So how did you acquire these?" Chika inquired curiously.
"Simple, I went to the commander-in-chief and asked him politely, explaining why I needed it. His response was basically, 'Fine, take them, not like we're using them for anything...'"
"I guess he still doesn't like you very much, huh?" Peashy sweat-dropped.
"Wait, so he's the reason you were never promoted?" A-Mac cut in.
"It's not a big deal, Arthur," Adrian shrugged. "At least he's stopped being outright antagonistic, after Lady Vert had a little *ahem* talk with him..."
"Oh, yes, Vert can be quite scary when angered," Chika nodded. "Believe me, I've seen it happen before, and those who are targets of her wrath are literally wetting themselves when she's through with them..."
"I can imagine," Peach nodded. "Anyway, Adrian, I'm seeing a minor problem here... with this armor on, it's kinda hard to tell you and A-Mac apart, not to mention Nisa and Chika..."
"...Yeah, that could be a slight conundrum," her fiancee agreed, "especially in the heat of battle..."
"Well, couldn't we just paint our armor different colors?" A-Mac suggested. "I've seen yellow variants of this armor in magazines before..."
"That could work," Adrian nodded. "I can have your suit re-painted yellow... And we could also re-paint Nicole's armor blue, to make it easier to tell her apart from Chika, in case she loses her scarf in battle..."
Nisa's hand unconsciously went up to her trademark red scarf tied around her neck. "...Well, I admit that there were some demons in the netherworld who tried to choke me with my own scarf... but I've learned to tie it in a way that if anyone tries that, it just pops right off. But yeah, blue's good for me... but if you're gonna be the leader, Adrian, you have to paint your armor red!"
"Huh...?" the green-clad soldier tilted his head in confusion. "Why red?"
"Because red is the color of heroism!" Nisa declared with a raised fist as her scarf flew in the wind. "And in any team of helmeted heroes, be it they wear armor or spandex, the leader is always red! No exceptions!"
"Are you serious about this, Nisa?" Chika asked incredulously.
"Dead serious!" the Hero of Justice nodded. "In fact, I'll go so far as to say, if Adrian doesn't paint his armor red, I'll quit the team!"
"Whaaa...?!" Adrian's jaw dropped.
"Forget it, Adrian. You're not gonna win this one," A-Mac shook his head. "When Nicole gets passionate like this, it's better to just roll with it."
"Look on the bright side, Adrian," Peach put a hand on his shoulder. "At least she's not demanding you wear pink or purple..."
"Ughhh... *sigh* Alright, alright. Red it is," Adrian conceded. "Anyway, we need to get on with our training! Let's try some sit-ups now, I want at least ten!"
*Meanwhile, nearby Leanbox City Stadium...*
Nepgya walked down the sidewalk, Etna's cat having already separated from her and vanished into the crowds. She kept silent, simply waving at passerby who mistook her for Nepgear.
"Oh, hello Lady Nepgear!" a black woman walked up to her. "Nice day, isn't it? I'm guessing you took a break from working on fixing your Nepgeardam to get some sunlight?"
Nepgya nodded slightly, before making a show of coughing, then pointing at her throat.
"Oh, you've got a cold and can't speak! What a shame," the woman shook her head. "Well, hopefully this sunlight does some good for you, honey! See you later!" She waved as she walked off, Nepgya returning the gesture before going on her way...
A few minutes later, the robot came upon a restaurant that had an outside area for patrons to eat. Perfect. Climbing over the fence, she walked up to a table where a young couple were chatting...
"Oh, good morning, Lady Nepgear!" The NPC woman greeted. "What brings you here?"
"Did you need us for something?" her husband asked.
Nepgya stared at the two for a moment, before suddenly whipping off her sunglasses, revealing her true face! "SURPRISE!" she cried as she activated her laser sword, chopping the table in half! The couple screamed as they jumped to their feet and ran, Nepgya then chopping off the back legs of the chair another NPC was sitting in, causing him to tumble to the ground!
"That's not Nepgear! It's a fake!" Another man pointed at her face. "RUN!"
"YES, THAT'S RIGHT! RUN, RUN AWAY!" Nepgya taunted as she continued to slice up tables and chairs, the customers screaming as they ran for their lives...
*A few minutes later...*
"Lady Vert," Chika's mobile device chirped as it played an 8-bit version of Vert's Theme.
"Oh dear. I'm sorry, Adrian, but I must take this call," the Oracle said as she removed her helmet and armored gloves, walking over to her phone.
"That's fine," Adrian nodded. "It's Lady Vert, after all..."
"Could it be an attack by Etna's demons?" Nisa pondered.
Peashy shook her head. "If that were the case, wouldn't she have called me instead?"
"What?!" Chika gasped. "Lady Vert, that can't be right! Hold on, I'll put you on speaker!" She pressed the speaker button and walked over to the group.
"Can you all hear me?" Vert's voice was heard.
"Copy, Lady Vert! What's the sitrep?" Adrian asked.
"Well, I just saw a news report about little Nepgear terrorizing the citizens!" the goddess cried, her voice distraught. "But there must be some mistake! She would never do such a thing!"
"...It's Nepgya," Peach realized. "She's a copy of Nepgear with a funny-face expression!"
"A doppelgänger?!" Chika gasped.
"Wait a minute, I thought that was something you made up for that home movie you and Arthur did!" Adrian said, confused.
"Oh no, she's real!" A-Mac shook his head. "I saw her with my own eyes! And Dad and Mom and my sisters can back me up on that!"
"I hadn't seen her since I tossed her into that dump truck!" Peach mused. "Guess she must've finally dug herself out of the landfill..."
"If what you say is true, then we must stop her rampage! Peach, Adrian, if it's not too much trouble, would you head over to the stadium and try to intercept her? I'll transform and join you as soon as I can..."
"Roger that, Lady Vert! That funny-face won't be wreaking havoc much longer!" Peach promised.
"Well, do try to not just rush in, Peach," the goddess cautioned. "It won't do to have my bodyguard winding up in the hospital for a third time..."
"Don't worry, Lady Vert, I'm with her this time, so I'll stop her from doing anything too rash!" Adrian asserted.
"I'm not that bull-headed..." Peashy facepalmed. "But yes, I'll be careful."
"That's good to hear," Vert replied. "All right, move out, you two!"
"Wilco, Lady Vert! Adrian and Peach out!" the petty officer declared.
"Good luck, Lady Vert!" Chika encouraged before hanging up.
"So what are we supposed to do then?" Arthur asked.
"You three are staying right here," Adrian stated firmly. "Try running five laps around the park in your armor. If you've still got gas in the tank after that, try and make it ten laps! But don't overdo it, either!"
"Okay then!" Nisa agreed. "You go and give that fake Nepgear some harsh justice!"
"We will!" Peach nodded. "Let's go, Adrian! Move it!"
"Right!" Adrian said as he and Peashy got into his Jeep and buckled up, revving the engine and driving off...
"And so, a short while after...*
"FREEZE! Police!" An officer shouted as he and several others confronted Nepgya with their weapons drawn. "Drop your weapon and keep your hands where we can see them!"
"OH DEAR. MY PROGRAMMING COMPELS ME TO OBEY LAW ENFORCEMENT," the robot said as she promptly dropped her laser blade and raised her hands in the air. "THAT BEING SAID..." Her round eyes suddenly glowed, before unleashing twin lasers which blew up a police cruiser, sending the officers scattering! "YOU NEVER SAID NOT TO USE MY LASER-EYES! OH HO HO HO HO!"
"Dammit!" The officer grunted as he and his fellow policemen retreated behind the burning wreckage. "We're not equipped to fight laser-shooting robots...!"
"One of Lady Nepgear's inventions, I'll bet!" another policeman said. "You'd think she'd learn by now not to have them go berserk and cause tons of property damage...!" Just then, they heard an engine revving behind them, turning to see Adrian and Peach drive up in their Jeep.
"Looks like it's already heating up, no pun intended," Adrian observed as he and his fiancee unbuckled and got out. "Officer! What's the situation?"
"Looks like you're in over your heads," Peach added.
"Well, sure as hell weren't expecting that robot to have lasers for eyes!" the officer responded, flinching as another car was blown up, sending several into retreat.
"Wait, robot?!" Peach gasped. "I thought she was a clone of Nepgear...! That's what she told me when we first met!"
"Maybe she meant clone in the general sense, not necessarily the genetic sense," Adrian pointed out.
"You've fought with her before?" the officer inquired.
"Not exactly fought with her..." Peashy mused. "She was more of a troll and prankster than anything... Anyway, how are we gonna move in? I can't just rush in or else I'll get blasted with lasers!"
"Simple, we need to knock her off balance first," Adrian said as he pulled out a grenade...
"COME ON OUT, YOU CHICKENS!" Nepgya taunted from the other side of the burning police cars. "AREN'T YOU GOING TO TRY AND ARREST ME?" She got a response as something round flew from behind the fire, bouncing once and rolling to a stop in front of her. "A GRENADE?!" She quickly backed off, only for the 'grenade' to pop open with a fake 'BOOM!' on a spring! "WHA- A FAKE?" she regarded the fake-out curiously, only to hear two 'tinks', suddenly realizing there were two more grenades on her flanks! "UH-OH."
*KA-BOOM!* The double explosion knocked Nepgya off her feet, her face covered in soot and clothes slightly burnt. Falling on her back, the robot saw a white suit of military armor coming down at her, fist cocked! She just barely rolled out of the way before her assailant made contact, quickly righting herself. "WAS THAT YOU THAT THREW THOSE?"
"That'd be my partner!" a female voice said from beneath the helmet, whipping out a baton and swinging, Nepgya barely dodging backwards, then backflipping to get some distance. "This time you've gone too far, Nepgya!"
"VOICE RECOGNITION MATCH... YOU!" Nepgya realized. "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TOSSED ME IN THAT DUMP TRUCK! AH, HOW CONVENIENT, I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOME REVENGE!" she said as she brandished her laser blade.
"You should've stayed in the junkyard!" Peach shot back. "And now that I know you're a robot, I'll have no hesitation ripping you limb from limb!"
"YOU CAN TRY!" Nepgya taunted as she swung her laser sword, Peashy ducking and blocking the follow-up swing by pushing her baton against her opponent's wrists. The bodyguard then pressed a button on her baton, causing Nepgya to receive a severe shock! "GAH! A SHOCK BATON!" she cried as she broke away and backed off, holding her blade in a defensive stance. "CLEVER TRICK, BUT DON'T THINK YOU CAN SHORT-CIRCUIT ME THAT EASILY!"
"Oh we're just getting started!" Adrian declared as he ran up, activating his energy blade. "Let's see if you can fight as well as the original Nepgear!"
"OF COURSE I CAN, SHE WAS THE ONE WHO BUILT ME TO BEGIN WITH," Nepgya stated.
"So you lied to me when we first met," Peach muttered under her breath. "Should've known..."
"Very well then, en garde!" Adrian cried as he charged forward, his blade clashing with Nepgya's...
*Meanwhile, in another part of the city...*
Etna's cat was wandering through the alleys, making sure to stay on all fours, so no one would suspect that she was sentient... However, her mission so far had been fruitless, as the only people she'd encountered were black-shadowed NPCs. (You'd think it'd be easy to find one of the goddess' warriors, based on what the robot told me...)
"Aww, what a cute little kitty!" A feminine voice spoke up behind the cat, causing her to yelp in surprise. Quickly whirling around, she saw a woman with short orange hair, matching eyes with music notes for pupils, E-cup sized breast, and armed with three different-sized swords. "Where'd you come from, huh? Come here... C'mon, I won't hurt you!"
The cat made a show of approaching cautiously, sniffing at the woman's outstretched hand, before licking it. MarvelousAQL couldn't help but giggle as she gently petted the kitty's head.
"You don't have a collar... are you a stray?" the kunoichi wondered. "Well, I could take care of you for a while... wanna come with me?"
"Mew!" the cat made a happy face, letting herself be picked up by Marvy, purring in delight.
"Hmmm... I can't just keep calling you 'kitty'," the redhead mused. "I should give you a name... how about 'Felicia'?"
"Rowr!" the black cat shook her head in disapproval.
"Oh, you don't like that? What should I call you, then?"
"Meow, meow!" the cat pointed at her long tail.
"Huh? Your tail? Hmm..." Marvy's brow furrowed in thought. "Longtail? No, that doesn't sound right... Oh! How about Blacktail?"
"Mew, mew!" the cat nodded.
"Okay then! Blacktail it is!" the busty ninja girl proclaimed happily. "Come on, Blacktail, I'll get you some tuna fish to eat!"
The newly-named Blacktail mewed and purred in contentment... while inwardly smirking. Mission accomplished.
*Back at the Basilicom...*
"So bored..." Sicily sighed as she stretched, wandering aimlessly through the rooms and hallways. Although Vert had given her a small stack of video games to play with while she was gone, she'd been forced to stop when her eyes started hurting from staring at the screen for too long. (Hopefully Miss Vert isn't gone too long...)
Soon, however, the demon angel found herself staring at a door with a piece of paper reading 'NO ENTRY' taped to it. Sitting next to said door was a slumbering Sergei Johnson, idly gripping his handgun in his right hand. "Hello...? Are you awake, Mr. Soldier?" she asked, getting a slight snore in response.
"Sicily!" a voice called from behind the door.
"Huh?" the young girl gasped in surprise. "Wh-who's there...?"
"It's me, Rayna!"
"Rayna?!" Glancing at the sleeping Sergei, Sicily quietly unlocked the door and slipped inside. Sure enough, it was the brown-haired fallen angel herself, chained to the wall in a crucifix position. "Rayna! What happened?!"
"Hssst!" the brunette shushed her. "Keep your voice down! You wanna wake that guy up?!"
"Oh, right," Sicily lowered her voice as she quietly closed the door behind her. "Nisa told me you were defeated, but she never said they captured you..."
"Forgot to check my six," the Cleric groaned, "and got my head literally pounded into the pavement for it... But wait, how'd you get here? Did they capture you too?"
"Nuh-uh," Sicily shook her head. "I got mailed to the wrong address... again." Then an idea occurred to her. "Rayna, why can't you just call for the Gatekeeper to bring you back?"
"I could if I would. You see that thing there?" Rayna motioned with her head, Sicily turning and seeing a black device with green lights that was vaguely football-shaped. "They call it a dimensional anchor. Basically, as long as that thing's active, I'm not going anywhere..." She turned her head back to her fellow angel. "But now that you're here, maybe you can destroy it and we can escape back to the Overlord's castle!"
"OK!" Sicily nodded, walking up to the device and taking out her hammer... but she hesitated.
"What are you waiting for?!" Rayna hissed.
"I-I'm worried... what if, when I break this thing, it causes a dimensional vortex that sends us who-knows-where?!"
The Cleric groaned as she hung her head in exasperation. "Then just... break that window nearby and throw it out through there! That should be good enough!"
"OK! I can do that!" Sicily nodded, picking up the dimensional anchor and carrying it over to the window. Setting it down, she took out her hammer and wound up... the first blow only cracked the glass a bit, but the second blow shattered it... setting off klaxons!
"Shit! It was rigged with an alarm sensor!" Rayna cried. Sure enough, the noise awoke Sergei on the other side of the door!
"Oy! What is going on in there?!" the gunnery sergeant yelled as he opened the door, his firearm at the ready...
"Berry Barrier Balidare!" Sicily intoned, causing Sergei to plow into a circular barrier. That done, she quickly picked up the dimensional anchor and tossed it out the broken window! "It's done! Hurry, Rayna!"
"Dimensional Gatekeeper! Get us outta here!" the fallen angel yelled at the top of her lungs. A few terse seconds passed... then the gate slowly materialized. "Ha! It worked! Grab on, Sicily!"
"Dammit, NO!" Sergei yelled as he tried to shoot the barrier, only for the bullet to ricochet and graze his shoulder! "Argh!"
"Tell Miss Vert and Nisa thanks for treating me so well!" Sicily gave her farewell.
"So long, sucker!" Rayna added as she and the demon angel were sucked into the gate, leaving her empty chains behind.
"NOOOO! Nyet, nyet, nyet!" Sergei cried in despair as he pounded on the barrier... only to face-plant as it abruptly gave out. "Nnngghh... Adrian, comrade, I have failed you..."
*To be continued...*