The Misadventures of Hyperdimension Peashy
Episode 70
by Derald Snyder
*Leanbox Basilicom*
"Armored Rangers reporting for duty!" Adrian, Peach, Nisa and A-Mac strode into the room, saluting.
"At ease, you four," Vert gently ordered. "MAGES. has informed me that her teleporter is nearly ready for use..."
"Indeed it is," the Mad Magician affirmed, Chika standing between her and Vert, also clad in her armor. "I've finished calibrating the teleporter to compensate for any buildings or walls in the area, so you don't become one with a wooden plank or slab of concrete due to a misfire... There's just one minor problem left to deal with..."
"I'm almost afraid to ask what that is," A-Mac muttered uncertainly.
"Can you explain it in a way that doesn't break the brains of C-grade average people here?" Peach requested in an almost deadpan manner.
"Of course. It's quite simple, actually," the bluenette stated. "Basically, when you transport to your destination, you'll actually end up anywhere from six inches to a whole foot above the ground, which will result in you collapsing in a heap. The problem is, when I try to compensate for that, the test dummies either end up with their legs buried in the ground, or sawed off outright if the ground is solid rock."
"Well, that's not good," Arthur grunted.
"Well, what if we jumped at the moment of teleporting?" Peach suggested. "Then we'd come down on our feet, right?"
"But what if the terrain is uneven?" Chika spoke up. "If you're not ready for that, you could go tumbling or even sprain your ankle..."
"Wait, I know!" Nisa snapped her fingers. "What if we did a forward flip when we teleport? That way, if the terrain's sloped or whatever, we can just roll along the ground and come up on our feet!"
"...That might just work," Adrian nodded.
"So what about making a device to put us in our armor el quicko?" Arthur then asked.
"I'm working on that as we speak," MAGES. affirmed. "I can get the individual pieces of the armor to appear on the mannequin so far, but they don't match up when I try to do them all at once... for example, the right arm piece will end up on the left arm, or even the left leg! Even the helmet appears backwards on the head sometimes!"
"Well, maybe instead of trying all at once, maybe you could make them materialize one at a time in rapid succession? Like boom, boom, boom!" Nicole gestured with her arm with each repetition to get her point across.
"Hmm... I could try that instead," MAGES. nodded. "I will go and recalibrate at once..." But then, an alarm sounded!
"What's going on?!" Peashy gasped. "Is the Basilicom under attack?!"
"No, that's an alert beacon I had MAGES. set up that's connected to the Internep," Vert explained. "It's designed to go off when a news item containing the words 'demon', 'Etna', or 'Rangers' is posted on social media." Picking up her mobile device, she checked Chirper... "What's this? Prism Rangers...?"
"Prism Rangers?!" Nisa gaped in shock. "What does it say about them?"
"Apparently they dropped down out of nowhere, made some strange speech about justice, then started attacking the civilians!"
"What?! Gimme that!" the Hero of Justice promptly snatched the phone out of Vert's hand. "...No way. I dunno who these guys are, but they are NOT Prism Rangers!"
"What makes you say that?" Adrian asked.
"Because I'm good friends with their leader, Prism Red! He would never do something like this!" Nicole insisted. "Not to mention, the story describes only five of them! The Prism Rangers have a seven-man team, with all the colors of the rainbow!"
"It's gotta be a trap!" A-Mac realized. "Etna's trying to draw you out, Nisa! That's the only explanation!"
"Where are they attacking at?" Chika inquired.
"Uh... it says Riverside Park," Nicole checked the phone again, then handed it back to Vert. "Alright, let's get going!"
"Hold it!" Peach cried out. "What part of 'it's a trap' don't you understand?! They've probably got some secret weapon to take us down if we just charge in! Like Nepgya and her eye-lasers!"
"Then perhaps we should utilize MAGES.'s transporter," Chika suggested. "After all, we came to the scene in our vehicles last time... but if we teleport there instead, we may be able to catch them off guard..."
"Yeah, and teleporting's faster, so we could catch 'em before they finish setting up their trap!" A-Mac added.
"Is the transporter ready to be used now?" Vert turned to the Mad Magician.
"It most certainly is!" MAGES. nodded with a smile. "I can only transport one at a time, but I should be able to warp you all there in rapid succession!"
"Let's just hope it doesn't burn out the teleporter," Peach grunted.
"Fear not, for I have already put it through a rapid-fire stress test! Never underestimate the genius of the Mad Magician! Fuahahahaha!"
"OK then!" A-Mac pumped a fist. "It's Armor Time!"
Everyone turned to look at him. "...Armor Time?"
"W-well, we're the Armored Rangers, right?" The young man seemed to wither under all the stares.
"...It's not half bad for a battle cry," Nisa mused.
"Whatever! We're wasting time! Let's get going already!" Peashy yelled...
*Riverside Park, Leanbox City*
People screamed and ran for their lives as they were chased by five people clad in face-covering helmets and spandex bodysuits, colored red, yellow, blue, green, and purple respectively. The red one had a broadsword in hand, the purple one wielded a spear, while the other three simply used what they could get their hands on, like chairs or skateboards...
Just then, a light flashed at the top of some stairs, Red Grizzly emerging in a forward flip, rolling down said stairs before reaching a platform and standing straight. Four more successive flashes followed, discharging the other four Rangers.
"All right, it worked!" Yellow Tiger proclaimed.
"Hey, look, over there!" White Gorilla pointed, the others turning to see the red-clad 'Prism Ranger' threatening an NPC teenager with his sword.
"Oh no you don't!" Blue Falcon yelled as she opened fire with her Prinny Gun, hitting the 'Ranger' in the back and causing him to stumble, the NPC quickly scrambling away.
"What the...? Ah, so you've arrived! A bit faster than expected, but..." 'Prism Red' spoke in a deep voice. Putting a finger and thumb to his mouth, he whistled sharply. "Prism Rangers, assemble!" The others swiftly abandoned what they were doing, running to regroup with their leader.
"You don't stand a chance against us!" 'Prism Yellow' taunted.
"You wanna bet on that?!" White Gorilla shot back.
"You'll pay for mocking the Prism Rangers!" Blue Falcon exclaimed with an outstretched pointer finger. "In the name of justice, we'll expose you for the fakes you are!"
"We'll see who the fakers are, Nisa!" 'Prism Blue' pointed back in mockery.
"GET THEM!" 'Prism Red' ordered, the other 'Rangers' running up to attack their counterparts.
"JUSTICE KICK!" Nisa yelled as she kicked 'Blue' down the stairs.
'Prism Yellow' leapt into the air with an outstretched foot, only for Yellow Tiger to easily roll away! "Too slow!"
Meanwhile, Red Grizzly activated his laser blade and charged at 'Prism Red'! "En garde!" he proclaimed as his weapon clashed with the other's sword...
"Uh... so who do we go after?" Black Raven pondered.
"I'll take the green one, you take purple?" White Gorilla suggested.
"Sounds good to me!" Thus, the two remaining Rangers charged into battle...
"C'mon! Is that all you got?!" 'Prism Yellow' taunted as Yellow Tiger swung at her again and again, missing every time. "You look like you're standing still!"
"Argh!" A-Mac grunted as his opponent danced around him like a ballerina. (Dang it, she's too fast!)
"Whee!" 'Prism Yellow' jumped high into the air, hitting the Ranger in the back with a double-footed kick, sending him to the ground. "How lame! Is that all you got?" Yellow Tiger could only grit his teeth as he pulled himself back up, once again grateful for his armor taking the brunt of that blow...
"Hyah!" Blue Falcon lashed out with a high kick, only to miss and have her other leg swept out from under her!
"You're too flashy, Nisa!" 'Prism Blue' declared as he tried to kick his opponent, only for her to roll away and right herself. "I've watched videos of you fighting in the netherworld, I know all your moves inside and out!"
"Too flashy? Guess I'll have to keep it simple, then!" Nicole said as she charged in with a left straight, only to get blocked, then thrown over her opponent's shoulder! Before could get up, 'Prism Blue' had pinned her to the ground with knee, before twisting her arm painfully behind her back, causing her to scream in pain!
"NICOLE!" A-Mac screamed as he charged down the steps toward the two, using the momentum to power a forceful kick that knocked the fake ranger off Nisa! "You leave her alone!"
"Wow, thanks, Arthur... I owe you one," Blue Falcon grunted as she got up, nursing her sore arm.
"You wanna repay me? Take care of that jumping yellow lady!" her boyfriend suggested. Sure enough, 'Prism Yellow' was soaring through the air towards them!
"You got it!" Nisa agreed, leaping upward and intercepting the fake with a kick to the face!
"Why you...!" 'Prism Blue' growled at Arthur, charging at him with fist cocked, only for his new opponent to lock up 'Blue's' right arm with his left, then delivering a few body blows with his other fist!
"Spandex doesn't offer much protection, does it?!" Yellow Tiger taunted as he hit 'Prism Blue' with an uppercut which knocked off his helmet, revealing a middle-aged face with pointed ears and silver hair tightly tied back. "And that's definitely not the face of a hero!" he cried as he kicked 'Blue' in the chest, making him stumble back.
"Argh!" The demon cried as he lashed out with a roundhouse, A-Mac dodging backwards, then pulling out the baton his sister had given him as he feinted a left straight, then smacking the fake ranger in the head with an overhead swing, then kicking him back into the fence dividing the ledge from the water!
"Double Shadow!" 'Prism Yellow' cried as she split into two, then charged at Nisa from both sides- only both copies to end up punching each other in the face!
"I've seen that one too many times!" Blue Falcon stated as she grabbed both copies' heads and knocked them together, incidentally causing her opponent to remerge into one again. "Like I said, keep it simple!" She then hit 'Yellow' with her own variation of the Triple Strike, giving her a blow to the ribs, then sending her into the air with an uppercut, finishing with a flip-kick that sent her flying-
-right on top of 'Prism Blue' as he tried to get up from A-Mac's assault, the impact knocking them both out!
"Bluuuuuue! Yelloooooooww!" 'Prism Green' cried in dismay, turning away from Peach... big mistake.
"And when you mix them together, what do you get? GREEEEEEEEEEN!" White Gorilla yelled as she hit 'Green' with a massive uppercut that sent him flying through the air, ending up in the water with a big splash!
"Dammit, we're losing!" 'Prism Purple' grunted as his spear clashed with Black Raven's.
"And so will you!" Chika asserted. "I've been taught by Lady Vert herself! You stand no chance!" As if to prove her point, she swung and easily knocked her opponent's spear out of his hands! 'Purple' managed to catch Chika's spear between his arm and body as she thrust again, only to get tossed head over heels! Black Raven then struck with a Rainy Ratnapura attack, several tears appearing in the fake ranger's spandex as he was thrown into a nearby wall, slumping down in defeat.
Now only 'Prism Red' remained, avoiding Adrian's thrust with his energy blade, then swinging low with his broadsword, knocking him to the ground! Red Grizzly was barely able to block the fake's overhead swing, straining for a moment, then managing to bring his leg up and kick 'Red' in the shoulder, forcing him to back off long enough for Adrian to right himself. The two then clashed again, 'Prism Red' managing to put a scratch in Adrian's chest armor, however the Ranger's leader managed to catch 'Red's' next swing between the double-prongs of his blade, before twisting and pushing down and to the side, chopping the broadsword in half! "Well, shit," 'Prism Red' muttered...
"I'm coming, Adrian!" Peashy yelled as she charged in with her trademark full-body tackle, sending the fake ranger flying through the air and tumbling into a grassy field!
"Ah, forget this!" the demon growled as he got up, tossing his wrecked weapon aside and literally ripping the spandex off his body, revealing gray-purple skin underneath! He then removed his helmet and threw it away, revealing white spiky hair and sunken black eyes. "It's time I faced you as myself!"
"Uh-oh, a Majin," Nisa observed as she and the other Armored Rangers regrouped. "Be careful! They're pretty much the strongest breed of demons in the netherworld!"
"Yes, and now I shall prove why!" said Majin declared, swiftly pounding the ground with his fist, causing a minor earthquake that made the heroes stumble about! "And now, Quintuple Shot!" He split into five copies, each shooting energy beams that blasted the Armored Rangers to the ground!
"Argh! He's the secret weapon!" A-Mac realized as he and the others struggled to get up!
"And now I'll finish you!" the Majin cried as leapt toward the group, his fist glowing with power...
"Shiver Beam!" An artificial sun appeared in the sky, blasting the demon back to earth with multiple beams of light! As he picked himself up, he saw a familiar face... "I hope you don't mind my interference."
"MAGES.!" the Rangers gasped in surprise.
"You! The human prisoner!" the Majin growled as he got back to his feet. "Do you have any idea how much trouble I got in because of your escape?!"
"Fuahahaha! You are not the first to have underestimated the resourcefulness of the Mad Magician!" the bluenette taunted. "Now burn in the flames of hell! Conflagration Dust!" The Majin screamed as he was engulfed in walls of flame in the shape of an X, which soon progressed to an outright flame pillar! "That's what you get for denying me my Duck P! Now, Rangers! Strike!"
"I got this!" White Gorilla asserted, charging in as soon as the flames dissipated, cocking back her left fist. The Majin put up his arms to block the punch, only for Peach to change direction and smash him in the stomach instead, following up with an uppercut that snapped the demon's head back, then beginning to weave her head back and forth...
"Ah! That move...!" Yellow Tiger gasped. "Th-that's the Dempsey Roll! She never told me she knew how to do that!" Sure enough, Peashy began to slam in punches from left and right, the Majin's snapping this way and that from the repeated blows, Peach finishing with another uppercut that sent him flying!
But before the Majin could hit the ground, a red-gloved hand grabbed him by the hair! "I think that's enough from you, you pathetic failure," the hand's owner stated disdainfully. "How could you get your ass kicked by mere mortals? Be thankful you've got your day job to fall back on!"
"Rayna!" Nisa cried in recognition.
"Hey," the fallen angel gave a two-fingered salute. "Good thing I decided to monitor this guy, in case things went sideways... though I didn't expect such powerful magic out of this one," she glanced over at MAGES..
"Yes, now you see what I'm capable of with a full stomach!" the Mad Magician said with a smirk. "And those weren't even my strongest attacks!"
"You don't say," Rayna deadpanned as she flew up a few yards, the dimensional gate materializing behind her. "Alright, you loser, get in there!" she said as she tossed the defeated Majin through the portal. "And as for you..." she suddenly materialized two energy lances in her hands, the Rangers taking a defensive stance...
"Hey, wait for us!" a voice called from behind the humans, who turned to see the other four 'Prism Rangers' running up. "Don't leave us behind!"
"And you four are even more pathetic!" the evil Cleric growled as she suddenly hurled her energy lances at the demons, impaling them two-by-two! "I deliver a message from Master Etna: You have failed me for the last time!" With that, she snapped her fingers, the lances detonating and blasting the fake rangers into bloody oblivion! "Heh, I always wanted to say that."
"Aaahhhhh!" Chika and A-Mac both cried in shock.
"Damn you, Rayna!" Blue Falcon screamed as she opened fire with her Prinny Gun, only for the fallen angel to retreat through the dimensional gate, which vanished soon after.
"Well, that was brutal," Red Grizzly deadpanned.
"H-how pointless and cruel, to slay your own minions like that!" Black Raven stammered in anger and disgust.
"Indeed, what a waste," MAGES. agreed. "She could have used them for something else, you would think..."
"Yeah, well, thanks for pulling our buns outta the fire!" Yellow Tiger sighed in relief. "Good thing you decided to follow us..."
"Indeed," the Mad Magician concurred. "It was quite satisfying to get some vengeance against my former jailer... though you seemed to be doing quite well up to that point."
"Question is, how do we get back?" White Gorilla asked.
"It's fine, Peashy," Adrian assured his fiancee. "I'll just give Sergei a call and have him pick us up."
"...Perhaps I should develop a recall function for the transporter," MAGES. mused...
*Overlord's Castle*
"So what do you have to say for yourself?" Etna addressed the Majin who was kneeling before her. "I gave you a chance to redeem yourself, and you get your ass kicked by that very same magician-scientist that humiliated you in the first place!"
"And then you get beaten up by a magic-less human," Rayna piled on.
"What's going on here?" Laharl suddenly interrupted. "Did I hear something about this Majin losing to humans?!"
"Oh yes you did, Prince," Etna turned to face him without missing a beat. "You see, after that human prisoner escaped, it dawned on me that this Majin might've gotten a bit sloppy... So I sent him out into the field to prove to me that he still had it, but sadly, he failed."
"A thousand apologies, Prince Laharl!" The Majin pleaded as he bowed his head to the floor. "Please, I beg of you, spare my wretched existence!"
"I think you should give him another chance, Big Brother," Sicily spoke up from behind Laharl. "He seems really sorry for failing you..."
"Oh, fine," the Overlord caved. "We'll just put this guy through an exercise regimen or something to get him back in shape. Speaking of which... Etna, do you know what happened to those Brawlers we just recruited?"
"Oh yeah, sent 'em out alongside this guy," the redhead responded. "But seeing as they didn't come back..."
"I saw what happened," Rayna spoke up. "They fought valiantly but died horribly. Even my healing magic couldn't save them. Oh, such a tragedy," she feigned wiping away a tear.
"If they couldn't hold their own against humans, that means they were useless anyway," Etna pointed out.
"...I guess so," Laharl shrugged. "Oh well, maybe the next batch will do better. Anyway, I'll leave this prison guard's re-training to you, Etna." With that, he turned and walked away.
"Oh, I'll be sure to put this guy through the grinder," Etna stated with a wide grin.
"Don't push him too hard, Etna!" Sicily cautioned as she followed her brother out of the room.
"Oh no, that's what I'm here for," Rayna said as she laid a hand on the Majin's shoulder. "I'll take gooooood care of him."
The prison guard could only emit a weak, fearful whimper as sweat beaded on his brow...
*Episode 70- End*