Disclaimer: see part 1.

Touch'

By Random1377

Part 2 – Awakenings and Anger

Shinji was roused from his slumber by a gentle nudge.  He mumbled and tried to roll away from the source of the irritation, but his progress in the opposite direction was halted by the presence of a certain blue-headed Miss Ayanami – Rei, to him… especially after the previous night.  He opened his eyes and smiled at the sleeping girl, thinking how beautiful she looked in the pale, early-morning light.

The smile froze on his lips as the nudge repeated itself, the cold hard feel of metal sharply contrasting the warm soft feel of her breath on his neck.  He swallowed and carefully rotated his eyes to face the nudger.

Shinji's eyes widened as he found himself staring down – or rather, up – the long barrel of a silenced pistol held by none other than his father, Gendou Ikari.  Shinji drew a breath to speak, but Gendou took one hand from the pistol and laid a finger against his lips, whispering, "You would not want to wake the First Child with a lot of needless screaming, now would you?"

The boy slowly shook his head, his eyes wide as his bottom lip trembled – trying to form the words 'don't hurt her – whatever you do to me, just promise you won't hurt her' but finding speech impossible.

Gendou's lips quirked into an almost-smile. "Excellent." He eased the hammer of the gun back, all traces of a smile now gone. "Explain yourself, Third Child.  I can see," his eyes flicked to the bundle of discarded sheets in the corner, "that I am too late to stop you from defiling her, but I will know the reason behind your attack before I reprimand you."

Shinji winced, the title of 'Third Child' hitting him like a slap. My father… he thought hysterically, I'm going to be killed by my own father!  He collected himself and spoke in as calm a voice as he could muster, "Rei… Rei invited me… here…"

Gendou's eyes narrowed and his voice filled with ice. "It would be most unwise for you to lie to me."  He depressed the trigger halfway, and a small red dot appeared on Shinji's forehead. "The truth this time, if you please."

Shinji did not know much about guns, but he figured that ANY caliber bullet would kill him at this range, and he had nowhere to go… not that he would leave Rei alone in that situation in any case.

Fortunately, he was saved from the unenviable question of 'which lie will NOT get me killed' by the timely awakening of his new lover.  Pulling his eyes away from the gun, he turned to face her as she yawned and snuggled closer to him, meeting her eyes as they slowly slid open.  "Good morning…" she whispered, kissing his trembling lips.  She blinked as he looked away, focusing his attention on something behind her. "What is the…" she trailed off as she looked past Shinji, taking in the additional person in the room.  "Commander Ikari, why are you here?" she asked, her voice altogether too calm, in Shinji's opinion. 

He risked a look at his father, and almost fell out of the bed as he found the man sitting calmly in a chair, with no trace of a gun in sight.

The Commander's voice was controlled, but held a slight edge. "I came to check on you, Rei," he said calmly, "Section two reported that you had a guest, but that he did not leave. I was… concerned…"

Rei yawned again, oblivious to the tension in her young lover's body as she pressed even closer to him. "You should not have concerned yourself, Commander," she said softly, "I was with Shinji."

Gendou's brow pulled down into a full-on scowl. "Did he force himself on you Rei?" he whispered dangerously. "Do not lie to me – I saw the sheets…"

Rei blinked.  "Force himself?" she echoed. "No… he did not."  She leaned forward, resting her head on Shinji's chest to get a better look at the Commander.  "Shinji would not do such a thing." 

Shinji felt himself flush as the girl defended him, wondering if she had any idea that she was saving his life.

Gendou looked confused, a very rare occurrence – and one that Shinji secretly enjoyed more than any experience he had previously had.  "But… the blood, and you are naked and…" he trailed off, for once at a loss for words as he leaned forward, clearly eager to get to the bottom of what he viewed as an unmitigated debacle.

Rei met his eyes. "We did make love…" she admitted, "but I initiated it."

Gendou literally fell off of his chair.  Quickly getting back to his feet, he cleared his throat and rumbled, "Why… would you do that, Rei?  Are you unwell?" 

Though Shinji resented the implication that Rei would have to be sick to sleep with him, he wisely said nothing, keeping in mind that guns do not just vanish into thin air.

It was Rei's turn to frown, even if it was only a faint creasing of her normally clear brow. "I did it because I love him," she said plainly, "and he loves me."

Gendou was having a very hard time accepting the fact that his doll was in love with his son. This should not have happened, he thought angrily, this should not have been ABLE to happen… there were… safeguards.  He composed himself quickly.  "I do not approve of this," he said sternly, "Third Child, leave immediately – I must speak with Rei alone."

Shinji moved to rise from the bed, but was stopped as Rei wrapped her arms around his waist, looking at Gendou with a small frown.

The Commander frowned deeply. "Rei," he said sternly, "let him leave."

Rei averted his eyes. "I… will not," her voice was barely above a whisper as, for the first time in her life, she denied her commander.  "I do not wish to be alone anymore, sir."

Gendou's voice was like iron as he said, "Rei… you do not know what you are doing. Getting involved in a physical relationship with… him…" his lip curled, "is… distasteful."

Shinji looked from his father to Rei, confused.  He licked his lips, but Rei spoke before he could, keeping her eyes on Gendou the whole time. "I will tell him… the truth." Gendou opened his mouth, but Rei kept talking, "I… have always obeyed orders without question, but… I am happy with Shinji."  She took a deep breath.  "Please do not take that from me… I will obey in all other matters."  She held his eyes, awaiting his reply with barely visible tension.

Please.

Gendou calculated the inconvenience of this turn of events weighed against the inconvenience of releasing another clone.  So much can go wrong… he thought, remembering that this Rei was the second successfully released one.  There were many… failures.

"If this affects your ability to pilot, either one of you – even a point," he began, his tone cold, "I will ensure that you never see one another again…  and I will find a way to stop this…" he grimaced, "affair."  He seemed about to add something, but then turned and left the apartment without saying anything further.

- - - - -

Neither Child said anything for several minutes after he had gone, soaking in the heavy atmosphere as they pondered his final promise.  Shinji broke the silence first. "Rei…" he said hesitantly, "what did he mean when he said it would be distasteful?"

Rei did not raise her head from his chest, but he felt a shudder run through her body. "He…" she sat up abruptly and looked at him, "Shinji… do you love me?"

"Y-yes…" he said, uncomfortable with the intense look she gave him.

"I have read that love will conquer any problem… do you believe this to be true?" Rei whispered, her voice holding a soft tremor as she realized there was no way to avoid this inevitable conversation even one moment longer.

"I… I don't know…" Shinji murmured, "I guess.  What is this about, Rei?"

"Shinji, I need to tell you something," Rei lowered her gaze apprehensively, "but I am… scared that you will not love me anymore."  Seeing his confused expression, she knew that the only way to proceed was with honesty.

Her shoulders slumping as she slowly brought her lips to his ear, Rei quietly confessed to him the secrets of her origin.

As she spoke, Shinji's eyes got progressively wider.  "My mother?" he whispered.

Rei nodded, wishing he would meet her eyes.  "I… did not want to tell you… please do not hate me… " she began shivering against him as emotions she had never even contemplated before overtook her.  Please… her mind entreated, please stay with me.

Shinji lay limp, barely aware of the girl next to him. She's a clone… mother…

They lay that way for some time:  Rei against Shinji's chest… Shinji with tears running silently down his face… neither able to make a sound.

After a while, Rei swallowed and spoke against his neck. "Shinji, do you… hate me?" she held her breath, suddenly terrified of his response.

I should not have told him, she thought grimly.

"I don't… know, Rei…" Shinji said quietly.  Rei lifted her head and slowly brought her lips to his, but a moment before they met, Shinji cried, "NO!" pushing her away and getting out of the bed.  He stood with his back to her. "I… I'm sorry…" he stammered, "I can't… I can't be here right now…"  He drew his pants and shirt on, nearly tearing them with the force he used.

Rei stood and reached a trembling hand towards him. "Please… please do not leave…" she said softly, a cold wave washing over her naked frame as she finally understood just how devastating this news must be.

After a moment's silence Shinji spoke with some difficulty.  "Do you… do you love me because… because you're made from… her?" Rei said nothing for a moment, stunned at the very thought. "Please," he said, his voice desperate as he whirled around and reached out, roughly grasping her by the upper arms in his panic and confusion.  "I… I need to know!"

"Shinji, you are… hurting me…"

"Please… please tell me…" more tears rolled down his cheeks, though he did lighten his grip.  "I have to know if this is real…"

"It is only my flesh…" Rei whispered, staring into his eyes, "nothing more.  Everything else that I am is mine…" she leaned closer, "my love for you is mine and no one else's…"

Shinji stepped out of her reach as she tried to kiss him once more, wiping his eyes fiercely. "I can't be with you right now Rei… it's… it's too much…" he backed away, finally hitting the door.  "I'm… sorry…" he cried, running from the quiet apartment where the pale girl stood… the girl who looked so much like his mother.

Rei collapsed to her knees, the strength leaving her body in a rush. "Please…" she whispered to the now empty room, "please…"

She bowed her head, closing her eyes as her mind struggled to comprehend what had just happened.  I should not have told him, she thought, desperately thinking of plausible scenarios to recover from this situation.  No, telling him was right… I do not wish to lie to him, so I must… find a way to convince him that I-

Rei blinked her eyes open as she felt something warm and damp patter onto her leg.  "Is this a tear?" she whispered dully.  "Am I the one who is crying…?"

For a long, long moment, she sat still, staring at the tear on her leg and pondering her course of action.  Finally, she rose to her feet and began gathering her clothes, displaying an air of determination that might have been shocking to anyone familiar with her normally calm expression.

It must not end this way – the idea was completely unacceptable.  She simply could not lose what she had so recently found… not if there was any way she could affect the outcome.  Fifteen minutes after Shinji's departure, Rei was dressed and on her way out of her apartment to look for answers, knowing only that she could not allow this fragile, wonderful feeling to leave her life without a fight.

- - - - -

To put it mildly: Gendou Ikari was NOT amused.  "Akagi," he said, holding down a button on his phone, "my office… now."  He released the button, not giving her a chance to reply.

Kouzou Fuyutsuki, NERV's second in command, stood behind his former student, his hands clasped firmly behind his back and a neutral expression on his aged face. "Problems, Ikari?" he asked placidly.

"It involves the First and the Third," Gendou said flatly, "it is what we feared,"

Fuyutsuki nodded, biting back his instinctive reply of 'what you feared, you mean.'

"I see… have they…?"

"Yes," Gendou's voice was sharp.  "They have."

"I see," the older man said again, finding himself at a loss for words.

A moment later, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi walked into the room, obviously upset about being interrupted.  "You needed me?" she said, slightly archly.  "I do have an entire division under me, you know, so unless this is important, I will-"

"The First and Third child have engaged in intercourse," Gendou cut in sharply, "I need to know possible repercussions."

To her credit, Ritsuko's mouth hung open for no more than three seconds. "Yes," she said, regaining her composure, "umm… aside of the possible danger of sexually transmitted diseases, which is highly unlikely as both of them are – were – virgins, the percentage chance of uterine cancer in Rei would increase by-"

Gendou cut her off. "I want to know if there are going to problems with either of them piloting, doctor," he said coldly, "Please try to remain focused on what's at stake here."

Ritsuko swallowed and nodded. "Yes sir…" she said quietly, "I do not foresee any problems, but I will call them all in for sync tests on Monday to confirm. Will that be all?"

"No, it will not," he replied flatly. "Fuyutsuki, leave us.  There is a… personal matter I need to discuss with the doctor." 

His pause on the word personal was the older man's cue.

Fuyutsuki found it to be an odd little custom.  He knew what they did when he left the room, and he knew that they knew of his knowledge… yet they still kept up the pretense of discussing a 'personal' matter.  The result of not trusting anyone for so long… he mused as he bowed and took his leave.

As soon as the door was closed, Gendou spoke.  

"Come here."

Ritsuko's heartbeat picked up its pace. He's angry… she thought, moving slowly towards his desk, he's so… passionate when he's angry.  She wet her lips in anticipation.  As she reached him, he pulled her to him and kissed her hungrily.

Ritsuko Akagi was not a stupid woman – she knew that Gendou Ikari did not love her. The thing that would surprise most people to know about her is that she didn't care.  She loved him, and he deigned her worthy of spending time with – even if it was mostly time spent in loveless couplings like this one – so she was marginally happy.

And marginal happiness was better than no happiness.

Gendou broke the kiss long enough to grab her shirt at the collar and tear it from her body, inadvertently scratching her in the process.  Her body shivered as it was exposed to the cold air of his office, her smooth skin glowing pink in the harsh red light of the tree of Sephiroth depicted overhead.  The small line of blood at her throat went unnoticed by both of them as he removed her bra.

He's only like this for me… she thought, throwing her head back and gasping as he fondled her roughly, …only me.

He pushed her onto his desk, quickly sliding her skirt up her legs and unzipping his pants.  He tore her panties off of her body with one sharp yank and stepped between her legs.  Soon her moans of pleasure filled the cold office…

…though they made no impression on his cold heart.

- - - - -

Shinji wandered through the streets of Tokyo-3 with his head down and his hands deep in his pockets, taking no notice of where he was heading as his already-overloaded mind grappled desperately with the issue he was faced with: what now?

Mother… he thought, randomly making a right turn as he continued on his rambling path.  What should I do?  I can't just… pretend I don't care – she's a clone of my MOTHER!  I can't keep going out with her, can I?  She said it's just her flesh but… but maybe she doesn't even know it herself.

"And even if it IS just her body," he muttered to himself, "doesn't that make it… like… incest??"

He grimaced at the thought, making another turn and heading down a sunny, narrow side-street.  She said she's only a 'partial clone,' whatever that means, he thought, feeling rather tired, so maybe… it's ok, right?  Or – what am I thinking??  She's not… normal. 

He sighed wearily.

"Then why do I still l-"

"Oh, hey!  Ikari!!  Over here!"

Shinji blinked, looking around in confusion. 

"Over here, dumbass!"

"Touji?"

Shinji's friend, Touji Suzuhara, rolled his eyes in disgust.  "Who did you think it was," he snorted, "Megumi Hayashibara?"

"Who?"

"You don't know who Megumi is?" Touji's jaw fell open.  "Dude, she's like, the most popular pre-Impact idol ever!  I thought you knew music stuff!"

Shinji stared at his feet.  "I like classical."

Throwing his hands up in defeat, Touji muttered, "What a loser.  Anyway, what are you doing around here?"  He grinned suddenly.  "Did you just leave Ayanami's?  Lucky bastard."

Did I just leave…?

Glancing around, Shinji frowned, realizing that his aimless rambling had brought him in a semi-circular route back to Rei's neighborhood.  "I was just… walking," he said, carefully avoiding the topic.  "See you around…"

Touji pursed his lips.  "You don't have to get all pissy, dude," he grumbled, falling in at Shinji's side as the boy started to walk off.  "I thought we were friends."

"We are," Shinji said quietly, "I just don't feel like talking right now, that's all."

"That's cool," Touji shrugged, "but man, that frown shit has got to go.  If you don't feel like talking, let's go hit the arcade, or the batting cages."  He let out a long sigh.  "I just came from visiting Kimiko, so I want to go do something you know?"

Shinji grimaced at the mention of Touji's sister Kimiko.  The girl had been injured in the third angel's attack – largely, Shinji felt, because he had been so slow to fight back.  "Is she ok?"

Touji nodded, looking around as Shinji turned, seemingly for no reason, down another street.  "Yeah, she's doing better," he said absently, "the doctors said she should be able to walk again in a couple more weeks or so… hey, where are you going, man??"

"Just walking," the other boy whispered, wishing very much that his friend would leave him in peace.

Unfortunately for him, Touji was not feeling very much like going anywhere.  "Just walking, huh?" he mused, grinning as a girl from the class below them walked past, blushing as she caught Touji's eye and covering her mouth to stifle a childish giggle.  "Well just 'walk' with me down to Kensuke's place with me and see if how his mono's doing, k?  Come on – you're not doing anything anyway… and he's not infectious anymore, he just can't leave the house."

Shinji's teeth clenched together.  "Look, I just want to be alo-"

"Whoa," Touji cut in, coming to a halt and raising his hands, "what's with the tone, Ikari?  Don't make me kick your ass right here on the street."

"Sorry," Shinji whispered, "having a bad day, that's all."

Touji nodded sagely.  "Yeah, it must be tough getting invited over to some hot girl's house," he said sarcastically, "I was trying not to ask about it because you're so damn touchy about stuff all the time, but don't tell me – with a girl like her digging your scene – that you're having a bad day!"

You don't understand! Shinji thought, clenching his hands into fists.  She's not the person you think she is… she's a clone – of my MOTHER!!  So tell me, since you know everything all of the sudden, what I'm supposed to do about that!?

Though all of these words raged through his mind, the only ones that came to his lips were, "You don't understand…"

"Not if you don't say shit," Touji shot back.  "You know what?  You're right, I don't get it.  You're always complaining that no one understands, but you never tell anyone what you're thinking!  What are we supposed to do, read your mind!?  Fucking throw me a bone here, Ikari!"

For a long minute, Shinji simply stood in silence, his hands opening and closing at his sides as he tried unsuccessfully to put his thoughts into words.  Ultimately failing in this endeavor, he simply shook his head and turned away, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking away.

Touji watched him go, rubbing his forehead as the boy slowly made his way down the street.  When Shinji reached the corner, Touji called, "Hey Ikari…"

"What?" Shinji asked without turning around.

"I'm gonna drop by 'Suke's, then hit the batting cages," Touji said coolly, "if you get that stick out of your ass, drop by and we'll get something to eat or something.  If you don't feel like talking, that's cool, you can just listen."  He lowered his voice, sticking his hands in his pockets.  "It doesn't always have to be about you…"

After a moment of silence, Shinji nodded and continued on his way.

- - - - -

Rei waited patiently outside of the Commander's office, keeping her emotions in check with practice born of 7 years experience in the subject.  She never was sure if she was like this in her younger years, as much of her life before the age of eight was blurry and vague, but since that time she had carefully cultivated the ability to keep her feelings and thoughts hidden below a mask of calm disinterest and detachment – like a goddess watching over the mildly amusing lives of the mortals so far beneath her.

Or, in short, she did her best to emulate her mentor and guardian, Gendou Ikari.

He does not approve of this relationship, she thought, glancing briefly at the closed door to the man's office before going back to her cool study of the floor at her feet.  Perhaps this is not the best course of action, but I cannot think of another option at this point.

She frowned faintly as she realized just how limited her resources were in the area of relationships and personal interactions.  There was only Shinji – who did not want to talk to her… the Commander who did not want to talk to her, and – hopefully…

"Doctor Akagi."

Ritsuko very nearly cried out as she stepped out of Gendou's office and carefully closed the door.  "Rei!" she gasped, unconsciously straightening her skirt and pulling her lab coat a little tighter to hide her exposed body.  "Excuse me, I was just leaving. The Commander will see you in a moment."

"I am not looking for the Commander," Rei replied, following the woman as she moved off down the hallway, "I am looking for you."

"Why would you think you would find me here?" Ritsuko laughed nervously, wetting her lips and glancing around to see if anyone else could hear their conversation.

Why would you think I would want to talk to YOU at all? she thought angrily, her nostrils flaring as the warm feeling of euphoria she had left Gendou's office with quickly dissipated.

Rei dismissed the question entirely, feeling that it would be useless to point out that Doctor Akagi's relationship with the Commander was NOT as closely guarded a secret as the woman thought it was and cutting straight to the point.

"I would like your advice."

Ritsuko came up short.  "Excuse me?"

Rei stopped as well.  "I would like your advice on my relationship with Shinji," she said plainly.

"What… relationship?" Ritsuko asked uneasily.

Underestimated her again, didn't you? she berated herself as the First Child simply stared at her expectantly.  The Commander knows… so she knows that I'll know.  God, I'll bet she even knows what we do in there.

"It's not my concern," she said finally, folding her arms over her breasts.  "Do what you want with him – why would I care?"

Rei nodded, expecting this level of apathy – or worse – but pressing forward anyway.  "He… rejected me when he found out my nature," she said quietly, "I would like your advice on how to convince him that I-"

Ritsuko threw her head back and laughed, cutting the girl off.  "Oh… oh you have to be kidding me!" she gasped, doubling over.  "You want me to help you get back together with a boy that rejected you because you're a genetic clone of his mother?? HA!!" 

She rose to her full height, her laughter stopping in an instant.  "Why do you think I'd help you?" she asked, her voice taking on a hard edge as she confessed, "I'm not your friend, Rei, I just work with you."

If Rei was upset by this comment, she made no sign.  "Because you have experience in these matters and I do not," she said calmly.

"What experience do you think I have?" Ritsuko snorted.

Rei considered this for a moment, wondering what she had hoped to gain by speaking with this venomous woman.  "Because your current lover was also involved with your mother," she said quietly, "and it does not seem to affect your decision to be with h-"

Ritsuko's palm cracked loudly against Rei's cheek, making the girl's ears ring.  "That's none of your business!!" the blonde hissed, her voice shaking with rage.  "Keep your fucking nose out of my life!"

Slowly, Rei brought her face back around.  "Understood," she said quietly, offering the older woman a polite bow.  "Thank you for your time, Doctor Akagi."

In spite of herself, Ritsuko shivered.  Cold, she thought immediately, even though she's learning what it's like to have a lover's touch, she's still cold as ice…

- - - - -

"I'm home," Shinji called, slipping his shoes off and making his way into the apartment.  "Misato?  Asuka?  …anyone here?"

Maybe they're gone, he thought hopefully, then I can just go lie down and think – or better yet, NOT think!

"Quiet down," Misato called, "We're in the kitchen… come here for a sec."

"Umm, ok."

Shinji made his way into the living room, frowning as he found Asuka and Misato both sitting at the table with identical, mischievous grins on their faces.  "…hi?"

"Hey," Misato said brightly.  "What's up?"

"Oh, nothing," Shinji replied quietly, "just… kinda tired.  Think I'll have a nap."

Misato popped the top on what looked like her third beer.  "What's your hurry?" she laughed, "grab a seat… talk to us for a sec."

Shinji groaned internally, but did as he was told, keeping his eyes on the table. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked as politely as he could.

Asuka's grin grew exponentially.  "Nothing really," she said absently.  "We were just wondering… where you were last night."

Shinji paled and looked from Asuka to Misato, then back to the table.  "I was… I was at a friend's house…" he blushed deeply.

Asuka's smile widened considerably more. "Whose house, Shinji?" 

"You're so off on this," Misato giggled, taking a quick sip of her beer, "give the guy a break."

"No, no," Asuka replied, still smiling at Shinji, "I'm really curious."

Shinji knew exactly where the conversation was going… though short of either knocking Asuka to the ground and running out, or faking sudden, severe memory loss, he did not see any way to avoid answering the question. "I was at… Kensuke's house…" he murmured, mentally crossing his fingers as he tried one last ditch effort.

"Really?" said Asuka, her smile fading a bit, "wasn't he…" sick?

"R-really," Shinji whispered, swallowing hard.  "We… played video games and stuff, so I was… really tired, so I slept in – that's why I got home so late."  He licked his lips.  "Touji was there, too… you can ask him."

Just give me a minute to call him first…

"And you can't call to tell me that?" Misato yawned, quickly losing interest as the promised 'juicy news' seemed to disappear into thin air.  "I was going to call your cell, but I figured it was your day off, and you said you were going to be out late.  No big deal." 

Could check with Section Two, I guess, she thought idly, but really… who cares?  So he spent the night at a friend's house… big deal….

Asuka pursed her lips as Shinji rose to his feet.  Something… bad happened, didn't it? she thought astutely, I could just ask him, I guess, but there's no way he'd tell me – especially after I put him on the spot.  She shrugged as Shinji excused himself.  Hey… why didn't I blow his cover??  I could have made him look like the idiot he is right in front of Misato… so why didn't I?  Why do I care about this?

The answer, of course, was obvious: the dark, haunted look in Shinji's eyes as he wandered off to his bedroom.

It would have been like going after wounded prey…

With a sigh, and a mental promise to pay more attention to see if she could find out what was going on, Asuka got up and headed into the living room to watch television.

- - - - -

Roughly two hours later, Misato found herself in the kitchen once more, taking a long pull from her sixth beer and trying to keep from answering the question posed to her as long as she could as the young woman opposite her patiently waited for a reply.  Man, how do I get into these situations? she wondered, slowly setting the can down and licking her lips.

Taking a deep breath she said, "I was nineteen… it happened at college."

"Was it painful?"

Misato averted her eyes, running a finger down the side of her beer can to buy herself another moment.  "Yeah," she admitted, "it was… the first time."

"But you continued to do it."

"Yeah," Misato blew out a sharp breath, making the papers on the kitchen table flutter.  "Look," she said quietly, "I'm… not really the best person to ask about this kind of stuff, you know?  I don't mind answering your questions, but I'm sure there's someone that could give you much better information on this kind of stuff than me."  She forced a smile, and gestured around the room.  "As you can see, I'm not exactly an expert on relationships."

The girl nodded.  "I understand that," she said calmly.  "But it would be… appreciated, if you could assist me in this.  I could not think of anyone else to ask."

Misato sighed.  "It's not a problem," she said carefully.  "If it means that much to you, I'll do my best, ok?  But like I said, I'm not an expert here, so don't take everything I say as gospel, alright?"

"Understood."

There was a moment of silence.

"So your first sexual experience was with Mister Kaji?"

Misato tried not to flinch.  "Th-that's right," she confirmed, toying with her beer before taking another long pull.  "We… yeah, that's right."

God, don't make me go into this, she begged mentally, it's been a long day…

Unfortunately, the girl nodded and coolly asked, "Why did you separate?"

Damn it…

"There was… someone else," Misato replied awkwardly, using the same, decade-old lie she had used with Kaji.  "It just wasn't working out, and… there was someone else."

"So you said," the girl murmured.  "Did you love Mister Kaji?"

Misato swallowed the last of her beer, wishing suddenly that it was a full can – or better yet, a keg – so she could just keep drinking and never answer.  Finally, however, the drink was empty, and she set it down, quietly whispering, "I… can't answer that question for you, Rei.  It's too personal, I'm sorry."

"Understood," the First Child nodded, pausing for a moment before whispering, "Would you like to be with him again?"

"You trying to fix me up?" Misato asked, trying to lighten the mood.  When the blue-haired girl simply stared at her, she said, "I don't know… sometimes when I see him in the halls and I'm feeling lonely, yeah, but most of the time I think about all of the reasons we had to end it, and I realize it was for the best."

Rei considered her next question very carefully.  "Does seeing him and knowing what was once between you not hurt?"

"Well of course it does," Misato said, exasperated, "but then…"  She blinked, nearly slapping herself as she thought about how many times Rei had come to visit over the last few weeks.  "Why the sudden interest, Rei?  Is there… something else you want to ask me about?"

I'm so blind, she thought as Rei stared silently at the table.  I mean, I know she's been coming over for the past week or so, but… but I thought it was for school or NERV or something.  I mean it's Rei – REI, for Heaven's sake!  I didn't even think there COULD be something between-

"If there was," Rei answered finally, her soft, cool voice never rising or falling, "would you be willing to discuss your own experiences?"

Before Misato could reply, the television in the living room clicked off, and Asuka walked quietly into the kitchen.

"Souryu."

"Ayanami."

Misato leaned back in her chair, trying to distance herself from the unhealthy energy flowing between the Children.  Not getting between THOSE two, she thought, She didn't even call Rei Wondergirl for crying out loud… this is just… bad.

"Got a sec?" Asuka asked coolly.

"No," Rei replied flatly, "I am talking to Major Katsuragi."

Asuka's eyes flicked to her commanding officer, then back to Rei.  "I don't think she has the answer you're looking for," she said slowly, "and… if I'm right about what you're asking, only one person does."

Rei averted her eyes.  "Your opinion is noted," she said coolly, rising to her feet. "I… should be going.  Goodbye."

Misato rubbed her eyes.  "Wait," she said tiredly, "you don't have to go, Rei, I-"

"Let her," Asuka cut in quietly, "she needs to think."

Nodding, Rei turned towards the door.  "Yes…"

As the First Child left, Misato looked up at Asuka.  "What was that about?" she asked quietly.  "Something's gone wrong with them, hasn't it?  Why are you getting into it?"

"I'm not," Asuka said enigmatically, "I'm helping."

"Who, exactly?"

The redhead turned to her, smiling faintly as she replied, "Goodnight, Misato."

- - - - -

Somehow, Saturday and Sunday passed without any trips to NERV, leaving Shinji some time to think.  Unfortunately, he was not able to reach any further conclusion than the fact that no conclusion could be reached.  It was the perfect catch 22 – he could still feel Rei's touch if he closed his eyes and thought hard enough… but he felt that he should be disgusted by it, and the fact that he had to think about it meant that he was not, which only confused him more.

One nice detail, he thought as he prepared the two bentos they would have for lunch that Monday, was that Asuka had quickly lost interest in taunting him about Rei. She had given him grief every day of the week up until Saturday, then… nothing.  If he had not known better, Shinji would have thought Asuka knew that he and Rei were not together anymore.

Well… we're not really 'broken up,' either, he thought as he put the lid on Asuka's bento.  We're not really anything right now, I guess.  I mean, I think we're broken up – she can't really expect me to be with her after what she told me, right?

"Of course not," he whispered to himself, "so we're…"

He could not even say it – it hurt too much.

Broken up… separated… single again… not a couple anymore.

No matter how he phrased it in his mind it felt so wrong, but what else could he do?  Ignore what she was and just… just…

"Be happy…?"

"What, the hell, are you muttering about??"

Shinji jumped as Asuka tapped him on the shoulder.  "Gah!!"

"Settle down, freak," the redhead grumbled, "you're gonna hurt yourself."

"S-sorry," Shinji stammered, pushing the bentos the side and picking up his backpack.

"And stop apologizing!!" Asuka snapped.  "That makes me sick!  If you do something wrong, yeah, sure, say you're sorry – but damn it, stop saying it all the time!  You say it so much it doesn't mean anything because no one could be that sorry!!"

Shinji nodded, bowing his head.  "I'll try," he said softly.

Asuka blew out an exasperated breath.  "Geez, you'd think you'd be happy now that you've got someone that likes having you breathe all over their face," she grumped, "or is she bad?"  Suddenly, she got a wicked grin on her face.  "Is that it, Third Child?  Is Wondergirl worse at kissing than you?  Ha!  That would serve you right, you pervert!"

She's actually pretty good, Shinji mused as Asuka grabbed her pack and started for the door, but I don't think I'll have the chance to feel that again…

Quietly, the two headed off to school.  To his credit, Shinji actually managed to keep up one end of a light conversation, discussing simple topics like what the next math test might contain, and how Asuka had done on her finals in college.

"…got an A on the biology final, of course," the redhead was saying as they stepped into the classroom, "genetic extrapolation is so easy!"

"Yeah," Shinji nodded, his eyes immediately going to Rei's seat, "I'm… not that good at stuff like that, though…"

She's not here, he thought, half relieved, half concerned as he took his seat and prepared for the class to start, I… Misato would have told me if something happened to her, right?  Unless it happened on the way to school, but – no, I'm just being paranoid.  She's fi-

"Whoo!" someone in the back row cheered.  "It's the hottest couple in 2-A!"

Shinji looked up, bewildered as half of the class started clapping, and found Rei walking slowly down the aisle in his direction.  He tried to talk, but for some reason, his lips would not work.  Rei glanced his way only once, inclining her head in a brief, polite nod before continuing on her way… but as she passed his desk, her right hand brushed his left forearm – almost by accident – sending a soft, warm tingle shooting through his body.

The cheering died down as the class representative rose to her feet, calling out. "Rise.  Bow.  Be seated," as the teacher came into the classroom.

Risking a look behind him, Shinji found Rei just looking away, directing her eyes out of the window and resting her chin in her hand.

Slowly, Shinji looked away, hunching down in his seat as several excited, no doubt gossiping whisperers broke out all around him.  They all think we're playing it cool, he thought miserably. She looks like she hates me now, but she touched me… what does that mean?

He swallowed, blinking hard as he realized that he was on the verge of tears.

God, Rei… I'm so sorry – but I just don't know how to feel…

Class passed by at a snails pace, giving him plenty of time to think about just how far things had gone wrong.  By lunch time, his stomach was growling rather loudly, which was hardly surprising, considering the fact that he had skipped breakfast.

As soon as the bell rang, he scooped up his bento and quickly made his exit, ignoring a few catcalls as he strode out of the school and into the bright, sunlit afternoon.  He walked slowly to a park near the school, taking a seat next to his bento on one of the benches ringing the play area.

He pulled out his chopsticks, whispering, "Itadakimasu," and digging in… but as hungry as he was, each bite was as tasteful as sawdust, giving him absolutely no pleasure until finally, he set the box aside and sat back on the bench, closing his eyes.

Now what? he thought miserably.

"Shinji…?"

The small amount of food he'd eaten nearly came back up.  "A-ayanami…"

"Please," the girl said softly, ignoring the formal greeting, "I would like to speak to you, Shinji."

Swallowing with some difficulty, Shinji picked up his bento and rose to his feet.  "I've… gotta get back to class."

Rei bowed her head, allowing her bangs to partially hide her eyes.  "Shinji," she said levelly, "may I ask you something?"

Shinji closed his eyes.  "I really gotta go…" he whispered awkwardly, stepping past the girl and starting back towards school.

"Am I… that repulsive to you now…?"

A soft breeze drifted lazily through the park, ruffling Shinji's hair and drying the nervous sweat on his brow.  Yes, he thought immediately, no… I don't know – that's the problem, I just… don't KNOW!!

When he offered no reply after several minutes, Rei nodded to herself.  "I see…"

Shinji hung his head in shame as her soft footsteps moved away from him, leaving him to think of all the possible ways he could have answered – any of which, he knew perfectly well… would have been better than silence.

Continued…

Author's notes: I am no longer going to document changes in this version as compared to the old version.  It's too hard to keep track, and I doubt that many people care all that much anyway, so I'll just say I like this version better than the old one because I think it's truer to the original series. I think the characterization is better, the dialogue is tighter, and since the romance has been dulled from an overdose of sugar to a much more manageable dose, it is a far more realistic and enjoyable read.  Hopefully you, the reader, like it too.

Pre-read one this chapter was by Akodo Tim, LeperMessiah, and Ryoma… imagine that: three unique, totally different individuals – all coming together to, well, rip my story to pieces!!  Do you know how many drafts it took to please those slave dri­- er… I mean thanks… thanks guys, couldn't have done it without you :P

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