Disclaimer: see part 1.

Touch'

Part 9 (v3)

Something to Lose

By Random1377

Shinji maintained a calm, contemplative silence, staring up at the ceiling as Rei sat quietly at his bedside, efficiently peeling an apple with a small pocketknife. It was a strange, almost motherly thing to do, but considering what he knew of her origins, Shinji decided not to dwell on this fact and instead chose to think about how peaceful things had been since the last angel battle.

Sure I'm laid up for another week or two in this place, he mused as Rei carefully dropped the apple peel (removed in one long, continuous strip) into the garbage and set about cutting the apple into wedges, but at least I'm not alone. Not all the time, anyway.

Rei visited him whenever she could, which was almost every day, but there were other obligations she had to maintain. Shinji knew – or thought he knew – all about them, so he simply enjoyed the time he did get to have with her and looked forward to his release from the hospital.

Got banged up pretty bad in that fight… guess I should feel lucky to be alive. Cracked ribs… slight headache… loss of appetite… Nothing too bad though. I'd be out of here already if it wasn't for the post-operative infection. It's taking longer to clear up than it should. With my luck, it's angel bacteria.

"It is finished."

Shinji looked up as Rei handed him the neatly sectioned apple. "Thanks," he said honestly, "I was really hungry."

Glancing around the hospital room, Rei asked, "Are the meals here inadequate?"

Pursing his lips, Shinji stared down at the apple. Rei's speech patterns were strange to him, as they ran from extremely formal and proper to mostly formal and proper – she was, after all, still trying to learn to be casual – but she was always most formal when she was tense, so the structure of her question told him that she was having a hard day.

How strange… that only I would know that.

"They give me enough to eat," he admitted out loud, "but it's pretty gross stuff, so I don't eat a lot of it. I mean, there are sayings about hospital food and all."

"I see."

"Yeah."

They fell back into silence for a moment as Shinji ate a few slices of apple, trying not to squirm as his eyes insisted on noticing how flawless and smooth Rei's neck looked in the room's soft light. God, I want to kiss her, he thought sadly. It's been, well, since the fight that we've been able to… be close, but I wish she didn't think it was weird to kiss in public places. I practically have to close the blinds and lock the door to even get a peck.

Setting the piece of apple that was in his hand back on the napkin Rei had given him, Shinji said, "Hey, umm… c-can you close the blinds?"

Rei glanced over at the window. "Your view to the outside would be obstructed," she observed quietly, "and it would make it very dark in here."

Shinji swallowed.

"I know."

"Oh," Rei replied, her eyes widening slightly as she realized his intent. "Oh, I… I see."

Looking over her shoulder to ensure that the door was closed, Rei leaned forward and pressed her lips gently to Shinji's, giving him a warm, careful kiss before withdrawing and smoothing her skirt over her legs.

"Was that… sufficient?"

Sighing wistfully, Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he whispered, "that was nice… can I have another one?"

To his surprise, Rei gave him a faint smile. "Perhaps in a moment," she said. "I would not want to you to overexert yourself, since you are still recuperating."

Shinji gasped. "Ayanami," he breathed with perfectly feigned amazement, "are you… teasing me?"

Considering this for a moment, Rei nodded. "I am," she confirmed coolly. "Though I suppose I should not, as it will most likely raise your blood pressure."

Before Shinji could reply, she put her hand on his and gave him another, longer kiss.

"And now, I must go," she told him as they parted.

Shinji pouted, but it did not affect the placid First Child in the slightest.

"Oh, hey," he said suddenly, snapping his fingers as he caught sight of the calendar on the wall. "Today's the fifteenth, isn't it? Can you hand me that little computer-looking thing from my pants pocket?"

Rei got to her feet and walked to the closet, rummaging around for a moment as Shinji tried not to stare at her shapely backside. Finding Shinji's pants, she pulled out a small, handheld computer almost identical to the one Doctor Akagi used to carry with her.

"Thanks," Shinji said, powering the little machine on as Rei retook her seat. "Just need to do something with this real quick."

Watching curiously, Rei said nothing.

"Password," Shinji muttered under his breath, "password, password… what did she tell me the password was? Revenge? No, but something – oh yeah!" Looking pleased with himself, he lifted the handheld computer closer to his eyes and slowly spelled out the word, murmuring each syllable under his breath as he went. "Rec…om…pense. There."

He hesitated for a moment as the screen flashed, 'Execute?' in small red letters. Computer programmers are weird, he thought ruefully. Oh well, a promise is a promise.

Shrugging slightly, he hit 'Enter.'

Rei tilted her head to the side abruptly, frowning as she whispered, "Did you hear… something?"

"Something?" Shinji asked, setting the device on the table next to his bed. "Something like what?"

"Mm," Rei hummed, her brow clearing as she rose to her feet. "It must have been my imagination. I will visit again as soon as I am able."

Looking hopeful, Shinji said, "Tomorrow?"

"If I am able."

Shinji looked dejected, but nodded his understanding. "I hope it's tomorrow."

Rei leaned over his bed, giving him one final kiss. "I will do my best," she said honestly. "I do not like seeing you in pain, Shinji, but I will visit if I am not required elsewhere."

"Ok."

"Goodnight, Shinji."

"Goodnight, Rei… I love you."

With a faint blush on her cheeks, Rei pulled the door open. "And I love you."

And then… she was gone.

( 0 0 0 )

The halls of NERV were quiet and still, giving Rei ample opportunity to ponder all that had happened in the previous few weeks. From angel to angel, things with Shinji had grown progressively more intense, until Rei was finding it hard to imagine life without him.

The trade-off to having that level of connection, she had come to learn, was a certain amount of fear.

It is… dangerous to feel this way, she mused as she made her way slowly through the complex. If he is taken from me, will I be able to fulfill my purpose? I know I must, but without him…

She let the thought trail off, fear worming through her stomach as she recalled the feeling of coming face to face with that reality only too recently. She could still recall the breathless wait as everyone in the command center stood tense and ready to hear from the rescue team, and she could practically feel the gentle pressure of Misato's hand resting carefully on her shoulder, the older woman's face turned away to keep her from having to look into Rei's eyes.

It made her weak in the knees to contemplate a life without the happiness she had only recently discovered, generating a kind of terror inside of her that nothing in her past could have prepared her for. All her life, she considered herself expendable – replaceable –and in a very real way, she was… but no one had ever told her how to handle the feeling of having something or someone else she might lose.

But it will not come to that, she told herself, trying to feel firm on this conclusion, Shinji is a bit injured from the last angel, but he is alive and well, and there will be a new pilot to replace him shortly, so perhaps… perhaps he will not be needed to pilot ever again.

This thought pleased her greatly, and as she stepped onto the escalator to reach the next floor, she allowed herself a tiny, hesitant smile – for while she knew their time together was short, she was determined to make the most of it. As she reached the top of an escalator, however, she found herself staring at a pair of plain white shoes, the owners of which had clearly positioned him or herself to block Rei's path. Slowly, she lifted her eyes, taking in the black pants and white shirt of her own school's uniform, until finally she found herself staring into the crimson eyes of a young man of about her own age.

"Hello," the boy greeted her softly, giving her a smile that was both amused and mildly affectionate. "You seem pleased with yourself, First Child."

Rei frowned faintly. "Identify yourself."

"I believe that you already know," the boy said, the amusement from his smile creeping in to color his voice, "but to humor you, I am called Kaworu Nagisa, though by your superiors here, I am known as the Fifth Child."

A soft, familiar twisting in Rei's guts, reminiscent of a mild stomachache, caused the corners of her lips to curl downward. "You are… not human."

Kaworu inclined his head a fraction of an inch, the smile never leaving his face. "I am as human as you, AeMeH," he said simply, "and while it may seem appealing to go and inform your superiors, I am sure you can surmise that they already know. After all," he added almost offhandedly, "they welcomed me into this facility with open arms."

"I do not believe you," Rei said bluntly, "the Commander would not-"

"The Commander," Kaworu interrupted, "spoke to me personally. He hid his fear and rage quite well, but he is aware, AeMeH." The Fifth Child glanced down at his fingernails, as if trying to remember what they were supposed to be used for. "If I had to guess, I would say he is waiting until I declare myself his enemy… or until he can find a way to eliminate me without risk." He looked back up into her eyes, his smile becoming wry. "They know so little of us…"

Rei shook her head, trying not to notice how hypnotizing the boy's eyes were, or how pleasant his voice sounded to her ears. "I do not… know that name you keep using," she said uncomfortably. "My name is Ayanami. Please excuse me, Mister Nagisa, I need to be going."

But Kaworu did not move out of her way. "I would rather you stay for a moment," he said evenly, taking a step closer to her. "I still have much I would like to discuss with you, AeMeH."

"That name-"

"Is proper," Kaworu cut in. "You feel it, inside… I know you can feel it, AeMeH."

Rei tried to deny it… but the words would not come. Somehow, it did feel right to hear those syllables playing across her eardrums. It resonated and gelled in her mind, echoing down deeper inside of her and touching places she would just as soon leave undisturbed. Dark places. Hidden places.

Inhuman places.

"I am… not her."

Kaworu smiled indulgently. "I'm sure I could quote you some Lilim adage about leopards changing their spots, but I feel that would be insulting to both of us."

Rei stepped back quickly, clearing the railing of the escalator and backing towards the wall as Kaworu began to come closer. "I do not like this, Nagisa," she said sharply. "Please, I am in a relationship, and I would like you to leave me alone now."

Moving closer, Kaworu whispered, "You know you do not belong to any Lilim, AeMeH. You've fooled yourself into believing that you feel for him, but in your heart – your soul – you know it is wrong. Lions lie down with lions. Sheep lie down with sheep. That is the way it has always been – the way it must always be."

"I do not understand what you mean," Rei answered, fearful of the deep-seated tugging the boy's closeness generated within her. "Shinji and I-"

"You should be with me," the gray-haired boy interrupted softly, halving the distance between them. "That is the proper order of things."

"Please do not come closer," Rei breathed, pressing herself against the wall behind her as her heartbeat suddenly raced out of control. "I… am not comfortable with this, Nagisa."

Kaworu ignored her, putting one hand on the wall on either side of her head and fencing her in. "You're the same as me," he whispered, tilting his head to the side and moving closer to her. "You belong with me. You belong to me."

Rei shivered as he moved into her personal space.

"Creatures that are the same should stay together," Kaworu said calmly, his warm breath brushing her lips exactly the way Shinji's did. "It isn't… natural when creatures that are different intermingle, AeMeH. It creates… unease and disquiet."

"I am not a creature," Rei said, her voice quiet, but her conviction firm. "I… do not know what you consider yourself, Mister Nagisa, but I am a hu-"

"Shh…" Kaworu whispered back, shaking his head as a small, sad smile appeared on his lips, "please don't… embarrass yourself, AeMeH. You are the same as I, and I do not pretend to be anything other than what I am."

Rei opened her mouth to reply, but her breath came out in a ragged rush as Kaworu's fingers traced a path from the bottom of her ear to the tip of her chin.

"Is it because he was the first?" Kaworu asked, cradling Rei's face in both palms and making small, controlled circles on her cheeks. "Have you been touched by others, AeMeH? Perhaps," he suggested gently, "you have settled…?"

With her head captured between his palms, Rei could not shake it… and speaking became impossible as the Fifth brought his lips closer and closer to her own.

Rei's blood rushed in her ears. Deep within her, a warm surge of heat spread through her abdomen, causing her pale features to tinge red. She could feel her soul connecting with his – a primal thing, predating her own existence by millennia. In that hidden core, she felt that he was right. They were the same. She knew she was not entirely human any more than he was, and it would be so easy to give in and simply let him have-

Stars exploded behind her eyes as she brought her head back, knocking it against the wall with a solid thunk.

Kaworu pursed his lips, eyeing her with disdain as his hands dropped to his sides.

"How…" he gazed at the ceiling, searching his repertoire for the proper word before settling on, "disappointing."

Rei trembled as his lips nearly touched her own, almost kissing her before drawing back slightly to gaze deep into her eyes.

"Your body tells me that you enjoy my presence," he said calmly, reaching up and brushing Rei's bottom lip with the ball of his thumb.

Though she tried to deny this, Rei found that her mouth produced only small, whispering puffs of air – devoid of meaning or substance as the Fifth gently moved his hand from her face to her chest, resting it lightly over her quick, erratic heartbeat.

"AeMeH," he breathed, slipping his free arm around the small of Rei's back. "I have… ached to be this close to you for as long as I can remember. Do not tell me that it does not feel proper to have my hands on your body." His breath was warm on Rei's neck. "Favor me with your touch," he murmured, "complement me. Complete me. Let me complete you."

The logic felt so sound – like it was inescapable – and though Rei struggled to find a reasonable counterargument, her scattered thoughts could not manage to latch on to any one focal point.

Touch, she thought dizzily, all he wants is a touch…

Slowly, Kaworu found himself being pushed back; the First Child's small, pale hand pressed squarely against the center of his chest. He looked quizzically into her deep, crimson eyes, searching for any clue as to her thoughts, but she was as implacable as the moon, offering no trace of what ran through her mind.

Once she had extended her arm all the way, she let it fall to her side, tilting her head from one side to the other as she openly studied his face. After a moment, she nodded (more to herself than him), and turned to the side, offering him a profile view as she dropped her eyes to the floor… and spoke.

( 0 0 0 )

"So," Misato said, glancing around at the pilots assembled in the small conference room, "Nagisa will be the temporary pilot for Unit 01 once it's operational again, and Rei will act as backup."

"Fine with me," Asuka said airily, "just keep your grubby mitts off of my Unit 02."

Misato tiredly rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Don't you ever get bored of the same old lines?" she sighed. "Sheesh – your name isn't on it anywhere, you know, and if I wanted to, I could make him its pilot."

Shooting her a withering glance, Asuka muttered, "Over my dead body."

The operations director showed all of her teeth. "If you keep talking back to me, I may take you up on that."

"Pfft, whatever."

"A final note," Misato said as she gathered up her papers. "Pilot Suzuhara has requested some time to visit his sick uncle in Okinawa Two. Considering that we have more pilots now than functioning units, his request was granted. He will be considered an ancillary pilot when he returns," she added with a significant glance at Asuka, "which means if no one else is available, he will pilot whichever Unit he needs to."

"It's like Christmas came early," Asuka mused, blatantly ignoring Misato's final comment. "The most annoying human on Earth, willingly removing himself from my presence. Next you'll tell me we're going to start getting paid for this."

Waving a hand, Misato said, "And with that, you're all dismissed." Blinking, she said, "Oh, Kaworu, do you have a question?"

"Only one, Major," the newly arrived Fifth said, politely lowering his hand, "are there any tests scheduled for later today? I was hoping for a tour of the city, and if Miss Ayanami isn't busy…"

"Yeah, sure, fine," Misato said. "Just make sure she's in by midnight, or she'll turn into a pumpkin."

"A…pumpkin?"

Sighing at the gray-haired boy's blank expression, Misato got to her feet. "Never mind," she sighed tiredly. "Man – it's gettin' so you can't even crack a lame joke anymore… before you know it, humor will be outlawed."

Asuka, following the older woman out, primly commented, "Oh, I'm sure actual humor won't be."

"Oh shut up."

The door slid shut, leaving the First and Fifth alone.

"Hey," Misato mumbled as she and Asuka headed towards the elevator, "was it just me, or did you get a funny vibe off that kid?"

"What," Asuka countered, "just because he didn't laugh at your stupidity?" When Misato glared, the Second shrugged. "Eh, I don't know… can't seem to manage to care."

Misato remained silent until they got the elevator bank. As she pushed the call button, however, she whispered, "I didn't like the way he was looking at Rei."

Bracing herself for some comment about how Rei was an emotionless doll, Misato was surprised when Asuka nodded. "Yeah, I caught that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm…"

"Kinda funny that she wouldn't make eye contact with him, too."

"Yeah…"

The elevator arrived and disgorged a few passengers as Misato's cell phone began to ring. Asuka ignored her and glanced up at the arrows indicating which direction the elevator was headed. Going down, she thought testily. Guess we'll be waiting for the next one.

"Damn," Misato said, quickly stepping into the elevator as she hung up her phone. "That was the Commander – I gotta go to his office. I'll meet you in the parking lot in a few minutes."

Asuka started to protest that she did not have the keys to the car, but before she could get past her spluttering indignation, the elevator door was sliding shut, leaving her alone in the hall. With a sigh, she leaned her forehead against the door, waiting for the next elevator to arrive. She glanced over her shoulder, however, as she heard footsteps approaching, and her brow drew down as she found the First Child slowly walking down the corridor towards her.

"Pilot Souryu."

"First."

The redhead did not bother hiding her contempt for the other pilot, and when the elevator arrived a moment later, the two stepped on without another word. As the floors began to tick off, Asuka leaned up against the wall and folded her arms, staring studiously at the back of the elevator to avoid looking at the other girl, practically willing the First to ask why she was being so cold.

Floors went by, and still the two said nothing.

Asuka scratched the side of her nose, irritated that the blue-haired girl was always so calm. God, I'd like to shake some sense into her, she thought suddenly. Always so damn proper and stiff… she doesn't deserve-

"Your sync ratio has gone down over the past few weeks," Rei observed tonelessly. "The Commander will be displeased if the trend continues."

So wrapped up in her own thoughts was Asuka that she had momentarily forgotten the four point slide she had experienced. It only took a moment, however, for her rage to boil over and explode.

"I don't think I need to take any advice from a cheating little whore like you."

It gave Asuka great satisfaction to see Rei's shoulders tense, even if it was only a fraction of an inch. "Cheating…?" the First echoed. "I… do not understand."

"Yeah you do," Asuka countered, "I might not be a rocket scientist, but I saw that look the freaky new kid was giving you – you don't look like that at someone you just met! And you sure acted nervous as hell around him."

"You are… inferring a lot from one look," Rei observed neutrally.

Asuka snorted. "Right, sure," she muttered, "and that whole, 'oh, maybe the First could show me around,' bit was just coincidence, right? If he was really looking for someone to show him around, he would have asked me or Misato, or even the stooge – everyone knows you don't go out on the town a lot, Wondergirl."

Keeping her back to the Second, Rei softly replied, "Pilot Nagisa is new here… he knows nothing about me."

"Man are you so full of shit!"

"Regardless," Rei whispered, "there… has been no declaration of exclusivity between myself and Ikari, so your statement that I am cheating has no foundation. Furthermore, as I stated, there is nothing-"

Asuka's hand wrapped around her upper arm tightly enough to leave bruises when Rei checked later in the day, and when the Second whipped her around and slapped her as hard as she could across the face, Rei did not utter a single sound, even though the force of the blow made her stagger on her feet and immediately drew an angry red handprint on her cheek.

The elevator dinged as it reached their floor.

"If you fuck him over," Asuka said, her voice low and even in spite of her flushed face and clenched fists, "I will hurt… you. Bad enough that you'll regret what you've done – but believe me… I won't."

Rei nodded as Asuka stepped off the elevator, and as the door slid shut, she whispered, simply, "Understood."

( 0 0 0 )

Misato straightened her jacket and took a deep breath, staring at the huge doors leading to the Commander's office as if mere willpower could get them to reveal the secrets of the man on the other side. If these walls could talk, right? she thought, squaring her shoulders and raising her hand to knock on the door. On second thought… I probably wouldn't want to hear.

"Commander," she called, rapping smartly on the right door, "you wanted to see me?"

The door swung open as Misato pushed on it, and she stepped into the cool, dimly lit room. From across the huge expanse of the office, the Commander-in-chief of NERV sat behind his enormous mahogany desk, waiting with all the calm of an arctic glacier, fingers laced in front of his eyes as he remained as motionless and silent as a statue.

Misato advanced cautiously, resisting the urge to just turn and leave as the Commander's dark eyes bored into hers through his heavily tinted glasses. Standing at attention, she waited, refusing to avert her gaze as the man stared on, clearly trying to break her will and make her speak first… but Misato, who had lived with the man's son, was an old pro at staring people down and making them uncomfortable.

Ultimately, Gendou's impatience won out over his desire to make her sweat. He pursed his lips and got directly to the point.

"Tell me the location of Ritsuko Akagi."

"Well I'd love to sir," Misato said slowly, "but last time I checked, she was still among the missing."

Gendou's eyes narrowed. "This is not the time for levity, Major," he said coldly. "Protecting her is not good for your career… or your health."

Misato resisted the temptation to fire off another witty remark and simply said, "I honestly don't know what you're talking about, Commander."

Instead of replying immediately, Gendou reached into his desk. Misato tensed, her hand itching to fly into the jacket and pull out her gun… only it was out in the hall in the lockbox, as per NERV protocol, and when the Commander pulled out a small stack of papers, she forced her shoulders to relax and her face to remain calm and impassive.

"Nine PM," the Commander read, "Major Katsuragi clocks out, but does not leave the premises for another hour. Agents unable to locate until ten oh five, when Major reaches her car." Leafing to the next page, the Commander continued. "Five PM, Major Katsuragi enters elevators with various personnel, but does not exit until five twenty-five – at the same level she entered. Eight PM, Major Katsuragi spends twenty-two minutes in the bathroom on level-"

"You have them watch me when I'm in the bathroom?" Misato cut in incredulously. "Come on! I had some bad sushi!"

The Commander dropped the sheet he had been reading from and gave Misato a hard, assessing look. "You are treading on thin ice, Major," he told her quietly. "As commander of this organization, it is well within my rights to have you… disciplined – both for assisting in the escape of a traitor and for sabotaging the dummy plug system."

Misato looked confused. "For… wait, what?"

"Doctor Akagi held a pathological dislike of the First Child," Gendou said levelly. "With her whereabouts unaccounted for, it is only logical that it was she who destroyed the system – and as you helped her escape, that makes you directly responsible."

"Whoa, back up," Misato protested, holding her hands out in front of her as if it could stop the Commander's words. "What does Rei have to do with the dummy plug system? And just because I hang out at work for a while, or take a long time in the can, doesn't make me a traitor!" Snapping her eyes to a point just over the commander's left shoulder, Misato stood at full attention. "Do what you have to do, Commander," she proclaimed, her tone icy and brittle (and only shaking a little). "My conscience is clear, and I haven't done anything wrong, so it's your soul that's at stake here, not mine."

The Commander's lips curved up into a razor thin smile… and Misato began to sweat.

"If you think for one moment that my soul would darken for having you removed, Major, you are sorely mistaken."

Rising to his feet, Gendou slowly walked around to the other side of his desk, clasping his hands behind his back and moving as if he had all the time in the world. Misato had to force herself not to turn her head as the Commander walked behind her and stood where she could not see him, his breathing the only indication that he had not left the room entirely.

"Tell me where she is."

Misato swallowed hard. "I don't know, sir," she whispered, all bravado falling away as she felt something cool brush lightly against the base of her skull. "Really, I don't know."

This is bad, she thought, wetting her lips and doing her best to keep her breathing under control. They won't even investigate it – I'll just be gone like… like Kaji…

She drew in a sharp breath as a soft 'click' echoed through the room.

"Tell me," Gendou repeated, "where she is…"

"Sir," Misato was proud that her voice didn't crack, "sir… I just don't know. I get lost easily – you know that. And the bathroom thing, ok, look, I… I've been drinking a little, but I swear – to god – I don't know where Ritsuko is."

Her knees trembled as the very real chance of her impending death hit her square in the face. I don't want to disappear, she thought, feeling oddly detached as the man behind her weighed the value of her life. I'm not ready yet – I still have so much to do. Ritsuko, goddamn y-

"Very well."

Misato's breath rushed out of her lungs as the cool pressure was withdrawn from the back of her neck, and she barely kept herself from wobbling on her feet as the Commander slowly made his way back to his chair.

"Take the rest of the day off to collect yourself," the man suggested dismissively. "I'll expect you on time for your shift tomorrow, and prepared to outline with Section Two every minute of your unaccounted time… is that clear?"

Not trusting herself to speak, Misato nodded.

"It is interesting," Gendou said smoothly, "that Doctor Akagi was never seen… leaving the complex… don't you think?"

Misato had to clear her suddenly dry throat. "Sir?"

Gendou gazed at her as she wiped her hands on her skirt. "The surveillance files," he explained, "show no sign of the doctor leaving the premises. The camera in her cell went dead around the time she escaped… but all of the cameras on the exits were up and running – according to the MAGI, anyway, so unless the MAGI have been tampered with, or she found a secret tunnel out through Terminal Dogma…"

Straightening her back, Misato whispered, "I don't know where she is… sir."

The two stared into each other's eyes for a long, long time before Gendou mused, "I believe you, Major… though I don't doubt for a moment that it was you that facilitated her escape."

"I-"

"However," the Commander interrupted, "there is a bigger issue to deal with right now, and that is the Seventeenth. My conditions are as follows – you will assist in the destruction of the final angel, recover Doctor Akagi, and bring her to me."

Misato could not help asking, "And if I can't…?"

There was no humor in the man's voice as he answered her and ended their conversation for the day.

"I don't think I have to say it out loud, do I?"

( 0 0 0 )

"Man, you guys packed quick!"

Hikari glanced up from her suitcase, giving Touji a faint smile as he glanced around her mostly empty room. "Well, you know how it is," she said lightly. "When half the city gets vaporized, you kinda get a little less picky about what you can leave behind."

Her smile slipped away as Touji absently nodded and mumbled, "Yeah, well, I already said sorry. Asuka was pissed, though – she said her favorite ramen stand was in the blast radius… like I did it on purpose or something."

"You know us girls," Hikari mused. "Even little things are important sometimes."

"I know, I know," Touji sighed, rolling his eyes and grabbing one of Hikari's teddy bears. Tossing the stuffed animal from one hand to the other, he said, "Never said I was the touchy-feely type, ya know? But you'd think she'd get over it. I mean, it's noodles for god's sake!"

Hikari shrugged, and they fell into silence.

"So what's up with the new kid?" Touji asked suddenly. "I leave for a few days, and this freaky gray-haired guy's popping up every damn place."

"I don't know," Hikari admitted reluctantly. "I mean, since school's been shut down, I've never actually met him. All I know is what I've heard from Asuka."

Touji shot the teddy bear into Hikari's suitcase as if it was a basketball. "Bet she hates him," he said confidently. "He kinda reminds me of Ayanami – and you know Asuka don't like her."

"You sure talk about her a lot," Hikari observed suddenly.

"Who?"

"…Asuka."

Touji snorted. "Yeah," he said dismissively, "cuz she bugs the hell out of me!"

Folding a tee shirt and setting it in her suitcase, Hikari whispered, "Is that what it is?"

"What else would it be?"

"I don't know," Hikari murmured. "I just thought…"

His brow furrowing in confusion as she trailed off, Touji prompted, "Thought what?"

Hikari bowed her head, allowing her hair to fall forward and hide her eyes. "I just thought maybe you two were friends or something, that's all."

"Nah," Touji chuckled. "Me and her don't get along… you know that."

"How is Shinji?"

Touji frowned at the sudden change in subject. "I dunno," he shrugged. "Good, I guess. Got pretty messed up in the fight," he averted his eyes as a particularly vivid image of Rei being together with him (or rather, with Shinji) flashed through his mind. "He's got Ayanami, though, so I'm sure he's doing good."

The memories he had been privy to were fading with time, but every now and then he could see Rei as clearly as if it had been him making the memories rather than Shinji. Oddly, even though he was a virgin and was terribly curious about the wonders of adulthood… he did not want Shinji's memories kicking around in his head.

Seeing his best friend with his girlfriend made him feel more than a little dirty and voyeuristic.

"You haven't visited him, have you?" Hikari whispered, slowly folding her suitcase closed. "You don't even know…"

Pursing his lips as Hikari trailed off, Touji prompted, "Know what?"

Hikari hesitated, poised on the verge of telling Touji everything she had heard about Shinji – how he was not being visited by Rei anymore, and how Asuka had said he was looking pale and edgy the last time she had visited, and how she and Asuka had discussed the possibility that Rei was seeing a very specific someone else. But love can be a cruel emotion, and the very thought of mentioning Asuka again after hearing her name so many times from Touji's lips skewed Hikari's sense of right and wrong, and instead of telling him the truth, she lied without reservation.

"You don't even know when he's getting out, do you?"

As Touji muttered that he did not, in fact, have this information, Hikari turned away and looked out the window at the painfully blue sky overhead, wondering if this was really the way she wanted to leave things with him.

"Hey, Asuka has that same shirt. Did you guys buy them at the same time?"

Touji never noticed the tears slipping down Hikari's cheeks… and he never understood why the last words she ever spoke to him were, "Could you please leave now?"

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji yawned, rubbing his eyes as he woke from a fitful sleep. What day is it? he wondered, staring upwards as he let his hands fall limp at his sides. Saturday… right? Does it even matter? I've been here so long this ceiling isn't even unfam-

"Good morning, Shinji Ikari."

The Third let out a little yelp, grabbing his sheet and pulling it up to his chin like a shield as he sat bolt upright in bed. "Who's the- oh," he said, his shoulders relaxing as he took in the shape of the person sitting in the room's visitor's chair, "are you, ummm, Nagisa?"

"I am," the other boy said genially, "it's a pleasure to finally meet you. I haven't had much of a chance to visit since getting here. My apologies."

Letting the sheet go (and trying not to feel too foolish) Shinji said, "No need to apologize. I mean, we don't even know each other."

"Ah, but I feel like I do know you," the boy named Nagisa said with a slight chuckle, "everyone talks so much about you. I feel like we've known each other, well, forever!"

"Oh, er, th-thanks…?"

Nagisa waved a hand. "Think nothing of it," he said, smiling almost indulgently. "I thought as long as I was in the area, I could stop by and give you the update that… Ibuki? Is that her name?"

"Maya," Shinji offered helpfully, noticing that Nagisa was holding a small clipboard, "she's one of the bridge engineers."

"Yes, her," Nagisa said, glancing down and paging through the notes on the little board. "She writes, 'Dear Shinji - Unit 01 should be back up and running in a few days, and you should be released pretty soon after that, so we should have you back in the saddle in no time.'"

Shinji, leaned forward in his bed, nodding eagerly. "Good… the sooner I get back, the better."

Nagisa let the papers fall back into place, his eyes wide as he said, "How strange! My understanding was that you hated piloting, Mister Ikari."

"It's different when you have something to lose," Shinji mused softly. "Now… now I want to fight – so I can protect… someone." His smile grew sad. "Even if she hasn't… visited much lately…"

"Ah, your… is it safe to call her your girlfriend?" the Fifth Child asked, smiling broadly as Shinji blushed. "No need for modesty," he said with a wink, "it seems to be common knowledge."

Shinji gave a weak laugh. "It is?" he said uncertainly, "I, umm, I guess it is, huh."

"Very much so," Nagisa assured him, tossing the clipboard carelessly on the table and rising to his feet. "May I be so bold as to ask… how you managed to win her over so completely?"

Glancing up, Shinji could not help but feel a little intimidated by the other boy's stance. He was smiling, and seemed at ease, but his eyes were intense – almost unblinking – and he was standing over Shinji's bed in such a way that if the Third had suddenly decided to run for the door, he could cut off any avenue of escape.

Now why would I think that? Shinji wondered, wetting his lips absently as the Fifth Child waited for a reply, It's a pretty basic question, right?

"I'm not sure I have," he admitted reluctantly, "I mean, when I said she hasn't visited very much, I mean like, before it was every day almost… but for the past two weeks, she hasn't been here for more than a few minutes at a time, and even that's only every couple or three days."

Nagisa nodded. "But do you feel close to her when she is here?" he pressed, leaning forward and grabbing the foot of Shinji's bed. "I've spoken to her a few times – or rather, tried to – but she seems single-minded and devoted… to you. I was curious about how that came to be."

Shinji turned a little green. He didn't want to tell this stranger all of the things he had done with Rei. They were private – and honestly, the other pilot made him just a touch uncomfortable.

Are his knuckles turning white…?

"Humans are such curious creatures," Nagisa observed softly. "I just don't understand sometimes."

"Well, I don't think anyone really understands people," Shinji replied, thankful for the change in topic, even if it was a little strange. "Ayanami once told me that humans fear the dark, so they chip away at it with fire and light," he said, smiling at the memory, "I think it's, I dunno, kinda the same for understanding each other. If we understand each other just a little, the world isn't so dark… if that makes sense…?"

Shinji wasn't even sure he understood it himself, but he felt like the concept was there, if not the actual explanation.

But Nagisa nodded. "That's fair," he allowed. "But as a whole, I mean – the whole race, struggling so hard to stay alive, fighting to remain stagnant while slowly slipping back. In my last home, those that…tended me would talk for hours on end of elevation and colonies of worthlessness, never seeing the irony in their words, or understanding that there is no elevation for their kind – there is only completion and the loss of individuality it brings." He shook his head. "Who would strive for that…?"

Lying still on the bed, Shinji said nothing for a moment. Finally, keeping his eyes on the other boy's face, he whispered, "Where was your other home, Nagisa?"

The Fifth gazed into Shinji's eyes, the crimson depths of his own making the Third shiver with the realization of their unfathomableness. "It doesn't really matter," he said with a small shrug, "the moon, if it makes you feel better for knowing."

Shinji laughed at the absurdity of it. "Oh, right, got it," he said, smiling weakly, "sorry, it was rude of me to ask."

Nagisa waved it away. "I feel like we may have gotten along very well, in other circumstances," he said, giving Shinji a smile as he turned to head towards the door. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Shinji Ikari. Goodbye."

"Don't say goodbye," Shinji replied without thinking. "That's… just too sad."

The Fifth Child looked over his shoulder in surprise, then slowly nodded. "Very well," he said indulgently, "How about… 'until next time'?"

Before Shinji could reply, the other boy left without another word.

( 0 0 0 )

Some things change. Some things remain constant. Some events may change. Some must play out as the universe has willed.

So has it ever been.

"Son of a bitch!"

Was it fate that brought her to the EVA cages that day? Asuka would never know. All she knew was that she was racing for her plug before the echo of the guard's gunshot had finished circling the EVA cage, the bullet he had fired bouncing harmlessly off of a shimmering, very visible, AT field.

Knew that kid was a freak, she thought, keying in the sequence to close the hatch as Kaworu Nagisa – the freak in question – shook his head and began to descend the linear shaft towards the heart of the base. Maybe I'll pretend it's Wondergirl when I pop his goddamn head off!

"Second Child," she shouted into the communications microphone, "ready for insertion!" She waited for two full seconds for a reply before screaming, "Hurry the fuck up – he's getting away!"

She gripped the butterfly controls as the entry plug suddenly lurched away from the gantry. Freakboy's an angel, she thought grimly. Shinji's still in the hospital… Touji's probably in the cafeteria or something stupid like that… Wondergirl's nowhere to be seen… I've got to take him down.

Unconsciously grinning at the thought of the upcoming violence, she growled, "I am gonna fuck… you… up."

"There's no time for a safe power-up," Maya's voice reported as the entry plug shuddered into place, "we're inserting you hot, Asuka… so as soon as the plug's in, we're cutting straight to stage three neural connection."

Asuka nodded. "Got it!" she said firmly. "Just hurry!"

Maya's voice was strained. "This might… tingle."

Before Asuka could reply, a jolt of agonizing pain shot through her entire body. Her vision swam with tears as Unit 02's neural pathways became her own, bypassing all the normal safety and warmup protocols.

"'Tingle' my ass," she gasped, blinking as the monitors to the outside world came online. "Get these damn restraints off so I can… aww screw it – I'll do it myself!"

Ramming the controls forward, Asuka willed the huge mecha into motion, forcing it to tear its way free of the restraints as the bridge crew tried to get them pulled back. She felt giddy and exhilarated. This was what she was meant for, not idling away hours in boring classes or hanging out with her boring housemates – Asuka was a warrior… and warriors were meant for battle.

"Come on," she growled, "come on, you stupid doll, hurry up!"

With a twist of the controls, she flung Unit 02 into the linear carriage, baring her teeth. Yes, combat was good. It let her vent her unspoken anger and forget all of her troubles – like her mother's death, and her stupid kanji grades, and hearts that she could never touch.

"Come on!"

"Target is descending slower than Unit 02," Aoba's voice declared. "Anticipate intercept in three minutes at level seventeen."

So I'll catch him, Asuka thought with brutal satisfaction. This is the last one… they told us there were seventeen, so this is it – and hey, I'll kill him on FLOOR seventeen, too! That's like, irony or something! Or would it be karma? …dogma?

"Pilot Souryu."

Asuka blinked. "Commander…?"

The Commander's face appeared in a small window just to the right of Asuka's head. "Destroy the angel," he ordered flatly. "Regardless of the cost, you must stop it – is that clear?"

"I was going to anyway," Asuka snorted, trying her best to keep her tone from turning sarcastic.

"Souryu."

"Yeah?"

"Regardless… of the cost."

Narrowing her eyes as she spotted a daub of gray in the darkness below her, Asuka willed Unit 02 to draw its progressive knife and whispered, "Got it…"

Another minute later, and she could see his face.

"Hello, Pilot Souryu."

"Hello, sheisskpof."

Asuka brought the progressive knife around in a sideways arc, aiming to cut the Fifth in half, but Unit 02's shoulder and arm shuddered as the blade in its hand was brought to an abrupt, complete stop.

"So it's true," she said coolly, eyeing the signature hexagonal shape of a very powerful AT field, "not that it was really a question, since you were floating and all."

Kaworu smiled, seemingly unconcerned by the fact that a huge, vibrating knife was hovering less than a foot from his body, held in check only by the light of his soul. "Yes, I'm afraid it is," he shrugged, "though I fear I simply don't have time to discuss it with you, Miss Souryu, nor do I have time to contend with your rampant emotions."

Sneering, Asuka muttered, "I hate to keep you from your busy schedule, but your ass isn't going anywhere – and what the hell do my emotions have to do with anything?"

"Your emotions," Kaworu explained, his voice echoing in the plug as if he was speaking to her over the comm link rather than the outside speakers. "They can be your greatest ally – your rage… I've seen your rage do amazing things, but I've also seen your synchronization ratio slowly sinking over the past few weeks, so-"

"How the hell do you know that?"

Kaworu sighed. "I am the Fifth," he said patiently, "and so I have access to all of your records… but what I was going to tell you is that your uncertainty and inability to let go of that which can never be yours is what is holding you back, and-"

"Shut up!" Asuka snapped. "Just shut up and die, you angel freak!"

Sighing a second time as Unit 02 reached out to seize him, Kaworu whispered, "…and in failing this way, you have lost touch with your only salvation."

In Unit 02's entry plug, Asuka smiled, showing all of her teeth as the mecha's huge red hand wrapped around the Fifth. But as she willed it to squeeze, the gray-haired youth closed his eyes… and Unit 02 froze in place, slumping forward a bit as if listening to a voice only it could hear.

"What are you doing?" Asuka hissed, yanking on the controllers as hard as she could. "Come on – move! You're my doll, god damn it, do what I- AHHHHH!"

She never knew what, exactly, hit her – all she knew was that one minute she was trying her best to kill an angel, and the next… Unit 02 was trying its best to kill her.

"AahhhhhHHHHH!"

Asuka's shrieks of agony rang through the command deck, making several people –Misato included – jump in surprise. Maya, monitoring Asuka's vital signs, tensely reported that there was some kind of unknown feedback from Unit 02, and that she could not buffer it.

"If you had understood sooner," Asuka heard Kaworu say through the pain, "she might have wanted to keep me out…"

Misato went white as a sheet as Maya hoarsely reported that according to the MAGI's calculations, if the feedback could not be stopped within next eight minutes, Asuka's brain would be cooked inside of her skull.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu left Unit 02 where it was, mildly lamenting the fact that its pilot would soon be as dead as his angelic brethren. So much potential, he mused as Asuka's shrieks of agony echoed in his mind, these Lilim… unbounded by limitations of the body and mind, but so hesitant and deluded in matters of emotion. Such a shame…

He stared at the lock on the portal known only as 'Heaven's Door,' and immediately, the mechanism released, cycling the door open and allowing him through as if it had been waiting for him and him alone.

Exerting his will, Kaworu stretched his AT field to its greatest potential, blocking out all communication so that the only thing he heard was the sound of his own breath, and Asuka's screams– and those would be fading away soon enough.

"Such a shame," he repeated, leaving Unit 02 writhing behind and advancing through Heaven's Door without a backward glance.

He glided, unobstructed, into Terminal Dogma, smiling softly to himself as he beheld the huge figure dominating the center of the room.

"Adam," he whispered reverently, reaching out with loving fingers to lay his hands upon the crucified being. "…AaB,aHaYK'uON."

A moment before making contact, he froze, his eyes widening as he realized exactly what he was looking at.

"Lilith…" he breathed, slowly letting his hand fall to his side. "Clever, Lilim… very clever."

He turned at the sound of a step behind him, smiling faintly as Rei slowly slipped out of the shadows.

"AeMeH," he said gently, "I… assume you knew about this?"

Rei nodded, advancing until she was within a foot of the gray-haired youth and halting as she felt his AT field push back against her. "Yes," she confirmed, "I knew."

Kaworu gave a shrug. "This will not stop me," he informed her. "There is nothing within this place that will, you know… and I can sense the Father – the presence is weak, but now that I know what to listen for, I will-

Raising a hand, Rei interrupted, waiting until she had his absolute attention. "I… have given much thought to what you are," she said quietly, "and to what I am. It is troubling to me that your presence affects me the way it does – and your arguments certainly hold some merit, but I am still so unsure… of everything. How can I be sure that my happiness lies with you, rather than Ikari?"

Kaworu considered this question. "Because you can sense it," he said finally. "We are two incomplete pieces, calling out to one another. It is proper for it to end this way. I know you can feel it, AeMeH… just as I knew you would come to me, eventually." He regarded her for a moment, then whispered, "Have you come to me? The first time we spoke, you said-"

Holding his gaze as he cut himself off, Rei softly replied, "You sense that Adam is close. I know exactly where."

"And you would bring me to him?" Kaworu said cautiously. "You know this is the proper order of things."

"I cannot," Rei replied, her voice holding genuine sadness. "What I may have been – what we may have been… is irrelevant. All that matters is what is, and what will be."

"Then what…" the Fifth trailed off, his brow furrowing as he suddenly felt immense pressure against his AT field.

He had his answer.

The struggle, though incalculable by human standards, was silent – almost serene. The AT fields of the seventeenth and the second pressed against one another, flowing, probing, recoiling, redoubling, all while the two Children stared deeply into each other's eyes. In that breath of time, worlds opened. Each saw other paths. Each saw other endings. There were joyous times… fields of stars as playgrounds… the interlacing of two souls beyond comprehension… times of strife… times of blood… times of ecstasy.

They saw moments together – truly together, as the progenitors had intended. True unity. Unending happiness. Unending misery. Loss of self. Gaining of… more than a human mind could grasp without losing sanity.

And in one second, a crack. A splintering.

Kaworu gasped, slumping forward into the arms of the one he wanted above all others. "AeMeH… why?" he whispered, trying to tilt his head back to look into her eyes.

Rei's breath was soft and warm in his ear as she held him close to her chest, her fingers gently caressing the back of his neck as she forced her will – forced her AT field – into his. "It is as I said when we first met," she murmured. "For those most valuable to me… I would do…"

The Fifth Child's AT field collapsed, his body losing coherence with a barely audible sigh and leaving Rei standing alone, holding his empty shirt tightly against her chest.

"…anything."

( 0 0 0 )

Within the command deck, all was silent.

Technicians, support personnel, even the Commander himself watched wordlessly as the timer on the main screen inexorably ran towards zero. Everything would be over soon.

"We had no choice…"

Misato's voice was the first thing to break the silence since the self-destruct sequence had been initiated. No one replied to her observation because there was nothing that could be said. There was no alternative. As the Commander said, the angel must be stopped at all cost.

Unable to bear the stillness, Misato said, "Is Shinji in the plug yet?"

Maya' frayed patience snapped. "Even once he gets there, it won't do any good," she blurted. "It's four minutes to Terminal Dogma… and there's only three minutes left until… "

"Get a hold of yourself," Misato hissed. "Look, it's four minutes to Terminal by conventional routes."

"What do you mean?"

Misato leaned forward, putting her mouth right next to Maya's ear. "Get Shinji to that plug," she whispered, "and I will get him where he needs to be."

Scrubbing at her eyes, Maya nodded. "Y-yes ma'am," she hiccupped, turning to her computer and grabbing her seldom-used headset. Keying it to Section Two's frequency, she quickly said, "I need a status update on your progress. How far is the Third from the EVA cages?"

As Maya listened to the response, Misato turned away and folded her arms tightly across her stomach in an attempt to squash the sudden wave of nausea that threatened to overwhelm her. She hated lying to Maya, but – like activating the self-destruct system – there really was no other choice.

What good would it do to let the woman's last minutes on Earth be filled with terror and hopelessness?

She glanced up as a hand landed gently on her shoulder, and as she turned, she found herself face to face with Makoto Hyouga. "Makoto," she said unevenly, "I'm… look, I'm sorry about all of this, but-"

"I don't care," Makoto cut in softly, "as long as I can be with you…"

Misato averted her eyes, flushing faintly at the intensity in the man's eyes. "Thank you," she murmured awkwardly. "Makoto, I think… I mean, I know I haven't really been… fair to you, so when this is all over I'd… I'd like to… umm… maybe we…"

"You always did have a way with words, Misato."

All eyes flew to the speakers overhead as a cool, familiar voice boomed out of them.

"The countdown," Maya shouted, "it's… it's stopped! Everything's going back to normal – does that mean the angel's-"

"Sure looks that way, doesn't it?" the voice cut in. "It seems that your doll was just as effective as you had hoped."

One by one, the consoles in front of the technician's went dark, leaving only Maya's before it too fell blank. Everyone looked to the Commander, but Gendou simply rose to his feet and placed his hands flat on his desk.

"Doctor Akagi," he said coolly. "Explain yourself."

"Explain myself?" the voice replied smoothly. "It's really quite simple."

A collective gasp went up in the command room as all of the lights went out, leaving the entire room in the dark with the exception of a single overhead light, bathing the Commander in its harsh, synthetic glow.

"This facility…is now under my direct control."

To be Concluded…

Notes: I have no notes for this version.

Hawker748 pre-read this chapter and offered some timely advice and suggestions.