Timing of this fic - early season 1, pre-kiss, pre-stuff happening between them, and I guess kind of AU in that my retelling of tension between them is all lumped together for the sake of this story.

AND! Lastly: I know the brief is 'Christmas Fun!' and this chapter does not read as anything fun, but I'm not sure I can write a story without a little angst. I promise to include SOME kind of fun at some point!

Chapter 2: That time of year

One meeting.

Just one.

That was all that Rayna would agree to with Deacon before the upcoming gig, and she didn't even want that – she knew they could easily wing it on the night, because no matter what state their personal relationship was in, making music with Deacon came as naturally as breathing; like it just existed somewhere inside them and all they had to do was set it free – but Bucky had insisted that they needed one get-together to discuss a set list and run through the finer details of the gig.

First to arrive at the Edgehill meeting room, Rayna couldn't help but feel a little antsy. Aside from curt nods and cursory passing greetings, she and Deacon hadn't spoken for the past two weeks, so the thought of being face to face with him in this small space was making her edgy. And irritable. She didn't want to deal with this right now. Even though, deep down, she knew that this tension and distance between them had stemmed from her.

It had probably started with the tour.

It was a concept that had been on the cards for a while, but finally it felt like the right time to do it. The two of them; a couple of accompanying musicians; intimate venues; small audiences; all the old songs.

Dates and locations had been planned; commitments had been rearranged; Deacon had declined other big paying jobs to commit to this with her… and then they had dusted off some of the old numbers.

Singing those emotionally-charged, deeply personal, raw songs with him had made her realise that this tour would open a door to a place inside her that had been closed for a long time. One that she didn't want opened. One that wouldn't be easy to close again.

So, she'd backed out at the last minute.

And although he'd accepted her decision graciously, she knew he'd taken it personally - she knew she'd hurt him (especially because she'd had Bucky deliver the blow rather than break the news to him herself).

Then, because she'd found herself with a gap in her schedule and her income, Rayna signed on to be the face for a line of commercial beauty products. As part of a televised advertising campaign, they'd wanted to use one of her songs and change the lyrics to fit the brand, but to do that, Deacon, as co-writer, needed to sign off on the changes. And whether it was out of spite or because he was genuinely upset that she was willing to sell out over something that was so personal to them, she wasn't sure, but his answer was still a definite 'no'.

Things had kind of snowballed after that. And not in the fun, wintery, snow fight kind of way.

A cold space had opened up between them, and Rayna knew that she was pushing him out, holding him at arm's length, and Deacon, so attuned to her, keenly felt every sharp inch of distance that she was initiating.

And then the cracks had started to show on stage.

It hadn't helped that Juliette Barnes was openly trying to poach him. Right under Rayna's nose. Offering him more money, more perks, flirting her cute, young ass off, and although Rayna would never admit it out loud, yeah, maybe that made her a little jealous.

So, they'd had a disagreement, one thing led to another, and she'd ended up telling him they couldn't work together. Firing him, essentially. And THEN he'd taken Juliette up on her offer and was now her lead guitarist. And that was something that Rayna hadn't expected to sting so much – seeing him so musically close with someone else. Even though she'd been the one to push him there, it still felt like a sucker punch.

But what was really grating on her was the fact that the further away she pushed Deacon, the more of her headspace he occupied. The worse she felt. And whether it was a coincidence or not that this had all started right around the time that she'd realised her marriage to Teddy was seriously, unsalvageably on the rocks, she wasn't willing to investigate. Because that would open up a whole other realm of things that she just couldn't deal with right now.

So, after jittering around the room and straightening one of the paintings on the wall for the hundredth time - glaring at it as if it were deliberately skewing a little to the left just to irk her - Rayna suddenly sensed his presence.

"Rayna."

His voice, her name.

An involuntary shiver ran through her, and she had to take a quick steadying breath before turning around.

He'd always had this way of saying her name, like a long pour of maple syrup on pancakes.

Slow and smooth and sweet as hell.

Made her mouth water.

"Deacon." she returned, her tone cool to counteract the traitorous fire inside. It riled her that the fire still burned, even all these years later.

After so many years in the public eye, Rayna was adept at putting on a front, keeping up appearances, plastering on a convincing smile, no matter what else was going on. Deacon had always been terrible at that. His heart was blatantly on his sleeve and his emotions clearly in his eyes.

Sometimes she wondered if that were part of the reason his music was so moving. Because his soul simmered so close to his surface.

But that was also why, when she locked eyes with him, the hurt and resentment that glittered so brightly and candidly forced her to quickly avert her gaze.

Dammit. Rayna cursed internally.

This gig was a very bad idea. How could they possibly conjure up the beauty and feeling and believability of their old songs when they were like this?!

But they couldn't back out of this one.

Faye Howard was Nashville born and bred and a friend of Watty White's since way back. She'd even known Rayna's mother - so when Rayna had dipped her toes into the country music scene back in the day, Faye had been there, cheering her on. A beautiful pianist, she'd even accompanied Rayna on some impromptu gigs at The Bluebird over the years until arthritis stole her ability to navigate the keys. Way back in April, Faye had personally asked Rayna if she and Deacon would perform for her son Hank's 30th wedding anniversary. Hank and Emmy had met up at The Ambrose Inn, a quaint, historic little venue some hours north of Nashville, and they'd decided to celebrate this anniversary by having a small gathering there and Faye wanted Rayna and Deacon to perform as her gift to Hank and Emmy. Rayna, of course, had agreed without hesitation, however, not long following the request, Faye had been diagnosed with an aggressive and inoperable brain tumour, and within two months she was gone.

So, no. They couldn't back out of this one.

But right now, Rayna wasn't sure that they'd even be able to pull off a worthy performance.

Thankfully, just then, Bucky breezed in.

"Good morning!" he greeted them enthusiastically, in the hopes that if he kept things light then they would too. He was acutely aware of the recent tension between them and could only hope that they'd be able to pull things together the way they always had before the gig. "How are we all doing today?"

"Kind of swamped, actually." shrugged Rayna, somewhat apologetically. "So, if we could just get straight to it, that would be great."

"Right." Bucky gestured for them both to have a seat at the table with him. "So, let's quickly go over the schedule – on the 21st they want you at The Ambrose by 6:30 for a 7 o'clock start. Play for an hour, then break for maybe a half hour for toasts, speeches, things like that; then back on for another 45 to an hour. Then you're done!" Bucky clapped his hands together and sent a cheerful smile around the table, despite the fact it wasn't returned. "Oh, also, they've reserved rooms for you at The Ambrose so-"

"Oh, no, I won't be staying over." Rayna cut in quickly. "I'll be coming back home right after."

Bucky's eyebrows shot up. "Are you sure? It's a good two-and-a-half-hour drive there - I didn't think you'd want to be travelling all the way back here so late…"

"It's fine." Rayna assured him. "Daphne has a Christmas concert the next day, so I'd rather just come home after we finish."

Bucky then turned to Deacon, questioning. "Ok… is that alright with you, Deacon? Come back that-"

"I'm stayin'. Seems a little silly to drive that road back late at night." he stated mildly, although Rayna felt the dig.

"Right. Well, that means you two will need to make your own way there separately, is that-"

"Great!" declared Rayna at the same time that Deacon said, "Works for me."

Gaze flitting between the two of them, Bucky then sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Fine. I'll cancel your room, Rayna, if you want to come straight home. Ok-" He pushed a piece of paper across the table. "This is the list of songs that Faye had requested, so order them how you want and add in whatever else to fill in the time slot."

Deacon's eyes flicked down the list.

"Gonna be able to handle this, Ray?" he asked, his tone a little bitter. "Ain't them songs the reason you didn't want to do the tour?"

Although her chest had constricted at the sight of the set list, Rayna managed to keep her tone level. "I'm sure I'll be able to make it through one night. I mean, we are professionals, after all."

She hadn't meant to sound condescending, but it came out that way and Deacon gave an unimpressed snort at her comment.

Turning her attention back to the list, Rayna tapped a finger on the paper. "These are all very slow numbers. Maybe we should switch some out for something more upbeat. Some of the newer stuff."

Bucky shook his head. "It's a wedding anniversary, Rayna. They don't want upbeat. They want love songs. Romance."

That word caused both Rayna and Deacon to suddenly, intently study the tabletop.

A long, uncomfortable moment passed, then Bucky drummed his fingers on the wood. "Alright… are we all good here, then? Do you want to run through a few of the songs to-"

"No!" replied Rayna and Deacon simultaneously.

"Guys." Bucky had always stayed well away from any personal drama between the two of them, and certainly, there had been many ups and downs over the years, but he was tired and prepared to say one thing, just once. "I'm sure it feels unsurmountable right now, but please don't let everything that you have crumble just because of whatever this is. You're so much bigger than that. So much more."

Both Rayna and Deacon flushed a little, and surprisingly, it was Deacon that spoke up first.

"We got this, Buck. Don't we, Ray? After all, it's that time of year. We'll tap into a little of that Christmas spirit and it'll all be just fine."

His flippant comment struck Rayna like a ton of bricks.

That time of year.

Sleigh bells and snowmen; candy canes and carols; tinsel and trees and all the trimmings…

Used to be Rayna's favourite.

The magic of Christmas; the joy; the excitement; the goodwill and cheer.

Not anymore.

Not for many years.

The festive joy had been replaced by a little festive heart ache.

A light drag in her chest every time December descended.

It had been so easy to ignore at first – she had a newborn baby, and then, years later, another one, and kids were such a good distraction. Such a good way to keep the focus far from herself.

But as Maddie and Daphne had grown older, the magic of the holidays had lessened and Rayna was starting to become acutely aware that, when she took a quiet moment away from the chaos of the season, there was an ache, an emptiness, a longing, that reverberated from deep inside her. A void that had been gaping for many years.

It had been full, though, once.

Brimming.

Their first kiss had been under mistletoe.

And although it felt like a lifetime ago, Rayna still remembered every detail.

It was a clear, crisp evening and they had just finished a set at the winter market and were wandering around the stalls even though most vendors had packed up for the night. They were still on a high from their performance - the music always sent them soaring. And then Rayna had slipped over. Just skidded on a patch of ice and fell on her butt, nearly knocking the florist's table sideways. That had given Rayna a case of the giggles and she was laughing too hard to push herself back up. And when Deacon dropped to his knees in front of her and tried to hoist her up under her arms, that only made her giggle more, sending Deacon into fits right along with her. Then she'd tipped her head back, and directly above her, only just balancing on the edge of the table was a mistletoe wreath.

"Would ya look at that." she'd murmured, and then all of a sudden their amusement disappeared like smoke on a breeze and a whole different vibe settled over them.

One she hadn't experienced before.

And when she'd gazed at Deacon there was a dark, ardent intensity in his eyes and she hadn't experienced that before either.

This time when he leaned closer and slid his hands around her back it wasn't to help her up. He kissed her right there under the florist's table on the cold, slushy ground. A kiss that was soft and slow and sparked her body with such heat that she didn't care if she sat there forever. Eventually they made it to their feet, but the kissing didn't stop. They barely came up for air the rest of that night, and that was it for them. They had tumbled right into one another and there was no looking back. Deacon had first stirred her with music months before, and then he had awakened her in every other way and she had never felt so alive, so electric, so luminous.

That Christmas had been the most magical time of her life because it was the first time that Rayna had lived.

And every Christmas with him after that had held an intensified sense of enchantment, like this time of year was theirs.

Then, after them, the magic of the festive season had dulled, fizzled out, for Rayna.

Lights didn't seem so bright, songs not so sweet.

Everything just a little less without him.

It was that time of year, and around her, everyone brightened and cheered - yet there was a space inside her that widened and gnawed and ached, and no matter how much she tried to fill it up, cover it over, she could never achieve the magic that once was. The best she could do was rush through this season and fill up her time and hope that she could keep too busy to acknowledge the Deacon-shaped void inside her.

Just get through this goddamned time of year.