Chapter 64 Trouble on the Homefront

It was the first of July and Rosemary had one month left before her due date. Elizabeth was approximately one and a half months from her due date. The men were having a hard time adjusting to the major changes in their relationship. The men had been told over and over to not take it personally. But it was getting harder and harder for Lucas to accept that response.

Lucas had sent a letter to Carson in Baltimore asking about birth control options and had just received a letter back. He sat down at his desk in his home office to read the letter, making sure to lock the door behind him. He pulled out all the information and the pamphlets and laid them on his desk while he read Carson's response to his own letter he had sent.

My Friend,

Things are going well here in Baltimore. I have one year left on my surgical residency and then it is on to something else. I am enjoying Baltimore and the big city life. Thanks for asking.

I know things with you and Elizabeth seem rocky right now, but everything will change once the babies are born. Please try to stay positive. There is a new more permanent surgical procedure that is only performed in Chicago that was first used in 1897. It is called a Vasectomy. I have enclosed some pamphlets for you to read over and deeply think about before you make a decision. I strongly encourage you too wait until after Elizabeth has the babies to make this decision. As of right now there is no way to reverse the procedure once it has been done and this decision should not be taken lightly.

Your Friend,

Carson Shepherd

Lucas picked up the pamphlets when he heard the door knob turn. "Lucas are you in there? Why is this door locked?" Elizabeth asked concerned.

"Just a moment Elizabeth, I am coming." He said quickly trying to put the pamphlets somewhere; he stuffed them in his pocket. He was not ready to address this with Elizabeth quite yet. He opened the door. "What's the matter love?"

"Lucas, why were you in here with the door locked? You never lock the door to your home office." She said with a frustrated and curious tone.

He didn't even know what to say, he didn't want to lie to her but wasn't prepared to deal with the incredible amount of drama it would cause if she had found out he was asking Carson about birth control options. He reached out his arm to usher her into his office and when he did the pamphlet fell out of his pocket. He quickly bent down to pick it up, hoping she did not enquire about it.

"Lucas what was that? Why were you in here with the door locked?" She asked again.

He knew at this point honesty was the honorable thing to do. "Elizabeth, the door was locked because I was reading a private letter from Carson and did not want someone to come in here."

"What could be so secretive about Carson's letter?" She asked.

"It was a conversation between men and I do not feel comfortable sharing its contents with you at this time." He said honestly.

"You don't feel comfortable?" She said her tone now angry. "Lucas Bouchard what is in your pocket? Show it to me now." Her voice was now demanding.

He pulled out the pamphlet and handed it to her, not wanting to have this discussion before she gave birth, but knowing it was now inevitable that they address the issues in their relationship.

Elizabeth read the pamphlet and immediately was brought to tears. "Why didn't you tell me you didn't want to have any more children? I can't believe that you would do this."

"Elizabeth I have not done anything yet. All I've done is ask for information. I was going to talk to you about this after the birth." He explained. "If I'm being honest Elizabeth, this pregnancy has put a mountain between us and I absolutely can't stand it. You are constantly shutting me out and pushing me away. I don't even know what I have done. All I want is to support you, take care of you and comfort you, but you won't let me. I love you so much and I feel like you want to do this all by yourself." He said the emotion now heard in his voice.

"Lucas, I never intended on shutting you out. I guess it has to do with the fact that I don't feel appealing myself and I am afraid you won't want me anymore." She said the tears now flowing out of her eyes like waterfalls.

He grabbed her and pulled her close now wiping the tears from her eyes with the pads of his thumbs. "Why didn't you just tell me that?" He asked gazing into her eyes.

"I don't know. I guess I was scared too and just thought if I excluded you than you wouldn't see my less appealing side." She sniffed.

"Elizabeth the fact that you are carrying our children inside of you makes you even more appealing to me. I wish you could understand how much I ache to be close to you. The fact that you have distanced from me has basically been unbearable. I don't want it to go on any longer. I love you more with each passing day and nothing is going to change that. I have to know I am there for you and can support you and if you don't let me, I don't feel like an honorable man. I can assure you Elizabeth, you are more beautiful today than you were the day I met you. All I want is to hold you, touch you, and kiss you the way I used too and for you to let me and enjoy it. Promise me we will walk and talk through this last month and a half together like we used too. I am not going anywhere and will never stop finding you appealing." He said now pulling her face to his and brushing his lips with hers.

"I promise." She said returning his kiss. "Lucas are you really wanting to have this Vasectomy?" She asked concerned.

"Elizabeth, let's channel this discussion until after you give birth, alright?" He said it to be more of a question than a statement. "I don't want you to worry about this right now."

He pulled her close and then walked her back to their bedroom sensing she was exhausted and needed a nap. "Lucas, will you lay with me?" She asked with pleading eyes.

He crawled up next to her and pulled her close while rubbing her stomach and kissing her temple and felt relief for the first time in over a month that maybe they had solved their issues and could move forward in a more positive state of mind for both of them.