Chapter Eleven
I knew you, stepping on the last train, marked me like a bloodstain
I knew you, tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy
"Bella!"
My eyes fly open in the dark as I hear a voice call my name. I must have fallen asleep. My eyes are sore and my throat is dry and my face is sticky from dried-up tears. As I gather my senses I hear my name being called again and the front door slamming.
Alice?
No...two sets of footsteps...
I lean up on one elbow just as my bedroom door bursts open. Alice and Rose stand in my doorway, illuminated by the kitchen light.
"Bella" Alice says quietly as she enters my bedroom. "Are you alright? What's going on?" she asks, walking around the room, turning on a couple of lamps so that she can see me.
I sit up properly on the bed and look at them both.
"Nothing." I say, my voice monotone and sore from crying earlier. "What are you guys doing here anyway?" I ask.
"We came to see if you were alright" Rose says quietly. "You ran out of the apartment like your pants were on fire. I tried to catch up with you before you left but you'd already gone by the time we got to the lift."
"So what's going on?" Alice asks again, sitting on the side of the bed and crossing her arms across her chest.
"Nothing. I told you when I left that I didn't feel well". I say, shrugging a little, swallowing the lump in my throat.
"Then how come you've been crying?" She persists. I look at them both. I don't have an answer.
After a few moments of silence, Rose speaks, her voice loud in the quiet room.
"Is it Edward?" she asks. My eyes flash to hers, wide with surprise. She stares back at me, her gaze unwavering.
"Edward?" Alice asks, looking at Rose, her voice full of confusion. "Why would this have anything to do with Edward?"
Rose is silent, waiting to see if I'll answer. I don't.
"Because Bella and Edward have been seeing each other". She says, continuing to stare me down.
Alice gasps slightly and turns to look at me, her eyes wide, her mouth hanging open.
"Bella...is that true?" She asks, after a beat of silence.
Suddenly, it's all too much. All the secrets, all the feelings, all the hurt, all the wishful thinking, all the ignoring of what has been plainly obvious all this time. I sigh, my shoulders slumping heavily, and nod, feeling the tears starting to fall again.
"You need to tell us everything," Rose says calmly, reaching out a hand and taking my own. "No more secrets."
I nod a little, and sniff, wiping my tears away. I open my mouth to say something but I don't have the words.
"I don't know where to start" I say, sighing.
"The beginning is normally a good place" Alice says, rubbing my arm encouragingly. I smile at her a little.
"It all started the night of Emmett's birthday party" I begin. "You and Jasper went to get ice cream and Edward said he'd make sure I got home safely." Alice nods, remembering. "Well, he did, but when we got here I asked if he wanted to come in for a coffee...I don't know why..." I continue, shrugging a little.
"Anyway, when he came up, we had coffee and it was like...the atmosphere changed all of sudden...and then we were kissing and touching and...we slept together." I look up, feeling my cheeks burn from the admission. They just stare back, waiting for me to continue.
"In the morning, when I woke up, he'd gone and I was so horrified at what I'd done. I was literally considering moving to Phoenix to live with my mom and Phil when Alice came in and told me you were all coming for brunch."
"I remember now" Alice says. "You were acting really weird and I couldn't work out why".
I nod at her before continuing.
"Well, I didn't have time to think of what to do so I just had to go along with it. I was so sure that Edward would feel as mortified as me and maybe even embarrassed but when he arrived, he just...winked at me." I say.
"Then you and Jasper went out for a walk after and I called Edward a taxi. It was like...the moment we were left alone we couldn't keep our hands off of one another. We only stopped because we were interrupted by the cab." I say, my words coming out faster. "As he left I told him we needed to talk about whatever was happening and he called me that night."
"And he suggested...?" Rose prompts.
"He suggested that we didn't give what was happening a name. He suggested that we came to a kind of arrangement...a kind of...I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine...thing" I say, feeling my blush amplify.
"And you agreed?" Alice asks.
"Yeah. I mean, he kind of made sense. There was obviously an attraction and neither of us were seeing anyone else, if we did meet someone we'd call it off and there'd be no hard feelings." I tell her. "Also it was kind of...exciting you know?" I shrug, feeling my face heat up. "I've never been that kind of person before."
"So...did you just...text and meet up for sex or was it...more?" Alice asks, looking a little awkward. I understand her question though.
"At first it was just sex. You and Jasper went out to lunch for a date and I went over to Edward's. We had sex and then I left." I tell them, feeling a little bit of shame in the pit of my stomach.
"But then...we started to spend more time together too. Don't get me wrong, we were still having sex but...we...hung out I guess." I say with a shrug. "When you and Jasper went away for the weekend to Virginia, he spent the entire weekend here. He took me out to lunch and showed me parts of the city I'd never been to and then on Sunday, we went to the market near their apartment and took a ferry tour in the afternoon. He cooked me dinner and we watched TV. It was nice. He was nice." I say, feeling fresh tears in my eyes. "He told me things too, personal things, private things that made me feel like he trusted me. And I trusted him."
"So what went wrong?" Alice asks, gently.
I'm silent, unable to say the words.
"Tanya" Rose answers for me. I nod.
"Tonight, when I went to get our Bailey's...I walked in on Edward and Tanya kissing" I say, my voice wobbling over the words.
Alice looks shocked, Rose looks pissed.
"That fucking bitch" Rose seethes.
"I can't believe Edward! What was he thinking?!" Alice cries.
"Technically, Edward is unattached and so he can kiss whoever he wants Alice." I say, feeling my tears start again.
"I'm sorry Bella but if what you describe is true you were not just friends with benefits...you were practically dating!" Alice continues. Rose nods in agreement.
"Well clearly not in his eyes" I whisper.
We're all silent for a moment before Rose speaks.
"Bella...I wouldn't necessarily blame Edward." She says quietly, my eyes flashing to hers. "I'm not saying he's not a complete and total moron but you might find things aren't exactly as they seem. I know for a fact that Tanya is willing to make the moves on anyone, regardless of marital status, if she thinks they're her golden cigar" Rose continues. "Maybe Edward wasn't a willing participant in the incident."
"He still kind of encouraged it" I say to Rose. "He talked to her, laughed with her, danced with her at your party, sat next to her tonight..."
"Yeah. But we also know that Edward is the king of the calm and hates to rock the boat so maybe he was just...being polite and Tanya took that as a green light." Rose reasons.
I'm silent, thinking over her words.
"Look B, from where I'm sitting, it sounds like you and Edward had something that was more than sex...to both of you. He chose to spend time with you. He confided in you. He chose to cook for you, which by the way, I didn't even know he could do." Rose cries, making me laugh a little.
"Yeah Bells, as a wise woman once told me, 'give him the courtesy of having a little faith'". Alice says, smiling softly at me.
"What do you want Bells?" Rose asks me.
I look at her, thinking about her question.
What do I want? I don't know.
"I don't know" I say quietly.
"Well maybe that's what you need to work out before you make a decision one way or the other about Edward." She reasons.
I nod a little. We're all quiet for a while, lost in our own thoughts until I speak.
"I think I'm going to go and see my dad for the weekend." I say softly.
"Your dad?" Alice asks, her eyebrows raised.
"Yeah. I know he's working over the Christmas weekend, next week, so I won't be able to see him then. Maybe a weekend away, out of the city, will give me a bit of time to decide what I need to do." I say with a shrug.
Alice nods slowly, Rose hums.
"Do you want to ring him now?" Rose asks. I glance over at the clock and see it's only just coming up to midnight. I nod, grabbing my phone and dialing the number. On the third ring he picks up.
"Chief Swan" I hear Charlie's voice through the phone.
"Hi dad" I answer.
"Bells? What's wrong? Are you okay?" He asks, his voice is slightly panicked. I can hear the TV in the background.
"Yeah I'm fine um...I know this is a bit last minute but I wondered if I could come stay...this weekend?" I ask. He's silent for a moment.
"Yeah of course you can Bells. I'm actually off this weekend, only on emergency calls, so that would be fine with me. Are you sure everything's alright though?" He says.
"Yeah I just thought, it would give me a chance to give you your Christmas present and...hang out." I reply.
"Okay" He says. "You want me to pick you up from the station?" he asks. "What time you expecting to arrive?"
"Er..." I look at the clock. If I packed now I could get the last train at 3am and be in Port Angeles by seven. "7am?" I reply, wincing a little as I wait for him to answer.
"Oh...ok. I'll be there B. You just make sure you get here safely." He says, his voice a little surprised by my sudden trip and the fact that I'm literally coming now. "You still got that pepper spray I gave you?" He asks. I roll my eyes.
"Yes dad" I sigh. "I'll see you in the morning."
"Okay Bells. Night" He replies before hanging up the phone.
Alice and Rose look at me.
"You're going tonight?" Alice asks. I nod. They both eventually nod and stand from the bed. Rose says she should probably get going anyway as Emmett will be waiting for her.
"How did you know?" I ask her as we reach the door to say goodbye. She turns and looks at me.
"I had a feeling something was different between the two of you at Alice's birthday. Edward was off all night about something but when he danced with you, it was like his whole face lit up. He seemed calmer, lighter just by being near you. Then tonight, the look on your face when Tanya sat next to Edward, I was pretty sure I knew how you felt. I realised something had obviously been going on between the two of you when I saw Edward stare after you when you ran out of the apartment." Rose says to me.
"That's why I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Take your time this weekend, enjoy seeing your dad, but maybe when you come back...consider hearing him out." She whispers.
I sigh but nod a little. We hug goodbye and then I head back into my room to pack. I spend the next few hours getting my stuff together before Alice calls me a taxi. She helps me down to the lobby with my small suitcase and hugs me tight before waving me off.
As the car speeds through the night, I think about the girls' reactions. They weren't as horrified as I expected them to be and to be honest, I do feel better having finally told someone. It makes it seem more real, like it did actually happen and wasn't just some dream.
Half an hour later the cab pulls up outside of the station. At this time of night, it's pretty much empty so I quickly pay for my ticket and walk through the barrier to the platform. I sit on one of the benches as I wait and check my phone again. There are three more missed calls from Edward and a few more texts. I read each one, my heart stuttering a little with every word.
It wasn't what it looked like, Bella. - E
There's been no one else but you - E
Please Bella, just listen to my side - E
I quickly type a reply, blowing my cheeks out as I do.
I'm sorry too. I don't blame you Edward. We were never together so you did nothing wrong. I just need a little time to think. To find my way out of my own head. Take care of yourself - B
I press send before I can reconsider and send Allie a quick message saying I'm going to be turning off my phone for the weekend but she can get me at my dad's if she needs me. I then turn my phone off and lean back on the bench, thinking about what Rose said.
Give him a chance. Hear him out. Have a little faith.
Maybe I should...
Or maybe I shouldn't. From the beginning, I knew how this would go, knew how the story would end. So why waste my time trying to change it? After all, this isn't Neverland. You can't make everything better by having faith, trust and pixie dust.
Give it time. Give it the weekend. Then see how you feel.
I hear Rose's voice echo in my head.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by the train pulling into the station. I grab my bag and make my way to the door, shivering slightly from the breeze as they slide open. I take a deep breath and step into the carriage, catching the last train out of Seattle.