Thank you all for your lovely reviews!
This chapter is not very eventful but still I consider it important for the story overall. So, I hope you'll like it!
Wedding bells and broken hearts
Chapter 6
Amy
The morning sun shone brightly when Amy opened her eyes. She was still curled up at Sheldon's side, just like she had been when Sheldon had fallen asleep.
It felt surreal, waking up like this. Oh, the irony. For five years she had wanted to wake up in his arms and now that they were broken up it was finally happening.
With Sheldon still asleep she allowed herself to nuzzle up closer to him. She let her hand brush over his flannel-covered, firm belly while she listened to his steady heartbeat. It was heaven. And hell at the same time.
It had taken her longer to find sleep this time. Too many thoughts were running wild in her head. And they were there again now after waking up. His revelation had changed things. Big time.
He was not indifferent to their break-up. He was not glad to be rid of her. He suffered. Maybe just as much as she did.
Guilt washed over her. She had never meant to hurt him.
She would never forget anguished he had looked when he had apologized to her. She could hardly believe Sheldon Cooper had apologized. Without being asked to.
She looked around in the room and then back to Sheldon who was still sleeping soundly.
Had he really planned this, when he had booked this room? Was it possible that he had wanted them to share a bed? All the evidence pointed to it.
She did not even dare to think about what could have possibly happened between them here. Of course, she knew what she would have hoped to happen. Shivers ran down her spine just imagining it.
But even if he had just planned to sleep here next to her, it was already more than she had ever expected to happen in the near future.
Just booking a hotel room like any normal couple, going to bed and waking up the next day together.
Maybe this would have been the step forward she had been hoping to happen for so long now.
Maybe she really had misjudged him. Maybe that feeling that she had buried deep inside was true after all.
His apology just hours before led her to suspect that maybe he really cared more about her than she had let herself believe.
The wall around her heart that she had started to build a while ago was beginning to crumble.
But still, it did not change how she had felt when he had mentioned the Flash during their anniversary.
Or when she had found out about his application to Mars One just when they had wanted to get a turtle.
When he had ignored her attempts to intimacy. When she had felt unwanted. Undesirable. Unimportant.
And of course, that horrible time when he had left on a train-trip after she had suggested moving forward in their relationship, leaving her behind wondering if she would even still have a boyfriend when he returned. Cursing herself for pressuring him and causing him to run.
She had tried to convince herself she was better off without him.
But now, after spending two days with him, away from everyone else. After having him comfort her, after hearing him apologize, after seeing how distraught he was, and of course after talking to meemaw, she was reminded of all those other times.
When he was the first person willing to be her friend. When it took him twenty-five cats to try and fail to get over her. When he comforted her at her apartment. When he picked her up drunk from the parking lot. When he took care of her while she was sick. When he played naughty D&D with her.
When he was willing to change their relationship agreement to include more intimacy despite telling her in the beginning that nothing was ever going to change between them. He had made efforts for her. More than once.
There were so many instances really when he had shown her, she mattered to him. Just in his own way. The memories kept invading her thoughts. And like his meemaw had said, it would have never been easy with a man like Sheldon. But he had tried. For her. She knew that.
She also knew he was the only man for her. She loved him. His brilliance, his honesty, his quirks. And their completely unique way to spend time together.
But was that enough? She was not sure. She missed being his girlfriend.
Was there even a chance? Yes, Sheldon was sad, but did that mean he still wanted to be with her? He had not been clear about that.
And even if he wanted to, was she ready to put herself out there again? It had been so hard lately waiting for a sign that maybe someday they would be more.
She had not had a chance to sort through her feelings like she had wanted to after their anniversary. She needed time to think.
Sheldon
For a moment when he woke up, Sheldon could not remember where he was. It did not matter anyway. Because all he felt was happiness. Bliss. Something that had been wrong was finally right again. But what was it?
Amy! It all came back to him. And only seconds later his happiness turned into worry. Fear, that he would lose this feeling again. Inadvertently he squeezed her tight to him at that thought.
"Good morning, Sheldon." She was awake. And had noticed him pulling her closer to him. Should he deny? No. The time for hiding was over.
"Good morning.", he replied softly. "Did you sleep okay?"
"Yes." She looked up to him. She looked adorable, her hair messed up and her eyes still sleepy. "Thank you for staying."
He smiled. There was no place he'd rather be right now.
Just when he wanted to say something, to ask her what this meant, their peaceful bliss was interrupted by his phone. He reluctantly let go off Amy and reached to the nightstand to answer it.
He was met with the screeching voice of his twin. "Where are you, Sheldon? We should have left for the mall thirty minutes ago."
He checked his watch. 9:30? That was hours after his usual wake-up time. But it had been the best sleep he had experienced in years, so it made sense.
"I'm sorry, Missy, we overslept. We will be there shortly." He hung up before Missy could question his reason for sleeping in.
Putting his phone away, he noticed, Amy had not let go of him. She was still lying half on top of him, her right foot on his shin, her hand on his belly, her head resting on his chest.
He allowed himself to relax back into bed for a second and stroked her back lightly. "We should really get up now.", he mumbled regretfully.
"You're right." Was it his imagination or did she sound like she wanted to stay like this?
It was confusing. He needed to figure out what was going on here.
Finally, he felt her loosen her grip around him and scoot away. He took this as his cue to get up and fetch his robe.
"Meet you in the lobby in twenty minutes?", he asked, trying to sound casual.
She nodded and got up too.
The spell was broken. Their moment – however intimate it had been – was over. Sheldon stopped before opening the door to the hallway.
"Amy…", he started.
She was looking at him expectantly. "Yes, Sheldon?"
Do you still love me? Do you think we can find a way to get back together? Can we talk about it later today?
"See you soon.", he blurted out before leaving. Coward.
Amy
The now-familiar drive from the hotel to Mary's house seemed a lot longer suddenly. After the closeness and their almost-talk during the night, it seemed so wrong to be – once again – suffering this uncomfortable silence.
The way he had squeezed her in the morning, that was new. Not only had he be willing to stay the night, but it felt like he had wanted to.
Not just out of obligation. He had willingly shown her affection in a way that was completely uncharted territory for both of them.
And when he had left, for a moment it had seemed as if he had wanted to say something to her.
But now, he was back to being just as silent and stoic as the first two days they had been here. But she really could not blame him. She was no better after all.
She mustered up her courage to start at least a friendly conversation.
"So… shopping trip with your twin sister. Sounds fun.", she mentioned casually.
He turned to her. For a second, he looked surprised. So, cuddling during the night was okay but talking during the day was not?
"Well, I'm sure it will be fun for you, since you enjoy shopping." To her delight he winked at her when he said it.
She smiled as she remembered how he had sat in a chair and held her bag while she was trying on clothes with Penny not too long ago.
"Well, I'm sure there will be some comfortable chairs for you to wait in." Now they both chuckled. It almost felt normal.
Soon after that, they were back at Mary's place where fortunately Missy was no longer mad at them for showing up late.
Instead, she had a favor to ask. Since her fiancé got held up at work again, she had no one to watch her son.
If Amy didn't know any better, she would have started thinking the Coopers were keeping Sheldon and her apart during the day on purpose.
"Please Sheldon, it's easy. He'll be napping soon. You just have to feed him later and keep him alive. Show him your old wooden trainset, he'll love it."
Sheldon pouted. "Great. So, it's either sitting around while you're shopping or watching that little human larva. What a wonderful day."
"Come on, Sheldon. You owe me one for showing up late – which by the way goes against everything I know about you. Do you care to explain?" Missy raised her eyebrows at him the same way Sheldon did so often.
Sheldon's cheek reddened and Amy knew she must be blushing just the same.
"Fine.", Sheldon gave in. "I'll watch your offspring. But I won't change any diapers."
Missy smiled and Amy knew, mentioning them sleeping in had been part of her plan to get Sheldon to agree. "That's fine, Sheldon. Meemaw will be around to help. She just wasn't comfortable watching him alone considering her age."
Sheldon
Great, now he had been degraded to being a babysitter.
He had not been looking forward to shopping for his sister's honeymoon. But he had hoped that maybe, he would get a chance to get a moment alone with Amy. He really needed to talk to her.
Thankfully, meemaw was there to aid him in taking care of the little boy. She helped him find some toys and after feeding him lunch, she offered to put the toddler down for his nap.
Sheldon sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote, starting to zap through the channels. He did not really focus on anything. The things, Amy had said to him the night before were still bothering him.
After a short while, his meemaw sat down next to him. Maybe she could help him. He turned the TV off and turned to the old woman next to him.
"Amy thought I would not be affected by our break-up.", he blurted out. "Meemaw, I don't understand. How can she think something like that?"
His meemaw looked at him thoughtfully. "Well, did you give her any reason to think that?", she asked carefully.
Sheldon huffed annoyed. Meemaw had asked a similar question the day before. He did not like it at all.
"Meemaw.", he exclaimed. "I asked her to be my girlfriend. We have a contract and everything. I love her. She is the first and only woman I was interested in this way. I…" It was hard. Maybe meemaw had been right the day before. Maybe he did still have things to learn.
"Oh, moonpie, I know all that. And I know you are not an overly emotional person. That's okay. Your pop-pop was the same way. But apparently that girl doubted your feelings for her. And that, my dear, was bound to cause problems at some point."
He sighed in exasperation. "I told you, meemaw. I'm not a hippy. She should know how much she means to me. Or else she should have told me. She used to tell me when something was wrong. But I should not have to talk about my feelings all the time."
"Moonpie…", she said softly. "Do you remember the time when you were little and used to stay over at my place all the time? Back when your Pop-pop was still alive?"
"Of course.", he mumbled. His Pop-pop's death was still painful to remember. "I have an eidetic memory, remember?"
She glared at him. "Well, smarty-pants, then you should remember what he did every morning before we had breakfast."
Sheldon smiled softly. Of course, he did. He could see it in front of him when he closed his eyes.
"He came up to you while you were making coffee. He said: 'Good morning, pretty lady.', which made you smile. Then he kissed your cheek and told you he loved you. And then we all sat down and had breakfast together."
He had sometimes found it strange, seeing this exchange every day. Repetitive. Redundant. His father had never been like this with his mother. But his meemaw had smiled every time.
Meemaw raised her eyebrows at him. "So, by your standards, was your Pop-pop a hippie?"
"No!", he exclaimed shocked at this suggestion. His Pop-pop had been his hero. He would never think anything negative about him. And he had definitely not been an overly emotional person.
"No. Because he was not. Sheldon. He was a stoic and stubborn man. Just like you. And just like you he hardly ever talked about his feelings. But do you know why he said what he said every morning?"
"Why?", Sheldon whispered. But he almost knew the answer already.
"Because, Sheldon, it made me happy. It was a moment of pure happiness before we started our day. And not just because of what he said. But because it was important to him to let me know. It made me feel that no matter what was going on in our lives, I was a priority to him."
Sheldon looked away. It hurt, when he realized what his meemaw was telling him. "You are saying, I should have told Amy how I felt more often because it would have made her happy. And because maybe then she would not have doubted the impact she had on me."
"Maybe, yes.", his meemaw wiped the tears from her eyes. Sheldon knew she still missed her late husband. He missed him too.
"So, are you saying this is all my fault?", he said quietly. It sure felt this way.
"No.", meemaw insisted. "No, Sheldon. While you clearly made mistakes, you both were bad at communicating. The fact that you still don't know why she broke up with you in the first place speaks volumes. After five years she should have found a way to talk to you about whatever troubled her. You both need to work on that when you get back together."
He gulped. Meemaw said when. Not if. It sounded so sure. If only he could feel this assured himself.
Amy
Amy ended up spending the day at the mall with Mary and Missy. She almost got dizzy watching Missy pick out all sorts of stuff for the honeymoon. How other women could need more clothes and cosmetics for a few weeks than she had used all her life she would never understand.
She did have fun however helping her pick out things in the lingerie store. That is, until her heart sank at the realization that she herself would probably never be in need of something like this.
His mind shifted back to Sheldon. She used to have a plan. A five-year-plan to becoming Sheldon's wife. Well, five years had passed and here she was, any thoughts about marriage further away than ever.
She still did not know what it meant, those two nights, she had spent with Sheldon in her bed. It made her feel unsettled not knowing what he thought.
"Hey, why the long face?" Damn it, why did Sheldon's inability to read human emotions not run in the family?
"It's nothing, Missy, I'm just tired." Tired of feeling so confused.
"Tired, huh? Guess you and my brother are having fun in that fancy suite." Missy winked at her.
He told his sister? Amy nearly had a heart attack. What on earth made Sheldon tell his sister? And did that mean Mary knew too? And meemaw?
"Oh, don't look so startled. You've been together five years. It's about time for him to spoil you a little. And who knows, you might make me a bridesmaid sooner than you think, with the way my brother was looking at you this morning."
Amy studied Missy's expression. No, she was certainly not making fun of her. Did Sheldon look at her differently this morning?
The last stop for the day was a store to find a line dancing outfit for Amy. She was not particularly looking forward to this activity, but she guessed she would not get out of it.
After looking at countless ridiculous outfits that Missy showed her (really, how could that girl look at her and think she would wear jeans shorts and a top that barely covered her bosom), she set her eyes on a cute pink strapless flowery dress that ended a few inches above her knees.
That combined with a jeans jacket covered her enough to feel comfortable. Still, it was the most revealing outfit she had ever worn.
Just for a second, she wondered, if Sheldon would notice. Would he like it? Or would he be just as indifferent as he had been that one time, she had worn that silly schoolgirl outfit? She guessed she would find out soon.
It had been an exceptionally pleasant day. She felt a lot more relaxed now. Missy reminded her so much of Penny, it was easy to feel comfortable around her. And Mary treated her terrifically.
It was only while they were driving back to Mary's place, when she remembered that both women would certainly hate her soon, which put a damper on her good mood.
When they went back into the house, Amy was met with a view she never thought she would see.
Sheldon was crouched on the floor, holding a little toddler by his hands and helping him clumsily walk through the living room, where countless toys were splattered around. It was adorable to see. She tried to burn this image into her brain, wanting to remember it forever.
Missy picked up her son and Sheldon straightened his clothes and very obviously pretended not to be affected by this whole experience while Mary quickly prepared dinner for all of them.
And all too soon it was time to leave for the hotel again. Would Sheldon come to her room again, she wondered? Part of her hoped so. It had happened twice now, which likely would make it a routine for Sheldon now, wouldn't it?
But how did she feel about it? They could not go on like this. Pretending to be a couple during the day was confusing enough. They could not cuddle through the night and share more intimacy than ever without talking about what it meant, could they?
She finished her nighttime routine quickly and got into bed. Without understanding why, she left her bedroom door unlocked again.
Sheldon
Standing under the shower stream, Sheldon closed his eyes and tried to relax. He replayed the events of the day in his head.
Waking up with Amy in his arms. He still could not wrap his head around how it had felt. Why had he fought this for so long? Well, he knew why. He had not been ready for it.
But even when he realized he was ready, even when he had planned to propose to her, he had expected it to be hard at first, sharing a bed with someone.
But it had been so easy. And so right. Wholesome. He wanted this. Every day for the rest of his life. But what about her? It bothered him greatly not knowing what she was thinking about all this.
And then he had spent the whole day in charge of his nephew. Another thing he had thought would be hard. But the little rascal had been so adorable. Looking up to him with the same blue eyes he possessed himself.
It actually was fun, building blocks and playing with his old toy train together. Maybe next time he would try reading a comic book to him. Of course, Missy had taught her son to call him 'Shelly' but he found it did not even bother him.
And then his thoughts were back to Amy. She had looked at him strangely when she had seen him with the little boy. Had she been thinking the same as him? Had she also imagined what it would be like, having a child of their own someday?
Should he go over to her again? Did she expect him to? She had not said anything. And she had not seemed as sad as she had the days before, so there really was no excuse anymore to hold her.
Why was she not sad anymore? Because she was over him now after all? Or because she assumed he would come to her room again?
If only anyone could tell him what was expected of him now. There was no social convention for a situation like this. Or maybe, just like on many other occasions, he just was not aware of it.
What did Amy want? What was she thinking? What was happening between them?
He sighed and turned off the shower. There was only one way to find out. No more delays. They really needed to talk.
Amy
She waited and waited. She had nearly fallen asleep when the bedroom door opened.
This time, Sheldon's steps were much slower. It sounded almost hesitant. When he got into bed with her, she expected him to hold her, just like the last two nights.
She was already craving the feeling of being close to him again. But that feeling never came. Instead, he sat up against the headboard and patted her shoulder.
"Amy, if you are ready, I'd really like for us to talk now."